Chapter 5

Friday

1:07 p.m.

Olivia continued on down Highway 27 on their way to Easthampton. The tension in the Rover could be cut with the proverbial knife. They had spent the first two hours driving, cooing and ooing and chatting with their children-all in the back seat-and now their three were napping in the back seat. With only a fraction of time left on their journey, a quietude fell over the car now, the only sounds were Isabel's heavy breathing and Dolly Parton singing about how she will always love someone.

Olivia put her left signal on to get around a large semi truck before gliding back into the right lane. She took a deep breath and adjusted her aviators before looking down at her faded jeans and distressed, olive green button-down shirt, brushing off a small crumb of a seeded cracker she had just munched on.

Glancing to her right, she watched her wife, in a pair of khaki linen shorts and a white, cable knit cotton sweater, her right foot propped on her seat, knee bent to her chest, looking out of the window as the Atlantic Ocean began to come into view in the east.

Olivia knew she shouldn't say what she was about to say. After all, if Alex wanted to talk, she would. Right?

Wrong.

She knew the blonde well enough to know that, even though that brilliant mind was spinning a mile a minute with what the next few days, weeks would bring, Alex wouldn't say anything unless prompted. Not when she got like this. In her own head.

But Olivia ventured forth, nonetheless.

"Do you want to talk about anything, Al?" she asked, managing a half-hearted smile. Glancing back over, she saw that her wife hadn't moved. Not one inch.

Olivia nodded and licked her lips. "OK."

Then, after a few moments, it came.

"What is there to talk about, Olivia? My wife is going undercover to be with another woman."

Olivia closed her eyes briefly before refocusing on the road.

Olivia took a small, deep breath, willing her eyes not to water. But it was happening without her consent.

"As much as I would love to be supportive and know that everything will work out, there's a part of me that won't...can't let it go. I can't just go to my parents' and act like everything is OK."

And Olivia supposed that's what she wanted to hear.

Communication.

But hearing it, hearing that her wife was so consumed by it, was exactly what she expected. Dreaded, even.

Alex continued. "I'll be with three babies, Liv."

Olivia felt her eyes on her now and when she glanced over, she was right.

"Three babies. And I know my parents will be a big help. I know that. But it's just...you and I have done all of this, everything with the kids, together since day one." Alex looked back out of the passenger window. "To know that you won't be there, with me, sleeping in our bed that began so much, everything, really...that's the hardest part. I'll be alone in that bed for God knows how long and someone else will be with you."

Olivia swallowed the lump back down and sniffed the mucous that was now descending her nostrils, no matter how hard she fought it. All she could manage was a tiny, "I know."

"You know," Alex scoffed.

"Do you think I have a choice, Al?" Olivia almost whimpered.

"Did you? Did you even try to fight it?"

She returned her gaze to the road and shook her head. "No." She laughed lightly. "But what could I do, Al? Cragen presented this situation to me and I accepted."

"No questions asked, right?" Alex offered.

Olivia looked at Alex again and her gaze was unyielding. Olivia's lower lip trembled. " I want to have a beautiful couple of days with you and the kids. I need that. Without knowing that you're here, at your parents', giving me your complete cooperation and support-"

"Cooperation? Cooperation means working together and when you're bedding another woman...my cooperation left the building a long time ago."

Olivia took a deep breath, trying to cleanse her heart. The song switched to Kenny Rogers singing about islands in the stream. "I won't sleep in the same bed as her, Al. I've already decided that."

Alex laughed lightly. "And where will you sleep? A cot? The floor? The sofa?"

"I can manage something else," Olivia admitted softly.

"And when there's a situation where you have to kiss, hold her like you love her? What then?"

Olivia only flared her nostrils, feeling her body become increasingly rigid. She leaned her neck left and right, small pops being emitted.

"I know there are rules of decorum in a marriage, even a fake one, but if things get heated in front of people and you have to-"

"It's not like I'm gonna fuck her in public, Alex." She looked at her wife then, her gaze steely.

Alex's jaw dropped then. "I would hope not."

Fussing now from the back seat and Olivia lifted her upper body to peer at the kids in the rear view mirror. Theo's eyes were open and Grace's sleepy face was looking at her.

"Hey, Babies. Mama's here. Go back to sleep." Olivia smiled.

Alex reached back into the backseat and adjusted something, possibly comforting their little ones.

"That was unnecessary, Liv," Alex claimed softly.

Olivia pursed her lips and nodded. "All of this is unnecessary, Alex."

Alex huffed and continued to stare out of the window.

Olivia didn't know what exactly she expected from this conversation that was so close to her impending departure. Did she think that her wife was to just accept this and live like everything was normal? No, Alex would think and obsess and not do much of anything else. By now, the brunette knew this much was true.

"I can't even call you...talk to you when I need to, Liv…" Alex's voice was shaky.

Olivia brought her lips inward.

"Without you...I don't know…" Alex said softly.

"I'll sneak my phone." Olivia didn't know where it came from, but it had come out.

"No, you won't." Alex stated flatly.

Olivia looked at her again.

"They'll search you, your stuff, and you won't have anything. I know how it works, Olivia."

But Olivia did have a plan.

She was planning on hiding her phone somewhere discreet and turned off, and wouldn't let anyone confiscate it. She'd hide it somewhere, anywhere. Speaking to her wife, especially in these circumstances and knowing how badly she would miss her, was of the utmost importance to the brunette. And she was going to make sure it happened.

"I will," Olivia said softly. "Just don't tell anyone."

A few moments of silence.

"As much as I would love that idea...it breaks protocol, Olivia. And you know it. It could blow the entire operation."

"I don't give a shit about protocol, Al," Olivia whispered. "And when you need me, you can call me...anytime. I'll turn it on every now and then. I'll return your call, in private, I'll slip away, day or night."

Olivia turned and headed down Meadow Lane now, just a few minutes from the beach house.

But Alex said nothing further.

They were about to meet and greet her in laws and act as though everything was OK. But she was sure that Bill and Cathy Cabot would be able to sense something. The normally amorous, bubbly, carefree visit at the beach house would hint to more than just surface pressure.

She knew that much was true.

"Wow, Alex! They're all over the place! So wriggly!" Cathy Cabot beamed as they entered the kitchen, Isabel in her mother's hold on her hip, Grace in Bill Cabot's arms.

Alex smiled. "They are, Mom. In just the two months since you've seen them, they've really been getting around. All of them."

"We made lemonade and some sugar cookies...Katie and I...let's sit and talk."

Alex watched Olivia enter now, two fully-packed duffels on her arms.

"Olivia," Bill Cabot cooed. "How are you?

"And Theo! My boy!" he added, smiling at their oldest.

Olivia smiled, Theo on her hip, and headed toward her father-in-law. "Good, Bill. How are you?"

Alex caught eyes with her wife now before returning to the conversation.

"How long will you all be here this time? I hope for a long time." Cathy rocked Isabel in her arms.

Alex watched Olivia exchange Grace for Theo and her heart smiled at the grandfather, grandson interaction.

"Gapa! I want to go in the ocean!" he beamed, grabbing the older man's face with his tiny hands and leaning forward, whispering, "I want to go swim. With you...with Mama."

Bill chuckled. "We can do that, Champ!" he smiled, kissing his grandson's forehead and holding him close.

Theo rested his head on his grandfather's shoulder, smiling.

Olivia and Alex caught eyes again.

The last part of the car ride hadn't been pleasant, but here they were.

The only question was, when would she tell them about Olivia's departure?

"Do they need a nap, Dear?" Cathy Cabot questioned.

"Um…" Alex looked at Olivia once more, "...maybe in a little while. They slept in the car for about half an hour but I think they could probably sleep a little while longer before dinner."

"Well, fish tacos, per Olivia's favorite, is on the menu tonight, with a roasted corn salad and coleslaw," Cathy beamed, kissing Isabel's cheek. "Oh, it's so good for you all to be here." She cradled Isabel's head on her shoulder now, their girl's eyes closing.

"Sounds delicious, Cathy," Olivia offered, bouncing a now-sleepy Grace on her hip.

"Well, let us take the kids and you two go get settled in your room," Bill smiled, Theo squeezing his cheeks.

"Sounds good, Daddy," Alex answered, looking at her wife once more.

Alex kneed the middle drawer of their dresser closed, just having put in the last of the t-shirts and tanks. She then stood, hands on her hips, closing her eyes.

"Can we talk, Al?" Olivia asked from only a couple of feet away as she emerged from the closet.

Alex ran her tongue along her upper front teeth. "We talked. In the car."

"We argued in the car," Olivia established.

"We talked and it became heated, as per it should," Alex looked at her wife now.

She watched Olivia's eyes then, filling with tears.

"I-I can't do this, then...I'll call Cragen and tell him it's off. I'll tell him to get another detective." Olivia took her iPhone from the top of the dresser and began to punch and slide and tap.

Alex moved up to her and took her phone. "No." She gently pulled the phone from the brunette's grasp. "No, you won't." Alex placed the phone in her back pocket.

"Give it to me, Alex," Olivia demanded, reaching around her wife to try and fish the phone out.

Alex stepped away a few feet . "You have a job to do. I know that. And knowing you, you'll do it with the utmost professionalism and speed."

Olivia advanced toward her once more. "Give me the phone."

They watched each other now, neither backing down.

Alex took a deep breath, looking into cocoa eyes. "As much as I hate the hell out of this...I know that you have a job to do and that you'll do it to the best of your ability."

They continued to watch each other, both ladies' eyes filling with tears.

"I know that my wife loves me, loves our children, loves our life...and that you will try your best to make this undercover operation as quick and thorough as you can…" she took a deep breath, "...and it won't be anywhere near easy for me...or you…" she managed a small smile, "...but my wife will come back and we can continue to live our lives in the most magnificent way that we've been doing."

Olivia's eyes filled with even more tears now and she nodded. "Absolutely."

"And I might obsess…"

"I know you will, as will I…"

"And I might lash out at the wrong people," Alex smiled.

"Please don't…" Olivia offered a grin, as well.

"But I know that my wife…" Alex moved into her now and held her, looking her face over.

Olivia reciprocated the hug.

"...will come back to me and we can continue our Benson-Cabot legacy that will remain for decades to come…" Alex moved even closer now.

"Millenia, Al," Olivia said softly.

Alex leaned in and pressed her mouth to her wife's, the kiss slow, intentional, longing.

A knock was heard at the door.

They pulled away and Olivia nodded. "Are we good?"

"For now…" Alex answered before turning her head, "...come in…" she called over her shoulder.

The two stepped away to find Bill and Cathy Cabot, each with a twin in their arms, entering the room, Theo holding Bill's left hand.

"These guys need to be put down for a nap," Cathy said sweetly.

The two ladies hugged each other's waists and watched as the elder Cabots placed them in their crib.

"Dinner at six?" Bill Cabot questioned.

Alex looked at Olivia again, smiling. "Dinner at six."

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