"What the fuck took you so long, asshole?" is how Erwin is greeted by his closest friend when he meets him outside the locker room's door.
"Hello to you, too, Levi," Erwin holds the door open for him. "Sorry to keep you waiting. I was speaking to Mrs. Fischer about our next competition, and then she went into a rant about one of her classes. You know how she is."
"I really don't understand how her husband has dealt with her for so long. Poor guy must be locked in a cage or some shit."
Erwin can't help but laugh at the joke, mostly because he knows that Levi was being serious, and partially because he somewhat agrees.
Mike greets them after they pass the first row of lockers. He keeps Levi occupied for a bit while Erwin casually scans the surrounding areas. His gaze makes contact with Jaeger's, and the younger boy's face quickly turns from a small scowl to a poor attempt at neutral as he looks away. A slight smile forms on Erwin's lips. He doesn't even really have to try and go through with this plan, does he? Eren already despises him enough on his own.
Oh, but the manipulation has been so much fun so far.
And Erwin is just barely getting started with it.
The plan he and Armin constructed is actually quite simple. Erwin is going to continue acting with Levi the way he usually does, but a little more touchy and flirty when Eren is around. Levi has and will likely continue to raise questions, as expected, but he never complains about it, which is an indication that he doesn't mind. Most of his tactics have been physical so far; he has yet to find the time to verbally flirt with Levi, but he's sure the opportunity will soon arise. What Erwin finds most interesting about this is the fact that Levi loves being vocally flirted with, especially if it's by a friend and he's under the impression it's being done in a joking manner, and he'll flirt back with suave and ease. If Eren were to overhear something like this happening...
Armin's responsibility is merely to keep Eren in check - to make that sure he is aware that Erwin is Levi's "boyfriend" and that his rage doesn't overpower him and he doesn't hurt anyone.
Once Eren inevitably reaches his breaking point, he'll confess his feelings to Levi and they'll both find out how dumb they are.
(Levi will of course then realize that Erwin was fucking with him and will get extremely outraged, but he'll get over it eventually. He never stays mad at Erwin for too long.)
"Yo," fingers snap once in front of his face and draw his attention to the short male before him. "Earth to Erwin. What's got you all spaced out like that?"
"I'm just thinking."
"About?"
"How fantastic you'd look dressed as a fairy princess."
Levi laughs - genuinely, uncharacteristically so, with a wide smile and creased skin around his eyes. "What the hell? Be serious, would you?"
Erwin feels Jaeger's already annoyed stare become even angrier. Such a reaction over Erwin making Levi laugh? He can't deny that Levi laughing is an incredibly rare occurrence, but glaring daggers at him seems rather excessive.
Ah, this is exciting.
He simply can't wait to see how much pushing it'll take for Eren to finally fall over the edge.
Holding up his side of the plan perfectly thus far, Armin sits in the bleachers as the team practices. Eren doesn't act up any more than usual; he sticks to his usual antics of getting into petty heated arguments with Jean. Erwin wonders how much of this is due to Armin's influence, if any at all.
As much as he'd love to take a risk, he doesn't quite find it safe enough to attempt anything too grand in private just yet. Restraining himself from rapidly dropping every bomb in a quick yet organized succession is going to prove to be difficult, but it is absolutely necessary and will undoubtedly be worth it in the end.
Getting it over with too quickly would ruin all of Erwin's fun.
So he chooses to take his time with everything.
This includes changing. Erwin usually finishes rather quickly, but he decides to shower today despite not liking to do so in public. Jaegar always takes a long while to finish changing, opting to chat with his friends before, during, and after the process.
He intends on leaving at the same time as him. His window of opportunity is likely going to be small, but he can pull whatever stunt he wants to - within reason - with Armin there to snuff the flame on the string before the dynamite that is Eren Jaeger can explode.
He's planned his time perfectly, of course. Erwin opens the door for Eren on their way out. His junior avoids his gaze and grumbles a half-assed "Thanks."
"Hey," Levi greets him with his usual cold stare. "Why the fuck did you take even longer than usual, you shitty fuck?"
How kind of Levi to do Erwin's work for him.
"I don't remember being a shitty fuck. If memory serves, you kept begging me for more."
Although, this topic is significantly more intense than Erwin would have liked.
Levi goes rigid. Out of the corner of his eye, Erwin sees Eren and Armin gape at them.
Yes, this is in fact far more intense an exchange than he wanted.
Goodness, what an awkward situation they've gotten themselves into here.
Perhaps he should have kept his mouth shut.
Oh well.
"You.." Levi glares at him again, his eyes full of legitimate anger this time, and he kicks him in the shin. Repeatedly. "What the fuck is wrong with you? Huh? You got a fuckin' death wish? Why the hell would you say something like that?"
Erwin catches the fist Levi directs towards his face. "You're the one who brought it up. Now come, let's get going. I'd like to review our project once more before submitting it tomorrow."
Levi continues to glare at Erwin as he allows him to lead him away.
He doesn't need to look at Jaeger to feel the frustration he radiates. It's good the kid's choosing not to give up on his crush despite what he thinks Levi's relationship status is. This plan is far too enjoyable to abandon.
Plus Erwin would rather not be the cause of Levi's heartbreak.
"You really had to fucking say that, huh? Right in front of them, too. Bastard."
Erwin looks over from his laptop to find Levi furiously scrubbing at a nonexistent mess on his countertop. The marbled surface is so shiny it's almost blinding.
"What's the problem? Now Eren knows for sure that you like men."
Frustrated grey eyes glare in his direction. The crease between Levi's brows slowly disappears. The rest of the emotion on his face melts away with it. Seems like he can't be bothered to argue.
"You're insufferable." he says as he gets back to his entirely unnecessary task.
"Thank you."
Author's Note: You have full permission to hate me for taking so long to get this updated. Unfortunately, this is what happens when I publish as I write. I tend to lose interest easily and choose to work on other things during a burn-out, which of course results in neglect. And in cases like this, where I don't have anything pre-written, updates don't happen until my interest comes back. As I'm sure you can guess, it's currently back! I'm going to do my best to try and get this finished up while my mojo for this story is still here. I can't guarantee consistency, but I'm hoping it won't take three years for another update again. I'm very sorry for the long wait. Thank you so much for sticking with me, and I hope you'll continue to enjoy this ridiculousness!