A/N: Last chapter, Sarah failed to complete an assassination mission, had a breakdown and was signed off on long term sickness. Let's see how she gets on. Warning: this is going to be one of the darkest chapters.
Thanks for all the reviews so far. For those thinking the CIA wouldn't accept her back, missing five years of her memory, I agree with you. I don't think they would, but if they did, this type of mission seemed the most likely one to be given to her. Anyway, like I've said before, the songs are driving this not me!
Still betaless. Let me know if you spot any mistakes and I'll try to correct them, when I can.
Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck or the lyrics I have used. A song by great Limp Bizkit this time. Obviously a happy song. :)
Chuck – After You
Chapter 6 – Hurt Me
The hiding from you is done
The lying from you is done
No more eating, no sleeping, no living
It's all just more giving to you and I'm done
Why'd I have to go and meet somebody like you, like you?
Why'd you have to go and hurt somebody like me, like me?
How could you do somebody like that?
Hope you know that I'm never comin' back (never comin' back)
"Boiler"
Limp Bizkit
She had been here for two weeks now. Still in her crappy DC apartment. Just moping about, feeling sorry for herself.
At the end of last week, she had finally gotten off her ass and gone out for more than food shopping. She had gone for a run. Hoping to clear the cobwebs. But it hadn't done that. That nest of spiders was still there. Hiding her memories. Still is today too.
Today is going to be different, though. Today she is going to go on a train. Just her as a tourist, exploring places she has never had time to visit before. Something she never does, so it'll get her away from everything. CIA. DC. Chuck Bartowski.
She hasn't been able to stop thinking about him, not completely. She had managed to dull it on the occasions when she was able to keep her brain occupied, but that was hard these days. And when she went to sleep, she always dreamt of him. Not memories from those missing years, just how he had looked when she last saw him, when he was telling her their story. And when he'd kissed her. She still wanted more kisses, but she has to be strong. She has to get those memories back first.
She has her ticket in her hand and is walking onto the platform when a memory hits her. Really hits her. She is lucky that she is by a bench and almost falls onto it.
= ! =
She is on a train platform. She notices the sign on the wall by her. One of the platforms at Prague train station. She has two tickets in her hand. One for her, one for Chuck. They are going to run away together. To get away from him being trained to become a spy. An NSA agent. He has agreed to run with her and they are meeting here and will jump on the train.
He walks to her. She beams at him and reaches up and kisses him. But he doesn't kiss her back. She jokes about it, but he looks serious. Then, he tells her he isn't coming with her. He turns and walks away.
He is rejecting her! He is abandoning her when she is giving up everything for him!
This is the worse betrayal she has ever experienced!
= ! =
As she sits gasping, people give her a wide berth, obviously not wanting to be near this crazy woman.
Then another memory hits her. Hits her hard.
= ! =
She is standing in a fast-food joint. In a small and tight-fitting uniform. Obviously an employee there.
Her boyfriend, Chuck Bartowski, walks in telling her that he can't be with her any more. He wants a real relationship. Real?
He walks out and she just stands there stunned. Then she spots him going into the deli she can see from the window.
She watches for a while, then he appears at a table in the window. Sitting with a brunette who obviously only has eyes for him. And he looks so happy. With her. That brunette. He has abandoned Sarah, walked away from her, to be with that brunette!
= ! =
Another rejection. Abandoned again! Chuck abandoned her again!
Before she can recover from that, another memory appears in her mind.
= ! =
She is running, carrying her gun. She is with Casey. They burst into a room.
She can't believe her eyes. Chuck is there. In bed. With another brunette. Making love to her! Bastard!
How could he do this to her?
= ! =
Another betrayal! Having sex with another woman, somewhere she could see it!
She can't get up. She is reeling from these memories.
He just kept betraying her. She obviously took him back each time and then he would do it again.
He had lied about loving her. He couldn't treat someone he loved like that!
He was a liar. A cheat. A betrayer.
She should never have trusted him. She had lowered her walls, the walls that had protected her all her life, and she had been betrayed. Hurt. Hurt more than she had ever been before.
She had given him her heart and he had crushed it.
She shakes herself. She can't go on a train now. She has to get back to her apartment.
She is sitting staring at the blank paper in front of her.
She has decided she has to write. She can't phone or text this. She can't talk to him or interact with him. He'd try to deceive her again. He'd hurt her again. This has to be clean. Clear cut. Final.
She gathers her strength and starts to write.
There is scrunched up paper all over the floor, but she has finally managed to compose a letter that says everything.
She knows this will upset him, but why was she protecting him? Why had she been trying to make this easy for him? That bastard is probably already in bed with someone else right now. Some brunette. One of those brunettes, even!
Bastard! Playing with her heart! Tossing her away whenever he felt like it.
The letter tells him that she remembers all the pain he had given her and she would never let him do that to her again. She would never see him again.
Tomorrow, she will resign from the CIA. They don't want her either. She will leave DC and move somewhere away from everything. All her past. The years she remembers, as well as the ones she doesn't.
She will try to ignore these awful memories that are returning.
A new start. Blank sheet of paper. As she looks around the room, she hopes it won't get scrunched up like these.
Whatever happens, when she posts this letter, she will never think of him again. Never!
A/N: Oh dear. He did hurt her a lot in the show. Personally, I liked him less and less as the show progressed, until they finally got together. When I tried re-watching the show earlier this year, my wife had to stop it, part way through Season 2, because I kept shouting at him!
Next chapter, we'll see how Chuck takes that letter.
Leave a review and let me know what you think of this one. For those upset with me over this, I'm hiding; you can't get me!
If you're not a member of the Chuck FanFiction Facebook group, sign up and share your happy thoughts about this with me there as well.