Author's note: Hello. This is my first story on this site. I have more stories on AO3, but I thought it would be nice to post them here as well. This one is based on the elevator scene from season 8 episode 23, which I wish went differently between Mark and Lexie. I hope you guys will enjoy it, since it has two parts and I will be posting the second one soon.
Mark was glaring at the elevator doors, enduringly awaiting for them to open and let him enter the compact space, while thinking- or rather overthinking, everything that has occured in the past 24 hours.
Maybe it was just him and his mind being as preoccupied as it was - but it appeared to him that the elevator was taking it's longest time in getting to it's stop.
The foregoing events and the previous encounter he underwent with Lexie - it took a toll on him. It felt as if his mind wasn't functioning properly anymore. He was lost in his thoughts and his pondering, strolling around the hospital, in the absence of any goal whatsoever.
"It's like I am infected by - Mark Sloan..."
It echoed in his mind, over and over again, continually refreshing his memory, reminding him of the desperate - wonderful way she spoke.
She didn't withdraw from his mind all night.
He kept turning around in bed, heavily trying to make himself close his eyes and fall asleep - to just let go and fall into the comfort of his sheets, but in the end - he found himself unable to.
Her voice was the only sole thing he could possibly make out. Her last night's words were the only damned words he could comprehend...and she was the only person able to occupy his brain.
"And I love you, I just - I love you, all the time...Every minute, of every day!"
And she was beautiful. So beautiful, so exquisite... Breathtaking, even. And she wanted him...After all these months, after all this time, even now...she still wanted him. Loved him.
And Mark...he had no idea what he was supposed to do.
Every single thing he had always desired, the whole shebang- it has been offered to him. It was there, at hand, placed on a plate ahead of him. Nevertheless...not a single thing is easy or undemanding. For the reason that - he didn't have as little as one simple plate... instead of that...he has gotten two.
Nothing ever seems to be easy. Just like that damned elevator, the one that takes forever to only get to it's stop, after being called for more than five times.
Complications. All of them surrounding his body at once.
And then it ultimately opened, revealing no one other than Derek, just the person Mark was in need for, inside it, having his usual grin covering his face. He greeted him as he was walking in, Mark's hands not daring to depart from the empty pockets of his lab coat.
Without any warning whatsoever, Derek went straight to the point, beginning a conversation Mark definitely didn't want to be a part of.
"How's Julia? You impregnated her yet?" Derek interrogated, rather interested in his best friend's decision of the near future. He voiced it as if it was the easiest thing in the world, the fact that Julia wished to have a baby with Mark, when in reality - everything was so messed up.
"No, I was..." Mark then started, feeling light weight on his shoulders with only mentioning this unbelievable topic. "...but then, Lexie..." he stopped himself again, sighing deeply, his eyes closed, his body tense, trying to get himself ready and admit to someone...to explain what happened the night before.
"She told me she was in love with me." He uttered quickly, almost silently, still not completely capable to come in terms with all of it himself, his eyes still firmly shut.
Derek seemed rather interested - and happy even, about the plastic attending's previous announcement, immediately pushing and wanting to discover more than he was already aware of.
"Well, finally..." he exclaimed happily, leaving Mark confused beyond words "And what did you say?" He inquiried soon after, not letting Mark process the fact that Derek wasn't startled when it came to Lexie's sudden declaration...not one bit.
"I said...thank you for your candor..." Mark murmured rapidly, regretting the answer he had to give her immediately, yet...he had no other choice, right? Julia, she showed up - he couldn't...
"Thank you for your candor?" Derek questioned, astonished by Mark's stupidness, wanting nothing more but to laugh in his face. Although, he tried his best and kept himself calm.
"Well, what was I supposed to do?" Mark questioned, acting oblivious.
"Well, i don't know...Kiss her? You love her Mark - I know you wanted it." The neurosurgeon responded with his arms in the air, acting as if he could read Mark's mind, as if he knew everything. Acting like the great Derek Shepherd he was.
"I'm not a cheater..." he stated, earning a glare from Derek in less than a second later "Well, not anymore at least."
His best friend just kept nodding, listening, paying attention and - most of all...wanting to find out what he was so afraid of as he kept on talking.
"Look-" Mark started anew "Julia - she...she wants to give me everything I want. A life I wanted for so long. And that's great, but...Then there's Lexie, and - I'm in love with Lexie, who doesn't want to give me anything I want. Or at least she didn't before and - I don't know, I-"
But Derek didn't allow him to complete his sentence.
"You love her?" He inquiered, a smile spread out over his face "Lexie, I mean... You love her?"
"Of course I do." He informed him firmly, not even thinking twice about his response "She's Lexie...I love her. I never stopped, it's just-"
"Then what's the problem?" He questioned loudly, not believing the person he had to deal with "You're just overthinking this. I mean why didn't you tell her? She told you that she loves you and then here you are telling me how you feel instead of to her?"
"I told you, it's not that eas-"
But Mark's words were intruded on, as the elevator doors suddenly unlatched, revealing no one other than Lexie Grey standing before the very eyes of the two attendings.
As her surroundings came into focus, her eyes widened and her heart began to race. Her jaw fell slightly open as she averted her gaze to the floor, inhaling quickly and trying her best to calm the nerves that had made her panick as soon as she locked eyes with Mark, remembering the stupid way she poured her desperate heart out to him, just some hours ago.
Mark put a stop to his voice mid - sentence, becoming aware of her beautiful figure on the other side of the elevator doors.
Once again, she looked as heavenly as ever. He couldn't not notice. Her wonderful brunette hair was up in a ponytail, her bangs easily falling onto her forhead. Mark always wished to tell her how much he adored them, how much he loved that new hairstyle of hers - but he was never able to.
He couldn't stop gazing - he wasn't even able to say one simple word, even now, but...he couldn't stop himself from watching...from looking at that nervous figure of hers, as she was so desperately trying to say whatever was on her mind.
And she was still so beautiful. The most beautiful.
Derek, he was rather entertained by this little show, not having any idea how in the world he got himself in a position as awkward as the one he was a part of at that very moment.
"Dr. Shepherd..." Lexie started, clinging onto the charts in her hands as if she was holding onto dear life itself. "Dr. Sloan..." she trailed off, sighing again, obviously wanting to run away from the two attendings as soon as an opportunity for it approached.
She was embarrassed...she felt both sheepish and uncomfortable being in the presence of the person ahead of her. In all likelyhood, the last time she felt this way, the way she feels at this very moment, standing next to Mark after the whole lot of things she admitted the night before, was about almost four years ago.
That wintry December night, when she stripped for him and specifically told him to "teach her". And then the day after...this is how she felt the day after, when their gazes finally connected.
Here she is, again, feeling the same way that innocent little girl felt back then, only this time it's even worse. This time - he couldn't at least give her a simple answer. Reject her, even. Because if he wanted to do that, he shouldn't have just kept quiet and said nothing. That silence, that tranquility of his- it was killing her. Not knowing what he feels...that really was killing her.
"Lexie..." Derek exclaimed happily, as if her presence was the foremost thing that could happen to him "Come on in!" He spoke, being entertained by his own teasing.
Mark could see it. He was doing it on purpose, while the two love birds were having an exceptionally hard time enjoying the torture.
"Actually, I was gonna update you about something, but since you are both here I am just gonna - give these files to you, and then that way I can -" she then turned around, but too late. The elevator doors closed on her, making her regret the fact that she couldn't do this any quicker, and making her become a part of nothing other than an impossible situation.
"Leave..." she finished, as her heart quickened and she became agitated in this awfully compact space, instantly reminiscing about why exactly she didn't wish to be where she was now. Or rather - whom with.
Complete silence spread out around the elevator as soon as the doors fell to aclose. Lexie was tapping her foot impatiently, as Mark was glancing at the ceiling, trying to hold his gaze on anything other than her, and her silky hair...and her beautiful body.
Derek- he just observed them thoroughly, only wishing that the two people he cared so much for got their act together already. Wishing for them to realize what they were missing on with each passing moment.
To Lexie, it felt like time was passing as slowly as it was able to. She intantaneously bit her bottom lip in order to calm her nerves down, something she found herself doing a lot whenever something was troubling her. And she tried to distract herself...to think of something else, something other than that night and something other than those desperate, anguished words...to think of something other than him. But that photographic memory of hers - it was making that quest a hell of a lot harder.
Derek wasn't aware if this encounter was maybe humorous and funny to a certain point or just - just sad. He made an effort in pushing Mark, in making him tell her something, maybe even what he had said prior to Lexie showing up, but - with no use.
He was a coward.
In this very situation, and at this very moment- Mark Sloan most definitely was one.
As soon as the doors opened widely, both Mark and Lexie sighed in relief, fastly moving forward and trying to get away.
It's not like Mark didn't want to be with her or look at her - he most certainly wanted it, he wanted it more than anything else...but - not as long he didn't have an answer.
Lexie, unlike him, didn't want to be there. She wanted to escape him, to run away and not have to look at him and his beautiful face for as long as she was able to.
So she tried her best to do just that. Escape.
Until, at least - Derek didn't put that charade of theirs to a stop, being the only one there who obviously wanted to take some actual responsibility.
"Stop." He exclaimed coldly "Both of you."
He stepped ahead, unhurriedly moving his body and ending up just ahead of the two. With him passing through the couple the way he did, both Lexie and Mark were forced to move to the far back side of the elevator, leaving them strained and uncomfortable between the walls and the neurosurgeon himself.
"You two are very funny, did you know that?" He exclaimed, a giant grin covering his happy face "I mean seriously, it's like watching one of those Spanish telenovalas, you know? Have you watched them before? You probably have...I know that Mark has, he always used to watch them with my mom. Haven't you Mark?" Derek smiled anew, thinking about his mother's favorite telenovela.
He sighed deeply, before laughing like a maniac in the middle of a now, for some reason, empty corridor, leaving the couple in front of him completely bewildered "I am gonna miss this, you know? When Meredith and I go to Boston. I'll really miss it."
"The "are we together, are we not" thing you two have going on. It's very entertaining actually..." he spoke through laughter, making both Mark and Lexie feel like idiots.
"I mean I've been watching you for months and still - it still makes me laugh."
He spoke and spoke rapidly - doing just the thing he intended to do from the beginning.
Talk until they were trapped in that elevator at least one more time.
Mark and Lexie were rather confused. They had no idea where all of the sudden rambling was coming from, but it definitely made Lexie's cheeks redder within only a couple of sentences, and made Mark scrape the behind of his neck in embarrassment.
And just like that, the elevator doors started closing again, panick flooding over Mark and Lexie's bodies in a matter of seconds.
"Oh god no..." They both muttered at the same time, making Derek chuckle once again.
"Have fun you two..." Derek vocalized, before making his way down the hall, completely amuzed by his actions.
.
Lexie couldn't believe what Derek had just done to her. He was supposed to be on her side, wasn't he? After everything, he should have understood her. He should have let her walk away when she needed it.
At the moment, she was once more, found in this dreadfully unbearable set of circumstances, not having anything, in even close proximity, to an escape.
She let out a frustrated sigh, taking a step forward, trying to move away from the man behind her as much as the compact space was allowing her.
He still didn't say anything. He still didn't address her in any way. He was standing there, thinking about what he was supposed to do next, yet even now, not one word was vocalized.
Lexie felt like an idiot. She felt like a fool. Telling him...It might have been a bad idea. She should have kept her mouth shut. This - this is even worse than the way she felt prior to opening up to her ex.
Mark could sense the uneasiness within her. She was shivering, her arms crossed as her head was gazing upwards, watching as the floors went by.
He wasn't certain, but from this particular angle, her eyes seemed rather gloomy. As if all she was in need of were those damned doors to ultimately unlatch, so she could take the opportunity and run away in order to hide herself in the closest closet and let the torment of her tears take over her.
He could notice it.
He was always able to read her like an open book. He could fastly register if she was rather sad and perhaps, made an effort in hiding it from him.
He was also able to tell whenever she was hiding something from him, either a small secret or anything even slightly bigger than that.
Just as he was able to understand her now.
His silence was troubling her, as much as it was troubling Mark himself.
So he did what he had to do. He didn't know what exactly he was supposed to be doing, it's not like he maybe had it all planned out beforehand - but he tried anyway. He should at least leave her with - something, rather than nothing at all.
"Lex..." He exclaimed quietly, her name echoing around the lift.
His deep, husky voice has made her body tremble in an instant, making her feel as if she had woken up from some kind of a trance. Then, after holding it in for as long as she was able to, an unshed tear slipped down her soft cheek.
It was as if his voice was some kind of a switch. She could hold it for hours if she was requiered to, as long as he kept quiet, as long as he was silent...but as soon as he spoke up, she felt herself breaking with each passing moment.
"Yeah?" Lexie whispered, her voice high-pitched and unbelievably quiet. She was, once again, trying to fight her tears, trying to hide the obvious sadness as much as she was able to.
"Lex, I know that - I didn't say anything last night. And I know that you're scared, it's just - I just want you to understand that..." he uttered silently "I am still not- I need to think..."
But she stopped him right there.
She knew what's up.
"Mark, just..." she vocalised, holding herself together, her arms crossed above her chest "If you're not ready to talk - it's okay." She slowly spoke to him "I threw this on you - so suddenly...I understand if you...need time." She then shut her eyes, fighting the urge to just yell at him for not giving her a simple answer. A simple answer...
But she was aware that it wasn't right. He was struggling...she understood that. She can't be thinking that she is the only one going through a hard time, especially after everything.
Mark was rather surprised. If he was being truthful, he wasn't expecting this kind of a reaction from her. Yet, it seems like he has forgotten about who he has been speaking to. It was Lexie...that giant, wonderful heart of hers - it's one of the countless reasons he fell in love with her.
"But please..." she exclaimed suddenly, after a couple of moments of pure silence "Promise me that we will talk? Please-" she asked, returning her gaze to the sealing, her eyes just searching for something to be distracted with.
"I promise you." He assured her, trying his best to leave her with any kind of comfort, being aware of the fact that she was hurting. She was in pain - because of him.
Again.
He hated it. It seemed like he was always the one who had to hurt her the most, even if his only intentions, from the very start, were to make her happy. To make her feel loved, safe in his own embrace.
Yet, he kept failing. One way or another, he always ended up failing her. It made him hate himself for it, regret so many things he had done in the past.
Once more, silence lingered around the lift.
Nothing else has been left to say, at least not yet.
Just a couple of hours.
Mark thought.
All I need is a couple of hours. We'll talk.
Lexie couldn't wait for the elevator to finally stop, after what seemed like hours, and let her out - to allow her to take a moment and - breathe. To let her calm down, and try to hold herself together.
Her gaze was attached to the screen in which the motion of the floors appeared on, impatiently awaiting for that final stop, the sixth floor, in order for her to get out and hide away.
They were on the third floor - the fourth was close...finally, after a few moments, the fifth too. Sixth wasn't as far as it used to be at all, yet-
In an instant, as Mark was trapped in his pondering and Lexie in the numbers at the top of the lift, so suddenly, feeling as if it happened out of nowhere, the elevator choked and shivered to a stop, leaving both the resident and the attending in terror, with the lights above them flaring rapidly.
"Mark, what's - what's happening?" Lexie questioned nervously, her heart rate fastening as she desperately tried to realize what was going on. Her thoughts were scattered in a million places, fear easily visible on her pale face. She tried to make the elevator start again, using the buttons on the far right side of her body, but with no use.
No, no, no, no...this can't be happening, this can't be happening! Not now, please no-
She kept pushing, yet the elevator didn't budge.
After giving up on it, she turned around, her eyes revealing everything Mark needed to know.
"Just - wait a little." He attempted "Maybe it will start, don't panick right away." He tried to comfort her, taking a step closer.
"B-but what if it doesn't? We - we will be stuck here, wouldn't we be? And who knows for how long..." she exclaimed through a cackle, evidently frightened.
"Even if we get stuck..." Mark tried, but couldn't even continue after a few simple words.
"IF WE GET STUCK? YOU THINK WE WILL GET STUCK?" She cut in on him,the panick flooding her veins, as she drastically turned around and looked at him, dead in the eyes.
We can't get stuck. No. The elevator needs to start, I can't be in here with him.
"Even if we get stuck..." Mark repeated, his voice harsher than before "Hunt is gonna notice and he will tell someone to come and fix it as soon as possible. It's just an elevator, either it will start on its own or it needs a little fix."
"Well, what if - what if..." she tried, but lost the contact with whatever was on her mind. She sighed in frustration, budging her arms around, with zero purpose whatsoever.
Her nervousness was rather delightful to Mark. She was adorable, beautiful, and so enchanting - there has always been something so special about her. He watched her silently, following even the slightest move, enjoying that little dread of panick she had within her, his cocky smile completely visible.
Silence invaded the space in a matter of moments, making Lexie shy away from the person next to her, backing up against the wall and closing her eyes. The universe tried really hard to make her day miserable, didn't it?
"Well, since we might be stuck in here for a while after all..." Mark exclaimed, his hand reaching into his lab coat's pocket. "Want a chocolate?" He questioned with a smile, holding on to the chocolate bar ahead of her face.
Lexie shot him a stern glare, as she wasn't in the right frame of mind for any jokes whatsoever.
"Are you serious right now?" She interrogated, her arms crossed ahead of her chest. He couldn't really be okay with this, right? Offering me a chocolate?
"What? You want some peanut butter cups?" Mark responded with yet another proposition, her expression not changing even a bit. "Well, sorry, but I don't see a vending machine anywhere near me. You can still take the chocolate..."
Lexie's knees buckled, taking her to the floor, Mark following her soon after.
He tried to unlatch the chocolate bar, Lexie gazing at his movements, still very much silent. But then, crossing her arms across her stomack, she threw back her head and let out a loud, humorless laugh.
Her eyes crinkled at the corners, as she was trying her best to calm down and take a breath.
Mark watched her in confusion, not able to hold in a smile himself as well, enjoying the wonderful sight of her cackle at his disposal.
"Chocolate, Mark? Really?" She questioned, her face lightened up like a neon sign.
"Yes. Chocolate." He exclaimed, a smile still visible with the confusion not abandoning his expression "Something wrong with that, Little Grey?" He spoke, Lexie's expression lightening up the second he mentioned the old nickname.
" You -" she whispered "You sure you don't have any peanut butter cups there?" She asked him, her eyes still easily crinkled at the edges, as the corners of her lips turned upwards. She was chewing onto the bottom one, a radiant smile she created lightening up the entire room.
There was nothing he loved more than making her smile. It seemed like she painted a ray of sunshine all over her face, each time she grinned back at him. Her eyes, her lips, and her spirit all at once smiled at him. She could endure any pain as long as she was happy.
Soon enough, she was grinning and so was he.
"No - no..." he trailed off, captivated by the beautiful sight that was her "I checked already...had some this morning tho."
And then they both chuckled, their conjoined voices echoing around the miniature space they were trapped in.
"Thanks." Lexie told him, taking a small bite of the chocolate bar he offered her.
"For what? I don't even have the peanut butter cups..." Mark defended, taking a bite of it as well.
"No, just -" she started, her gaze trailing off to her lap. "At first, I was so embarrassed to even - to just stand next to you, after..." She sighed, closing her eyes and catching her breath, the previous night running back into her mind like a thunder "And now...you made me smile and I feel better. So thank you. For not - judging me or hating me for...for what I said." Lexie explained without a hurry, confronting the chocolate inside her mouth.
"Well, what can I say? I am the best, after all."
She shrughed and replied "Obviously."
Laughter followed again, the atmosphere feeling as light as ever. Feeling - just like it used to be.
"But..." Mark let out after a moment " - you thought I'd hate you? Why would you think that?" He questioned, once again disoriented due to her words.
"I-" Lexie tried, her breath getting stuck somewhere in between her lungs and her mouth "I've been overthinking a lot...since last night. At one point even you hating me... for what I said was an option...I don't know, I just -"
"I embarrassed myself so hard - again. I keep doing that with you, don't I? Say the - stupidest things without even thinking about it."
"It wasn't stupid Lex...what you told me wasn't stupid." Came a rough voice opposite her.
"It wasn't?" She looked up at him, their gazes connecting once more.
"No. I needed to know. I am glad you told me." He muttered, barely blinking an eye.
"Yeah well, I said too much...and I embarrassed myself, that's for sure." Lexie uttered through laughter, her eyes meeting the elevator doors.
"No...Don't say that, Lex - you didn't." He grabbed her left hand with his palm perpendicular to hers, and wrapped his fingers around the back of it, instantly sending shivers throughout her fragile body. She looked up at him, confused beyond words, the feel of his skin touching hers more than mesmerizing. Her beart began racing as soon as their fingers touched.
"You promise?" She pleaded, as if begging in a way.
"I promise you, Little Grey." He smiled, bringing her comfort " I loved everything you told me, you know? Nobody - nobody ever felt that way about me. Only you..." He punctuated his point by rubbing his thumb in a circle on the back of her palm, her breath getting stuck over and over again.
"Yeah?" She asked, feeling so peaceful in his presence.
"Yeah." Mark replied, returning a smile.
"Did you -" she started, her mind making her talk without thinking, just like it always has "Did you really think that I didn't love you anymore? That I...that I really let go?" Her tone was a mix of curiosity and concern that Mark had grown to recognize over the years. She quickly closed her eyes, as if regretting her words in an instant.
"I don't know-" he paused, trying to find the right thing to say "I guess I...I had my doubts, you know? At times, I would catch you looking or I would think you were jelaous - but then I would just forget about it. I always thought it was my mind playing games, because after what you said last year - yeah I really thought you would never want me back after all that."
Mark's stomack twisted as the memory of the said words came back at him.
"I love you. But I don't want to love you, I wanna be happy."
"I don't think you understand- how much I regret saying that. I wish I never did. I wish I just - came back to you when you wanted me to..." she froze, a lump appearing in her throat "I waited too long - realized what I wanted when it was already too late."
"I was so jealous, you know? I - I still am. When you and Julia got together, i was boiling and I -" she laughed, looking up at the ceiling as the embarrassment started flooding her veins "God, I kicked her with a softball, Mark! Who - who does that? "
"So, I was right. You didn't think she was stealing second." He stated, their fingers still one on top of the other.
"Nope...I was just - so jelaous of her."
"Weren't you with Avery back then?" He questioned, trying to remember the exact timeline of the occasion.
"Why do you think he broke up with me?" She spoke, with a smile following right behind the statement.
He once again watched her smile, his head falling back onto the elevator wall.
"I'm sorry I didn't say anything last night, Lex..." Mark apologized, after a few moments of silence.
"It's okay..." she said, catching his eyes, her head falling back against the wall as well. "I came out of nowhere and threw this on you - then Julia showed up. I understand. And it's okay."
"Was it really okay, though? Because I feel terrible about it." He explained, tightening the hold of his hand around hers.
"I've done worse before. Left you, shut the doors on your face - I've done all, even more brutally. I deserved it. I guess, it was my turn to find out how that feels." Lexie trailed off, sighing in frustration left by her past mistakes, yet still not daring to let go of that wonderful smile.
"I wish I could turn back time." He suddenly exclaimed "I wish I could just - hear you say it all over again, and - do you know what I wish to do then?" He scooted over, in an attempt to get closer to her.
"W-what?" She floundered, her faint voice innocently escaping, agitation obvious in the way she spoke.
He can't speak; he can barely breathe...but he manages to say it in the end.
"I wish I could kiss you." His voice broke off.
Lexie stared at him, trying to process the spoken words.
She took a shallow breath, her stomach clenching, the beautiful words not leaving her mind. And then her smile spread a bit wider, as if what he just told her, was what she had been waiting for her entire life. Like that last little piece of the puzzle, ultimately fell into it's awaited place.
"Really?" She whispered in awe.
"Really." Mark confirmed, nodding and smiling at her.
"Well, why don't you?" Lexie whispered.
"I guess...I guess I need you to repeat it for me Lex. Tell me. Tell me what you feel, again." He looked up, staring her right in the eyes.
"What? No way I'm doing that, no way..." She denied, immediately questioning the awkward proposition and turning away from the closeness he put inbetween them.
"What is he even doing? I've embarrassed myself one too many times." Lexie thought.
"Just once, c'mon." He begged, not letting go.
"Mark - no, please.."
"Tell me. I know you remember it. I know you remember every word, actually. So tell me, please." He cut in, his hand finding her cheek in less than a mere second.
His hands were hard, with broad fingers and nails as thick and ridged as little clam shells, but still soft and - perfect. Just the way it used to be. The space between his thumb and forefinger and the hams of his hands were shiny with callus. It was rather interesting, the way she could notice even the smallest of details when it came to him
The gesture, it sent a wave of electricity through her whole body, making her shiver even with the slightest of touch.
"C'mon. You know the answer this time. If you want this, if you really want it..." he sighed in frustration "Just say it once more. You don't have to be afraid this time, Little Grey..." Mark pushed, his pleading voice not leaving her mind.
It's not like she didn't want this. It's that she wanted this so much that this time around, she was afraid of messing up.
And it was so warm, as if she was in a wrong place. As if this kind of comfort was only meant for others. It felt so familiar yet so foreign. The two of them. It felt so - new.
She was able to quickly loose herself in his words and the depth of his eyes; that's why she was afraid of messing up in this wonderful chance he was giving her. Even tho he was the only water in this desert, she sat still and watched, tempted - yet paralyzed.
"Please, Lexie..."
"I - I love you...?" She started, insecure beyond explanation.
"What am I even doing?" She thought again.
"Keep going..." Mark pushed, not letting her get away with it.
"Well what am I supposed to say next? This is stupid, Mark seriously-"
"Just...just keep going, Lex. I told you...You don't have to be afraid. Not with me. Not today."
She wiped her eyes quickly, looking over to him after she's managed to compose herself for a brief moment.
"You're gonna be the death of me, I swear-"
"Stop hesitating. C'mon. You didn't hesitate yesterday, did you?"
"It's not the same..." Lexie took a steadying breath, yet before she could think, her lips have parted and she has finally spoken.
"I am so in love with you, Mark..." she whispered, trembling as she did so "-you're in me, you're like a desease..." she laughed as she spoke, enjoying the stupid replay of last night's events.
"I can't believe I even said that, oh god-" She complained, covering her eyes in shame.
"And yet I still loved it..." Mark let out briefly, without even a tiny bit of hesitation in his voice.
"It's like I am infected by you..." she whispered, biting her bottom lip at the end.
"And I can't think about - anything or...or anybody. I can't sleep, I can't breathe...or eat...because I always think about you." She slowly spoke.
"Because I am so in love with you..."
"I can't live without you..."
They both froze at the words.
"You-you didn't say that last night." He told her, bewildered by the sudden confrontation.
"Well, I'm saying it now..."
He's pressed right up against her, and she stared up at him as he towered over her, staring down into her eyes for a few silent moments. When she said his name quietly, he simply closed his eyes. He could feel the pressure of her hand tighten around his. He opened his eyes, bending down low to look into hers, face-to-face.
Lexie sat frozen, half in fear and half in anticipation.
"I love you too, Little Grey."
A genuine smile broke out across Lexie's face as soon as she absorbed his words and realized they won't be recanted any time soon.
"You do?" It was all she could manage in a hoarse whisper.
Mark was only smiling back, clutching her head in his hands.
"Yes." He took a shallow breath "I love you. I am so in love with you."
She swallowed, yet somehow she was still nervous. Was still awaiting for the imminent storm clouds to fall over them; for him to take it back, decide that she wasn't worth it.
But that moment never comes.
He found her face, her lips already waiting like a question.
And then, finally, Mark kissed her deeply, neither one of them stopping to think about what's happening -they're too elated in the fact that their lips are finally touching to think about anything else.
Her lips were soft, almost silken and pillowy against his own. He could feel the soft tickle of her breath beneath his nose, fingers carding through her hair as they breathed eachother in.
Warmth blossomed in Lexie's chest, sparks igniting the moment Mark leaned so close, lips brushing together, tentatively, as if it was the first time.
The smell of her perfume and the soft, peachy sent of her conditioner, was dizzying.
The kiss started as a gentle caress- so soft and so sweet. Mark could feel the way she slowly melted into his embrace.
He's kissing her, once, twice...She had the taste and realized she'll never have enough.
He kissed her with such intensity, making her cling onto him as if he was the only solid thing in this dizzy swaying world.
Mark's insistent mouth was parting Lexie's shaken lips, sending wild tremors along her nerves, evoking from her sensations she had never known she was capable of feeling.
"You love me?" She murmured, once their lips have finally parted, not believing anything and attempting to convince herself that what just happened wasn't simply a product of her imagination.
"I've never stopped loving you..."
"C'mere, Little Grey," he muttered, scooting towards her and pulling her body towards his. She then just simply collapsed,overwhelmed by his warmth and the familiar sent of his cologne, holding on to him for dear life. She rested her head in the crook of his neck as his hands ran soothing circles on her back.
Tired and spent, she relaxed in his arms. She held him as well, hoping he knew about how she felt. Without thinking, once she's calmed down, she pressed a kiss into his neck, followed with a little touch using the top of her nose, a leftover habit from when they were together.
Mark pulled back immediately as they stared at each other.
"You missed that, didn't you?"
"Missed what?" Lexie whispered, wiping away a single tear that has been dropping down her eye slowly.
"That thing you do with your nose all the time." He confronted her quickly "I am right, aren't I?"
"What thing with my nose?" She played cheerfully.
"Don't do that Lex. You know it very well." Mark scolded, holding her even tighter "You couldn't wait to do it, could you?"
"Maybeee..." She responded, hiding her head deep into his embrace "I couldn't really help myself any longer." She giggled, innocently kissing his cheek afterwards.
"I missed you." Mark broke off, placing his head on top of hers, still not letting go of that beautiful, fragile body of hers.
"I missed you too...More than you can even imagine." Lexie manages in one single breath.
"Mark?" She called.
"Yeah?"
"What now?" Her eyes met his, embarrassed.
"What do you mean 'what now' ?" Mark questioned, rather curious and confused.
"Well...what happens after this? You...you still - Julia..." Lexie sttuters, remembering the fact that he is still in a serious relationship...
"I'll talk to her later. I'll end it as soon as I see her." Mark replied, not needing to hear anything more. "We're doing this Lex. Don't worry."
"We are, huh?" She smiled.
"Yeah...yeah we are." He comforted her, connecting his lips with the top of her head "And there's no running this time, no giving up. Okay?"
"No running. Definitely - no running...not this time." She sighed deeply "I promise you that." Lexie confirmed, wanting nothing more than for him to trust her.
"And also..." he started carefully "I'm taking you out tonight."
"Like a - date?" Lexie asked, happiness evident only by the sound of her voice.
"Yeah, a date." Mark confirmed "Just you and I."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah, seriously..." he tells her, finally letting her go, allowing her to back away "I can take you to your favorite restaurant if you'd like..." Mark continued.
"Yeah I - I'd like that. But why?" She murmured, placing her hand on top of his, their fingers laced together.
"We're doing this right, Lex. I don't wanna mess this up. I want us to do well, to start again and - make sure it goes perfect this time." Mark lets her know in a whisper. "So I'm taking you out, are we clear?"
"Definitely."
Lexie closed her eyes, lifting her hands and rubbing her face, finally remembering where she was.
"I think we should worry about getting out of this elevator though. We're still stuck, Mark. Did you call anybody at all?"
"I paged Hunt a while ago. He's probably dealing with it." he assured her quickly.
"But what if he's not? I- I have a surgery...Derek and I have a surgery, he must be waiting for me..."
"Maybe he didn't start yet." Mark counters "Look, I'll just page Hunt again and we will wait some more - then...then if nothing changes I...yeah I don't know what I will do, but we'll figure it out once we get there." He told her, getting back up to his feet.
"Okay...I completely lost track of time, it's like I forgot about the fact that we were stuck." Lexie informed him, her hand finding the top of her forehead.
"Well - I am pretty distracting, aren't I?" Mark played, grabbing her by the waist and kissing her neck in less than a moment of spare.
"And now - now I am freaking out...again, i am freaking out, because of the stupid elevators..." She pushed away, starting to walk around in circles.
"Calm down, they're dealing with it." Mark told her softly, slightly annoyed by her actions and the way she backed away.
"How do you know?" She snapped, her arms in the air.
"I have a phone?" Mark spoke, as if it was the most obvious thing.
"Oh..." Lexie realized, instantly blushing afterwards.
"Yeah - Owen texted me, said that we will be out in a couple of minutes. It just took a while for the help to arrive." He told her, slowly coming closer and wrapping his arms around her torso, his face finding the crook of her neck.
"Oh, thank god." She exclaimed happily, easily relaxing within his embrace.
"What? You don't like it in here, with me?" Mark pouted, not letting it slip without a tease.
"No, no -I do...I most definitely do, I - I love it. I love you." Lexie winced, instantly grabbing his palms and placing them into her own. "It's just...it's a solo surgery. It's my...my solo surgery." She spoke, as if trying to catch a breath. "I've been preparing myself, Derek was only supposed to observe...I just - I really don't wanna be late. I can't be late. It's my moment, Mark. It's finally my moment, I am supposed to do it on my own, all of it. I just - I need to be there soon."
"Woah, Little Grey - I didn't know you were going solo today." Mark replied, looking her in the eye.
"I am." She informed him, proudly. "I am clipping an aneurysm, Mark. Alone. Like - all by myself and I - yeah,I definitely can't be late for that."
"I'm proud of you...You'll be amazing, I know it." He assured her, his fingers trailing through her hair.
"Yeah?" Lexie asked, hopeful "Y-you really think so?" She questioned after turning around, their faces just a mere inch away from eachother.
"Of course I do." Mark replied, assuring her with all his being. "Want me to watch you?" He then exclaimed suddenly.
"Wait, really? You would?" She asked in complete disbelief. "You really would?" Her tone was warm and light, an affectionate smile finding it's way towards that wonderful face of hers.
"Well-" Mark started, their foreheads attached, holding her as if his life depended on it. "I can't let my little neuro god save a life without support, can I?" He joked, drawing yet another smile out of her. There was nothing more beautiful than when she smiled. Maybe Sofia - but Sofia doesn't coint.
"Your little...neuro god? Seriously?" Lexie questioned, laughter easily heard within her voice.
"Yeah - I don't know where that came from, forget that I even said it."
"No - no...it's kinda cute - actually." Lexie took a deep breath, closing her eyes slightly.
"But, when will you..." She started, yet Mark didn't allow her to finish.
"I'll talk to Julia after your surgery. You don't have to worry about it." He responded, knowing what she was about to say. The tone of her voice - it easily gave it away.
"Do you - want me to come with you?" Her pained eyes meet his.
"No, you stay here..." Mark told her softly " I will deal with her on my own. I should do it by myself, okay?" His steady hand then found her flustered cheek. He tenderly stroked it, doing his best in assuring her that this was something he had to do alone. "You don't have to think about any of that." He guaranteed, clinging onto her as much as she allowed him to.
"I am sorry..." Lexie apologized, a silvery tear peaking through. "-for making you have to deal with all of this. It's all my fault." She spoke, regret obvious within her. "She - she will be broken...because of me and because - because of what I've done..."
"No, no...Hey!" Mark intruded, not letting her take all the blame. Not letting her fall apart for - for this. For what they finally were again...for them.
She couldn't feel regret. Not now, not never - especially not for what she truly feels.
"It's supposed to be like this, okay?" Mark continued, holding her with all his might. "You and I...In the end, I would have always come back to you. I- I know that now."
"It's fine, because her and I..." Mark sighed in frustration, looking up at the ceiling "...it was just never meant to be, you know?"
"How do you know that?" Lexie complained, as if waiting for him to confirm that this wasn't what he wanted - that, maybe, he regrets telling her that he loves her, after all.
"I just...I just do." He looked to her, his voice quiet. He was so sure of what he was saying. Zero doubt...not even for a moment.
"And what? You and I are "meant to be" or something?" She asked through a joyous laugh.
The two were then silent for a moment, Lexie impatiently awaiting for his response.
"Yeah. Yeah we are, Lex." He whispered, kissing her cheek in a matter of moments.
"You...Do you really believe that?" She questioned surprised, still feeling the soft touch of his lips on top of her glossy cheek.
"I do...I do believe it." Mark repeats. He was so close, Lexie could easily feel his breath touch her skin with each exhale he made. "You and I are meant to be Little Grey. We always were...and we always will be."
So then their lips fused together once more, Lexie's heart beating faster and faster as Mark's unshaven face came down to her own.
And yet again, it felt so familiar. The warmth of his lips, the feel of his hands against her shaken body, that little bump on his face she felt every time she would place her palm at that exact spot...her favorite spot.
It felt like...home.
It really felt like coming back home.
And then finally, the couple winced away from eachother, noticing the sudden move of the elevator continuing it's way towards the upper floor.
"Oh my god, finally." Lexie exclaimed, almost jumping out of joy.
"I guess you'll make your surgery then." Mark clears his throat.
"Yeah, I will." She grinned, an affectionate smile adding color to her expression. "So...you will watch, right?" Lexie pursed her lips, putting her hands on her hips.
"Oh, definitely." Mark replied, as the elevator doors finally unlatched.
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