After You Chapter 7 – Ending It, a chuck fanfic

A/N: Last chapter, Sarah remembered all the times Chuck hurt her. She won't let him do that again and has sent a letter telling him she won't return. Let's see what he thinks of it.

Thanks for the reviews of the last chapter and for sticking with it.

Still a beta free zone. PM me if you spot any mistakes and I'll try to correct them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck or the lyrics I have used. Another happy Limp Bizkit song.

Chuck – After You

Chapter 7 – Ending It

I just read your letter, it says that you'll be gone for a while
Everything was getting better, I guess I'm just a fool strung out
What to do, my life is through
Just wanna kill myself for you
I wonder just how sympathetic you'll be
You've come to take me under and I've forgotten all about me

What to do, my life is through
Just wanna kill myself for you
So tell me why you say goodbye
And tell me why you're fucking up my whole life
Yeah, fucking up my whole life?
So I'm on my way, I leave today
If I get away, it'll be okay
It'll be okay

I'm looking out a window into a world that's taken you from me
And I'm feeling so disgusted, how pathetic can I possibly be?
What to do?

"It'll Be OK"
Limp Bizkit

He is starting to come to terms with the fact it will take her time to get her memories back, but he knows she will get them back. Won't she?

He has to believe she will. He just needs to give her the time.

He will try to bury himself in work to keep any negative thoughts at bay.

He is now on his own again. A week ago, Ellie and Devon left for Chicago and their life there. He is so grateful for all that they have done for him, but they couldn't stay. They had their own dreams to pursue. He had virtually pushed Ellie out of the apartment. He smiles thinking about that.

Now she calls him every day. "Just making sure everything is okay in Burbank". Checking up on him!

The Grimes spy was checking too. Never subtle!

The only person that he enjoys seeing these days, is Morgan's girlfriend, Alex. She brings him pies. She does care, he can feel it, but she never says anything, just treats him as she would anyone else.

One legacy of Devon being here is that he now runs every day. He is fitter than ever before. More than he was even with Sarah.

He has just returned from his latest run and collected the post which he has thrown on the table. Post is good, it gives him something to occupy his mind. After his shower, he will get a coffee and sit and read it.

Having placed his coffee down on the table, he drops onto the couch.

He picks up the first letter. He stares at it. He recognizes that writing!

His wonderful wife! She has written him a letter!

He tears it open and pulls out the paper and reads it.

Ellie has just entered the coffee shop with her new colleagues, when her phone vibrates. She looks at it. A text from Chuck. That's odd. Why would he send a text? They'd be talking this evening, like normal.

She looks at the text.

*Need to talk*

Well, that doesn't tell her much! But it does imply some urgency.

She excuses herself from the others and walks out, calling him.

When she hears the other end pick up, she jokingly says, "Hi, Chuck. Can't wait to talk to your sister, huh?"

"SHE'S NOT COMING BACK!" he yells, sounding completely devastated.

She has to pull the phone away from her ear. "Hold on, Chuck! Don't shout."

"Sorry. She's not coming back, El."

"We've talked about this, Chuck. She said she would, when she could. Stop this!" Ellie demands.

"No, El. She wrote to me. It says she's not coming back, ever!"

That takes her by surprise. She can also hear him crying.

She quietly says, "Chuck, sit down and read it to me."

"Okay, El."

She can hear him shuffling and then he starts, "A letter arrived by post this morning. I recognized her handwriting. I was so excited."

"Tell me what she said, Chuck."

"Oh. Here goes. There's no address for her, but the letter starts…

"Mr Bartowski,

"Mr Bartowski, El!" he says, sounding even more upset.

"Carry on. I want to hear the whole thing."

= ! =

Mr Bartowski,

I am writing to inform you that I have had memories return to me. Memories of how you treated me. I don't know how you could claim to love me when you treated me like that! You left me for a deli girl. You slept with another woman when we were together. You rejected me at Prague railway station. Rejection and betrayal!

You hurt me! I obviously kept giving you another chance and each time, you hurt me, again! I obviously gave you my heart and you treated me like that!

You are obviously lying when you say you love me. No one could love someone and then treat them like you treated me!

I won't let you hurt me anymore. I will never come back to you. You will never see me again.

Sarah Walker

= ! =

Ellie has her hand over her mouth. Tears are starting to roll down her cheeks. She pulls herself together. "Chuck, is all of this true?"

He stutters, "W-well, y-yes."

"Chuck, I know about the deli girl. Lou, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"wasn't that when you thought Sarah wasn't really interested in you?"

"She wasn't, El. It was just a cover."

"Okay, stop. She obviously has not got the context behind that one. What about the next one? Sleeping with someone?"

"That's true as well."

"WHAT?"

"El, don't shout, please."

"Tell me!"

"It was Jill."

She tried not to yell again and controls herself to say, "What?"

"She turned up and we reconnected."

She says, sarcastically, "It sounds like you did! And Sarah caught you at it?"

"Yes. Sarah and Casey."

She rolls her eyes, "I'm sorry, Chuck, I love you, but you shit!" How she stops herself from shouting that last word is beyond her.

"El, Sarah and I still weren't dating for real."

She snarls, "Don't give me that! Whether you were dating for cover or for real, Sarah loved you. I had seen she did, and she told us too."

"But I didn't know, El. I was desperate for love. And Jill turned up and wanted to do that."

She growls, "And that the other thing wrong here, Chuck. You had sex with the hell-spawn!"

"Don't call her th-"

She can't stop herself from shouting, "I'll damn well call her that, because that's what she is!"

She pauses, then, "What about the station?"

"I did refuse to go on a train with her, El."

"There's obviously more."

"I was in Prague to receive spy training. Sarah didn't want me to become a spy and had persuaded me to run away with her."

"Well, I agree with her. You shouldn't have become a spy!"

"El, if we had run, I would never have seen you again," he whines.

She ignores that. "So, you rejected her. Did you tell her why?"

There is a pause, then he quietly says, "Not at the time."

She flings her free hand up in the air. If she hadn't been holding the phone, it would have been both hands. "Oh, shit! You abandoned her, rejected her and didn't say why! You really were a shit back then, Chuck."

She can hear him sobbing. "I know!"

"So, two memories out of context and one where you were caught. I'm not surprised she is reacting like this! I would too!"

He sniffs. "What can I do, El?"

"Well, you could try to track her down and explain yourself."

"Okay, I will."

Her work colleagues have come out and are waving to her to join them to head back. "Okay, Chuck. I have to go back to work now, but I'll call again this evening. Don't do anything stupid. Love you."

"Yeah, love you too, El."

Chuck spent a couple of hours trying to calm himself down. A run, a long one, and a shower. Then he tries to contact Sarah. He had never expected to have to track her down and he had never thought where she would go. So, he'd never searched for her before. He had been "giving Sarah her space".

When he calls her phone, he gets number unobtainable. Maybe she'd changed the phone. Why would she do that?

Ellie is starting to panic about his state of mind. He seems even more depressed now, talking to her on the phone again.

"El, I can't track her down. I think she's disappeared."

Ellie, trying to help, replies, "Chuck, she might just have changed her phone."

"I know."

She pushes, "Where would she go?"

"She had an apartment in DC when she was in the CIA."

That sounds hopeful. "Would she have gone there?"

"If she went back to the CIA, she might have an apartment there, but unlikely to be the same one."

She groans, "So she wouldn't have gone back to her old apartment, then!"

"No, El."

The CIA comment worries her, not just for Chuck, but for Sarah too. She tries to sound calm. "Do you think she would have re-joined?"

"Maybe."

"Can you find out?"

"Maybe."

God! Single word answers now! "I'm coming there, Chuck."

"DC?"

"No, Burbank. To be with you."

"Okay."

Ellie hadn't expected him to agree to that without some resistance. This is really bad.

After hanging up, she starts contacting others on her phone. This will need more than just her.

He grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pulls his laptop to him. After a swig, he gets to work. Using his Piranha skills to check if Sarah was back with the CIA. He hadn't gotten his head in gear before or he would have used those skills earlier.

It doesn't take long. She has re-joined. She is using her old name, Sarah Walker. That hurts, like it had reading it at the bottom of the letter, but he isn't going to let that stop him. Yes, she is back with the CIA. Shit!

He breaks the connection to the CIA servers for now.

A few minutes later, he decides he will look for her DC address. He will go there. Confront her.

But what if she still wouldn't come back?

He couldn't live without her! He just couldn't!

With those dark thoughts he falls asleep, his head landing on the keyboard. He dreams of hanging himself. Of jumping in front of a train. Jumping off a bridge. Ending this miserable existence.

First thing next morning, he is very uncomfortable, lying with his face on his keyboard. He closes the laptop and heads to the bathroom for the toilet. While he is there, he decides to shower as well, before Ellie gets here.

Then back to the laptop. He goes back into the CIA system. Piranha skills at work again. Her file records that she has resigned. He hadn't spotted that last night, just that she had gone back there. That means she might not be there, in DC, anymore. She certainly won't be in a CiA apartment. There are no contact details. She's gone. Vanished.

He is holding his head in his hands. He now has no leads.

Then, the whole gang turns up.

When he'd talked to Ellie yesterday she must have made a number of calls!

He is overwhelmed. Elle and Devon, with Clara playing at their feet, Morgan and Alex, his mom, Emma and Molly, who was kindly keeping Clara entertained. Emma herself looking distraught. Apparently even Casey and Gertrude were on their way!

Ellie turns to her husband. "Devon, can you take the girls into Chuck room to play?"

"Sure," he booms. "Come on girls. Lots to play with in there." They hurry to follow him.

Chuck is now sitting facing the jury. The Accused.

"Why this?" he asks.

"Why what?" his mom asks.

"You holding court in my apartment," he snaps.

Ellie starts, "Chuc-".

"No, El! You had no right to summons them!" he shouts at her.

"CHUCK!"

His Mom's shout shocks him into silence, just like if had when he was young."

He just glares. Silently.

Ellie starts again, "Chuck, I was worried about you! Worried you'd do something stupid."

"Like what?" he sullenly asks.

His mom answers, "Taking you life. Tell me you're not thinking about it!" She could always read him, so he looks away.

"As I thought," his mom finishes, sitting back.

"You can't do that, Chuck!" Morgan looks distraught.

"Why not? What's to live for?" Chuck mutters, but they all hear him.

Ellie opens her mouth to reply, but her mom holds her hand up stopping her. And stopping Morgan too. She looks at Chuck and says just what is needed. "For Sarah."

He wails, "She doesn't want me!"

He can't pull his eyes from his mom's. It feels like she is looking right through him when she says just one word, "Yet."

A/N: I can't imagine how I would feel if my wife left me. Probably a bit like this. I do think family would be key to getting through this, so here saving him from himself. Good old, Ellie. All back to Chuck's place!

Next chapter, we'll be back with Sarah. It starts to lighten up, a bit, honest. Leave a review and let me know what you think of this chapter.

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