A/N: Last chapter, Chuck was still trying to keep hoping that Sarah will return. He is doubtful, though. This chapter we'll see how Sarah is getting on back in the CIA. If there was another letter there, I might have been tempted to use lyrics from The Beatles' "Back in the USSR". The song chosen will make the mission obvious; apologies to any Americans that don't like it.
Thanks to all those that took the time to write a review. It's good to know some people are still reading it and I'm not just doing this for myself.
Still no betas in sight. Let me know if you spot any mistakes and I'll try to correct them, when I can.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck or the lyrics I have used. Another of Peter Gabriel's great songs.
Chuck – After You
Chapter 5 – Snapshot
They're coming 'round the corner with the bikers at the front
I'm wiping the sweat from my eyes
-It's a matter of time
-It's a matter of will
And the governor's car is not far behind
He's not the one I've got in mind
'Cos there he is-the man of the hour, standing in the limousine
"I don't really hate you
-I don't care what you do
We were made for each other
-Me and you
"Family Snapshot"
Peter Gabriel
The psych evaluations had been grueling. They didn't trust her.
Thinking about it, Sarah knew she wouldn't have either. She certainly wouldn't believe this crazy story about having five years memory wiped, let alone how that was done!
The physical tests were straight forward. She was still able to ace everything. Target practice with any type of pistol or rifle. Same with knives, always her favorite. The hand-to-hand fighting was also easy, taking down men much heavier than her. Same with all the various forms of martial arts. Basically, her body was ready.
The memory loss was the main thing that worried them. That she had lost it, but also could that happen again? If she could lose it again, she would be useless as a field agent.
The lack of knowledge about how the world had moved on was also a concern. The new political powers, the new alliances, the new conflicts and, especially, the technology changes. She promised to catch up on it all and, thankfully, her records showed a propensity for doing just that. She'd done it at The Farm when she had first been recruited, very successfully.
So, she spent her days being tested in various ways and her nights studying.
After a month, she had had enough of this. She knew she was ready. Today she'd challenged the evaluation board and they had relented. They had approved her starting as a field agent again.
Now she is sitting in the waiting room outside the Directors office. He'd kept her waiting for ten minutes now. It was his right to do that, but still frustrating.
For the third time, she stopped her foot tapping. Where had that habit come from?
The woman behind the desk looks up at her. "The Director will see you now."
"Thank you," she replies. She gets up and walks to the door. Opening it and walking through was just like it had been before, what seemed like less than two months ago, but was actually over five years ago.
The person sitting behind the desk was different, though. This one was older with graying hair.
"Agent Walker." The lack of welcome and the brevity of the greeting was familiar, though.
"Director."
He gestures towards the chair opposite him and she sits.
He stares at her for several minutes, saying nothing.
She knows this technique. Some agents would feel uncomfortable and squirm. She just sits, with her hands folded in her lap, and stares back.
He is the first to look away. He reaches for a folder in front of him. "Your main skill was as an assassin." It wasn't a question, just a factual statement.
"Yes, Sir," she replies.
"Good." He tosses the folder over to her. "Your mission. Flight's in two hours."
He says nothing else and turns away and picks up a sheet of paper from his desk.
She knows this treatment too. She's dismissed.
She gets up. "Thank you, Sir."
He nods, still reading.
She leaves and sits down outside. She will read this and then head out for the airport.
Another assassination mission. She had had enough of those before, but it was a mission. And a distraction from her other thoughts.
Lying on the ground at the top of the hill, she prepares herself.
A long range shot with her sniper rifle. Easy. She'd done this before and couldn't fail.
Amazingly, this dictator was popular with his people and he loved the attention. He is going to be standing in an open top car! Probably waving at the crowds either side of the road. God! Who did that sort of thing these days?
Sarah has her rifle in place with the sights on where she planned to shoot him. Right in the middle of the busiest street. Large crowds. Maximum confusion. A perfect shot.
So why are her hands shaking?
She couldn't be nervous. She'd done this so many times before.
Is she ill? No. She feels fine.
Something is gnawing away at the back of her mind. Telling her this is wrong. That she shouldn't do this. Can't do this.
She shakes her head. Of course, she can.
She sees the cavalcade appear at the end of the road. She leans forward and gets her eye lined up. Telling that doubt that she could do this.
Sweat is now pouring from her brow, into her eyes. What! I never sweat!
She is also starting to feel nauseous, but she has to ignore that now.
As the car comes into position, she prepares her finger and closes her other eye.
It's dark.
She jerks awake. Her face is pressed against the side of the rifle which has twisted to its side. Her finger is no longer in place. Her hand is open, with the rifle on top of it.
She can't remember pulling the trigger. She can't remember the shot.
Oh. God! She didn't make the shot! She must have passed out!
Something must have happened.
She remembers the sweating, and the nausea.
She feels completely healthy, so it wasn't illness.
She knows what it is. She is struggling to believe it, but she can't do assassination missions any more. Something in the last five years has changed her. She knows what it is. Chuck Bartowski. He's changed her.
At that moment she gets three memories back.
She remembers killing a man by a railway track. He is kneeling on the ground in front of her. Sneering at her, saying something about telling Fulcrum about the Intersect, Chuck. She shoots him without hesitation.
In the next memory, she is telling Chuck the man has been taken away.
In the final one, he is calling her a liar, a cold-blooded assassin and that he can't trust her anymore. That seemed important to her.
She can't cope with these thoughts and passes out again.
She was retrieved from the hill by the agent that was sent to complete her mission. He had killed the target and suspected this was where she should have been for the first shot.
She is now back in DC.
She is waiting to see the Director. Again.
She knows this meeting won't go well. She failed the mission. For God's sake, I never fail missions!
But she has. She blacked out when she should have just pulled the trigger.
The woman behind the desk doesn't even speak to her this time, waving her in.
As she sits in front of him, he just stares at her. After a minute of silence, he says, "Walker. You can't do simple assassination missions."
No question and what was worse, Walker, not Agent Walker. She says nothing.
"You can't be sent on infiltration missions. You might be recognized by someone you don't remember."
She can't argue with that, so, again, stays silent.
"No other agent will take a risk, working with you."
He is silent for another minute. She knows that technique. Silence makes people nervous and they can say things they wouldn't otherwise.
"Why would I keep you on as an agent?"
She had no answer and just looks down at the hands she has gripping each other in her lap.
"Leave."
The dismissal sends her out. It sends her home to cry.
She's only ever been an agent!
Nursing another coffee, she is thinking about the Directors words.
When he said leave, did he mean, as she had thought, leave his office or did he mean leave the Company?
This brings tears again. What else could she do?
She now understands why she was sent on an assassination mission. It wasn't just because she was good at those, but also that was the only mission they thought she could do. And she'd demonstrated that she couldn't even do that!
God! No other agents wouldn't work with her either! She hadn't worked with many. Bryce was the last, before he betrayed her. Would she have agreed to work with another agent anyway? Could she trust someone enough to work with them?
Suddenly, another memory hit her.
= ! =
Kieran Ryker was waiting in the van. She was in the mansion, upstairs, looking for the package. Ryker had told her which room it would be in and she was just outside that room. She knew all the men were downstairs. This should be easy.
She opens the door and immediately sees the package. A baby.
"Do you have it?" Ryker snaps. She blinks. He knew this was the package.
She hadn't answered. "Bring it to me!" he demands.
She immediately knows he wants this baby for himself, not for the CIA. She has to take it away. Away from the men downstairs. From him. From anybody.
She grabs the baby carrier from the floor, puts it on and lifts the baby into it. The baby starts crying out.
She hears footsteps. Two men coming up the stairs. As they rush in, she shoots both. She drops her pistol and grabs their machine guns.
As she runs down the stairs, men are emerging from rooms either side of her. She mows them down.
= ! =
This shocks Sarah to her core. Another traitor. Another man she shouldn't have trusted. But how did she know that? How did she know he was off mission?
Then she gets another memory back. This one is just a quick flash.
= ! =s
This baby won't shut up! She'd fed it. She'd changed that God awful nappy! And still it screams.
She reaches for her phone and makes the call.
"Mom?"
= ! =
God! She had called her Mom? About the baby?
She hadn't talked to her Mom since she and her Dad had left when she was seven!
The next memory is not much longer than the last.
= ! =
"I have to leave the baby with you, Mom. People will come after me. I can't keep it safe."
Her Mom nods, holding the baby in her arms.
"And you have to be careful. In case they come here. I can't risk coming here again. They might follow me to get to the child."
= ! =
She gasps. She'd put her Mom in danger as well!
That thought reaches into her brain and pulls the curtains shut.
She wakes in a bed. Looking around, she realizes she in in a hospital, most likely the CIA medical unit.
She tries to remember how she got here, but has no idea. Her last thought was of her Mom. In danger.
She starts to shake. She put her Mom in danger! Her job had put her Mom in danger! How did this happen? When did it happen? Chuck wasn't with her.
Then she remembers those missing months from her notes. That must have been when it happened. Just before Chuck.
That was five years ago! Was her Mom still alive? Was the child?
The anguish is too much. The curtains closes again. Her brain shuts down.
She had been signed off on long term sickness. Six months to recover from her "breakdown".
Six months! With no distractions!
To recover? Recover from the so-called breakdown or to recover her memories?
She'll be thinking of Chuck Bartowski, her husband, all that time! How saving his life by shooting that man had jeopardized her chances of a relationship with the man she loved.
The man she still loved.
Could she go back to him with so few memories?
No. She had to have more than that, but maybe the memories will start coming back now.
A/N: Memories aren't all happy. She may want them all back, but maybe not these. Next chapter, we'll continue with Sarah.
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