BEFORE WE BEGIN, THE POWER SCALING WAS EDITED IN THE LAST CHAPTER!
A/N: Hello beautiful people! Sorry for the wait!
A small review response for people displeased with the ranking is this: This is an AU.
I acknowledge that 'gods' are "canonically" around star/galaxy level off their mythical feats alone (ex: creating a constellation which implies either controlling stars or moving star systems). But the problem comes with the contradiction of multiple pantheons all existing on the same earth and Rick Riordan's lackluster power scaling.
Now I don't blame the guy since obviously, his target demographic wouldn't care about stuff that other fandoms like the DBZ fandom love to talk about.
But Imma makes something clear, this fic will change how some aspects of the world works, mainly to explain the fact 'gods' can canonically create constellations. The problem lies with the dilemma: If space is real, does that mean other pantheons can see things like Zoe's constellation? If not then space isn't real or at least there's a unique aspect of it for each pantheon.
Plus, if gods are so powerful, how come the Olympians have a "limited" range of influence?
To fix all that, here's what I propose.
Every pantheon has its corner of the globe where they can play with the natural laws as they see fit. They have a "canvas" or a "blanket" in their sky that acts as something the gods can alter to create "constellations".
Basically, the Mist is the biggest player in the myths and making those seem real when the actual feat is far less impressive.
For the Bijuu, it's fair to say that I've boosted them since their canon self would not reach "Major god" or anything higher than "continental" level, (IDGAF what wankers like FTDS have to say on this, Naruto and even the Otsutsukis are at most, planetary level, their feats never go beyond this).
The reason I've boosted them is a simple fact this takes place 12000 years after canon Naruto ended - They got many times stronger.
With that out of the way, let's move on to chapter 11!
A myriad of colors flowed from the orbs floating in the void.
Naruto floated in a seiza position as the colorful rivers of energy came and converged all around him.
The Sage felt his chakra drain little by little as energy (or should he call it chakra as well? It was certainly similar enough) flowed between his palms and began to be molded and shaped.
First, a small white orb containing a rotating storm of power manifested, and the blond almost felt his hands vibrate from its intensity.
It was crushed before the palms separated and between them laid another orb, this time fiery brown and glowing, with what looked like beads rotating around it, each with their color and evidently, their element.
Naruto's palms met again, crushing the Rasengan-like technique before repeating the process, his creations becoming more complex with every try.
After what seemed like hours, the blond opened his palms one final time, showing what can only be described as a scaled-down star system. A fist-sized orb glowing white was orbited by hundreds of bead-sized globes of every color of the spectrum, all of which were encased in a translucent white bubble.
Naruto's eyes shined in amazement at the sight.
"Hmm [Galactic Ransengan]? No, no, Kurama'd laugh at me for it, too lame. Bahahaha! That damned fox!" The sage laughed as the technique was dispelled and the energies making it up returned to their respective Domain.
He could feel his body changing as time passed, the density of his muscles and skeleton skyrocketing under the effect of Sage Mode. The dark orange markings he had around his eyes had spread on his body, looking similar to flame-like tribal tattoos, another effect of his stay.
This was the longest he's been in Sage Mode since he's learned it.
How long has it been since he's been in this state? Since he's been in this void?
A year? A decade? A century? Maybe more?
Were the Bijuu lonely without him? Were they arguing?
He missed them.
He looked around him, gazing at the multitude of domains he hadn't touched. He'd come to learn those were what he would call "abstract" or "conceptual" domains. Things like "Love", "Wisdom", "Madness", and many other aspects of the human spirit existed as orb-like apparitions, just like the more tangible or "natural" domains.
He refused to use or connect to those, or at least the ones that changed someone's spirit.
He'd fought an entire war against someone whose sole purpose was to take away everyone's free will, and he would die before lowering himself to the same level.
His musings were interrupted as he felt the void, impossibly enough, shake around him. The domains were vibrating in place erratically, almost as if they were shivering from fright or excitement.
Suddenly the Sage felt it, beyond the domains, beyond the seemingly endless expanse of space.
There was something or someone there.
Kaguya? Gaia? The Juubi? No presence had ever made him feel so small before.
Whatever it was, Naruto felt simultaneously relieved and terrified from it. He could not explain it, but the instant he felt its gaze on him, it was like every speck of power he held vanished. He became an ant awaiting to be crushed underneath a giant's foot, and yet, despite that feeling, something instinctively told him the being wouldn't harm him.
Naruto did not know when his body had moved, but he'd suddenly found himself in a kowtowed position, lowering his head in complete submission in the face of supreme power.
The nature of the being became clear to him, the answer appearing in the back of his mind.
With not a shred of doubt in his voice, he uttered the name.
"God"
~~Preview to Perfect Sagehood : Meeting the One Above All~~
Olympus, Demeter's Temple, 16th of September, 2000
Hestia brought the cup of tea to her lips, she sipped it and hummed in pleasure at the rich flavor. Another sip was heard from the seat next to hers as her younger sister, the Queen of Olympus herself sat in a simple yet regal purple toga and sipped from a similar cup.
"Hmmmm… This tea is delightful sister" Hera commented kindly, gaining a smile from her eldest sibling.
The pair sat in silence, simply enjoying each other's company.
Hera was usually described as regal, if not cold beauty. Even the myths pictured her as hardly approachable to anyone, even her family. But few were the ones who could get her to lower her guard completely. Her sisters, mother, and daughter Hebe were the only ones she ever felt truly comfortable with… Her husband too… Most of the time.
It's not like she'd wanted to be, as that stupid son of hers so eloquently put, the "Head Bitch of Olympus", but Them-damnit! Her family (most of it anyway), made it hard NOT to be angry or frustrated twenty-four-seven! It sometimes felt like she was running a menagerie! If it wasn't the men in the family either chasing skirts or starting fights, it was her and the others' marriages causing her a headache because of how dysfunctional they were.
Or the demigods… The Them-damned demigods.
So yes, the goddess of Marriage was pretty stressed!
Tea-time with her sisters was one of the only times she could feel genuine relief and remove the load she carried off her shoulders.
Which is what she was doing right now, with Hestia, the kindest person she'd known next to her mother….
And her sister Demeter… before whatever happened half a month ago happened.
"Sister… are you sure you don't want any tea?" the goddess of Family hesitantly broke the silence and looked at the third daughter of Rhea.
Hera understood her hesitance. The goddess of Harvest had changed ever since she'd been, as she'd put it, "violated" by either Hermes or whatever mysterious culprit had invaded her sacred potager. She'd become increasingly paranoid, jittery, and frustrated. She refused to exit her home which had almost become a penitentiary. With servants stationed at all times around the premises, security systems added by Hephaestus himself, and even a horde of mutated houseplants.
Yes, the Queen of Olympus had NOT wanted to come to Demeter's place and only did so because her sister refused to come out.
"No" the blonde goddess in question answered curtly, frustrating her younger sister. Demeter, unlike both of her guests, was not sitting in a comfortable armchair, or wearing a toga. Oh no! The blonde goddess had seemingly taken a page out of Ares' book and taken to wearing military-like attire in her own home. She was posted at the nearest window with her head fixed on the garden, fingers tapping on the windowsill anxiously.
"..." neither the Queen nor the last Olympian had any words for that behavior.
"Frickin' little thief, just try and take my precious greens again you Us-damned…" Demeter trailed off as she muttered under her breath, unaware of her sisters' progressively worried stares.
Hestia, in particular, was facing an inner predicament.
She initially figured that her dear sister was simply going through a phase, that the paranoia would subside with the thief's absence. Clearly, that was too much to hope for, because the middle daughter of Rhea had gotten worse.
She briefly debated on the idea of simply outing Zetsu's existence, if only to have her sister return to her senses, but simply imagining the catastrophic results of such a decision made her hesitate.
Even if she somehow got the two to keep quiet, the goddess of the Hearth knew very well that Demeter was almost as vindictive as Hera. She would teleport to Earth and attempt to either kill or curse Zetsu, resulting in the boy's father getting involved, and the subsequent escalation of the conflict into a potential inter-pantheonic war.
"Umm… Sister? Do you… need to talk about it?" the eldest Olympian asked with worry.
A brief silence enveloped the three, as Hera awkwardly sipped her own cup, before Demeter, almost robotically, turned her head towards her siblings.
Hestia's resolve weakened upon seeing the bags under the blonde's eyes.
"What's there to talk about? You know very well what happened and unlike Zeus," she bit out the name so viciously, one could've mistaken her for the god's own wife "I am going to do something about it" she said with finality.
"My husband's incompetence aside," Hera started, earning a snort from the goddess of the Seasons "don't you think it's a bit excessive? The place looks like one of those mortal military bases for Us' sake!" she commented while waving her hand around.
"No" the blonde goddess started before raising her arms in the air exasperatedly "You don't get it Hera! I tried everything! I just don't understand how that intruder got through! My only guess was Hades because of his Helm but nooooooo, he was apparently "out shopping with Persephone" and too busy to screw me over-"
"Sister!" Hestia interrupted with a slight glare. Frustrated or not, there was no reason for rudeness!
"I KNOW, sorry Hestia but it's the truth! Hades is the only one able to do this undetected! Unless Hermes stole his Helm or, or, or" she waved her fingers, tone growing hysterical "a spy!" that word made Hestia pale, unnoticed by the other two.
"That's right a spy! It's the only explanation! Maybe the Norse are-" Demeter's theory was interrupted as her younger sister got up abruptly and walked over to her.
"Alright, I think you've stayed up long enough!" Hera with a tone she used strictly when speaking to her own children, went over to the hysterical goddess and guided her away to the temple's Master bedroom.
Hestia was left alone with her thoughts, the eldest Olympian was utterly lost on what to do. She knew revealing Naruto and Zetsu's existence would cause cataclysmic chaos in Mount Olympus not seen since the Titanomachy but leaving the issue hanging felt like a betrayal to her own sister!
'Maybe Mother would know…' she thought as she followed Hera to put their sibling to bed, resolving to visit the Titan Queen for advice.
Howell Township, New Jersey, same time
Zetsu groaned for the fifty-seventh time that morning at the loud laughter of his father. It wasn't Pops' fault per se, but the new addition to the group, someone that had joined them about a week ago when he came across them, had something that his father found interesting.
The very moment Grover Underwood uttered his name, Zetsu's face had gone ash white as a positively menacing grin overtook the elder Uzumaki's face.
"Oh? And what a positively clover name you have!" That was the first of so many plant-related puns, and Naruto wouldn't stop anytime soon.
Oh no! No no no NOoooO.
It could never be that easy, his father was in one of his moods now, he practically spoke in puns nowadays (to the point even the demigods had gotten annoyed), as he invited Grover to join them on their journey. If Zetsu wasn't heavily considering murder at the moment, he might have commended the Satyr for his notable hesitance on joining the clearly crazy blond man.
Clearly, the boy had some form of survival instinct, that would help him if Zetsu ever got him alone.
Yes, he realized Grover wasn't at fault but Goddamnit there was no such thing as coincidences and it felt like them meeting a guy with a very punny (GODDAMNIT) name was the result of some luck spirit/'god''s machinations.
'I swear if one of the Shichi-Fuku-Jin (1) is somehow behind this, I will be growing an entire tree up their-'
"Zetsu! Zetsu! What're ya doing looking so seed over there?" the father's voice interrupted his cursing and he looked back at the man, sighing and going over to him.
He'd been trying to keep his negative thoughts to himself because he did not want to upset the man or worse: bring down one of his patented Fatherly Lectures™ on him.
The younger Uzumaki shivered at the thought.
No sirrreee!
Back to his father, the blond man had helped the group set up their camp for the night, all the while badgering each of the members with more puns. Zetsu honestly wondered how long it would take before one of them would snap.
"Alright I've tried to stay quiet about this but ENOUGH WITH THE PUNS ALREADY !" The raven-haired demigoddess screamed in anger.
Ah, so the Spitfire was the one to give in first. Unsurprising.
The girl had thrown the firewood she'd been carrying in the air and sparked with electricity in response to her anger. Luke had instinctively moved to put Annabeth behind him while Grover had bleated in fright.
Naruto's grin never wavered as he simply raised an eyebrow at the girl.
"Awww bud I was having such a fun…" here the man leaned closer to the girl while putting both hands on his knees and continued, "...thyme" He winked.
Something seemed to crack in Thalia's mind as she finally abandoned all reason and pounced on the comedian with an animalistic roar.
As the two got into a scuffle (mostly Naruto holding Thalia back and laughing as her electricity tickled him), Zetsu looked at the other two demigods and saw them putting some distance away from the two. Luke had apparently, wisely decided to let the girl resolve her issues without damaging himself.
Smart boy.
'And now,' the younger Uzumaki gleefully turned towards the still-terrified Grover, 'it's just you and me little goat'
Said Satyr looked at the teen's almost inhumanly large smile and couldn't help but gulp.
Grover Underwood was torn, all things considered.
On one hand, finding three demigods in one place was, well, a jackpot by "Protector" standards, it meant more people to guide and potentially, a great way to be promoted to "Scout" which was his life goal, to be able to look for their missing patron; On the other hand, there were the… extra-company.
Granted Mr. Naruto was a good chaperone for the group and knew his way around nature (not to mention he and the other Uzumaki both felt like what he could only qualify as "male Dryads"), something that put him in Grover's good books, but his seemingly ridiculous strength also put the Satyr on constant edge. Thalia, Luke, and Annabeth probably believed that nonsense he spouted about training because they did not know the limits of the human body. Something that the goat boy was very much more aware of, having spent a lot of time around other demigods at camp and having received lessons on those subjects from Chiron himself.
And Mr. Naruto? It was safe to say that Grover had his doubts about whether or not the blond man was truly mortal, something that the man insisted on. Regardless of his build, the Satyr had seen Naruto defeat much larger monsters with seemingly ridiculous ease. Nevermind the fact said man was now "playing" with an angry Thalia, whom the Satyr could clearly see was emitting sparks of electricity like a lightning rod.
It was all just so confusing…
ゴゴゴゴゴゴ
The Satyr suddenly felt a chill run up his spine as he looked to the side, finding the other subject of his worries. Another blond teenager looking to be Thalia or Luke's age, one that looked at him, his whiskered cheeks (a hereditary trait from his father who possessed the same ones apparently) stretched into an unnaturally large grin with an uncomfortable twinkle in the boy's blue eyes.
Yeah… That was another issue.
Zetsu, Naruto's son and the one that acted almost as grumpy as Mr. D, was someone who gave him the creeps. Whatever it was, the teen had found an issue with him and kept giving him dirty looks. The fact the blond groaned in what looked like physical pain every time his father made a joke (something he did a lot, not that Grover minded much, the plant puns were pretty funny) and that the whole thing started with Grover saying his name…
All in all, he felt like he'd offended the teen or at least gotten on his bad side for it, and he didn't like it.
"Hey" the Satyr almost shrieked at the sudden voice. He turned around to see the subject of his worries gazing at him with the same unnerving smile plastered on his face.
ゴゴゴゴゴゴ
Grover bleated in terror at that positively menacing aura wafting off of the boy.
This boy/thing was making his survival instincts go haywire.
"Mind coming with me? I need to talk to you for a sec" the blond pointed over his shoulder to a nearby shrub in the woods.
The Satyr noticed how it was conveniently thick enough to hide a body, and his knees began to quake.
'Stop it Grover, think of what dad would do, you gotta be brave and rational, not everyone is out to get you!' the protector shook his head before looking at the teen and nodding firmly.
With renewed vigor, the Satyr follow the younger Uzumaki to what may possibly be his end, or maybe-
His musings were cut off as a hand encircled his neck in a vice-like grip and lifted him off the ground.
If Grover wasn't panicking and blubbering in terror, he might have noticed how the forest around them had thickened.
He definitively would've noticed how the Uzumaki had gained a midnight black complexion, a demon-like appearance, and grown a few feet until he looked more like a spindly skeleton than an imp.
Oh, and did he mention the tentacles?
Those were a thing.
Zetsu was inwardly feeling cathartic.
Sure Grover was not at fault for the pun bullshit but he was the unwilling cause of it. And after suffering days of his father's jokes, some of which he felt breached some form of human rights, the Sage had reached the limits of his patience.
Oh he knew, he was probably going to get in trouble for this, probably a repeat of the catastrophic infiltration mission, but right now? He could not give a rat's ass about his father's opinion.
"Glurk" the goat boy in his powerful grip gasped and trashed to free himself but Zetsu wouldn't let up. He'd taken his father's distraction as an opportunity, led the Satyr alone, then proceeded to transform back to his original form and then grow an inhumanly tall skeletal figure with elongated tentacles. (2)
Oh yeah, monsters from Lovecraftian lore had nothing on him.
"I'll say this once so you better listen" he hissed, decreasing the force of his grip on his victim so they could hear him, "you have two options here, either you leave or you change your fucking name"
Grover muttered something, or bleated again, the Uzumaki did not know. Seeing as the Satyr was struggling, Zetsu sighed before dropping him to the ground. The goat boy scrambled away until his back hit a tree, but before he could scream, the Uzumaki extended his neck at lightning speed, until his face was in Grover's own. A black wooden tentacle wrapped around the boy's mouth to prevent sound from escaping.
"You so much as scream and I will be having you for dinner. I love goat meat." Zetsu emphasized his point by opening his mouth, showcasing his row of sharpened teeth, before continuing, "now what will it be boy? Leave or be called something less -ugh- punny?"
When Zetsu removed his limb from the Satyr's mouth, his victim had tears in his eyes and his face had gone ash white.
Yet despite his chattering teeth, he managed to utter out a meek "I-I can't"
"Can't what? Option one or two?" the Uzumaki asked harshly.
"B-both!" spikes suddenly came an inch from the boy's throat as he elaborated in panic "I'm a protector! I can't leave demigods behind! And my name is part of a sacred tradition!"
Zetsu blinked at this. Duty, he could understand, but tradition? Was this fool seriously risking death over something so trivial?
"Explain" the Sage hissed.
And Grover explained, he poured his heart out, telling Zetsu about the story of Pan, the god of Nature and the Wilderness, the Satyrs' and Nature spirits' long lost patron god, and their mission to find him again. As well as the sacred tradition to name themselves with terms close to Nature in some way to honor him.
Oh woe is him was it sad, if Zetsu had a higher capacity for empathy, he might have shed a tear.
He was sarcastic of course, he couldn't give less of a shit about some missing 'god', but the story did shed new light on the subject, although Zetsu would rather call it anything but 'light'.
'Satyrs and Nature Spirits? Do you mean to tell me these shitty names are common amongst not one, but multiple races? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?' the Uzumaki raged within.
He'd long since retracted his tentacles from Grover, who scrambled back to his feet and pressed his back against the trunk while looking at the tall monster who seemed to be having an internal crisis.
Which Zetsu was, if his hands almost tearing his hair apart were any clue.
'FUUUUUUUUUCK! WHAT THE HELL DO I DO ABOUT THIS? I CANNOT TAKE POPS' SHITTY JOKES ON A BIGGER SCALE THAN THIS' he screamed internally.
'What the fuck do I do here? Pan? He's the reason. Finding him would make him stop right? But how the hell do I-right' Zetsu slapped his forehead in realization.
Grover didn't know what to do in this situation. He feared running away would have that monster on him like a predator and his life would be forfeit. Even if he seemed distracted right now, odds are he could smell his fear like a wolf.
Before he could ponder on any deathly scenario ahead of him, the trashing monster stilled, clapped his head, before he did something that shocked the Satyr.
For one, Zetsu shrunk from a height of nine feet to a third of that size. For two, he clenched his fists before his body, as if pulled apart by something, stretched horizontally and split.
'What?' the protector was dumbfounded at the process, wondering if the monster was okay.
He got his answer when the two halves of the monster reformed into two separate beings, before repeating the process and dividing into four.
'WHAT?' Grover paled once again at the sight of multiple predators, 'That thing can split itself?'
"You three head West then split into separate directions, multiply if you have to but find that fucker, ask him into repeal that nonsense. Nicely or with force, you know what's at stake here" the one in the middle ordered, pointing at the other three.
"Ossu!Original!" the other three saluted, before sinking into the ground as if it was made of liquid, and disappearing.
Grover was left stupefied as his shaky legs finally gave away under his weight and left him to collapse at the base of the tree.
'What?' He once again repeated, mind numb with all that had happened. So much so that he did not register the Uzumaki essentially ordering his clones to find Lord Pan.
"And now," said Uzumaki said, before turning to the Satyr and advancing towards him, the same menacing aura coming back in full force.
"About that na-"
"Ahem"
Zetsu froze as he looked around Grover, making the Satyr turn to see the eldest blond leaning up from behind the same tree he was sitting against.
"Ah! Pops! I was just-" the younger Uzumaki's face shifted into a look of horror, similar to the one Grover had been sporting for some time now.
"Apapap!" Naruto raised a single finger, the smile on his face doing nothing to hide the anger in his tone.
Zetsu clamped his mouth shut, as did Grover out of reflex. The father looked between both of them before slowly, if creepily, turning his head towards his son, with eyes shining gold.
"Ohohohoooooo you better have a damned good explanation for this my boy" Naruto said, the underlying threat in his voice very obvious to the two listeners.
A/N: It is my pleasure to announce that Pan now shares the #1 spot on Zetsu's shit list with the creator of My Little Pony (the punny names were horrifying).
Also, obvious Jojo reference is obvious.
I hope y'all weren't confused with the preview. It explains a big part of Perfect Sagehood and the reason Naruto and Zetsu are monotheists.
(1) Seven Lucky gods of the Shinto pantheon.
(2) Think of Slenderman, but completely black, with Zetsu's yellow eyes and mouth thin green hair.