As he stirs I can see the child in his eyes, the boy he once was, that boy I met on the train so many years ago, before he even had a clue of his destiny. His brilliant green eyes gaze up at me as I stare in wonder at the man before me. Groggily he reaches out an arm, flinging it across my stomach as he pulls his body closer to mine, resting his head on my bare skin as he opens his eyes again. His bright smile hides the pain I know he still feels inside – the pain that is dissipating day by day until it will, eventually become just a dull ache, that constant reminder. I feel it too, those we loved, those we lost, those we'd never forget. Turning to the side table, I see the picture of us, how we were the day of graduation. Ron, Harry and me, surrounded by the Weasleys, my parents, Tonks and Remus, all so happy, so proud, before we knew what would come of us.
The war broke us all. It didn't hit home until we lost Ginny. Harry never stopped blaming himself, and I think to a certain extent neither did Ron. She should never have been there in the first place, following a hunch she had, on her own. I think that hurt more than the others. My little sister in all but blood, my best friend in the order. We had spent so many hours researching and brainstorming together that many had started refering to us as one entity, I was inconsolable for days, Ron tried, and failed many times to comfort me. It wasn't until Harry walked into my room, our room, the room still covered in her pictures, her clothes still piled on the floor, and just sat with me while I cried that I felt even a fraction better. I could never blame Ron, he should have been focusing on his own grief instead of trying to fix mine. That night, in our room, I saw Harry for what he really was, a lost boy who had just had his first true love taken from him. We held each other that night, in the dark, and many more after.
We spoke about anything and everything that came to mind. Our hopes, fears, aspirations and dreams for after the war. Never once did we vocalise that one major point, that problem of survival. It was never an issue, we both believed the other would survive, and we would still be there for each other. During this time Ron kept to himself, not wanting comfort. We were still there for him, still there when it all got too much and he eventually broke. Ultimately he found solace in the most unusual of places. Apparently Draco pulled him back from a dark place, a place full of hatred and despair, showed him that love still existed. They are still together now, happy in their own world, hiding from all but those closest to them, just like us.
I never saw it happening but spending everyday in and out with Harry, I started to notice more and more about him. His strong arms, his fuller chest cover with light hair. He had become a man in front of me and I hadn't even noticed. His actions towards me changed too, although I was too blind to notice. Even now Ron still maintains he knew Harry was in love with me months before I even had a clue. To me we were still best friends, there for each other, someone to cling to in the dead of night. I vividly remember our first kiss. How he came into my room, so nervous, unsure and completely unlike the Harry I knew. I stood, confused, as he walked towards me, without a word placing his hands on the side of my face as he lowered his lips to mine. I can still remember every emotion conveyed in that one kiss, desperation, a longing ache deep inside, and then, below it all love. It shocked me into oblivion. Pulling away I gasped at him, anger flaring in my eyes.
"I will never be her." I said quietly avoiding his eyes, knowing they would melt me, knowing that if I looked at him I would want him, even if he was just using me as a substitute. I left, ran away from it all until Ron, Ron of all people, Ron who everyone thought I would end up with, found me, huddled beneath a tree sobbing. He sat next to me, looking at me with those big expressive eyes, glinting in the sunlight.
"Hermione, what are you doing?" He asked bluntly wrapping his arms around me. Hiccupping I looked at him, before burying my head in my hands.
"I cant, I'm not her, I'll never be her." I sobbed into my hands, my words barely audible. But Ron knew, Ron, it seemed, always knew. He looked at me amused shaking his head. "Are you blind 'Mione? He loves you, anyone can see that." I looked up wide eyed and scared before hearing a noise behind us.
"He's right Hermione." Suddenly there he was. It took one look at him for me to realise he wasn't lying to me. Standing shakily I rose to his level, my hands paralysed by my sides, my voice apparently dumb. My eyes finally rose to reach his as his arms reached out for me, pulling me into his protective embrace, one I knew so well. Tears fell silently down my face as I buried my head into his chest sobbing.
"I do, I love you Hermione." He said, his voice strong and confident, everything I wasn't at that moment in time. Ron smirked from the side lines, before turning to walk back to the house, shooting Harry one last happy smile.
I lifted my head and met his eyes through tear filled, red raw ones. I could feel him pulling me closer as he kissed my face repeatedly, slowly, kissing my tears away. "I love you Harry." I said quietly only half believing myself. Those words I'd wanted to say for so long now sounding foreign. He smiled at me, that smile that still to this day could reduce me to a trembling wreck in front of him. Our bodies were flush as we stood gazing at each other as if seeing the other truly for the first time. After a while we sat, Harry pulling me onto his lap as he played with my hair. I could feel his heart beating rapidly as I looked at him, leaning in and initiating our second kiss, running my tongue along his lips, committing his taste to memory forever. I was suddenly terrified that I would lose him, that this would be the last time I would ever kiss him. Somehow, almost as if he knew, he pulled back looking me dead in the eyes. "Hermione, we are going to win, and we are going to be fine, and happy, loved and together." He said, his words soothing me. We stayed for as long as possible before hunger and cold forced us back inside where Ron and many of the Weasleys were sitting all smiling brightly at us.
I buried my head into Harry's shoulder in embarrassment as he held my hand tightly as though he would never let go. We sat and ate dinner, our knees touching under the table, Harry's arm never leaving the back of my chair, sending waves of emotion running through me. Our eyes met continuously as we threw stolen glances, the promise of more showing through as we became oblivious to the conversation going on around us. After dinner I stood to help Molly in the kitchen, our usual routine. She smiled as I walked in, before walking over and embracing me tightly, her arms wrapped around me like I was one of her own. After the death of Ginny, and with my parents going into hiding, Molly had become a second mother to me, and Harry, who wanted nothing more than to love us as her own. As she pulled back I saw tears in her eyes.
"Do you know how long its been since I've seen you or Harry smile? Properly smile?" She said as she wiped a stray tear. "You deserve each other, let him love you, love him with all your might." She added imparting her wisdom to me before she turned towards the sink.
"I already do Molly." I admitted as I walked over, picking up a dish cloth approaching the ever increasing mountain of plates. Ron often commented how, even though I was a witch, and a powerful one at that, I still refused to clean any other way than I grew up with. I found cleaning therapeutic, a good time to think. We cleaned in companionable silence before I made Molly leave to go rest, assuring her I would be fine to finish myself. My mind wandered to the events of tonight and the possibilities of the future. My heart jumped to my throat as I felt a strong pair of arms around my waist, and soft lips against the back of my neck causing shivers to run down my spine. I turned blushing furiously as I looked into Harry's.
"I-I was just thinking of you." I admitted as I laced my arms around his neck, interlocking my fingers together looking up into his eyes.
"What about me?" He asked wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me completely into his embrace.
"About tonight." I answer hiding my face from him, my embarrassment still evident. He pulls my face back towards his.
"Mione you have nothing to be embarrassed or scared about. Lets go upstairs." He said, kissing me lightly before taking a hand and leading me from the room. My heart was racing as we walked along the corridors. Being that I had my own room, one so often shared by Harry anyway, he led me there, in through the large door and towards the bed. I followed diligently knowing he would never hurt me. I sat close to him, on the bed, slightly facing him as we stared into each others eyes words not needed anymore. He traced my face with his fingers, that smile upon his face again. As he moved over my lips I kissed his fingers lightly, marvelling in the shiver I saw run down his body. Silently his hands moved towards my neck, resting on the top of my white and blue collared shirt. I placed my hands on top of his, leading them to the buttons, urging him forwards as I watched his face. The look of wonder amazed me as my shirt fell open and Harry saw me for the first time, the white lace of my bra leaving little to the imagination. He looked up into my eyes as his hands slipped my shirt off my shoulders.
"You are beautiful." He whispered as he cupped my face kissing me deeply. My hands, apparently working of their own accord, flew to the hem of his t-shirt need to see, feel, taste, smell his skin. I pulled it off his body urgently, leaning down and kissing his taut white muscular skin, breathing him in deeply, before pulling back to admire him. His years of quidditch and defence training had sculpted his body into one of near perfection, one I couldn't tear my eyes away from. I looked up, into his eyes eventually, blushing as I saw them darken with lust. I raked my hands up his chest, feeling him shiver again, that single act causing my breathing to become laboured and send a jolt of electricity straight to my centre. His hands moved around my back, unclasping my bra, his eyes feasting on me and he lent down and kissed my newly exposed skin. My eyes slid shut not believing what exactly was happening. Harry was not half naked in my room with me, half naked, kissing and caressing my naked chest. His tongue was not running in lazy circles around my nipple and his hand was certainly not.. oh god.. it was. My eyes snapped open as a hand moved down my stomach, stopping on the top of my jeans. A slow nod from me was all he needed to continue, his skilled fingers making quick work of the button and zip as he slid them off my legs, my hips lifting to accommodate him. My hands quickly moved to this top of his own trousers, pulling them roughly down, urgency now paramount.
We both stopped suddenly, our breathing ragged and in time with one another as eyes ran over our now naked bodies. I lay backwards on the bed, arms reaching out for him. He lay down beside me, holding me in his arms and looking into my eyes before he moved atop of me. One lift of my hips and we were one, moving slowly together for what felt like an amazing eternity. I awoke the next morning, our bodies still entwined, our legs tangled, his arms around me, holding me possessively even as he slept.
I watched him sleep, seeing the even movement of his chest, rising and falling as he slept. My heart leap. He was mine, something I never thought, never dreamed would happen. I tried, and failed to keep the smile off my face as my hands stroked his hair lightly, his breath on my neck tickling. The urge to wake him was almost too much, but the sight of him so innocent and calm beside me stopped me. This was a side of him I had never seen before and it entranced me. I can't remember how long I lay there with him, simply watching, before I felt his breathing change, shallower, fast breaths. His eyes opened slowly and for a split second I was paralysed with fear.
What if he thought it was a mistake? What if he didn't want me? What if it were all a game to him?
The moment he looked at me and smiled I knew I had nothing to worry about, at all.