N: this is a one shot rattling in my head. It's inspired by the new Ingrid Michaelson song missing you, i borrowed a few lyrics from the song to write this mess. You should check out the song as you read this. It's pretty great. And as always, i don't own anything other than the original adventure and dialogue of these ladies. Enjoy!

Three months after Paris-

"No, it's my fault. I lost track of my schedule today. I'm sorry, Cameron, I don't think I'll make dinner." I rolled my eyes at the awkward pleading in Davies voice. "Yeah, I'll make it up to you. Look, I have to head home before my ma Skypes." I mumbled a few more words before hanging up.

Rolling my neck, I collected the day's tests and shoved them in my briefcase before standing up from my desk. I'd lied my ass off. I told Davie's I was stuck at the academy in a classroom and couldn't meet him downtown for dinner, drinks and a sleepover. In reality I was sitting in raggedy sweatpants, a old t-shirt and ordered pizza five minutes before he called.

The problem wasn't him. It honestly was me.

I couldn't think straight lately. My entire mind was consumed by Maura ever since she emailed the pictures from our trip four days ago. Including the one of us on the balcony of her rented apartment. The Eiffel tower hovering in the background, the Paris lights doing their romantic magic. It was a beautiful night. It was out last night together. The next morning, we traveled to the airport in painful silence, hugged each other goodbye and went our separate ways. Maura back to Boston. Me back to a lonely suburb outside of Quantico. In the months since, we'd begun to grow apart. Probably due to the fact we both had no clue how to handle the situation I placed us in on the last day of our trip.

I sighed, running my hands through my hair. It was that picture that threw my world into a literal twirl. I tried to go out with Davies. Make something out of this causal situation.

But his hands roamed all over the right places, but when I opened my eyes, it was the wrong face in front of me.

One kiss. A kiss fueled by the romance floating heavy in the night air of Paris. I took one look at Maura as she laughed at a stupid joke I made about the Eiffel tower. Her eyes lit up like hazel colored gems and all of my will and restraint flew out the window, down to clatter like a broken bottle on the cobblestone street below us.

I kissed Maura. She kissed me. We kissed each other and it was like a lightning storm shrieking through my body.

I groaned, standing up quickly to pace around my tiny, crappy apartment. I shoved the feelings in with an overstuffed suitcase, never to be opened. But then that single photograph rocketed me back to that night. The sound of Maura's voice as she spoke.

"Jane. If only I knew. But I fear it's too late." Her hand brushed across my cheek, pulling a soft sigh out of me. She stepped away, holding my hand as she pointed to the far right. "If you can get up early enough, we can watch the sun rise. The sunlight reflects off the tower and makes it light up like it was on fire." The way she squeezed my hand told me a thousand silent words.

I stared at her. Stunned into silence. I wanted to say she lit me up like I was on fire. I wanted to say I loved her. Had been in love with her for the longest time, but I couldn't get out of my head. I couldn't get past the fear of what if she didn't feel the same?

Biting my thumbnail, I continued to pace when my phone vibrated on the desk. I rolled my eyes. It was probably Davies trying to through out a last ditch attempt to get me to come over after dinner. He was pushing for more sleepovers, but I wasn't interested. Every time he kissed me after that Paris kiss, it didn't feel right. It felt like I was kissing a dead fish. No fire, no sparks, no lightning curling through my hair to short circuit my brain. I scooped up the phone, readying a short but curt response, when I saw Maura's name.

-Did you receive the email? I sort through the pictures and selected the ones I thought you would like best. I hope you're well, Jane. Tell Agent Davies I said hello. –

Maura. Maura always being the consummate professional. Always taking the high road and holding that stiff upper lip. I could read in between the words of her text. She was sad. It was the I hope you're well comment. It was her polite way of pushing distance between people she was trying to disconnect from. Tommy got it a handful of times until he picked up Maura was throwing down, she didn't want to date him.

I spun in a circle, clutching my phone when I glanced at the fridge. Eyes landing on the picture. I'd stupidly printed it out yesterday and hung it up on the fridge. I had an idea immersion therapy would get me over it. Get me over the fact I kissed my best friend. That's when it hit me like a steel bat to the back of the head. My heart pounding like I'd just stole home at Fenway.

No. I kissed the woman I loved.

I took a few breaths, staring at the ceiling. Counting the feelings, I had for Maura, realizing they never matched up to anyone I'd ever met before. She made my heart literally ache to be near her. I chuckled, I even stole a half empty bottle of her perfume the last morning in Paris. Shoving it my underwear like a stupid kid. But I couldn't help it. I did it out of spontaneity and as I took a deep breath, inhaling her scent I sprayed this morning, I knew what I had to do.

Fuck it.

I hit her contact picture and pressed the phone to my ear, gnawing on my thumbnail to keep this last minute of courage up.

Two rings and she answered.

"Jane? Are you alright?"

"Yeah. No. Maybe. I'm not sure." I swallowed down my heart lurching to escape through my mouth.

"What's wrong?" Her voice took that serious doctor tone I adored. Shit, I adored every aspect of this woman.

I blurted it out. "You're in my head, Maura. I can't get you out. When he kisses me, I miss you more than I could imagine. You're not here with me and it's hard." I blew out a heavy breath. "I don't want to be dramatic, but the pictures you sent. I can't do it anymore, Maura. I can't do it."

There was a heavy pause. "Do what, Jane?"

I grumbled. Hating that I was in love with an oblivious genius. "Maura. You know." It was now or never. "The kiss. Our kiss. I can't stop thinking about it, you. Did you mean it when you said you fear it's too late?" I bit hard on my thumbnail.

"I spent six and a half years next to you. Hiding what I felt for you. You laid beside me in my bed and I had to lay on my hands so I wouldn't grab you. Kiss you, hold you. I hid all of that from you, Jane. You were my best friend, are my best friend." Maura let out a shuddering breath. "I don't regret that kiss. I only regret our timing wasn't better."

I felt her backing up. Throwing up the cold walls she hid behind. "Maura, please."

"You have Agent Davies. He's a good man." Maura was definitely doing the back trot.

"I'm an idiot. So, indulge my idiocy." I paced around the room, glancing at the clock. "If I was standing at your door right now, telling you all of this, what would you do? What if I told you in your always in my dreams, my waking thoughts and I think, no, I know, I love you, Maura Isles."

"You're not standing in front of my door, Jane. You're in your apartment in Quantico. Living the life you chose. We both knew Paris was a vacation, a fantasy. I'll forever hold that month close to my heart. I'll hold that kiss close to my heart, Jane." I heard the tears in her voice.

"Please, just answer me. If I was standing in front of you, would you tell me the truth? Would you tell me it wasn't too late? Would you let me love you? Kiss you like I did that night?" I had a crazy idea fill my head. A crazy idea fueled by the fact I loved Maura and if this ship was going down, I was going to fight until the last breath.

"Jane, it's nine o'clock at night. I had a very long day at the morgue. I think we should sleep on things and maybe I'll call you tomorrow at lunchtime." She sniffled, a clear sign she was doing her fudge the truth just enough not to get hives. She wanted to talk but who wanted to have this heavy hearted talk over the phone?

"Maura, just tell me before we hang up. If I was standing in front of you…"

"Yes. I'd tell you the truth. But it isn't feasible. Goodnight, Jane."

I heard the tail end of a broken sob when Maura hung up.

I gripped my phone so tightly, I heard the case crack. I glanced at the clock once more.

Fuck it.

Grabbing my car keys, I snatched a coat and jammed my feet into a pair of running shoes. Muttering Fuck it, over and over as I climbed in my car and started heading north.

XXXXX

Maura

I couldn't see my phone, I was crying so hard my vision blurred.

Sending the pictures was a bad idea. I knew it could've provoked Jane into either silence or an unpleasant conversation like we just had. Wiping my face, I kicked off my heels and walked through the kitchen. My home felt so painfully empty now that Jane wasn't bursting through the door at all times.

My heart hurt. My head hurt and I was upset with myself for not telling her the truth. But what was the point? What's the point of telling her over the phone knowing when we hung up, the world would continue as it has. Her in Quantico with Agent Davies and I in Boston, slipping back into my solitary ways.

I loved Jane. I was irrevocably in love with Jane and that kiss in Paris was everything and more. But a day late and a dollar short, as Angela would say. We had a month to explore our feelings. We shared intensely intimate moments, and yet neither of us broke down and shared our feelings until that kiss.

So I did what I always did. I closed up my emotions and remained the strong one. I hugged her goodbye and provided her with enough space to live her new life. The new life she chose to search out when she took the FBI job.

It was too late and not my place to ask her to stay. I knew the moment I told her I loved her, she'd upset her plans and stay in Boston for me. I could never ask her to alter her life so completely for me.

I sighed, pouring a large glass of wine before sitting on my couch to stare at the fireplace. I was tired, sad and debating what I wanted to do next. Boston was lifeless without Jane in it. It became another busy city where I felt out of place. Everyone continued to be pleasant with me at work. They invited me out for after work drinks, invites I turned down. As time passed, my love for Jane grew stronger and began to hurt more. I couldn't do anything about it. Jane was a force to be reckoned with and very afraid of her feelings. I saw the fear in her eyes after we kissed. Pure panic. I gave her the perfect out, as she would say, and moved us away from the possibility there were feelings there.

And it was one of the biggest mistakes I'd ever made.

I sipped the wine, taking large sips to ease the tensions my body held. I felt a few more tears slide down my cheeks as I looked at the picture of us from that night sitting on my mantel. I'd printed it out right before I sent it to Jane. For a few days it made me smile, now it made me cry.

I took another large sip of wine, standing up to grab the bottle. I was going to finish the bottle and hope the alcohol would send me into a dreamless sleep. I never did such a thing, but talking to Jane overwhelmed me and I needed the numbness the alcohol would surely bring.

Tomorrow would be a new day. I'd give myself one night of sorrow before planning my own future. Perhaps I could take that job offer from Scotland Yard, or quit work all together and travel the world until I found somewhere that felt like home.

Eight hours later-

The incessant ringing of my doorbell pulled me from a wine induced sleep. I ran downstairs, tugging on a sweatshirt as I reached for the large baseball bat Frankie gave me a three weeks ago. It was almost four thirty in the morning. No reason for anyone to be at my door. My head pounded from the wine and the high pitch doorbell made me cringe.

I groaned, yanking the door open a crack. "I will bash your head in if you don't tell me right now why you're at my door." I squinted to look through the bright light of my porch light, moving the bat in front of my face.

A slim hand with a familiar scar wrapped around the bat right above my head. "Nice to see Frankie listened to me when I asked him to keep an eye one you." Jane's raspy voice startled me.

"Jane?"

She pushed the door open wider. Smiling as she took the bat from me slowly, setting it on the floor right inside the doorway. She stepped inside, her eyes running over my sweatshirt. "I wondered where that went to."

I crossed my arms to hide the BPD logo of her sweatshirt I'd stolen before we left for Paris. "I'll give it back." I ran my hand through my hair. "What are you doing here? It's very early in the morning." My hands began shaking.

"Oh I know. I've had ten jumbo coffees on the way here. Did you know truck stops are incredibly creepy in the middle of the night? Thank god I won't be making this drive again." She moved a step closer, making me take a step back. She looked at me with those big brown eyes I loved. "Maura."

I shook my head. "Jane."

Jane suddenly grabbed the sides of my face, pulling me into her and kissing me without a second breath. I tried to fight it, but melted the second I felt her lips on mine. The electricity and overwhelming warmth I felt the last time we kissed, consumed me and I became lost in everything Jane Rizzoli. I was drawn deeper into her and felt my heartbeat like it hadn't since she left me. My hands fell to her waist, squeezing her hips through the heavy fabric of her coat before she broke the kiss.

Jane ran her thumb under my bottom lip. "My ma said I was born late and it's probably why I'm always behind the curve of life." She smiled as I blushed from her touch. "I had eight hours to think of how I was going to do this. And as I stand in front of you, screw it." She licked her lips. "I love you, Maura. I think I've loved you since I laid my eyes on you. I'm scared shitless, more than I was that night in Paris. All I know is I can't stop thinking about you. Everyone isn't you and I only want you. I might be too late, but I had to do this. You're in my head and I don't want you ever to get out of it." She sighed as I was stunned into silence, unable to utter a coherent word. She shrugged as her hands began to fall away from my face. She pointed at the couch with a defeated look on her face. "Can I take a nap on your couch before hitting the road again? I might have to head to my boss's office to explain the resignation email I sent around Pennsylvania. I'll only be an hour, or I can sleep in my car."

Jane went to step around me. I reached out, grabbing her wrist, pulling her attention back to me. "Maura? What's up?"

I lunged at her, kissing her with everything I had, almost knocking us both to the ground if it wasn't for Jane catching me around the waist. I held her face in my hands, pouring everything I ever felt for this woman into one kiss. I heard her moan as I bit her bottom lip, ending the kiss.

"You drove eight hours in the middle of the night."

She shrugged again, her cheeks a bright red. "I'd drive a thousand for you. You hesitated when I asked what would happened if I showed up at your door. I took that as a hint." She grinned, pushing the hair away from my face. "I love you. I want this. I don't want to hide from you and what I feel for you. It's not too late, Maura. We can do this. Life is pretty boring and not worth it without you. Kissing anyone who's not you is, a waste of my heart."

I grinned, my eyes tearing up. "I love you, Jane. Have for a very long time. And you're right, it isn't too late. I have wished for three months you saw the hives on my neck that night, before I pulled on a sweater and went to bed."

She squinted at me. "That's why you slept in a sweater." She shook her head, kissing the corner of my mouth. "I should hand in my detective badge for missing something like that."

I closed my eyes, falling into Jane's arms. "I love you. I want to tell you every day, every night, and every moment I can." I sighed, soaking in her warmth. "But what do we do now?"

Jane chuckled, sighing dramatically. "We go to bed. You call off for the next few days and drive back to Quantico with me. I'll need someone to help move my crap back home. After that, come what may."

I smiled, looking up at the woman I loved. "Maybe we could go back to Paris?"

Jane winked at me, grabbing my hand to lead me upstairs. "We could. But only if I can kiss you and hold your hand as we walk through the streets. It was the one thing I wanted to do in Paris and never got to do."

I laughed, following her up to my bedroom. "I'll add it to the to do list first thing when we wake up."

"Perfect." Jane yawned like an angry bear. "Hurry up, I've slept for shit every night since we came home. It's hard to sleep when you're not next to me."

I grinned, nodding to her back. "Me too."

As I walked into my room, watching Jane shed her coat and sweatpants, I let out a soft sight.

I no longer had to dream of this for another night. My dreams finally became a reality. And it wasn't too late.