Warning: Rated T for strong language

A/N: Thanks for your patience. I have a busy week this week and next…so it's been a little tough keeping up with daily updates. Here is your next chapter.

Chapter 13 – First Date – Maybe Second Date

Lexie

I stood in front of my mirror smoothing out my black dress—yes, the same black dress that Jo had squashed when I wanted to wear it to the gala. My bedroom door flung open, both April and Jo strutting in. Jo flung herself on my bed, while April remained standing.

"Wow…you look pretty," said April.

Jo bounced on my bed. "Got a hot date?"

I kept my eyes on the mirror, but even I could not hide the blush or smile on my face. "Maybe," I said evasively.

Jo sat up and leaned forward clearly interested now. "You do have a hot date," she surmised.

"This is so exciting," said April. Jo looked at her with scrunched up brows, which April shrugged. "What? It's not really like either of us have lives of our own, right now."

Jo scoffed. "Speak for yourself."

I turned from the mirror. "Are you telling us that you are holding out on us, and you have a boyfriend?"

Jo looked away and at her hand. She never seemed this nervous looking before. She was the queen of moving around these walls and halls of the hospital without anyone knowing when she was there. It almost seemed that she was suddenly shy about anyone wanting to know what was going on with her personally.

"Plead the fifth," she responded. She looked back up at me. "So, who is your hot date with?"

It was my turn to be evasive now. Mark and I had decided it was best to keep things a secret. Things were still so new, and even though I was sure of what I wanted—being with him—he was adamant that if anyone found out about us that all of the work at the hospital that I had done would have a black mark listed next to it. Everyone would only think I got those opportunities because of who I might be interested in being with.

I wanted to hope that wasn't true. After all, Meredith and Derek were together, and everyone could see that my sister was a force to be reckoned with. Everyone could see that it didn't matter in the slightest that she is sleeping with Derek. Mark had drilled in me that I hadn't been here during the start of the relationship and the gossip and disproving backlash they had faced.

But they were stronger then ever. They were so in love, and even the most in love couples all faced their own troubles. I was confident—even this early on—that Mark and I could have what it takes to tackle on anything.

I realized that April and Jo were still starring at me waiting for my reply. "Uh, just some guy at the gala I met," I lied.

April's eyes went wider. "You met a good looking, wealthy, powerful guy at the gala and you didn't tell us?"

"I never said he was any of those things," I rebutted.

Jo scoffed. "He would have to be in order for you to be this worked up about going on a date."

I couldn't deny that. I was nervous. I didn't know why. Mark and I had kissed several times, and we even had several real deep conversations, but that still didn't matter. This was the first time we were actually going out together knowing that it was as something more than just…friends.

I decided to keep to some truths, even if they were half-truths. "I'm really nervous," I admitted.

"You really like this guy," April observed.

I shook my head up and down. "I do."

"It's natural to be nervous," April agreed.

I turned to fully face my friends now. "What if…what if he realizes that I am nothing special? He's this attractive, accomplished, smart guy and…well, I am nothing special."

Jo smiled. "So, first, I was right about the guy. Second, he wouldn't be going out with you if he didn't see the same things. Third, I am like literally the best when it comes to wrapping guys around my finger, so if you want any pointers…I'm your girl."

April tsked. "I don't think gaining a man's affections by playing a metaphorical game of chess is right."

Jo sneered. "Which is why you are single. It's always about making sure to have the upper hand. Keeping the man hooked constantly."

I frowned. "I don't want to play games."

Jo laughed. "Listen, men always want the most flashy, sexy, and impressive young thing. It's always about keeping their attention so they don't want to find that next thing."

April looked appalled. "That's not true. Love isn't like that."

Jo looked at April like she was a child. "That's because men are like that. But…really, what would you know about that. You still play in the pond these days."

"Jo!" I chided.

"What! I'm not trying to be harsh. I am trying to make her understand that these little ideals and bubbles she has created in her head are not what is out here in the real word."

"You really are a cynic," April mumbled.

Something flashed in Jo's eyes, and for the first time I could see the chink in her well-crafted armor bend. The walls she had built up. Jo never talked about her childhood or times before medical school, but I had taken enough psychology courses to know that whatever trauma Jo had sustained had stuck with her.

"Not all of us can be sheltered from the real world," she said sadly.

"But you like Alex," said April.

My eyes snapped to Jo's whose expression transformed to shock before she masked it. "As my resident, sure."

"You seem awfully friendly with your resident. Some might get the wrong impression," she continued.

"Yeah, well Lexie is friendly with George, but I don't see you accusing her of sleeping with her resident," Jo shot back.

"Because Lexie is clearly interested in the guy, she is going out with on a date tonight," rebutted April.

"Doesn't mean she can't be sleeping with George at the same time."

April huffed. "Lexie would never sleep with her boss!"

"Alright, enough!" I yelled. Both April and Jo looked at me. "We are friends. Friends. Can we stop fighting with each other and go back to talking about dresses and cases we worked, and how hot men are instead?"

"Fine," they said in unison.

"Now, I am going to be late. I just have a few finishing touches…so if you would please," I said my gaze motioning to the door.

"Of course," April said. "Have a good time on your date tonight."

Jo climbed off the bed to follow her. "Keep your hair down. Men like when a woman's hair is down," she suggested.

"Thank you. Both of you," I called out before my door shut.

I turned back to my mirror and thought about whether I would keep my hair up or down. This time, I agreed with Jo. Mark did seem to like when my hair was down, always finding ways to run his hands through, and that thought alone made a shiver run up the back of my spine.

My nerves were already out of control, and now April and Jo's bickering and words were in the back of my mind. Lexie would never sleep with her boss. She was right in that I had no interest in sleeping with George, but if she knew how badly I wanted that when it came to Mark, I was sure that appalled look with be back in her expression.

Mark was right. Keeping things, a secret right now was for the best. I took one last look in the mirror and then made my way to the restaurant for our date.

I was glad that the weather had held while I made the drive to the restaurant. Mark and I agreed that the risk of going together—since we lived in the same apartment building on the same floor—would cause too many suspicions.

As I pulled up to the restaurant, it was swankier than the pictures on line even showed. This was definitely the look of a five-star restaurant. A man in black pants and a red jacket opened my car door, offering his hand as I stepped out and he climbed in.

"The hostess will see to your reservation," he said, handing me a piece of paper to confirm my car.

I didn't even need to reach the hostess, because instead of Mark already seated at the table waiting for me, he had waited for me to arrive. It made me smile.

My breath hitched as I took at look at him and his outfit. Gorgeous was an understatement. I had seen Mark in casual clothes and his scrubs, but seeing Mark dressed up in suit, looking as handsome as he did, did a whole other thing to the insides of my stomach. I could feel the flip flop with each step I took.

He wore a blue suit that matched the icy blue of his eyes. A white crisp button down shirt, which he left the top two buttons undone and forgo the tie. I could see the tan skin just under his throat, his collarbone, and the beginnings of his chest, and it made me want to run my hands up and down his chest continually.

I tried to take a deep breath myself, as his eyes raked over me and my black dress. It was a simple black dress. Nothing like the red gown I had worn to the gala, but the fire blazing in his eyes had been that same spark as if I was wearing the red gown again. I chose my higher of the heels, remembering how much Mark liked my legs when I wore the red strappy ones. As it was, his gaze already reached my legs, my dress coming just to mid-thigh giving him a rather eye full of my exposed skin.

His eyes did that slow tortuous scan back up my body, and I had to keep from using my clutch to fan myself. Why was it so hot in here? My dress wasn't scandalous by any means. The style of the dress was a princess cut bodice, with a circle skirt, and a scalloped neckline that didn't even show the outline of my breasts. Compared to my red gown, this was completed tamed. The way Mark was looking at me however; made me feel as if he had Superman's x-ray vision. That thrilled me even more.

I walked the last few steps, even though it felt like a mile walking up towards him, his lips curving into a smile as his eyes reached my face.

"You look…" his voice was rough and raspy, and it did wonderfully sweet things to me.

I smiled. "You look just as amazing," I replied, understanding exactly what he meant.

"Dr. Sloan, your table is ready," the hostess behind us said, pulling us from our own little bubble.

I thought back to Jo's words and thought she had to be wrong. Not all men could be like she said they were. Because as the hostess walked us through the restaurant to our seats, Mark's hand was firmly on my back, and I could feel his eyes on my skin heating me to my core. I knew deep in my soul this wasn't just about Mark getting a taste before moving on to the next big thing. This…whatever it was happening between us…was real.

Mark

I was so sure of one thing. Lexie Grey was the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on. She could walk up to me in a burlap sack, and nothing would change the fact that she was easily the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. The most beautiful woman in the room.

And she was with me.

The dress she was wearing was demure in that it wasn't showing anything that would be deemed improper, but yet, just seeing her creamy skin around her collarbone and shoulder and those legs….

It was enough to make me want to lose all train of thoughts. If it had been any other woman, and I was the other man that I had been prior to Lexie, then the only thing I would be thinking about is how quickly we could get through dinner so we could go back to my place and I could strip her as fast as possible.

With Lexie, it was different. A scary different, but a good different. I wanted to be with her and learn more about her. I wanted to have a PHD in Lexie Grey. I was already getting high remarks on how to make her heady and dripping with want, but, for once, I wanted to have high remarks for something else.

I managed to reach the table at the same time as our hostess, pulling out the chair for Lexie. She smiled at me, as she primly sat in her seat, sliding her legs so they moved forward, before I slowly slid her in. I unbuttoned my suit jacket, pulled out my own chair and sat. Our hostess offered us our menu's letting us know that our waiter would be right with us.

We took those first few minutes to look at our menu, even though every couple of seconds I could feel the weight of her gaze on me. "What?" I asked.

She bit her lip. "I've never eaten at a place this nice. I am not really sure what to order," she said, her eyes glancing back at the menu.

"Would you like me to select something for you?" I offered.

She looked up and nodded. "I would love that."

Our waiter appeared out of nowhere, instantly taking down our order and my request to bring us a bottle of an expensive wine that I knew Lexie would really like. I had ordered a filet mignon with lobster in a butter sauce for myself, and the seabass with a crab and seafood stuffing with a cream sauce for her.

"So…"

"So…" I repeated.

We both looked at each other and laughed. The situation was a little comical since it really wasn't the first time, we were meeting like a couple would on a first date. We had already kissed several times, and thinking back to our date at the diner, we had already flowed and talked so easily. The only difference I could think about was that in those circumstances we hadn't yet labeled what we were and now she fully was aware that I was interested in being more than just friends.

I did the one thing I knew would relax her and ease her into this date and the Lexie I was particularly interested in. I asked her about work.

Lexie

"You never did tell me how you figured out the case that won us this time off," Mark said.

I smiled, my shoulders visibly relaxing at the comment. "It was actually something that you said that trigged my memory," I said, taking a sip of my wine.

"Really?"

I nodded. "I had read an article about weather changes and how it affects the environment within regions," I explained.

"What made you want to read that?"

I laughed. "My friends and I in school had the genius idea that during one of our breaks from school, that we might want to go camping. When I started to plan and read up on what you needed and what you could encounter, I came across all the different kind of…bugs and dangers you could encounter in the woods. Let's just say, we all quickly changed our mind on that idea." My hands slipped from the table and back in my lap. "One of the articles I read was about ticks and the different kinds. I remembered reading about the months they were most susceptible to biting and the recent uptake in cases of the virus. When you had mentioned that he had been outdoors, coupled with the fact it is in September—one of the breeding months—it kind of just clicked with his symptoms," I concluded.

"Impressive," he complimented.

I felt the blush rising to my cheeks at his praise. I hated to admit how those simple praises did funny things to my insides.

"Mark Sloan, is that you?"

We both turned in the direction of a man with dark hair, about the same height and age as Mark, his hand on the small of the back of his date. She was just as elegant and pretty looking as him. Mark stood instantly, his lips spreading into a smile as he extended his hand out to shake the man he obviously knew.

"Ethan Kingsley," he said. "Candace, great to see you again," he said turning to the man's date.

"I thought I heard you left New York to come to Seattle, but I never believed it," he said.

His gaze traveled past Mark, and then looked at me. Mark followed his gaze. "Allow me to introduce you to my date, Dr. Lexie Grey," I said.

Ethan shook my hand, but looked back at Mark with a clarifying question in his eye. "A doctor? Date?"

Ethan's date looked at me questioningly before looking at Mark and then back at me. Ohmygod…did she like him? Did they…

"What brings you out to Seattle?" Mark asked ignoring his previous questions.

"Candace as family out here and I was also needed for a consult," replied Ethan.

Mark turned to me. "Ethan is a psychiatrist. We use to refer patients to him all of the time when he worked in New York," he explained.

I nodded and turned to Ethan. "No problem can be solved with the same level of consciousness that created it," I said.

Ethan beamed at with a large smile. "I like this one," he said.

"Come darling, we should leave them to their date," Candace clucked, not liking that not only that it seemed I had Mark's attention but now the approval of her date.

"Right. Well, it was great seeing you again. Give my best to Derek, as I am sure that if you are here, he is as well." Ethan turned to me. "It was an absolute pleasure meeting you, Dr. Grey," he said, his eyes twinkling.

When Ethan and Candace were out of earshot and we sat back down, I grabbed my glass of wine and took a sip. "What was that you quoted to him?" he asked.

I grinned. "A quote from Albert Einstein. My professor in my psych class loved that quote and made it seem it was universally loved by all in the profession. I thought I would see if that theory held true," I answered.

He smirked. "Is there anything you don't know?"

His comment wasn't condescending or even jealous, but a praise that told me once again I was continuing to surprise him. "Plenty, but I am also full of surprises."

His eyes darkened. "Oh, I know," he replied, his voice turning all throaty.

Our waiter took that moment to interrupt, by placing our dinners in front of us. I looked down at my lovely piece of white fish with the crab stuffing and cream sauce and shot Mark a smile. He couldn't have picked a better dinner for me. This looked amazing.

"So, um, what is the deal with Ethan and Candace?" I asked trying to sound even and nonchalant.

Mark cut into his steak slicing a nice cut. "You caught that, didn't you?"

"That Candace was clearly into you…yes."

He looked up to me his brows furrowed. "Candace?"

I nodded. "Yes. She seemed awfully surprised to hear that you were on a date and the looks she was giving me told me she did not like that it was I you were on a date with."

I paused, because this next part was one, I was dreading asking. Candace's expression screamed that she was very interested in Mark—or worse that she was jealous—that Mark was on a date. I am not naïve by any means of Mark's past or the fact that he was someone who slept around a lot. I just didn't want it to be true that he might have slept with her.

He sat back, a confused expression on his face. "I was talking about Ethan and the way he was looking at you," he said.

"Me? Why would he be looking at me? He's married and…" my voice trailed off at the look Mark was giving me.

My eyes went round and I understood the meaning behind his eyes. He was telling me that Ethan Kingsley was interested me in that way. But that didn't make any sense…he was married. Then it hit me. Candace was looking at Mark the same way that Ethan was apparently looking at me.

"But their married," I blurted.

He shrugged. "They have an open marriage," he said casually.

My nose crinkled at the idea. My fork started pushing the food around on my plate. "Is…is that something you are interested in?"

His jaw tightened, as he dropped his fork and knife and looked me right in the eye, holding me there until he was sure that I was looking directly at him. "No. That is not something I am interested in. I don't like to share. Especially when it comes to you," he answered.

I felt a ripple of heat course all the way through me and right between my legs. His words were so solid and rich, it was as if a piece of the most decadent desert was placed in front of me and I had just taken the first bite. Better than anything you had ever tasted, and you wanted to savor every minute, because you were sure that when you were done, you would never experience anything like it again.

I picked back up my fork, guessing that my cheeks must have been the color of the red lipstick I was wearing at that notion.

"And to answer the other question that I know you want to ask, but you haven't…I have never, nor will I ever, convent Ethan's wife," he said.

A ball formed in the back of my throat. "Even though she is clearly interested and willing to be with you?" I pressed. I didn't know why I was doing it…but apparently, I did.

"Even then. I'm not interested in her. I am interested in only you," he said.

And now I had to be as red as a tomato. I looked back at my plate, stabbing a piece of my fish with my fork. "The same for me, when it comes to you," I said softly.

He smiled with a slight nod, and then we started to eat our dinner. After a few minutes of comfortable silence there was something else that Ethan had said in our short interaction together.

"What did Ethan mean when he said that he was surprised that you left New York, and that if you were here that meant Derek was here?" I asked.

He chewed his piece of steak in his mouth slowly. "Because ever since Derek took me in, he and I have been sort of inseparable. He's my brother," he answered.

There was more to that, I could see it behind his eyes. It was something that Mark guarded very deeply and probably rarely told anyone, because up until now, Mark didn't really talk about himself, nor did he do relationships. He wasn't used to opening up to anyone and talking about the deep and ugly things like I had done with him at the diner.

I realized now how hard it must've been at the diner for him to open up and tell me as it was about his mother and father. He had done it because he could see how difficult it had been for me to tell him fully about my father, and he was trying. He was trying for me. That thought made my heart ache for him and send another ripple of want for him that he was going so outside his comfort zone for me.

"Why did Derek leave New York then? Someone had said that you both had a practice while you were there?" I asked.

Mark sighed, his eye contact breaking from me as he looked down at his plate. Whatever the reason was, I could see that it was one that carried a lot of emotion and remorse in his features as his throat tightened.

"You don't have to tell me," I said suddenly.

He shook his head, but lifted it to meet my eyes. "You deserve to know the truth." He paused, and his expression turned to a pain one. "It's just…"

"What?"

"I worry that once you know, you might take off running and not look back," he admitted.

I was sure that whatever it was couldn't be that bad. Deep down, I knew that Mark was a good person. He sometimes did bad things, but he wasn't a bad guy. Even when he was making fun of George, yes, it was mean and childish and I didn't like it, I could still understand why he was doing it. The place he was coming from in wanting to protect his friend and the hurt that had been caused. He was just going about it the wrong way.

This…this seemed different. I recognized the signs because it was the same contempt like feeling he held deep in his soul just as I did with my father. Something that was so wrong either done by him or to him that it was a scar that would never heal. Even for a man that was skilled at making sure his patients never had a scar if they could help it.

I wanted to offer him the comfort and support that he had been offering me since the moment we met. His strength that he offered me in dealing with my father and being able to see that I was worth more then being is verbal and physical punching bag.

"I think you should know by now, that I don't scare so easily," I said, my voice remaining calm, leveled, my gaze never leaving his.

He stared at me for a moment, before he gave me a slight nod, and blew out a breath. "Derek left New York because of me. He was trying to get away from his life."

My forehead scrunched together. "Why?"

He let out another ragged sigh. "Because his wife, Addison, had an affair…with me," he divulged.

I was aware that he was watching me and my reaction. I was surprised to say the least, that had been what had occurred, but knowing Mark, there was something lurking behind why he would have done something that could have ruined his friendship and brotherhood would Derek.

I nodded in encouragement.

And so, he told me.

Mark

The date had started off so well. When she had gotten out of the car, looking incredibly sexy as she did in her black dress, any doubts about what we were doing and what we felt for each other went right out of my head.

I could tell she was far more comfortable in this black dress then she had been in the red one. The red one had shown far more skin and her womanly assets then she normally cared to display, but then again, she really didn't know how sexy she was. She could be wearing a garbage bag and I would want her just the same.

She was nervous. I could see it written all over her face. Whether it was because of the fact that she had admitted coming to an expensive restaurant such as this one when she had never been to one before, or because whatever it was that was sizzling between us was affecting her just as much as it was clearly affecting me.

While it was good to see Ethan, I could see right away how my past could instantly affect my future. When I was just sleeping around and only interested in a single night of pleasure or sometimes hitting the sheets a couple of times with the same woman for a no strings attached time, it was easy not having to worry about talking about our history's and what that could mean for our future. With Lexie, if I wanted a future or anything meaningful with her, this would be the only way.

I had just been hoping that I could have more time before I had to even broach this subject. She had told me her most ugly and deepest darkest secret—that I sure of—and it was only fair that in return I was completely honest with her. I would lay out my cards and see if she was willing to play the hand, or get up from the table and walk away.

Lexie was ever perceptive though. I could tell she picked up right away when Candace had been looking at me with those come fuck me eyes. She always had. I never fully understood open marriages. They always said they worked best and allowed partners to scratch an itch when they needed it, but even I could see that was a train wreck ready to happen. Candace was never a one and done, and I did not need that kind of drama.

Telling Lexie that I had an affair with Derek's wife wasn't really the secret. In fact, I was surprised she hadn't already learned that piece of information. It was commonly known around the halls of Seattle Grace. After all, it was expected out of someone like me. A bastard of a guy who had no ability to care for anyone other than himself.

It was the next part of the story that I hated to admit. Bad enough it would be considered part of the seven deadly sins, if you believed in that sort of thing, but just held weight to what everyone already figured about me. Who I was as a person in general.

"I've always been jealous of Derek," I noted.

I hated admitting that out loud let alone at all. But it was the truth. I looked up into Lexie's eyes and stared back not an ounce of judgement in those walnut color eyes of hers.

My tone was no longer bitter like it once was. Because even as I told her, I had put to rest these feelings long ago. Once Derek had finally forgiven me for sleeping with Addison, I had realized that the only one who was doing the hurting was me. The baggage I was carrying with me all these years.

"I always thought that Derek had things so easy. He had the perfect parents that loved him, cared for him, supported him. He was the only boy, so there was nothing that their little Derek couldn't do. Even when my mom was alive and my father pretended to care, it was never like how life was with the Shepherds," I said, taking a long gulp of my wine. "Even when the Shepherds took me in, they were wonderful. They were great to me and treated me like another son, but to me, it wasn't the same. I felt I was always in Derek's shadow. I was always following behind, but never good enough to be his equal or in front of him."

"Did Derek ever say or do anything to make you feel this way?" she asked.

"No," I said in a strangled voice.

"Is…is that why you became a doctor?"

I wish I could say no. I wish I could have some awesome story like she had about wanting it to be solely on helping people, but that would be a lie. Because the reasons I had joined were all for the wrong ones. Derek always wanted to be a doctor and I wanted to be better than him…just once. Adding the factor that I could make a ton of money and get lots of woman, that was just a bonus.

"It is," I said sadly. "It was something that he always wanted to be. He already had the grades, the looks, the family…for once, I just wanted something that I could potentially be better at then him."

"You're a great doctor, Mark. I'm not just saying that to stroke your ego or make you feel better. I say it because it's true. Derek is a good doctor too, but your differences is what makes you both special at what you do," she said.

I nodded, because her words alone were enough to ease some of that hurt that seemed to still sit there from long ago. More like shame, after all of these years feeling this way, but I believed her when she said the words. I no longer needed to compare myself to Derek any longer. We both stood out on our own and for our different reasons.

"In medical school, he met Addison. They were so great together. They were so right for each other. At the time, you could see the love between each other. When they got married, I was his best man, and I was so happy for him. Then things changed…it was right around the time we had made names for ourselves, and got our practice going. It was Derek and I, but since Addie was a surgeon too, she would consult on cases with us when needed. Addie and I were close, just as close as friends as I was with Derek."

Recognition dawned in Lexie's features. "You fell in love with her," she guessed.

I nodded. "I did…or what I believed at the time of being in love with her." I paused thinking back to when things started to go wrong between Derek and Addison. Derek was pulling away, but he was shutting me out too and not telling me what was happening. "There had been tension in their marriage for a while. Derek was so closed up; he wasn't just alienating her but me as well. He would make little comments like he couldn't do this anymore and that he felt that the practice was swallowing him whole."

Here was the part I hated the most. The part where I became a man that I no longer recognized anymore. A man that was so willing to make excuses for everything that had gone wrong in my life that it was easy to blame others than just come to terms that I wasn't responsible for the actions of others.

It was why I understood Lexie's situation with her father so well. Her need to feel like she was responsible for him. To want to fix him. To somehow blame herself for why a man she had known her entire life was suddenly acting like a completely different human being.

"Derek had always talked about Seattle. He loved the water and ferry boats. I knew he had already fallen out of love with Addison, and if she was being honest with herself, she was already out of love with him. Seeing him with Meredith now and looking back on their wedding day, I couldn't say that he and Addie had even a blip of what he has with Meredith."

My hand came up and rubbed at my face. "Addie and I were desperate. We were losing him, and even though it was time we all stopped holding onto something that wasn't there…I did the one thing that was unthinkable. I started the affair with his wife. I told myself it was ok, that it was right, because unlike Derek, I loved her. I could give her everything that he wasn't giving her. That I would be there for her when he was walking away," I said dejectedly.

Lexie picked up on my tone. "That's when he found out and left?"

"Yes. We had wanted to keep it a secret. She had said over and over again that it was just sex. She just needed to feel wanted because Derek was pushing her away. She used the fact that he was my brother and my own demons regarding my relationship with Derek, as well as what I thought I felt for her to do whatever she wanted me to do. Part of me was willing to do it because deep down that boy that wanted to get one over on Derek had yet to really become a man."

"Mark…"

No. She didn't get to feel sorry for me. It didn't matter what I was feeling, there was no excuse for what I had done to him. Because as I looked up at the beautiful woman that was sitting across from me, if Derek even done half of what I did to him to her…I had to take a deep breath, because the rage I was feeling was very prominent and very scary. Because I was feeling so much so fast for the woman across from me and that scared me.

"When he found out that we were having an affair it was all he needed to sell his portion of the practice and get up and walk out. He didn't even say a word, throw a punch...nothing. It was as if it was just so easy to get up and walk away from the both of us. I was so angry with him. Angry that we didn't matter that much to him, so Addie and I continued the affair after he was gone," I informed her. "Then, one day, Addie wakes up, freaks out, and just takes off to Seattle to go and find Derek. Tells me that her and I had been fun, but that was all it was. That I was a placeholder until Derek had time to think about what he was really missing and come back. Only thing, he never came back, which meant she had to go and get him."

"I get why she went after him…but why you? Was it really Derek, or was it Addison you wanted?" she asked.

"At the time, both. I kept telling myself that I was in love with Addie. That I had a right to be happy, and even if that meant taking the woman that was married to my best friend. He didn't want her anymore, so what was the big deal. But when I got here…all I could think about was how much I missed my best friend. All that we had prior to me allowing my insecurities to override everything else," I said.

"You got him back. That's what counts," she pointed out.

"I did…but it hasn't been the same since. He's forgiven me, but I can see deep down he's waiting…just waiting for me to screw up and hurt him again, and I can't blame him."

She shook her head. "Yeah, but you learned from it. You made it right."

I shot her a sad smile. "Remember your first day at the hospital, when you caught me standing outside the door, when you told our pen patient about the fact that we all make mistakes, but it's what you do afterwards that matters?"

She nodded. "I meant it."

"I know you did." I paused. "I didn't just screw up once, Lex, but twice. Just as he was forgiving me, and putting the past behind us, trying to figure out what he was going to do with Addie now that he was clearly in love with Meredith, I started up again with getting it in my head that I was in love with Addie. That I wanted her. I wanted a chance at who I could be, not what I had become."

"Did Addison want the same thing?" she asked, sucking in her bottom lip.

"She said she did. But I think she was just looking for that comfort again when she realized that Derek was never going to come back. He might because of the commitment he made—Derek's that kind of guy—but Addie already knew that he was in love with Meredith. So, why not just come back to Derek's sloppy seconds."

For the first time since I started telling my story, I could see the anger simmering off her in waves. I could see the anger raging on inside of her, not because of the fact that I had messed up twice with Derek. Not because I had betrayed him and slept with his wife. Angry that I was considering myself unworthy. It made that ache in my chest only intensify.

"You are nobody's sloppy seconds," she seethed.

My little vixen was back. No one had ever cared enough to feel this protective over me, and I couldn't put into words what that was doing to me. At this moment, I was glad we were having this conversation in a restaurant instead of a place where I could consider shutting down all talk and doing something else instead.

"No, but it hit home to all those feelings I had since I was a little boy. That I was just Derek and the Shepherds charity case. Someone to feel sorry for, instead of someone to be proud of," I explained.

Her voice was somber. "You…you still feel that way?"

I shook my head. "Not anymore. Especially, not since you."

Lexie

The waiter took that moment to interrupt our conversation, clearing our plates and asking if we wanted anything else. Mark looked in my direction, but I didn't want anything. I wanted to get out of the restaurant and some place where he and I could have more privacy.

Mark paid the bill, and then we were outside of the restaurant. His past with Derek and Derek's ex-wife Addison had suddenly added so many more layers to the man that made up Mark Sloan. It angered me that he would think he wasn't worthy of anything, that anyone would think he was just some charity case.

It all made sense now. It made sense why he was more comfortable with just having meaningless hookups and sex with no strings. Why he was afraid to want to try relationships and commitments. Everyone he had cared about in his life—even Derek for a period of time—were ok with just picking up and walking away from him when he needed them.

Whether Derek knew it or not, Derek had become his only family after his mother died and his father left. Couldn't Derek see the little boy inside that was just dying for someone to reach out—really reach out and let him know that he was worthy of more than just what people thought of him? Of how easily it was to just pick up and walk away from him.

Mark spent so many years just trying to comfort the boy inside and pretending to everyone else that he was ok—that none of it mattered—that no one saw what he needed. That ended today. Because he was someone that mattered. He mattered to me. I would never abandon him.

He took my hand in his as we walked out towards the front of the restaurant. I hated the fact that with the secrecy we had to drive separately, because right now, the only thing I wanted to do was slip into the car with him and not let go of his hand.

As we stepped outside and handed our tickets, Mark squeezed my hands in his. "Would…would you want to come back to my place. For a drink?"

It was hard not to smile when he sounded so nervous, so unsure. Heat pooled in my gut remembering what he had said back at the diner. About how if this had been a real date, he would have invited me back to his place for a drink and…it was left unspoken and, in the air, because the heat in his eyes at the time—which had to be mirrored in my own—told me what would happen based on what was implied.

I nodded mutely. Not because I was scared or because I was unsure. Because I was so sure that it was the only thing that I should want. He thought by telling me about his past that it would make me want to run away, it had only done the opposite. It just made me want him that much more. It just confirmed that everything I had thought about who he truly was deep down was what I thought in the first place.

We both got into our cars, knowing it would take at least thirty minutes to get back. We had gone a little further out of town to ensure that we had less of an opportunity of getting caught by anyone from the hospital.

When we pulled up to our apartment, we agreed that Mark would go up in the elevator first. I would come up second, that way if anyone was in the hallway, they would never suspect. Most of my friends still didn't know that Mark even lived on the same floor. They knew that some of the doctors lived in the building, but it was never confirmed who.

Just as we had discussed, when the doors to the elevator opened, I stepped off, relieved that the hallway was empty. I passed by my apartment, hurrying my steps until I made it to Mark's apartment, his door left ajar so I could easily slip in and shut it behind me.

Mark was standing in the kitchen, ready to be the ever gentlemen and offer me a drink as I shut the door behind me. He looked up the moment, we were enclosed in the room, and stared at me long and hard. That electricity, that heat that always seemed to crackle between us was thick again, as both of us looked each other up and down. A game of chess, seeing who was going to make that first move.

I forced myself not to tremble as I stared at the man who had clearly by the look in his eyes wanted me. The rope that seemed to tie the both of us together snapped, and I found myself taking step after step until I launched myself into his arms. He caught me, his arms coming around my waist as I pushed my body up against his and took what I wanted. My lips coming down hard on his.

His body was hard, pure muscled bulk, reminding me how overwhelming it was to just stand in his presence. How safe and secure he made me feel whenever I was near him. I was being drawn to him like a moth to the light.

Mark instantly took over the kiss, his hands coming from my waist, running up and down my back, until they reached my arms, coming up to my face, and then into my hair. I was glad I had worn my hair down like I had thought, because his fingers wrapped themselves in my hair and just tugged as he fought for control and let loose at the same time.

I whimpered, pressing myself against him, because I wanted more. Much more from him. I wanted to feel as close as possible to him as I could imagine. As two people could possibly be. I didn't take sex lightly, and I wasn't taking this step with Mark lightly either. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything in my life.

He turned me, so that my back was pressed against the kitchen counter, his body trapping me in between him in the space. There was no where for me to go and there was no where I wanted to go. He groaned, the sound rippling through him as his entire body vibrated with want and need.

Just as quickly as it started, it felt like someone had thrown cold water over the both of us, and he pulled back instantly, turning from me. I couldn't see his eyes or his expression, and it was unsettling. I was so sure that he wanted me, needed me as much as I needed him.

When he turned back; he was opposite of me now, his back leaning against the kitchen counter of his galley kitchen. The indecision written all over his face. Not only seconds ago, he was kissing me like he needed me like his next breath, and now he was looking at me as if he was unsure. No…he was looking at me as if he was worried, he would taint me with his past and what people thought of him and me being together.

Didn't he know? Didn't he know that I didn't care what anyone else thought. That I just wanted him. I took a step forward, but when I did, he looked even more uneasy. I could see that he wanted me, knowing that if I came at him again, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from wanting me. I wanted to know suddenly why he was holding back. All this time, he hadn't been shy about his lust and want for me… and I still didn't doubt that now…but there was something making him from wanting to take that final leap.

"Mark…"

His eyes tried to convey to me how infinitely sad he was to pull back from me. "Lex," he said, his voice rough and raspy. "You have no idea how bad I want you. How much I want to take you in my arms…" he swallowed, because even finishing that sentence was too much for him.

It only strengthen my resolve to make him know that I wanted this just as much. That I had no concerns, regrets, or fears about what I was asking for. "What's stopping you?" I asked, my own voice drowning in need.

He looked at me regretfully. Like he was trying to be that better man he talked about in the restaurant. Little did he know he already was one.

"I'm your boss. I'm your teacher. I'm supposed to be…" his words trailed off because he didn't know how to finish that statement.

"Teach me," I demanded.

His face darkened with lust, his eyes sparkled with fire, an edge in his voice as he replied, "Stop!"

He said the word, but everything else said otherwise. He didn't really want me to stop anymore then I wanted him to want me too. "You don't want me to stop," I argued.

His face looked pained. His eyes betrayed him that told me he didn't want me to stop. I took another step forward, and now I was the predator and he was the prey. He could easily move away or pick me up and move me on the opposite side, but he did nothing. He stayed there while I stalked closer to him.

"We can't do this, you're Little Grey, and I promised Derek I would stay away from you. That I wouldn't…"

My eyes narrowed at him. I was mad at him, but I was madder at Derek. I know we have this big brother and little sister thing going on, but he had no right to tell Mark or myself what we should or shouldn't do. We were both adults, and we both wanted each other. This thing between us…was too strong for either of us to ignore anymore.

I took another step forward until our bodies was inches apart. I placed my hands on his chest, and I felt his body tremble underneath my touch. That I could do this to a man like Mark with a single touch was so invigorating.

"I don't care what Derek wants. I want you. I know you want me. So... teach me!"

That last of his control was slipping. I could see and feel it. His hand came up to gently wrap around my wrist. It was now or never. He was either going to pull me away, or push me back.

"Lexie..."

I had one final chance to break through that armor of his. "Teach me. Teach me. Come on, Mark…if you let me walk out that door, there is no second chance. I will become someone else's. Do you really want that?"

His eyes darkened with a possessiveness and it made me shudder with desire. "No. Your mine."

His lips crashed to mine, and little did I know that we were just getting started.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed.