Schizophrenia of the Redneck Sword Hero

by Actual QM

Meet ya boy Jim. He shall bring the word of god and raise some coons.

1. Just Your Typical Isekai

Huh, where am I? Why am I here?!

I look around to see three other guys, all with various weapons in their hands. Around us men in white robes cheer on what I could only guess was a grand success.

"Welcome to our world heroes, we are in great pearl…"

Ugh, why does my head hurt so much? What's my name again? What was I doing a moment ago?

What's this thing I'm holding? Its a weapon of some kind, but for the life of me I forgot what its called!?

"That's not a Talwar! It's an Ōdachi!"

"THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF FEAR IN THE FORM OF A STICK!"

"Shillelagh?"

"Our penis, the mighty Mjollnir."

"tfw forgot what my dick is."

Ugh, whats that thing in my pants? Wasn't it called a sword or something Didn't someone called it the stick of thrashing?

Oh yeah, a Penis! That's what it was called.

Still, what the fuck was this thing in my hand?

"A keyboard?!"

"sword, dumbass."

"Still shillelagh."

"The Keyblade?"

Oh yeah, I remember now! It's a Sword! Why the fuck do I have a sword? Wait, why did I just hear Great Grandpa's voice?

Wait, now that I look around the other guys have weapons as well. I can see a Spear, a Bow, and a Shield. Now that I look into it a little more they all kind of look kind of similar.

"Now come Heroes of the legendary weapons, come forth and let me introduce King Aultcray Melromarc XXXII King of Melcromarc!" That robed man who was talking announced.

With a sudden shift the crowd started moving forward. I could feel the weight of my PC shifting from side to side. Oh yeah, I was returning from a LAN party with a bunch of my fellow degenerates.

Within moments we were in a throne room, a noble looking man sitting on a nice throne. Since he was a King, everyone bowed to him with respect before he raised his hand.

"The Legendary Heroes may stand. I am humbled to be within your presence since your summoning. Please, tell us your names." With a show of his hand he pointed towards us.

The one who held the spear, his face a lady killer's spoke first, "Names Motoyasu Kitamura, I'm a Third Year Chem Major from Tokyo University."

The one who held a bow spoke next, "Itsuki, Senior in Highschool."

Everyone turned to me waiting for my response. Sorry guys, my head just hurts.

# A* *!): !N*#)$

"Raccoons have an average litter size if 3-5 by using our mad hacking skills to use the [incest_off] command by having our infant offspring kill rats with knives can quickly have a large breeding stock of demi-humans which will grow exponentially. In no time at all we will have an ever growing army of Smol raccoon girls which we will send as horde infantry to attack villages."

"Why would we use them as infantry when we can just have orgies all day?"

"Sure why not. As long as we make sure to regularly reward our raccoon girls with sex they will remain loyal. After all, just because we're the sword hero, doesn't mean that's our most effective weapon."

"Yes. Raccoon Girl battle harem army go!"

Coon girl origies. Yeah, that sounds— WAIT WHY THE FUCK AM I THINKING THAT! I would never touch Daniel like that!

I am a good Christian! In the name of the Lord why am I having these thoughts! Great Grandfather was a promiscuous one! Wait, have I ever met Great Grandpa Jim?

I couldn't help but smile now, now I 'member who I am, "I'm Jim Borris Jr. of the South Carolina Baptist Church. I'm a coon breeder as me hobby. In the name of the good Lord nice to meet ya!"

Everyone looked at me like I was a little coco, but I'm used to it. They always say look at ol' Borris and his coons. Man, I hope Sally will do fine while I'm with this King fellow.

The King guy looked hit hard when I introduced myself. He seemed to roll with the flow just fine though, "Thank you for introducing youselves. If you—"

"Hey!" For a moment some Chinese looking fellow introduced himself, callin himself Naofuckme. Now that I think about it, two out of the four of us guys are fucking Chinese. The last guy has a funny sounding name, so he might be one as well!

The King fellow nodded, "Thank you, boy. It has been a week since the Waves of Calamity ravaged my lands, as they will the entire world. You each will need to forge a party to fight with you against these waves."

I could hear someone pipe up about why couldn't we fight together, but something just popped up infront of me.

Legendary Weapons repulse each other, denying EXP to all if they fight together.

Huh, now those are some weird words you don't ever hear unless your playin Runescape.

The king nodded, "Though you may forge your parties on your own, I have a selection of adventurers and Knights tomorrow if you wait here a night. So I beckon you to stay a night to receive them and your War Funds."

Should I stay here? I'd like to go find Janny if I can.

"Sure, might as well see what the king has to offer."

"Stay. Maybe try ta make casual conversation."

"Stick around, immediately start knocking up the local women to practice for our coon girl orgy."

"Nah brah we gotta save it for the coons. Can't be wasting it on some random hoes."

"See what info you can find on the local coons, they must be all wacky and foreign like."

"It's a shame we had to leave them critters behind."

"Maybe these Chinese children didn't drink enough milk or somethin. Remember some trucker told us that those Chinks lack toes, which you can only get from milk. Made sense since milkmen always had extra of em."

Yeah, I agree I think I should stay. Though why do I keep thinkin about Coon Girls? I only seen dem in them weird orinental books Jimmy showed me.

"Yeah, I'm up for it Kingy." I say with a gilded smile.

The other, ahem, Asians agree with me. Ah Great Grandpa Jim would be so happy seen 'em, after he shoot them for being dirty Japs. The King points to some of them fancy dressed fellows, sayin they'll show us to our rooms.

We start to walk somewhere, so I make my way to the fellow with the big stick. I think it was called a spear, "Hey there Moto, how's it goin?"

"Hm?" The boi looked a little uncomfortable, "Oh I'm doing fine. Its like we are in a VRMMO."

"VR-wha? Is it like dem nentendos the kids always play?"

"Y-yeah. Those." He scurried off to where the Bow Boi was standin.

'Em fancy bois showed us to a fancy room. They got a nice steamin batch of meat waitin for us as we walk in.

"We will be back to pick you all up tomorrow. For day, Heroes, you should rest up and strategize."

I was bout to walk in, till I felt something kick my tummy. Oh Lord, Granny Smith's Chili from the Boi's LAN party is kickin in!

I quickly went to shit meself in their shitter. Damn thing was nice.

I made it back to dem Bois talkin bout their Games. Bois never seemed to play Call of Duty or Runescape. Sissies. Foods good though.

Should I talk to them or head to somwhere. What you guys thinkin?

"Talk to those oriental people. They know how those veeare things work."

"Eat that steak lookin stuff in the middle and pile on the potatoes and butter."

"Ask that Earopean King to get you some of the maddest, meanest coons money can buy, if he thinks that a some schmuck wearing buket bits is tough he hasn't seen a proper Carolina Coon, thankfully it won't be too long till he gets to."

"Generally try to figure out some more about these fellers, maybe talk about where we're all from? And what we know about this place here, we still don't know a thing do we."

"Is this RuneScape? Maybe there's a bunch a unchristian gold farmers and scammers here too. Mention them. Thankfully, we don't speak Mexican."

"Thinking about it aren't there always those fucking Chinese hackers and gold farmers?"

Ugh, my head hurts a little. Why do I keep thinkin bout dat Coon girl army. But lookin at dat nice roast there, I should stay 'ere.

I take a seat next to dat spear boi, he lookin at me weirdly before sayin, "Hey, uh, what are you doing here?"

I coughed a little into me hand to clear de throat, "Well, I gotta ask ye somethin bout how ye bois grind in ya games."

Dem bois seem to like meh more after I got dem talkin. Grandma Folton always say, 'Good food means Good People'. I miss ol' Grandma Folton, gal died fightin a bear.

Anyway, I learn they games the bois play had different farmin tactics. A lot realllly. Even Shield Boi got into our chat as we chatted. Funny though, everyone was in a differnt world. At least the US of A is in two of dem.

"Wha ya say bout difficulty anywhozeers?"

Spear Boi Looked like he was thinkin for a second, "The game was popular, but everyone agrees the Devs were shit. They threw so much into the world we were still finding stuff under rocks when I ended up here."

I saw dat bow boi noddin, Shield boi looked a bit out of his water.

I smiled, "Well then, any you fellows know bout Coons in ya games?"

They looked at me for a second before runnin for the door, "Well its about time we head to sleep. They said just chose any room in the hallway."

With dat the two bois left. Shield boi shrugged and went out, leavin me with a eaten roast. Ders a little meat left so may-be I could get a Coon like that fellow in my head keeps wanting.

"Hopefully there are some form of dire raccoons that we can domesticate as mounts to build cavalry units."

"Go to sleep, dreaming of coons talking to us in our dreams."

"Go get some snares up, it's coon trappin time."

"Go out and test the sword."

"Get a sawed off shotgun which will give us a stupidly high proficiency because we know how to use it in real life."

"Depends. Would Jim borris, raccoon wrangler and christian man, know how to make a double barreled shotgun?"

I sure know I do! Ya chop off da barrel from a shotty!

"I have the perfect method for generating funds, one as old as the southern sunrise. Moonshine. We in dem medieval times so we don have to worry about some brass getting up in our business for making the strong stuff. By allowing our goods to be purchased with minerals we can also use tempering to strengthen our weapon."

"If we started fucking around with alchemy, we could have magical trailer meth in no time."

Ugh, I need to go get some sleep, eh? Tomorrow I get me some bucks and I can see bout gettin some Coons.

I walked to my room, though I got an ich to hit somethin, so I sliced a table. Boi the damn thing got wasted! I love this thing!

I walked into me room, throwin off all but me undies before headin to the knocker.

Next thin I know I'm in dat throne room again. Thought I was sleep walkin, but everyones here. Huh, must have forgot the mornin already.

The Kingy Guy got up with some fancy lookin people with him, "As I said before, these adventurers were handpicked to join you on your adventures. And now they will choose you."

That said, 'em people started approachin us. I watched as de got behind either the Bow or Spear guy. They all looked at one nother and then me like dey were surprise.

What? Am I too man for dem or something? What you say voices in my head, should I complain?

"Go with the spear dude but erge the shield guy with you."

"We should keep the shield boi close"

"Got a bad feeling about that kid"

"Gotta look at what he does"

"Try to see what information you can get about this weird ass country."

"He seems like one of them there godless boys with their feedoras and their Logan Pauls, but underneath that funk there is the startin of a proper man, all you have to do is steer him in the right direction."

"Guys we can't really team up with shield hero for much, we both lose all XP for fighting together."

"Complain about it so we get more money."

"When'de'fuk did this there turn into one o'them car ads where'de car picks theire rider and nut the o'ter way round?"

"Yeah?" Shield Boi said, "How come we got no one?!"

The King sighed, "My apoligise, Jim…. Shield Hero. Is there anyone who would like to join either of these heroes."

Dem Adventurs looked at each other for a momen. Poor Shield Boi was getting sad, but then I noticed a nice lookin gal come to him, "I'll join the Shield Hero's Party."

"Hey, what about Jim?" Oh such a kind soul.

I walked over to the boi and nudged him in the rib, "Don' worry bout nothin shield boi, I don need any 'em, I got big plans."

The boi's face lit. Ah it feels good to be doin the Lord's duty. I turn to the King Boi, "Ya'll seem to know a'lot more bout' this place then I dow, they aint any of those there hobitzits here or nothin right? I wanna find em."

The King seemed to think for a moment, "I understand Jim, I can give you a guide for the city so you will not get lost." He turned to everyone, "As the Sword and the Shield were not chosen by our warriors, we shall give them more War Funds. 1000 Silver for the Sword and 800 for the Shield."

I received a nice bag of jiggly coin. Oh boi, what can I buy with this.

"Seems like an awfully small budget for saving the world."

The King stood up, "Now go forth, Heroes, and save our world!"

As dem people were headin out, a scrawny guy came to me, "Hello Mr. Jim. I have been tasked with leading you through the city. Where do you wish to go first?"

Oh boi, time to head to the big city now! Watch me go Earl!

"I'd say let's grab a couple traps of the catching animal variety and not the homo shit. Maybe some leather armor that we can move around in with ease."

"Get some wood and red paint with some white clothes."

"Have we forgotten our original purpose? We got to spread the love and Jesus Christ our lord and savior. Lets at least have a few crosses to honor him if we're not going to preach!"

"We must find and buy as many coons as possible."

"Buy the materials necessary for sweet moonshine production."

"Buy a base of operation for further actions, preferably a medium sized basement."

"We will be living in a dirty hole, but that dirty hole will have all the space we need for moonshine production and coon breeding with ample opportunities for expansion."

We walked out into the bright lit world, and everythin looked like some fantasie thing. I must say it looks epic voices. I try to remember all you told me, an now I geev him me list.

He scratchin his head, "Moonshine equipment? You also want some live Monster traps I assume?"

"Yeah I taken 'em traps. I thinkin I heard dem Mooshine equipment came from 'em Al-ke-mest."

The man nodded in his understanding of my new mission, "We should also get you some armor and maybe a backup weapon. If the hero wishes to dabble in Alchemy however I will not stop him."

With that, we he'd over to this small shop shop with fancy shit all over it. The man at the table thing was old enough to be meh Grandpa, so I should respect him.

He spoke like him to, "Welcome to Apotheke, may I ask what you need?"

I told 'im I need a distiler and shit. Old guy butted in and got me the who'll shbang. I mean there was Morter an' Pestles, test tubes, and the distiller with some book I can't read.

"That will all come to 75 silver, Sword Hero."

I payed him me Silver, but as I was reachin for me stuff dat sword began to glow. I messed with it for a moment, an's the Damn thing ate my distiller!

Sword Unlocked: Distiller Sword

The old guy said I should do it for all my equipment, so I did.

Sword Unlocked: Morter and Pestile

Sword Unlocked: Test Tube Sword

New Recipes added

Swords Fused: Sword Unlocked: Apothecary's Sword

I messed with it for another moment an' it turned into me tools! I mean they look awsome all gold and shit now!

With that we headed out. We got everythin, and I threw some more shit in it. Hell, he even got meh armor.

Sword Unlocked: Animal Capturing Sword, Wood Sword, Christ Sword.

I got 700 Silver now.

"Mr. Jim. since we are carrying a lot of stuff maybe we should get you a mount and wagon." Do I? I mean, a wagon sounds nice.

"We got a mutha fookin polymorthing sword, fuck wagons!"

"Don't need one for very long so might as well just rent a really chep one for a few days to help get everything set up."

"Might as well pick up some mining tools too, there could be gold in them hills."

"See if we can eat the wagon with our sword, get increased carrying capacity or some shit. Gotta have a way to carry all our moon shine and other illicit goods."

"Get some wheels and shitty wood to build a cheap wagon too large to ever be conceivably be pulled by an animal in any practical fashion, then absorb it."

"Eh, I just need meself a nice wagon." I say with confidence, "An I'm gonna build it meself!"

The old man looked at me like I grew nana's tumor, before sighin. With that he took me to the wood place, and I got some equipment together and wood. Hell, I got some new swords too!

Sword Unlocked: Carpenter's Sword, Oak Sword (Increases Carpentry skill)

With that we headed outside. Old man said he wanted to buy us a bird thing, so I told him to fuck off.

Hehe, Now I'm back in my element. Outside in the wilderness with nothing but the clothes on me back. This sword is damn awsome though, fockin thing turns from hammer to saw almost at my thought! Hell, since I'm using it its unlocked a skill called 'Auto Carpenter' meanin I can have my sword make stuff for me!

Either way, I got me wagon. Now like the voice said, I jammed it into Swordy!

Traveler's Sword Unlocked (Increase Carry Weight)

Ahh, now I can sleep in twent for the night!

I woke up to the sounds of russlin and bussilin from town. Seems everyones up in a tissy over somethin.

Should I head over, start huntin for coons, or go farmin for mobies?

"Carpent some crosses."

"Carpent some sharpened throwing crosses to throw at those nasty critters. There is no greater weapon then the mercy of Christ."

"We Castlevania now."

"Also head over when we finish, might see a good ol' fashion mob."

"No onahole? Bros…"

I tried to make some Christian Throwing Stars, but when I went to throw one of them I felt a jolt in my arm. It was like when I pissed on Uncle Charlie's electric fence, and the next moment it was gone. Suddenly some weird red thing popped up infront of me.

You have committed a violation according to the Genora Convention. You are not allowed to equip any weapon other than the Legendary Sword.

Damn thing! You go against the will of Christ! Oh when I figure out how to fock you up…

Either way, I made me way to the town. There was a group of people listen to rishly robed guy, kind of looked like a glorified father.

He was yelling at the top of his lungs, "I hereby announce that the Shield Hero has commited Rape against one of his party members, a girl named Myne. Though he should be executed based on our laws, the King has graciously allowed him to walk free so he may fight in the waves. Be wary of the Shield Hero people of our faith, the Three Heros! He is the…"

Meh, seems like a bunch of hogwash 'em democrats always yelling about. Kid didn't seems anywhere close to cousin Wallace to fuck that girl. Heh, betcha he was still a virgin.

Seems theres no real mob, so maybe I should head out, eh? What should I do while I'm at it?

"Our lord Jesus told us to help our neighbors, we know that shield boi is vergin and innocent. We should try to locate the shield boi and figure out why somebody tried to frame a nobody like him!"

"Don know if any one has thought of this but, has anyone actually checked her hymen to see if she's been deflowered? Y'all seem to be jumpin to."

"Ask if the town doctor has done some checkin."

"Offer to do some alcamikal testin on on his gravy if they can find a sample on her meybe this magic gombldegook can find out if it's the same as a sample fresh from the tap."

You guys are fockin right! THe Good Lord always said you treat others the way YOU wanna be treated. I mean, the Fockin guy has a stupid lookin cross on 'im. He's no Holy Man!

But I need to meet with Shield Boi, get the lay of the situation! I set off!

…

Well, took me about two hours, but I caught the boi walkin his way striat to the gate. Since I see 'em, I called out, "Hey Naofuckme! Cum over 'ere!"

The boi turned to face me, "You? What the fuck do you want? Even the American wants to accuse me!" He was fumin at the mouth like a rabid Coon.

"Nah, 'ust comin to talk. I can tell ya didn' do it, you don' 'ave the fock in ya." I say happily.

He stared at me for a second, "Should I be insulted or thankful?"

"Both Naofuckme."

"Its Naofumi."

"Alrite, Naofume."

"..."

I gave a laugh at his sorry ass, "Don' worry though, you endin up like Trump and the Drive by Media. I'll pass an people 'ill know you can' fock a thin. Betch they didn' even checkin her, like that poor black fellow."

I patted him on the back in reassurance.

"Okay, you weird American. Just, okay."

Anything else I should say or do witht he boy voices in my head, or leave and do somethin else.

"Ask why he's being accused."

"As long as we keep our space when grinding there is nothing saying we can't gather every once and a while to exchange goods, I think he will be our first business partner."

"Heh, so you know why that gal would say ya raped her? Is she trying to get some of that child serport that uncle bob has to do?"

Shield Boi shook his head while makin a little distance, "I don't know why. Fuck if she was trying to get child support, that would be too stupid." The kid seemed a bit confused.

I laughed a little mor, "yu're in a situation riagiht now, and if you need anytang jus ahsk. These weird jew weapons may stop us for getting eeeeee.x.p. when we get too close, but I think you and me could get a nice little moonshine and coon breeding operation started. Maybe trade some good stuff next time we see another."

The boi loooked at me weirdly before nodding, "I guess. Just… I need to head out for now." With that the Boi walked away into de crowds.

Time to be headin out I guess Voices. Whatcha say I do then?

"Begin searching for coon dealers, they had some in the Carolinas, sure they weren't as good as yours but it at least meant your coons didn't end up like the kid that your brother had with your cousin."

"Start on the moonshine operation before we start dealing with coons. The more money we have, the more you can do with the coons."

Yeah, y'all are right! If I don' start now I'll never get me Moonshine rollin!

I made a short trip to town, got some big distiller an some ingrediants. Spen' 50 Silver, bu' I got it all! I move out of town sinc' I don' trust 'em people now. As I walkin in my natural environment (Forest), I found these funny yellow thins. Fockers came at me like little dogs!

I focked 'em up though. Somthin' said I level 2 now, but I also got a place for me operation.

I set up a small table, mix 'em wheat an' shit good. Now I gotta wait a day though, but I found 'em ballonies kept fuckin with me. So I focked 'em up! No one gonna touch my Moonshine!

Level up: Level 3

Also while I was movin aroun', I saw some nice grass. An you know, shit was dem ingrediants for me drugs! I got 'nough to make some shit if I wanna.

Medical ingredients acquired.

I was lookin though, I thinkin there might be Coon in these lands. I saw 'em's shit.

Nights comin though, what should me do?

"Go look fer varmints n critters ta kill. The state had a bounty an' open huntin year round fer killin critters like nutria rats, wild hogs, an feral turkeys. If'n we's gonna make money, we do it outta town an transport their pelts with our transport sword. This'll get us the starting money to start a proper coon breeding ranch."

"Go huntin fer stuff ta kill an eat. Can't trust no city slicker health inspectors or FDA gubmint types, only wut we manages to kill or grow our own damn self."

"Eh, either way gonna need to spend a few hours killing things to make a good place to nap anyway. Better get murdering the local wildlife and feeding portions to the sword."

Wait, you bois are 'ight! Fockin hell ya, thank the Lord! Free range killin!

I wen' a'ound killin all them bastards I could see. Ballonies for dayz. After an hour I startin seein wabbits, so I sliced 'em's head off and colllect 'ems pelts and meat. I needin to stay near me Moonshine thouh, so I didn' go too far.

Any ways, me got some new Swords!

Swords Unlocked: Balloon Sword, Usapil Sword, Game Hunter's Sword.

By the time I looked up, it was mornin. Damn I was tired, so I wen' over to me Moonshine and took a nap.

…

Seems to be Noon now, I'm roastin a nice wabbit meat. Damn things were stuffed with de shit. Already got me Moonshine proccessin an' shit. Though I tinkered with em 'Alchemist tools' to make meh some Meth. I made only 'nough for one fockin dose, but I guess wabbit nuts didn' work very well.

New Recipes: Minor Steroid (Testosterone)

Added to Invetory: Shitty Meth (One Dose), Minor Steroid (Testosterone) (Three Doses), Minor Healing Potion (Two Doses), High Quality Moonshine (Low Supply)

Meat came out better 'an expectin and Moonshine is done.

Also seems I got a Month till de 'Wave. Thinkin I can let this week go by like this if y'all wantin.

"We should really try to spend this week maximizing our industry to get excess funds for our coon breeding operation. We may even have enough extra cash lying around to upgrade our alchemy sword in order to increase production of high quality moonshine."

"Give the mayor of this town a sample of your meth. Tell him you will give him a dose a day for 2 weeks if he can get you some exotic and high quality coons for cheap, or at the very least give you some reliable contacts to find dealers."

"Cocaine was completely legal up until the mid 20th century. There is literally no consequences for bribing the mayor with meth, and thanks to our alchemy sword upgrade the quality of said meth will be much higher."

"It's literally called shitty meth, you should wait a bit before jumping the gun on building a drug/coon empire."

"Well this isn't exactly the mid 20th century. An alternate version we can call it if the meth starts generating social problems, they will probably start to regulate it."

"I think we need to make a monster truck."

...

An so I went through da week. I mainly been Workin on Killin these animals and makin more drugs. Turns out dem fisty little balls were an ingredient I could use.

Minor Berserker Poison (Supply Very Low)

I also found that addin some weird herb made me steroids go faster.

Minor Strength Potion (Low Supply)

Besides that I'd just been Killin a bunch of em wabbits and makin more shit. Cool thin is I was able to get me Moonshine up and runnin. Add in my supply of Drugs I've been making and we be going fine.

Shitty Meth, Minor Health Potion, Steroids (Testosterone), Minor Stamina Potion (Supply Low)

I've been selling moonshine in town, everyon seemin to like it. Made me some pretty change for meself.

200 Silver in profit

But now the funniest thin is happenin. As I was walkin home at night in town, some little guy dressed like a carny came to me.

He was smiling, "So you are the Sword Hero? I heard you use to breed monsters back in your world, would you wanna look at my stock?"

The Chubby guy seems little sketchy, but he's no uncle Earl. Maybe he has a Coon?

"Maybe he gots some coons?"

"IT BEGINS!"

"COON TIME BABY! YEE HAW!"

I found meself walkin with the plump man to a weird lookin tent. The man showed his hands to a bunch of places.

"On your right you can see some of our monster eggs. Its a lottery of sorts, pay 100 silver for a random monster of value. From a Ballon to a Dragon, the chances are yours."

"Mhm, but 'ere are ya Coons?" Me chipped in.

He grew a dasterly smile, "They will be this way."

He led me to a place with cages. There were a variety of monsters, many of who seemed to be small, almost childish. He showed his hand at a cage with-

"A COON!"

It was obviously young and a little more fisty, but it was definatly one.

"Yup, its called an Arisan. These guys don't get much bigger, but are in Demi-Human cities. I heard they were like Racoon Demi-Humans, and I put two and two together."

"How many you got!?"

"Only the one. Apparently Fiolas see them as a nice meal."

I grew a nice size smile. I'm gonna buy it, but you guys think I should look into anythin else.

"Might as well try the lottery. Who knows, we could get a coon maybe! Or just a monster we could kill and/or sell."

"Let's not risk it, and just get a coon."

"Lets try our hand in the lottery, we wouldn't be a proper redneck if we didn't."

"Need more. One coon girl ain't anuff fer this stud to breed a herd with."

"Yee go for the lottery."

"Let's get that onahole."

"Don't. Just don't."

"Why not?"

"Because using a coon as a onahole isn't very respecting woman of you."

"They're not women or even human, they're demihuman onaholes."

"Implying that our coongirl isn't going to be the one to initiate and force us to make her our cocksleeve onahole breeding slut."

"They aren't even humanoid, are they?"

"Alright I take it back, let's find something else to stick our dick into."

"Boss! We need moar boyz for a real propa WAAGH! BUT WE NEEDZ MOAR OF THEM COINS FOR OURZ WAAGH! WE NEED TO GET OURSELVES SQUIGS N STUFF!"

"WE NEED TO FEED THEM COONS MEAT TO MAKE EM EVEN STRONGA."

"I'll take 'er, but I likin your thinkin." I say to the man, "I wan' a try at 'em's game."

The plump man smiled, "Excellent, I will arrange for the Arisan to be taken to the Binding room. Though since you want to try at the gamble, we will go there first."

We enterin the room, and the man gave me somthin to sing. I gave it my John Hancock, and we went over to the pit.

"Pick one my Hero."

"Big bucke."

"I pick, this one!" I pick up one of them eggs in the middle.

The plump man smiled a little, "Oh, thats an interesting one. I hope it grows up nicely for you."

"Hope it does!"

We went over to the weird room he was talkin about. There was a nice size pan in the middle of the room with a person at it. The plump man had me dip a little blood into it, and then he startin painting it on both the Coon an the egg. The Coon seemed to mind, but the egg didn' do a thin.

I askeed him what the stuff was. His reply was, "That is an Enslavement Slav. With its enchantments you will be able to enforce command on both your demons you have purchased with ease."

He handed me the Coon, and she seemed fisty. The plump man just smiled before handin me the egg. Said that it'll hatch in a week an wished me luck.

I headed out with me Coon, she won' really like me yet but she'll learn

Now, what to name her and what should I do today? Its bout noon now.

"AH NU CHEEKI BREEKI! But seriously though, let's get something to eat."

"What's an appropriately named animal for a southern Christian coon breeder... any ideas?"

"Sarai? Sarah?"

"Crackers?"

"Name her Dolly. After our cousin who was known as the family bicycle"

"God bless America and this suggestion.

"Yes bless it. Granted Dolly was no cheap bicycle she was the good mountain bicycle with all the bells and whisles! Meaning in launguge we regular foke can understand she did not deal with junkies and gangsta wanabies. Some even say she regulary get used by the local senator! How else would you explan her living in 5 room apartment in hig class hood and all that fancy designer stuff? Truly she is our famillys sucsees story."

"She's a true entre-prenewer, I'd argue watching her rut was pivotal in our coon consummation corporation."

"True shes an inspiration to all. Granted while we gained inspiration from her grandpa was the one who taught us the craft. Too bad he got killed by mafia for not wanting to share his seacret for compleatly domesticatin coons, they wanted in the allmoust untaped coon market."

"Yea, was REALLY weird when dey got mad ad us fo' "Havin' mixed children wid 'coons." Ain't know what a "mis-key-generation" is."

"So when we gonna kill them jewish waves of disaster thingy?"

"Soon."

You guys are right! I'll name 'er after me star of a cousin Dolly! I watched as the little icons in me vision changed her name, which was Coon #1 to Dolly. All I could think was awsome.

We went over to a resteraunt, one of dem places I been sellin moonshine to. The bar tender looked a good bit sad I didn' brin' any, so I promise him a round of brew tomorrow.

Takin our seat an' gettin some food, I place a plate in Dolly's cage. She lookin at it for a second before pickin at it. Hmph, seems she doesn' trust me yet.

We ate mes meals an' wen' back to de forest while killin some thin's. I havin a good feelin its goin to be a good week.

Anythin I should do this week?

"Keep up the hunting and spend some gold upgrading your alchemy sword, try to train Dolly to hunt, while you are at it keep an eye out for any weird mushrooms."

"Hopefully she will live up on her namesake. World needs more bright minds that show that they can make it big."

"Also train Dolly to use a sword."

"No, train her to use a mace and shield. We have the edged damage covered we need to cover our open areas."

"Better yet, train her to use the crosses we made and have a sneaky Cristian coon ninja."

...

An so another week of me fightin went by. I kept on huntin, usin me Alchemy Sword to improve it. I mustin say, its goin funky now. It said these damn these:

Alchemy Sword III Unlocked: Ability Unlocked: Summon Potion Sword Unlocked: Demon Trainer Sword

It was kind of funny when I use it. If I called forward that poison, it stole it from me pouch. Certainly focked the badgers I was killin.

In other news, Dolly has been growin nicely. She the size of a dog, which means she can carry a sword. It funny how she holds it in her mouth. Heh. maybe I'll get her a few of me star latter.

Besides em I got some funky potions with some shrooms me new sword!

Minor Hullucingin (Impairment) Shitty Meth raised to Shitty Meth Minor Speed Potion

Me Moonshine has been a hit! I've got bout 1000 Silver ever since me sword went into level two. I gotta say it was awsome!

As I was makin a new batch of Moonshine I felt a tug at me leg. Lookin down, I saw Dolly with a confused look on 'er face.

"Yah, what is it dear?"

She seemed to look angry at me before pointin over at de ol' egg, a massive crack righ through it. With a skip I ran over an watch me new boi hatch. Walkin over, I see a head popin out. Its a dog's, a cute lookin one.

Guy had jet black fur and an angry lookin face, but what breed was that?

I thinkin he lookin like one of dem Chinese dogs that get huge. As soon as the guy broke from egg he lookin at me with shinnin eyes. He walked little ways over, and gave me a liken. Dolly hissed at him a little as she was on me shoulder, but after a little pettin both she seem to give into the boy.

Now, what should I name me little ball of fluff?

"Cliff."

"Cliff, the same as ol' grampa, 'ats gonna be ya name."

"Arf arf"

The dog was happy as heck after recivin his name. Dolly in de other hand only wimpered a little at the boi's happiness.

I picked her up, barely I must admit, and scruntched her chunky cheeks, "Don' you thinkin I forgot 'bout ya, Dolly!"

She seemin to relax a little at that, she bein easy to please recently. But damn she gettin bigger and bigger.

Anythin I should do before we doin next time skippy! We got two week left an I'm level 16!

"Look for stronger better enemies to beat up and train our coon also try to capture more coons."

"Finally train dolly in the art of cross shuriken throwin' dolly's gonna be a christian raccoon ninja!"

I'll be doin that me voice in the head.

Anyone else got somethin you wan' me to do for the week?

"Let's get something that can pull our wagon or else we're going to have to pull it ourselves."

"Also lets train with our sword so we don't fuck up during the waves."

"We gotta ta find someone who knows how ta sword fight. Bonus points if they can teach us to do it while plastered off our pretty fuckin ass!"

You guys are right! I just been swingin me sword around lik' some machiete, I needin to learn de arts of swordsmansheep. So I wen' to dem castle to see who I can fin'.

"Oh, its you again." I found me the ol' man who showin me aroun' earlier. He been lookin at somethin in the glass when me found him, "And you've got a few companions too."

"Mhmm! Meet Dolly the Coon an' Cliff de Dog." Dolly stood uprigh' like a human, lookin all proper while Cliff gave a bark, "Now then, can ya tell me where me could fine some swordsperson."

He lookin at me like I say somethin funny, "You require training? Hmm…" He be thinkin a momen before nodding, "Well I would need to pull some strings and see if I can find maybe a retired adventurer willing to teach you. It will take maybe a week to find someone, which I don't know if we have."

I gave 'im a shrugg, "I don' mind. Any is good to de voices."

"Right…" He lookin thoughtful for a moment, "Well we were going to have you go next week, but you see we have a mission for you."

He pull out de map with of dis country, pointin to a small place in to de south, "You see we have gotten word that there is a Dragon down there whos causing the locals trouble. It would be a boon to your prestige to slay a Dragon and maybe something for your sword."

Should I take it voices in me head?

"Yeah, we'd can kill the dragon after a bit of training. Maybe have that shield kid tag along and split the loot though. We don't have much help t-start with."

"Hmm, alright ol' man I'll do it."

"Excellent!" The Ol' man seem to have years takin from his face, "I'll be sure to tell the King you are on your way!" He ran of, leavin me de map. I grabbed it, an made me way to that pet shop. Place should have some harnesses for Dolly!

As I was walkin, I caught sight of Shield Boi. He was showin some cashier somthin in his cloak, and since you suggested it I made me way over to 'em.

"Shield Boi! Ya doin' a'right?"

He turnin over to me in suprise, "Oh, its the American, and you got some pets?"

"Hehe, this here is Dolly the Coon an' the one on 'er head is Cliff the Dog." Dolly stood herself like them fancy statues while Cliff just gave a bark.

I saw the boi's eyes light up for a secon', "These are your… pets?"

"Yup," I say with a good cheer, "Got em from the pet shop. Actually, I'm on me way! You wanna go?"

He seemin thought for a secon' before noddin, "Actually, yeah. They help you fight don't they?"

"Hehe, yup! I train good ol' Dolly with a sword!" I grabbed one and threw it to her, the girl grabbin it in her mouth.

Huh, I didn' see a smile like that besides when Uncle Charlie ran from the cops, "Lead the way."

…

We walkin into de pet shop, the chubby man lookin at us with a spark in 'is eye, "Ah, welcome back Sword Hero, and you brought the Shield Hero of all people." He walk up to the Boi, "I've heard about you from all the local Merchants. You are living up to the name."

"I'm just here for a Pet. Something that can fight for me while I defend."

The man grew a spark in 'is eye, "Is that so?" He lookin over at me before noddin, "Sure, I think we can come to some arrangment. Though, I think I have something better than a mere monster and within your tiny budget."

We lookin at one 'nother, I just give 'em a shrug. The Chubby Man took that and took us into the back, and man does it smell like Daniel's shitty cattle barn in here!

'ere are a bunch more 'nimals in 'ere. Soon dough I saw somethin in the cage, a Werewolf!

"We trade in slaves as well as Demons. I was thinking you two might be interested in Demi-Humans, people with animal like characteristics."

I couldn' hold meself, "Are there Coons!?"

"Yes there are, one in my stock. She is right over here."

He took us to dees cages an brough out a weak lookin girl. She had ears that seem kind of like a Coon, but I say they lookin more like a bear's. She stood 'ere for a momen before he open his mouth.

"This girl is of the Racoon Demi-Human Race. She-"

"How much you want for her." To me suprise, Shield Boi asked de question without a secon' guess.

The plump man smiled, "For the Heroes, she costs 30 silver at the start."

I could feel a stare comin from somwhere. It seemin lookin at de girl like she wanted to kill 'er for some reason.

Eh, she isn't really my kin of Coon but its a girl Coon. I thin' she is one of em Orinetal Coons, so should I get 'er or wah?

"Ow helathee i's shee?"

"She is sick as you can see, but this girl does not have anything terminal nor any STDs if you were wonderin. I say a little care by you heroes and she will easily recover." 'is smile never left 'is face.

"Oh," He realiz he forgoten something, "She suffers from night terrors. Mostly its just a scream and then shes done."

"She de onlee 'coon yu haz?"

"You know Sword hero," The plump man starin, "I didn't think you would bring the Shield with you. I'm just giving you two a chance to chat about it."

I lookin over at the Shield, an he's kneelin tryin to study the girl. I got a good feelin he'd take good care of 'er.

"We love our 'coons! Coonies never say die! Take her. Or ask naofuckme to take her since he's probably an oriental expert"

"We should let the Shield Hero take her."

"Coin flip. Since he ain't got no coon girls we might as well check his lottery again. One of dem Chocopo lookin birds would be pretty nifty to haul all of our stuff."

"Buy a higher level monester slave for the explicit purpose of absorbing it into our sword."

"This could be good. Imagine getting a high level ability before even making the trip towards the dragons area."

"If you really wan' her Shield Boi, you can 'ave her."

The Boi looked up to me from his kneelin, "Yeah, she just seems like she will do."

"On 'at," I turn to the Plump Man, "You got anythin' within 500 silver? Somethin ready for slaughterin?"

"Slaughter?" De Plump man lookin at me weird, "So you want something you can kill? Well let me see what I have."

"Gib powerful daemon."

"Hehehe," The man gave us a dark chuckle, "You know I have come into contact with something very valuable."

We walkin through the place, till we saw a chest. Damn thin seemin little odd though as it were covern in seals.

"Hehehe, you see I recently came across something very valuable my fair heroes." He tappin the box, "Within this box is a fragment of the Dragon Emperor, something that all Dragons fight for."

He brought it out an pointed at the paper, shit lookin like it was gonna fall off soon, "You see, I got this when a Magi blew up his old workshop, this thing is the only piece that was left. My issue is these seals were made by a powerful Magi, I can not replace them. And if they break, Dragons from miles away will come to Castle Town to get it."

An then he pointen at me, "For 10 Gold, I'll let you have this. I need to get rid of it and theres not really anyone who can take it, heh, not even the royalty."

Do I take it, sounds verrrry important.

"HELL YEAH ABSORB THE FUCKIN THANG. We gots plenty of moonshine and meth to sell. In fact, we should see if this man is willing to try our stimulants. Offer him some meth for free as a sampler. Imagine, if we get some dragon powers, we could start a harem of dragon girls to supplement our coon girl breeding."

"Bargain, 4 gold."

"Absorb it. Waifu Tohru and Quetzlcoatl incoming."

"I'm gonna take that off your's hands Plump Man."

He seemin to wipe his forehead, "Perfect, I don't need to be the reason Dragons come to Castle Town."

I gave 'im me Silver, and he gave me de chest. After a little me and Shield Boi finished the rituals and we even got some of dat Slave Slav for ourselves at the Boi's request.

Sword Unlocked: Slave Sword, Demon Tamer Sword II

I gave me chest to Dolly with cut Cliff ridin on top of it. I turn to the boi as we headin out, "Seems you gonna have ya hand's full. Was thinkin we go Dragon huntin but ya need ta take good care of de Coon Girl an we be fine."

He noddin, "Yeah, hopefully I can get her into shape fast. Waves are for another two weeks right?"

"Yup, ta join ya in the fightin. Slay a Dragon and then I gonna see a master of de Sword." I stick out me hand, "Take care of yaself and de girl. I'm countin on ya."

Shield Boi noddin to that little shakily before grabbin me hand warilly, "I guess we will see eachother later, uh, Jim."

"Ay, Naofumi."

An with that we headed out. When we got out of de city, I grabbed me Core and stuffed it into me sword quickly.

All Dragon Series Swords Unlocked

Do I needin get anythin else before I leavin?

"Upgrade our armor, and get some nice fancy restaurant food for our Coongirl and Doggo. Sell and trade meth and moonshine if we need some money to afford our better gear and nice food for our pets."

"Find some armor for Dolly and Cliff. We need to make sure they don't die."

"Also fishing gear thinking on visiting some lake or river after dragon hunting."

"We nees our goddamn all American war-cry for the fight. I say we shout "Tora, Tora, Tora" as soon as the battle commences."

"No not tora tora lets go "DEUS VULT!" We have the christ/deus vult sword afterall."

Well I can lookin into gettin armor for me pets, but I don know if de are done growin yet. Hell, Cliff was just born so he'll be growin just like Dolly I bettin. Though I course I needin armor.

Acquired Equipped: Chain Shirt

So with tha I barelin have money left. I did grab som pouches for good ol' Dolly to carry some thins and I can too, meanin we can carry everthin but me moonshinin distiller. At such a sad note, I hid it in some bushes.

An so I was off to the wide world like Jake when 'e said 'e was gonna go to college.

Anythin I should do on de way over?

"Grab any good lookin ingredients we see and take note of any new wildlif."

"I spy with me eye somthin brown."

I hear Dolly groanin as she point to one of them trees. Heh, bout lit up me day as I saw 'er learnin a bit of 'uman.

"Voices told me to play this ya know. Voices havn' been wrong."

Cliff gave a bark and I patted his head. Dolly seems to have adopted 'uman Sally's personality but Cliff is just fun.

I've been collecting some shit on de way. Seemin I got enough for a new drug.

Minor Speed Potion Unlocked

As we been walkin somethin was infront of us. It was a weird looking bird, kind of like them Australian bird. After a momen' three more come.

Level 15 Adult Wild Fiola

They were lickin their lips at Dolly! Dem fuckers wanna eat her!

"Capture one of them, kill the rest."

"The bird must pay for thinking Dolly food."

Well these fockin bustards gonna try an eat my dear Dolly! I'm not gonna capture em I'm gonna kill em good!

"[Flamin Sword Strike]!"

I threw out a blade of me fire, them birds quick to dodge eet. Luckily de fire was fast, setting on of em ablaze like Papa's bonfires.

An then something weird happen, de bird on fire glowing for a momen before a burstin flash of wind blew the fire away. Damn beasten was black as Uncle Johnny but didn' look healthin.

De other two wen after me, both striken me in de back an dn it hurten!

Heh, but ey didn' expect ol' Dolly. When they hitting me, she snuck up in a second and stabbed one of em in the back, Killin it.

Dem healthy bird took second to look, an then chose to run in the other direction! The other gotten up and was running too!

Should I run the damn bird down!?

"Nah just try finish off the injured while its sill relativly close by if it gets away no bigie mesage was sent. (The mesage being dont fuck with is)"

"Too much trouble."

"[Flamin Sword Strike]!"

Me threw 'nother at the damn birds, but damn them bastards could run. I hear Dolly givin a happy squeak while Cliff suddenly grew twice his size. Heh, animals are weird here, all of 'em.

…

An so we made it to de town. Lookin aroun there wasn' much. Dough the animals we were comin in on were weird, they didn' seem much worse 'an Dolly with their weird scale like hides.

Walkin into town I notin a few homes, nothin much in the manner of destruction. I mean, wasn' there some dragon comin through here? 'Ere should have been some shit burnt up.

As I was walkin in some person call to me, "Hey! Are you the Sword Hero!"

"Ye, thats me. You folk havin a dragon problem?"

He noddin to me, "Yeah, fucker fucked Jame's wife while she was in the pond cleaning herself."

"Huh? You sayin a dragon can fuck a 'uman?"

The man just laugh, "If you want the whole story you need to see James and his wife. They are the Village leaders over in the north part."

I noddin to 'im, "An where is de Dragon?"

He pointen to the near mountain, "He's over there. Damn Dragons can't control their fuckin Lust."

I gave a noddin, "Thank ya, and your name?"

"Darius my friend."

Well, should I 'ead up an kill the dragon?

"Sounds like it needs to be fixed. That's a really easy problem to solve."

"Go meet James and his wife, then go meet with the dragon."

Takin that there might be a story in this, I'm gonna check it out.

I made my way to this nice quant lookin place with little windows. Much nicer than what I been livin in the past week.

Knockin on the door I was greetin by this buff lookin fellow. He lookin like some lizard, he even had dem weird lookin eyes. After tellin him why I was 'ere he welcome me in.

He had me sittin down as he gotten the couple. Lookin aroun' I can see a bunch of things, like fancy lookin artifacts and what seemin to be a suite of armor. Takin me time I hear 'em comin to the room.

The man was lookin to be bout 40, though his wife was lookin to be 25, maybe even 20. Her belly was gettin big, obvious she was a soon to be mother. Though I must'n say she is still fine lookin for a girl becomin a mother.

"I thank you for coming, Sword Hero." The husband startin, "That Dragon has caused some trouble for us as you probably heard."

"Yeah, I been hearin." I startin sayin, "So I take it the Miss's child's the Dragon's?"

He nodded solemnly, "Yes, sadly. You see it was about 8 months ago when I was away that she was raped by the beast. Though if you have any questions about it please talk to her."

I turn to the gal as she spoke, "Yes… It was a… something. I want the Dragon to be punished for having his way with me."

"How th' fuck can an oversized lizard fuck a tiny human without killin' them?"

"You see." The lady began, "They are capable of Polymorphing themselves into anything. He simply made himself smaller, and had his way."

"Is the husband a lizard person... is he one of them Zuckerberg people?"

Husband lookin pretty 'uman Voice in me head. I thin' dat was their slave.

"Slave huh, reminds me of those damn illkgals coming from the border and sellin people n all, shittin up the country with their low quality drugs n sellin slaves filled with stds."

The lady talkin now, "Well, I think that is enough Sword Hero. I hope you can slay the Bastard for such an act."

An with that they led me out of the house in a gods forsaken haste. Huh, she seemin be in a little rush I say but hey, she did get raped like step sister Angel and Charlie.

Movin me way out there seems to be a few places. Theres a nice lookin shop that seemin to be a Pharmacy. Besides that, good ol' Darius is workin in da fields its lookin.

Well, should I head out and slay the Dragon?

"Hell yeh we gotta slay that dragon we may be a meth making coon breeding criminal, but we are a GOOD meth making coon breeding criminal. (Is there a difference?)"

"Head on over to the dragon and see what's up."

"Get some mariwana, imagine potmeth."

"What about PotMethMoonshine?"

I made me way up de mountain. Damn thing was fillin to the brim with damn tress and animals. I mean, damn its like Aunt Nancy an' her garden.

As we were walkin up I notice somethin flyin in the air. It was large and scary lookin, but for some reason I didn' go runnin like I think I should. Instead I stood there waitin for it to land so I can hit it.

It did, and it was lookin kind of annoyed, "Why have you come here human!? Why have you dared appraoched my Domain!?"

"I've been heariin that ya raped a gal. What you gotta say in ya defence?"

"What the fuck are you talking about Mortal! You dare mock me!" He threw a gust at wind at us before flyin up again.

Seems he's wanning to fight. What should I do?

"Activate Dragon Sword and go to town on this fucker."

"If posible (thats a big if) refrain from killing blow lets see if he will be more talketive beaten up…"

"Nah, kill him. We need XP."

"Fus ro dah shout at Alduin and one tap him with our Dragon sword."

"Just beat the shit out of him till he listens."

"Nah, kill him. Dragon supports the worst fetish, NTR. He dies."

"Turn his scales into meth!"

"Well, I was thinking to make it into lightweight armor for ourself, our pets, and our future coongirl waifus, but sure meth is ok I guess. No backwoods RedneckRigging up armor."

"What if the dragon actually didnt rape the wife? It seems he felt insulted that you accused him of it not his right to actually have his way with the girl. Also their slave is lizard man (or some other lizard thing). Meaning she could be cheating on her husband and she got pregers."

"We should definitely expose the affair. We're about to fight a damn dragon because Lizardslave and wifey can't keep from fucking each other. Let husband know, and get an even bigger reward. Plus maybe get XP from killing lizardman too."

"Easy test too. If he's a slave holder of the crest can just order for an answer."

"Yep. Expose the lie and the affair. Also get xp and crafting material for slaying a dragon. Win win situation for us."

"Id rather not just kill him if hes not actualy guilty of rape. Thats just sutch a scumbag move."

Ya, thinkin I think I gree with ya guys that da wife is blamin this guy. Heh, reminds me of Aunt Judy an Uncle Charlie's realtion. Willin to figure out what we gonna do with 'im later but fer now I'm gonna attasck him.

Since he too far away I change to de Dragon Sword an start throwin Fire Blades at em. Damn he fast though, dodgin every attack with numble ability.

After a minute of this game, he switchin up his game an startin to pump balls of fire at us. Dem flamin balls of fire are scary, but me an Dolly dodge em with ease.

Damn dis gettin annoyin. We keep on missin each other with large attacks of fire, "You gonna come down 'ere and fight ya git! You fuckin git can' hit a barn!"

"YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT HUMAN!"

And he went in for a dive bomb at meh. I throw some more flame sword at him and he flamin me. He hittin the ground hard, but gettin up just fine as he swipes at meh. I dodge and finally scratch his scally hide.

"Hypnotize him."

I like your idea, how am I gonna go it?

"With the power of the holy spirit ye can do anything. Just gather it up within ye , say jabba jabba jee, then give em de mesmer eye!"

"Throw a halucenation\moonshione (or whatever) potion or somthing along those lines that can help disable or pacify him to Dolly. Try to give her an opening to to deliver it with her stealth. After that pop a steroid to to jelp fliping him. After that lets have a real talk."

"As for how we creaye opening... Sword cage should give a secound."

"Sword cage while dodging and taunting the dragons parentage, giving time for Dolly and Cliff to jump on the dragons back and start biting and stabbing."

"Your mama was a rooster an ya father smellin of moonshine ya got!"

"YOU HUMAN WILL REGRET THAT INSULT!"

He came at me with 'is Jaws wide open to eating me. Before he chompin me though I activating the first part of me trap!

"[Minor Sword Prison]"

Suddenly a bunch of swords came fallen from de sky, wrapin around 'im like an one of dem Chinese shows. It only took one hit from em, but Dolly didn' need much longer.

She was on 'is back with Cliff and both of em stabbed into the Dragon. They flew off in a momen', but I already got prepared!

"[Infect Sword: Moonshine!]"

I already pump meself with steroids, feelin the stuff in me veins. Next momen' I ran up to 'im and stabbed his exposed neck!

He lettin out a massive roar as I was flung back. Though when he try to bitten me he was much slower, me Moonshine was already legendary!

He looking weaken but not put yet. Whatcha wan' me to do?

"Delaying tactics lets give moonshine time to work. (If oportunity presents itself go for limbs or aply more booze)"

"Lets just kill the thing and take its scales, claws, horns etc."

"Beat it into unconsciousness maybe it'll chill out and it'll give us sum breahin spess."

"Give him some meth to weaken his mind for the hypnotism!"

I kept on attackin the Dragon for a while.

He 'ould go in for a swin' at me, I duck to the side while Dolly and Cliff would go in for de shoulder or his loins. When he be movin to hit 'im, I stabbin him with more of me moonshine

"[Infect Blade: Moonshine]! You gettin drunk yet ya damn Dragon!"

I landin a stab in 'is arm this time, the Dragon gettin so drunk me attacks causin him to start and fall down.

"I'll… youuuuu… get… 'uman…"

Damn, he be gettin so drunk he not be talkin strait.

After momen' he startin to shift over for a momen', lookin like he was tryin to standin up before fallin. Takin the chance, I wen't in and kicked 'im in the top, causin' the Dragon to fall over to 'is back. In dat momen' the Dragon seemin to stop 'is fightin as he just layin there.

He could point strait, but he was tryin to point at me, "Huuuumaaan. Fuuuucckkk yoooouuuuuu."

He seemin to be down now, and drunk to boot!

"Interigate the shit out of him. Also ask him if he wants to buy some of our moonshine while we're at it."

"Ask him if he can really polymorph, kid he screw that woman and ask if he has any treasure."

"Well since you're drunk you wanna answer a few questions?"

"PPfff, Ieee got a few for youuuuu mortal." The damn lizar' said lazily, "You fockin come to my home to challenge meeeee, GALLLIIION! Whyyyyyyyy~?"

I shrugged, "Well, you see some gal said ya raped em'."

"Pffffff, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA HGH!" He seemin to have trouble laughin, "Meeee? Gallion rapin a human woman? HA! I learned that lesson two hundred years ago when my half-bred daughter came in trying to take my loooooot an my life~."

Me made sure I got some paper, always good to be gettin black mail on people, "Please, tellin me more."

"Pff, her mother was the most beautiful mortal I ever met, weeeelllll except me daughter Wyndia, fufufu." He lookin over to me, "I didn't understand mortals desires for… big tracts of land till I met her's."

"Ehhehehe." Oh this gonna be fun, "Go on."

"Well, one thing led to 'nother and I ended up fucking her. Sadly the Dragon Emperor was then kieeellllled and I needed to leave. Turnin out I left tooo long an' me Daughter was wantin to kill me for 'er, uh, 'Alimony' I think she was callin it. At knife point too."

"Heh, I remember Uncle Donald goin through that. It was nasty stuff."

"You tellin me. Since she was threatenin me horde an' me village. Had to kill her." He pausin for a moment, "Thats why I neeeeed to take care of Wyndia and keep looters like ya away. Can you just leave me in peace?"

"Ehehehe, soundin you got around for a while. Any other stories."

"Heh, you are asking a Dragon. Beings who can became anything or anyone at will, aaaaaannnnnd thats not even our mating season." An I began to get more Blackin Mail, learnin his affairs with animals, where 'is lair is, an lots about his little girl. Hes talkin bout 'er like Uncle Earl an me Cousin.

Well, seemin the lady was lyin to me, an the Dragon is nice. Whatcha wanna have me do?

"Start shilling the hell out of our Moonshine and let'em know that he should git on back home before 'is other kid gits too werried."

"Before we start shilling, ask him if there's other nasty critters in the area that we can hunt the fuck out of."

"Let's try and get him to allow us to take his daughter as a companion "

"Okay, I havin some more questions. One, mind if I go killin some 'em critters round here?"

"Pff, go on ahead. I don't care."

"Can I take you Dau-"

"NO!"

Well sorry voice he doesn' like puttin his daighter up for sale like Uncle Charlie.

"Now back to shilling moonshine and thinking about the potential of Meth-Moonshine."

"It's easier to sell booze to someone who's already shitfaced drunk. This is the perfect time for shilling your business."

"Well, back to the Moonshinin Business. Ya know, if you wan' some more I can give it to ya."

"Fufufu," The Dragon grew a little smile, "Seems they didn' summon murderous idiots after all. Thouuuugh, why you got an Emperor Dragon Core with you?"

"Found eit."

"I'll come for it sooome point. You beatin me though is fuckin stupid ya know, who though ya woul' poisen me. Next tim' you're not gonna cheat."

"Heh, then I'll see this stuff to ya instead. HOw bout it."

"Hmmm." The Dragon thinkin bout it for a second, "You know, fuck you. You're gonna make me a bad father at this rate."

"Ha, well I'm gonna run den. I'll just leave ya this little drink for ya." An we were off.

SOOOO, what am I gonna do bout that little adultry problem?

"Say the problems taken care of. As a reward you just want to ask couple of uncomfartable and posibly racist questions to lizardd man because he intrests us. Could they make it that he answers truthfully to mah qiestions with that fancy seal?"

"Give a bottle of moonshine to husband just in case. (Hes hearinh some shit soon best be prepered.)"

"The slave has a slave crest. Tell the husband to ask the slave point blank who the father of wife's child is. The slave will be forced to answer."

So I made me way to the poor guy's house an knockin on the door. Waitin there for a momen' the door was open up by that lizard man.

"Step aside scaly boi, before I flip ya over."

He seemin to take it in stride, movin aside for meh. I was walkin in as de man rounded up the people of the house. I can see the Wife with a devilish smile an' the man lookin worn.

I began, "Sir, I wen' over to the dragon an found he fuckin hates to rape humans."

THe man tilted his head, "What? I thought he was a Dragon?"

"Well you seein this entire mess was cause be sumthin else. If you could, please have ya always tell the truth."

The man nodded cautiously and did so, I also stuffed his hands with some Moonshine.

"Well Scally, lets ask this once an' for all, that child's yours isn't it."

The lizard stared for a momen' before noddin slowly in shame, "It… is. I did so when Mrs. Adoltury requested it. I… only needed a taste to prime my urges."

"YOU BASTARD!" Both the couple screamin at eachother now, but I quickly movin the lady to de side an' drew me sword.

"No needin to fight, since she'll die soon 'nyways."

The old man steppin back while the lady spoke, "W-what do you mean!?"

"Well, ya almost got a thinkin Dragon with a kid of all thins killed. Addin adultry I thinking the old timie thin was execution."

In that momen the lizardman tryd to attack meh, but he was restrained by dem slave things.

The ol' man looking at them noddin, "You can chose their punishment Hero-sama. Codon, the lizard man is of high level and my wife betrayed my trust. Just… don't do it here."

And he walkin off with me bottle.

Well, whatcha say the punishmen' is.

"So their more usefull alive than dead... So slavery to sword for 10 years? Set up as helpers in your future coon farm and potion berewing for wife (only after babys birth naturaly) and lizard man... Set up as a helper in gathering ingreadients (pasive flow ho!) and party ocosioanly party member."

"All the more reason to send him out huntin gathering a constant fllow of high Lvl (40 - 50 if he wants to be safeish in his lvl I asume) reagents for absorption and potions will be more worth it than quick 15 lvls in long run. Plus the guy probably has somthing in his past as I dont see why the didnt send him otherwise."

"Well, I've been thinkin it over an come to a conclusion," The two were lookin at me, baitin every word I 'as sayin, "You two are gonna become me slaves. Hard Laborin in me herb growin operations!"

The Lizard man was lookin relieved at me judgement, but de wife was lookin like she was gonna run for 'er life. Before she could run, Dolly 'ad already gotten behind 'er with a sword.

"Com'on now ya'll, time to get me some Slavin Slav."

We martchin the way out, village folk watchin as we takin the two criminals to dem pet seller. He had some of dat slave slav.

…

We been walkin for a day, an now we needin to rest. I alreadin startin a fire with wood and Moonshine, the two soon to be slaves sittin down. De wife didn' lookin good, but the Lizardman seemin he wantin to say somethin.

"Whatcha want Scally?"

"... Thank you for not executing me nor my unborn child."

"Well, you gonna work for it all. Dunno what we gonna do with the kid though, we'll get there when we do."

He gave a nod, understandin that we can' really do anythin now.

…

"AGH!"

A scream came from the lady as the Pet Store Owner was applyin the Slave Slav. It costin 20 Silver a person, but it been goin pretty well.

I sawin two new tabs, each for Codon the Lizardman an' Karin. Seemin her last nam' was remove thanks to 'er man divorcin her.

"My my," The Pet Merchant came to me, "I did not think you would come to me looking to make slaves. I heard you were off to slay a Dragon, how did that go?"

"Didn' slay no Dragon, guy was a dad lookin after 'is little girl."

"Interesting. Well we are about done applying the Slave Slav, is there anything else you wanted?" Or there anythin I needin to pick up in town before we setting everythin else in motion?

"Fishing rod and suplies for Dolly. Other than that wisit blacksmith or somthing buy some difrent small ingots or chunks of ore to absorb in sword. Oh and some basic living suplies for them slaves like bed rolls and stuff."

"Why fishing gear? Add on visit to butchers get some nails and horns that he would have goten rid off to absorb.[Horn, Claw and Talon swords... Maybe bone]"

"Racoons naturaly fish and crack river clams so geting her equipment to fish isnt so ridicilous."

"Lets get that slave lotto. if he still haves them."

So I'm comin back from me town trip with two more slaves, some fishin Equipment, an 3 rounds of Slave Slav when that Karin gal saw me place.

"What the fuck is this place!?"

I had to laugh a little at 'er, "Thats 'ere I'll be livin, ya be in me tent till ya can get a place for yaself built."

She was lookin mortified, if I was someone else I bet I woulda loved seen a gal like this. For now though I wen' over and brought out some sticks an cloth, "'ere ya go! Ya can get ya tent made. Scally, can ya get us all some food in de river?"

The lizardman noddin to me, "Yes I can, Master. Though may I work on getting my mistress's tent made first."

I though bout it a little longer, "Sure, ya don' want 'er child to die yet."

"I thank you Master." An he went off to the lady, takin the stuff up and makin their tent.

Takin a little of the Slav, I unlockin me next Sword witch was Slave Sword II an Demon Trainer Sword II. Now dat is done, we needin to prepare soon though.

In three days the Wave is gonna 'it. What should I do to prepare?

"Get swole."

"Focus on Manufactoring Steroids and Pills. Focus on Leveling up. We can handle this on our own, all we have to do is focus on getting ready."

"Try and find shield boy."

For the first day I needin to start level up! So I startin to work mainly on that.

Fightin to day went on pretty well. Since most the monsters round 'ere were low level, I was able to kill a good amount of 'em. Rangin from them weird ballon things to even a big cat! It didn' get me very much, but I got a good 'mount.

With that I was hittin level 21, Dolly finally breakin level 15 an Cliff was hittin level 8.

….

Ah, thats some good meat. I was able to finish a round of supper for us all, an Cliff was 'ere with me. Though I'm lookin around, an I don' see Dolly anywhere. Well, thats what I was thinkin before I heard a light boom comin form behind some trees.

Me an cliff looked at one 'nother before makin our way over. What I was seein though could only be describin as… "huh?"

Lookin wher I heard the boom comin from, there was a girl. She was pretty cute, an she had a real pair of raccon ears an tail. Nothin 'gainst the one Shield Boi got but she wasn' no Coon.

She lookin up at me for a momen, "M-master! W-what happened to me!?"

"Dolly?"

She slowly noddin her head, "Y-yes, Mr. Jim. W-why am I human!?"

"I dunno Dolly. But I got some grub ready."

She made a weird face, "I was…Guh, fine I want some food." She walkin past me goin for the grub, naked as the day she was born. May God help us all.

"Well, other than getting our new coon woman some clothes, nothing else seems to be amiss. Although this does raise the dilemma for our long-term plans. Should we have her fuck coons or demis/humans to start our army?"

"If she finds a mate among them newbies shure why would we care."

"Kick start the coon breeding operation personally with Dolly. Clearly it takes one Demi human (Dolly) and one subhuman (Jim) to produce viable raccongirl offspring. No use waitin ta get started breeding our army, Jim and Dolly need to start knockin boots now ya hear?"

"Fetch sum cloth for the little 'coon, remind ourselves to ask 'dat 'coon seller how the hells our pet became a real girl like in dat there didny mouvie with the puppet becomin a real boy. And git back to grinding kills and levellin up our moonshine makin skills."

I sat down next to her, the Coon eatin my stew with her hands liek she usually do, "Well, ya know if you are wantin any children it can definatly help buildin our-"

"W-what are you talking about!" She yellin in me ear.

"Daymn! What are ya yellin bout. Don't ya animals not care bout fuckin!?"

She lookin me in the eye tryin to indimidate me, "Does it look like I'm in heat ya idiot!"

"Sorry, sorry." Damn she was fuckin loud, "Don't ya want any cloth or somethin if ya are so artiicul-ate?"

She thought to herself for a momen', "That is what you humans always use, that would be lovely!" An' she shot me a childish, if fockin cute smile.

I shruggen for a momen, walkin over an' grabbin a cloth from me pile of stuff. Throwin it to her, I was suprise when she quickly wrapped it onto some cloak.

She movin it for a moment beofre suddenly transformin back into her Coon form. The cloak came undone an' was just layin on her. She came back to 'er 'uman form, moving the cloth so now it was just resting on her shoulder.

She movin it for a moment before smilin, "Perfect, now it won't be destroyed when I transform."

I had to scratch me eyes, since when did they add Coon morphin to Runescape. Daymn, I guess she really was Dolly. Just as smart as Dolly too.

"You know," She startin sayin, "I don't know how I became human, but this might be really good for us."

"An whatcha mean by that?"

"Well," She brought out 'er sword and twirlin it for a momen, "I can finally use this damn thing without having to bite it. You know how much it hurts my jaws holding it."

"Well, you can do ya job now."

"Hmm, yes I can. Maybe even more too." She had a little spark in 'er eye. That is lookin dangerous I thinkin.

"Well, I'm gonna turn in Dolly, you comin?"

She seemin to sigh, "Fine." She transform back inta her Coon form, her cloak flutterin for a momen before headin to me little shack. Cliff was followin 'er too.

An so I wen' in and selpt with 'em, though I'm kinda sad Dolly isn' what ya voices said she was gonna do.

Next Day, whatcha wanna do for the morning atleast?

"Teach Dolly to shoot."

"Jim you fucking moron, you immediately assumed coon breeding instinct would take over and you didn't treat her like a proper christian woman. Now she thinks you are weird and you have to start from square one."

"Get up bright and early gota go fishing. (Lets se what fish do for our pots and I have a feeling Dolly will enjoy this)"

"Gradually get closer with Dolly, like a true southern gentleman and Christian."

"Your ingnoring all the boys and the fact they themselves will have advantige of being same spiecies! (Truly our humble self is under a handicap)"

Me sword transformed into a weird combination between a fishin line and a sword. I gave Dolly da other fishin line. Dolly 'erself was in her human form, sayin "It was more dexterous than her Racoon form."

"OKay, now ya gonna need to repeat after meh." I waitin a second for her to prepare and hold the line infont of 'er, "Now bring it back, and then flick it!"

I watch as da lines went towards da river with a blop, "An now we are gonna wait."

An so we waitin, the odd lookin bobins waitin in the water for a bite.

"Ya know, its kind of weird our lines of made of metal."

Dolly shrugged, "If I remember mother was always cautious when we approached water. Could be some Demons hang out in it."

"So you're sayin some of dem funky monster might be in the water?"

Dolly gave a nod, "Yup, probably love to nibble on unsuspecting humans too."

"Huh, just like gators." She just deadpan at me for some reason, "What I'm 'ight am I?"

She suddenly had a tig at the end of 'er line, "Shit, I think I got something! Can you help!"

I ran over and grabbed 'er line, startin to bring da damn thing in. Suddenly all dat tension was lost, makin us fall on our asses. Dolly only took a momen', "Somethings coming! Kill it!"

An she was 'ight, some big lookin fish the size of me leg came out of da water. Takin me sword I sliced at the daym thin with a [Flame Blade Strike]. It fell to our 'ights, all cooked from me attack.

"Well, tim' to eat."

...

So since the mornin we left for da slaver. 'Paretnly it wasn' just Dolly with dem surprises, Cliff grew an extra head of all things. They both were actin like Cliff, cept they seemin to have when ya didn' pet both 'em at one time.

Walkin over some 'ere lookin at Dolly who just had the tarp on 'er, but it didn' seemin hostile. Odd, since I'd be fucked like Uncle Charlie if I was leadin a Loli down the streets.

We walkin into da Pet Shop, the plump lookin man instantly noticin us, "Well well, it seems the Sword has found himself a Demi-human. Are you looking for clothing for her to wear?"

Before I could say a thin, Dolly took it up, "I'm fine with that I have. We are here to figure out what I am."

"What you are?" The Plump man was obviously confuse, so Dolly transform into 'er Coon form, "Oh shit! Thats no Demi-human but a transforming Arisan." An in the next momen' his eyes grew wide, "How much you wanna sell 'er for?"

Dolly wen' back to 'er 'uman form to stare the man down so I needin to talk, "I'm just wonderin what ya sold me. Is 'er race some magic nonsense or wha?"

The man was laughin to himself, "I never heard of an Arisan turning human. I think there was an old story about Fiola Queens having that ability but… huh."

"Is there anythin you want us to do?" I ask 'im.

He turned to look at Dolly for only a momen', "I'm going to take she won't let me do anything. Such an intelligence though, I knew you were smart before." he laughed to 'imself for a momen,

"Well, it might be because of the Legendary Weapon. Maybe after this coming wave you come visit me and we can break some deals."

Anythin else you wanna grab from twon today? Maybe visit someone/the church?

"visit church, been wondering what these hethebs pray to also wisit that wird bulding with lots of people carying wepons hopefully its no mafia base."

"Weapons and armor shop, we need new armor and maybe we can copy a couple swords."

"Also buy clothes for Dolly since we don't need to get in trouble for her pubric indisinsee."

We made our way 'round the Markets pretty well. I went ahead an sold most of me's furs and some of the Moonshine to pay for thins, but the yeild came out well.

We mainly worked on gettin Dolly some clothin, but she decided to instead get a bunch of cloaks saying, "If I transform, what I'm wearing with be destroyed so cloaks are the best option."

Though that didn' stop 'er when we made it to de weapon shop. Muscular man was waiting there, an he seemin a little surprise at our approach. We enden up buying a bunch of belts and hoisters for thins from daggers to swords long with a bunch of weapons. That didn' include the numerous mount of pouches she had.

"Why ya gettin all those pouches instead of some jeans?" I decided to ask.

"It's like I said earlier, anything I wear normally would be destoryed. If I get these belts right…"

She walkin into the changing room. Two small poofs of her transforming later an she came out with a smile, "I think this all will do."

The man ran up all the numbers, and he was nice bout it all. He even gave me a discount after I mentionin Shield Boi's Coon probly enden up like mine.

An so we made our way over to the Church, and it looking like one from the outside. Though as I walk in I notice it wasn' no Christian Church, as they had all these swords, Spears, an bows everywhere.

As I was walkin forward I was greetin by a Sister, "Ah, Master of the Sword, welcome to our humble abode. Have you come to see the Hourglass?"

Me an Dolly look at one bother for a momen', "Uh, yeah I think I do."

She walked me to where this weird red and wicked lookin hourglass was, infront of it was none other than Shield Boi! An a focking sexy looking gal.

"Huh, who's da hotty Shield Boi?"

The kid turned 'round as if in fear, "What the-, American?"

"Hehe, seein ya havn' kicked the ol' bucket yet?" I had to start with, "But really, I thought I gave ya the little Coon because you were gonna care for 'er?"

"What are you talking about," The kid looked at me like I was insane, "Thats the girl we met in the Slave House, Raphtilia."

"Eh?" My eye blink for a momen' as I looked more at 'er. The girl kind of did looked like 'er, but how the fuck does a kid like her grow into… damn.

"Oh!" The gal seemed to jump from deep though, "You're the one from-" She ran up to me, "Th-thank you for letting Mr. Naofumi take me in…"

"Ahahaha!" I had to laugh at 'er, "Seems ya did well Boi, she grew up to be a fine gal for sure."

"What are you talking about? You a Lolicon?" Shield Boi said in scorn."

"What in sam's hell, I'm not Uncle Charlie, Jacob, or Edward." I said 'gainst 'im, "dis world is just gets weirder by the day I'm tellin ya."

"Hmph…" Thats all I got from the kid, "Well go to the Hourglass. Seems it gives us the time when the next happens."

"Oh, that'd be awesome!" An with that me an Dolly made our way up. Once I got close dough, I got a weird feelin. I pointed me sword right at da hourglass, a ray comin out an it shot me sword. My vision went fuzzy for a momen' and then I got a timer like thingy in my eyes. It was sayin 20:03 an countin down.

I lookin round and found Shield Boi stunted in 'is place. I look 'round 'im, an' saw both the Spear an Bow kids. To me suprise it seemin the other two were talkin to 'im.

"Damn, whos this beauty here? Shes adorable!" That came out of the Spear Kid's mouth as I was approachin.

They didn' even notice me approach as the Coon was takin up all their attnention. I could feel a tug comin from me clothin, an I can see Dolly lookin like she didn' like soemthin, "Are these people important?"

"Yup, they are like me, Heroes of the land."

"Hmm, they feel powerful but their weapons feel weaker than yours."

She was lookin up at me like I knew somethin, "Wha? They know what they're doin. Fock, they should be stronger than me now I'm thinkin bout it."

We tunin back into the conversation, "Naofumi, why are you making such a tender and precious girl fight for you!?" That came from the Spear fellow.

"Didn't I already tell you." Shield Boi grumbled.

"You're a hero for God's sake Naofumi. You shouldn't be bring girls into such dangerous places." The Spear kid said back.

Naofumi grabbed to the Coon's hand, sayin something an left.

SHould I stay 'ere with the 'ther heroes or meet up with Shield boi?

"Stay 'ere with the 'ther heroes, and ask them about leveling up. We haven't talked to them in a bit."

"Thank em for the advice about upgrading weapons. They all worked out like a turkey the day after thanksgiving."

While I 'orry for Shield Boi, I need to talk to me follow Heroes, "Yo, I need ta thank ya'll for dem weapon upgradin tips."

I received a series of thanks, but then each of them eyed one nother for some reason. I just had to shrug at 'em, "So whatcha all doin here?"

The one to speak was the Spear Kid, "We are ranking up our parties and getting ready to talk to King Melromarc. You should probably join in."

I lookin down to Dolly, she seemin to snap out of somethin as she gave me a nod, "Very well me friends, lets get goin!"

…

We ended up at a round table of sorts. At one end of da table was the King Guy, followed by me, Spear, and Bow. I had to feel bad for Shield Boi, he didn' get invited it seem. Behin' us Heroes were our parties, I mainly got a now dog size Cliff an Dolly, though I gotta say, she's lookin kind of scary since ya can't see 'er face.

Behin' the King was an Ol' man in Robes who spoke in 'is ear before the King Guy spoke, "Welcome Heroes, I have heard all of your requests were finished. It is excellent news for sure." He sure sounded jolly, "Now we are here to discuss tactics in the coming Wave, does any of the Heroes have any knowledge about the waves?"

At this Bow Kid stood up, "Yes, I do. When the Waves occured in Dimensional Wave all who signed up at the Hourglass were taken to the event. The Waves get stronger based on how many occurred in the area. Occasionally the Admins would reset the Level, though I don't know if we can expect this to happen."

The King smiled, "Thank you Itami the Bow Hero. Your contribution is appreciated."

The kid sat down with a smile on his face as the King thought about somethin, "In that case, I believe the Heroes need to eliminate the Boss as soon as possible to prevent damage. In that case, we can provide a [Scroll of Divination Flare]. Using that, we can dispatch Knights to the region with quick accuracy."

The group of Heroes looked at one 'nother seeing if any were against this.

Do I have one?

"Nah, they seem like they know what they're doin."

I lean over to see Dolly doesn' have anythin against it so I nod, "I'm fine it. Sounds like a good idea."

Spear nods, "As expected of the King, I agree with this."

Bow Kid seemin a little trouble but he soon said, "I assume the Guards will be taking care of Civilians?"

King Guy nodded, "Yes, as you Heroes are taking care of the Boss."

Bow started noddin, "Then I have no issue."

With that we were done. Spear Kid was given the paper and seemin ready to fight. Though as we were headin out the same kid called out, "Hey, uh, Jim wasn't it?"

"Yah? Whatcha need?"

The Spear Kid came to me, "Well I was just wondering who this lady next to you was. She's covered in that cloak."

I saw a small yellow eye look out of it, "My name is Dolly, I am simply Jim's… Party Member."

"Oh?" The Kid seemed to get 'imself a weird face, "Did you two do it yet?"

I had to hold in me laughin, "She only likin to sleep with me Kid. She already told me off-Ouch!" I lookin over to see a small dagger pokin me side.

"Oh," The kid suddenly got a little scarin, "Well, if you two feel like it I think we should get together tonight. I wanted to invite Itami, but he disappeared after the meeting."

"Whatcha thinkin?"

The kid Smiled, "Well we can maybe have a drink, talk a little, maybe talk about what we should do when we make it to the Boss. Whatcha say?"

Well, what should I say? I can go with 'im, maybe find the Shield Boi, or maybe me an Dolly should just drink on our own.

"Shure go drink with them."

"Good enought. Just wondering if Dolly hangs with us or do the hero parties mingle…"

"I think we should find shield. Tell him and Raphtalia that the villages will be mostly on their own because the king is having all the hero's go right after the monsters. They'll likely be better prepared to handle it if we do."

"Eh we have had some neutral/good interaction with shield so not intrested. What we havent had is actualy quality time with spear and bow."

"Sure, I got tons of drink."

…

We went over to a bar in the 'ther side of town. The place was already fockin goin at it but we went in an the Spear somehow got the party going more. I turn to see that Dolly disappeared, dough I know she's still nearby.

Me an the Spear took some seeat in da bar an startin to order drinks. We been goin at it pretty well, Spear seemin to be a good person. Just 'is group seemin a little weird, but 'ey.

"So Spear Kid, what did they 'ave ya doin?"

"Oh, you mean our quest from the King?" the kid laughin a little, "Yeah went over to some poor village. Apparently they were suffering some poor famin, but there were rumors of a super seed in some tomb."

He got up from 'is seat, which got a small group in 'is party cheerin, "I destroyed the plant guardian with a few thrusts of my spear, he didn't even stand a chance! After that I retrieved the seed from a chest and planted it in the village."

"Hmph, I only got stuck dealin with some Adultry. Guy's wife was tryin to blame a Dragon for 'er pregnancy to a Lizardman."

"Eh, that doesn't sound fun."

"Pff, I did fight the guy. Ended up gettin the Dragon drunker than hell."

"And there we go! How did you manage that!?"

I brought out me alchemist sword, "This thin keeps gettin better an better by the day I'm tellin ya."

"Your telling me Jim." Spear Kid was laughin.

"You know," I startin with the Kid, "You ever got yourself one of 'em animals?"

"Animals? No I don't have one why you ask?"

"I'm telling ya know man, dem things grow fockin wierd. Ya know that girl in da cloak?" Spear kid noddin his head, "Well she's really a full blown Coon, just she somehow is turnin into a human for some reason."

"Really!?" Spear kid seemed surprised, "Then I might get one. That sounds awesome."

An so we kept drinkin. It was kind of weird seein his party stay 'eay from us, but it didn' stop this kid from hittin on all the girl in the bar soon after. I'll be callin him Spear Stud.

Mornin came an on me lap was Dolly in 'er Cokn form, following Cliff. I think Spear Stud went somewhere, but I don' know. Well, what should I be doin now?

"Head to that building with lots of armed people coming and going."

"Go brewing refill on harder to make pots and make some basic care packiges for others just in case they need the boost."

"Lets make some healing potions and distribute half of them to dolly."

I made me way 'round town for a few hours, gettin materials an making some help packs for me fellow heroes. I threw in some Steroids, Health Potions, Pain Reliever, even some Meth just in case. Once I got em together, I made a small little box for 'em so the Bois can enjoy their products.

As I was walkin 'round town I notice a bunch of people runnin 'round grabbin weapons an stuff. They were all comin together in a nice size buildin that was near the edge of town. Since I had a few hours to kill, I went in with Dolly an Cliff.

Place was pretty active, but I was noticin a bunch of people snappin glances at me. Some gal at the desk was wavin me over so I went over.

She was a nice lookin gal, if on the older side thin's, "Welcome to the Adventurers's Lord Sword Hero. May I ask why you are here?"

"Eh, whats this 'Adventurers' Guild'?"

The gal was laughin to herself, "Well, we fight monsters and work with local people to solve problems. Right now though everyone is getting ready just in case the Waves attack our city."

"So no ones headin out to fight the Waves?"

She noddin her head, "Yes, we simply can't move this many people to where the waves might be. Instead I believe the Knights will be traveling on horseback instead."

"So your sayin they'd go to fight, its just they don' have a way there?"

The guild lady nodded her head like a headshaken hog, "Yes, it would be a great honor to go fight in the Waves! Anyone here would join."

As I was hearin 'er, I felt somethin creepin into me brain. It was weird, but I somehow knew what it was. It was simple spell that asked people to join your party. There was no limit to how many I could 'ave, just that they needed to agree.

Maybe I should try and get them to come. If so, what in god's name should I say? Or maybe I should do somthin else…

"Try to sell them the idea."

"Well, Nao will have help it seems if we can bring a cities worth of adventurers to the wave."

If people wanna fight, what am I to stop 'em. Ehehe, why don' I enable it?

I jumped onto the table of the lady, causin the gall to back up in surprise. I grew a shit eatin grin as I summoned my sword to my hand. I took in a breath, AND STARTED YELLIN!, "Attnetion y'all who wanna fight, LISTEN UP!"

With me voice boomin, they started lookin at me with attention, "I'm the hero of the fockin Sword, Jim Borris Jr., an y'all know I'm going to be fightin the wave. Well, who 'eres wantin to fight in it too?"

Seemin suprised, not one of em raised thier hand. I noticed someone though, Dolly of all people, raisin her hand among them and yelled in agreement. Suddenly, the crowds started eruptin in thunderous roar of rage and readiness.

"Y'all seem willin, but you didn' have a chance to go at 'em bastards. Bastards were always too fockin far away. Ya had to camp in this damn town just because the damn King told ya too." Seein as I got everyone's attnetion, I changerd me sword to the [Crusader Sword, "Well I'm 'ere to tell ya, in the name of my lord guides me, that I can fuckin take you there!"

The entire place seemed to roar in cheer and fockin might. Oh how it was swellin my thick heart, "I am the Hero of the Sword, I have discovered the Power of my Lord in Heaven. In his name, I call for upon these people for a [Crusade]! [Deus lo Vult]"

Sword of Mob Mentality Unlocked Sword of Mob Mentality II Unlocked Sword of Mob Mentality III Unlocked Prerequisites have Unlocked: Crusader King Sword (Divine Aura L, Ability Lord's Fury, Ability: Voice of God's Chosen)

ROAR!*"Deus Lo Volt!"

I saw in an instant as my vision became filled with names an shit, suddenly it change to a small screen of just numbers of near 100, an it kept on growin. I saw people runnin out the place as if driven by a made fevor, and the numbers kept climbin.

I smilled as I watched, the sudden feelin of power flowin into me from my Sword from God.

Well, I got only a little more time. SO I can do things like Improve Crusader King Sword or use Voice of God's Chosen to organize my Army. I got like two hours.

"Voice of God's Chosen to organize the Army. This should help us in the future."

"I speak in the will of my Lord, [Voice of God's Chosen]!" Feelin my voice carry out was amazin, "To all adventurerin folk, I am needin of five people willin to act as my commanders in this fight. Organize yourselves after that by Party an await for ya commanders to come to ya."

With dat done I started waitin next to the counter. Takin a moment, I turned me sword into the one I just unlocked, [Crusader King Sword]. I must say, it was beautiful. Its main body was cocain white, gold edgin the edges that seemin to cut da air, an as long as me body. Follin all that, there was a golden red cross implanted in the hilt, simple but pronounce. A perfect Great-sword fit for a King under God.

As I was waitin for me commanders I saw someone I knew comin towards me. Color me suprise that it was Shield Boi of all people, "Hey Kid! Hows it goin?"

He was seemin to be in a trance at all dem people movin about, "What's happening here American? I mean, suddenly the streets are filled with Adventurers trying to get people to join in a 'Crusade'. They were even nice to me and told me to come to you."

I had to laugh, "I don' really know meself, Shield Boi. I suddenly got this idea to visit this place, an everythin else went along naturally. Hmm, since ya are 'ere why don't ya come into our meetin."

"Meeting?"

"Yup, soon my commanders should be showin up an we can organize a front. Ya see, I'm not sure meself but I'm thinkin the people 'ere will take care of protectin the citizens."

The kid seemed to get a glint in 'is eye, "I guess you're right, these people need to protect themselves. Just, are you sure they can do that without a hero?"

I placed me arm 'round the kid, "Well, maybe we should figure it out, eh? I know Spear Stud an Bow Kid are headin straight for da Boss. I was thinkin of doin dat, but now I got a fockin Crusade."

The Kid nodded at that, "Sounds about right. Let's go to your meeting then."

"Hehe, your seein my way of thinkin Kid."

"In your dreams American."

An so we started walkin forward, seeing the five who were my generals. Since we are 'ere, time to organize my force of two-hundered an fifty adventurers.

Whats the jobs you want them? The forces are divided in 50 people, bout 10 parties a division. Seems Shield Boi is willin to listen too.

"Sent couple of runers to deliver the care packiges to bow and spear if they are still in capital."

"Shield boy gets a force to defend setlement with and a skirmishing forces to help with that by routing monstets and not leting them just come from what ever direction/angle they wish. Not shire on nimbers tho."

"Maybe 50% and 50% or 70% and 30% ? Split between defense and crowd control? Duno mutch about war strategy."

"Organize the battle to be a fighting retreat. Divisions should move as a team, split into 2 groups of 20, with a group of the ten left over being used to move survivors away from danger or ferry supplies. We should start at the furthest most villages. Making their way back to a defensive fort where groups of both combat groups of the divisions trading off to prevent exhaustion."

We walked up to my commanders, two of 'em were them beastial folk while the other three were 'uman. When they saw me, they all wen' to some kind of attention callin me thin's from Sword Saint, Lord, an even Lord Jim.

"OKay y'all, I been thinkin an I got me scheme. two of ya are gonna go supportan the Shield Hero as this Boi works on savin people from 'ere villages. Rest y'all will be goin to be defendin 'em an us heroes fightin the boss from the outside. Kepp dem monster from comin in an we'll be dandy." Thinkin for a moment I turn to the Shield Boi, "You ready to be fightin for da people?"

He seemin to be silent for a momen' thinkin bout all this I'm bettin. HE turn to the commanders an yelled, "Which one of you guys will follow me, for real! I don't want to be fucking abandoned in a battle field because you guys are thinking I'm a crinimal."

With that all of the men took a step forwar', stunnin both me an the Shield Boi. They were lookin at one 'nother before a wolfman spoke, "Our Lord trusts the Shield Hero this much already. We have been given a chance to fight in the waves because of him, so why would we betray his trust just because of some false accusations?"

The Shield Boi seemed taken aback from what he was sayin. I notice the 'umans seem to think a momen' before noddin with the Wolfman, while da sheepman was just noddin the whole time. The 'umans seem to be firin up now, "Yeah, if the Sword trusts you, why the fuck wouldn't we!?"

Shiled Boi nodded, "Then you two are coming with me. Whats your names?"

The 'uman spoke first, "Names Darius of the axe kid, and this Wolf is Wolfie."

"Damn you Darius," The wolf man gave the guy a playful smack in da head, "My names Wolf-thorn. Its what I was given by the guild when I gained my freedom."

"An we're better for it Wolfie," Darius said laughinly.

Shield Boi grew quite the evil face, "Perfect, you two will work perfectly."

Naofumi (Hero of the Shield) has joined the Crusade as a General

I went over an checked me clock, the time remainin was 15 min.

"Final checks and grouping. Nothing fancy just make shure everything where it should be."

"Lets just ready our team members."

Since the army was lookin pretty well ready to fight, I went over an checked on Dolly an Cliff. They were at a table, Cliff chewin on an old monster bone while Dolly was workin with a bunch of her weapons. Is it just me or does she 'ave too many. Hell, I think shes working with my meth an Poison too!

"How'd you get so many daggers?"

She shrugged, "Well it seems everyone enjoyed your speech so much they started hanging out old equipment. I went over and grabbed a few of them for myself."

She started lookin over da people, "Humans are so… unusual."

"Whatcha mean by that?"

She was lookin as if longin, "I only knew my kind, my mother, for only a little bit. But I never would have imagined her and other Arisans getting together like this."

I had to chuckle a little, "Well Coons arnt much of social creatures. How ya fellin now though?"

"I… don't know."

"Well go ahead an pack ya things up. We are gonna be headen out soon, an then we can see the Lord's work."

Dolly gave me a curt nod before grabbin onto her stuff, stuffing em in her numerous belts. Lookin at the time, I could see it goin down countdown style.

5

4

3

2

1

And my vision went white for a momen' as the sound of glass shatterin could be heard.

An the next momen' I was outside, lookin up at a purple sky with a large crack through it. It was like the Devil brought Armageddon to our world.

Turnin round though I saw my 250 men an women. Next to me was Shield Boi an his pretty Coon lady. The gasps came from da other Bow and Spear as they were lookin at God's army. The Crusade against the Devil that is these waves.

I took a momen' to clear me throat, "Now I don' know why dem fancy nobles never thought of dis, but here we are. Today, we fight for da Kingdom, an for your lively hoods. Now if dat wasn' nough for ya, whoever gets the most kills gets Moonshine an me Meth."

I rose me sword into the air, the feelin of God's might flowin through me veins, "It is time to fight, For today we defend the Kingdom, an if we fall we shall return to the Lord's Kingdom. Deus Lo Vult! In the name of GOD!"

"Deus Vult! Deus Vult! Deus Vult! Deus Vult! Deus Vult! Deus Vult!"

"Attack!"

An with that the people were let free, a wave of men ridin horse, bird, or dragon all wen' to fight. I watched as Shield Boi was quickly swept up by one of da commanders. It only took a momen' after dough as I saw somthin flyin over me.

It was a Dragon, not as big as dat Gallion, but a Dragon. On 'is back was a man reachin for me, "Come on Saint Jim! I'll take you straight to the Boss!"

With a smile I hopped to the Dragon, Dolly an Cliff followin me as well. With a flap of the wings we were goin fast towards where da crack was. It was weird watchin little monsters droppin from

the crack, like rain drops in a storm. I'm just happy I'm not on Meth or shrooms, because this be fuckin trippy already!

As we were flyin though, I noticed somethin comin towards us. It was lookin to be an animal with three fockin heads an a snake tail. It was lookin ready to fockin eat us as it was faster den the Dragon!

Well, what the fock am I gonna do?

"Try Lord's Fury to see if its evil aligned creature if it is good it openes options. Othervise try to keep it at bay with your limited rainged capabilities till you guys manige to land and start the fight for real as you have more options then."

"We got a boggie comin up man!" I yelled at the top of me lungs.

"Shit!" The knight person said as he had the beast go stright up. The issue was that dat damn beast was followin pretty well.

Dolly got up an started throwin a binch of her weapons at it, the beast dodgin and swirlin from 'er attacks. Damn issue was the fucker was fast, an even if Dolly led 'er shots the bastard would just dodge 'em more!

Clickin me tongue, I brought out da Crusader King Sword to bear at 'em, "I call upon the Lord above who I have sworn my faith to. Before me is a being of pure Evil, an so I ask you to smite this being to salt before me, [Lord's Fury]!"

I watched as me SP, the meter for me skills, was driven down to quarter. For some reason everythin suddenly started shaken as pure white clouds started formin above us. As if knowin the Lord's wrath, the beast attempted to get out of da sky. He just doesn' know though tha' the Lord can' miss.

The clouds were swirlin like they were gonna become a twister. But instead of a tornado a fockin bolt of golden lightnin rained from above, strikin the monster! The wave of heat comin from dat single strike came rollin through like an atomic bomb!

Nothin could take God's fury an be fine, but dat thing was still kickin. Good thin was, its fockin wings were turnin into salt as it fell down to the land below us.

Watchin it plummit, we went on ahead an followed it down. The Dragon Ridin man dropped us 'bout 50 feet from the beast, the creature comin out of its crater lookin pist. One of its wings were gone, its back covered in white dust as it roared.

I gave a nod to the Dragon rider, the man goin away to help clear the are of monsters. Righ' now it was me, Dolly, an Cliff agains' this abomination.

The monster had da head of a Goat, a Lion, a Dragon, an a snake for da tail. Though it was missin a wing, it was still ready to fockin fight. It started runnin at us, an I ran to meet it.

"Holly! That took lots a jusce from us. So only 25% SP but its flight proweesis disabled."

"Tham fucker has lots of heads problem being they make it esenchaly having no blind spots with all them heads watching your admitedly small company right now. The bigest problem is the snake, its the furthest away and bigest obstacle for dolly to starth stelthing. Problem others wont let you get to it likely and it being part snake posibly provides some status resist. Start slow more to keep it from our companions than nothing else test the poisions and intoxication and if you can and thats a big IF take out snake as its likely the bigest pain for Dolly."

"Use the infect sword with the minor hallucinogen we have. This'll take care of the blindspots."

"That's neat. Lets see some triping balls."

The momen' it started runnin Dolly took off in a sprint for its side. Doing a bunch of jumps, she started throwin me Christian Ninja Stars at the focker. The were been stabbed into the focker by the hundreds, so course it was turnin its head towards where Dolly was. Dat Dragon head was openin up to release somethin nasty at 'er, but I went in for the strike!

It notice me comin, so I quickly move da goat head in me direction. Since I had nothin better to use it for, "[Infect Blade: Minor Hallucinogen]!"

Me blade was met by the Goat head, but the idiot thought he could parry me Greatsword of the Lord! For 'is heresy, the head was knocked lobside as I dug the blade into da bastard's neck. His hide was strong, so it didn' get deeper den a few inches but it was enough to let 'im experience drugs!

The Dragon did release its breath, but since I hit da body the head's attack went wayside. Dolly too the chance an threw a sword right into its neck. Didn' kill it but the bastard took some damage.

As I was backin away though that damn tail of its reached over to me, bittin me in da arm. As I was backin away I felt a little hazy. Checkin the stats, its poisoned me. Its time in me was fast though thanks to [Divine Aura, makin the effect last only 10 seconds.

"Elemental blade strike: fire aim for the snake head."

"Lets do et."

Turns out this guy is tougher than a nail! With both of us away from it, the damn thin decided to throw a ball of fire my way. I wen' to the side, burnin a little of my clothin as I went in for another round of fightin!

Again the Dragon head pointed itself toward Dolly, her shit pokin the bastard right in da eyes. This time I didn' go in on da goat head, instead tryin to get to its back.

It realise what I was doin, so once it fired a ball of fire it turned the lion head at me, the thin snarlin at me. With a roar it ran at full speed, takin a leap like a cugar! But dis wasn' my fist rodeo 'gainst somethin that can tear me limb from limb, so I ducked beneath the creature while it was flyin over me. In hindsight, I could 'ave sliced its stomach right then, but I'm not much of a sword wielder yet.

But once it landed, dat snake head was lookin 'ight at me. I smiled and brough back me blade, "[Flame Blade Strike]!"

With a slice of flames I sliced into the snake, the hide again too damn strong to get a clean cut. What was good though was the snake sufferin quite the scar 'cross the neck an face. Already it was much slower dan before.

In dat momen' Dolly also came in, stikin at the creature's ham as the head was tryin to strike me. Issue was the damn thin had the rear end of a goat, an wen' to kick both me an Dolly away. With a quick grab, I snagged Dolly and let its legs hit my sword in defence.

'[Meteoroid Arrow]!"

As it was turnin to face us once again, a large fockin arrow came from the side an impacted it with a vengeance.

Lookin over, I can see both Bow Kid an Spear Stud comin in. Seein us the Spear smilled, "I'm not going to miss this damn party! Watch me go! [Meteoroid Spear]!" In a moment he cut the distance with the beast, his spear reachin into its side as a small group of women sheered him on.

"Go for the eyes of the dragon head."

"Zerg rush the fucker. Can't kill us all."

I had to laugh as I saw everyone comin in, "Took y'all long enough!"

"Coming from the lucky guy who got picked up on a Dragon! Hyahh!" The Spear thrusted towards the beast, his attack still not reaching into it's hide. With that he flew back to where I was, though not taking any damage, "Okay girls, give me a boost!"

I looked back to see about four girls, the one standin out had firey red hair, "Come on everyone! Let's give Motoyasu some more power!" They said a bunch of magic stuff an the Stud glowed with some odd power.

Comin from behind was a man in all plate armor who was smilin, "My dear heroes! I am to assist you as a fellow vanguard!"

I was cheerin with the amount of people we had, "Okay everyone! I'm gettin the fockin lizard head! CHAAAAARGE!"

An so the three of us went at 'em. Bright arrows of light 'ere flyin above our heads against the beast's heads. The lizard head was preparin one of dem fire balls, so I brought my sword to bear an waited one momen'. As the fireball was now flyin towards us, I ran through it!

"AHAHA, you weren' expectin that ya Lizard!" I came out of the fire with my clothin on fire. It doesn' matter, since the bastard weasn' expectin me to come up with a clean slice at its face. I struck the damn thin's eye, me blade finally getting a nice cleave as the right eye was removed from da head!

I had to smile as I saw Dolly appearin right above the creature, a nice size sword in 'er hand as she went down, "[Backstab]." With a flash her blade finally bit into the thin's flesh with a sound of a carcass bein butchered.

The tail was goin to go for 'er, but I spun again to block the focker before he got me fuckin Coon. Takin her time, Dolly fled from the creature just as spear an armor guy finally made it.

"[Meteoroid Strike]!" With another flash the came in, stabbin into the goat's head. As his blade sunked inta the skin of the thin he was on the recievin end of a nasty headbutt. He flew back a little, but quickly ran back to face the head.

Lastly, the armor guy made it. He tried to make a strike at da lion, but recieved a jaw on 'is arm. Lucky for 'im, an arrow came in an knocked the thin's grip. With dat, the man wen' into stabbin it, though he wasn't going to do anythin at his strength.

As I was takin into accound that I was balacin on this thin's back I could hear a voice, clear as day. An I knew this damn voice was Shield Boi, "Everyone, fight the fucking wave! We don't need to fucking kill these idiots we need to fucking protect the village! And you fuckers get out of here!"

"Welp were almost down to half and the cavalry has arrived. Hop off the chimera and join the Shield boi."

"Lets ride."

"Shout for a sitrep from shield. But we have to focus on killing the Chimera, we'll either give him reinforcements or a ride if he needs it."

"Shit! Get away ya damn snake!" I went an batted away the fockin snake head as I tried rememberin the spell. This damn monster is tryin to buck buck me off, but I'm some how stayin on for dear life. I went for a slice at the damn spine, "Be still ya fucker!"

With it recoilin in pain I decided I needed a call, "I call upon the Lord above who I have sword my Faith too. May my voice reach the masses, [Voice of God's Chosen]!"

I felt a nice click in me head I knew I was linked to everyone in the Crusade. Mainly, I can get to Shield Boi, "Naofumi! I'm needin a sitrep from ya!"

It took a momen' but I heard his voice load an clear, "What the hell are you saying Jim!?"

"Status report! Your condition! Why the fuck is there a second enemy force!"

"Tch!" His voice was seethin in anger, "Some knights sent to rescue people just fired their magic on me!"

"WHAT IN SAM'S FUCKING HELL ARE YOU SAYING!" The power of that yell caused everyone to stop in their tracks. Even the fuckin monster stopped in its fuckin tracks in fear, "Do you need me to send you reinforcements!?"

"No, their commander fled when I yelled at them." The Boi was soundin annoyed, "Some of his troops joined us, but the rest fled with him. Evacuations done now, I we're push the monsters back to the crack now."

The snake went to bite me once again, the monster movin once again from my little spout of anger, "Soundin good to me! Ya know, if ya want we can use a hand with dis god damn Boss!"

He took a second to responed, enough time for Spear Stud to get in a few slices while I gave a few more slices at the back.

"Sure, everyone Raphtilia is incharge! Whoever that Dragonrider is give me a ride!"

And with that I clicked off my connection. In all my years who would 'ave thought demn bull fightin lessons came in handy. But damn this Monsters annoyin.

Lookin like backup is comin with a job well done. Well, back to fightin the monster!

"Try baiting him to jump. Hopefully bow and spear will unload all they have while it's in the air unable to change mutch do to its broken wings."

With a reinformen' incomin, I jumped off the back an ended up infont of da beast. Its Lion head went in for a bite, but I battered it off as I got my sowrd in position, "Ya'll back off so it'll pounce on me! Once its off da groun' we can hit it hard!"

What was suprisin was no one was doin just that! Spear Stud just kept on attackin the Goat head like he was havin some personal fight with it while armor was workin on Goat.

In me confusion, the bastard actually attacked me! I was fast enough bringin up the Crusader King Sword to bear, but the mother focker had it in 'is jaws.

Since this focker wasn' gonna let go I gave it my shoulder! It didn' let go, an in the next secon' Dolly apprered before me eyes an gave a stab with a roar, "[Backstab]!"

Damn thin was movin now, but it had me sword locked in da jaws. Luckili, I was able to keepin myself on da ground by sheer stubborness an givin the thin a few haymakers. I wen' in for a punch though an felt a spike of fockin pain!

You are using a weapon that is not your weapon or related skills.

Well, I guess I can activate sm-

A Dragon roar came from high above, the Dragon bein really familiar! I had to smile as a cloaked figure with a sword jumped off the fucker, comin down like a missile! I smilled, grabbin me sword an preparin. A momen' later the Shield Boi came down like a rock ontop of the thin. All the head recoilin, lettin me free me sword from the focker's grasp.

Since this fucker was givin me such a problem, I sliced at this bastard's eyeball with a single slice. With dat I grabbed Shield Boi from the thin's back an backed off for a momen.

"Ahaha! You did one hell of an entry Boi!" I brought 'im up to 'is feet.

"It was just a thought I had." the Boi said as he rose this Shield, "So how are things going here?"

"Just fightin this abomination till it drops. Focker a tough nail to crack!"

The Shield nodded, "Okay, your the guy who's been fighting it, what should we do?"

"Dem heads were priblem before too mutch multitasking betwen them now its 4v4 so more even. Could you take the dragon head and atract its attention them fucker likes fireballs and thats anoying. Watch out for the tail its the mous anoying one too big a movement range compared to reast gona try fininsh it tho."

"Everybody takes on one head. We'll go for the Lion head since we already got dragon upgrades n sheeeeit on our sword. Gotta get that [Lionhearted] passive for The Lord God, the [Lions Pride] skill to command Liongirls as well as [Lions Roar] active debuff as well as making the Lion head into a badass helmet for ourself."

"Tell the shield boy to bait out the dragon head while we use Flame Blade Strike on it."

"Take on the Dragon headed one, I'll try an cut the fucker when he hit you."

The Shield Boi nodded, like someone who would finally listen! We ran over to the creature, the fist head to attack us was not the Dragon though. The fockin Lion head, which I abaondoned seemed to want more of me! It ran forward with a vengence, but good ol' Shield Boi got infront of it.

Takin the chance, I went to 'is side, "[Flaming Flame Strike!] ya git!" And I chopped on 'is head like an executor. The clean sound of flesh bein cut entered my ear as the head rolled to the side. Dolly, the every preceptive, quickly came by an snatched the head from our feet.

With our victory over it, everyone kicked into high gear all of a sudden.

"[Hound's Spear]! [Meteor Spear]!" Spear Stud quickly made work of da Goat's head, tearin apart the thing with quick skillin. I was wonderin why the fuck he didn' do all those earlier, but he impalled the head right through the skull. Another head was dead.

"[Hawk Shot]!" Suddenly a fuck ton of arrows came into the side of the beast. Why in the fockin hell are these guys just now tryin to kill it!? I thought they were just weak. Either way, those arrows nearly killed the beast outright as it made quick work of its hide.

"[Air Strike Shield]!" A green shield went infront of us as the second to last head, the Dragon, released a fuck ton of flames at us. Luckily Shield Boid was here, or I'd be a slab of cooked meat. As the Shield wen' down, I came from behind the kid with my Great Sword.

"Smite the fucker. God's light took away its wings and God's light will take its life. Also the fuckers were holding out on us! They waned to do as little as posible I bet."

"The light!"

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!!!"

"So Dolly alreafy took lion. Shield takes dragon since he did good defending it's flame and spear takes goat sinc he killed that one I think. Others might object tho."

I brought da sword into the air, "I call upon the Lord who I have sworn Faith too, may my-" As I was finishin my chant I saw somethin come at my side. The damn snake head, brunt an battered from my attacks on it came right for my flank. I could only click me tongue as it was 'bout to sank its fangs into my flesh.

"SHIT!" With that cry, I saw Shield Boi come before me. Using 'is free arm, he let the damn thin' bite into it. With his defense, I made sure not to fuck this up.

"MAY MY BLADE FALL THIS FOE BEFORE ME LORD, [SMITE]!"

In a blaze of light, my blade struck true through the Dragon's face. The attack split it in two, draining the beast of its remainin health. With it dead, the earth began shakin as the tear in the sky closed shut.

Shield Boi ripped the snake head off his arm in a manner of disgust. His health wasn' lookin bad, but if it his me I'd be pretty dead. Lookin at the Dragon, I quickly sliced the head with my sword.

Bringin it up I called to the Boi, "Shield B-, nah, Naofumi wasn' it? I'm thinkin this one's yours." I tossed it to the boi.

The kid looked confused at first, but he grew a smiled, "Yeah, for saving your sorry ass." He placed it on 'is shield, the item goin into his Shield without issue. With a flash the shield turned into a Dragon's head that was looking pretty nasty.

"Guess this one's mine…" Spear Stud looked at his Goat head with a little sad face, but it was the one he killed.

Dolly appeared next to me with the head she grabbed. I had to smile, she is knowin my thinkin more an more every day. Placin it into the sword, I got somethin nice.

Chimera Lion Sword Unlocked(Ability Unlocked: Intimidating Warcry) Prerequisits have been fullfilled for new sword:

Sword of the Crusader Kings II (Ability Unlocked: Lord's Grace)

The Bow Kid walked up aswell, lookin kinda pitiful as he got his snake head.

"Well, time to head back!" The Spear Stud cheered, "Time to get paid!"

An with that both the Bow an Spear left. Guess dat means I'm gonna be gettin more meat to myself.

"Oh yeah… payment." Naofumi looked pretty sad, but I couldn' really blame 'im. Its kind of the place 'ere he got fucked over, let alone whatever the fuck happened earlier.

"Well you never know what we can do. I'm wonderin if we want to have a night of drinkin at dat Adventurers' Guild. I think I saw a bar there an everyones gonna love ya 'ere."

The Shield sighed as he got out his own knife, "I guess we will see." Huh, I'm liken this kid more an more.

---