Spells and Louds
Chapter 153: Helluva Hazbin!
Warning! This chapter contains so much cursing, like a lot. You have been warned, this chapter is rated M for Mature and H for Hell! Enjoy folks!
(December 13, Friday)
Tomorrow marks the Birthday of their dear friend/team mate Becky Jill Miller. That's her full name? Wow!
Martin has already planned it out onto where they will host her surprise party, but he assumes Becky already knows since she was the one who helped make the surprise party for Dana last month.
Lincoln, Linka, Courage and Timmy are looking for something she might like at the Dominion homeworld Korhal.
Lori along with Dana and the rest of their teen friends are headed for Reiningers to see if Miguel and Fiona finally received the private delivery of some new clothing, which they want Becky to be the first to own.
Sunset is with her Canterlot friends shopping for something at their world's mall.
Leni is in her room finishing off the dress she's making for Becky, she told everyone she needs some peace and quiet if she wants to make this right, Roselia was helping her of course. Neil was able to provide a powerful sound proof barrier for her room thanks to Deathwing's magic.
Gwen and Lily are enjoying some quality time at the park alongside Garchomp.
Luna and Sam are at a band rehearsal then they're gonna go gift shopping.
Leon and Sergei are in the Airship wrapping their gifts. They were able to find something Becky could use.
Meanwhile we go back to Neil who is on the couch reading a book enjoying this moment of silence.
What he doesn't know is that something is coming, Neil moves his eyes away from the book and looks around. "Something's wrong."
Neil looks out the window and sees the Great Gate was fine, nothing was coming. But he felt like something was going to come.
Neil then goes back to reading his book.
Then all of a sudden a small red portal with fire opens underneath the second couch next to Neil and the second couch falls into the portal.
"There goes the other couch" said Neil.
"Ouch! What the fuck is this couch doing here?!" yelled a voice from the other side of the portal.
Then four figures emerge from the portal.
Two short horned demons, one male with white hair and one female with black hair.
A demon that is almost close to Leon's height with horns red skin and a few white spots and looks almost snake like in nature.
And finally a dog like humanoid at Sergei height and is taller than the other demons with grey and white fur, wearing a grey top and black shorts and she has red eyes.
All four of them spot Neil.
Neil just looks confused. "Can I help you?"
The female wolf looks at her phone and shows it to the tall demon. "We are looking for a Neil Spellman."
Neil puts the book onto the coffee table. "And who is asking?"
"Well I'm glad you asked sir, my name is Blitz I run the I.M.P" replied Blitz.
"I.M.P?" asked Neil.
"Perhaps this will help you" he uses the demon book to enchant a small spell onto the TV and it shows the commercial.
(I.M.P commercial)
Hi there I'm Blitz! The OS Silent and I'm the founder of I.M.P!
Are you a piece of shit who got sent to hell?
Or are you an innocent soul who got fucked! Over by someone else?
Interview with a sinner: After lovingly killing my wife for fucking a Delivery man! You'd be imagined by my surprise that I end up here, after the state of Ohio killed me. I really wish I could stick it to that yappy jogger who was me hiding the body!
Well luckily for you thanks to our company's special access to the living world.
We can now take care of your unfinished business by taking out anyone who screwed you over when you were alive.
When you want somebody gone
And you don't want to wait too long
Call the Immediate Murder Professionals!
Hand Grenade or Cyanide
We'll make it look like Suicide
The Immediate Murder Professionals!
We do our job so well
Because we come straight up from hell
We'll kill your husband or your wife
We'll even let you keep the knife
We're the immediate The Immediate Murder Professionals!
They accidently shot a kid.
Kids Die for Free!
(End commercial)
The TV then turns off, leaving Neil confused.
Blitz sits on the floor with a bowl of popcorn. "Oh man, so many good memories."
His other employees are also eating some of the popcorn.
"I really looked good in those jingles" said Millie.
Moxxie sighs. "Okay, okay. I guess that jingle was fine and it made us all look good, thought why wasn't Loona in any of them?"
Loona just goes back to her phone. "Shut the fuck up Moxxie, I honestly don't care."
Neil then looks at them. "When did I get that channel and what the hell was that?!"
Blitz gets up and tosses the bowl of popcorn way and it lands in Millie's arms. "Well, since you are asking like I said. My name is Blitz. These are my employees, Moxxie and Millie those two are married and I sometimes spy on them."
Moxxie's eye twitches in annoyance hearing that. "You mean all the time sir!"
Millie holds onto his shoulder. "Calm down Moxxie."
"Then there's Loona! My adopted Daughter/Receptionist/Dog. She's a Hellhound" replied Blitz.
"Whatever" replied Loona on her phone.
Neil was still confused by this. "Okay, and what the hell are you guys doing in my house?"
"We got a call from a client who wants a Neil Spellman dead and he told us the location of where he lives which leads us to here" replied Loona.
"So, is he here or did he just leave?" asked Blitz.
Moxxie face palms himself. "Sir, I think that man is Neil Spellman."
Blitz looks at Neil, then back to Loona. "Did the client show you the picture of the target?"
Loona just looks through the messages. "Nope. Just the name."
Blitz then looks to Neil who is looking at them confused. "So, you're the guy we're supposed to kill?"
Neil looks around. "I'm gonna guess you guys really are from hell and the guy who wants me dead is a sinner who hates me back when he was alive. Well I can't blame him, I've made many enemies when I worked with the US Government."
"So, you are the guy?" asked Blitz.
"The one and only" replied Neil.
"Good, good" Blitz then pulls out a shotgun and blasts Neil off the couch and he falls over onto the ground lifeless, or so they think.
"Well, that was too easy. I thought he would run or fight back" said Blitz.
Moxxie then notices the man getting up. "Sir! He's back up!"
Blitz, Millie and Loona were shocked to see him back on his feet and his jaw almost unhinged since that's where he was shot.
Neil then grabs his dangling lower jaw and places it back in, he was bleeding some blood or human, zerg and lava. "Now that hurt. A lot."
"How the fuck are you even alive?!" asked Blitz.
"So maybe that's why the client said he wants all of us to come here and kill you" said Millie.
Neil gets up and he looks like he was gonna attack them, but he isn't. "Go ahead, keep trying to kill me, I ain't going no place. Plus reading here in the living room just got boring anyway and you guys just made my day! So bring it on!"
The four demons looked at each other and smiled.
Blitz pulled out a chainsaw.
Loona's eyes glowing red and her teeth show as she growls along with her claws.
Moxxie pulls out a Sniper Rifle.
Millie has dual pistols and a machine gun.
But Neil smirks with Deathwing's eye. "This is gonna be fun!"
Meanwhile Leon and Sergei are headed to the house.
"So, can't wait to get our hands on the NXT Tag titles again brother?" asked Sergei.
"Dang right I am, and this time we have the upper hand. A tripe threat tag team match!" said Leon.
"A shame we don't have an extra party to be on our ring side" said Sergei.
"Good point, the Forgotten sons are three men and the Undisputed Era are four guys" replied Leon.
But before they could continue they both hear some sounds of gun blasts and what sounded like chainsaw getting jammed.
They both enter the house and pass through the kitchen and dining room and head for the living room.
They both are shocked to see the Living room in almost at ruin.
Some empty bullets casings on the ground, bullet holes on the wall, knives stuck to the ceiling and finally they see Neil holding onto the wall and four starnge creatures trying to yank the Chainsaw out of him.
"Keep pulling guys!" said Neil.
The demons are struggling to break it out of his body. "We're trying!" yelled Blitz.
"See this is why I trolled Moxxie with that weight loss poster" said Loona.
Moxxie looks to Loona in anger. "You what?!"
Then Neil notices a button on the chainsaw that said reverse, so he pushes it and the demons pulling are knocked off and hit the wall, though Sergei was able to catch the chainsaw before it could hit Loona in the face.
Sergei and Loona look at each other. "Too close."
Loona then gets up and they notice they were at the same height. "Thanks, man" replied Loona.
Sergei then turns the chainsaw off and tosses it away. "Now can someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?"
Neil then notices all of his wounds are healed up. "Allow me to explain."
"Shoot" replied Leon with his arms folded.
"These guys were sent to kill me. They come from hell and are the Immediate Murder Professionals or I.M.P for short. Some low life sinner in hell wants me dead" replied Neil.
Leon and Sergei look towards the four demons. Who are nodding in response.
"Okay, so who's the client?" asked Leon.
"Sorry, but we can't tell you guys" replied Mille.
Neil then goes through his head with many name he tries to remember. "Drug cartel? Terrorist or a man who was defeated by me because I made sure his kids were safe from his abusive nature?"
Loona looks at her phone. "The third one."
Leon and Sergei gasp.
"Someone from one of your old Child abuse cases" said Sergei.
"But who?" asked Leon.
Neil then thinks again. He knows that when you're sent to hell, you take the true demonic form of your inner demon. "Is he a snake or a vulture? Or both?"
"He's a snake with black wings" replied Moxxie.
"He did seems more like a lizard to me. Plus he sounded very drunk" said Blitz.
Neil then realizes. "James Derellson, the father of Sasha and Trevor. He is responsible for child neglect and child abuse and he killed the babysitter who tried to save the kids."
Leon and Sergei also remember.
"Oh yeah, he's the same guy who wanted to beat you up in court" said Leon.
"And he dies last year because of his cell mate. Because as it turns out he was also harboring drugs and killing people off the street for their money and one of the people he killed was the sister of his cell mate" said Sergei.
Blitz whistles at that. "Wow! Talk about karma biting him in the ass, twice!"
Moxxie and Millie snicker at that.
"He's a dick" said Loona with a smile.
"So, he's the one who sent me. Why am I not surprised" said Neil.
Then Blitz threw a knife to Neil's head but it just stuck there like darts. "Seriously dude, I can't die" said Neil.
"Why aren't you even dead yet?" asked Millie.
Neil and Leon are about to speak. But Sergei does it first.
"Because he now embodies the soul of a destructive god like dragon that is capable of destroying everything all life to every planet and after an almost near death incident he was given new genetic powers from a freaky alien race and now he commands that alien race and now he's just as immune to death as me and Leon are."
They looked to Sergei in shock.
"He's right" said Leon.
"We are not normal" said Neil. "And you guys are lucky my wife and kids aren't here, otherwise they'd kick you're asses."
"Isn't Leni here?" asked Sergei.
Neil realizes. "Oh yeah, she's upstairs in the silence barrier trying to finish the dress and it's also invulnerable so she probably has no idea what's happening down here."
"Damn it! Now what do we do?!" said Moxxie. Millie is also upset by this and tries to comfort her husband.
"We can't go back and tell the client that we didn't kill the guy" said Loona.
Blitz sits on the chair and looks up in misery. "As if this day couldn't get any worse!"
Then Gyro enters through the door with a tall, deer looking demon with red colors on his suit and hair.
"Well, well. If it isn't the low-grade I.M.P company" said the Radio demon.
Blitz, Loona, Moxxie and Millie are shocked, they're eyes filled with fear.
"I stand corrected" said Blitz.
Gyro sees the demons and the carnage that has happened. "Can someone tell me what the hell happened here?"
Neil then notices the demon next to Gyro and his smile. "You first Guardian."
Gyro sighs. "My friends this is-"
"Alastor! A Pleasure to meet you all and it is quite the surprise to see that the I.M.P was sent here to kill one of you! Might I say this is one back stabbing visit don't you think Gyro" said Alastor.
"Many in hell call him the Radio Demon, as lazy as that sounds. Alastor is the most dominant demonic force in this hell and he is also here to tell me of something that has happened in hell involving the princess" said Gyro.
Blitz and the others were know calm but still fearful of Alastor.
"Are you talking about that shitty hotel?" asked Loona.
"The very same one my dear! And even if it was shitty there won't be much assholes to be around" replied Alastor. Then an audience laugh could be heard.
"That place has got to be the most ridiculous idea she ever had" said Moxxie.
"The most unbelievably stupidest idea! And pure entertainment!" said Alastor. Then an audience laugh could be heard.
"She really thinks sinners can be redeemed. What a joke!" said Millie.
"The real joke is to the fact she still believes in it!" said Alastor. Then an audience laugh could be heard.
"If there's one thing I believe in is that all demons, such as myself have no regrets in being who we are" said Blitz.
"And who wouldn't be regretful my dear little demon friend. The only thing to be regretful about is actually hearing the crazy idea!" said Alastor. Then an audience laugh could be heard.
Neil, Leon and Sergei look around for where the hell did that audience came from.
Gyro was confused. "So let me get thi straight. The Princess of Hell, Charlotte."
"She rather be called Charlie" said Alastor.
"Yes, yes. Charlie has an idea and it is to build a hotel that rehabilitates sinners?" asked Gyro.
Neil, Leon and Sergei also look at them confused.
"That is her whole twisted idea my friend" replied Alastor.
Then Gyro, Neil, Leon and Sergei start to laugh. And so does the I.M.P and Alastor just chuckles. "Pure entertainment."
Soon they're laughing lowers down to some short chuckles.
"That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard" said Neil.
"Sinners can't be redeemed. What they did in the living is still marked within them for as long as they live" said Leon.
"A hotel! To rehabilitate sinners?! What a stupid idea! What, is Adolf Hitler gonna be redeemed?!" laughed Sergei.
Loona also snickers at Sergei's joke. "Only if he can go ten seconds without being an asshole."
This causes Sergei to laugh as well.
Gyro then regains his posture and wipes away a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. "So, what the hell are you doing about it Alastor?"
"Well as you should know, I have invested in the hotel!" replied Alastor.
They're laughs were gone.
"What?" asked Neil.
"Now, now. Don't get this the wrong idea my friends. I am not in to the whole silly sinners redeemed idea, I am simply just helping run the place so I can watch as each demon fights to see who will be redeemed first as the others slowly fall into the floor of their utter defeat and humiliation!" said Alastor with a sinister look.
They look to him with some scared and confusion.
"That and because I am bored! And I crave for a new kind of entertainment, even if it means getting into a fist fight with a news reporter, which Charlie already did" replied Alastor.
Gyro just smirked. "Typical Alastor, always finding ways to entertain yourself. Usually you'd find a way to take control of all of hell, but as I know you, you'd always find a way to keep yourself from getting bored, through entertainment."
"Exactly my good man!" said Alastor.
"So, when did you die?" asked Leon.
"Why my former German friend, I died during the Great Depression. Shot by a hunter after I pretended to dress up as a dear! I lost my sanity at that point" said Alastor with as light laugh.
Neil, Leon and Sergei didn't know what else to say, it sounded disturbing.
"Well, a lot of people were out of their minds when the Great Depression arose" said Neil.
"True that" said Sergei.
"And Sergei and I lived through it" said Leon.
Moxxie looks to them. "So, you guys are supposed to be dead?"
"How the heck did you guys came back?" asked Millie.
Leon and Sergei looked to Gyro. "He brought us back and gave us a new path to take."
Blitz smirked. "Well that's a damn shame, I thought you two would be in hell by now."
"There are a lot of Nazi's down there" said Loona.
Leon felt nervous hearing that. "I'd rather not visit hell."
"So, these demons tried to assassinate Neil?" asked Gyro.
"They tried, but I told them I can't die" said Neil.
"And that would be a problem for I.M.P. they have to tell their client what has happened otherwise it's not gonna turn well when he yells in their faces" said Alastor.
"We're so going to lose the company through this" said Moxxie.
Then Neil gets an idea and heads into the basement. This was confusing to them.
Neil comes back with a briefcase of gold, this made Blitz's eyes shine. "What?!"
Neil smirks. "New deal. Go to hell and kill the man who wanted me dead."
Blitz shakes his hand. "Deal! Deal! Deal!"
"Wow, that was quick" said Loona.
"We can finally afford that billboard!" said Blitz.
Moxxie was irritated by this. "Oh boy."
"Well, it seems I have over stayed my welcome, perhaps next time I might come and visit this world. It is after all the holidays and I am feeling festive" said Alastor.
"Well, it was sorta nice having you here Alastor. And thanks for informing me of what's happening in hell" said Gyro.
Alastor shakes Gyro's hand. "And the pleasure was all mine, we are friends after all and no need to worry, the others don't know of our little alliance and neither does Satan or Lilith."
Leon whispers to Sergei. "Isn't Lilith the exiled wife of Adam?"
"From the bible? Yup" replied Sergei.
Alastor then opens the front door for the other demons. "Now, let us all return back to hell. We wouldn't want our presence here to spark a blood bath no would we?"
Blitz then hands the briefcase to Moxxie and Millie who are struggling to pick it up.
Blitz shakes the hands of Neil, Leon, Sergei and Gyro. "Again, thank you for this offer and if you guys need someone assisted just call us!"
Gyro did have an idea. "You know what. Sure, we'll give you guys a call for whenever we need your vicious assassination skills."
Neil and Leon look to Gyro shocked. "We are?!"
Sergei didn't seem to mind.
Then Loona approaches Sergei and puts the number of the company into his jacket and smiles. "I'm the first person to take the call, I am the receptionist after all."
Sergei blushed a bit from hearing that. "Umm, okay."
"Well, we should all get going now! We have a client to kill!" said Blitz as he walks out of the house alongside Alastor and Moxxie and Mille who are trying to carry the briefcase.
Loona then walks past Sergei and lets her tail flick around his face making him felt as if he was lured by her. She then looks back and winks at him, then she leaves the house.
All of the demons head to the Great gate, in which Alastor manages to open it by himself and they all head back to hell.
Neil, Leon and Gyro look at Sergei who just stared in the distance.
"Are you okay man?" asked Leon.
Sergei smiles a bit. "I think I may have found my soul mate, from hell."
Neil gasps. "Dear god!"
"Dad?"
They all turn around to see Lincoln, Linka, the Pokemon, Gwen, Lily, Timmy, Sunset, Luna, Sam, Peter, Lori, Dana, Jackie, Mandee, Teri, Whitney, Lisa, Martin, Victor, Penny, Tadashi, Jack Cyber and Courage were all standing at the Dining room looking at them with both shock and confusion.
Neil remembered that they were gonna have a meeting on how they were gonna keep Becky occupied before the party.
"What the hell was that about?" asked Gwen.
They remained silent, until Neil spoke up. "How long were you all standing there?"
"We took the back door" said Sunset.
"We were here when Gyro introduced that Radio Demon dude" said Sam.
Linka then crosses her arms. "Can someone please explain?"
Neil and the others just sigh in defeat, except for Sergei. He looked confident.
Then Leni comes down the stairs along with Roselia. "Guess what guys! I finished the dress! Becky is totes gonna love it!"
Then she notices everyone looking at her. "What?"
Then Leni looks at what happened to the living room. "What did I miss?"
To be continued …
And there you have it folks! The Creations of Vivienne Medrano! Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss! I hope you all liked this chapter, leave review and tell me what you all think.
Stay Tuned Folks! Hehehehehe!