Author's note; This is once again a story I wrote a while ago and am reposting it here since I know most of you probably don't read my work on AO3. It's my first Slexie story that I have posted so it is very dear to my heart, it took me like a whole month to finish it.
ps. I am working on the second part of The pates in the elevator don't worry.
Enjoy!
The sight and sound of pouring rain greeted Lexie Grey as she was ready to enter her sister's home.
Not that it surprised her, really. In the last 28 years of life, she could hardly remember a handful of sunny days in Seattle. It seemed as if the city had conspired to give her endless rain, despite assurances from locals that the sun did shine in the Emerald City.
And at this very moment, she didn't even want to complain about it. She was one of those people who hated the cold. That probably being the result due to living in Seattle her entire life, excluding the 4 years she spent in Boston during her college years.
But the rain - it was much more welcome now.
Why?
Because it portrayed her current emotions, perfectly.
As the cold air seeped through the pockets of her coat, her fingers began to tingle. Removing her hands, she clapped them together a few times, wishing she didn't forget the gloves in the hospital. But she was finally home, at least.
She opened the door and entered as she tried to escape the cold Seattle night. Very quickly , the freezing girl got overpowered by the beautiful feel of warmth, peace and the distant baby laughter, coming from the living room on her left.
She took a step inside, closed the door and inhaled deeply. She connected her gaze with the ceiling, trying to hold back the tears that have been fighting so hard not to come out.
The day was long. Very long and - very tiring. At one point, even unbearable.
Outwardly, Lexie Grey is okay. Yes, these days, maybe she seems a little off but - everybody has those days, right? It's not a big deal. Not many people notice the truth behind the, very well played facade.
Inside, though, it's a different story. Inside, she can't help but wish there was someone else with her, right now. But - not just now - all the time.
Lexie hasn't been okay for a while.
At first she denied Jackson. He was wrong. Delusional, even.
Mark and her were over! That ship had sailed long ago. There was no hope for the two of them any longer. Lexie Grey didn't love Mark Sloan anymore.
And she kept repeating it.
Jackson is wrong. I don't look at Mark. I am not jelaous. I am happy. I am okay. Everything is fine.
But even saying it in her head, for nobody except her to hear - it hurt. It hurt more and more every single day. It felt like she was drowning. Drowning in her own sorrows.
She couldn't breathe any longer. She couldn't think. She couldn't even eat. She lost her appetite. She doesn't smile much, unless she meets a patient content enough to make her happy, since nobody loves having a doctor who looks just as miserable as the patient himself.
It took a while but- she accepted it.
I still love him.
I never stopped loving him.
I will never stop loving him.
Deep down, she knew it all along. She just tried to hide it. She tried to put those feelings away, she tried not to show them. Lexie thought that she had done a pretty good job, but - it seems it was not only Jackson who noticed the great longing she still has for the person she is so deeply in love with.
She knew that, there were so many men ready to hold her, kiss her, support her, protect her. But none of them will ever really know her. Not after him.
And how could anyone know her as well as he did, anyway? At times, it seemed as if he knew her better than she knew herself.
She understood that - maybe - with time she could forget. Not fully, but she would. She would maybe - love someone else, laugh with someone else, confide in someone else but - she tried that already.
She tried and the only thing she realized was - she wants him even more.
So no. Lexie Grey is not fine. She might act like she is, she might try and pretend but - it has always been a very poor act.
She is still standing in the doorway, too weak to make a step forward. She takes one more second in an attempt to calm herself down. She quickly wiped off the tears that finally escaped her and started taking her jacket and boots off.
"Where have you been all night?" Derek asked suddenly, noticing the presence of his sister-in-law. His voice took Lexie by surprise, as she turned around and saw him playing with Zola in a - very unusual costume.
"At the hospital - I was - finishing your neuro research..." she answered calmly, trying to hold her tears in again. She was on the verge of crying, but she hid it the best she could. Derek, on the other hand, could notice that she wasn't feeling herself, but decided to let it go..at least for now.
"Why - is she in a bumblebee costume?" Lexie questioned, very surprised by the fact that Zola doesn't have any normal clothes on.
"Uhh well...she threw up on all of her other clothes." He concluded with a sigh, showing an emotion of exhaustion, which is no wonder taking in the fact of how many times Zola puked since this afternoon.
All of the emotions rushed back to her, less than a second later. It seems like he can't escape her mind at all. There she is, standing next to her niece and brother-in-law, and - the only thing she would like to do is crumble in a ball and disappear.
She has that broken look in her face. Derek can see it.
She looks like a fragile porcelain, the one that shouldn't even be touched, just waiting for the right moment to fall apart. For the right moment to disappear from the face of earth.
It has been like that for days. Derek seemed like the only one who actually noticed.
Lexie finally decided to take a step forward and take a seat on the all-too-familiar couch. As she sat down, she realized that - she couldn't keep it in any longer. She needed to let it out. Just for a second - she needed to say what's on her mind.
Derek knows. He had been the one she had been talking to in the past months. Talking about everything she feels. He was the one who understood her and the one who tried to help her, advice her and listen to her.
And then, all she had to do was take that one breath. That one, gasping breath, that felt as she didn't really breathe for a long time. It felt as she had been holding it in for so long, that even tho it hurts, it's such a relief to be able and finally breathe again. Really breathe again.
"Mark said that, um -" she started, still trying to act strong
"that he misses me."
"I miss you."
"But I miss him - uh - I" and then her voice started to break down, creating this numbing emotion, as she lightly chewed onto her lower lip, a habit she easily caught herself in whenever she cried "I really - I really miss him."
"I miss you too."
And then she saw Derek's concerned expression, before feeling the light strokes of his hand on her lower back, as he tried his best to comfort her. With time, he learned that - now - he should just listen. He shouldn't talk. He shouldn't make her feel worse. He knew that right now, all she needed was someone to listen to her, be there for her.
And he was there. He will always be there.
"And he - he thinks that I still love Jackson but I-" she now bent forward, in order to keep her balance, trying to wipe away some of the tears " I...I try to tell him that I don't, I try to tell him that - I still love - him."
It was horrible. Seeing her like this. Seeing her in so much pain, so hurt. This girl - the bright and shiny Grey - became dark and twisty herself.
And for what? Just because she loves someone? Just because she loves someone, so, so deeply? So deeply that it hurts?
By now, Derek could hear the silent sobs, that she tried so hard to hide once again. She had been suffocating herself with each breath she took, holding onto the little pride she had left.
"B-but I open my mouth..and nothing comes out. And everything is just terrible."
That one sentence was all it took, before her vision got blurred by tears and she couldn't even see properly any longer. Once that one tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream.
She stared at the floor, pressing her palms onto her forehead. She couldn't stop herself now. All of the emotions she tried to ignore and hide, all day long, the best as she could - ruined her now.
As for Derek - it was so painful to see her like this. All he could do was embrace his little sister and let the torrent of her tears soak through his shirt. He could also feel her clench her fists, trying to stop herself again, with a particularly poor attempt. But he still tried his best to calm the silent war within her mind.
"It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay." He whispered gently, trying his hardest to assure her.
His calm, honest voice forces her to look up again. She takes a look at Derek, but notices that his eyes are now fixed on one single point and that they had shot up as if in terror. It takes a moment for Lexie to wipe the tears off and breathe in, trying to pull herself together, before she turns around in order to find out what Derek was so worried about.
And when she did so, for a minute, she felt frozen. She felt as if time stopped. She just stared, without even blinking, becoming aware of the situation she just put herself into. Sudden dread of coldness took over her fragile body. She could feel the rigid mussles and the, now stiff posture. Her eyes got wider in shock, and she could also feel her jaw fall open slightly, feeling embarrassed and scared, wanting nothing else but to take back everything she had admitted to Derek previously.
"Oh..." she gasped, with a soft and rather shaky voice.
"Oh god...no..." she whispered, before the tears started to invade her eyes once more, and she forced herself to look away, refusing to look at the person standing in the far hallway. Refusing to look at his ocean blue eyes, refusing to accept the fact that he is in the same room as her and...Refusing the fact that -
He heard her.
Mark Sloan just stood there. In the hallway of the famous Grey's household. It seemed as if Derek forgot that he would even come, figuring that out by the quite guilty look portrayed by his best friend.
Mark could lie. He could say that he didn't hear a thing. He could say that he has no idea about why the woman he loved for so long, until this day, was so broken. He could maybe lie but...that wouldn't be a good idea.
He stared at her. By now, she had looked away, trying to avoid his gaze, but he didn't dare to take his eyes off of her. He just kept replaying the previously said words, over and over again in his head.
He had never expected this. He really thought that she was over him, completely forgotten about him. She proved him that because she was with Avery, so as much as it hurt Mark, he saw that she was happy, and he found it in himself to, somehow - let her go.
He thought he lost her. Even the doubt disappeared. As much as it hurt him, he accepted it. So - hearing her now - hearing this now - it shocks him.
" Lex-" he whispers, feeling the need to break the silence.
Lexie just bites her lip, turning her head away from him even more.
"Shepherd can you - leave us alone? I think we should...talk about some-things." He questions slowly.
"Yeah, I think that's a good idea - Zola and I - we will be, in the kitchen."
After Derek disappeared behind the wooden door, the approaching footsteps clip-clopped down the floor. They echoed sharply around the living room, sounding overly loud in Lexie's own ears, like a burning heartbeat of a condamned prisoner.
And then a moment later, Mark lowered his body in order to sit down next to her. She immediately changed the direction of her gaze to the floor, wishing so badly that she could disappear or just escape this awful situation.
But she couldn't. She had to face it. But, oh, how she hated that.
"Lex - please" he started nervously "please just look at me."
And when she doesn't flinch, he tries again "Lexie - look at me."
"Wh-what are you doing here? You - you shouldn't- shouldn't have..." She couldn't even finish that one simple sentence. You shouldn't be here. You shouldn't have heard that.
"It doesn't matter why the hell I am here Lexie. I- why didn't you tell me?" Lexie shakes her head at the question, refusing to talk, not wanting to be told by Mark himself, that she is late and that- that he doesn't love her anymore. She knew it, but she didn't really want to hear it. Especially not from him.
"Mark I -please just- just forget that you ever heard this and - and go - just forget and everything will -" he doesn't let her finish.
"NO!" He raises his voice, which makes Lexie shiver at the sound "I won't forget. I can't forget okay? You said what you said and I heard it. I heard it very clearly. So can you just please, for once in your life talk to me? Talk to me, a simple conversation, that's all I ask for. I - I can't always keep assuming how you feel Lex. I can't always just assume. I need to hear it from you."
"I -" She starts, taking great pause to finally make extreme eye contact "O-okay." She mumbles, so quietly that Mark tries to figure out if she actually said it, or that simple word was just a product of his imagination.
"Good." He takes a moment to think about what he will say next, trying to find the right words "Lex I - I seriously thought that you moved on. For months and months I thought that way and with time I - I somehow accepted it and I - I didn't know, I had no idea, you - you should have told me." He manages, finally.
"T-told you? Wha - what the hell should I have told you? I - you - you moved on and - you are happy, I just - I didn't wanna ruin that. And I - I know I was the one who.." she takes a second to breathe and wipe off a couple of tears from her reddened face " Who - told you to leave me alone but - I never meant it and I, I really have no idea why I said that...I never - I never let you go I - I am stuck, I am stuck here, loving you. I told you I did let go - so many times but..."
"You never did..." He finishes quietly.
"I am sorry..." she whispers.
"So you - still love me?"
"I said I was sorry." She replies quickly.
"Wha- Do you know what you should be sorry about?" He cuts in forcefully. He is closer to her than he was before " What you should be sorry about is not talking to me about this sooner."
"Talking to you..." she blinks at him, twisting her head when she realizes what he's saying. "You wanted me to come to you with all this? With all this - I still love you, I cry myself to sleep because of you crap? I - you moved on and - you have a perfect girlfriend who will have your perfect little kids and is - so much better than me in - in every way and.."
"You cried yourself to sleep? Because you - missed me?"
"I - I didn't mean - that's besides the point I, shouldn't have said it."
"But you said it." He settles on.
" I...did. So yes I...did that I...I cry a lot these days..."
"Do you even know - how hard it was for me to say that I am letting you go? Do you? Because- after that I tried so hard to stay away from you and to - respect your decision but - it was so hard Lex." he says, his last said words barely registering at an audible decibel.
"I am sorry...that I hurt you. I am sorry. I will never understand why I told you to do that but - I was so mad and overwhelmed and - I just thought that with time I will learn to live without you and that with time I would forget you but...It hurt more and more, every day."she tells him, with her voice slowly breaking.
She watches him think. She watches him piece together what he's going to say in his head, she watches as he mouths the words to himself. The minutes pass by, but not once does she think of rushing him. Not once does she tap her foot in anxiety, not once does she sigh impatiently…
"I think - for me - it hurt most when you were with Avery. I just - I hated seeing you with him, because I missed you - so much. I thought you moved on completely Lex. I mean - that's what it looked like to me."
"Mark, I love you." She quickly jumped in "I am always gonna love you, okay? I know that I picked the worst timing to tell you this, but - it's true. That relationship with Jackson - that didn't mean anything to me - you were always there, spinning in my mind. You're all I think about, every day. And I tried - oh, I tried, so hard to move on, but - I just...couldn't. And now you have Julia. I know. She - she is.." Mark doesn't remember the last time he heard her like this. Her voice - it sounded as if someone was stabbing her in the chest with every single word she spoke "She is - perfect. She is everything I am not and she - she can give you everything...everything you want. But I - I just want you to tell me...this one thing okay?" She begged, her chin slightly trembling " Because, I've been wondering for weeks, if...If.." She closes her eyes, and after a few seconds of silence, Mark realizes he's going to have to prompt her.
"If what?" He asks quietly, surprised that he can even speak. "What were you wondering? If—"
"If you love her," Lexie interrupts, more accusatory than she'd intended. Her eyes go wide for a moment before she seems to take control of herself. She stares him right in the eyes. "D—Do you, Mark?" She asks quietly. "Do you love her?"
Mark closes his eyes, taking a long, deep breath.
"It's a simple question," Lexie whispers after a moment. "Do you love her? Yes or no? Do you love her like—?"
"—like I love you?" Mark cuts in quietly, opening his eyes. He looks up to stare at Lexie's frozen face. Her heart feels like it's going to beat out of her chest, and she can barely wrap her mind around the fact that he used the present tense and not the past to describe what he felt for her. What he still felt for her. Lexie tries not to get her hopes up, but—
"Yes," she finds herself whispering through barely-moving lips. "Do you love her like you love me?"
He shakes his head, just a few centimeters back and forth. "No," he replies. His voice is almost inaudible. "No, I don't love her like I love you. I could—" He swallows roughly, and in a split second he's leaned forward and taken her face in his hands. "I could never love anyone the way I love you."
"Really?" She asks, this time with eyes full of hope, pressing her face into his warm touch. She sucks in a raspy breath, not knowing what to say "Mark-"
"Lex I - I never even told her that I loved her. She told me that she did, but - do you know what I said to her after that?" She stares at him, a little confused.
"I said 'see ya later'." Lexie just chuckles "That's all I said, I - I didn't want to dare and tell her those words because...the only person I ever told that to was you Lex and, it has been the only time I meant it - so even if she is kinda perfect, as you say...she - she is not my perfect. You know? I tried and...I just wanted to move on I guess, i thought she would help me with that, but - when she told me that - she loved me...The only one I was thinking about...was you."
"I - I was?"
Mark smiles softly at her expression, running his fingers against her skin.
"Yes. Always."
"But Lex - if -if we will do this again, you have to know that...I can't keep breaking up and getting back together. You can't walk away at every single problem. We have to talk it out, okay? Because...If you plan for it to be just like before and if you still are against Sofia or..."
"Woah, woah..wait.." She interrupts him abruptly "Mark I - I never held a grudge against Sofia, I mean...c'mon she's a child. Your child. I - what I.." she stops and takes a breath, repositioning herself on the sofa a little better "What I was upset about was - you making all these life decisions and..creating this family of yours..without me. Without talking to me. You just...threw it in my face like - like it is an easy thing to accept. I always...I just always felt like - I wasn't important enough to you and as if you always thought about someone else before me..."
Lexie's eyes fall closed, and she feels more tears leak from them as she takes a shaky breath.
"You - really felt that way? Like I wasn't putting you first?" Mark asks, bewildered at the conviction in her tone.
"Well...yeah - I mean - That's why, at the time, I always pushed you away...I felt like, again, you won't put me first when it comes to...anything really or that - you will keep making all these decisions without thinking about the way I feel..."
"You shouldn't have felt that way Lex. You were always the most important to me, you should have known that.." Mark assures her apologetically.
"Well...it didn't always feel that way..." Lexie tells him nervously, as she wonders why she didn't dare to tell him before.
"You were always the first person in my mind. I have a girlfriend for five months for god's sake and... every single day I only thought of you." He admits.
"I'll work on it Lex...we'll work on it. Okay? It - it might not be like it used to but - we'll work it out. We will- we will...make it work this time, because...because I know very well that I don't want to spend one more second of my life away from you."
In the silence that follows, she manages to take a shaky breath.
"I still love you too Lex..." he whispers, so close, that she can feel his raspy breath gently touch her skin.
She freezes immediately, feeling her breath get lost somewhere between her lungs and her mouth. Words fail her as quickly as they succeeded her, and even tho everything he said previously indicated to this very moment...it was so much better to finally hear him say it.
Warmth blossomed in Lexie's chest, sparks igniting as Mark leaned in close, lips brushing together, tentatively, as if it was the first time. He could feel her smile as her chest pressed against his.
His lips were soft, almost silken against her own. She could feel the soft tickle of his breath beneath her nose, fingers carding through his hair as they breathed eachother in. His hands moved to wrap instinctively around her back and pull her close.
Lexie couldn't control the flutter within, the lump in her throat, the violent heartbeat...She swallowed hard as she felt his lips send impulses to her spine and he pressed a little harder against her, until their cheeks brushed.
Adrenaline rush. So much of it that she nearly forgot how to breathe, her heart a ticking bomb. Their mouths fuse together passionately, joining and breaking at a constant high-speed rate, until Lexie has to pull back for air, taking a hold of his face as everything around them accelerated.
Just a moment later, her face beamed and started glowing with happiness, overpowering the previously shed tears, as she jumped up and wrapped her arms around Mark like chains. Before she knew it, she was clinched in his arms, pressed to his chest, feeling her feet dangle away from the floor as she gets welcomed into his lap. They clasped together so tightly, they nearly became one person. Closing her eyes against the crock of his neck, she couldn't prevent the shudder that suddenly went through her.
"I love you." He whispered against her silky hair, and she immediately repeated behind him, trying to let him know just how much she actually missed him, feeling as if everything she said before wasn't already enough.
Even though she very much enjoyed this moment, Lexie knew there were a few more things that had to be taken care of. She smiled briefly before biting her lip.
"About Julia.." she begins hesitantly.
"What about her?" Mark questions.
"Well...What are we going to do?"
"We aren't going to do anything," Mark replies. "I will break up with her." He meets her dark eyes.
"You will?" Lexie asks quietly.
Mark nods. "Of course." He sighs softly at the relieved look on her face. "Do you really think I would wait any longer?"
Lexie shrugs noncommittally.
He smiles "Lex," he murmurs "I have been waiting for you too. And trust me when I tell you- I am sick of waiting. I am sick of it and I don't need anymore obstacles standing between us."
"Me neither," Lexie replies quietly.
"Actually...I might as well go and do it right away. She's - home, she doesn't have any surgeries, I can go and..well...do it now." He says as he gets himselt up on his feet, determined to do what he is intended to, surprising Lexie with the sudden ambition taking over.
"Well you better!" A sudden voice called out, which took the couple by surprise, making them turn to another direction, finding none other but Derek Shepherd observing them from a corner, smiling.
"Oh sorry. You see, at first I didn't want to interrupt, but this was too interesting of a reconcile for me to miss." He joked, leaning onto the wall with his arms on his chest.
"H-how long have you been standing there?" Lexie questioned nervously.
"Not too long. But I heard enough." He started "For example I see that you two blind idiots are together again. Congradulations by the way. Finally you realized how big idiots you both are. And also, I think someone needs to go break up with his girlfriend before any inappropriate behavior takes place. " He informs them, this time with a very serious expression.
Mark laughs at his best friend's humor, while Lexie tries her best to hide her face away, trying not to show the now very reddened cheeks, caused by her big brother's words.
But Mark still noticed it.
She was so beautiful when she blushed. It was so sugar sweet, always making his heart rush a little more than usual.
He leaned, took a step forward and before Lexie even knew what was happening, she could feel his lips lightly peck her cheek.
"I'll be back soon...okay?" He whispered gently, making her entire body tingle at the sound of his voice.
"Okay..." she smiles shakily.
"I love you." He murmurs, his lips close to her ear.
And then - her eyes, her lips...her spirit - they all smiled at him. A smile so pure and honest - it felt as if she had painted a ray of sunshine all over her face.
"Sorry Shep, we didn't get to watch the game. I guess some other time." Mark said as he patted his best friend on the shoulder, hurrying to head out the door.
"Forgiven." The neuro surgeon answered with a grin.
Soon, Mark was standing outside the Grey's household, hurrying down the familiar porch and stairs, intended to do the one more thing that had to be done.
Lexie...she wasn't really sure what to think or how to feel. The previous encounter - it - it felt too perfect for it to be reality. At one point, she felt like she needed to pinch herself in order to realize that all of it wasn't just a dream or - a simple product of her imagination.
She felt happy and...also a little overwhelmed and confused.
But above all - she felt relief.
She felt such - pure and blissful relief.
She held her hand close to her chest, trying to compose herself a little more, still feeling triggered by everything that just happened. She could even hear her own heart beating. It pumped her blood through her vains, as it rushed to the tip of her fingers, the pulse coming in hot waves.
And then came the happiness. It finally felt like - all the struggles, all the pain - didn't matter anymore. The worry was gone, together with the fear and - everything felt so...right.
It felt as if someone hit a fast-forward button on the past couple of months of Lexie's life. It's like nothing happened - they never broke up, she never broke down and nothing was ever wrong.
"Well, Little Grey.." Derek called out, as he noticed the funny expression on the young girl's face "I think we can both agree that you should listen to me more often."
"W-what just...happened?" She asked, a little shakily, in denial of everything that happened in the past half an hour.
"I am pretty sure he said he loved you too." Her brother stated lightly, trying to brighten up the mood "Aaaand - I am also pretty sure he is about to break up with Julia for you."
"He - he is...isn't he?" She exhales softly, and a tiny smile graces her lips. It's just a bit more defined than the last.
"He is..." Derek agrees "well, this was fun, but it's getting late." he says as he glances at the watch on his wrist, checking the time "I will take Zola to bed, I think everyone else is on-call tonight so they won't be coming back. Are you staying here?"
"Yeah I - I will...wait for him to...umm - to come back..." she mumbled, before taking a piece of her hair and placing it behind her ear.
"Okay then...and...Lexie..?" He called out.
"Yeah?"
"I am happy for you. For the both of you. Really." He tells her honestly.
"Thanks Derek." She answered and smiled genuinely, before she then watched her brother-in-law disappear onto the upper floor.
The next couple of hours happened to drag on for a bit too long, leaving Lexie panicking. She has been pacing around the house, rather nervously, for about an hour straight. The sofa stopped being her comfort spot, and for a change, it even started to make her feel a little uncomfortable, leaving her in a terrible need to just get off of it. Sitting around wouldn't make the time pass quicker. She knew that.
She kept on walking, with her arms pressed to her chest, holding herself tightly, going from one room to the other. She kept chewing on her bottom lip, lost in thoughts of dire consequences of her previous actions, afraid to even think of what was going on between Julia and Mark at this very moment.
So she kept going.
She was currently in the kitchen, circling around the counter, resisting an enormous desire to open the fridge and eat all of the food stacked inside.
The lines of stress form on her forehead, as she blows her cheeks out with a heavy breath meant to steady herself. One of her hands grabbed onto the arm of the chair placed next to her, while her fingers were seeking out for anything they could hold on to.
Lexie continued to wander restlessly around the rooms, her feet tapping quietly in a quick rhytm against the floor.
She takes a quiet breath, exhales it, and lifts her head to look over at the door, again - hoping that Mark would be the one she will see outside.
She was steeped in guilt. She felt as if she had done something so wrong, ignoring the fact that it felt so right. Julia is such an amazing person. Lexie - she met her and she - she liked her.
The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her feelings.
Lexie wasn't like that. She never wanted to harm anyone with her actions, even if all she did was a simple "I love you" and a kiss.
She loves Mark. She does. And she never wants to be apart from him - after this...ever again. She realized that the hard way. Without him she was - she was lost. Completely. She didn't even feel like herself anymore.
But...putting away all those feelings - it still hurt to know that...she - Lexie Grey...would be the cause of someone's hurting - of someone's pain.
The room goes dark a moment later when she flicks off the last of the remaining lights, before she sits back on the couch and covers herself with a blanket.
She breathes in one more time, leaning her head onto her hand, as she checks the watch on the wall, and easily gets distracted by the way the lines move.
She quickly gets lost in her thoughts, wondering if Mark even planned to come back at all.
Lexie was pretty sure that she was awake and that it hadn't been more than a couple of minutes since she crashed her exhausted body onto the coziness of the couch, but - she couldn't remember that anyone pushed their way through the door or even stumbled quietly into the room.
She felt tired - yet not as tired as a little while ago. Before she, most probably took a nap, she felt as she was going on a five percent battery.
She heard how someone whispered her name softly, before the aching weight of consciousness flooded her muscles and she groaned. Waking up hurt. Especially if it was still the middle of the night.
"Lex-" she heard again.
Whatever her cheek was pressed against, smelled different from her pillow. Muzzily, she touched the battered fabric and remembered that she wasn't in her own room. She was curled up tightly, fully dressed with a blanket spread over her entire body, on the small living room couch. She noticed a cramp in her neck, and she slowly untangled herself from the covers in order to rub it.
"Decided to take a nap?" Mark whispered with a grin.
"You - you're back..." she said, the lag in her brain making the words clumsy. She paused, collecting herself, as her mouth tasted bitter.
"Of course I am back." Mark assures her "Sorry I - I didn't think it would take this long." He told her apologetically.
"H-how did it go? Was she - was she mad or - does she hate me or something? I mean - she has every right to hate me, who knows how much she is suffering because of what I did - It's just - it took you so long and - and I got worried...Are you okay?...What happened?" She panicked, but tried to be as quiet as possible, not wanting to wake up Derek and Zola who have been peacefully sleeping for hours upstairs. Her heart was beating uncomfortably under her ribs as her stomach churned.
"Only you would think about how Julia is too at this type of a situation." He jokes, as she shrugs uncomitally.
"It - it didn't go too bad. She was, shocked, you could say. She didn't expect it since - we didn't have any problems." He starts slowly "We talked about it...a lot. She just - she wanted to understand, I guess...in detail, what exactly happened. I told her everything and she...she was overwhelmed and I just...I tried to say it in the best way, trying not to hurt her as much, which was..hard." he pauses, taking in a deep breath "She said that-"
"She - she said what, Mark?" Lexie questions as she tries to get a little closer to him, allowing their fingers to touch.
"She said that she noticed." He told her, then placed her warm hand into his "I mean, not us, since nothing actually happened before tonight, but...She saw that I was always scared to take more steps in the relationship - she said that she thought it was because of Sofia, me wanting what's best for her...That's why she didn't doubt in the relationship much, even if I would neglect her from time to time, she just...Sofia...she thought it was because of her."
Dazedly, Lexie stared at him until what he said went through.
"Is - is she okay? You know that I never meant to harm her and I - she is...she really is amazing you know? I just...I really hope that I didn't hurt her much..." she asked, with a rather guilty look in her eyes.
"Don't worry about that. She will be fine." He exclaimed, trying his best to make her feel better, not really succeeding in the task.
"Hey..." he calls out "I love you. Okay? So...just forget about it. She will be fine, I promise you Lex. You-you didn't do anything wrong." By now, he was used to her uncertainties.
"Okay..." she replied.
"I love you too, you know?" She asks, and a bright smile flickers on her previously worried face.
Mark takes a second to admire her, before he tucks a lock of her mid - length hair behind her ear, placing his hand onto her soft cheek in the end.
"I know." Mark assures her "I know you do."
He bends his head down, silencing her quiet laughter with a kiss. This one is slow, deep, long. Her free hand reaches up to cup the back of his neck as the kiss goes on and on; while his burrows in her long hair, she sighs into his skin.
They kiss eachother with love. With I'm-still-in-love-with-you love. With unbreakable love, unshakable love, endless love.
He bends his neck down so harshly to meet her lips as deep as he can that he's certain he'll have an ache the next morning…
"Mark...let's just...go to my room..." She tells softly, not even two seconds after his lips have left hers, and she closes her eyes, smiling.
"Well look who's suddenly awake. Weren't you dead tired about 5 minutes ago?" He teases, noticing the sudden energy.
"Well - I think I had enough sleep for one night." She snickers seductively into his ear with a smile.
Mark just grins, suddenly facing the floor, as Lexie gets up on her feet, falling back to her usual height.
He follows after her and gets up himself, allowing their fingers to touch again.
A moment later, Lexie quietly gasped in disappointment as Mark let go of her hand.
Later though, she realized - he had done it only so he could stand right behind her, with her back smashed against his chest. He completely pressed her against him, placing his chin onto her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her hair and sliding his arms around her waist.
In the shadows of the dark room, her neck was so close to him that he could smell the sweet fragrance of her perfume which overpowered his thoughts, and the tips of his lips touched her neck just so lightly, as if only trying to get a taste.
It was just a simple touch - so small, that - in most situations...Lexie wouldn't have even noticed it.
She could feel a chill, making her spine tingle, her body hair rise, her heart stir...It felt - electrifying.
She could feel him smile. She could - she could feel it.
And she didn't dare to say a word. She was silent.
She could hear each and every one of her breaths.
It was mesmerizing to Mark - she was mesmerizing. The way - the way that previously little tickle opened her heart. The way he knew exactly what he caused within her the moment he stepped so close.
The moment his lips finally pressed against her burning skin, on that place right under her ear - the place where, he still remembered, she loves to be kissed so much, it started a fire within her no one else could ever ignite.
Those sweet kisses upon her neck were the key to her heart and soul. For every time he placed them there - she knew she'd adore him for all time. The warm shivers kept spreading out in a wave, all over her tickling body.
Her breathing was labored...it was clogged - ragged. And he kept going, he didn't stop. And she was silent. She didn't say a word.
She let herself enjoy the wonderful feeling. She let herself dive into the ecstasy. She let herself get lost - in him.
"M-Mark." She managed, finally, as the air was forced out of her lungs, emerging in a gasp.
"I guess...we should go to the attic?" He suggests in a husky tone, before noticing the enormous smile that had emerged on her desperate-looking face.
"Oh thank god." She beams, making her way up the stairs and pulling him behind her.
She hadn't been prepared for such intensity - though she should have been, because as soon as the tiny doors of the well known attic closed up, Mark didn't try to waste one single second.
His arms instinctively closed up around her fragile body in the speed of light, connecting their lips in such pure passion, which had made Lexie's body light up like New Year's.
He's kissing her. Once, twice, until he has the taste of her skin in his mouth and realizes he'll never have enough. He's everywhere - up her back and over her arms, her neck and lips, but suddenly-he's kissing her harder, deeper. He's holding her tighter, closer - as if not wanting to ever let go. Never again.
And she's kissing back. She let's herself get lost...once again, forgetting about the world or anyone else outside of the little room. His hands roamed her body, and every single touch ignited a familiar feeling - a feeling she had been craving for in months and months behind.
Her breathing was unsteady, sounding like short little spurts.
"We should..." she tries breathlessly, with Mark ignoring her need to say something important "Be quiet.." she finishes.
He murmurs into her lips, saying something Lexie was completely sure was a conformation, and doesn't give it anymore thought as his tounge slips inside her mouth, gentle yet demanding.
She feels her body get pushed behind, realizing that Mark's next target was nothing other but the bed itself. She smiles to herself, allowing the happiness to hit her in the face if it wanted to.
As Lexie now gets lost in the smell and comfort of her sheets, she could feel how he trails a finger down the length of her back, playing with her still unexposed body, as she prickles at the touch.
They undress eachother slowly, garment by garment, until soon the only thing covering them both were themselves.
It was just the two of them now.
Skin to skin.
"I love you.." he whispers, his voice low and gravelly as he kisses her sweet skin and nips at her earlobe. It sounds almost as rough as his beard feels while it scratches against the side of her neck.
"Oh...I missed you..."
And she did. She missed him with all her being.
But not anymore.
He was with her now.
Everything was just the way it was supposed to be.
The two of them.
It was always supposed to be the two of them.
She groans aloud at his stalling, and his quiet laughter rumbles an amused reply.
She sighs happily as his weight settles above her. He reaches behind, the fingers from one hand trailing sensually down from her knee to her ankle, and hooking that leg behind his back. She lifts the other to join its twin, and then flexes them both, drawing him close.
He grins, bending down to kiss her, long and slow and deep. His fingers are tangled in her long, wavy hair, now spread all over the pillow underneath her.
That touch-it was all it took. It was all it took for him to drive her crazy - again.
Their hands were all over eachother. They're desperate and wanting, clawing to get closer and closer.
When their lips inevitably have to part, his move to her neck, sucking her skin. His lips cover her pulse point, and Lexie's head falls back against the bed as a loud moan escapes her mouth at the feeling.
"I need you," she murmurs in his ear, not unlike the devil that's been whispering from its perch on his shoulder "I need you right now...please..."
But before acting on her wish, he took a second and stared at her.
Her lips already looked swollen. Her eyes were focused on him, as if knowing what he is thinking about this very second, and her legs parted a bit more with every passing moment. For just a second, the almost identical sight of her, just a bit more than three years ago, the beautiful picture that will always be burned into his brain, flashed through his mind.
Her lips were soft and wet, firm of her arms around his shoulders was tight, her skin was warm, and he felt like he could lose his mind in overwhelming yearning for her taste, her scent, her touch.
She was his again.
He thought to himself.
And this time...there's no giving up.
Lexie was very aware of an unrestrained lust burning in his blue eyes and flaring all over his face - but then he pushed inside her, and he had done it with the greatest delicacy, slowly and tenderly, inch by inch.
He caught her squeezing her eyes and sucking in her breath, her fingers gripping at the sheets, as he gave her a few moments of stillness.
They spent the following night loving eachother, trying to make it up to themselves after not being able to for such a long time. They worshipped eachother, they laughed and moaned, kissed and sighed as the feeling of one - another made them feel unstoppable.
They were those kind of lost lovers, reuniter for the last time.
Each kiss meant more than a thousand words. Each touch meant more to them than any other touch before. Each panting breath represented so much more than any breath they inhaled in their entire lifetimes.
Because it was the two of them again.
It was Mark and Lexie again.
Finally...it was Mark and Lexie again.
She falls against his side with a half-laugh, half-gasp escaping her mouth. Her lips are swollen, and cheeks flushed, as she fights for more oxygen.
Her body bounces lightly on the mattress, and before they can both fall away from eachother, his arms curl out to wrap around her back and hold her close. He's out of breath and so is she, but their resulting kiss is long and engaged anyway. They're panting as they finally manage to pull away for real breaths.
Not ready to let go, not yet at least, Lexie leans forward, pressing kisses to his cheeks and neck. He smiles as she does so, letting his eyes fall closed. He wraps his other arm around her, rolling over until she's lying flat on her back beneath him. He braces himself with his elbows, slipping his hands into that small space between her back and the sheets to run them all over her still-sweaty skin.
Unable to hold himself away, he collapses down against her, burying his head deep into the junction of her neck and shoulder, the space perfumed by the luscious and overpowering sent of her hair.
"Is this real?" He mumbles against her collarbone. His hands crisscross behing her back, clutching her so close that she's unsure if she can even breathe. But a second later...she realizes that it doesn't matter, because this...this was exactly what she craved for so badly.
"What do you mean?" She manages when she can, still struggling to breathe. Her tinkling laugh makes him smile against her warm skin.
"Just...is this real? Because...I am - well, praying that all of this wasn't just a dream and I'll wake up without you in the morning." Comes the mumbled sentence from deep in his throat.
"Oh, it's real..." she adds quietly, as if trying to convince herself the same thing "It's...it's the realest thing that happened to me in months and it's - it's real."
"Good. Because I want it to stay that way." He groans, pressing his head against her neck even harder.
"Sorry..." he apologizes when she tries to make herself more comfortable "I'm a little overwhelmed right now. I can't even think straight." He mutters.
"Oh, it's okay." She braces herself, flexing her thighs and calves for a second - and just like that, they've rolled over again; he let's out an audible '-oof ' when his back hits the mattress. She smiles down at him from above, bending down to press her lips against his. Her hair falls down too, tickling his skin and hypersensitive nerves.
"I love you-" she whispers against his lips.
He mumbles "I love you..." back at her, but lost in the kiss she is, he's unsure if she even heard it. Her arm moves to wrap around his head, her hand burrowing at the small hairs at the base of his neck, and when he pulls her close, he realizes that talking isn't important right now. It's actions that rule the night, and their actions say everything that could ever need to be said.
He watches her sleep.
There's just something so special about her, especially when she is lost in her dreams; maybe the way she cuddles up close to him, allowing him to warm her up and hold her tight, or...or maybe the way she flinches at the slightest move he makes, letting him know that letting her go was not an option, even if she was still very much unconscious. Maybe- even that little face she makes every time she is asleep, letting herself seem like a little five year old girl.
Or maybe all of it.
All of her.
It was still early in the following morning. The day dawned crisp and clear, as the first rays of sunlight lit up the room. The curtains on the tiny window just above the two lovers added an orange glow to the morning light, warming up the atmosphere.
Mark breathes in deeply.
A new day has begun.
A day - a morning...so different compared to the last one he woke up to.
He reflects on the previous night, all of the memories rushing back in a wave.
He didn't expect to be here. He didn't expect to be this close to her. He didn't expect that - once again, he will be able to touch her, in a way he had done for hours and hours tonight.
He takes a look at her again, taking in the beauty laying next to him. Her little bangs were now spread out and messy, and her cheeks were still pink and flushed. He could swear that she was smiling, as if she was awake, but he could have just imagined that. Her lips were still inviting, being inevitably close to his own.
"Stop staring at me..." she murmurs tiredly, her morning voice harsh and deep unlike her usual soft tone.
"I can't-"he tells her stubbornly.
"Why?" She questions, her eyes half closed, with her head pressed onto Mark's bare chest.
"You're too beautiful. I can't resist you..." he answers her with such honesty-honesty that could have been heard in his voice only. He really meant what he said.
"Mhhm?" She mumbles,pulling him closer and letting the feeling of his warmth electrocute her entire body.
"Well, good morning sleepy head." He whispers, his lips already migrating to her neck as they lie beside eachother.
"Morning..." she murmurs back, not having enough strength to say anything properly, as she melts in the small kisses he delicately spreads around her neck.
"We have work - we should get up soon. You have rounds with the interns..." Mark let's her know, running his hands lightly over her hips.
"I know, I know...I just - god, I really don't want to. Can we just never leave the bed? The stupid interns can find someone else."
He can't help but smile, automatically lying back as she rolls atop him and settles her slim body above his.
"I wish..."
She frowns,pulling back to look at him in the eyes.
"So..." he starts, stroking her hair "I was thinking-"
She chuckles "You were thinking..." and laughs quietly to herself.
"Yeah, I was thinking..." Mark repeats flatly "So, I have Sofia tonight and - I was thinking,if you wanna come over and...just...join us- because, I would love for you to..If you want to, ofcourse..."
Her eyes are rolling in their sockets before he even finishes talking. She was annoyed at that uncertainty he presented the question with.
"Why the hell are you so nervous? Ofcourse I will come Mark. Did you seriously think that I would say no?"
He just shrugs, not knowing what to say in defense.
"I'll come. We can spend the evening together and...I can cook something if you want to - I...I want us to do this right...So let's just - we can be together tonight, with Sofia and I could maybe get to know her a little better. We're doing this the way we should...this time so...I'll come. Ofcourse I'll come." She smiles, and in a second, their lips are crashing back together again.
They hold eachother tightly, enjoying the wonderful embrace, slowly losing air as their lips play with one-another.
"God, I love you." He mumbles against her lips.
A couple of moments later, the two people get interrupted as the crying sound of an infant spreads around the house.
Lexie sighs, taking the baby's muffled cries as her 'time to get up' call.
"Zola..." Mark and Lexie say at the same time, laughing at themselves afterwards.
"Yeah, we...we should go to work." She tells him, with obvious disappointment heard in her voice.
"Yeah,I know..." he agrees quietly.
In the soft white-gold light of the new day, Lexie kisses her boyfriend one last time, before getting up and trying to pick up their remaining clothes from the floor.
"Hey Lex..." He called out, still astonished by her beauty and the way she makes him feel with the slightest of efforts.
"Yeah?" She questions, connecting their gazes.
"I love you!" He whispers to her, making her eyes crinkle at the edges and the corners of her lips turn upwards.
Soon enough -he was grinning, and so was she.
"I love you too." She whispers back, as they dose the painful separation that's plagued them for so long. They soon forget about all the pain, the sadness and loneliness they felt during the time they have spent apart from eachother.
From this day forward, the horrifying past didn't matter, and the good stuff were the only ones to be remembered.
They had their whole future waiting for them.
A whole life ahead of them.
A life. Their life.
And they wouldn't waste one single minute.
Happy to hear your thoughts!