Hermione sat down at an available table near the entrance as her date went with some friends from Durmstrang to grab punch from the table in the middle of the now beautifully decorated Great Hall. She did not want to go with Viktor Krum to the Ball whatsoever, she didn't even like boys and he was far too old for her, but she could not find it in herself to reject him when he had asked, so she had stuttered out a nervous Erm… sure. Yes, I'll go with you. Ron in particular was not very happy with her chosen date but she could not care less what he thought.
Viktor had kept her on her feet and dancing the entire evening so it wasn't until now she could sit down, relax and finally appreciate the décor.
The tables were clad in sterling silver, there were pretty lights floating midair, so white it almost looked blue. There were three very large snow-covered Christmas trees in the back and there was snow falling from the ceiling that stopped before it could reach anyone, and Hermione was in awe at the complexity of the charm the Professors must have used for the snow.
She pondered over possible charms they could have used as she observed the dance floor. Nivalis Initium perhaps? Definitely coupled with a particularly advanced Weather-Modifying Charm.She was scouring through the encyclopedia in her head before her eyes caught on Pansy Parkinson sitting on a bench on the other end of the Hall.
She was wearing an emerald green silk dress (so verySlytherin, Hermione thought) with a matching necklace and pair of earrings clad in silver heels. Her hair was down in the familiar bob and bangs she always had, not a hair out place, and her makeup was not very excessive, not that she needed makeup, and Hermione thought she looked beautiful. She always did, but especially right now.
The green of her dress complimented her fair complexion and Hermione wanted to trace her fingers on her skin.
When Hermione stopped that particular train of thought she focused on Pansy's face again and she noticed that Pansy looked… unhappy. Yes, veryunhappy. Miserable, even.
Hermione frowned and wondered what might have put her in such a foul mood. She wanted to go over there and comfort her, advise her, something.But that would have been weird because they did not talk to each other and they hated each other. Or at least they should hate each other.
She's a Gryffindor and she's a Slytherin, they are conditioned to hate each other. She had called Hermione a mudblood many times. She should hate her, she should be glad she's upset, but she isn't. Because Hermione Granger does not hate Pansy Parkinson, quite on the contrary actually.
Hermione had been pining after the raven-haired girl since their second year and hated herself for it. Because who in their right mind would have a crush on someone who used to call her a mudblood and make fun of her lack of money? It was idiotic, completely illogical, and sounlike Hermione, but she couldn't help it. Opposites attract, I guess.
She had spent the majority of her years at Hogwarts sending longing glances at Parkinson in the Great Hall or in class or in the Quidditch stands when Slytherin played against Gryffindor. And when Lavender and Parvati talked about boys they fancied late at night in their dorm she just stayed quiet.
During their third year Ron had once caught her staring at Pansy at the Slytherin table during lunch but thought she was looking at Adrian Pucey who was conveniently enough standing behind her. Hermione was deathly scared of telling Harry and Ron that she liked girls and not boys, as well as she was a bit ashamed, not of being gay but of liking Pansy Parkinson, so she went along with it even though she hatedAdrian Pucey. There wasn't a person she hated more than him, not only was he vile and prejudiced and hateful but he had also used a lust potion on Fawn Mortensen once to get her into his dorm. No, she hated him, but in that moment her fear of coming out triumphed being honest with her best friend.
So no, Hermione did not hate Pansy. She was infatuated.
Looking a bit to the right of Pansy she could now see what was causing her the misery. Draco, her date, was standing near the start of the dance floor with a very pretty Beauxbatons student. He was holding a hand around her waist and was leaning down to whisper something in her ear, to which the brunette girl laughed and nodded.
Hermione looked back towards Pansy again. She did not look sad like one would be when your date is flirting and touching other girls, she just looked angry and miserable.
The Beauxbatons girl had now clung to his chest while they walked towards the exit and judging by the direction they were walking in they were presumably heading for the alcoves in the dungeons. Anger rose up in Hermione's body like icy fire and she had never wanted to hex Draco more than she did at that moment.
When Hermione looked back at the bench where Pansy was, it was empty.
She looked around but there was no sign of the short-haired girl.
A movement on her right caught her attention and when she turned she found Harry and Ron sitting down next to her.
Hermione wasn't in a very good mood and was definitely not in the mood for getting interrogated by Ron for her choice of date. Drawing a long breath in she turned to fully face her two best friends.
"I see Krum isn't here," Ron drawled. Harry gave Hermione a small smile as if to say sorry.
"Oh, what a clever observation, Ronald," Hermione rolled her eyes. She hadn't meant to sound so snappy, but she was rather sick of Ron's attitude when he could've easily asked her himself, even though if he had asked her Hermione was almost positive she would have said no.
"Y'know you're fraternising with the enemy right? Not only that but he is way too old." Some people had stopped to listen to their conversation and Hermione felt herself reddening.
Hermione scoffed and glared at Ron. Harry looked very uncomfortable, but she went on anyway. "What?!"
"You heard me," Ron replied and looked as if he had just eaten a sour piece of candy.
"What do you mean enemy?You wanted his autograph not even a second ago! Besides, I can take care of myself and I can go with whoever I please to the Ball." Hermione was fuming now, her hands curled up in fists and her hair buzzing with the magic piercing through her.
All eyes were on her and she felt humiliated.
"You have nothing to be angry about, Ron! You couldn't even askme yourself, you absolute arse!" Hermione staggered to her feet and went to leave the Ball with tears in her eyes from the humiliation. She intentionally bumped into Ron and started for the exit whilst muttering a goodnight to Harry who looked very torn between running after Hermione and staying with Ron.
Once she had left the Hall she took a shaky breath as tears fell down her eyes. She thought she could see the familiar dress of Pansy sitting in the staircase, but she couldn't be sure with her blurry vision.
Hermione darted up the stairs and towards the secluded passageway on the fourth floor she often visited when everything got a bit much. Her heart was thumping painfully inside her chest and she felt the familiar feeling of an oncoming panic attack.
She took two steps at a time until she finally got to the landing on the fourth floor. Hermione knew the way to the passageway by heart and dashed through the main corridor before taking a right, then a left, another left, went up three steps, took another right behind the statue at the end of the wall and was met with the familiar passageway.
She sat down opposite the secret staircase that lead to the fifth floor and clutched her head in her hands as she tried to even out her breathing. She looked out the open window overlooking the grounds and tried to calm her mind, but to no avail. The air was leaving her in tiny little panicked gasps and fear coursed through her and left her feeling heavy like she had been hit with a bad Sanguis Ferrumcurse.
Hermione clutched her head again and closed her eyes for a second, doing everything in her power to control her breathing. When she opened her eyes again her breathing was still irregular, and her vision was filled with black spots.
She was heaving for air and more tears escaped her as she let out a panicked cry.
She closed her eyes again and pulled her knees up to her chest, rocking back and forth like an inconsolable child.
She couldn't feel anything but the pain in her chest until she felt a pair of soft hands touch her shoulder. Hermione's eyes shot open and she was met with the face of Pansy Parkinson crouching in front of her.
Her vision was spotty and blurry, but she was certain it was Pansy.
Pansy reached forwards and started stroking her hair in a comforting manner.
"Granger, listen to me okay?" Pansy looked concerned and the sight unnerved Hermione greatly.
Hermione couldn't hear her clearly over the ringing in her ears and she was still shaking and crying, heaving through what felt like collapsed lungs.
"Granger, come on, focus on my voice." Hermione did not trust her voice and instead opted for a nod.
"Good, okay, look at me. Name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste." Pansy's eyes were filled with concern and her voice took on a nurturing tone.
"I know you can do it, come on, five things you can see." Pansy was stroking her hair and Hermione tried to summon her voice to the best of her abilities as she looked around.
"You, th-the Quidditch pitch, the c-classroom, a lamp and-" she broke off as she gasped at the feeling of panic again. Pansy continued stroking her.
"A-and the staircase." Pansy gave her a small smile and still did not stop stroking her hair. Hermione could feel herself calming down a bit.
"Good, and now four things you can feel."
"Your h-hands, the g-ground beneath me-" Hermione was interrupted again by her panicked breath. She swallowed and tried again. Come on, Hermione, perseverance,she thought to herself. "The hair on my n-neck and the w-wall." Pansy nodded and intertwined their hands.
"Three things you can hear."
Her breathing had calmed down drastically and she continued. "The b-birds, the music from the Ball a-and… and the wind."
Another nod. "Two things you can smell, come on, you're almost there."
"Your perfume and the candle f-from the lamp."
"Perfect. And one thing you can taste."
Hermione's breathing had now almost completely evened out and she had never been more grateful for Pansy than she was in that moment.
"The breath mint I had before the Ball."
Pansy raised her eyebrows at this with a small smile, and Hermione felt warm throughout her body.
"Good job, you're okay now. You're safe."
Hermione nodded. "Thank you."
She was tired now and felt a headache coming on, but more than anything she was embarrassed at being found in the state of a panic attack. But taking one look at the genuine concern on Pansy's face crushed any last shred of embarrassment left in Hermione's body and she looked down at their intertwined hands. Pansy followed her eyes and retracted her hands as if burned and Hermione tried to not seem hurt by the action.
She fumbled with her hands and tried to summon the courage to talk to her.
"But… why did you help me? I thought you hated me." Hermione refused to look into Pansy's eyes and kept her eyes on the ground.
There was a prolonged silence and Hermione stole a glance at Pansy who looked almost hurt with a frown tugging at her lips, something that was very uncharacteristic of Pansy.
"I don't… I don't hate you. At all." Hermione's mouth opened in a small "o" and she looked Pansy directly in the eyes now while trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach.
"I heard you arguing with Weasley and then I saw you sprinting past me, I got worried, so I followed you." Pansy was picking at her nails nervously while looking at the wall. "I saw you were having a panic attack and I erm… I have them myself, so I knew what to do."
Hermione had never heard Pansy stumbling over her words, she was always so confident and out there. It was like Hermione was seeing an entirely new side of Pansy, but then again so was she. She was about to say something before Pansy continued.
"I know I've been horrible to you before, so I get why you think I hate you or that I would follow you here to torment you," she said and was now looking at Hermione again. "But I… well… erm… I'm sorry. I am. For the name-calling and mocking and whatnot. I truly am sorry." Pansy swallowed nervously but still sent a small smile in Hermione's direction and she could now see that Pansy had a single dimple. Hermione wanted to kiss it.
"It's okay. Or… no it's not, but I accept your apology." Hermione gave her a smile that she hoped showed that she meant it.
"I saw Draco with that Beauxbatons girl. Are you okay?"
She let out a small laugh and Hermione looked at her confusedly.
"Yes, I didn't even want to go with him really. I was more annoyed that he ditched me." Pansy had an amused look on her face and Hermione felt more confused now than before.
"But… isn't he your boyfriend?"
"Draco?!" Pansy laughed again only much louder this time, and Hermione frowned. What was so funny about that? She was racking through her brain for an answer but could not come up with a reasonable explanation.
Pansy took a look at Hermione's confused face and stopped laughing.
"Oh, Merlin no. I don't even like him like that. He's just my friend. I like girls." She waited for any kind of reaction from Hermione, good or bad, who was now sitting very still with her heart beating painfully fast.
Hermione inhaled quickly and smiled. "Oh. Me too."
For the first time in the four years she had known Pansy she was now witnessing her stunned into silence. The silence dragged on for another few moments before she finally spoke.
"You?"
"Yes, me. Why? Is it so hard to believe?"
Pansy held up her hands in mock defence and let out a small chuckle. "Not at all, actually. I just thought you fancied that Weasley boy." She said Weasleywith an obvious distaste that Hermione did not allow herself to ponder over.
Now it was her time to laugh.
Pansy looked at her with big eyes until she stopped laughing. "Ron? Never in a million years. He bosses me around and he's so mean to me sometimes. And he's a boy. Obviously." Hermione took a small breath before continuing with a newfound confidence she did not have twenty minutes ago. "Besides, I kind of like someone else."
Pansy quirked an eyebrow at this.
"Well, who's the lucky girl?"
Hermione felt a blush creeping up her cheeks and hoped it wasn't too obvious that she was referring to her. Pansy had that familiar knowing aristocratic smirk on her face, so Hermione guessed it was that obvious. Pansy had always been very smart and intuitive so it made sense that she would.
Hermione's hands were clammy now and she felt nervousness rush through her.
"Anyone I know?" Pansy asked her, the knowing smirk still on her face and Hermione felt like she could melt through the floor if she focused hard enough.
"Oh… er…" Hermione tried to summon the courage once again but before she could even begin to explain she was talking about Pansy, the short-haired girl suddenly leaned forward and grabbed Hermione's face in her hands before connecting their lips.
Hermione froze for a second before letting herself melt into the kiss, for once not worrying about the meaning of it or the possible repercussions.
She could worry later.
Pansy's lips were cold and soft and moved against Hermione's slowly. Hermione moved her hands upwards to grab Pansy's hair who let out a small gasp in surprise.
In return she bit down on her bottom lip and Hermione keened at the action.
Pansy broke away from the kiss for a second to grab at Hermione's waist and gesture for her to sit in her lap. The bushy-haired witch eagerly complied and sat in her lap before connecting their lips once more.
Hermione's lips slanted against Pansy's fuller ones and when she felt Pansy's tongue licking at her bottom lip, she immediately parted her lips and granted her access.
It felt like a golden light was waving through Hermione, starting from the top of her head and down to her feet and she had never felt so warm and light before.
Their hands intertwined without thinking and they kept kissing each other slowly and deliberately like they had all the time in the world, and perhaps they did. Hermione could only focus on the feeling of Pansy's lips on her own and the soft music from the Great Hall.
The two witches kept kissing for what felt like hours before Hermione broke it off to catch her breath. When she retracted from Pansy's lips, she could feel the warmth in her cheeks and hoped she didn't look as dishevelled as she felt. She rested her head on Pansy's chest who had untangled their fingers in favour of raking them through her hair.
"I know."
Hermione looked up at Pansy. "Know what?" She asked even though she knew what she was referring to.
The Slytherin rolled her eyes with an amused smile. "Don't act so daft, Granger, you're anything but."
Hermione laughed and Pansy could feel the vibrations of it against her chest.
"I like you too. Just so you know."
Hermione thought Pansy actually looked nervous and the thought stirred up the butterflies in her stomach again. Still, the idea of Pansy liking her seemed so unlikely she couldn't help the surprise from showing on her face.
"You like me?" Hermione asked with a shrill voice that resurfaced whenever she was either nervous, surprised or scared.
"Yes, you. Why? Is it so hard to believe?" Pansy had a grin on her face as if using Hermione's exact words from before was the most amusing thing in the world.
Hermione pointedly ignored the obvious sarcasm and instead replied, "Yes. It is."
"Maybe. I don't think so."
Hermione didn't say anything and just pressed up closer to Pansy.
"You know, I've waited for this for two years, so in a way I think I should thank Weasley for being a gigantic fucking tosser. Lead you straight to me, didn't he?" Pansy's face lit up with mirth and the two girls broke into laughter and Hermione thought she had never been happier than right now.
"Well, I've also waited two years so I think Draco also deserves some credit for being an inconsiderate idiot. Perhaps flowers are in order?" Pansy found this particularly funny and threw her head back as she laughed more. Hermione just looked at her in awe.
Pansy stopped laughing after a while and met Hermione's eyes before kissing her temple quickly.
"Two years?"
"Two years," Hermione replied softly.
"And you still like me?"
"Always."
"Always?"
"Always," Hermione said once more with a smile so big she was afraid her face would break into pieces, but if it did she knew Pansy would pick up the pieces and put them back.
The pair sat there like that for a long time before Pansy sat up, grabbed Hermione's hand in her own and lead them towards the Slytherin dorms.
Hermione was shocked to see Slytherins had their own dorms but was also very grateful that they did.
Once in her dorm they undressed and put on pajamas, Hermione borrowed one from Pansy who did not complain at the sight of her in her own clothing.
Oh, wow, Hermione. Do a little spin.
Oh, shut up Pansy.
Oooh, gladly. If you make me.
Pansy!
When they had settled in the bed Hermione spoke again.
"I'll tell Harry and Ron tomorrow morning. I'm done being scared of their reaction. Screw them if they don't like it."
Pansy looked incredibly proud and kissed her. "There's the Golden Girl we all know and love." Hermione chuckled and let out a small sigh. Pansy stroked her thumb across her hand in circles.
"You don't have to do it tomorrow. We have all the time in the world."
"We do?"
"Mm," Pansy replied.
"Well, I still want to do it tomorrow. If that's all right."
Pansy shook her head incredulously. "Of course. I'll come with so if they don't like it we can see if their opinions change after being hit with a little scalping hex."
Hermione laughed heartily.
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow," Pansy reassured her.
They spent the rest of the evening kissing and talking in Pansy's bed before they decided to finally go to sleep.
Pansy turned to face Hermione at the same she turned to face her. Pansy closed the distance between them and gave her witch another kiss, and then another one and another one before leaning back again.
Their two hands were longing for each other and so they entangled their fingers together again under the duvet.
"Goodnight, girlfriend."
Hermione tried to calm her heart as heat rushed through her at the word girlfriend, but now she did not care that Pansy could see her crimson red cheeks.
"Goodnight, girlfriend."
The next morning they were holding hands outside the Great Hall preparing to go inside, and they decided that if someone didn't like their relationship it wouldn't matter because they still had tomorrow.