Lex Luthor arrived at LexCorp early the next morning to find that it had been broken into. The door was ajar, and the alarms which should have alerted him to such an occurrence had been cut. He looked carefully around, and heard childish laughter coming from his office. He opened the door to see a young woman and her child drawing on his walls in permanent marker, while the Joker was seated in his chair, flipping through some files.
"Morning, Lexy!" he exclaimed, cheerfully.
"Joker, what are you doing here?" demanded Luthor. "I heard you were losing your mind, such as it is, in Gotham."
"I'm trying to find someone," said Joker, flicking through the papers. "This is Trixie and Ruby," he added, gesturing to the mother and child.
"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Luthor," said Trixie, smiling as she held out her hand to him.
"Uh…yes…nice to meet you," said Luthor, shaking it. "How do you…know the Joker?"
"He used to come to the brothel where I work," said Trixie.
"I…see," said Luthor slowly, regretting shaking hands with the woman now and desperately wishing he could wash them.
"Trixie is attending community college to learn how to run her own hairdressing business, so I thought I'd bring her along to see you," said Joker. "Since you're an old pal of mine and all, I said you'd be happy to give her some tips on running a business, and maybe even set her up with a studio of her own here in Metropolis. It's a better place to set up a business than Gotham – less risk of it getting randomly destroyed in a Bat attack."
"You broke into my office…to get a prostitute some advice on running a business?" asked Luthor.
"No, I told you, I'm also trying to find someone," repeated Joker, nodding at the files. "It beats pounding the pavement and knocking on the doors of randomers, and undoubtedly getting Superman's attention in doing so. I know she's in Metropolis, but I don't know where, but seeing as how you own basically every property here, I knew you'd have a record of her somewhere..."
"Who?" demanded Luthor.
"Harley, of course," retorted Joker.
"I told your pathetic Gotham friends, and I'll tell you, I would never rent to Harley," snapped Luthor.
"You would if you didn't know it was Harley," retorted Joker. "I assume she used a fake name on her residency application – she's not a total idiot."
"If she did, then how will you know when you find her?" asked Luthor.
"I'll know," retorted Joker, scanning the files.
"I know it's none of my business, but I really think you should just leave the poor woman in peace," said Luthor. "I mean, it actually is my business, because if you two get into a fight here in Metropolis, I'll undoubtedly have to clean up after you, which I definitely do not want to do. And I will not see my city descend into anarchy and chaos like the hellhole that is Gotham, dependent on a ridiculous costumed vigilante to save it."
"Well, you'd better start ironing your tights and thinking up a superhero name, Lexy!" chuckled Joker. "I recommend Baldman – you can save yourself some of the cost of a costume that way," he added, patting him on the head.
"Joker, this isn't a game," snapped Luthor, grabbing his arm. "I think you need to respect Harley's wishes and leave her alone…"
"Nobody cares what you think," interrupted Joker. "And you have no idea what her wishes are."
"You think her wishes are for you to show up at her door with a prostitute?" asked Luthor. "Are you hoping she'll be so desperate to be reunited with you that she'll be open to some sort of threesome?"
"Well, a man can dream!" chuckled Joker. "But no, I was gonna have you book Trixie and Ruby into a hotel, preferably one of your nicest ones. I'd kinda like my reunion with Harley to be private, if you get what I'm saying, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more," he added, elbowing Luthor in the gut. "And that way while I'm with Harl, you can talk to Trixie about business stuff. And if you want her to pay you for your consultation in a physical way, I certainly won't judge you for it…"
"Joker, I'm not helping this prostitute, and I'm not helping you find Harley," interrupted Luthor. "I'm telling you to get out of my city now, and take your filthy friends with you. All of them," he added, glaring at Trixie.
"Well, I'm really sorry to hear you say that, Lex," sighed Joker. "It just goes to show that some people are supremely self-interested and…now, Trixie!" he exclaimed.
Trixie grabbed Luthor suddenly, kissing him passionately while Joker snapped a picture. "Now Lexy, if you want this little photo of you engaging with a prostitute to be sent to the Daily Planet, you can kick us out of your office," continued Joker, twirling the camera between his fingers. "But if you want me not to send it, I'd suggest doing what I ask. You will put Trixie and her kid up in your best hotel and consult with her, won't you?"
Luthor glared at him. "Yes, fine," he hissed. "But you won't find Harley…"
"I just have!" exclaimed Joker, letting out a cry of triumph as he held up a piece of paper. "That's her! I'd bet my life on it! Thanks, Lexy, catch you on the flippity flip," he said, heading for the door. He passed by Ruby and held out a lollipop to her, which she took with a squeal of delight. "You be good and offer to share that with Mr. Luthor now, Ruby," he said, patting her head. "It'll help him with his Kojak look. Trix, I'm leaving him in your capable hands – I'll call you when I need the babysitting favor returned," he added.
"Thanks, J. Have fun reuniting with Harley," said Trixie.
"I will!" chuckled Joker. "You have fun with Lex, although honestly, I've always found that pretty impossible. But just remind him of my photo if he won't play ball. I know modern politicians aren't as susceptible to sex scandals as they used to be, but I still think it could do enough damage to his reputation that he won't want to risk it. Besides, it would be personally insulting to him for people to believe he had to pay for sex, rather than just using his extensive charm to get it. It would just reinforce the stereotype that bald guys can't get laid. I mean, it's true, but you don't wanna keep reminding people of your own unattractiveness, do you?"
Joker strode out the door, whistling, while Luthor glared after him. He was distracted by Ruby crawling over to him and holding up the lollipop. "Licky lick?" she asked.
"No, thank you," growled Luthor. "Now, Miss…Trixie, was it?" he sighed, turning to her. "Let's talk."