Chapter 36: Pleasure In Exchange For Pain
{A/N: Here's Another Update...by request of course}
My Thanks To All My Readers And Reviewers...Enjoy-S.S.
{"Bring your love, baby, I could bring my shame...Bring the drugs, baby, I could bring my pain...I got my heart right here...I got my scars right here...Bring the cups, baby, I could bring the drank...Bring your body, baby, I could bring you fame...And that's my motherfucking words too...Just let me motherfucking love you...Listen, ma, I'll give you all I got...Get me off of this, I need confidence in myself...Yeah, yeah, yeah, ohh, yeah, ohh...Listen, ma, I'll give you all of me...Give me all of it, I need all of it to myself...Whoa-whoa, whoa...So tell me you love me...(Only for tonight, only for the night)...Even though you don't love me...(Oh-whoa, oh-whoa)...Just tell me you love me...(I'll give you what I need) Ohh-yeah...(I'll give you all of me)...Even though you don't love me...."} Wicked Games, The Weeknd
Hermione Granger's Residence, Unknown Location, Muggle World...
Closing the door to her bedroom behind her, Hermione Granger found herself unable to process her warring emotions as she attempted to get past the fact that Severus Snape had some how made his way back into her life. Ellie had been bathed and put to bed leaving her mother to bask in the silence and vivid memories of the man that helped bring her into this world. For the past four years, Hermione had attempted to move on from the initial encounter with Severus Snape following the final battle of the second wizarding war. No one had known just how hurt she had been to awaken at Hogshead Inn to find herself alone and no trace of the man she'd given her heart to. She thought all the years and the distance would mean that she'd feel next to nothing about the man as a result but it only seemed to intensify the older Ellie had gotten. Those same obsidian eyes and raven hair she had inherited from her absent father was a constant reminder. Hermione did her best to hold back the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks. She had been much too angry to give the inconsiderate git the satisfaction of seeing her so heartbroken. He had walked out on her after all and she had not been the one to lose out on anything least of all being in their daughter's life.
Still, she didn't expect to see him, least of all to see what had become of him after all this time. The processing of her emotions after such an event proved to be quite difficult despite her anger and pride warring with her to remain indifferent to him. He had almost died and then he'd become so bloody agreeable it was nauseating. There was definitely something different about him, that much had been clear via his willingness to adhere to her demands with little to no fuss. While she couldn't tell if it was due to him nearly being frozen to death, no doubt after one of his escapades via a bottle of firewhiskey or something else, Severus Snape had changed significantly since the last time she'd seen him.
The most surprising thing was the interactions he had with Ellie, as if they'd known of each other this whole time. There was not a flicker of doubt nor awkward approach between them. He had taken to her as if they'd always known about each other. An odd turn of events given that they had no way of meeting before hand. Hermione supposed it was more to do with the bond between a father and a daughter that explained their relative closeness than anything. Ellie had been every bit as intellectual and devious as her Head Of Slytherin House father, much to the disappointment of Harry whom had hoped she'd end up in Gryffindor if she ever went to Hogwarts.
Her parents were very supportive given she'd returned their memories and explained in great detail why she removed them in the first place. Her father was more or less disappointed in the fact that she kept so much from them before hand about her life in the strange wizarding world. They welcomed their new granddaughter and their daughter back into their lives as if the whole event of not having a child never occurred. She never once told them whom the father had been, only that he'd been something of a hero by wizarding standards and ill after the last battle. If they suspected whom she'd been referring to they never let on as much.
The memory of the final night she had any contact with Severus S. Snape had been quite a vivid and painful one despite it not beginning as such.
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Hogshead Inn, Hogsmead Village, Wizarding World...(1999)
The acquittal had come in the knick of time as they were all for making an example out of Severus Snape due to his former status as undesirable number 2 following that of the despot Voldemort himself. Hermione followed the rather embittered Severus Snape back to Hogsmead and into Hogshead Inn. He'd been released from Azkaban and in dire straights as it were. Upon entering the smoke filled room and finding the drunken wizard nearly about to get into a brawl with three other wizards whom had a great deal to say about his murdering of Albus Dumbledore and taking over Hogwarts after the fact. The stories of his reign of terror from their children still left them with a score to settle despite the trial coming to an end. Thinking quickly, Hermione defused the situation before things got out of hand. Snape as per the usual remained indifferent to her annoyed that she had once again saw her way to meddling in his life.
"Don't you have anything better to do?" he asked the bitterness still in his tone despite the rapidly bruising shiner he sported in the wake of the confrontation with the three wizards.
"Sir...I've come to check on you." she said. "I know adjusting to life after the war couldn't have been easy..."
"Spare me your false sense of concern." he growled. "I can very well take care of myself I have had thirty nine years of practice after all."
"With all due respect Professor, I...I don't think you are in any condition to take care of yourself at this point." replied Hermione, the genuine concern filled across her face a sickening reflection of compassion he didn't want.
"I am not your Professor any longer Miss Granger." he growled in annoyance. "Now I suggest you find some other lost cause to take up, I am in no mood for your assistance."
Snape turned his back on her, stumbling as he made his way to his paid room up the stairs.
Hermione had not known how long she stood there, shocked at his behavior and unable to stay away fearing the worst if she walked out. In her mind, he had risked his life to save them all despite Harry Potter delivering the killing blow, the only reason anyone was able to even do battle against the despot was due to Severus Snape's efforts in the shadows. Seeing him fall into a pit of despair after achieving the impossible in a bid to save the Wizarding and Muggle worlds seemed so much like a waste. Severus Snape had saved them all and there was no one to even attempt to save Severus Snape from himself.
Coming to the conclusion that she refused to let him destroy himself, she followed him upstairs.
Snape by that time had been stripped down to only his trousers and feeling the effects of firewhiskey in full swing. He opened the door, his obsidian eyes blazing with something akin to rage tempered with barely concealed lust. It was strange that he seemed to have been expecting her as she entered his room, the semi darkness off set via the faint glow of a single lamp as he made his way toward a distant window.
"Still here Miss Granger?" he had said before allowing her inside.
"P-Professor..." she began only to invoke his rage.
"I've told you before that I am no longer your Professor." he growled. "You will address me by my given name if necessary as I despise that title."
Hermione considered his request although she was quite shocked by it.
"Very well...Severus." she said. "I request that you use my given name as well."
Snape smirked, a wicked looking smirk if Hermione would say so before he turned his attention back to the window. She wondered if he could feel her eyes moving over him...making note of the scars and bruises left over from a lifetime of being at war with everyone around him.
"Why are you here, Hermione?" he asked startling her from her thoughts as he turned from the window and began to approach her.
His movement was a kin to a large cat stalking it's prey before a lethal pounce.
"I..."began Hermione not knowing what to say to the half naked man before her as his approach grew closer. "S-Severus...you.."
Snape smirked finding amusement in her rather innocent thoughts while his had been anything but.
"You think me a hero of sorts." he said his eyes alight with lust and rage. "Thankless even...perhaps you have come to remedy that?"
Hermione froze.
She had not thought beyond this point and with him invading her mind as easily as he had...she knew there was nothing he wouldn't see in terms of her childish fantasies of him through out the years.
Snape's amusement had not faded it seemed as he stood before her.
"Severus..." she began.
"Yes...I believe what you offer is a substantial enough reward for saving your life." he said before suddenly pulling her toward him and capturing her quivering lips into a series of heated kisses.
Hermione barely had time to gasp before she found herself reacting returning his kisses with equal passion.
"Hermione..." she heard him say as his eyes held her gaze when they bothered to take in air.
Before she knew it, she'd been lying with her back pressed against the mattress with Severus Snape towering above her. She felt his kiss reach her neck and the feeling of butterflies entered her stomach along with something she couldn't quite recognize. His motives were clearly selfish as his cold treatment had done little to deter her from giving in to both of their mutual desires despite her lack of experience.
He smelled of herbs and fresh earth mixed with firewhiskey and sweat as she found herself devoid of clothing as much as he had been while they were pressed between the wrinkled white sheets that lined his temporary bed.
With her mind swirling in the wake of the new emotional escalation, Hermione had barely noticed when the dour wizard positioned himself between her thighs and saw his way to claiming her maidenhood in one thrust. The pain had been indescribable as she clung to him, clawing her fingernails into the pale flesh of his back. Due to his bitterness and drunken state, Snape had been more than desperate fro release at the cost of easing the young witch into an act she had no experience in withstanding.
"F-F-Fuck..." hissed Snape being caught off guard via the encounter.
He refused to look at her, choosing instead to focus his attention else where as his thrusts increased and his grip on the mattress continued to wrinkle the sheet below them.
While the encounter began on a painful note, Hermione found her own lust had eased the agony some as they continued. She barely registered the beating of the head board against the old wall and the sound of the springs of the bed getting their fair share of a workout in the wake of Snape's frequent thrusts.
She felt all of his pain and rage all at once and tears streamed down her cheeks. He had not ended his invasion into her mind and inadvertently began projecting some wayward thoughts. As a result, she had seen how lonely he'd been. The longing to be like everyone else he kept hidden and the sheer bitterness of never being able to come close to what one would call happiness.
"Severus..." moaned Hermione still gripping him tighter.
Knowing he wouldn't last long, his pace increased becoming frantic as a result. Part of him had not wanted this encounter to end but he was much to drunk and in need of release to prolong it any further. Hermione gasped when she felt him give in and drag her along for the ride. Finding himself spent and glistening via sweat, Snape rolled onto one side of the bed gasping for breath as frequently as she had.
"I...I love you Severus." she said before sleep overtook her.
Snape himself had been stunned by her admission. He had not said a word but she could hear his thoughts, he'd been confused as to why she felt this way. He'd been nothing if not cruel and intolerant of her thus far and she still held affection for him.
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Hermione Granger's Residence, Unknown Location, Muggle World...
Currently Hermione Granger pulled herself out of her memories to finish packing for her trip. A part of her had been ashamed of her childish antics when it came to her affections for Severus Snape in the past and resented every aspect of it. He had broken her heart and she had given him the opportunity to do it. While coming off the wave of bitterness from her memories, Hermione heard a knock at her bedroom door. She sighed dropping the few shirts she'd been folding into her knapsack and made her way over toward the door. She had been quite surprised to find Severus Snape on the other end.
"I...I wished to know if you have any other instructions for me before you leave." he said not at all bothering to step foot in the bedroom and keeping his distance.
"No." replied Hermione evenly. "I've told you all that you needed to know...I'm sure you can handle Ellie just fine with you being her father and all."
Snape nodded before turning to leave her to her packing.
"I...I apologize for my behavior that night...I wasn't...you didn't deserve that." he said quickly before taking his leave and returning to the sitting room.
Hermione had been at a loss for words as she watched him leave.
After all this time, Severus Snape had been apologizing to her. She was sure that something had happened to him that brought about this change in him, but she had no idea what it had been.