Harley sighed and put her phone away after Ivy hung up on her. "I'll bring the kiddos over later," she said. "That'll get her in a better mood. Nobody can be unhappy with our babies around."
She re-entered the living room where she had left Joker watching the children – they had fallen asleep on the sofa curled up with the hyenas, and Joker was nowhere to be found. "Puddin'?" called Harley, but not loud enough to wake up the children.
"Study!" called back Joker.
"You're meant to be watching the kiddies," said Harley sternly, as she saw him hunched over his desk in his study.
"They're asleep, and I'll hear 'em if they wake up," retorted Joker. "I'm not just gonna sit there watching people sleeping – it's creepy. And I have things to do."
"What things?" asked Harley, coming over to him.
"I'm sending Carl's heart to Janey," said Joker, nodding at a cardboard box in front of him. "I saved it for her when I disposed of the rest of the body. Sort of a metaphorical gesture, and a nice souvenir for her to remember her father."
"I…guess," agreed Harley, slowly. "Are you sure she wants to remember him?"
"I'm sure she will, whether she wants to or not," retorted Joker. "At least this way she'll have what always should have belonged to her anyway. And she'll remember if she lived through that guy's care, she can live through anything."
"I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger," agreed Harley. "I guess that's what this separation did for both of us."
"Nah, I was always strong," retorted Joker. "This separation didn't affect me in any way. It affected you, because you're weaker than me, but it didn't affect me at all. I fooled everyone though, because I'm a great performer. I fooled Batsy and all of our friends, and even you were taken in by my act, apparently. I'm just that good, I guess."
"Uh huh," said Harley, rolling her eyes. "You're sending Lexy's photo to the papers too, huh?" she asked, seeing a picture on his desk tucked into an envelope.
"Yeah, but I can't decide whether to send it to The Gotham Gazette or The Daily Planet," said Joker. "I know breaking the story in Lexy's hometown is probably the most straightforward option, but both Jack Ryder and Vicki Vale at the Gazette blow things up out of all proportion really well. I can't help but think they'll be less responsible with it than the Daily Planet will be, and less responsibility is always better for chaos."
"Yeah, especially since I think that Clark Kent guy at The Daily Planet is really Superman," agreed Harley. "And he doesn't like Lex, but I'm sure he's also against spreading malicious gossip about him. You know these hero types."
"I do," sighed Joker. "You'd think they'd want to use any advantage to ruin their enemies, but no, they have all these weird ideas about fair play and honor."
"But didn't Lex agree to help Trixie set up her business in Metropolis?" asked Harley. "Won't he revoke the offer of giving her a prime location and good publicity once you send his photo to the papers?"
"Unquestionably," agreed Joker, nodding. "Which is why I'm waiting to send it until after Trixie's established herself and her business is booming. Then I'm gonna send the photo, Lexy's gonna be furious and try to take revenge by shutting her down, then she'll go to the press and tell them Lex pressured her into sex in exchange for his help in setting up her business, which they'll obviously publish far and wide. She'll be the heroic, sympathetic victim, he'll be the disgraced, abusive bully, and thus her business will be safe while Lex will fall further into disgrace. See, everything is a game, and when you start to lose the game, you just gotta change the rules. And I'm very good at games."
"You sure are, puddin'," agreed Harley, kissing his forehead. "You wanna play a little game of our own while the kiddies are asleep? Maybe Hide and Seek the Whoopie Cushion? Or Joy Buzzer Tag? Or Pin the Tail on My Tail?"
"Harley, I'm working," snapped Joker. "And I'm sure you have lots of housework to catch up on too after being away. Why don't you do that instead of trying to distract me with silly games? Anyway, we're all outta pins for Pin the Tail on My Tail."
"Nah uh," said Harley, holding up a box and shaking it. "I picked some up in Metropolis so I could pin newspaper articles up to figure out who was behind this, like a big conspiracy theory wall. Sure you don't wanna play, puddin'?" she purred, sliding her hand onto his shoulder and leaning down next to his ear. "You can pick the tail, and where you wanna pin it. And you can pin it anywhere," she added, licking his earlobe.
"Anywhere?" repeated Joker, turning to face her with a smile.
"Mmm hmm," said Harley, holding out the box and grinning.
He grinned back, and picked up a pin…and then stabbed it into her hand. "Now leave me alone and get back to work, you useless dame!" he snapped. "And count your blessings that I didn't stab you in the eyes like I was tempted to do, but you'll need those to see the chores you have to do. And to watch the kiddies when I'm busy like I am now. So get to it – chop chop!" he said, turning his attention back to his letter.
Harley sighed, rubbing her hand in annoyance and turning away. "Harley!" he snapped.
"What?" she demanded, turning back to him. "I'm going, just like you told me to, you ungrateful jerk!"
"Put those pins on the bed for later," he said, turning to smile at her. "I think we can have loads of fun with them tonight. And maybe you'll get stabbed by a little more than that, if you get what I'm saying."
"If I get what you're saying, I'll get stabbed by a lot more than that," said Harley with a grin. "Something a lot bigger than that anyway."
"You get what I'm saying," agreed Joker, nodding. "But then you usually do. You're not so dumb, Harley – there are times when I would even call you bright. Not often, mind you, but sometimes. That must be why I keep you around."
"Well, that and my tail," agreed Harley, smiling.
"I'll get to that later," said Joker with a grin, spanking her playfully. "I missed that, if not you, y'know."
"And you missed the kiddies," said Harley.
"Yes, and the hyenas," agreed Joker.
"Just not me, huh?" asked Harley.
"Parts of you," agreed Joker, nodding. "But not the annoying parts. Not the parts that nag when I'm trying to work. But I guess those are parts of you I'm not going to get rid of, so I might as well accept them," he sighed. "Have to take the good with the bad – that's life, I guess. And it's a good life, it really is, Harley. That's why I'm always smiling."
"You're why I'm always smiling, puddin'," said Harley, kissing him. "It just wasn't the same without you. Of course I love the kiddies and the babies, and they made me really happy, but without you, it was like a piece of my heart was missing. And I guess you can be happy with pieces of you missing, but you'll always miss them. It's like if it rained every day, like it does here in Gotham – you could still be happy living in a place like this, but you'd miss the sun. And you're my sunshine, puddin'."
Joker thought for a moment. "Sunshine is bright and burning and occasionally painful. Also fatal if you stay in it too long, what with the skin cancer and all. But at the same time it lights up the world and makes people happy. I guess I am like sunshine," he agreed, returning to his work. "And I guess you are too, Harley."
Harley beamed and left him, returning to where the children were sleeping. She curled up between the hyenas and cuddled her babies, singing them a lullaby: "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray."
She heard Joker humming along from his study and smiled as she continued, "You'll never know, dear, how much I love you, so don't take my sunshine away."
The End