A/N: Last chapter, Sarah regained consciousness and found Chuck next to her hospital bed. Will he allow her back into his life?

Thanks again for all the reviews. A number of you have commented that Chuck taking her back is a given, but remember his insecurities and fears, they always make things hard for these two.

Betaless, but able and willing to make any corrections, if you let me know about them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck or the lyrics I have used. The main lyrics from The Police this time, with a some more from Japan within in the chapter.

Chuck – After You

Chapter 15 – Every Breath

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you.

Since you've gone, I've been lost without a trace.
I dream at night, I can only see your face.
I look around but it's you I can't replace.
I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace.
I keep crying baby, baby, please...

Oh can't you see
You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches with every step you take.

Every move you make
Every vow you break
Every smile you fake
Every claim you stake
I'll be watching you.

"Every Breath You Take"
The Police

Chuck didn't answer her questions. He just shrugs, lets go of her hand and walks away. Out of her room.

Seeing him leave, she can't stop herself from crying.

It feels like she has lost him, but he'd come to her, hadn't he? Here in Dallas. Why would he do that if he didn't want to be with her? Was it just because he felt responsible for her and not that he cared for her?

As they had been talking, Sarah could read the signs. She'd always been able to read him. She knew he was struggling to accept that she wanted to be with him.

Now, as she thinks about the time since the beach, she knows has done nothing but pull away from him. God, that letter said it all! Now she is asking him to take her back. He probably thinks it is because she is now vulnerable and needs him, for God's sake!

But she also remembers Chuck Bartowski, the person. How he thinks. She can't push him on this. If she does, he'll decide she's manipulating him, or some other such garbage. He always makes the wrong assumptions. She snorts about that. She has demonstrated that she is no better. Maybe worse!

She knows she should let him take his time.

Some lines from a song she had heard recently, seem to sum up her situation now. "Ghosts" by Japan.

Just when I think I'm winning
When I've broken every door
The ghosts of my life
Blow wilder than before

Having been found again by Chuck, she does feel like there should be hope, she should feel like she is winning, but the things she's done are stopping that. What she's done, both in her past and recently, are her ghosts.

She shakes herself. Thinking like this is not good.

Maybe she should just enjoy being with him and think that it is more than she deserves. Enjoy it while it lasts. It is more than she deserves, after all.

Chuck mind is in turmoil. Sarah is telling him that she remembers. That she wants to be back with him. But does she really? Is she lying? She is a professional liar, after all. Trained by her father and by the CIA.

On the beach, she had promised to return, but had then sent that letter, saying she never would. It has taken him so long to recover from that and now she is back in his life making promises again.

Could he trust her with his heart again?

He has spent the days with her in the hospital, being there for her. Listening to her. Watching her.

Every time she says anything, he falls in love again. Her voice really is that of an angel. It gets to him, making his heart race. Looking at her, so beautiful, pulls at his heartstrings too. He wants her back, but can he risk it? Will she stay?

He still hasn't answered the questions that she raised on the day she woke. Thankfully, she hasn't asked again. She obviously wants to, but is holding back. He is thankful for that. He's noticed her looking sad when she doesn't think he can see, but has her spy mask up the rest of the time.

Then, he has spent the nights in a hotel room agonizing over what to do.

As the days have passed, she has been recovering, both from the gunshots and the other the head wound. They will be letting her out in a couple of days.

The story she has told him of why she had written the letter is exactly how the Sarah who had arrived in LA, all those years ago, would have reacted. She trusted no one. She had always suffered when she had done so. But she had told him that she believed everything he had told her on the beach. So, he had hoped that he had gotten through to her and she would trust him. These memories coming back first had obviously rocked that, if it even existed at all.

Sex with Jill had been was a stupid mistake. Because Jill was not trustworthy, not because Sarah saw them at it, but he had regretted it for both reasons later. Now even more so.

Hannah was just him being stupid, but he was, wasn't he!

So, yes, he had done hurtful things without thought, but she had made mistakes too. If only she had opened up more back then. He knows that being the closed Agent Walker had protected her for years, and that had been in place all over again, but that doesn't help him accept what has happened.

It's the silence that was so hurtful. When she had gotten enough memories back to see that she was wrong, she should have gotten in touch with him, but didn't.

He does know the reason for that. Not just because she told him in the hospital. He lived with her and helped her with those issues. Her insecurities. Always thinking he could do better than being with her. Be better off without her. That he would leave her. Hurt her. If only she had talked to him.

He knows what she did was typical Sarah Walker behavior. Even Sarah Bartowski could slip into that mindset sometimes.

Knowing all that doesn't change how he feels, though.

What she has done, and not done, has brought back his insecurities all over again. His lack of confidence. His belief he is unworthy of her. That she would not stay with him. God! She had told him she wouldn't come back, for Christ's sake!

So, here he is with her back, telling him she regrets what she has done. That she wants him to take her back. That she loves him. That she will never leave him again. All he can think is that she won't stay. She'll just suddenly disappear again. He has nothing to show that that will happen, but his own fears have taken control of him again.

He basically doesn't trust her anymore. He knows that is unfair. She has still not gotten all her memories back. He should be helping her.

This is what he has been waiting for. Hoping for. Needing. But he's a mess. A frightened mess. Fearful of something that probably won't happen, but he can't stop himself feeling that way.

He will call the person who has helped the most, for advice.

It has taken him a couple of hours to get to the point of making the call. He knows that stupid, but this is so important, he doesn't want to say the wrong things.

His hand is shaking as he holds the phone, selecting her name. "Mom?"

"Son."

He pauses, not sure how to start the conversation. He hasn't told her where he is or who he is with.

"Why have you called? This is not our normal day."

He gulps. "No, Mom, it isn't." He pauses again, obviously too long.

"So?"

He blurts it out. "I'm with Sarah."

"I know."

"W-what?"

"I tracked you to Dallas."

He is starting to get annoyed now. "You what?"

"I've told you."

"How? Why?"

"I think you know how, Son."

He does. Standard techniques. "Why?"

"I worry about you."

He knows that. Worries. Loves. Cares. All done remotely. He is actually grateful, to be honest. She hadn't done anything intrusive, just wanted to know he is okay, the best way a spy could.

He sighs. "Okay, Mom. How did you know I'm with Sarah?"

"Basic spy skills. You were at the hospital. I found out who was there. Sarah Walker."

He sits for a minute taking this in.

"How is she?"

"She's recovering, Mom. I assume you know why she's in here."

"Gunshot wounds and concussion."

"Yeah. As I said, she's recovering."

"Good."

She says nothing more. Waiting for him to speak again.

"I don't know what to do, Mom."

"Why?" Another single-word question!

"I don't know if I can trust her."

"Why?"

"She might leave again!" he whines.

"Why do you think that?"

"She leaves, Mom. It's what she does."

"She's told you she might?"

"No." He draws that out.

"So why think it?"

He knows he has to confess. No point dragging this out. "Because of my fears."

He hears her grunt. "That's my fault, isn't it, Son!" Not a question. A statement.

He hadn't meant this to be an attack on her. "Not the point, Mom. What should I do?"

"What if you're wrong?"

"Wrong?"

"About her leaving."

He hadn't really thought about this. About everything working out for them. "That would be wonderful, Mom, but what if I'm right? What if I take her back to Miami with me and she does leave?"

"What's the alternative?"

He sits for a minute, thinking about that for the first time. "I… I don't take her back."

"Is that better?"

He sits considering that. The only reason to do that is to take control of the situation. Of his life. But he knows that would only hurt. Hurt him, he'd be miserable. Hurt her, she would too. He'd be hurting them both, just so he could be in control of the situation. "No, it isn't."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"Take a chance?"

"Everything we do is taking a chance, Son."

"Thanks, Mom. I love you."

"Love you too, Son." She ends the call.

Since the day she asked him those questions, Sarah had avoided asking again. Trying her hardest to just enjoy being with him.

Seeing him is a strange experience. Part of her is overjoyed at seeing him again, listening to his voice, looking into his eyes, when he'll let her. However, part of her is so miserable, knowing that he doesn't want her anymore and he is just trying to get her through the recovery.

Each day, when he leaves, she starts crying. Each night, she cries herself to sleep.

Sarah is surprised when her phone rings. Not a number she recognizes. "Hello?"

"Sarah."

She knows the voice. Mary Bartowski. "Mary?"

"Yes."

Sarah smiles. Her memory of Mary is of the recent times, not the five years previously, but she recognizes this fellow retired agent; one who uses few words, just like she does. "Why the call, Mary?"

Not an answer, but another question. "How are you?"

"I'm recovering from being shot."

"Is Chuck with you?"

Sarah smiles, a little sadly, and gives her more information than the question is asking. She knows what Mary really wants to know. "Yes. The man I love is here with me, Mary. Not right now, but here in Dallas."

"What are your plans?"

Sarah knows again, what her mother-in-law is really asking. "I'm waiting for Chuck to decide."

"Decide what?"

Sarah is starting to tear up, but tries to hide that when she replies, "Whether we can be together again."

"What are you doing to help him decide?"

Tears are now running down her cheeks. "I'm giving him space. Time to decide. I'm not going to push. He doesn't trust me anymore, Mary."

"So, you won't leave?"

"God, no. Unless he doesn't want me."

"What do you think he wants?"

"I don't know!" she says, not being able to hold back a sniff.

"Have you asked?"

"I don't want to push."

"Ask."

The call ends, leaving Sarah deep in thought.

Chuck is back in her room with her. Sitting by her. In the chair. Not saying anything.

As she has each day, Sarah wants to hold his hand, if not him. Today, she reaches a hand out and, after a second or two, he wraps his hand around it.

They both start to talk at the same time.

"Chu-"

"Sar-"

They both stop and just look at each other. Sarah has remembered other times when they have both wanted to say something and he always pushed ahead, saying his piece, so she is surprised here that he doesn't. "Go ahead, Sarah."

She smiles at him. "Thank you, Chuck."

She has decided to tell him more, before asking like Mary had suggested. "When I wrote that terrible letter and left the CIA. I changed my phone."

He nods, "I know."

She frowns, "That doesn't sound like a Piranha thing to find."

"It wasn't. I tried to ring you and got an unobtainable number tone."

Tears forming again, she says, "I'm so sorry, Chuck."

She takes a deep breath before continuing, "I'm even more sorry about what else I did then. I changed the phone so that no one could contact me. I was cutting myself off from everyone. The next terrible thing I did was to not transfer your contact details across. Yours, your family or our friends." Tears were now running down her cheeks. "I cut myself off from anyone who cared about me. About us together. And I then had no means to contact them if I ever wanted to."

He grips her hand. She isn't sure if that is in sympathy or anger. His face is a mask. He has a spy mask on, for God's sake!

"Chuck, you have to believe me. When I got more memories back, I desperately wanted to talk to someone about it. About us."

"But not me." He might have a mask on, but his eyes show pain.

She looks away. "By then, I'd convinced myself that you would have found someone better. I wouldn't have been able to cope with a conversation with you when you told me that."

That angers him. He glares at her and raises his voice. "God, Sarah! I'd told you I would wait for you."

She tries to hold his gaze. "I know you did, but my fears and insecurities stopped me believing that. I'm so sorry about all of this." She can't stop the tears now. She takes her hand back and wipes them away.

He has to know more, so he asks, "So how did you find out where I live?"

She sniffs. "I eventually tracked down Carina."

He frowns at that. "How did that help?"

"I remembered that she was at our wedding." She gets a dreamy look in her eyes and grabs his hand again. "Our wonderful wedding, Chuck."

He frowns, so she hastily continues, "I hoped she might still be in contact with you."

He snorts. "No. So, how did she help?"

"She had Casey's number."

His curiosity almost gets the better of him, wanting to know why Carina has Casey's number, but he keeps quiet. Sarah's story is far more important.

"I've already told you I talked to Casey. I called him and he told me where you were." She notices his frown. "He quizzed me first, but eventually told me. I was driving to you, you know."

She had mentioned that before and it is good to hear, but he holds that thought in check.

She keeps going. "I had little gas, so pulled into a station and filled up. I must have been spotted there by someone I had done wrong in the past. I had next to no clothes and certainly none for Miami Beach, so I was going to buy some in a shopping mall here. A car I'd seen at the gas station drove passed and someone in it shot me."

"Any idea who it was?"

"None at all. I didn't see anyone. I wasn't expecting anything."

He nods his understanding.

She grips his hand. "Chuck, I needed to tell you all that, so you know what has happened, but I need to ask you something."

She can feel him tense. "Not about whether you can forgive me. I can see that you can't and I fully understand why. I know I messed up completely." She gulps, "I want to ask what you want, Chuck. What do you want to do now?"

He just looks blankly at her.

She braces herself. "If you want me to go away, I will. It will hurt like hell, but I won't force myself on you." She looks away after saying that, not wanting to see his expression when he answers.

He answers her question with another. "But you don't want to go?"

She looks straight back at him. "No! I never want to be away from you again, Chuck." Then she looks away again, "Unless you don't want me."

He leans forward and gives her a hug. "Oh, I want you, Sarah. I'm just terrified you will leave again. I couldn't cope with that."

She hugs him as tightly as she can. "Oh, Chuck. What a pair we are. Our lives driven by our insecurities and fears."

She pulls back and looks at him again. "Chuck, if you'll have me back, I'll be like a limpet. You'll have to prize me off you. Maybe even when you go to the toilet!"

That makes him chuckle. "Good."

She smiles, hearing that, but still hasn't had an answer. "Chuck, I'm sorry to push you, but I need to know. To know what future I have. Will you take me back?"

He knows he can't just walk away. He has to take her back into his life. His new life in Florida.

She would love his new home. She'd love the beach. If he let her, she'd love him. Again.

Tomorrow, he'll take her there and they'll try to live together again. Maybe love again.

He pulls her in again. "I'm going to take a chance, Sarah. Someone told me I should, but I really want to, anyway. Yes, Sarah. Tomorrow, I'm going to take you to our home in Miami."

Our home!

She hugs him tightly getting tears on his shirt. "Our home! That sounds wonderful, Chuck. Thank you."

A/N: Big step for Chuck, making this decision. We all know it's the right one, though.

Two songs again. This time from Peter Gabriel and Japan. Japan was another great band from the late 70s / early 80s, but this song endured. One of my favorite bands, Deftones, did a cover version, reminding me of the original.

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