A/N: Last chapter, Sarah was in an LA hotel trying to decide what to do. She eventually decided she would re-join the CIA, something she knows. This chapter we see Chuck in the days after Sarah leaves.

Still mostly positive reviews. Thank you. Long may that last.

Again, beta free. Let me know if you spot any mistakes and I'll try to correct them, when I can.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck or the lyrics I have used, but really like all the Peter Gabriel wrote.

After You

Chapter 3 – Now You've Gone

You keep your distance, I can't deny you
I got the feeling, can't satisfy you
I got your picture on the wall
I got the picture long gone
You keep your wishes, I'll keep my feelings
There goes another one that kept me breathing
I'm waiting for you, I know you're leaving
I'll still adore you, you never need me

Hold on, I've found another way to let you go away
Hold on, you've found another way to bleed my soul away

The things you told me, to hear you speak
I'm burning slowly, I'm growing weak
You bring me closer to yesterday
Yesterday's a million miles away
Why can't you hear me, why can't I sleep?
And I don't understand what keeps me breathing
I'm waiting for you, I know you're leaving
I'll still adore you, you'll never need me

Hold on, I've found another way to let you go away
Hold on, you've found another way to bleed my soul away

"Hold On"
Limp Bizkit

Ellie Woodcomb is watching her brother from his kitchen, as she nurses the coffee she had just made.

She remembers a similar situation, that awful time after Stanford.

He had been mourning the loss of the girl he was going to propose to. He'd returned to Ellie completely battered. Completely devastated. He had lost the girl he loved. To that rat bastard Bryce Larkin, who he'd previously thought was his best friend there.

Of course, it wasn't only the relationship break up. Larkin had also accused him of cheating and had ultimately gotten him expelled. However, it was the relationship disaster that Chuck focused on most, claiming it was his own fault and how could he have thought such a wonderful girl could have fallen for him. He was unlovable.

He'd then spent months wallowing in misery. Refusing to leave the apartment. Binging on cheese puffs and beer.

She shakes her head, trying to dispel those thoughts. However, what she is seeing is not was exactly the same. Probably worse.

This time Ellie felt it too.

Back then, Ellie hadn't liked the woman who had hurt him, Jill Hell-spawn Roberts. She didn't trust Jill. Jill wasn't good enough for her brother. And she'd been right.

This time it's different. Ellie loved Sarah Walker, even before she married Chuck and became Sarah Bartowski. She'd loved her like a sister. Still loves her that way. Like the sister she had always wanted. Now Sarah has left. Left them both. And Ellie really misses her.

Obviously, Chuck will feel the pain far more, but she feels some of it with him and can relate to what he is going through, at least a bit.

This time he truly has lost the love of his life.

Ellie reflects that the love of Chuck and Sarah was love that knew no bounds. Was eternal. Nothing would break it.

Then something did break it.

Ellie compares that love to her own. She loves Devon Woodcomb with all her heart. And the little wonder in their lives, Clara Woodcomb, is the result of that love and she loves her so much too. But Chuck and Sarah's love for each other had seemed more, somehow.

When he had returned from leaving to find Sarah, back to his apartment, he had been completely broken and couldn't even talk. How he had driven back was beyond her.

Ellie had been looking out for him, hopeful that Sarah would be with him. She had spotted him, almost staggering up the path after parking his car. He was on his own. She knew this was bad, so had rushed out of her apartment to get to him. She had caught him as he collapsed while trying to put his key in the lock to open the front door.

She'd helped him into the apartment and to his couch. He had just collapsed there and couldn't talk, at all. He tipped over and put his head on the arm of the couch and scrunched up, putting his feet on the couch. All Ellie could do, then, was grab a blanket and place it over him.

Thankfully, he was so exhausted, he fell asleep very quickly.

The next day she had managed to coax him to tell her what had happened.

Morgan had apparently challenged him to think where Sarah might have gone and he'd had some realization and rushed off to find her. Ellie knew this already. Morgan had told her.

What Chuck had decided was that Sarah would have gone to a place very special to both of them. Their spot on the beach.

If he hadn't been so depressed, Ellie would have scoffed at that, but she is glad she hadn't. That's exactly where he'd found Sarah. She was there trying to decide what to do next.

When he sat beside her, he had told her he was not there to demand anything, but wanted her to know he was there for her. He would always been there for her. Ellie had teared up hearing that. It was perfect. It was so typically Chuck.

Sarah had then asked him to tell her their story. Chuck did this and they even laughed together at some things that had happen. But Sarah remembered none of it.

Then he'd told her about an idea Morgan had had. That he would kiss her and she'd remember everything. One magical kiss! Ellie groaned at that. Typical Morgan! Apparently, Sarah had laughed about it, but had then told him to kiss her.

Chuck had put everything into that kiss, but, not surprisingly, it hadn't been magical.

Sarah had told him no memories had returned, but she did have feelings for him. That was good. It was a start.

However, she said she had to get everything straight in her head, to work out what to do. And she would do that on her own, away from him.

Chuck put his head in his hands as he told her what happened next.

"She told me should would come back, when she had her memories back. Ellie, I lost it then and snapped at her. I said, 'what if you don't get them back?'" He groaned. "I shouldn't have said that. Not like that. It got her back up and, more importantly, her walls up."

Ellie had gripped his hand and said, "Oh, Chuck."

He continued, "She was upset and shouted at me. She said, 'Why do you have to say that? Why do you have to hurt us both?' She was right. It did hurt us both, when she was trying to let me down gently. I should have calmed down, but I made it worse. I yelled at her El!"

Ellie quietly asked, "What did you say, Chuck?"

"I… I yelled 'Because I have to know!' God, I wish I hadn't said that!"

The tears were now pouring down his face. They were doing the same on Ellie's face too.

Chuck looked vacantly into the distance at that point. "I could see the wall coming fully into place and she said, hard as nails, in that cold voice she gets, 'Then I won't return! Please don't wait for me!' that 'please' was more of a command, El."

Ellie said nothing, just waited for him to continue.

"I broke down completely then, El. That must have gotten to her because she softened her tone. She told me she forgave me for my outburst and if she didn't come back, I would find someone else."

Ellie couldn't stop herself, crying as she was, "Oh, Chuck."

"She told me that, even though I didn't care about her needs, her feelings, she forgave me. I did that, El. I was only thinking about myself. She was going through hell and all I was thinking was what I needed. My lofty intentions washed away by my selfishness. I apologized for it, but I had already pushed her away."

He paused, but then continued, "She left telling me she hoped she would come back, but also hoped I wouldn't need her. I'm so confused, El."

That was all he could say and he rushed off to the bathroom sobbing.

When he eventually came back, hours later, he refused to talk anymore. Or listen to any advice from his sister.

Now, two days later, he is back on that couch. Wallowing in self-pity. Again!

She doesn't know how to help him, any more than she did ten years ago, but she knows she can't leave him right now. She can't go to Chicago leaving him like this. She will stay and comfort him as best she can.

She really hopes that that love will transcend all this pain. For both of them. The fact that Sarah said she had feelings for him gave her that hope. She understood Sarah's need to 'regroup' in her own way. She hoped that Sarah would get those memories back, to match her feelings. As soon as possible.

A/N: Please leave a review and let me know what you think.

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