Chapter19
I stared out the window into the dreary scene. Faint splattering sounds came from outside, hissing as lightning struck the sky. I could hear the wind tugging at the trees, and small droplets of water left trails as they rolled down the dark glass. A large boom echoed into the far away mountains, and couldn't help but feel the rumble of the clap, and the daunting sounds the rain tapped on the ground. I hated the thunderstorm and I hated the atmosphere that they usually brought with them.
They wash away any evidence of a persons presence; their footprints in the mud, their scent in the air. It is all gone. This is the nature of things.
It has been almost a week since Charlie's death and I can still feel the missing piece of my heart that my dad took with him. However, slowly I am learning to live around that huge gaping hole. At least now I have no more tears to cry and no more anger to release, there is just pain and depression.
Gently I felt Edwards hand squeeze mine in a reassuring gesture. I sighed, released his hand and began to walk. I walked passed all the mourners that, like me, dressed in black. I walked towards the large brown coffin that hovered above a hole where it would sit for eternity. There was nothing but the storm and the soft cries of the people to drown out the silence that was death.
Now, as I faced the coffin, I ran my hand over the smooth brown wood and whispered, "I'm sorry, Dad. I love you." Then I turned around and faced our friends, our family and all those who knew Charlie and I spoke.
"Charlie..." I started, "My dad was a great man. He was a beloved father and a dear friend and he was not suppose to die. I hate to admit that I don't know him but I didn't- not as well as most of you here. I wish I had spent more time with him, told him how much I loved him..." I paused briefly, taking a long deep breath.
"I am glad that so many of you have shown up today and that you are here with me to mourn him and relive his memories. I've been home a couple of times now and I still expect to see him there on the sofa watching TV and then when I don't see him I feel the sorrow as if it is happening all over again. It sucks that we miss people like that. You think you've accepted that someone is out of your life, that you've grieved and it's over, and then it hits you like a ton of bricks. One little thing, and you feel like you've lost that person all over again. Then today I realized that we are all the pieces of what we remember. So, I am going to remember all that my dad has done and all that he has taught me and I ask you to do the same. If we all remember him then Charlie isn't really dad, he will live on through us."
And with that I walked once again through the mourners feeling a little lighter- Charlie wasn't dead, in my memories I will keep alive.
At the end of the funeral, I couldn't help my mind drift off...
FLASHBACK
"Hi, Isabella, my name is Louise and I am a social worker. I would like to talk to you about your guardian." A short, stubby woman said as she stood in the doorway of the Cullen's house.
"Um, okay."
Louise, who was dressed in a formal suit followed me as I lead her to the sofas in the Cullen's living room. Everyone except Esme, Carlisle and Edward had either went outside or upstairs.
"Unfortunately" Louise started, "the police still haven't been able to find your mother, Renee Dwyer. However your father has left a Will behind and has given guardianship to Sue and Harry Clearwater- I take it you know them?"
"Yes."
"Good, then from now on they shall be your guardians. I will inform them of this and allow you to have sometime to pack any belongs you might want to take with you." The woman's tone was stiff and formal. She was one of those people who you didn't know whether to like or hate because they always wore a bleak business mask. "I will pick you up from Mr. and Mrs. Cullen's house at 11:00am the day after the funeral."
END OF FLASHBACK
My mind was suddenly dragged back when I felt Billy Black grip my hand tightly. His eyes glistened with unshed tears and were shadowed with sadness.
"I'm sorry for your loss, Bella." He said gruffly. Lots of people had said this today but when Billy said it, it was different. Most of the people said it only as a formality, to be polite to the girl who had lost her father, and they with spoke no truth behind it. However, Billy knew Charlie more than most and I could feel the sorrow that radiated from him. Billy understood the grief. He had grieved his wife and now he must grieve his best friend.
"Thank you but he was as big of a loss to you as to me. I'm sorry too." I said and bent down to hug him.
"Bella" Jacobs voice forced me to pull away from Billy. "How are you doing?" He asked.
As I turned toward him, I felt my eyes widen, there before me was a very tall, very muscled Jacob Black. He had cut his hair as well. Jacobs appearance sent my mind spinning. It was like everything that was meant to happen has began to speed up. Jacob had already shifted.
"I'm okay. It just feels strange, you know, not having him here." I answered my eyes still raking over Jacob. "You cut your hair."
"Yeah, it's easier this way." Jacob replied cryptically, but I knew what he meant. So he had already shifted.
"We'll see you soon, Bells." Billy said, indicating for Jacob to move on. I let them go but the line of grievers that came to visit the family of the departed seemed to never end.
About 30 minutes later, the storm had settled and there was no one but the Clearwater's to give their condolences. "Bella." Harry greeted.
I nodded at him and then turned to Sue, who threw her arms around me in a hug. I felt her wet tears dampen the jacket I was wearing and as she cried I tried to stop my own tears from falling. In the end, my throat began to ache so I let my tears fall. Harry, Sue and Seth gave me their condolences, but Leah seemed to just hover. Not saying anything.
She looked broken, like someone had ripped her heart out and handed it to her on a platter. I knew that look because I used to- or would- look the same if and when Edward left me. It was a look that said 'My world has collapsed around me and I don't know how to put it back together'.
"So, we will see you tomorrow Bella?" Sue asked.
"Of course." I said and then I watched as the family of four walked away. I don't know how long I had stood there for but I do know that when I finally came back from reality the Clearwater's had been long gone. Now it was only me and the Cullen's that stood it this empty grave yard.
"Come on, lets go." Edward whispered in my ear as he wrapped his arm around me waist. I let him lead me towards Alice's car and before when drove off, I took one more look at the head stone that summed up Charlie's life. It read 'Charlie Swan, 1964-2005, In memory of a loving father and faithful friend.'