Hi everyone, I have this song stuck in my head and it just fit to Eric and Tris perfectly in the following context. The song is actually performed by the wonderful punk rock artist Farin Urlaub with the title 'Niemals' (never) and I had to translate it. I hope the lyrics still convey the emotions accordingly. Even if you don't understand German I recommend to listen to the song, I just love the combination of a slow song with amazing guitar riffs!
Please tell me what you think about my first song fic ;)
I do not own Divergent or its characters and the song 'Niemals' belongs to Farin Urlaub Racing Team.
Eric was strolling towards the meeting room with his eyes to the ground, he didn't want to see anyone and no one would want him to look at them. His mood was beyond bad and when he finally looked up because he was almost there, the blood in his veins froze momentarily. Tris was in front of the door with Four all over her. Eric rolled his eyes when he kissed her one last time before turning around, "I'll see you later."
I wish I could forget you, I would love to just be able to ignore you
"You're late," Tris laughed when he passed her. Eric grunted in response even though he wished he would say something. Anything really but he was afraid of what would come out. So he went into the room where pretty much everyone was already waiting for the monthly meeting to commence. Sitting down he rubbed his face, as much as he was looking forward to them he was dreading these meetings more and more. It meant he would see her on a regular basis, sometimes even during the month. While it was soothing in a strange way he wanted to ignore how smart, nice and most of all how pretty she was.
I hope it will happen overnight, at least some day maybe
But he was forced to attend these meetings, being one of the leaders meant he had to meet the others, if he liked it or not. Stealing a glance at her he couldn't help but wonder how her long blond hair would feel like under his fingers. He cursed mentally as she was drawing his attention to the tattoo on her collar bone which was showing now prominently as she tugged her hair behind her ears. Biting his lip he tried to block out the vision of his lips grazing across the soft skin of her neck. He wished these feelings would just go away.
It will take time though
After an introduction by Max and some others reporting the status of their work Tris got up, it was her turn to tell the audience how the meetings with the other factions went and how well they worked together with Dauntless. Her hips swayed and she tugged her skirt down drawing Eric's eyes down the length of her legs. But when she turned to face them and her gaze was crossing every single person in the room he had to look away.
I try not to look at you because my gaze will betray me
Eric gritted his teeth forcing his eyes to stay on his hands. He would rather have her think he was bored out of his mind than for her to see that he was drowning in her eyes. Eyes that held compassion, yet not for him but Four, the man who surpassed him pretty much in everything and who always got what he wanted. Eric got the position as a leader but only because Four had refused. And then he even got the girl Eric had dreamed of.
I am sure that there will never be anything because there has never been anything
He looked up just in time to see her gaze move from him to Max. Heat crawled up his neck and he knew he was glaring but it was the only possible way to conceal how he longed to smile at her. Longed for her to smile at him. Craved to touch and be touched by her in the most sensual way.
I want to know how it can be that I am in cloud nine when I see you
Her gaze flickered back to Eric briefly and he thought he saw her blush. She cleared her throat and was finished with her speech. Did he just miss something? She had drawn him in, and without realizing it he had hung onto her mouth and yet he wasn't able to comprehend a single word. Tris returned to her seat, only Max was between them now and he watched her skirt move up just a little bit when she sat down. He sighed inwardly wondering how the skin on her thighs would feel like. He had to shake his head mentally, he knew it was his turn soon.
My head is so far away and it hurts to know that you don't know how I feel
Someone asked Tris a question and in her polite way she answered. And then someone else muttered his name. He looked up to see everyone looking at him expectantly. Dragging himself out of his seat he saw her watching him from the corner of her eyes as he walked past her.
I will lay my heart to your feet, please don't break it, it already suffers enough
It was his turn to present last month's numbers on the initiates' progress. His mouth moved on its own accord and he wondered whether the words were even coherent, they made sense to him when he had thought about what to say prior to the meeting. But now that he was practically standing right in front of Tris he couldn't quite sort his jumbled thoughts. He cleared his throat and stole a glance in her direction. Her eyes remained on the notebook in front of her, scribbling away and absent-mindedly brushing her fingers through her long hair.
I am sure that there will never be anything because there has never been anything
Eric saw that she wasn't looking at him and it made his scowl deepen. And why would she even look at him, after all she was with Four. He had been the cruel instructor everyone was afraid of. He had done his share to push her away. If he had ever known that his feelings towards her would someday almost suffocate him, he would have at least made a move, checked his chances.
I know you will never want anything from me and yet I dream about you
At least he could imagine she was his. He was watching her more often than not. Her smile was the sweetest he had ever seen. Even when he saw her with Four he couldn't help but travel his eyes up and down her body. He wanted to push Four away, take her away from him. He wanted to make her smile, smile for him, smile because of him. Sometimes she even smiled back but he was too caught up watching and indulging himself in his daydreams that he missed the moment he should return the gesture. She was looking up at him now, she was actually looking at him with her big green eyes and he was sure he would drown in them. He must have forgotten how to form sentences, and when she smiled at him in encouragement he stuttered out the rest of his little speech.
I cannot lose what is not mine
He couldn't imagine her smiling out of affection, it was her Abnegation side which was showing. She wasn't smiling because she liked him but because she wanted to help. He knew how nervous she was on her first day, now she seemed to think that he was too. She thought he was weak and it was the last thing he wanted. And yet he thoroughly enjoyed her attention even if it was only in these meetings. He wanted this, he wanted her to smile at him. He rolled his eyes out of habit and went back to his seat, rubbing the back of his neck he felt blood rush up to his cheeks. He felt his hopes rising and only because of her beautiful smile.
It doesn't make sense to start now but I am already in too deep
While he went back to his seat Max got up from his and sitting down Eric wondered briefly whether anyone would notice if he sat down next to Tris. He would lay his arm around her shoulders, and if Four could see them he would rage. He smirked to himself but looking up from his hands he saw her frown at him, still with a smile but it immediately wiped all emotions from his face. What would she think of him if she knew about his thoughts about her?
Not a day passes where I don't think about you with every heartbeat
She pursed her lips suppressing a grin and turned back around to face Max. He concluded the meeting with his usual words of encouragement to work together to protect the other factions and being the elite of Dauntless. He watched Tris get up brushing down her skirt. He was already looking forward to next month's meeting. He would see her then, and maybe she would talk to him then. And maybe he would be able to talk back to her.
Not a day passes, not an hour passes
She turned to him with that same radiant smile from before. Could it be that she would talk to him? He so badly wanted to hear her voice, maybe she could say his name. He would love to hear it roll over her lips. She stepped closer to him, brushing her hair shyly behind her ear.
I am thinking about you, now, right in this moment
"Um, Eric?" she murmured. There it was, it was heartbreakingly beautiful to hear his name from her. He could listen to the sound of her voice all day long. Yet his lips were sealed shut and he didn't say anything, instead he jutted his chin forward in acknowledgement.
Always and relentlessly, by day and by night
She was now right in front of him, and she was tiny compared to him. It immediately gave him a feeling of protectiveness. "I didn't quite get this month's figures. Can you please explain them to me?" she smiled sheepishly. He must have mixed something up in his haze. She stepped even closer to peer at the sheet of paper in his hand he noticed he was gripping tightly. The faint scent of her perfume invaded his nostrils and he mentally kicked himself. Words were failing him, sweat was breaking out on his forehead and he felt as though every little gesture by her was meant for him.
What's wrong with me, what are you doing to me?
He nodded and cleared his throat, his mouth had suddenly run dry. Her small hand touched his in an innocent gesture to turn the page so she could look at the numbers herself. Everyone else had left the room and she was so close to him that her shoulder touched his upper arm, the softness of her skin sending tingles up and down his spine. When he was done explaining he looked down at her. Her hand remained on his and she was looking up at him, they were mere inches apart and taking another deep breath he saw her lips curl up into an even broader smile. The beauty of it alone made him smile back without hesitation this time. He wished she just used the report as an excuse to be close to him. He wished he wasn't frozen in place, that he would be able to show his affection clearly to her. If it wasn't for the fact that he was completely unsure about her feelings towards him, he would be leaning down now, capturing her lips with his own. And he could have gotten lost in the moment if it wasn't for someone clearing their throat. They both looked up to see Four standing in the doorway. Eric saw Tris' smile falter for a split second before she sighed and with yet another agonizingly beautiful smile she thanked him. She didn't go away immediately, biting her bottom lip she stole another glance at Eric, not his eyes this time. Usually she looked into his eyes. Now before she went over to Four her eyes lingered on Eric's lips for a fleeting moment. Yet she left to go with Four. She left Eric confused and bitter, he sighed annoyed with himself that he had blown yet another chance to show her how he felt for her. Maybe next time, though Eric feared he would never get as close to Tris as today. It wasn't meant to be, they were never meant to be.
I know that there will never be anything because there has never been anything