August 20th 2021

Chapter 232
Our Rally Around Feelings

Somehow, they made it through the week. That was genuinely what it felt like. They had gotten through it, and while it wasn't as though they had no recollection of any kind of what was going on around them in all this time, what it really felt like was something as though… As though Tuesday through Friday had been a race, all of them so focused on the finish line that they were in the zone, less focused on what was happening behind or on either side of them. What mattered was what was ahead of them, and that was the weekend. Once they got there, they would get to breathe more, wouldn't they? At least a little?

They believed that for a couple of days at least, until they were informed that Lambert's funeral would take place on Saturday.

Barton and Michelle had been immersing themselves in the box of letters and cards from the students, and the teachers, all these people who'd extended sympathy toward their family following their loss. From what they told Maya, they had all been very touching in their own ways. They wanted to open up the possibility to anyone at the school who wished to attend the services to do so, and they asked her to get the word out, if it was at all possible. They didn't want it all to get out of control, and Maya promised them that she'd see to all of it, that they wouldn't have to worry over any of it.

It wouldn't be all of them, all those who'd written to the family, who would be present at the funeral, but by the end of the week Maya was able to predict that the vast majority of the sophomore class, and a portion of the seniors and of the juniors, would be in attendance. With the family's blessing, they had arranged to move the gathering from their house over to Sullivan Stables, the better to accommodate the number of guests they would otherwise have ended up seeing descend upon their house. They wouldn't have to pay for any of it, not the use of the space, or the catering.

When Saturday morning came upon them, Maya and Lucas both felt as though they were on auto pilot. They got up, got themselves and Marianne ready so they could go… They hadn't been sure about bringing her at first. Under Riley's guidance, they'd done their best and explained to her that Lambert had passed away, that she wouldn't see him again. They were as gentle as they were direct, wanting to ease her into the sad truth without misleading her. If they didn't do it right, then she wouldn't understand, and it would only get more complicated.

As far as they could see, Marianne did understand. It should have been a good thing that she did, but all it really meant was that their two-year-old was sad now. Lambert had always been so good with her, and she'd loved 'doing food' with him. Once she had been told, it was as though she finally saw through everyone else's faces, and she knew. They are sad. They are sad because of Lambert. I'm sad, too. No matter how her young mind was usually able to bounce back from whatever woes she encountered, this one was different, and whatever she did or didn't understand in life, she got that.

So, when it came to the funeral, the choice had come down to what both Maya and Lucas would feel when the day came. If they believed that Marianne wouldn't be able to handle being out there, they would leave her with Granny Lizzie. But if she was in a state of mind that allowed it, they would bring her.

"Mommy, look."

Maya was applying her makeup in the bathroom, with all the concentration of someone with an unsteady hand and the need not to look like a clown. When she looked in the doorway, there stood Marianne, in her new dress. It was white, with a pattern of calm blue flowers, one of a few funeral-appropriate dresses they'd bought on Thursday after school, for Marianne and the Levesque girls. Of all things – and it was a very sweet look on her – what drew Maya's eye the most was the object grasped in her daughter's hand. It was part of a set of toys, all of it having been a gift to her not a month ago, at Christmas, by the Day family. Specifically, she knew the whole thing had been Lambert's idea. They'd given her a set of (age appropriate) kitchen items. Presently, she held a lime green spoon which was constantly under threat of becoming a chew toy to one of the dogs.

"Is that coming with you?" Maya asked, crouching in front of her daughter. Marianne nodded, with all the decisiveness of her mother's blood. "Okay, then," she smiled, leaning carefully to kiss her cheek. "Hair time?" she asked, and Marianne nodded.

"Maybe I shouldn't bring her," Summer came up to the bathroom a few minutes later, at which point Maya had finished taming Marianne's hair into a couple of neat braids on either side of her head and the girl was standing there, spoon in hand. For her part, the sophomore girl was also ready, in her new black dress, with Tori and her gray dress with white polka dots held in her arms. "What if she starts crying during the service?"

"It's up to you, if you think we should leave her with Gran, then that's what we'll do," Maya nodded. "But if you want to bring her, then you bring her. And if she cries, well, she won't be the first or the last to do it. You just excuse yourself and take her outside as discreetly as you can."

Summer considered this, looking to her daughter. It had been such a long week, with the rollercoaster of emotions they were all navigating, and each day had felt like the first in at least one part. When the day was done, they were eager to get back home, back to their girls. If Summer felt the need to keep Tori with her as much as possible, well, who were they to stop her? So, she would bring her.

"Part of me thinks she shouldn't bring that thing," Lucas spoke quietly to Maya, after they all headed downstairs, when he spotted the spoon in Marianne's hand. "But then the other part just thinks that she should get to do what she wants if it helps, so…" he shrugged.

"Good choice," Maya nodded. "I'm pretty sure that if we tried to take it from her right now, she'd end up deciding to stay here."

X

It was late by the time they all returned home from Lambert's funeral. They'd made it through the whole thing and ended up going back to the Day house a while afterward before finally calling it a night. Both the little girls were in deep slumber, enough so that their respective mothers were able to change them into their PJs and settle them in for the night without the slightest stirring.

"Hey…" Lucas turned around, hearing Maya sigh. She'd just gone and sat at the foot of the bed, looking about as spent as she was bound to be after the week she'd just gone through.

"Is that my Huckleberry I'm hearing?" she hummed, leaning back with her hands on either side of her for support.

"Who else?" he played along, and she hummed again as he sat next to her, pulled her nearer. She was all for it.

"Good guy that one," Maya spoke in a distant voice. He leaned his head forward until he could kiss the top of her head.

"Tomorrow, we're not going anywhere, and we're not doing anything, alright?"

"Sounds like a plan," she replied. No resistance there. "Except… Well, my family and your family," she reminded him.

"Except for those, yes," he recalled. "Unless you want to…"

"No, no, I want to see them," Maya promised. "It'll be in the afternoon, so until then we can just…"

"Nothing and nowhere," Lucas reiterated.

As hard as the week had been, today, the funeral… The days before, they were all just sort of doing their best not to confront what had happened, weren't they? But today they couldn't do that anymore. Today was all about Lambert, laying him to rest, remembering him… All they seemed able to remember was the fact that he was gone and that he'd been so young… too young. And now that today was done, it seemed as though they were all being told that it was time to move on. A new week would be starting on Monday, even as the next day, Sunday, would mark one week since Lambert's death. Both Roman Day and Taylor Munroe, who had been out of school the whole of the previous week, were due to return to class… One way or another, they were supposed to keep going.

"So, I've been trying to find a way or a time to bring this up, the last couple of days. Finally came to the conclusion that there just wouldn't be a 'right' time, so…" Lucas shrugged. Maya looked at him with confusion. "It's only that this week…" he went on, pausing to see if she'd catch on.

She did. With a sigh, she let herself drop back to the mattress and stared at the ceiling. All this time, it had completely slipped her mind, or at least she had been vaguely aware, in the back of her mind, but with the whole…

In just a few days, it would be her birthday. And not just any birthday either. She would be thirty years old.

"Right…" she squeezed her eyes shut. She opened them again when she felt his hand at her waist. He was lying on his side now, looking down at her.

"It's your call," he promised. "We can push it back a week, or two, or more…"

"You already made plans, didn't you?" she pointed out. He had the face of someone who didn't want to divulge too much. "Lucas…"

"If I have to change something, or… all of it… I'll do it. It's…"

"My call, I know," Maya nodded. "Can I think about it tomorrow?"

"Of course, you can," he nodded back.

For a few moments, they lay there, silence weighing on them along with the memories of the day. They'd both been to funerals before, of course, but this one…

It stayed with them enough that neither of them could sleep. Even after they changed and got into bed, adopting their usual spoon positions, minutes dragged on, and sleep didn't follow. Maya turned herself around and faced Lucas, who took this in stride and held her closer. When Tori woke up across the hall and cried for her mother, they realized neither one of them had slept a wink. It was after two in the morning.

"Want to watch a movie?" Maya whispered. Lucas knew she was joking, but still…

"I'm this close to saying yes," he whispered back. "All else fails, we can sleep in."

"I think… maybe I'm afraid of what I'll dream about," Maya admitted after a few moments. Lucas looked at her. He'd sort of guessed that much. It had been an issue all through the week, even if she'd never confessed it aloud.

"Just try and think…" he started to tell her, but she cut in with a knowing smile.

"You're here with me, the rest isn't real, I know. What about you?" she held his gaze and he sighed. He hadn't exactly been spared the bad dreams either. His mostly seemed to take the form of the moment when he'd lost sight of Marianne in the mall that one time, only in his dreams he could never find her. But she was here, out in her little bed. And he had his wife in his arms.

"You're here with me, the rest isn't real."

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners