Joachim awoke with the sun blinding his eyes and a terrible headache. He found himself lying in the comforts of his bed, though he was still donned in his clothing except for his chest armor and boots, which had been removed and set on the dresser.
"Ah! So you're finally awake. I was worried about whether you would even wake up at all…"
Joachim's pale blue eyes trailed to the familiar young woman seated on the edge of his bed. Locks of her thick black ringlets fell down her back, and her bright jade eyes glittered in the sunlight.
"You are still quite pale though," she remarked as he breathed and clamped a hand across his throbbing forehead. "It seems you do not know when to rest, Joachim."
"Catherine?" he croaked, coughing to clear his throat while she beamed at him merrily.
Almost dazed, he brushed a few strands of his white hair out of his eyes and allowed her to assist him in propping the pillows up beneath his back so he could sit up in the bed. When she finished, he emitted a deep sigh when the images of Walter flooded into his memory.
"How did I get here? What happened last night? Did that creature do you any harm?"
He looked at her intensely. Within the light, his smooth skin seemed to lack any pigmentation. The cerulean blue sky beyond his room's large windowpanes, added by the sound from what he thought was a warbler perched in the tree outside his bedside window, brightened his dreary mood.
"You mean, Walter? Why of course not! He brought you home, and helped me remove you're dreadful boots and armor so I could lay you in bed. I see no reasonable excuse for you to parade around in those things, nor do I find your constant judgment of Walter rational." She chuckled when his face tinted a shade of crimson as he gave his rather curt reply to meet the scowl wearing across his refined lips.
"You are saying Walter was inside my estate, and that he even helped you undress me? Why did you not call upon the servants instead?"
"The servants had gone to bed by the time we arrived, and Walter absolutely insisted on helping me." Catherine's lighthearted chuckles rang through his mind, and in turn he pulled the covers of the bed tighter over his body. He had not realized her eyes were in plain view of him without his proper clothing. His cheeks tinted a shade of crimson
"My, how you flush when you are embarrassed! Do not be, for he just aided me in making you comfortable. Walter was concerned and vowed to return this evening to see if your condition has improved. I am glad to see you awake and as adorable as ever Joachim."
"Adorable…" he muttered under his breath, and though his strength was questionable, he hesitated until throwing the covers off his body. "Nevertheless…" he added to her widening eyes at the sudden gesture. "I have spent far too many periods of my life confined to my bed. I have duties to attend to, and I must look into the matter of that Lord Walter…" his voice trailed into silence, that was further met by her added surprise when he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and attempted to ease his weakened body off the mattress.
"Please, Joachim!" she held up a hand, her emerald eyes glittering. "You need rest. I regret it is best for you to remain in bed for at least today…"
Joachim paused from his attempt and stared at her, and as his eyes trailed over her, he noticed her hands fidget restlessly on her lap. The beauty she possessed through the complimenting shade of amethyst in her dress, and even more so in her eyes and fair skin, was strongly accented whenever her demeanor began to express a troublesome air. Catherine had always been the very definition of a lady, and even in distress she attempted to hide it behind her lively gaze.
"What is the matter?" He asked sharply. "Why do you try to keep me from my obligations? I am a Lord, I can do whatever I wish. Regardless, I shall see for myself the trifles that accompany the title I carry."
"Yes, that is true…" she hesitated when Joachim folded his arms across his chest.
"I have no intention of wasting my day resting in bed." He answered finally. "Now, you may as well explain what you're devious little mind is trying to hide. I assure you that will not last for long, and neither will my patience if you refuse to tell me what it is."
Her glittering eyes betrayed the calm expression pressed across her lips, and with a sigh, her gaze drifted to the window allowing bright morning sunshine to flood inside the bedroom. "Last evening…the bodies of a mother and child were found near the cathedral. They were a horrid sight to behold, for their flesh was shriveled, and not a drop of blood was found within their veins."
After hearing her words, he didn't expect such a gorgeous morning would suddenly seem so insignificant.
"Joachim?" Catherine leaned forward in her chair, her eyes blinking upon noticing the fact he began to stare into space. "Are you sure you feel well? Your skin seems to have turned awfully pale."
Joachim bolted upright and swung his legs over the side of the bed. "I have no choice except to be well today."
He slowly placed his feet upon the floor. Without hesitation Catherine flew to his side and grabbed his arm to help him stand on both feet, however with just as much attentiveness Joachim brushed her away. He cast an irritated glance when she refused to leave him for a moment as he made his way to his dresser and picked up his breastplate. With much difficulty he managed to lift the object, unsure whether or not to put it on until Catherine swiped it from his grasp and spun him around in place.
"Catherine!" he tried to scold her, for he had always hated being treated like a child. He knew that it was not her intention, however. "I can dress myself. You have no idea how to wear armor in the first place. I wouldn't be surprised if you put it on backwards-" A low, though somewhat amused sigh parted through his lips.
"If you kept silent, I would be able to tie it up much faster." From the corner of his eyes he saw her lips curve into a frown. "Hold still! You keep squirming, its no wonder I can't put this wretched thing on. Why you do even bother with it? It's completely useless-"
"I'd say the same thing about you, milady." Joachim rolled his eyes, chuckling, while her swift fingers fiddled with the armor's numerous laces. He felt her pull them extra hard, causing him to jerk back on purpose. Joachim barely managed to resist laughing at her impatience.
What was the cause of it all and why? He ran a hand across his brow, trying to think but the realization he had no evidence and no one could be accounted for as a suspect…all with the exception of a single individual. After a few minutes he broke away from his thoughts and looked over his shoulder at Catherine, who had secured the bindings on the back of his armor skillfully. Unlike his servants, she did not tie it so tightly that his ribcage felt like it would snap into pieces.
"There," She grabbed hold of his arms. As though he was a doll, she turned him around and gave him a scrutinizing look. "I hope it fits you comfortably. You look exhausted …I fear for you…" her voice trailed away, and became almost lost in the dull glint of her emerald eyes.
Joachim stared at her disheartened expression, since for the first time he was able to distinctly see the aura of anxiety in her eyes. When he was ill his vision was always blurred to the point the world around him became no different than a distorted dream, making him unable to witness her fear and her pain.
"Catherine…" he tried to provide her comfort by softening his approach, but he feigned at not knowing what to say.
More than anything he wanted to rid her of her fears, but as long as he remained vulnerable and ill the desire was out of his reach. He alone was the cause of her pain, and living with that knowledge allowed guilt to devour him whole.
"I am being inconsiderate. If it would indeed make you feel better, today I shall rest." He tried to smile but the expression refused to cross his lips until he saw relief sparkle through her eyes.
"You will?" her hands cupped together and her dainty feet seemed to prance eagerly in place. "Splendid! You and I will have a pleasant afternoon in the fields! I assure you, Maurizio told me he plans to look into the murders from dawn till dusk, so you need not handle that dreadful affair for the time being. I cannot believe you thought Lord Bernhard had something to do with it!"
"I still think he does." He murmured while reaching for his armored boots laying on the floor by his bed. He avoided looking at the hint of exasperation that overtook the concern in Catherine's eyes, but nothing could prevent him from hearing her complaints, no matter how honest they were.
"Oh Joachim, is there nothing I can do to convince you Walter is not out to get you? I will hear no more of this nonsense."
"Very well. Just promise me you will be careful around Walter from now own. You don't know him. It seems no one does…"
He gazed out the window a last time, and heard the familiar song of the warbler in the tree outside. Not a moment later the bird flew into view, its tiny wings carrying it high into the azure blue sky. For a moment, Joachim continued to look at the sky where the sun ascended like a golden phoenix, driving the night's brooding shadows back, and allowing the little bird to soar in the light's embrace.
The horse galloped across emerald fields, its mane whipped in the cool breeze and hooves pounding down the grass covered earth. Its fine nostrils flared with each puff of breath it exhaled from its heaving chest, and its glossy silver coat gleamed under the golden rays of autumn sunlight that broke through the layers of wispy white clouds in the sky. The weather warned of the approaching winter, and began to give evidence by the patches of brown grass that had suffered under nights of frost, as well as by the flocks of birds gathering in the sky in preparation of escaping the first snowfall of the season. Despite the cooling temperatures and the blossoming signs of change, the summer was a blessed time for most, and the mild autumn had given serfs and their lords satisfactory crops. If one looked beyond the endless grass fields, they would be able to catch a glimpse of the stalks of barley and wheat rustling softly in the breeze.
After galloping up a hill, the horse reduced its pace to a trot and halted at the summit beneath a solitary tree. Its ancient branches stretched over most of the hill, providing an ample source of shade and protection from the wind. The young lord made his dismount, followed by Catherine, who yet again proved more than able to do so without his aid. Joachim walked across the hill to an ideal lookout point beyond the tree, whereupon he stood in silence and gazed into the far distance. The wind played with strands of his ivory hair and caused his long robes to flap around his pants, but he remained unbothered until he heard Catherine approaching him from behind.
"You are quiet today." She spoke in a bare whisper and stood at his side to survey the land stretched out before them. "I rather enjoyed that gallop you took me on. My father never allows me to ride a horse, and I have no intention of telling him you let me."
Her words were met by silence, though she merely contented herself in it for a few moments, until again the very sound of her voice caused his head to turn and look upon her delighted features.
"You know, from up here the land looks like one of the patchwork quilts my mother used to stitch. I remember five years ago the crops did not fair very well…and not only in our village, but in all the region's villages. My family was not badly affected by it, but I do remember seeing some peasant farmers practically starving in the streets…I wish there was something I could have done."
Her smile weakened, though the lively sparkle in her eyes failed to dampen for even a moment. There was a distinct way she expressed herself through her words and her eyes, and over time Joachim began to appreciate it more than he realized. The fact they had distanced themselves from the village was enough to lighten his somberness.
"There was nothing you could do." Catherine said soothingly.
He shook his head, and brushed aside the strands of his hair blown across his face by the wind. "That year was difficult for everyone, but I will admit the peasants suffered the most – as always. If they had not been forced to pay such outrageously high taxes, I am certain many of them would not have starved to death. My father's views on taxing were unbreakable, he raised them so high that when I walked through the village, a few peasants approached me and begged me to have it lowered. I did all I could to feed and clothe them, but my father told me I was wasting my time."
"I do not agree. Almost every week someone died, but consider how many lives you spared! I realize now you are nothing like your father, and though you may spite me for saying this, you are nothing like those other selfish lords. You do God's work, and whether or not you believe me…is your choice."
She leaned against him and rested her head upon his shoulder, her eyes fluttering shut to bask in his warmth, unaware of the fact his heart began to race in his chest the moment the raven ringlets of her hair brushed against his garments. Since he could remember she always wore a large green bow in her hair that almost matched the color of her eyes, and although the bow became worn over the years, he could not imagine her without it. The very fact she confided in him was enough to make his cheeks flush.
The sudden thought whirled through his mind as his lips fought to keep his vocals from revealing his restlessness. "The villagers are dissatisfied with me. Even though my father literally taxed them to death, they admired him so much everything I do is always inadequate."
"Never mind them! Remember, this village is yours to do as you see fit, and if they knew what it was like under Lord Caelan of Dalwood I doubt they would dare to oppose you again." He felt his heartbeat slow, and gazed down at her comforting smile when she lifted her head and looked to the fields. "What do you keep looking at, Joachim?" her eyes narrowed. "You and I have come out here since we were children, and almost every time you stop and survey these lands. If something out there is so interesting to you, won't you tell me? I find it so irksome when you start to gaze off at nothing in particular, and it makes me fearful you might forget about me!"
"Don't be foolish, someone who natters on as long as you is impossible to forget." A barely audible chuckle vibrated through his throat.
"You beast! Stop it, I am merely trying to have a decent conversation!" Catherine returned his remark with a firm shove. "Why do you always trivialize everything I say, Joachim? Just because I care about what you think does not mean I go on and on about nothing!" she gave him an indignant scowl, but as always it faded under his playful smirk.
Not to his surprise, she had always taken interest in his opinions, and he was somewhat thankful that she kept them to herself. "Very well then," He relented and formed his smirk into a lighthearted smile. "Do you see those mountains over there?"
"Mountains?" she stared at the horizon when he pointed at the series of jagged shadows hardly visible beyond the fields of grass and grain. Joachim nodded when her eyes lit up, but her lips kept silent so he could continue.
"Since I was a boy I wondered what those mountains look like up close. Annelise told me this region is the best for farming, and beyond that are thick forests, narrow cliffs, and jagged mountains. She told me stories about men who went to see those mountains in search of the one that could touch the heavens. Some of those men never returned."
"That sounds quite fanciful, but I do not think any mountain is high enough to reach heaven! Why on earth would you care about something like that?" she cocked her head in her peculiar fashion of trying to see into his mind. "You know," she added the second he attempted to speak. "Men in the old testament tried to build a tower that would take them straight into heaven so they could see God. The idea angered God and so He destroyed the tower. For God to make a mountain that high would be hypocritical." She huffed under her breath, though smiled once more when he shrugged and continued to look at the shadowy formations of the mountains far away.
"That was not my point." Joachim muttered, trying to suppress a smile. Though her intentions were good, her imagination had a way of surprising him.
"Then what was your point?" Catherine turned from the sight and strode toward the tree. She leaned against its wide trunk, placing her hands in her lap while her glittering emerald eyes sought his answer.
He wondered if his words were even making sense, but one last glance at the mountains encouraged him to keep his voice from fading into the breeze. "If you care so much about what I have to say, I will tell you. Before my father died, I wanted to leave this village as soon as I was able and journey to those mountains. Do you not wonder what lies beyond the horizon, or what is too distant for our eyes to see? Now that I am a lord, I cannot leave this village, especially when murders are destroying everything my family worked so hard to create. Not only that, my body is too weak to travel anywhere…which means the mountains will always be jagged shadows in the distance."
"Oh Joachim, stop torturing yourself and come sit with me. Everything you need is right here in your village! Your home, friends, serfs, money, and crops…what more is there for you?" She made a deep sigh and looked up at him, though the vibrant glitter in her eyes softened. "Why do you want to go to the east so badly and die for church officials you have never met? There is nothing for you in the desert, nothing except death and hardship. Stay here…your subjects need you…and I need you."
Joachim's eyes widened, and the breath in his lungs left, and he could scarcely move until she patted a spot of grass next to her. Without another word, he seated himself next to her so his back rested against the rough bark of the tree. Once again she took the opportunity and rested her head upon his chest. He relaxed under her warmth, but could not free himself from his own thoughts that soon turned into words.
"Alright, enough has been spoken about me. You have never told me anything you want to have in life…your hopes…"
"Oh, that." She smirked. "I have told you a thousand times since I can remember! Were you asleep when I tried to explain?" he shifted in place, but could not find the proper words to say, for his heart began to beat against his chest the longer she kept the mischievous grin pressed across her lips. "So you were then!" she giggled cheerfully.
At that moment nothing in the world could have made him speak. His lower lip trembled, whilst his head tilted downward, allowing curtains of his silky hair to hide the flood of disappointment seeping into his crystal blue eyes.
"Joachim?" her voice summoned him, but he had lost himself in his thoughts like a ship set adrift in an endless confusing ocean. Catherine remained persistent with him however, and maintained her curious stare until at last her hand skimmed across his cheek, and her very touch jolted him to hear her rather serious observation. "I think I know why you are in such a somber mood…" her hand rested against his cheek, and without explanation she drew his face closer to hers. Joachim's words were caught in his throat, his eyes fixing themselves upon her tender lips that were so close he could feel her soft breath tickle across his flesh.
His situation was becoming increasingly desperate, and without thinking he cleared his throat and blurted the first response that came to mind. "Y-you do? Are you telling me that you know how I feel…about-"
"Of course I do."
Catherine's voice died to a whisper, and despite the eagerness in her eyes her serious expression remained unaltered. The young lord tried not to choke from realizing her reply had left him breathless, and the fact their faces nearly touched left his lips hungering to cover hers in a kiss. Before he could gather whatever courage he had, all the nerves in his body shattered when she pulled away.
"You're thinking about Lord Bernhard. You still believe he is up to something, and tis' no wonder you're having difficulty staying focused today."
He tried to contain his composure, but his widening eyes betrayed his flurry of emotions resulting from Catherine's inquisitive gaze. Joachim withdrew a deep breath, and looked her in the eyes, daring the softened words to slip from his lips. "I was not thinking about Walter, Catherine. I was thinking about you."
"Me?" Catherine breathed in surprise, and her glittering eyes blinked several times. "You were thinking about me? Why?"
Joachim looked at her innocent face, so full of concern and surprised that her observation was the farthest thing from his mind.
"Well…" he slid his hand over hers, but she made no motion to pull away as he continued. "I have heard things as of late. One such thing I heard is that your father wants you to be married, and if you do not choose a husband he will choose one for you. Is this true?" he noticed Catherine's lips tremble, and the bright glitter in her eyes became dull as if his very question had instantaneously thrown her into internal chaos.
She lowered her head, causing her thick ringlets to brush against her cheeks and hide the tears threatening to fall. "How did you…know?" she whispered.
"Catherine, that is why I have been meaning to ask you something…" he could feel the intensity of her eyes gazing at him behind her thick raven hair, and only when she brushed them away that he saw her eyes were filled with tears. He reached and wiped them away, while his other hand tightened around hers. "You and I have been friends for so long I cannot think of a time without you. Every day I have silently adored you, and to imagine some other man will take you away from me…is more than I can bear. We have gone through so much together as children…and I long to spend the rest of my days with you by my side."
Joachim watched Catherine's lips part as though she would speak, but not a sound escaped her, though within his mind he knew there was no turning back. He lifted her hand and eased it toward his lips, however her feigned composure spoke for itself, even when his instincts screamed she had already given her answer.
"Please Catherine," A part of him still clung to the hope she would accept. "I am a Lord, and I have financial security – everything your father wants you to have! I would do anything for you-"
"You would?" Catherine's voice broke into a tearful sob, and without the slightest hint of warning she pulled her hand away and scrambled to her feet. "If you would do anything for me, I must ask you to never bring this up again!"
She buried her face in her hands and wept. Joachim placed his arm around her back, pulling her toward him, so when she rested her face on his chest he would not let his body collapse from the sheer pain he had wrought – not only in her but also in himself.
"But why, Catherine?" He could not rid himself of the hollow feeling inside that made him incomplete and all the more pathetic in the eyes of the world. "Why must this be forgotten? I hoped you would accept for so long now, and you seem so joyful whenever we are together-"
"You do not understand. My father would never allow it." her words were barely audible between her sobs, but she pulled her face away and looked up at his stricken expression. Her face was blotched red by tears and her hands trembled, though one of them grasped his and held it again. "What good would come if we married? You are so very ill…and my father fears that your illness could be inherited. Believe me, I think that is untrue, but he would not hear otherwise. He never wanted me to see you when we were young, and even now I have defied him because I care about you…and I wish it did not have to be this way…"
"So you're saying you will not wed me because your father thinks I am diseased?" Joachim backed away from her touch, his lips curling to the point the fire in his eyes matched his scowl. "If you really cared about me, you would not let that stop you! Why should your father be able to tell you whom you can or cannot marry? You are a human being no different than I. I have seen you think, heard you speak, watched you carry out your intentions – and you are more than worthy of living the life you desire. Though I am ill, I would live for you. My status as a Lord is enough to sanction this marriage with or without your father's consent. I care not if the villagers or my fellow noblemen object to this union. My heart is set on you and no one else."
He could not fathom the situation no matter how intently he tried to analyze it – there was no sense of reason to be found. Nonetheless, the very sight of her eyes glistening with tears made his heart ache, but her reply still put all his remaining hopes asunder.
"I cannot marry you, Joachim. I wish you never brought it up! I was content to be your friend, for you have been alone in your life, but I cannot give you anything more."
"So be it then, but I will not allow you to treat me like a sickly child anymore! Why don't you marry Lord Bernhard then? I am certain your father would find him more suitable than I. You believe everything Walter says after all, and like Jezebel and Emmaline, you pine for him so badly it makes me want to wretch!"
He turned his back and began to stomp across the field, but stopped when he heard Catherine shout at him from behind. Her voice was a shrill cry carried by the wind that haunted him when he did not turn to face her. The jumbled array of thoughts and feelings coursing through him was enough to keep him staring ahead.
"If you think my worrying over you is treating you like a child then so be it! Your soul is weighted down by your pain, and I never wanted to cause you that, but if you allow it to consume you then you will become no different than your father in the end."
He refused to look at her, and although every fiber of him threatened to break apart, he held his head high and mounted his horse. "I never want to hear you speak of my father again. Ever."
The lord's head lowered, curtaining his sorrow-ridden eyes behind strands of silky white hair while he gave Cojiro a sharp nudge with his heels and urged the horse into a gallop. He knew she had listened to his last words, and tried to unsuccessfully block out the sounds of her returned sobs. Within moments, his horse's hooves pounded against the grass and stifled her voice from reaching his ears. There was nowhere he could go that would free him from the entrapment of his fate, and no matter what he did, there was nowhere he could free himself from his own heart.