All was not well for 22-year-old Harry Potter as he trudged up the steps to No. 12 Grimmauld Place drunk off his arse, again. The door creaked open and he stumbled through and promptly fell forward and smashed his face on the floor.
"Ow," he said.
Well, it wasn't as comfortable as his bed, but it would do. And Harry swiftly fell asleep.
His head was aching. No, it was aching. And what on earth was that infernal sound?
Clang clang clang clang
Harry groaned and slowly sat up, his face hurt having been smushed to the floor for Merlin knows how long and he wanted nothing more than to curl up and go back to sleep.
Clang clang clang clang
"KREACHER!" Harry yelled with his head on the floor and staring at the ceiling.
A House Elf popped into existence right above his head and his wrinkled face entered Harry's field of vision.
"What is that noise?" Harry asked with the last vestiges of strength that he had. His eyes began to slowly close again.
Clang
Harry's eyes popped open.
"Oh this?" Kreacher asked like the sadistic fucker that he was and slammed a metal spoon against a metal pot for emphasis. Clang. "Kreacher be doing cleaning of the kitchen for the young master."
Harry sighed.
"Do you have to do it so loudly first thing in the morning?"
"Young master is confused, it be well past 2 PM. Well past the times for young masters to go works with Miss Grangies."
That elf was going to be the death of him. But Harry didn't fight him, he knew Kreacher was right and if he managed to get up now and get to the Ministry, he would only be…4 and a bit hours late for his meeting.
Slowly, painfully slowly, Harry picked himself up from the floor. With a swish of his wand, he spelled away the spell of alcohol and from his clothes and his mouth and made his way to the Floo.
"Master be needing this potion," Kreacher said, popping next to him as he reached for the floo powder.
Harry jumped in shock. "How many times have I told you to stop doing that?"
Kreacher smiled on creepily, unrepentant. He held out a cup of swirling purple potion, one that Harry had grown intimately familiar with. A Hangover Cure potion.
Harry downed the potion without further comment and his headache immediately receded.
"Thanks Kreacher."
"Kreacher will always be helping young master, even when young master is good-for-nothing layabout with no job and no prospects." The little fucker smiled as he said it sincerely.
Harry was tempted to throw him in the fire. He knew Sirius would have approved, but he restrained himself. Muttering under his breath, Harry threw the floo powder into the fireplace and intoned for the Ministry of Magic.
Amid of wash of green flames, Harry went spinning and was spat out in the Ministry. He laid on his hands and knees as he was out of the floo and dry heaved on the floor of the Atrium. The little fucker had given him a mild hangover cure, not the whole thing. It was all part of Kreacher's plan to make him suffer.
"Harry dear, whatever are you doing?"
Oh shit. Harry looked up to see a pair of fattening pale legs attached to a bedazzled gold robe worn by one of his least favourite reporters.
"Examining the state of cleanliness maintained by the Ministry." Harry rubbed his elbow on the floor to get out an imaginary spot. "There, much better, I must tell Kingsley about this."
He slowly stood up to his feet and nearly fell down again when a bright flash went off. Bozo the cameraman smiled semi-toothily from behind Skeeter as she smiled in that scary, acerbic way meaning he was going to be on tomorrow's Page 6. He could read the headline now, 'Janitor Who Won heads Ministry Cleaning Efforts - How the Great Fall'.
"Are you off to see your friend, Ms. Granger. I hear you had a nasty falling out with her fiancé, Ron Weasley, trouble in paradise? There are rumours that you two were an item since your schooldays." Rita nattered on as she maintained step with him and Bozo followed along behind her.
Harry sighed. There was no point fighting back. She followed him all the way to the Ministry lifts at which point, she had to pause as there was space for only one more. He waved mockingly at her as the lifts closed but the predatory smile she sent him was chilling. He groaned internally, knowing he was going to regret this.
"Level 1, Department of Magical Law Enforcement," said the crisp clear voice of the Ministry lift.
Harry stepped out of the lift and made his way past the Auror office. He ducked his head and tried his best to avoid eye contact.
"Potter?"
Clearly his best was no good.
He looked up and saw Susan Bones walking up to him. "I knew that was you, what brings you back here? Planning to rejoin?"
Harry shrugged his shoulders and gave her a reassuring smile.
She sighed in resignation. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Hermione is in a meeting right now, you can wait for her." She sniffed and walked away.
Harry sighed and continued to make his way down the hallway.
"Oh and Harry?"
He turned as a blue light came careening into his face. He immediately felt a breakout of acne all over his face that he couldn't help but scratch. "What the fuck, Bones?"
She smiled triumphantly. "That was for the Yule Party last year."
Harry froze. He nodded. Fair enough. He began to walk away when Susan came hurrying behind him.
"What? No comeback?" She yelled from behind him.
He quickened his pace.
"Say something asshole! Fuck you, Potter!"
He ducked instinctively but no spell flew over his head. Small mercies.
He turned a quick right to escape Susan's wrath and stopped in front of a small office with a clear name card on the door: Hermione Granger, Junior Auror Captain. Patty the secretary sat at her desk outside Hermione's office, her head jammed into the latest scandalous novel about illicit love affairs. She had her bottle blonde hair tied up in a perfect bun and large glasses that had hearts twirled on the edges of the frame perched on her nose.
"Ms. Granger is in a meeting," she said while chewing gum and without looking up.
"It's me, Patty."
Patty looked up and stared fixedly at Harry's face. "Hello Mr. Potter, I heard Ms. Bones yelling at you from down the corridor." She chewed.
Harry bristled but said nothing. "Can I wait inside?"
"She really doesn't like it if you sit in her office without her there." She chewed more.
"I think she will make an exception."
"Did you know you're covered in pimples? I have a cream for that somewhere here." Patty began to rummage through her bag, looking for the mysterious cream, as she continued to chew her gum.
Harry ground his teeth. "It's fine, Patty, I'll just be inside."
She looked up again. She chewed some more. "She really doesn't like that."
"I'm going in Patty!" Harry finally declared and began to walk into Hermione's office…only for the door to slam right into his face and push him back two steps.
Harry yelped and pressed a hand to his nose, he turned to look at Patty as she had her wand outstretched and pointed at the door while she chewed her infernal gum. "You can wait there." She pointed to the visitor chair opposite the office. "She doesn't like people entering her office when she's not-"
"I know Patty! I fucking know! For Merlin's sake, spit out that gum before I show you how I killed Voldemort!"
The two stared each other down. Harry had murderous intent in his eyes. Patty met his gaze evenly. She bit down on the gum harder and opened her mouth wide to show how well she continued to chew it.
Defeated, Harry stalked back to the chair pointed out to him and took a seat. He stared at Patty, dreaming of every curse and hex he could conjure up to torture her into pieces while rubbing his nose and idly scratching his pimples. Tiny pieces. Smack smack smack. Tiny pieces of gum that he would feed to Azkaban inmates, but even as transfigured as gum, she would feel those inmates chewing her. Yeah, that would be good.
"Harry?"
Momentarily distracted from his Plans of Doom for the Secretary from Hell, Harry looked up to see his best friend standing before him in Ministry issued Auror uniform robes. Her bushy brown hair falling over her shoulders in resplendent bushy glory.
"Hermione, I'm sorry I'm late, you see-"
"Ms. Granger, Harry Potter is here to see you." Patty helpfully added.
Harry snapped his mouth shut and turned to Patty, his expression promising urgent death.
She looked on unaware and continued to chew her gum. "He wanted to wait inside, but I told him you don't like that."
Hermione blinked at Patty and nodded. "You can let him wait inside in the future. Thanks Patty."
Patty nodded and looked back to Harry. "You can wait inside in the future, Mr. Potter."
At this point, Harry was certain flames would be coming out of his nostrils, but the effect of his Stare of Assured Doom was somewhat curtailed by the incessant itching all over his face.
"What happened to your face?" Hermione asked.
"Bones." Harry spat out and walked to Hermione's office.
He pushed the door open rather forcefully. He planted himself down in the one seat in front of her desk. Hermione's office was small, some would call it charming to be polite, but it was cramped to be accurate. There were files and papers all over the place, a few different robes and coats strewn helter skelter, and odd items, likely cursed, on the shelves and floor.
Hermione, for her part, was unbothered by the mess and easily made her way to her desk by jumping over said mess at strategic points. She picked up a fat legal textbook, a single red glove, magic restraining handcuffs and, oddly, a squeaky rubber chicken from her chair and looked around for a place to put them so she could sit down. Upon not finding any, she shrugged and threw them on the floor next to her chair and sat down.
That was an odd thing to find out about Hermione once they were out of the relative comforts of Hogwarts and its legion of cleanliness-obsessed House Elves, Hermione was a slob.
"Like I was saying, I'm sorry about this mo-"
"Would you like some tea, Ms. Granger?" Patty poked her head in from outside.
Harry paused and took a deep breath, counting backwards from ten as he let it out.
"Yes Patty, that would be nice."
"Hermione I-"
"Tea for you, Mr. Potter?"
He clenched his jaw. "I'm fine, thanks Patty. Hermio-"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure, Patty!" He yelled.
Patty looked unaffected, but Hermione was not.
"Harry, what is wrong with you? Patty is just doing her job." She sniffed. "Honestly, please apologise to her now."
Harry grit his teeth and turned back around. "I'm sorry, Patty, I'll be fine without tea."
Patty chewed her gum and gave him a blank stare. "Okay." She walked away.
Harry sighed in relief and turned to a Disapproving Hermione Granger. He squirmed in his seat as her annoyance quelled his (righteous) indignation at her Secretary from Hell.
"I don't know what it is with you and her. She's a great secretary," Hermione said.
"She's evil. You just don't see it." Harry insisted and noted quickly that he wasn't going to get far in this argument with Hermione who adored her evil Secretary from Hell. She was likely bewitched, but one problem at a time. Harry scratched his pimples, one of which had burst and was oozing pimple goo over his cheek.
Hermione winced at the sight of it and her expression became one of disgust. She pulled out her wand and cast a counter spell. Mercifully, the pimples receded.
Harry sighed in relief.
"Why didn't you just spell them away yourself?"
Harry shrugged. "I earned them."
She nodded sagely.
"Like I was saying, I'm sorry I'm…four hours late for our meeting, I know you're busy and all, it was that-"
"You're not late, Kreacher set your meeting with Patty for 2:30 today, you're early," she said with a raised eyebrow.
"Did he now?" Harry was nonplussed and then annoyed. That efficient fucker. "Huh."
"I'm glad you're here though, I need you to go see, Ron."
Harry sucked in a breath, ready to argue the point, but Hermione raised her hand to forestall his objection.
"I know you two are…going through something, but this is important." She paused and took a deep breath. She bent her head low and let her bangs hide her eyes for a second. She sniffled. Once. Twice. She looked back up at him with shinning eyes. "He-He-something is wrong with him, Harry. And I don't know how to help him. He needs you."
Harry leaned back in his seat. "Oh?"
Hermione nodded. "He threatened to-to call off the engagement." She hid her mouth in her hand and hunched over as her back spasmed with sobs.
Harry leaned forward and placed a comforting hand on her back and patted it ever-so-gently. "Hermione, I've known you for over ten years, you can drop the act now."
Her back immediately stopped shaking and she looked back at Harry with fire in her eyes. She had always been a terrible liar. She angrily swiped away her crocodile tears and grinned at Harry. "Drat, I really thought that would work."
Harry smiled back. "I'm not stupid; irresponsible, unreliable, and a bum, yes, but not stupid."
Hermione sat back in her ugly chair and the damsel-in-distress vanished and was replaced with the hawk-eyed Auror that had risen to Junior Auror Captain faster than any Auror in the Ministry's history. "Fine. Then let's try another tactic. You need to go see Ron with me this evening because he has lost his bleeding mind."
Harry leaned forward in his chair and crossed his arms. "He doesn't want to see me, Hermione, after what happened with Ginny, he-"
Hermione groaned. "It's always about bloody Ginny! He knows it's not your fault that Ginny's a lesbian. She had a long talk with him after your row and he understands that Ginny and Claire and Shaniqua are in love. Even Molly is coming around to appreciate having three daughters now that the three of them have married each other. He's just too big of a prat to make the first move to apologise to you."
"So should I apologise to him?"
Hermione threw her hands up in the air. "I don't know! Boys are bizarre! Go have a duel and knock each other's brains out or something, or talk about Quidditch and drink firewhisky together, whatever it is boys do when they have a fight. Sort. This. Out."
"That's really reductive, Hermione. Men have complicated emotional lives and for you to suggest that-"
"I brought your tea, Ms. Granger." Patty came tottering into Hermione's office.
Harry paused again and took a deep breath to calm himself.
She placed the tea in front of Hermione who thanked her for it. Patty nodded with a smile and turned to Harry. Her smile vanished. She slowly. Chewed. Her. Gum while making eye contact with Harry.
"Your pimples are gone," she said with her patented blank stare. "You look less ugly now." She left the office a moment after.
Harry growled.
"She's not wrong," Hermione said observing Harry's reaction as she swirled her tea with a conjured spoon and brought it to her lips. "Where were we?"
"Ron." Harry spat out though the spitting in this case was more directed at Patty if he was being honest with himself.
"Yes, my theatrics aside, there is something else going on with Ron," she said without making eye contact.
Harry looked away feigning disinterest. He sighed theatrically. "What else?"
"He's been spending a lot of time with Luna."
Harry snapped back to look at Hermione. "Hermione, you don't think-"
She regarded at him quizzically and then it clicked. She burst out laughing. "Ron…and Luna?" She continued to laugh. "Don't be silly." Her laughter subsided but she snorted once more. "He would never do that because he knows that I know far more spells than him including one to hex his balls off." She was dead serious.
Harry gulped. He didn't doubt she knew that spell. Hermione never made empty threats. "What's wrong with him spending time with Luna then?"
Hermione blinked slowly. "I love Luna like…well, not a sister, like a person who fought alongside me in an all-out civil war and a…friend…whom I love…in small doses-"
"She's back with the creatures again? I thought she stopped with those?"
Hermione's head slammed on her table. "It's worse, she's now a full blown, full-time…conspiracy theorist. She's convinced Ron that the Department of Mysteries is running this world as some sort of experiment which is going to end. But the experiment will glitch and our lives go on if we…break our set narratives."
Harry took a deep breath in. He exhaled. He was about to say something but his mouth remained open and no sound came out. He held up a finger as he thought of something to say. "Um…what?"
Hermione nodded quickly. "Yes, exactly. Ron has become a little excitable over it."
Harry hemmed and hawed. "You know Ron has always liked adventure and things have been a bit dull since we ended the war and we aren't on the run for our lives. Returning to normality can be hard after such stressful-"
"Don't you dare quote Dr. Shah back at me!" She snapped rather angrily. "If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even know about the concept of therapy." She took a breath and calmed herself. "My point is, we're going today at 6 to meet Ron and you're going to make nice, make him see sense, and tell him to come back to work."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"No. I. Am. Not."
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not!"
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I a-"
Hermione smiled like the vicious, manipulative monster that she was.
Harry sprang to his feet and pointed at Hermione, his temper flaring. "I said, no, Hermione! You can help that prat all you want but it's not my responsibility to look after him. When I say no, I mean-"
"Ms. Granger, your next appointment is here."
"GODAMMIT PATTY!"
#
At 6:15 that evening, Harry found himself muttering under his breath as Hermione cheerfully side-along apparated him to the entrance of her flat. She knocked on the door twice and then extricated her wand and tapped it carefully in three distinct spots to unlock it.
"Paranoid much?" Harry said snidely.
Hermione gave him the stink eye. "Can you blame me, man who lives under a Fidelius?"
Harry shrugged.
Hermione paused and looked at him crossly. "Don't tempt me to go to the middle of Diagon Alley and scream out your bloody address for all the fangirls and reporters to hear."
"I knew I shouldn't have made you my Secret Keeper." Harry muttered.
"But you did anyway," she said cheerfully. With a few final flourishes, the door to her flat clicked open and she walked through with Harry following her slowly and very reluctantly.
He stopped five steps into the living room as Hermione deposited her bag on the floor and called out to Ron and made her way further inwards. Harry blinked once. And then twice.
He remembered the flat the day Ron and Hermione moved in together (much to Molly's shockingly half-hearted quiet dismay and uncharacteristically perfunctory passive aggression. ((But it's funny how your standards of acceptance evolve when your daughter is in a loving polyamorous marriage with two other women, suddenly your son moving in with his girlfriend to live in sin isn't that scandalous. It's all about perspective.)) At that point in time, the flat was pristine. That was a long forgotten memory from three months ago.
Clothes, takeout boxes, more clothes, more takeout boxes, an impressive tower of pizza boxes, bits of paper and thread, scissors and all sorts of other stuff were thrown all over the place. You could not even see the floor anymore. Hermione's signature slobbery was on full display.
But none of that gave Harry pause. If anything, its absence would have shocked him more.
No, the part that slightly worried Harry and made him think that maybe, just maybe Hermione might have been downplaying Ron's 'condition' was the ten foot by five foot serial killer wall. There were photos, newspaper articles, both muggle and magical, post-it notes, papers with handwritten notes, all taped to the wall and interconnected with different coloured lines of threads to make a truly hair-raising image of madness. Most unnerving of all were the five letters, enlarged and charmed to light up in different colours, at the top of the serial killer wall that spelt out 'THINK'.
There was a movement to Harry's left and he jumped and squealed in a manly way. From a pile of takeout boxes emerged a little orange furball. Harry placed his hand on his heart and he nodded to the half-kneazle. "Hi Crookshanks, you gave me a fright there."
"Did he now?"
Harry jumped and squealed again in an even manlier way. To the right, covered in bits of newspaper and something sticky, sitting in his boxers and a ragged teeshirt and camouflaged with the rubbish all around was his best mate, Ron Weasley.
"What the fuck, Ron?" Harry said still trying to prevent the onset of a heart attack.
The two young wizards stared at each other and didn't say a word. Thankfully, Hermione walked back in the room and saw their standoff, bless her soul, she straight up ignored the tension.
"Oh good, there you are."
Ron nodded at her.
"How was your day?"
He grunted something.
"Good, good. Now look honey, Harry's here." She turned to Harry. "Harry. Say. Something."
Harry tilted his head. He turned back to Ron. "Hey."
Ron nodded at him and slowly got to his feet. His boxers were uncomfortably short and rolled up to a height that made both Harry and Hermione feel dirty for very different reasons.
"Hey," Ron said back.
The two stood in silence and stared at each other.
"Nice wall." Harry commented breezily raising his hand towards the serial killer wall.
Ron sniffed. "It's a compilation of the truth. You're just not ready to see it yet. THINK!"
"Ah." Harry nodded feeling like he was seeing a far too uncomfortable rendition of Mad-Eye Moody. (But also slightly jealous because Ron had an ALL CAPS catchphrase now and he wanted one too.)
The three best friends stood in more silence. Crookshanks caused a single piece of paper to fly off the floor and it turned in the air between the three defeaters of Voldemort like an urban tumbleweed.
"Harry has something to say to you," Hermione said at last.
"No, I don't." Harry retorted.
"Fine." She spat at him, her expression promising pain. "Ron, do you have something to say to Harry?"
Ron shrugged. He looked Harry dead in the eye. "This world will end too."
Harry leaned back a little off kilter at that pronouncement.
Ron sniffed again. "Other than that, nothing."
Both grown men stood facing each other with arms crossed. Hermione slapped a hand over her face. 'Boys', she muttered under her breath. Then inspiration struck her.
"Well, since we're not talking to each other and I have so much free time on my hands this evening, you know, because of the not talking, maybe I should make dinner?"
Both grown men snapped their heads in her direction and stared in horror.
Hermione threateningly took a slow step towards the flat's kitchenette - the only space in the whole flat that didn't resemble a pigsty. "Oh but I insist. I'm feeling creative tonight, I might even try to…make a whole chicken, from scratch, your mother gave me the loveliest spell."
She pulled out her wand, ready to cast…a home cooking spell and both Ron and Harry took a fearful and involuntary step back and away from her.
They looked at each other in unison and said in perfect harmony:
"I'm sorry."
Hermione smiled and put her wand away. "Oh, it's so lovely to see you two getting along again." She clapped her hands together. "I think this deserves something special. I'm going to go buy some pizza while the two of you talk."
She walked between both boys and to the main door of the flat, pausing briefly to pick up her bag from the floor. She turned back to smile at them. "I expect to see both of you talking through your issues using feeling words to clearly communicate your friction as you perceive it, just like Dr. Shah taught you to, or you know me, I might start…stress baking."
Both boys shuddered simultaneously and hastily nodded. She smiled once more and headed out of the flat. "Be back in a few." She said in a deceptively cheerful and upbeat voice.
The door closed behind her and both men once again looked at each other, but the apologies definitely broke the tension.
Yet they knew they had to talk because Hermione and cooking. Harry grew up in a difficult environment where he was nearly always dismissed as a person and not taught healthy ways to express himself since any kind of such expression was met with indifference and rebuke from his relatives.
Ron grew up in a loving home with far too many older and louder siblings and parents with too many problems to really pay him the attention he needed in order to have a mature and rich emotional upbringing.
Both of them knew this because Dr. Shah explained it to them and it felt easier to agree with him than argue, also because their allergies in Dr. Shah's office were making them cry uncontrollably, so disagreeing vigorously, which they obviously would have done, obviously, was a touch difficult…because of the allergies and no other reason, of course, obviously.
So trapped with each other and forced to…talk…the two men decided to follow a time honoured tradition that society had implemented to allow men to express their feelings without being anything less than 100% masculine in every way that mattered.
"Firewhiskey under the counter?" Harry asked.
"You know it." Ron answered.
Alcohol. Alcohol consumption is the one and only option available to men since time immemorial to allow them to talk about their feelings, with the appropriate amount of physical contact. This includes grunting, fist bumping, hand shaking, the occasional very masculine and manly one-arm side hug (to be used sparingly and ideally only at the time of resolution acquisition) and of course, the staring-into-the-distance-at-a-point-so-you-don't-have-to-make-eye-contact-as-a-single-manly-man-tear-falls-exquisitely-from-one-eye-and-is-hastily-and-somewhat-angrily-wiped-away-before-a-loud-and-very-obvious-to-everyone-who-knows-them-pronouncement-is-made.
When Hermione shakily wobbled back into her flat after taking two hours to find just the right kind of pizza, she was pleased to see the most important men in her life well and truly pissed with burnt paper and cardboard boxes strewn around them (because of the special effect of fire coming out of one's nostrils and ears when consuming firewhiskey). She knew her decision to take a detour to a local pub for a cheeky glass (or six) of cheap wine was a good idea and a good deal to boot.
"…Obviously we knew" hiccup "about Ginny. We all knewwwww. Why do you think Mum didn't allow her to see Luna anymore when she was six and shoved those Harry Potter" sip "Harry Potter adventure books at her? It certainly wasn't for the high quality literature!" nostril fire, hiccup
Harry nodded sagely and briefly fell asleep as his chin hit his chest.
"I figured it out too…" He mumbled. Snoring.
Ron snapped his fingers in front of Harry's face and when that didn't work, he slapped Harry.
Harry woke up with a start. He blinked a few times and yawned. "I knewwww tooo. I mean, all she ever wanted to do was have threesomes with my fangirls. And then she…" Yawn. "…And then she joined the Harpies and it was all, practice, practice, practice. Away games. More 'practice with Captain Claire' and 'Shaniqua is helping me with my swing tonight, I'll be back late'…"
"Mate, threesomes?" Ron smiled widely and held out his fist for a bump.
Harry grinned back and awkwardly tried to fist bump Ron. He missed. Both boys giggled.
Then Ron abruptly stopped and got pensive. "That's my sister you're talking about. You made her have threesomes with your fangirls? Fuck you man."
Harry straightened up and said calmly. "Yeah, your sister…" yawn "…the same one who dumped your best mate when he was down on one knee proposing with your whole family watching." A single manly man tear escaped Harry's right eye (because of allergies) and he looked into the distance at a fixed point. "I really needed my best mate in that moment." He sniffed (also because of allergies).
Ron looked away as he didn't want to make his best mate feel uncomfortable and also because the same allergies were affecting him and causing not one but two single manly man tears to fall from his eyes as he stared at a fixed point on the serial killer wall. "I thought she needed me more and also because…" hiccup "…because brotherly duties forced me, you know?"
Harry shook his head slowly as a few more allergy-induced single manly man tears fell from his eyes. "No, I don't know because I don't have brothers because my parents died before they could give me brothers." Yawn "But I thought you were my brother and you didn't…you didn't…" Snoring.
Ron slapped Harry one more time and Harry sat up straight. "Whazzat?"
"You were saying how I didn't support you" hiccup "as a brother…" Ron helpfully supplied.
"Right." Harry nodded and returned to his allergy-induced single manly man tearful state but coupled with an adam's apple's manly wobble and lower lip's manly tremble this time. "I needed my brother in that moment and you…you…"
"I'm sorry, Harry!"
"I'm sorry, Ron!"
Both men shakily stood up and gave each other manly one-arm side hugs using both of their arms and with a considerable amount of chest touching (that made Hermione feel tingly for reasons she would never express (but made her also think (deep in the back of her mind where she never ventures without a considerable amount of alcohol and possibly hallucinogenics) that maybe Ginny had a point with the whole polyamorous thing)).
Hermione would simply call it a hug, but she isn't a man, so she couldn't understand. In her drunken state, she did rush in and join in on the manly one-arm side hug and found it difficult to insert herself and was promptly pushed out of the man sandwich since both men were loudly expelling multiple single manly man tears (because of allergies) and completely disinterested in her involvement in this very masculine and testosterone-fuelled moment.
Eventually the man sandwich came apart and both men returned to their seats with Hermione occupying the third chair opposite Ron and blocking his view of the serial killer wall (which made him resent her a little bit (but not enough to say anything about it (because Ron had learnt to pick his battles))).
"I'm glad you two have worked through your issues," she said as her strong men sniffled due to their allergies and not at all because of their deep feelings of love and brotherhood. "Now Ronnie, we need to talk about something else."
Ron leaned forward with a dopey grin. "What is it snookums?"
Harry puked a little bit inside his mouth and swallowed it back down because he wasn't certain he could find the trashcan in time and also because he wasn't entirely certain if the whole flat wasn't a trashcan and he didn't want to be rude by implying it was by projectile vomiting all over the trashy floor since something important was most definitely tossed somewhere on the floor amidst the actual trash.
Hermione giggled. "When are you going back to work, pooky?"
Ron's grin subsided. "You know I can't, pumpkin, because…" hiccup "…because our jobs are pointless and this world needs disruption or-"
"Or it will end, I know." Hermione sighed for the umpteenth time and leaned back in her chair. She sat back up and stared at Harry. "Harry, say something."
Harry had fallen asleep with his chin on his chest again.
Hermione snapped her fingers in front of Harry's face again and was frustrated when he didn't even register it.
"Let me, sunshine," Ron said and proceeded to slap Harry awake.
"Thanks, sugar plum," she said and giggled. In a much snappier tone, she said, "Harry, tell him he needs to go back to work."
"You need to…you need to…go back…go back to…" Snoring. Slap. "What? Go to work, Ron."
"Okay, okay, baby," hiccup, "how about I go to…" He paused and raised a finger waiting for a hiccup which didn't seem to come. "I think they're gone." He said with a smile. "I think we should go to the Department of Mysteries and I can prove this is alllllll just one big nothing and we are racing to the endgame. Huh?"
Hermione looked at him calculatingly, or maybe she was gassy. Red wine makes her gassy. "If nothing, then you go back to work Snuggy."
"Okay, Twinkle Eyes." Ron agreed.
"And no more play dates with Luna!" She added on.
Harry jerked awake at the loud sound. "Luna? Is Luna here? She's so much fun." Snoring.
Ron nodded.
#
The three defeaters of Voldemort responsibly used the floo to get to the Ministry of Magic in the dead of night. At this time, there was nobody at the Ministry except hard working interns and half-asleep watch-wizards. Even if the watch-wizard who had been woken up from his amazing nap was asked to check in two clearly inebriated wizards and one witch, these were the defeaters of Voldemort damnit, and if they were showing up to the Ministry pissed beyond belief, then it was for important Ministry business and nothing else, thank you very much.
The trio had decided to take some hangover cure potion before trotting over to the Ministry, but just enough to keep the buzz alive. They all knew that Hermione's brilliance in Potions would eventually come in handy and it did.
"Department of Mysteries, Level 9," said the cool, crisp voice of the Ministry lift.
"I hate you." Hermione grumbled.
"Me? Why would you hate me, flower princess?" Ron asked clearly wounded.
"Not you, tender buns, this bitch," she said pointing to the top of the lift. "Always using that deep husky voice to remind me that I don't have a deep, husky voice and trying to make me feel inferior. Women should support other women. Bitch."
As the three of them walked out of the lifts to surreptitiously infiltrate the most secretive department in the Ministry of Magic (for the second time). They marvelled once again at the appallingly lax security.
Since this was Ron's mission, he led them through the surprisingly simple design of the offices of the deserted Department of Mysteries and into a back room where previously the squid-brain monsters and time turners were kept.
As they entered the room, they heard a soft whistling sound emanating from within. Ron made a shushing sound and indicated the other two should follow him. They gave him the thumbs up and carefully and slowly manoeuvred behind him.
Right near the squid-brain monster tanks, a man in a stereotypically dark cloak was jauntily whistling a tune while making some notes in a book and waving his wand to watch moving pictures that arose like a hologram from a round crystal ball. He had his hood off, which no self-respecting Unspeakable would ever be caught dead doing. He looked surprisingly young with his clean shaven face, baby fat and bowl cut, to be an Unspeakable, but then again, nobody knew how old you had to be to be an Unspeakable, so maybe he was the appropriate age for one? Or maybe he was an Unspeakable intern? It was late and who else would be working right now if not an intern?
Hermione quickly disillusioned herself and the boys followed suit. They then silenced their legs and feet to cut out all sound. Slowly, the trio came to stand right behind the Unspeakable as he ate a pastrami sandwich and reviewed the materials of the moving images before him.
The trio's eyes widened as they saw upon closer inspection that it was an image of Hermione working at her desk, issuing instructions and occasionally, when alone in her office, suggestively petting her rubber chicken while moaning out 'Ronnie'.
The boys looked at Hermione, Ron in nervous awe and Harry with pure disgust. Hermione leapt on the Unspeakable and tossed his crystal ball away.
"You pervert!" She yelled and pushed the Unspeakable's chair back.
Shocked and caught completely off guard by an invisible and very shrill assailant, the Unspeakable freaked out and jumped up from his seat only to lose his balance and land painfully on his arse.
Ron undid his disillusionment and stood over the Unspeakable with his fist clenched. Harry and Hermione followed suit. But before either of the boys could get to him, Hermione jumped on the young man's prone body and rained down fists and blows on him while yelling at him for being a pervert. In truth, Harry and Ron felt somewhat impotent as they watched Hermione's unmitigated fury being unfurled and eventually Harry decided, she had made her point.
"Hermione, I think…Hermione, okay, that's enough." Harry leaned down to try to pry her off the mewling man.
Ron stopped him, he looked on at his fiancé beating the crap out of an Unspeakable who was wailing and begging for mercy, utterly entranced. "Let her…let her go on for a bit more." He licked his bottom lip. "This is working for me."
"You raging sex maniac!" Hermione yelled and whacked the Unspeakable upside the head and proper knocked him out. He had long since stopped moaning piteously by that point.
Harry uncertainly helped Hermione up from the ground as she panted. Ron had a disturbingly wide smile on his face as he looked at Hermione heave deep breaths post-annihilation of the pervert. He stepped forward and grabbed his fiancé. She looked at him askance and then melted at the expression on his face. They began to snog, with a lot of tongue.
Harry moved around them and levitated the unconscious man back into his chair. With a loud incarcerous, he had the Unspeakable bound tight and tried to do everything in his power to avoid thinking about his best mates dry humping each other literally behind his back in that moment.
"Guys," he said with his back turned. "Guys!"
They stopped and shuffled to either side of him sheepishly.
"I just want you to know that that was gross and traumatising and you will foot the bill for my much-needed session with Dr. Shah after all this is done."
Neither of them disagreed which Harry happily took as sufficient acquiescence of his demand.
"Wake up the pervert," Ron said.
Hermione growled.
"Ennervate," Harry intoned.
The Unspeakable gasped and came to wakefulness with an unnecessarily breathy inhalation of air. He looked forward and saw Hermione growling at him. There was a beat. Then the man began to wail like a first-time parent who had accidentally dropped their newborn on the ground, head first.
"Shut it!" Harry yelled through the cacophony of his overly dramatic wails. It made no difference.
Hermione clenched her hand around her wand and fired off a cheering charm, that had some effect. He seemed tearfully sombre now.
Ron decided that this was his moment. "What's your name?"
"Oh my God! Please don't hurt me. I only started this gig last year. I am so not ready for this. I knew it was too much too soon, I just-I just wanted to make my Dad proud and convince him I wasn't a piece of shit. Please don't kill me." He started to cry and they were back to the wailing.
Hermione stepped forward. She slapped the leaking man and shut him up. "Stop that. My fiancé asked you a question. Answer it."
The Unspeakable looked at Hermione with genuine fear and Ron moaned in what he thought was a quiet voice under his breath. But not quiet enough as Harry felt deeply uncomfortable and forced to mentally run through the exercises that Dr. Shah taught him to deal with the triggers for his trauma.
When the Unspeakable got his sniffling under control, he turned to Ron. "What was your question again?" He asked in a very hoarse voice. Natural, if you consider how much he had been cried in the past half an hour.
"Er…" Ron scratched the back of his head. "What's your name?"
"Oh, um, see, I'm not allowed to disclose that information, so-"
Hermione took a threatening step forward and the Unspeakable's eyes widened comically.
"Mallory. I am totally Mallory," he said quickly.
"Eh? Also, why are you American?" Ron ploughed on.
"Oh well, you see…" A notable sheen of sweat began to fall from Mallory's unfortunately receding hairline onto his face. It was not a pretty sight. "So, yeah, you're totally right, I am an American, guil-ty. But, there is a totally logical explanation for this. So The US guys-"
"MACUSA," said Hermione.
Mallory snapped his finger at her. "Right, MACUSA sent me over to help you Brits out with the squishy float-y brain thingies." He indicated with his eyes to the tank of squid-brains behind the trio.
"Really?" Hermione asked with a sneer.
Her sneer disturbingly reminded Ron of Draco Malfoy, which made him feel worried and ashamed for his continued attraction to Hermione in that moment.
"What are their official names?" Hermione asked, her hands crossed over her chest.
"They what now?" Mallory asked, unwilling to make eye contact.
"The official names of the 'squishy float-y brains', of which you are the appointed expert from abroad."
"Their names? Well, yeah, of course I know their names. It's um- called Zytiga."
Ron and Harry turned to Hermione who raised one elegant eyebrow. "Is that so?" She asked with the 'so' in that question getting sarcastically high pitched. "Then why do we call them, Premarens?"
"Ha, yeah, common mistake that. You call them Premarens, we call them Zytiga, Zytigae for plural, it's the whole football versus soccer thing, you get me?" He laughed.
"Funny you should say that, since I just made up that name on the fly." Hermione bounced it back.
Harry and Ron let out loud 'ooooohhhhhhhs' and the Unspeakable looked like a gormless fish out of water.
Hermione leaned forward grabbed Mallory's chin in her tiny, dainty hand and pulled him forward. "My fiancé wants an explanation and frankly so do I-"
"Me too," Harry said, raising his hand in the air and waving it slightly.
"Quiet Harry, it's getting good now. You go get him, Sugar!" Ron whooped.
"I will, Peaches." Hermione smiled brightly and with her free hand she kissed her index and middle fingers and blew Ron a kiss with a whispered, 'I love you', which he caught and kissed in his palm and sent back to Hermione. She blushed when she caught it back.
Then she turned back to Mallory and morphed into her previous, terrifying self. "Now, Mallory, how about some answers. Honest ones."
"So, okay, I am American and I am so not working on the Zytigae, I mean I don't even know what they are and can you imagine being stuck working on those things for like ever? Ew. Gross nation central, amirite?" He was really sweating with Hermione so close to his face. "So, I'm actually like the interim head of the Hall of Prophecies. You know room with the glowy crystal balls that foretell of great doom, oooooohhhhh. And I had your image in that ball that you saw because-"
Hermione slapped him. "Stop. Lying. To. Me. MALLORY." She let go of his face and took a step back to take a deep breath. She turned to her two boys. "I'm going to end up killing him, it's going to happen."
Harry walked up to his best mate whom he was truthfully somewhat terrified of and laid a placating hand on her shoulder. "Hermione, we're the good guys. We don't kill people." Mallory breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing that. "But seriously maiming them with some light torture is a-okay in my books, especially because with magical healing, they should make a full recovery." Mallory's hyperventilation started back up again.
Ron stepped up in front of Mallory and binged Mallory's forehead with his thumb and middle finger, drawing his attention. "Listen Mal, can I call you Mal? Mallory is well, it's embarrassing to call a bloke that."
Mallory nodded. He knew his name was embarrassing.
"Mal, mate, I'm on your side here. I don't want to see my fiancé go to Azkaban for killing or torturing or permanently maiming and/or disfiguring you, as enjoyable as it would be for me to watch her do that to you. But you see, she loves me, and we have this bet going. If I'm wrong, I have to go back to work in the Auror office, which is right awful shit." He squeezed the back of Mal's head and pulled him forward so they were eye to eye and uncomfortably close. "So I'm going to ask you one more question: What is Project Equinox?"
Mallory gasped, if his hands weren't tied up real right, he would have clutched his pearls. "How-how did you hear about that?"
Harry and Hermione were intrigued by this development and Ron stared at Mal with a look of pure vindication. "A batshit crazy witch whispered in my ear, but she needs a source to confirm the story. So, time to sing canary. THINK!"
Mallory jumped at the last word being shouted at him and he looked like he was about to cry. His lower lip trembled in a very unmanly way and the beginnings of multiple unmanly man tears were gathering in the tips of his eyes. He also looked just about ready to soil himself. "This shouldn't be happening. You should not be this self aware."
"Ron, let me take it from here," Harry said.
Ron turned back confused. "Wah?"
Harry nodded confidently and took Ron's place. "Hi Mal, I know you've been through a lot tonight. I mean here you were enjoying your sandwich, and then lo behold, the defeaters of Voldemort show up beating you up, threatening you with horrific physical violence, asking you about secret 'Unspeakable' business, I'm sure it must be a lot." He patted Mallory's shoulder and nodded and for once, Mallory looked relieved. "So you've had bad cop, that was Ron and you've had murderous cop, that was Hermione, there's a reason she's climbed up the ranks so fast, you know, we call her the Death Eater cracker-"
"Oh Harry, stop!" Hermione blushed.
"Now it's time for good cop. I won't hurt you, I won't beat you or cut your genitals off."
"Who said anything anything about cutting my genitals o-"
"I'm going to make you talk though, do you know why?"
Mallory shook his head in the negative.
"Because of this." Harry produced a small vial from his pocket of crystal clear liquid and shook it menacingly in Mallory's face.
"Harry, if you had veritaserum all along, why did you make us go through all of that?" Hermione asked.
Harry shrugged. "This is the last vial I swiped from the Department that I still have left. I didn't want to waste it on Ron's and Luna's conspiracy theory unless there was reason to, glad I had it on me tonight, because there's now a reason for sure."
"Harry, let's talk about this," Mallory said sweat dripping from his forehead. "You're a reasonable guy, I'm a reasonable guy, I can tell you some stuff, just not all of it. Some of it is just not meant for your ears. You see-"
"Open wiiiiiiiiiide."
Three drops is the maximum for a single day dosage lest you kill the recipient. An ocean of whiteness. Compelled to tell the truth for exactly ten minutes.
The interrogation begins.
#
"What is Project Equinox?"
"On Earth Prime, the main directive is to accelerate the enhancement of human development as quickly and efficiently as possible. We therefore test a variety of thought experiments and case scenarios in specifically crafted self-contained universes, such as this one, to learn more about human behaviour and ability before deciding whether or not it should be implemented among Earth Prime humans. There are currently 57,614 such 'pocket universes' in activation where individual experiments are being run. This entire experiment is called Project Equinox."
"When will our experiment end?"
"On September 1st, 2016."
"What happens after it ends?"
"This universe is deactivated."
"What constitutes deactivation?"
"All so-called life on this planet is completely terminated. Sometimes, if an engineer is creative, he may create an Armageddon Event or natural disaster to end all life here."
"Are you our engineer?"
"Yes, I came onboard as engineer of Experiment #1493 three months ago because your previous engineer was found to have some decidedly odd ideas about good and evil and his stringent application of those principles meant this experiment was being limited. We needed more shades of grey, so Experiment #1493 was reallocated to me."
"How did Ron figure out what was going on?"
"He shouldn't have been able to. None of you should be self-aware. This is unprecedented and I have never seen something like this in my entire career."
"How long have your been working in this role?"
"Including this gig?"
"Should he able to ask us questions back?"
"Yes, if the veritaserum is wearing off. We're nearly at the end of our time here. Yes, including your time in this role. How long has your career been?"
"Three months."
#
Mallory slowly came back to himself and immediately closed his eyes in fear. They. Knew. Everything. He had to get word to HQ, this experiment was over.
"He's going to tattle on us," Harry said.
Mallory opened his eyes and found Harry was pointing his wand at him and it had a faint blue shimmer at the tip. Mallory gasped in horror. "You mind read me?" Tears formed in Mallory's eyes. "That is like…rape. You…you mind-raped me."
Hermione walked up to Mallory and slapped him. "Fuck you. That is not rape you engineer noob. He read your surface thoughts because that's all he can do with his legilimency because despite his best efforts, he sucks at it."
"Thanks Hermione," Harry said with a creased brow.
Ron shushed him.
"We're just ants in a glass case to you, aren't we Mr. Baby Engineer?" She said menacingly, walking back and forth, her hair growing bushier as the revelations rocked her.
Ron moved forward and enveloped her in a hug. She was unravelling. "Harry, hold her for a minute."
Always capable of shutting down emotionally in a crisis, Harry knew from Dr. Shah that the pain and emotional burden of this experience would show itself unexpectedly at a later date, and he had to do his best to ensure his response was not uncontrolled anger, as it had been in the past. He supported his mates and grabbed Hermione in a hug as she cried for the lie that was their existence.
Ron turned back to Mallory. "I've had a few weeks to deal with this. I've had my breakdown already. Everything went to shit since three months ago. Ginny left Harry, Harry left the Auror Corps and fucked Sue Bones and gave her gonorrhoea. I turned into a conspiracy theorist. What did you do?"
Mallory shook in Ron's arms. "I'm sorry, I was just trying to add some shades of grey. A little bit of pizzazz to these perfect personalities. I mean Ginny was always gay. I just wanted her to have the courage to live her truth yas queen. So I threw her a bone. I thought Harry would be heartbroken for a while and he deserved happiness and frankly anybody who has followed this story from the beginning knows that Harry and Hermione were meant to be together forever."
Ron pushed Mallory backwards and backed away, his hands over his mouth in horror.
"So I thought to myself," Mallory went on, "I thought to myself Mallory, you have a chance here to right the most obvious, most despicable wrongs of your predecessor. But I had to clear the board, you see? I had to give both Harry and Hermione a clean break from all the…all the Weasley baggage. So I gave Ginny a beautiful sex-filled happy ending and you Ron, I got you closer to Luna Lovegood. She would whisper mad theories to you day in and day out and you…you would find them charming, nay endearing, over time. Her flights of fancy would be whimsical to you and you would have a great and slightly terrifying sex life with always just a hint of beastiaity. But you pushed through the narratives set for you. Every other time that Luna Lovegood had shared her ideas you had laughed them off, since the beginning, why did you believe her about Project Equinox? I only gave her that as a laugh, to make the narrative spicier, add a touch of narrative irony."
Ron clenched his jaw. "I am Ron Weasley, you sick fuck. I'm not the smartest and not the bravest and I don't have a lot of common sense, but I have this." He pointed to his stomach.
Mallory rolled his eyes. "Yes, we know, you can eat a lot."
Without losing a bit of steam, Ron ploughed on. "I can eat legendary amounts of food in any given sitting, but the weight is catching up to me now so I am working on portion control, I have my wedding coming up you fat-shaming demon, but that's not the point. I have my gut. I know when the universe speaks truth in my bones and my gut is trained to tell me the truth amidst all the lies. When Luna whispered the truth to me amid all her usual nonsense, I knew it was the truth, I knew it in my gut. So thank you for your overconfidence and for underestimating me, people always do and it comes to bite them in the arse. But know one thing more than anything else, Mal, nothing will ever make me stop loving Hermione Jean Granger, nothing in this fucking universe or any other, you get that in your head?"
Hermione leapt into Ron's arms and furiously started snogging him. "When we figure our way out of this mess," she said with heaving breaths and between french kisses, "I am going to fuck your brains out from this universe to the next…Daddy."
Ron growled and the two of them collapsed on the floor and began to furiously paw at each other.
Harry stood next to Mallory and the two of them watched Ron and Hermione unsuccessfully try to prevent themselves from going at it.
"They're going to have sex right here right now, aren't they?" Mallory asked casually.
"Yes, they are." Harry said with a tight smile. "What say you and I continue this little chat elsewhere and give them a little privacy, eh?"
"Oh god, my eyes!" Mallory yelled, turning his head away.
Harry levitated Mallory on his chair out of the room and talked to him along the way, as mentally Harry went to his happy place because Ron and Hermione were not furiously rutting behind him regardless of what reality seemed to say.
"..And you genuinely thought those two didn't deserve each other? Merlin's balls man, she would eat me alive."
"So-o-o-rry," Mallory said, now openly crying in a most unmanly way.
#
Eventually, once Ron and Hermione had had their fill of each other, for now, they made their way into the Veil Room, which the room adjacent to the one where they had captured and discovered Mallory.
They entered the Veil Room to find Harry sitting opposite a still bound Mallory and having a raucous conversation with him. He had clearly won him over.
Harry's eyes lit up upon seeing his best mates enter looking freshly sexed and completely sober.
"Hello you two, Mal and I have been having the most fascinating conversation."
Ron and Hermione sheepishly made their way over and sat down next to Harry on the steps leading up to the Veil and opposite Mal, still bound in his chair.
"So," Harry said, "there might be a way to save our universe from assured destruction now that Mal is on our side. Why don't you take it from here mate?"
"Oh Harry, you charmer you," Mal said and blushed. "Right so, the only way to save yourself is to break off from the collective of universes in Project Equinox and, for lack of an elegant explanation, ensure that your pocket universe simply gets lost in the paperwork."
Hermione quirked an eyebrow. "The solution to the apocalypse is…committing accounting fraud?"
Mal threw his head and rolled his eyes. "Don't be so inelegant about it Hermione. But yes, it is. We have to find the Lead Engineer's office, that's Bob, really nice guy by the way, he interviewed me for this gig. So we kind of have to run through a few of the different universes that Bob is running to see where he keeps his office and then…do the deed."
"And how do we know which ones are Bob's experiments?" Ron asked.
"Mal kindly looked those up and gave them to me," Harry said waving a piece of parchment in the air. "He also explained that each universe has an item for inter-dimensional travel that we have to find to move on to the next universe incase the one we crash land in doesn't have Bob's official office. He's given me a list of those too." Harry waved a second parchment. "The gate for our universe is right there." Harry pointed to the Veil.
Hermione and Ron turned and stared at the Veil and then turned back to stare at Mallory.
"Uh-huh," said Ron.
"Sure, Harry. Say Mal, how do I turn the Veil on?" Hermione asked sweetly.
Mal nodded. "Of course, just stand in front of it and think really hard about the number of the experiment you want to hop to and voila." He smiled.
Hermione smiled back. "Great, Harry, which is the first universe we're jumping to?"
Harry consulted his parchment. "No. 16899."
Hermione nodded. She pulled out her wand and pointed it at Mal. "And now we found out if you've been telling us the truth, Mal." She levitated his chair and pointed him at the Veil. "Think real hard on that number."
Mal looked horrified as his chair rose. "What are you-What are you doing, Hermione?"
"Safe travels," Harry said while waving. "Remember 16899."
"THINK," Ron said seriously while tapping the side of his head.
"I thought we were friends noooooooooooooooooooow…" Mallory's voice echoed across the Viel Room as his bound body disappeared through the Veil and was no more.
"Huh," Harry said. "I figured it would be more dramatic. Not sure why."
Hermione shrugged. "Shall we?"
Her boys nodded. They linked arms, Harry to the left, Ron to the right and Hermione in the middle - exactly how she liked her man sandwich.
The three best mates ran into the Veil desperately thinking about the number 16899.
There was a flash, a whizz, the sound of gears moving and oddly, someone belching.
Hermione was the first to open her eyes and her vision was filled with…an image of Mal lying side over, still tied to his chair and glaring at her.
"Took you guys long enough, I told you I was telling the truth. Can you please undo their restraints now?" He whined.
Hermione nodded and looked up with open-mouthed shock and awe. "Boys, Boys, wake up."
Harry and Ron stirred next to her and stared in admiration too.
"What is this place?" Ron asked in wonder.
"I'm not sure Ron, but let's find out, shall we?" Harry said, a large smile splitting his face.
End of Chapter 1
AN: Any constructive comments, particularly on the quality of the writing and the humour would be hugely appreciated. If you've made it so far, thank you for giving my story a chance.
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