Author's Note: This is a FLASHBACK chapter to Joachim's childhood. I just wanted to get away from the plotline for a bit to provide further character background on Joachim's past. Joachim's father is really messed up. As Walter implied, Lord Zaeviean fought in the Crusades for most of his life and it's realistic for personal issues to have arisen from witnessing so much violence and death. I think Joachim's father slept around to alleviate his feelings of loneliness, though feel free to interpret him however you wish since none of his actions are explained clearly (on purpose!)
Also, I implied in chapter 19 that Joachim has a fear of "the black birds" (crows). Considering the fact that crows are scavenger birds that will eat almost anything - even corpses - it's understandable he would fear them as an ill child (constantly on his death bed) and as an adult. Joachim's phobia is known as "Corvidophobia" (fear of crows). I hope that makes sense, since I think having a fear/phobia of something makes Joachim seem more human and realistic. Fortunately, Catherine comes to the rescue in this chapter (yay!)
Ever wonder why Joachim's hair is shoulder-length as an adult and not long, like most hairstyles during the 11th century and pre-Renaissance period? I attempt to answer this question as well.
Oh, and one more thing...notice the woman Lord Zaeviean is with (ooh, scandal...) though Sara is NOT Joachim's sister or anything like that, since Sara would have already been born by that time.
Special Thanks:
As always, special thanks go to people who are reading this story, especially those who take the time to review my work:
Andinah (thank you for your comment, it means a lot to hear from you and know you love this story!), TheGhostisReal (it is always great to hear from you!) Suikorin (I really appreciate your detailed comments), LateNiteSlacker (heh, you know I will always appreciate your constructive comments!), AzariyaBelmont (lol...are you sure you want Walter to kidnap you? I'd freak out!), & Rahar Moonfire (thank you for beta reading my chapters)
Chapter XXIII
~ * FLASHBACK * ~
-Joachim, age 10-
"Catherine! Catherine! Ready or not, here I come!" He pounded up the spiraling staircase, his feet muffled by the red carpeting. His eyes blinked several times in the bright sunlight flooding in through the large windowpanes surrounding him. "Where are you? I am going to find you; I already know all your usual hiding spots!" He called up the steps, his voice echoing in the stairwell. Once he reached the second floor, he stumbled over the hem of his robes and nearly fell. Fortunately, one of his hands grasped onto the railing in time to steady himself before he bounded down the corridor. Tendrils of long, ivory hair fell against his smooth cheeks and down his back. A smile creased the corners of his lips as he ran along the hall, occasionally stopping to check behind its numerous ornamental statues. With growing excitement, he rushed to the room at the end where he entered the great hall. The massive high ceiling room stretched out before him. Streams of golden sunlight filtered through the hall's massive windowpanes. A smirk spread across the boy's wan lips as he padded toward the banquet table covered by a fine white cloth. Without hesitation, he flung part of the cloth up, surprising the young girl hiding behind it. "There you are, Catherine! You pick places that are far too simple!"
The girl fell backward in surprise, the thick ringlets of raven hair falling across her shoulders as she gasped. Her bright, green eyes blinked at him whilst she complained. "No fair! You didn't give me enough time!" The little girl's pouting frown clashed against his smile as she crawled out from beneath the table and stood up. "Fine! I will look for you then, now. I know you didn't count to ten, Joachim! I barely hid myself under the table before you found me!"
"I did so count long enough! You just count too slow. Besides, if you could make up your mind on where to hide, you would not have been found so easily." He held his head high and swished his robe.
She folded her arms across her chest, her cheeks flushing a fainted shade of fuchsia when his pale, blue eyes clashed against her emerald green. "Oh really?" She huffed. "You're so full of yourself! Don't you remember the time when I hid in the servant's quarters? You searched for me for nearly half an hour!" The boy's wan face lit up as he burst into laughter, confirming her defense, whilst she added. "All right, I will count to ten. You can only hide in here. If I catch you anywhere else you're a cheater!"
"Just count so I can get this over with!" he huffed loudly and whirled to scan the hallway.
"How rude!" Catherine remarked and folded her arms across her chest. Nevertheless, her eyes glittered with delight as she hurried toward the corner of the massive hall to begin counting.
"One…two…three…" The boy's eyes glanced over the hall, and when he was certain her back was to him, he raced across the marble floor as quietly as he could so that she would not hear the direction of his footsteps. "Four…five…." In moments he flung himself behind a long crimson curtain lining one of the massive paned windows. "Six…seven…eight…nine…ten! You best be prepared, for I shall find you a lot quicker than you think this time!" Joachim smiled to himself and waited, hearing her little footsteps skittering over the floor.
He heard shuffling and imagined her searching behind things, but when a few moments passed she called. "Where are you? You have not left have you, Joachim? I should have known you would be up to something, but I shall find you!"
He clamped his hands over his mouth to stifle a laugh, and closed his eyes in his attempt not to allow sound to part from him. Her footsteps grew in pace, filling his ears from their frantic search through the grand hall. He waited patiently where he stood, unable to see from the curtain covering in front of him, but when no more footsteps sounded his hands fell to his side and he raised his brow in confusion. After a few more silent moments passed, he shifted uncomfortably where he stood and breathed deeply with growing impatience. All at once the curtain concealing him suddenly was ripped away and he fell backward when a hand collided against his cheek and stung his flesh. "YOU! There you are! Found you!" his hand rubbed the area of impact, and he grudgingly glared at her with seething imprudence.
"What was that for? You're so mean!" he puffed his cheeks like an angry puffer fish and stomped away to look out the window at the sunny world outside. Her steps followed alongside his, and he glanced to see her graceful features soften.
"I apologize for that, I did not intend to slap you that hard. Perhaps that also slapped a little bit of humility into you-"
"Do not even consider that. If you were not a girl I would show you what I could do!" His eyes blazed momentarily but faded upon seeing her softened smile spread gracefully across her lips.
"I know." She whispered back. "Did I hurt you badly? Let me take a look." He attempted to jerk his head back when she reached out and touched his cheek, but he stopped to feel her hand run soothingly across it.
"I am fine! As if a hit from you would harm me!" he bit his lower lip from the feel of her warm hand, but she quickly pulled away and gave him a playful shove.
"I can tell you are about to cry, what with being hit by a girl after all…"
H laughed the moment her giggle resounded in the room, and she lifted up the seam of her dress just slightly so she could run away from him. Her ringlets bounced lightly with her swift movements and he pursued her, easily running in front of her to block her path and smiling at the swift wave of surprise that washed over her features. "Joachim! I was merely joking! You scoundrel! How dare you treat a lady with such rudeness!" she grinned at him broadly and darted away when he reached out to grab her, and she bounded lightly away from him again, her trailing dress swishing with her steps over the marble floor.
"Are you scared of me? Yes, be scared then for I will be the most feared lord in this whole country!"
"I fear you no more than missing Sunday mass at church!" Catherine whirled and grinned at him with wicked amusement, and as he ran toward her he replied.
"Keep skipping mass then! Father Genesio says Satan will get you! You better watch out!"
"How many times have you nearly fallen asleep during Sunday mass? I swear, if Father Genesio finds out, he will make you say three thousand Hail Mary's and dunk your head in the holy water to rid you of evil!"
Joachim shook his head, his pale icy blue eyes glittering in the warmth of the sunlight while he resumed running toward her, his steps slowing when his breaths became heavier. "How can I rid myself of evil when it is present with me right now and speaking to me? Demon girl!"
"If you keep calling me evil I will tell Father Genesio of the countless times you flicked wafer crumbs at the monks instead of eating them like you're supposed to!"
When he came within a few feet where she stood, his breaths labored and he skidded to a halt, abruptly staggering toward the nearest window where he leaned a shoulder against it and panted heavily. "Joachim?" Catherine questioned, her voice falling serious. "Oh no, do not say it is that again…" he continued to breathe heavily and lowered his head, feeling the room spin around him as his frame slid slightly down the large windowpane. His eyes trailed to stare silently out the window, his lips firming into an expressionless state while he felt the color rush out of his cheeks. Catherine's footsteps echoed through the room as she hurried toward him, but his eyes strayed to stare out the window and froze open in disbelief.
When he looked a black carriage carted by two gleaming chestnut horses trotted up and stopped before the flight of steps. Joachim leaned closer to the window. The attendant driving the carriage hopped off his seat to open the door to the passenger compartment. Joachim's breaths grew heavy when a metallic silver boot stepped out of he carriage, until the passenger's sweeping silver robes glittered in the sunlight.
"Joachim? Are you okay?" Catherine's gentle hand rested upon his shoulder while the boy continued to stare wordlessly at the white-haired figure emerging from the carriage. "Please answer! Perhaps you should rest for a while …"
"I am not sick." He replied without looking at her. Tendrils of long white hair fell down to the middle of the lord's back in lustrous straight layers. The man's severe eyes seemed to detect the fact he was being watched. Before the boy could dart away from the window, his father's head lifted, and his dark blue irises focused upon him. Not even a hint of a smile creased the corners of his lips as they stared at one another. Even though his father had not seen him in almost nine months, he barely acknowledged the child in the window before he ascended the steps to the manor's entrance doors, disappearing from sight.
"Lord Armster has returned! I wonder what kind of battles he fought this time?" Joachim didn't move until she stepped beside him and pressed her face against the window and stared at the ground below. "Why don't you ever talk about your father, Joachim?"
"Because I have nothing to say." Joachim nearly snapped, though he caught himself in time, softening his tone as he continued to gaze longingly out the window. As he stood there, a large, black bird appeared suddenly upon the window ledge. The boy immediately drew back, a gasp parting from his lips when his eyes fell upon the creature. The bird's tiny black eyes gleamed in the fading sunlight as it opened its beak, letting out a loud, unpleasant cry and ruffled its feathers. The bird perched itself upon the window ledge, refusing to move as the boy's face drained of all color. Haggard breaths escaped through his wan lips as he staggered, nearly falling, until Catherine caught him in her arms.
"Joachim! I will find Anneliese-"
"No!" Despite the concern upon the little girl's face, his eyes remained plastered upon the large, black bird. He clutched a hand to his chest, his entire form trembling the longer the bird's eyes looked at him through the window. The creature hopped along the ledge, unfurling its glossy wings, continuing to release obnoxious cries.
As if able to read his thoughts, Catherine's attention darted to the window ledge. "Are you afraid of that bird?" She asked, though her voice was gentle and she smiled in an attempt to comfort him. Without replying, he nodded, his eyes wide and glistening, frozen upon the terrible creature and unable to look away. Catherine steadied him before hurrying toward the window, her ebony-colored ringlets bouncing with her steps. She approached the glass and tapped upon it with her index finger. "Shoo! Get out of here! You are nothing but trouble, you mean bird!" Even though her bold insistence was somewhat humorous, his fear overcame his lightheartedness. Yet, to the boy's relief, the bird released a last loud cry before it unfurled its wings and departed, its black form disappearing into the trees. "Come, Joachim. You are not feeling well again. I will take you to your room."
His mind continued to whirl until he found himself lying in bed again, with Catherine sitting next to him clutching a book. "Maybe this will cheer you up!"
All at once, the boy's pale eyes brightened, and he returned her suggestion with a broad smile. "Beowulf! You know it's my favorite!"
"Of course, since you have asked me to read it to you almost a hundred times…" Catherine giggled, whilst her emerald eyes glittered with delight, for his face at last regained most of its color. Even though the boy was pale, his cheeks flushed a vibrant shade of red when she continued. "I know you well. You can rest and I will read it to you. I am here now, so you need not be afraid anymore."
"Can you read the part where he fights the dragon?"
"Again? Well, if you really want me to, I will. I know you like that part in the story. I kind of wish there was more romance in it…"
The boy's face wrinkled as she stuck her tongue out at him and giggled. He fell back against the pillow, watching her intently, whilst she began to read.
"My, you are burning a fever today. I am afraid you shall need some rest." He attempted to sit up in the bed, but was gently pushed back down onto his pillow by a fair hand accompanying a weak smile. "You poor child, perhaps I should fetch you an extra blanket. Are you comfortable?" he gazed up at the light glittering auburn eyes that always looked upon him kindly. The soft fleshy features and stout but robust woman stood at the side of his bed occasionally running one of her gentle hands across his cheek. Struggle as he may, he found no strength able to let him sit up in the bed.
His voice had become barely audible when he tried to speak. "I-I…I'm fine…" he coughed and sank down into the cushioned fabric of his pillow, while his eyes watched the woman rise off her chair and place a damp cloth over his forehead, brushing back the strands of silver silk from his cheeks with a soft tint of empathy in her glistening deep auburn eyes.
"You do not look fine, my child." She whispered back and resisted him when he attempted to wave her away. "Perhaps I should inform Lord Armster of this-"
"No. I will be well again within the hour." He attempted to lift the cloth away from his perspiring forehead, but his hands felt like lead that weighted down in lifeless positions against at his side. When his chest rose and shook from the force of a cough that pierced from his lips, her attendance next to him persisted the moment she pulled up a chair and sat down at his bedside.
She continued to gaze at him with soft concerned reminisce. "No matter what your father says, I believe you are a strong child. You have your mother's gentleness, for much of her was given to you. My poor little Joachim, for so long you have suffered your ailments. Since the day I allowed you to nurse from my bosom I vowed to care for you, as I would have my deceased infant whose cries were silent from the moment he emerged out of my womb. You were a second blessing into my open embrace, and regardless you were a gift to this world that I will let no sickness put asunder."
"Father…does not want to see me. Where is he now?" his voice became faint and distant, especially when her head shook in turn with her reply as she began to fuss with his covers and insisted they were tucked over him.
"Your father has many obligations to attend to, however he would never wish you to fall ill…you are his only son, after all." Her assurance failed to convince him, but seeing the question remain in his eyes she leaned over and kissed his damp cheek. "There, there my little Joachim." She cooed softly in his ear in a barely audible tone, and when his eyes met hers and the soft expression worn over her features he felt a twinge of calmness flood through him. "Do not be distressed, for he fights in the name of the lord and proclaims the everlasting glory of Christ and God. Lord Armster has invited a few others to join his company – I am certain he shall make time to visit you."
Although her assurances were optimistic, Joachim found little reason to increase his hopes. His eyelids became heavy, and with a last kiss on his cheek she leaned back in her chair. "Now rest, my child." her words remained calm. "I will stay with you." He continued to force his eyes open, and with his anxious words his body tensed once again.
"All night?"
She nodded reassuringly, allowing a few straying wisps of her light carrot colored hair that had begun to fall out of its bun. "All night. Now sleep." Her words, added by the dim glow of the candle placed atop his nightstand, soothed his fears into a restless sleep. He hardly slept when he felt ill, and it proved so when his eyes fluttered open a few hours later, which he could assume had passed by the changing position of the crescent moon in the night sky. The window near his bed had shone both a ray of light and a ray of awareness to the passage of time, and when he looked at his nursemaid sound asleep against the chair, his restlessness inclined him to rise from the bed. His mind whirled when he swung his feet over and set them onto the cold stone floor, but he withheld a groan long enough to wander from his chamber and down the long deserted corridor marking his wing of the manor.
He did not realize just how far from his chamber he had wandered, until he stumbled on the opposite wing of the manor forbidden to him. The darkness had eluded his sense of direction, and added by his whirling confused bouts of dizziness and fatigue; he leaned against the wall so he could continue standing. The corridor was silent until the loud echo of footsteps resounded from the opposite end, and with a panic stricken gasp he flew around the corner and pressed his back against the wall. The steps grew closer, but they were made not by one person, but two for the sounds were separate and differently paced. He peered around the corner, and his eyes became alit when he saw the tall form of his father emerging from the darkness of the corridor. The gleaming silver shoulder plate donning the lord's left shoulder, added by the thick silver gauntlets cladding both his hands and long white hair, made the young child's eyes dance with guilty admiration that vanished when he noticed the lord did not walk in solitude.
Though Lord Armster's steps were as grave as if he was marching a funeral procession, the chestnut haired woman Joachim saw clinging to his right arm paid little heed to the solemn pace. "You are such a handsome devil." Her words sliced through the quiet air like the blade of a sword cutting through flesh. The woman's twinkling silver colored eyes shone with anticipation. "Come now, do not leave me waiting, tell me how you plan to please me tonight."
"Be silent." Lord Armster's words responded in a harsh snippet, and though it would have been intense enough to startle Joachim into silence, the woman ignored it.
"To be seen at the arm of none other than the untouchable Lord Armster is something of an accomplishment." The woman took no notice of the lord's annoyed glare.
He watched his father pull away from her grasp, but when her hands continued to cling at his arm his other hand flew and knocked her aside like a horse swatting a buzzing fly. "I said be silent!" his voice hissed, and the tone was loud enough to fill the silent corridor. "You are fortunate I have brought you to into my home, Lady Trantoul. Apparently, the virtue of wedlock has evaded you're rather audacious tastes."
"You speak such bitter words." The woman answered as her hands trailed to his nape and stroked the long strands of his hair when he stopped in front of his chamber door in the corridor. Joachim remained perfectly still, and watched with widened eyes when the woman pressed her lips against his neck and gave subtle kisses down to his collarbone. "Come now, cheer up milord. What can I do to please you? Name it, and if not, let me surprise you." A soft smile crossed her ruby lips.
His father spoke solemnly, his dark blue eyes glaring at the woman with visible contempt. "I do not like surprises. Let us simply make haste with this and be done. A woman of your caliber should have no qualms with making love."
The lord's hand reached for the door, and without further words he pushed it open and admitted her to follow him inside. "My, are you always this blunt?" the woman's sharp question was left unanswered until she sighed and walked behind him into the darkness of the chamber. When she moved to close the door, she shut it lightly so it was just partially ajar.
Joachim lingered in the hallway like a ghostly shadow, watching from around the corner but hearing only silence. His heart pounded in his chest as he took cautious steps toward his father's chamber door, tempted to speculate but fearful of intruding upon business that was not his own. The cost of being discovered for spying would be dear, and he was embarrassed about wandering around in his long white nightgown in the middle of the night. His nursemaid would surely be frantic if she discovered his absence. As painful as it was to go against her, he paused near the doors in a frozen state upon hearing sounds emitting from within the room. The boy blinked several times in the darkness and struggled to adjust to the lack of light. He swallowed hard as he leaned toward the door and peered through. To his horror, he witnessed his father and the woman tangled together in an array of bed sheets. The woman was draped beneath his father's toned frame, and he could not block out the unanimous gasps and groans parted from her as she arched beneath his pleasuring thrusts, her voice releasing loud cries whilst her dark brown hair tumbled down her back.
Joachim reeled away from the door, but as his frame flew back he stumbled over the seam of his nightgown and fell against the wall. Fortunately, neither adults had heard the noise, as he clamped his hands over his tear-streaked face. The room began to spin like a disoriented dream, and he whirled and ran as fast as he could from whence he came. The dizziness he felt only increased, and he tripped several times before reaching his bed where his nursemaid still sat against her chair asleep. Joachim dove beneath the thick covers where he allowed his tears to flow and dampen his pillow.
Eventually, he fell asleep, though his dreams were full of nightmares. Black birds surrounded him, their loud, detestable calls echoing through a dark forest. He was running, trying to escape them, but the black birds flew at his heels and pecked at him with their sharp, pointed beaks. Everything around him whirled when he fell, screaming, as the flock of birds landed upon him. Their beaks pecked at his ashen flesh, tearing it to pieces, unwilling to relent, even when his blood flowed across the dirt around him. The birds' wings outstretched and flapped noisily, deafening the sounds of his anguished screams. He hated those birds as much as he feared them. I am not dead! I am not dead! Stop! But they refused to listen to his cries. Their tiny, beady eyes blinked at him mercilessly whilst they continued to snap at him, the long nails of their feet digging into his backside as they hopped and flapped upon him. More birds converged, eager to find a place upon him before the others reduced his flesh to bone. Stop! I am not dead! Leave me alone! One of his bloody, torn hands outstretched across the ground, searching for someone to save him from the cruel birds. His pale eyes widened when he saw his father suddenly standing over him, looking down upon him, saying nothing and refusing to move…shadows crept around him, until the only things he heard were the loathsome cries of the birds, and the beating of wings…
The morning sun awoke him, and his words whispered from his lips the moment he became aware he was awake. "Father…father…why…?" his voice felt stronger, and he looked up into the grinning expression of the young nursemaid seated next to him on the bed.
"At last you have awoken, my child." Her eyes were alit with a joyful but still concerned aura. "Are you feeling better? Your father is not here at this present time, and I heard you calling for him since the middle of the night. My poor little darling…" her soft fingers caressed his forehead as he forced himself to sit up and gazed about the brightly lit room while the warm golden sunrays shining through the large windows kissed his face.
"I feel much better." He replied breathlessly as his mind warped to the image he witnessed the previous night. Had it all been a dream? He wished it were so, until the nursemaid helped him out of the bed.
"My," she exclaimed happily. "You look so much better today! Wait right there little Joachim, and I shall fetch you your clothes." He stood as if lost when she swept to he opposite side of the spacious bedroom and began to pull various pieces of fine clothing from the closet. "Tis' a rather stunning day outside. Vassal Kyran says a mare is expecting to give birth today, and since your father departed for Brendelham with the Lady Trantoul, I see no reason why you cannot visit the stable. Miss Corydon is expected to spend the morning in your company."
"Really? Catherine?" his voice instantly became lighter at the thought, especially when the nursemaid smiled and laid the clothes out on the bed.
"Indeed." She answered and began to unbutton his nightgown while preparing his robes. "Only if you are a good boy though, and you must attend to your studies like your father wished – I am expecting you back here by noon. Now, if you stand still, let me get you dressed."
The moment she reached for his shirt, he grabbed it off the bed and pulled it on without the slightest hesitation. "No," he protested when she attempted to assist him with his other clothes. "I can dress myself! Besides, you take forever and I want to go and see Catherine!" his voice shook with excitement that was further amplified when he finished getting dressed and bounded for the door.
"Wait!" the nursemaid called after him, and he whirled only to lunge and catch an apple. "Don't forget your breakfast. I want you to be a healthy boy, at least for a longer period than before, so you must eat do you understand, child?"
"Yes, Anneliese. I promise to return by noon!" he bounded out the door without a backward glance, and headed for the main entranceway of the manor. His legs were able enough to carry him into the crisp morning air outside, where he looked up at the pale blue atmosphere dotted with wisps of white clouds. The horizon was clear and the sounds of birds singing and bees buzzing refreshed the season of spring that had set in to warm the normally cold estate. Joachim bounded directly for the barn, and when he entered the large space his awaited young lady was there to greet him.
"Joachim, you're well again!" he smiled back at the soft features of Catherine, who stood beyond the threshold gazing back at his delighted expression.
"Yes, I'm well. Its wonderful to see you again, how goes your family as of late?" his question seemed slightly bland for what he wanted to say, but she reached for his hand and escorted him hurriedly into the barn. The smell of horses clouded his nose, but the young girl leading him around seemed to have little issue with it.
"Everyone is well," she replied in her light and merry voice, and as her face turned to look at him over her shoulder. "I'm glad you are up and about. You must come and see this! A mare is about to give birth. I bet you haven't seen a foal being born, have you?"
"Are you certain you wish to witness such a thing? I heard its messy business." He winked when she puffed out her cheeks and rolled her eyes.
"Of course I do!" she gave a hasty reply when they reached the stable and looked at the door already open as one of the serfs tended to the mare within. "I may be a lady, but I can witness just as many things as you! I thought you would get ill at the sight and run back to Anneliese crying." She gave a returned wink when he ignored her and stood watching the mare.
Within a moment of their arrival the equine lowered itself onto the ground as the serf received the newborn foal. Both children watched the long tedious process to its full extent, but when the placenta encased newborn began to slowly emerge Joachim chuckled when he noticed Catherine retreat slightly back the moment the bloodied sight came into view. After an hour, the newborn foal slid onto the straw covered floor behind the heaving mare. Within a few moments Joachim gasped to see the mare rise and turn to lick the birthing fluids off the tiny foal lying near her legs. The little newborn blinked several times and swiveled its dainty ears, listening to the sounds of the world for the first time. The reassuring whicker from its mother seemed to encourage it. Within the hour the creature struggled awkwardly to stand until it took its first unsteady steps around the stall.
"My, what a sturdy fellow he's trying to be!" Catherine's elated exclamations made a smile cross his wan lips.
Joachim extended his hand to the newborn, whistling softly to it under his breath. The foal's ears pricked forward in an instant, and its head moved to look in all directions for the meaning of the sound. Giving the foal a gentle bump with her muzzle, the mare urged the newborn to explore its surroundings. He whistled again, keeping his hand extended until he felt the foal's velvety muzzle brush against his palm. After releasing a hesitant snort, the newborn stepped closer to him, its furry coat gleaming like silver. "Hello there…" he whispered, trying to avoid startling the tiny creature. "I am Joachim, and I welcome you into the world."
"What shall you name him?" Catherine asked and reached out to pet the newborn foal.
Joachim thought for a moment. He was long past the age when a boy was supposed to learn how to ride a horse. Nevertheless, he was determined to learn in spite of his father's objections. The moment he laid eyes upon the foal, he loved it with all his heart. The foal's innocent, dark eyes looked up at him gently as it nuzzled his shoulder. With a smile, he glanced at Catherine and replied. "Cojiro. I am going to train this foal and learn how to ride. Nothing is going to convince me, otherwise."
"Cojiro!" Catherine repeated the animal's name, returning his smile with her own as her emerald eyes glinted. "What a regal name! If you learn to ride, can I accompany you? My father forbids me from riding horses…he says it's not lady like." Disappointment shadowed her face for a moment as she stared at the nuzzling foal.
"Of course I will, Catherine." The boy felt his cheeks grow hot. With a nervous laugh, he returned his attention to the foal and stroked its neck. "I hope you grow up to be a big strong stallion someday, Cojiro, and make your mother and father proud. A lot prouder than I have made mine…"
By the time he bid farewell to Catherine and returned to the manor, his throat constricted to know he was late. He ran inside the large estate and moved to hurry to his chamber, but when he reached the door his father's loud but calm voice stopped him in place as if he were struck by lightning. "How dare you defy me, lowly servant!" The boy peered around the doorway and saw the lord standing before the young nursemaid, but to his surprise the harsh tone in his voice did little to frighten her. "I told you the boy is to remain indoors at all times until his illness has improved. Why did you allow him to venture around with that heathen young girl?" His eyes widened when she ignored the lord's incensed demeanor with her undaunted reply.
"Milord, Joachim needs to go outside and spend time with other people, not cooped up in his room staring at books all day long. It worsens his health when he becomes depressed."
"No excuses!" Joachim heard his father's tone increase, however the lord's expression was curtained behind his long white hair that fell in layered strands down his sleek back. "He is my only son! He is not allowed outdoors without my consent! I am disappointed with your insolence, and I expect nothing but complete silence from my servants unless I allow you to speak. The boy is ill and weak, and if you let him run amuck then he shall ignore what he is capable of – namely his studies that are the only aspects worthwhile in his life."
The nursemaid shook her head and folded her arms across her chest, replying to his words with swift objection. "He is a child! Your cruelty toward him is unjust-"
The woman's words were cut short by the sting of back of the lord's hand when it stuck against her face and sent her careening onto the floor like a rag doll. Joachim sobbed at the sound of his father's voice that spoke like the hiss of a viper readying to strike a second time. "I do not allow servants to question my authority. Your services are no longer required at my estate, and you are to be sent to Lady Trantoul who you shall serve from this day forward. If you disagree with that, I am sure you can find a suitable place on the streets next to the beggars and harlots."
A cold scowl crossed the lord's fine features, but his words sent ruptures of gasps from the nursemaid who attempted to crawl away from him on the floor. "How can you send me away?" she rasped between panicked breaths. "Who will care for your son? His condition is serious, he could fall ill again-"
"I doubt that it is of great concern, especially since he is wandering about my stable. I will simply find someone else, perhaps even Father Genesio will be a benefit for him, but you are no longer needed nor wanted." The tall lord stood over her form writhing on the floor, but when his infuriated gaze changed to irritation, he grabbed her hair and moved to wrench her off the floor. It was that action that drove a spark of indignation through Joachim's soul, and with an equally enraged outcry he flew away from the doorframe and ran toward his father.
"Stop it, father! Leave her alone! I won't let you hurt her!" his hand lunged out to push the man away, but with the speed matching that of a falcon, his father's arm blocked his attempt and sent him reeling back onto the bed.
"Stupid boy." His father's voice spit when their eyes locked. "You are to focus on your studies and remain as silent as a ghost in my household. Unless I summon you, I do not wish to hear or see your wretchedly pale little face." The lord's long hair swept with his quick steps, and in barely a moment he departed from the room.
Joachim's mind was still spinning from the force of the blow, and he struggled to sit up until he felt two warm hands cup his face and lift him off the bed. His voice shook when the tears spilled down his cheeks, and he buried his face against her chest when she brushed them away with her hand and cradled him close to her. "Do not fear, my child." She reassured in the softest voice he had ever heard her speak to him with. He gazed up at the dim twinkle in her auburn eyes, accompanied by the carrot colored strands of her lovely hair he used to play with when he was small. "Perhaps I have coddled you too much. You are and will always be, like a son to me."
Just as his father had ordered, by twilight the nursemaid had left the estate, and in the passage of a few minutes his childhood passed away with her leave. Joachim watched her climb into an awaiting carriage through the large windows of the great hall, and stayed until the carriage carried her into the darkness of the night. The boy turned and fled the hall, where he deliberately made his way to the forbidden wing of his father's chamber. At the sound of the lord's voice slowly becoming clearer as he neared, he darted behind a corner and saw his father standing with the same lady he saw the previous evening. The woman giggled despite the grave expression washing over his father's features. "Yes milord, how might I be of service?"
A gentle sigh parted through Lord Armster's lips. "I…do not wish to spend the night alone, Lady Trantoul…"
"I see." A look of concern appeared across the woman's delicate face. "Perhaps, I can amend that."
"Perhaps." Lord Armster's dark blue eyes fled from her, until she reached and cupped his face with her hand.
"What is the matter?" She asked, looking at him unblinkingly, until he pushed her hand away as if it were diseased.
When a look of offence threatened to break the woman's compassion, he began, with an unusual hint of regret in his voice. "I will always need you."
"No…" She whispered, her eyes retreating from his icy gaze. The woman's lips trembled. "You will need me until I satisfy you. Tis' the truth, milord. I know your heart…belonged to your wife."
The lord opened the door and took her hand, a gesture that alit a flame within Joachim's heart when the woman smiled and followed him inside. They shut the door tightly behind them, though it still failed to stifle the sounds coming from within.
Such actions did not cease despite his hatred of his father's lust. He would venture to the great hall and look upon the portrait of his mother, remembering her despite never knowing her. He imagined his mother's voice sound no less than angelical, and always she spoke his name and reassured him from his troubles. Reality was far from his dreams. When her voice faded out of his mind, he realized he was gazing at a painted canvas with no life to ease his sorrow.
One evening, he awoke during the middle of the night and looked at his pale reflection in the mirror on the nightstand. The only thing he saw reflecting within it was his father's face. A surge of rage filled him as he lifted the mirror and let it drop upon the floor. The glass shattered everywhere, its sound breaking the stillness of the night. Without hesitating, he rummaged through the drawers on the nightstand until he found a dagger hidden beneath his study parchments. He had stolen it from his father's bedroom the previous night, after his father had departed for the East. He took the long, silky locks of his pearly white hair in his fist and slid the blade across. Within seconds, his once long, ivory hair fell upon the floor, leaving shoulder-length locks in its wake. A satisfied grimace crossed his lips whilst he gazed at his reflection in the mirror's broken shards. His father would be furious when he discovered what he had done.
The less like his father he was, the better.