"Okay," Santana huffs as she turns to the blonde. "I know Artie's your friend and you've got history and all but fuck that guy. Seriously, what the hell was that?"
Brittany nods along sadly, "I figured you'd say that once you met him."
"God," Santana shakes her head still coming down from wanting to cause bodily harm to him. "He really is a tool. Like the balls on him, complimenting you in front of your girlfriend. What a dick!"
"Yeah," Brittany scratches at the back of her neck. "I told you he's changed a lot."
"You mean he used to be less of a dick at some point?"
"Surprisingly, yeah," Brittany replies. "He won Most Brilliant Brainiac last year and now he thinks he's God's gift."
Santana scoffs, "A gift that needs to be returned."
"Stop," Brittany scolds lightly. "He's still my friend."
"Well you sure know how to pick them."
Brittany frowns and Santana instantly regrets uttering the words. Sometimes her mouth runs faster than her head can filter and by then it's too late. Usually she wouldn't feel bad about speaking so honestly but there's something about the way Brittany pokes out her bottom lip like that that makes Santana falter.
"Sorry," Santana says guiltily.
Brittany looks to Santana and nods, "I know he's not the easiest person to get along with now, but he does have his moments."
"Does he? I mean, what is the appeal?" Santana questions genuinely. "Because the personality is not a winner. I don't even see him with a hot piece like me for arm candy."
Brittany chuckles, "Yeah. I'm surprised about that too. I thought he would've brought two dates just to show off."
Santana scrunches her nose in disgust, "It would take more than two dates to change my mind about him. Why does your team keep him around?"
"They love him. He's so knowledgeable about so many things. He's perfect for academic decathlons," Brittany shrugs. "But I'm not sure how long it'll last. He's a great mentor but he's gotten so critical of everyone, even me."
"Especially you," Santana corrects. She starts to feel heated all over again, "I can't believe the way he spoke to you. Who the fuck does he think he is? Like sure, I can find you a little hard to swallow sometimes and it's annoying how you're just naturally great at so many things but I'd never say the things he did."
"Honestly, I've heard worse things," Brittany reasons. It sounds as though she's trying to be lighthearted but the look on her face is anything but and that breaks Santana's heart a little. "Artie's criticism is nothing compared to what people used to say about me growing up."
Santana frowns, "That doesn't make it okay though. You know that, right?"
"It's fine. I've got tough skin."
"That's not the point," Santana sighs. "You shouldn't have to take that kind of crap from anyone."
"Sometimes you have to," Brittany replies. "Sometimes you just have to take it and do the hard work in silence. Let the success speak for itself. Getting caught up in what everyone thinks is exactly how I lost my way before, so I'm not going to do it again."
Santana shakes her head. She gets it – she really does – but it doesn't make it any less okay.
These little glimpses of Brittany's childhood really make Santana feel for her. She was fortunate enough to have parents and teachers who encouraged her studies – sometimes in an overbearing ways – but at least she had the support.
For Brittany, it seems like all odds were against her and for some twerp like Artie thinking he gets to be another one of those little voices making Brittany doubt herself really grinds Santana's gears. He's the worst kind of manipulative.
"It's fine, really," Brittany adds upon Santana's silence. "I can take it when it's coming from a friend."
"Friend?" Santana laughs dismissively, "We're not even friends and I'd never put you down like that."
Brittany looks at her curiously and it makes Santana feel suddenly self conscious. Maybe her honesty has gotten her trouble yet again?
"Really?" Brittany asks.
Santana doesn't hesitate, "Well yeah."
Brittany's shoulders ease a little and Santana takes that as a sign to continue.
"I was seriously this close to slapping him upside the head," She says. "I may be many things and people may have occasionally called me a bitch from time to time, but even I wouldn't stoop to the level he's on. I wouldn't put down my friend."
Brittany's brows rise, almost out of disbelief.
Santana wants to ask what that look is, but she's a little nervous about the answer so instead she averts her attention to the dancefloor. She keeps her eyes roaming the crowd, avoiding meeting Brittany's gaze.
"He's just a little blunt," Brittany attempts to reason again.
Santana shakes her head, "Whatever it is, you're better off without him."
Brittany sighs, "I just, I still care about him. I know I shouldn't, but I don't know. Have you ever felt that before? Wanting to hold out hope for someone to change?"
Santana's anger dissipates for a second. Those words resonate with her and drudge up an unwanted memory. Has she ever felt the way Brittany does? The blonde has no idea…
Upon her silence, Brittany continues.
"You probably think I'm crazy but," Brittany lets out a tired sigh. "Maybe I am. I just wish there was a way to bring back the real him – the one that took the time to show me around when I was new here. You know, the one who cared."
Santana softens, because she knows the feeling all too well and it sucks big time.
"Don't we all," She mumbles.
Brittany looks to her, brows raised. Santana finds herself meeting Brittany's gaze again and it's like with one look at her the truth is impossible to hold back.
"How long do we have to suffer before we realize they're not coming back though?" Santana asks. "What if that's who they are now? This uncaring, unloving, unfazed ghost of a person we can't even recognize anymore. That's all we get and we've just got to deal with it and…and move on."
Brittany looks at her curiously.
Santana averts her gaze to the crowd again, "Once again we have way too much in common for my liking."
"What do you mean?"
Santana sighs, "I mean, you should just cut your losses now before it's too late."
Brittany smirks but it doesn't quite reach her eyes, "Clearly you've never been in love before. It's a bit harder than that. Not that this is love, I don't know what this is."
"It's not love, that's for sure."
"Like you'd know," Brittany jokes lightly.
Santana has the urge to laugh.
She's almost forgotten that Brittany still doesn't know that much about her past, because if she did she'd would know that Santana, of all people, knows what it's like to be in love with someone you wish you weren't.
"Well, I know it's better to be told straight up about how you feel rather than to always wonder what went wrong or what could've been," Santana finds herself saying. "But sometimes we don't get that luxury. Maybe it's just better to let it go and move on."
"Or maybe he'll finally snap out of it and see what he's been missing now that I'm in this fake relationship with you."
Santana's surprised by Brittany's honesty. The blonde looks surprised that it escaped her, but the two just stand there staring – trying to grasp the gravity of what they've both revealed.
Brittany's using Santana to win over Artie; it's almost laughable and yet, Santana can do nothing but stare in disbelief. She gets it though; she's desirable, completely out of someone like Artie's reach. Dating her would be enough to rattle anyone with eyes so it makes sense.
She knew Brittany was cunning, but it still surprises her. At least Santana's reasoning for doing all of this has to do with her future, but Brittany? What's Artie have to do with hers?
Santana scrunches her nose as her head starts filling in the blanks to that question. She pictures Artie in her place beside Brittany; them holding hands as they make their way to class, them making dumb googly eyes at each other at the library, them being this unstoppable power couple because of their success in academic decathlons.
It's gross.
But who is she to pass judgement? She's doing all of this because she couldn't hold down a relationship to save her life, she's in no position to judge Brittany's.
And it's not like this is the first time she's been used like this before. Some of the girls she has been with only need her for a night, a way to get back at an ex or to make someone jealous. If anything, she's become kind of an expert when it comes to being the middle-woman.
What's the difference knowing Brittany's doing the same? She supposes there isn't one.
"Well, I guess I've found the real reason why you agreed to do this," Santana says to fill the silence. As the words leave her, there's an odd feeling in the pit of her stomach.
Brittany looks away and replies, "I guess so."
There's a long pause where the two of them look anywhere but at each other. Santana's gears are moving a mile a minute just trying to figure out the why of it all while Brittany's – Brittany's a mystery.
Santana glances back at her curiously, watching her profile and suddenly wanting to know more. How could someone be so blindly hopeful? Who knows if she'll ever get that answer, but until then she still has to fulfill her obligation to Brittany tonight.
"Well, if this is what you really want to do then," Santana pauses – trying to shake off the surprise and get back into the zone. Tonight's about Brittany and being her perfect fake girlfriend and what Brittany wants, Brittany gets. "Then we've got to do this the right way. Really show him what he's missing."
Brittany quirks a brow, "Seriously?"
"Yeah. Guys like him always want what they can't have," Santana says simply. "It'll be so easy."
"And what do you suggest?"
Santana smirks, "Just follow my lead."
\\
Santana's lead ends up involving lots of flirting. Her goal was to help Brittany make Artie jealous, but she secretly kind of likes the uncomfortable look he gets anytime he happens to glance their way. He's not so cocky and arrogant now!
It only gets worse when Brittany offers Santana a dance.
They find Mike and Tina again on the dancefloor and the couple waves to Santana and Brittany happily before getting lost in the music again. Santana and Brittany do the same, but it takes them a second before they find their synchronicity.
Afterall, this is their first time dancing together – things are bound to get a little awkward.
Thankfully, it's all upbeat stuff – songs that are easy to groove to and they find their rhythm a couple songs in. The couple keeps it tame for the most part, almost forgetting what all of this is for, until they notice Artie watching again from a distance.
Brittany notices him first and starts dipping her hands lower and lower down Santana's back, letting them settle low around her waist. It has Santana's heart rate spiking until she catches on and starts letting her hands roam too.
"Poor guy," Santana jokes when she catches sight of him. "He has no idea what he's started."
Brittany chuckles although she shakes her head, "It's almost mean."
"Fuck him," Santana shrugs before turning her back to Brittany. She reaches back with one hand settling at the base of Brittany's neck. "It's his loss. Isn't that the point of this?"
"You're right," Brittany nods. She leans into the crook of Santana's neck, "His loss."
Brittany then sets her hands on Santana's hips, strong and steady, and pulls her in close so that their hips fit snuggly. It surprisingly tugs at something deep and dormant within Santana and she finds herself leaning into it, rolling her head back to rest against Brittany's shoulder.
With the way Brittany's rocking into her along with the beat, Santana has to bite her cheek to keep from making a noise. Who knew someone who spends most of their day in a musty library could move like this? Santana's a little starstruck to say the least.
She can't remember the last time she danced with someone like this and she starts to feel the effects of the alcohol and a tiny bit of desperation because it's been such a long time. It's actually sad how tightly she's wound up. She's sure she'd probably snap from just a touch which is so not her style, but she knows she's not in the right kind of company to finally break.
She's on the job; Brittany's a job and there's no time for mixing pleasure with work.
But damn, does it feel good when Brittany's hands squeeze at her hips. Or when she rocks into her so smoothly along with the beat. Or how it sends shivers all over her when Brittany whispers into her ear – she's not even saying anything risky but God it doesn't matter.
And even if all of this is for show, Santana's so deprived of this kind of affection that she doesn't care – Brittany can use her all night if she wants.
Santana doesn't begin to notice where her thoughts are taking her until she spots Artie wheeling away.
"He's leaving," Santana notes as she turns in Brittany's embrace.
Brittany's hands go to rest against the small of Santana's back, "Do you think he gets the idea?"
Santana smirks and looks up at Brittany, "I think everyone gets the idea."
A blush starts to bloom as blue eyes dart bashfully away, "Sorry. Was that too much? I was just following your lead like you said."
"It's fine. It's the most action I've had in awhile," Santana jokes.
Brittany gives her a unimpressed look but Santana's smile only grows because of it.
The music shifts to something slow, old school Elvis. Santana recognizes the instrumental instantly; Maribel and Eddie's first dance song. Honestly, it's most couple's first dance song – apparently you can't get any more creative than Can't Help Falling in Love.
She attempts to find her exit, but they're surrounded by couples now. It would cause way too big of a scene to try and escape, so she goes with her only option. She lets Brittany take the lead and they start to sway.
Santana's fingers thread at the back of Brittany's neck while the blonde's hands fall to Santana's hips. They do the slow side-to-side move, but the sudden closeness has Santana feeling oddly shy. It's bringing back memories of school functions and dancing awkwardly with dates she never wanted.
"You really miss it that much?" Brittany asks softly while they sway. "All the hook-ups?"
Santana sputters a laugh, unsure of how to respond, but one look at Brittany has her realizing that the blonde is genuinely asking. Her smile falters and she goes back to looking everywhere but inquisitive blue eyes.
"You gonna shame me for it again?" Santana asks jokingly.
She hates how quickly things between them can feel way too personal for her liking. Even more so, she hates how easy it's starting to be to want to open up more around the girl.
"No, I was just curious," Brittany shrugs. "This probably isn't what you're used to doing at a place like this."
"I'm not usually at places like this."
"You know what I mean," Brittany replies. "Parties or clubs or whatever. You wouldn't be slow dancing with a potential lay. You don't seem like that kind of girl."
Santana scoffs playfully, "Well once again, you don't know me at all. Slow dancing is my jam, it really gets the girls hot and bothered."
Brittany quirks her brow, "Seriously?"
"Of course not," Santana chuckles. "I'm usually out of there by the time the slow songs come on. They're not my style."
"Knew it."
"But it's not horrible," Santana dismisses as they continue to sway. "I wouldn't say slow dancing with you is at the top of my list of the worst things I've ever had to do."
Brittany looks surprised, "Oh really?"
"It's in the Top 5 for sure," Santana jokes. "But it's not number one."
"You're too kind," Brittany jokes.
"I try. But hey – you've surprisingly got rhythm, Pierce!" Santana compliments. "Wouldn't have pegged you for a dancer."
Brittany laughs, "There's a lot of things you don't know about me."
Santana chuckles, "First the little thing you've got for Wheels and now this? I don't think I can handle anymore surprises for the rest of night."
Brittany rolls her eyes, "But you're having fun?"
Santana shrugs, trying to be dismissive but her smile gives her true feelings away. She's at a fancy place with great music and free alcohol looking fly as hell and one of her missions for the night is to piss off a chauvinistic douchebag – fun is an understatement.
"It's not the kind of ragers I'm used to," Santana teases. "But yeah – I'm having fun. Dancing with you is fun."
Brittany's face fills with a grin, "Yeah. I think dancing with you is fun too. It's a bonus that Artie gets a little peeved as well."
"That's probably my favorite part," Santana agrees and they continue dancing for a little while longer.
\\
Santana finds that messing with Artie is child's play, but it's oh so satisfying.
Santana and Brittany take turns pretending to whisper sweet nothings into each other's ear once they get to their assigned table. They find it easy to giggle along with one another when their sweet nothings are really just lame pick up lines that would never work in real life. But they say it in these ramped up seductive voices and that makes it all the more hilarious.
Meanwhile, Artie sits across from them with a sourpuss look on his face.
Maybe they've gotten away from the point of all this – that being to make Artie jealous – or maybe it really is working? Whatever it is, Santana can't find it in her to reel them back in, not when it's this much fun.
\\
Dinner is served not too long after and Santana's amazed once again by the spread. There's giant cuts of filet mignon atop a colorful array of fresh Spring veggies. There's oysters and huge lobster tails and extravagant towers of shrimp! The organizers clearly spared no expense with the menu and Santana excitedly awaits her dinner as the waitstaff start to come around to top up everyone's wine glasses.
Santana watches as dishes are set down in front of everyone, all alternating between seafood and steak and the occasional vegetarian option. Everything looks so damn good and she glances next to her, wondering what Brittany will get.
"I ordered the shrimp," Brittany tells her just as the plate is set down. "I got you the steak. I hope that's okay? I wasn't too sure."
"Classy," Santana nods as her plate is set down too. The garnishes make it look like artwork and she's almost too afraid to touch it. "God, this looks so good. You didn't mention there was free food too. This place is heaven."
Brittany chuckles as she reaches for her cutlery.
While everyone eats, there's quiet chatter amongst the table.
Santana's so glad that Mike and Tina are around, at least that's one couple that she doesn't mind. Most people are pretty pretentious – all I'm so much smarter than you because I know random shit about random shit – and it makes Santana want to roll her eyes so hard but she doesn't for Brittany's sake.
Unlike Santana, Brittany gets along well with everyone and somehow sees past the horrible personalities. That's not too surprising considering how she feels about Artie though.
Then again, maybe Brittany was right about there being a nice guy underneath all that ego because when Artie does finally get to talking to her again – he's not a dick. They talk excitedly about comics or something and Santana notes the way they both light up.
For once, there's a glimpse of him being a decent human being and maybe – just maybe – Santana sees what Brittany does.
But he's not off the hook just yet, not after the way he started off the night. She doesn't want to rock the boat though, so she quietly eats her dinner and plays the role of perfect fake girlfriend just like she said she would. This night isn't about her, it's about Brittany and she's going to do her best to keep it that way.
\\
A while later, dessert begins to be brought out as a few speeches are given up on stage. The announcer talks about the many prestigious teams in the room and how talented everyone is judging by their high percentages. Most of it goes over Santana's head, not really interested in how academic decathlon clubs work but what does spark some interest though is when the awards start getting presented.
There's a kind of anticipation that settles over the room and Santana looks around noting just how many clubs are in attendance. She had no idea academic decathlons were a thing until this year, but to see everyone so on edge as they await the reveal of this year's winner really puts things into perspective for her.
When Santana glances to her side, she finds that Brittany's got her eyes squeezed tight and her fingers are crossed on both hands. As she looks around the room, she sees club members look similarly – hoping and praying.
The Brainiacs happen to come in Second Place in the overall thing, but Brittany stands and claps along with everyone else despite things not going her team's way. Santana watches her and smiles because this girl really is just so pure. Here she is clapping and pumping her fist in the air as the first place team take to the stage. Nothing about it is forced because she's genuinely happy for them and that amazes Santana.
She didn't think people like Brittany actually existed and yet there she stands.
\\
The lead up for presenting the award for Most Brilliant Brainiac is much more anticipated.
Santana looks around the room as it seems like everyone's on the edge of their seat. It's almost comical, because it's basically an award for the biggest nerd in the room and these people actually want it.
Still, Santana listens quietly.
She notices Artie fixing his dumb bowtie and checking his teeth in the reflection of his silver spoon as if he already knows what's coming. She so hopes he doesn't win just because of that. She doesn't care who it goes to, she doesn't care if it's an even bigger tool than him – if that's even possible – all she cares about is watching the guy get the biggest reality check known to man.
Suddenly, she's on the edge of her seat just like everyone else.
"This year the award goes to," The announcer pauses for dramatic effect.
Santana's still waiting for the name to be called out, but the spotlight shining directly beside her is answer enough.
"No way!" Brittany beams. She doesn't know what to do with herself, she just looks from side to side making sure that the spotlight is on the right person. "Me? It's me?"
"Come on up, Miss Pierce!" The announcer gestures proudly.
Their entire table turns to applaud. Santana notices Mike with the biggest grin on his face as he claps while Tina's snapping picture after picture for her article.
Brittany's in awe as she makes her way onto the stage, the crowd roaring with applause as she goes. When she gets to the podium, the man hands her a gold trophy shaped like a brain and then presents her to the room.
"Here she is, folks! This year's Most Brilliant Brainiac! Give it up for Miss Brittany S. Pierce!"
Before she realizes it, Santana's on her feet in a second and claps so hard her hands start to sting.
"That's my girl!" She shouts and pumps her fist in the air.
Brittany must hear her from the stage because she ducks her head bashfully at the shout out, her cheeks going a little pink as she soaks in the applause.
Santana glances over at Artie who barely claps. She rolls her eyes at him, because he yet again shows his true colors. How he flies under the radar is a mystery to her, but Brittany's not around to hold her back this time.
So she points a threatening finger at him and rubs a little salt in his ego.
"Take that, Professor X! You suck so bad!"
Artie looks a little scandalized, but he keeps his mouth shut as Brittany absorbs the limelight. She looks at her trophy like she can't believe its hers and Santana swears she sees those pretty blue eyes start to well with tears. This time they're happy tears though and Santana's so relieved for that!
A moment later, Brittany's making her way back to their table with her new trophy in hand.
"Look! It's so heavy," Brittany giggles as she shows off the award to Santana.
Santana smiles fondly. Only Brittany could be this proud about being the dorkiest dork in the room. She doesn't know what it is about the way she looks, the way her eyes light up to match the brilliance of her smile, the way they seem to be even bluer than usual.
All she knows is that she can't help but pull Brittany in for a deep kiss.
She can feel the way Brittany stiffens in her arms at first before relaxing – the kiss takes her by surprise too, she can only imagine what Brittany's thinking.
Alarm bells ring but then she feels a cool hand touch her cheek and suddenly everything stops because she's being kissed back.
Brittany's kissing her back.
It's soft and gentle and when Santana pulls away, she's swears she sees stars.
All Santana's thinking about is the way Artie spoke to Brittany earlier, how he scolded her like a child. She thinks about Brittany's parents and how they never truly supported her until recently. She thinks about the stories Brittany's told about her experiences in high school and her time at MIT. She thinks about how after all of that, Brittany's still maintained her kindness.
Brittany's better than her, she's so much better than everyone here, and she doesn't even know it.
And maybe Santana's just really proud of her – that's why she kissed her? Maybe she's just really into her whole fake girlfriend role right now? Maybe she's just super committed and she's finally matched Brittany's level of going above and beyond?
That's got to be the explanation for it, because no way she'll admit to it being anything else.
"I'm so proud of you," Santana quickly says. "Way to stick it to those guys."
Brittany blushes, "I really didn't expect anyone to vote for me. I hope they're not mad."
"Fuck them if they are!" Santana retorts. "You worked so hard for this. If they can't be supportive of you then they don't deserve you as a teammate."
Brittany relaxes upon hearing Santana's words, "You mean that?"
Santana smiles and nods like it's simple, "Well yeah. You're a genius, Britt."
Brittany grins again and looks down at her trophy bashfully, "I'm also Brilliant."
"Yeah, that too," Santana chuckles.
They go to take their seats when they realize everyone's kind of staring at them still. Santana doesn't care all that much, Brittany deserves the recognition. She finds a kind of joy in making sure she knows it too.
"Seriously though, congrats," Santana tells her. "You really earned it."
Brittany ducks her head before leaning closer and whispers low enough so only Santana can hear. The move makes Santana's heart suddenly race as she's reminded of their time on the dancefloor earlier.
"Is that you talking or my fake girlfriend?" Brittany asks.
Santana bites her lip as she ponders that. For the first time, it's kind of hard to tell. This arrangement is like being on-call; you never know when they have to slip into character so now it's second nature and maybe it's finally starting to blur the lines which Santana didn't think would ever be possible.
But just to be safe she says, "I'm a pretty good actress. Aren't I?"
Brittany only smirks as they both start to giggle and admire her new trophy while Artie stews in his jealousy.
\\
They spend the rest of the Ball taking pictures with Brittany's trophy for the school magazine and hitting the dancefloor once again.
Obviously, the dancing is the best part and by now everyone's got a good buzz going with the amount of booze in the place. It's surprisingly a good time – one of the best Santana's had in months and it's even more surprising that it's in Brittany's company.
If you would've told her at the start of the semester that this is where she'd be right now, she wouldn't have believed you at all. Never in a million years would she be caught dead in a place like this, but it's funny how things change – how relationships evolve.
Just tonight, she walked into this Ball wondering if she even stood a chance up against Brittany's wrath. She really messed up, she knows that, but all of this is new territory for her. She's not used to looking out for anyone else other than her family and Puck, but she's starting to get it now.
If Brittany was anyone else, Santana probably wouldn't have cared about her hurt feelings the other night. She would've let the girl go without a second thought because who has time to put up with the drama, but this relationship has her doing a lot of things she normally wouldn't.
It's reintroducing her to things that have been long forgotten and Santana doesn't really know how to feel about that. It's drudging up the old Santana; the vulnerable, the gullible, the sensitive one who has no place here now.
It's a lot more than she signed up for, but she supposes it's only natural to have those feelings start to resurface again when they're both so committed to playing their roles perfectly. If anything, it's a reminder that once upon a time Santana really was perfect girlfriend material.
And tonight, she gets to live out that little memory.
Maybe if her heartbreak didn't harden her, maybe this is what she'd be like? Maybe she'd actually date a girl like Brittany? Maybe she'd stop selling herself short just like Puck said? Maybe she'd stick around long enough for something real to happen?
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.
It always takes Santana by surprise that when she gets to thinking like this, it's always in the presence of Brittany. This girl; Santana knew being with her would be a challenge but not like this. She can't hold it against her though, after all this is her idea and really it could be so much worse than what it is.
They don't really owe each other anything, they're just pawns in their elaborate games – but here they are dancing the night away without a care in the world and for once things feel fine.
It's a nice break from all that heaviness from earlier.
And for a moment, Santana doesn't think it's all too bad. The whole possibility of being friends with Brittany thing; when it's like this, it really isn't the worst thing ever.
She might actually kind of like it.
Other than Puck, Santana doesn't really have that many people she's close with. She doesn't have many people she'd consider friends. For the past two years, maybe even longer, she's kept people at an arm's length.
After everything, she's just not into getting close to anyone anymore. Letting people into her shit sounds like a lot of work and kind of terrifying.
What if they don't like what they find? What if she's too much? What if they decide to leave too? What if it changes her again?
It's too big of a risk. It's best that she does the leaving instead. It's the only way she can keep some type of control on things, because no way she'll let anyone go for a joyride with her feelings again.
She likes to keep her circle small, but being around Brittany starts to make her wonder. What's the harm in trying?
A thought like that makes her laugh though; that hopefulness is a direct result of hanging around Brittany way too much.
"It's so hot in here! Why's it so hot?" Brittany sighs and wipes at her brow with the back of her hand. Her cheeks are flushed and sweat glistens in the hollow of her neck deliciously.
Santana averts her eyes when she realizes she's staring.
"You're dancing up a storm, that's why!" Santana teases.
"Because it's so much fun!" Brittany does a twirl then starts to sway when she stops. "The dizziness…not so much."
"Maybe don't spin around like that?" Santana suggests playfully. "You want to go outside? Get some air?"
"Yeah, let's do that," Brittany nods but just before she follows after Santana she runs back to the table. "Mike! Mike, watch my trophy!"
Mike drunkenly nods and gives her a thumbs up.
"Thanks! Okay, let's go," Brittany tells Santana and leads the way out.
They end up going to the grand steps Santana walked up earlier in the night and take a seat by one of the columns. The air is crisp and refreshing compared to the stuffiness inside and it's such a relief. They rest their heads back and soak it in.
"You see Artie's face when I won?" Brittany giggles.
Santana smirks, "Oh yeah. That prick; I was hoping he'd lose. Makes it even better that it was to you."
"I know I shouldn't think it but," Brittany pauses to take in a deep breath before letting it out in a sigh. "I'm glad he lost too. Maybe it'll bring him down a notch."
Santana chuckles, "Hopefully it'll bring him down a few notches. That guy is a piece of work. I still can't believe you're into him."
Brittany ducks her head and sighs again as they fall into a comfortable silence.
Even if Brittany doesn't show it, Santana can feel something's gone unsaid.
They haven't talked about the kiss from earlier, but maybe there's nothing that they need to talk about? They're out in public, it goes without saying that they have to do what normal couples would – like kiss when your girlfriend wins an award.
Why would they need to talk about it? It's not like it was the first time they've ever done that. Then again, when Santana gets to thinking – the last time was New Year's Eve.
Maybe Santana's just overthinking it all? This is why she doesn't do relationships or feelings – real or not! They're confusing and annoying and she doesn't want it.
God, she wishes she was on Brittany's level of tipsy. That would make things so much easier!
"You know when we were talking before, you said that we've got too much in common," Brittany mentions awhile later. She keeps her eyes turned up to the sky as she asks, "What'd you mean by that?"
The question takes Santana by surprise as she tries to remember their conversation from earlier. When she does, she wishes that she didn't. It's not a subject she loves talking about, nor does she love revisiting its memories, but for some odd reason she can feel her safeguard wavering.
"I guess I was in your place once with Artie," Santana replies. "Sort of."
"You were into him too?"
Santana chuckles at the joke, "No way. I mean, I fell for someone I shouldn't have."
"What happened?"
Santana pauses, wondering if she wants to go down this road. The only other person she's ever talked about all this to is Puck and that's only because he was partly involved. She's done her best to bury every feeling, every memory, but there's something about Brittany that has Santana opening up just a little more.
"There was a girl a long time ago," Santana finds herself saying before glancing Brittany's way. "The one from the picture in my room back in Lima."
Brittany nods and quietly encourages her to continue.
"She was my best friend growing up," Santana says. "The only one who ever understood me. We were close, closer than friends should be. Eventually, I wanted to be more – make things official."
"You?" Brittany asks in disbelief.
"I know, shocking," Santana jokes through a sad smile. "She said she wanted it too, but she was afraid. She wanted to keep things hidden, keep us hidden, and I…I loved her so I followed along."
Santana feels her chest tighten with that long-forgotten pain, but then Brittany's hand finds hers. She squeezes softly at her hand and suddenly the feeling isn't so bad.
"She kept saying one day it'll be different," Santana goes on. "One day we won't have to hide, one day we'd just run off together, but until then we had to pretend. It sounded like a good plan and I felt so strongly about her, so I waited. I watched her get into relationships with guy after guy just to keep people off of our scent, off of her scent."
"The older we got, the further in the closest she went. It was like she forget that it was all a cover and the life she was living was a lie."
Brittany nods sympathetically.
"I ended up coming out midway through our Junior year," Santana says. "I thought that maybe if I went first then she'd see that it was okay, but it kind of had the opposite effect. Something happened, maybe her parents divorce or something else? I don't know, but she changed and not in a good way. I was out and proud but it was hard when the girl I loved wasn't. It kind of felt pointless but I kept waiting for her."
"By Senior year, I started to lose hope. I guess she did too because it stopped being about us running off together. Instead it was only her doing the running," Santana continues. "While everyone was making their big plans for college, she was a mystery."
She starts to feel that annoying lump in her throat forming and swallows it back.
"All I knew was that she was getting out of Lima by any means necessary," She says with a deep sigh. "She was so closed off though, spiraling even. I had no idea what her plans were anymore. No one did. I just didn't think that it involved stealing my shot at a scholarship."
"Wait, what?" Brittany frowns. "What scholarship?"
"My school had this partnership with Harvard," Santana answers half-heartedly. "An alumni or whatever is a big wig there and has this scholarship aimed at students with extraordinary promise in law. It's such a waste, really. No one usually goes for it because no one ever dreams of getting out of there nor would they dare go to law school, but getting out of Lima was always our dream. With her family background, she could get in easy but me? It was a little harder. That scholarship was my only shot and she took it."
"How'd she do that?"
Santana shrugs, "It's always been a mystery. Out of the entire school, we were the only ones who even cared enough to look into it. We agreed before that with my GPA and personal goals that I'd have the better chance of getting it, but that was before things changed. It's no coincidence that she got in and not me. I ticked every box when it came to the type of candidate they were looking for."
"You couldn't tell the organizers about it?" Brittany asks. "Have them kick her out or something?"
Santana sighs, "I couldn't do that to her."
"Why not? Santana, that's seriously unfair. This is your education, something you're so passionate about."
"I know," Santana answers dejectedly. "Believe me, I know. But, I was young and in love and stupid. I still had hope for some reason, hope that she'd snap out of it? I knew she took her parents divorce really hard and things had changed for her in terms of getting into Harvard with their help. Maybe she needed the scholarship more than me?"
"Even so, that's not the way to go about it. That's not fair to you."
"True," Santana nods. "But a part of me figured that maybe once she got in and got settled, she'd be okay? Maybe we'd be okay again. Maybe getting out of Lima was something she needed way more than I did? I guess I was wrong though."
Brittany looks to Santana apologetically but Santana hates that look. She hates being seen as anything but confident and sure and unwavering.
"See? Told you I'm not selfish," Santana tries to joke to ease the tension.
It doesn't really change the way Brittany watches her though.
"Yeah, I guess you were right."
"Surprise," Santana lets out a weak chuckle as she averts her gaze. "It sure did backfire though. Huh?"
"Have you heard from her since?" Brittany asks. "Did she ever apologize?"
"Hell no," Santana tries to laugh off the pain. "She didn't even stick around for our graduation ceremony. She just packed up and left. No goodbye or anything."
"Wow," Brittany shakes her head. "How could someone who's supposed to care about you hurt you like that?"
Santana finds herself smirking as she looks to Brittany. She has no idea she's in the same sort of situation with Artie. It's always easier making sense of things when it isn't your problem though she supposes.
"Anyway, it's whatever," Santana waves off. "It's been two years and I still wonder why the hell I gave up a Harvard education for a girl. Love makes you do dumb shit, it's the worst."
Brittany goes to squeeze Santana's hand again, "I'm so sorry, Santana."
Santana keeps on her brave face, "It's fine."
"It isn't."
Santana knows, but she just shrugs. What's the point of feeling sorry for herself now?
"I guess what I was meaning earlier is that," Santana continues. "Maybe this thing between you and Artie; it's better for you in the long run if you spare yourself the heartache and accept that people change. Sometimes it's for the worst and you can't do a thing about it. It is what it is, you know? You can wait but it's only wasting your time in the end – take it from me."
Brittany nods and they both rest back against the column again, sitting in each other's company in silence. It's like Brittany's taking in all that Santana has said while Santana attempts to pack up all those little memories she's just drudged up and stuff them away.
"People change for the better too though," Brittany mentions quietly. "Sometimes all that patience and time you put into waiting ends up being worth it."
"Maybe," Santana nods. "I just don't know how to be that optimistic anymore. I'm too tired."
"I get that," Brittany replies and leans her head against Santana's.
Santana finds herself leaning against Brittany too, relaxing against each other in a peaceful balance. Another comfortable silence settles over them and Santana's thankful for it. After opening up to Brittany, she doesn't think she can handle anymore of these heart to hearts.
Another reason she keeps to herself, talking about feelings is exhausting.
"You know…I didn't say it before because I was still kind of mad at you," Brittany mentions softly. "But I'm glad you changed your mind about tonight. I'm glad you're here."
Santana smirks, feeling a giddiness flutter in her chest that chases off the remaining heaviness there. "Yeah well, picturing you suffer here all alone with these losers wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be. Thought I'd come see it for myself."
Brittany snickers and pokes lightly at Santana's side.
"Sounds like you might be taking a liking to me," Brittany teases.
Santana scoffs playfully, "God no."
"I mean, if you really wanted me to suffer you could've worn something that would make you look a little less…"
Santana glances over to find Brittany stumbling on the right word. The hesitance makes her smirk.
"Hot? You were going to say hot."
Brittany rolls her eyes, "I wasn't."
"Sure," Santana teases. "You can admit it, Britt-Britt. You think I look fine as hell."
Brittany shakes her head although she begins to blush. "You always this full of yourself?"
"You should know the answer to that by now," Santana quips as she rises to stand. She strikes a sexy pose while Brittany continues to sit before her. "Come on. Would you really rather I turn up here looking a hot mess? I wouldn't be doing a very good job of being arm candy."
Brittany's eyes rake up Santana's body, taking in all her perfection. Just like the powers of her cheerleading skirt, Santana's dress works wonders all the same.
"I guess not," Brittany admits.
Santana grins, "That's what I thought."
"But you're not just arm candy to me," Brittany teases sweetly.
Santana instantly rolls her eyes and holds out her hand to Brittany, "Let's get back in there. I think it's time for another drink. I can still taste your Chapstick from earlier."
Brittany giggles as Santana pulls her up, "You say that like it's a bad thing."
A/N - Lots to process, hey? I've been seeing in the reviews lately all your guesses of who will develop feelings first (& the few that are convinced they've figured it out already lol). It's always interesting to see what y'all are thinking!
Anyways, thanks for "tuning in" each Friday & thanks to those who have gifted me a coffee through ko-fi too. While I'm still in Lockdown 6.0, it's really the little things that make a big difference. Until next time!