A/N: Last chapter, Sarah's happy memories were returning, but are they too late? In this chapter, Sarah continues getting memories back while she tries to distract herself from feeling miserable about what she's done.

This could have been an extension of the previous chapter if it hadn't been for the lyrics here. This was one of the songs that originally inspired me to write this whole thing, so I had to use it!

Thanks for the reviews. Always great to see them. More varied comments, which I guess is good.

Still no beta. Let me know if you spot mistakes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck or the lyrics I have used. This is my favorite chorus from Limp Bizkit. :)

Chuck – After You

Chapter 9 – Hate Me

I know why you wanna hate me
I know why you wanna hate me
I know why you wanna hate me
'Cause hate is all the world has even seen lately

"Take A Look Around"
Limp Bizkit

She is sitting watching the news on the television. She had been watching the television for a couple of days. Since her happy memories had returned.

There are still a lot of memories missing. Most in fact, but she has now had two different types of memories come back to her. Extreme memories. Some very bad and some very good. She smiles at that. Very, very good!

She has only had one memory linked with the ones on that first day. She is sure they must have become a real couple after that. She could never have gone back to a cover after that and, from what she has remembered about Chuck, she is sure he couldn't either. So how had they managed to stay as a couple and her not being removed from the team?

Staying as a real couple tied in more with Chuck's stories about them getting engaged and married. That also meant they must have continued making love, but she had had no more memories about that either. She is definitely sad about that!

The one linked memory was another painful one, that brought back a memory from her past that she always tried to suppress, to forget about. Shaw telling her he was going to kill her for killing his wife. Her Red Test. She didn't want to think about that at all. Another memory to suppress.

She still doesn't feel she really knows Chuck, but she is starting to understand him better. And to really love him all over again.

So, with the happy memories in mind, she has been thinking, over the last two days, about how she has now really screwed everything up.

That letter!

She wishes she had had the good memories before the bad. She wishes she had never sent that letter.

What must he think of her?

Has she driven him into someone else's arms? Into their bed or them into his? Probably.

She needs to think about something else. Do something else, but she just doesn't have the will power to do anything, so she just sits watching the television.

She never watched the television as an agent. She had as a child, when not out on the cons with her dad, but not after being recruited. At least that was true up to the point she met Chuck Bartowski.

Had Chuck made her a television viewer? Did she watch series on the screen with him? Did she watch movies with him?

She doesn't know. She had had no memories of any of that, but has a feeling that they had and that is why she's stuck here. Watching.

She has watched things that she never would have expected. Another indicator that Chuck had changed her, which makes her smile a bit.

But Science fiction, for God's sake! She had watch so much Star Trek that she knew all the characters names by heart now! Did she watch this with him or was it just the genre?

It was all good, entertaining stuff. Some ridiculous episodes, like the one with the furry animals, Tribbles? But many were good explorations about what made humans different to other species they encountered.

When she watched the Vulcans, she saw parallels with her as an agent. Cold, unfeeling, emotionless, seeker of truth, of facts. As she watched the character on the screen do it, she found herself holding her hand in front of her with her fingers split, two on the left, two on the right. She now even wants to see if the Vulcan nerve pinch would make someone drop! So, is a Vulcan in human form?

Then, watching the Romulans, she also saw similarities to her, her childhood and her spy life. They were deceitful. You couldn't trust them. They would never tell the truth. Just like her as a child. It was a skill she carried into her career as an agent, a skill she needed and used. So, is she a Romulan in disguise rather than a Vulcan? Rather than a human?

She had had to stop watching Star Trek when she realized how her brain was spiraling like this. She was obviously becoming suggestable.

So, now she is watching the news.

The news is depressing.

Back on March 2, in Frankfurt, a Kosovan was arrested for shooting two US Air Force personnel at Frankfurt's airport.

On March 8, there had been a car bombing in Faisalabad in Pakistan. The car striking a gas station, triggering off several nearby gas cylinders creating a huge explosion. A terrorist attack by the Taliban, who she had only learnt about recently.

On March 9, also in Pakistan, this time in Peshawar, a suicide bomber struck a funeral for a local militia member. At least forty-three were killed and more than one hundred were injured.

So much hate in the world!

Then she thinks about the memories that had returned to her.

Daniel Shaw definitely hated her. Hated her for killing his wife. The woman had been a traitor, but that didn't matter to Shaw, he just knew someone had killed the woman he loved. Her. Sarah Walker when she had a different name, but still her.

She knows she has killed many men and women during her carrier. The families of those people must hate her like Shaw does.

That takes away any good thoughts about Chuck and her being in a relationship before.

She had sent that letter! A letter full of anger. Full of hurt, of pain. Even if he has found love with someone else, his last memory of her will be that letter.

Chuck must really hate her too!

She puts her head in her hands and cries and cries.

A/N: Doom and gloom again. Sorry. Some might think it is right for Sarah to suffer like Chuck. This was a short one, but I don't want to dwell on this, I just wanted to use that phrase from the Limp Bizkit song!

Next chapter is back with Chuck. He is coping better, honest! And this fic is going to get brighter going forward.

Leave a review and let me know what you think of this one.

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