All familiar characters belong to Janet. Mistakes are solely mine.
"Woo-hoo, you sure did it this time!" Grandma Mazur shouted, as Steph opened our apartment door for her.
"What did I do now?" My wife asked, stepping to the side before Edna bowled her over.
"Hey, Olive Pit, come give your great-grandma a big hug."
Where Stephanie is, Olivia isn't far behind. Add a visitor, and our baby is on top of the situation … and usually quickly on top of the person, since no one is allowed on Seven unless they're family.
"That's what my 'ol bones were needin' today," Edna told Olive, giving her a squeeze back. "Hold your horses, I got your bones in my pocket."
"I hope you're talking to Mo and Gunny," I teased. "If you come up here with bones on your person, I'll need to run a few tests to be sure they don't belong to your last date."
"Oh, you," was her response, accompanied by a slight blush.
Frank isn't the only one who has been venturing outside of my building.
Once Olivia was racing back down the hall, and Gunner and Ammo followed with their treats, Steph went back to her initial question. "Come on in and sit down in the kitchen. Which thing did I do that did … something?"
"The Burg is still buzzing about Frank having a lady friend who was partyin' with you and Valerie, but the big bombshell was you talkin' to a Morelli! Not only that, rumor has it that she's gettin' a divorce and you're the reason."
"I'm flattered that the Burg thinks I can magically end someone else's marriage. You can let them all know that I really can't. If Cathy's filed for divorce, she must have a good reason," my wife stated. "It's kind of funny though. I bet the Burg biddies are now terrified that if their daughters see me on the street, they'll catch 'divorce fever' and make a break for freedom too."
"So you did pay her a visit?" Edna pushed, sitting down across from my wife.
"We did," I replied, pouring her a cup of coffee and setting it in front of her before standing beside Stephanie's chair. "She needed some personal and legal advice and we helped her with it."
"I knew it!" Edna exclaimed. "While you were there, did you just happen to offer Cathy a prepaid vacation to the tropics while the almost-ex clears out his junk from their house?"
"You can stop fishing, Grandma. Cathy and I have always had an okay relationship, and I'm the only one outside of Chambersburg who she could talk to who wouldn't push her to do what's best for her marriage instead of herself. She needed a moment to figure out what she wanted, and she's never taken a vacation - let alone have time to herself - so we provided one for her with the Rangeman discount."
"Which means moneybags here paid for everything."
"As you and Frank already know, if someone treats my wife the way she deserves, I don't mind rewarding them," I answered so Steph didn't have to.
"Cathy wanted out ... of her marriage, and also out of the Burg so she can plan the next phase of her life. Ranger and I just gave her an escape destination."
"You know what I heard?" Edna asked.
"No. And you know I'm not real interested in gossip, Grandma."
"Don't get your underpants in a pucker, I'm just trying to tell ya that I know why she ran. I would've too! Rumor has it that she can't have kids because of some lady part issue, and that good-for-nothin' husband of hers used that as an excuse to run around on her … claimin' they don't have a 'real marriage'. Word on the street is he's now renting a room in that dump they call a hotel in hopes of saving up some money. He knows he's gonna be losing most of it when they go to court."
I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath so I wouldn't head out and castrate the fucker. Beating the shit out of him after the doctor gave his brain an 'all clear' doesn't feel like enough right now. The pussy had been crying about how bad Hal and I had hurt him, while not acknowledging how he gutted his wife and Mr. Bianchi, two people he supposedly cared about. Hefty alimony payouts to Cathy are the least of the things he's going to give her for all the years she wasted on him.
Unfortunately for Brice Bianchi, he loves his wife close to the same level as I love mine. But I have a feeling Mrs. Bianchi shares Barnhardt's bottom feeder mentality, where nice equals boring ... so she went shopping around for what she considered a 'bad boy' to play around with and settled for Cathy's spouse. Brice deserves better, but at least his blind devotion to his wife affords this baby the protection he or she would've needed if they had remained in Trenton.
Steph sensed my rage and reached for my hand, giving it an 'I understand. I'd like to cut his balls off with a dull knife too' squeeze.
"Cathy believed she was married for real, and so did the Burg, so she needed to get away for a few weeks to regroup and reprioritize her life before her classes start."
At Edna's blank look, Steph continued. "You didn't know Cathy plans to go back to school and not stop until she has a bachelor's degree in children's special education? She may not be able to have kids in the approved-of Burg way, but she's about to be loved by hundreds of them."
She paused as Olivia rejoined us. "Sit. Big me," she told us, completely ignoring her highchair and eyeing the kitchen chair beside Steph's.
I pulled it out for her while Stephanie put a hand on the seat so our baby wouldn't tip it as she tried to scale it.
"Do you need some help, Olive?" My wife asked. "Here, use Mama's hand and leg to get up onto the chair."
Olivia modified her Mama's suggestion, but still managed to half-climb/half-pull herself up onto the 'big me' chair. Seeing that her nose is inches below the tabletop, she had to reevaluate her goal.
"Mama, no see."
"If you don't want your highchair, how about you let Daddy sit under you so you'll be big like him and can then see what's on the table?"
My heart physically ached when my daughter's big, brown eyes looked pleadingly up at me. "Dada, sits too me."
"It would be my pleasure," I told her, effortlessly lifting her straight up into the air and then taking the chair under her, before I lowered her back down to the sound of her laughing at being airborne and weightless for a moment.
"You sure are a little cutie patootie," Edna told Olive.
"Isn't she?" Steph said, reaching out to brush away a strand of Olivia's hair that got caught up on the thick lashes lining her eyes.
Not needing to hear how right she is when it comes to our baby, my wife switched gears in her conversation with her grandmother.
"Since you mentioned it, when it comes to our Rangeparty, I'm sure you and Shirley didn't forget to mention to everybody you bumped into that you two were also with Dad with Aideen, Grandma. Val and I weren't the only ones witnessing some moving on."
"Yup, your mother sure gave me an earful on spending time with them."
Both Stephanie and I stared hard at her, but Steph is the one who spoke. "I keep telling you that Ranger can make sure she leaves you alone, you just have to say the word."
"Why the heck would I do that? This is the most fun I've had in years. Valerie is finally toughening up. You've got Ranger to keep you safe from Helen and all her nitpicking. And 'ol Frank's got a hot new number he's courtin'. I get to sit back and watch everything I warned Helen about ... happen, with there being nothin' she can do about it."
I felt Steph's eyes on me. I shrugged. I can't stop Helen from contacting her mother if Edna is encouraging it. Well, I can … but I don't like telling anyone how to live unless they're putting my family at risk. As long as Edna and Helen don't involve my wife and daughters in their game, I can wait until I'm asked to step in.
Oblivious to the conversation Steph and I are having telepathically, Edna continued on. "And do you wanna know what my daughter, the one who just lost everything but the house, is fixatin' on?"
When it was clear that she wouldn't speak again until she received some encouragement, Steph humored her.
"What?" My wife unwisely asked.
"That Aideen's hair is a pretty silver color. Your mother can't get it through her thick skull how any woman would purposely let herself go gray. Worse than that, have men like her au naturel."
The crinkle of Stephanie's nose and mouth, made it clear that her father and the expression 'au naturel' shouldn't coexist in the same sentence.
"I'm not surprised. That's just like Mom," she told Edna. "It's all about appearances with her. Aideen could cure cancer and she wouldn't get credit for even that miracle because she loves her natural hair. When Olive is old enough to attempt half the stuff I've done growing up, I'm gonna keep the gray hairs she causes from worrying me to death, because I'll have earned every strand."
"There ain't nothin' wrong with touchin' up what God gave you."
"No, there isn't. That's the point. You do what's right for you. No one else gets a say. And Aideen's hair seems to be really working for Dad," Steph said. "He can't take his eyes off her when she's talking or just sitting still."
"Just like your young fella," Edna said, winking at me. "Oh, before I forget … the other big Burg news is the Bianchi's moved down South. You remember them, don't you? Well, one day everything's just like it always is, and the next … a 'For Sale' sign gets stuck in their lawn, and they skedaddle a day later. Helen's goin' batty trying to find out what's going on, and what happened to make them skip town."
"Why?" Steph asked. "She barely knew them."
"So? A story is a story, whether or not you're familiar with the characters."
Steph suddenly leaned into me. "I'm so glad I don't live there anymore. I must be getting old, because the scandal-search is more exhausting than interesting these days."
I curled my arm around Olive's middle and used my free hand to pull my wife in for a hug, despite Mo trying to get in-between our chairs. If our dogs are good for anything, it's making my ladies laugh.
"Jealous, Mo?" Steph asked him. "I'm sorry to break it to you, but Ranger is my one and only. Though I do like you, Gunner, and Rex a lot."
Her giving Mo a kiss on his nose, and letting him reciprocate, belied her words.
"Aren't you forgetting your dust mop?" Edna asked.
"No. You, Olive, Julie, and Mado are in another category … where girls rule."
"Now you're talkin' with some sense!" Edna replied. "Guess we should add your sister and Aideen to that list."
"Yup. Along with Mary Lou and the guys' wives or girlfriends." She turned her head and glanced at me. "Why were they all weirded out when we all got together? I understand Dad's concern, Aideen was hanging out with his daughters, granddaughters, and ex mother-in-law, but the rest of the women aren't strangers to the building."
"You think I know?" I asked, pulling Edna's empty mug across the table so Olivia can complete her 'I'm a grown-up' act, turning it so Olive won't get any ideas about wearing lipstick like Edna clearly does, given the rose-colored lip-print marring the side of the mug.
Steph's eyebrows went up. "I know you do."
"The men are loners until it comes to work, Babe, where they're forced to rely on each other to stay alive. When they let their guard down around their chosen woman … they believe it's a private alliance. When they're separated, old thoughts and patterns try to take over and they begin telling themselves that you, Harper, Aubrey, Kenzie, Mabyn, Amari, or Aideen won't stick around if you get a taste of what life's like without us …"
"Please tell me you're making a really bad joke," Steph interrupted. "Believe me, being away from you for any length of time just makes me really miss you. I have zero desire for even more space than what our jobs already cause. I don't want to picture a life without you, and I know all the women agree with me. I mean, you know how annoying Kane and Atlas are, but Harper and Amari can't or won't see it. How to get away from you guys is definitely NOT what we were plotting."
I grinned and let Olivia slide off my lap as a new adventure formed in her mind. "So you admit to plotting something?"
"Yup. But I'm sorry to disappoint you. The women and I were trying to figure out how to be there for you guys without you realizing that you need us for support. It's a tricky balance. We don't want you all to think we're worried about you, while trying to show that we're right beside you looking for ways to help you deal with issues you don't want any attention drawn to."
She's teasing, but also serious.
"Don't make that face," she ordered me, despite the fact that my expression hadn't changed. She can read me that well. "Men always complain that when they ask their significant other what's wrong, they only get "Nothing" for an answer. But we're in the same boat, when we can sense something's off but don't know the details of what caused the change in your mood. I'm not putting you in that category, because I can usually convince you to tell me things you probably don't want to."
Edna clinked her dentures extra loud a few beats later. "Should I leave you two alone?"
Steph laughed, breaking the eye-intercourse we had going. "Grandma, we live in an apartment above two floors full of RangeUncles, with a toddler, two dogs, a hamster, and a cat … there is no such thing as alone in this family."