Each Moment Lost to the Past

Chapter 18

Bella's POV

The new school year starts much like the previous in the event that we pull up to the front building in Charlie's cruiser. There is one thing that is different, though.

As Charlie smiles, I return it easily before climbing out. I feel calm as I close the door behind me. Nostalgic, in a way, as I look up at the grey building, I turn to wave at my father through the open window. "Have a good day," I tell him, before starting towards the doors.

Angela pauses halfway up the steps when she sees me, and waves.

"Hey," she says once I join her. "Your truck still broken down?"

"Yeah," I sigh mournfully. "I think it's seen the last of its days."

"It had a good run," Angela says solemnly, and I grin. This is good. This is easy. Simple. "Where's Alice this morning?" she asks as I continue to follow her into the building, rather than wait outside like I used to do when we didn't just arrive together.

"New school year. Something about making an entrance with her siblings," I laugh. "She also said that we have first period together this year. I think she hacked my records because I hadn't even shown her my schedule yet when she told me."

My friend laughs, and I follow her leisurely to her locker. There is plenty of time before the warning bell rings. "Alice can be strangely scary sometimes. Though, in this instance, she probably just charmed Mrs. Cope."

"That's probably more accurate," I admit sheepishly. "Alice is very charming."

Angela glances sideways at me with a contemplative look before closing her locker. I only raise an eyebrow as she follows me to mine next.

"So, is there any change on that front?" she asks, lowering her voice secretively.

My smile becomes instantly more amused. "You do know we're dating, right? I could have sworn I told you."

"What?!" the tall girl exclaims, eyes widening. She quickly claps her hand over her mouth as a few curious students glance over. "No you didn't tell me. When did this even happen?"

"Like, eight months ago?" I guess, counting on my fingers. "Nine?"

My eyes widen when Angela jabs me in the shoulder with her fist. "I could have had a baby in that time. How could I have not known this?"

"I guess for the same reason the rest of the school doesn't know. You didn't pay attention," I say, pouting as I rub at the sore spot on my arm.

"So, you're not telling anyone at school?" she asks, hugging her books and leaning her shoulder into the locker while glancing carefully around at the slowly filling halls. I'm by far uninteresting at this point.

I shrug to her question. "We're not really hiding it. It's not like anyone's asked us if we're dating, and PDA isn't something I think either of us is comfortable doing at school." Actually, Alice would probably get a kick out of planting one on me in front of the entire student body. She'd probably find my mortification amusing.

"After the first dance this year, everyone will probably figure it out," she teases, and I relax into the light banter. In this moment, standing against the lockers in a busy hallway and waiting for school to begin, I feel almost normal.

"She's going to expect me to be the one to ask her, isn't she," I sigh theatrically.

"Probably," my friend laughs.

It's with reluctance that we part ways to find our separate classrooms. When I get in, there are only a few people already there. In a move opposite of last year, I claim one of the desks the furthest in the back. Grades just don't seem as important as they were at the beginning of last year.

As I set my bag in the extra table spot beside me, the chair directly in front of mine scrapes as it's pulled out, and a blond boy claims it. Mike Newton spins around to face me, a white grin in place, almost as impressive as his baby blue eyes.

"You look different this year, Bella," he says, smiling eyes trailing over me. "Confidence suits you," he compliments.

I shift, slightly uncomfortably, under his attention. The interactions I've had with him mainly consist of that first day at lunch, and those cringing moments I had to witness as he tried to woo my girlfriend.

"Thanks," I say anyway, wondering if complimenting and cozying up to me is some new tactic of getting close to Alice. If it is, he'll be sorely disappointed. I'm not likely to put in a good word for him.

"No problem," he says, grin somehow widening before he turns in his seat to talk to one of his friends.

Arms suddenly wrap around my neck from behind, making me jump before I recognize who they belong to. I don't know how the girl could have snuck up behind me, I was watching the door for her.

"Hello, my Firefly," she whispers in my ear before placing a chaste kiss on my cheek and sliding into the seat beside me.

I just know my grin is goofy looking as I remove my things from her table space. "How was the big entrance?" I ask, forgetting all about Mike's strange behavior in favor of giving all my attention to my girlfriend.

"As flashy and dramatic as you'd expect," she grins mischievously at me. "Rose drove today."

"Her red car?" I ask, impressed. The silver Volvo was already the most expensive and noticeable car the lot. The shiny red convertible is just plain showing off. "She does realize someone might try to key it out of spite?"

"If anyone tried, they'd end up dead," Alice laughs in amusement, a musical sound that draws attention from anyone hearing it. Having met Rosalie, I can believe that the threat is a very real possibility.

"I love you," I say, suddenly, just to hear it out loud again. There is something about saying it that is just indescribable. Nothing can compare except, perhaps, her response.

Her face immediately melts into a soft, affectionate smile. "And I love you. Forever."

Perhaps in a classroom right before class starts, randomly blurted out in the middle of conversation, isn't the most romantic setting, but then again, neither was it the first time I said it, right before she had to hold my hair back as I puked into a trashcan. Still, I don't know how many more times I'll get to say it.

…..

"Hey, Jacob," I say softly, staring at the back of his shirt. He shifts, twisting at the waist and craning his neck so that he can see me. I meet his eyes solemnly.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"I love you," I tell him seriously.

He cracks up, leaning so far forward that he almost falls over the handlebars of the motorcycle, and I clutch his waist in terror as it tilts dangerously to one side. He catches it before it can be laid flat, though, and straightens up.

"Relax, Bella, I'm not going to kill you. It will work this time, trust me."

"You said that last time!" I exclaim, severely questioning my life choices.

"One of the parts was more corroded than I thought. I fixed it, now, so it shouldn't shake like it did last time," he happily explains, like he hasn't already traumatized me the last time he claimed the bike was fixed. Why am I doing this again?

"I really hope you actually know how to ride this thing," I grumble, burying my face into his back so that I can't see my imminent death.

"Bells, I just turned 15. I don't even have my regular driver's license," he says, suddenly revving the engine. "Kidding!" he quickly reassures before I can leap off the back. "I'm sure it's just like riding a bike… Kidding!" he says again, actually having to reach backwards to stop me from climbing off the back.

I finally settle into the seat, nerves frayed, and decide to never trust the boy again after this.

"Mostly," he mumbles, but I'm close enough that I still hear it. The bike jolts forward before I can do anything- either climb off for real or hit him.

I tense up, waiting for the inevitable, violent, shaking of the bike, or for it to suddenly tip over, but it doesn't happen. It feels steady underneath me as the wind rips at my clothes and hair. Slowly, I straighten up, loosening my death grip around the younger boy.

The trees blur past along the open dirt path, and I just allow the moment to wash over me, this free feeling of flying. It's very similar to cliff diving except it lasts longer and there's no splash at the end (hopefully). And no feeling like my stomach dropped to my toes.

When Jake takes a curve smoothly, I relax fully, leaning back and allowing even more air to flow over me. The rumbling snarl of the engine is almost calming in my ears. We move so fast through the world, flying over the earth, and it feels like nothing can touch us- not even seizures or cancer.

When Jacob finally slows the bike and stops back where we started, I reluctantly climb off. "Okay," I say, nodding to the boy. "Teach me how to drive this thing."

Jacob's grin widens.

…..

"Good morning, Bella!" Mike calls as Alice and I make our way to the back of the classroom. "You look pretty today, any special plans?" He asks, turning in his seat as we pass his desk.

I suppress a frown as he gives me all his attention. He's been doing this a lot since the start of school, and maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if he didn't completely ignore my girlfriend beside me. What a bazaar way to try to get her attention, but Alice is never annoyed nor moved. She gets this amused little smirk.

"Uh, yeah. My family and I are going out after school today," I say slowly setting down my books.

"It's her birthday today," Alice adds unhelpfully, and even as he reluctantly acknowledges her, he lights up. I suppress a groan, instead shooting a side glare at the girl.

"Well then happy birthday! I wish I'd known, otherwise I would have gotten you a cupcake or something."

"That's really okay," I say weakly. "And I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone."

"Sure, yeah, of course!" he says emphatically, yet I'm still surprised when, for the rest of the day, not a single person wishes me a happy birthday. Maybe he isn't too bad.

"Hey, looks like your truck is fixed," Angela comments as Charlie pulls up in the rusted red vehicle rather than his cruiser. We are picking Billy and Jake up and going straight to some restaurant in Seattle.

I wince as that excuse falls through. "Guess so," I shrug as casually as I can.

My friend waits with me at the top of the steps, watching as Charlie slowly moves through the pick-up line for other kids who either can't drive or doesn't have a car. Angela has her own car she uses to pick up her little brothers across the street, so I know I'm the reason she hesitates on the stairs.

"Hey, Bella," she says suddenly, reaching out for my arm, and I instinctively shy away from the touch. I didn't even notice that it's something I've been doing lately until just now where the other girl's hand hovers over where I'd jerked my arm away. It floats there a moment, in the air, before drifting down to her side. The concerned expression in her eyes tell me all I need to know. Me shying away like that isn't normal. At least not before this year. "Are you okay?" she asks, brow furrowing.

"Yeah," I say reflexively, eyes wide. I quickly search through my recent memories- pulling up instances with Alice, Charlie, and Jacob. None of their touches I've dodged. So, it's only with people that don't normally touch me. "Yeah, why?"

"I don't know," Angela frowns. "I feel like something's wrong. You've been spacing out a lot in class this year. Whenever we have homework assignments, most of the time you don't turn anything in. Did something happen?"

I didn't realize that she paid that much attention to me. My entire face softens.

Several times lately, I've been thrown into a daydream without warning whenever someone brushes up against me. It's just flashes of senseless stuff- them laughing or eating breakfast or at some party. Sometimes no one even has to touch me. I'll just touch a pencil sharpener, or even balance myself against a wall, and I'll be thrown into a different setting. It's disorienting. It's maddening.

Now I keep my arms close to my own body and don't touch anything around me except things that I touch every day. Even that one desk I sat in last year, that I fell asleep at and dreamed of the teacher and the girl, I can't touch anymore.

Tyler was a bit disgruntled when I stole his seat the next day, but he let me have it without too much of a fuss.

"I'm fine, Angela. Really. Anyway, I've got to go." I wave to the girl, skipping down the steps to where my father has finally pulled up to the curb. I thought I'd been careful not to react every time I've been thrown back, but not reacting is a reacting in and of itself I suppose. It's better than collapsing into a seizure, though. I can feel my friend's eyes following me all the way to the truck until I close my door.

She doesn't understand why school is just so very unimportant, and I don't plan on explaining it to her. It's not like I'll be applying to college. Or graduating, probably.

Morbid thoughts, morbid thoughts. I sigh. I need to think happier thoughts.

Will this be my last birthday?

A/N: Morbid thoughts, morbid thoughts. Well, I'm not going to guess how many, but I think this story is getting close to its end. I don't quite know how I want to finish it, yet. How much would you guys hate me if I just made Bella die suddenly when Alice isn't around and that's that? Nah, I won't do that. Probably.

Please let me know what you think, guys.

~Silver~