Harry Potter Goes to Hawaii
Harry looked in the mirror. His flower-printed shirt, lei, flip-flops, ukulele, straw-hat, sunglasses, beach-towel, and plethora of necessary-to-mention accessories which all enrich the quality of this story, indicated he was about to embark on a journey through a badly written fanfiction. It checks off each box of unprofessional things fanfictions are required to do, so you might learn.
"Isn't it brilliant that Hagrid was able to get us these plane tickets to Hawaii?" Harry asked Ron, who was conveniently there, since he spent all his time around the main character even when he wasn't at school.
"Yeah, and that he just so happened to have three," said Hermione, entering the room. The frizzy-haired, buck-toothed, know-it-all, brainy nerd (I didn't feel like typing 'she') said.
The red-head, freckle-faced carrot-top smiled and stared at her. All he ever thought about was being in love with Hermione. "Me too. And, I always wanted to go on a plane, to see how the muggles travel."
"The Dursleys never let me go on a plane," said Harry in deep depression, seizing the opportunity to be dramatic about his past. His eyes got a distant look as he thought about how abusive they had been to him.
Hermione snapped him out of his melodrama: "We have to make sure we fit in with the muggles," she said bossily. ('Bossily' to ensure you know she is indeed bossy, in case you forgot. I'll tack on handy-dandy redundant adverbs to assure you this is an authentic fanfiction.) "So don't go wearing just anything. You'll have to change out of those robes, Ron, or the muggles will stare."
"Bloody hell," said the red-head, freckle-faced carrot-top sidekick, using his catch-phrase, to get the depths of his character into the story. "I don't have any proper muggle clothes, Hermione."
"Don't worry Ron," said Harry, pulling a T-shirt out of his trunk. "You can borrow one of my muggle outfits."
Soon enough we're ready for another fashion-show paragraph, as Ron examined himself in a long blue T-shirt, navy denim jeans that came to his feet, white sneakers, black jacket, white socks that came to his ankles, gold watch, and sombrero. "I look great," he said. "Now I will fit in properly."
At the airport, Harry, Ron and Hermione blended in and no one made any comments on their outfits.
"Gee, muggles sure are interesting," said the orange-haired one excitedly, staring at a vending machine. "I want to buy one of those muggle fizzy drinks, Fred and George might be really jealous."
"But we haven't got any muggle money, Ron," said Harry depressedly. "Er, wait, I know a trick, actually. Sometimes, if you look underneath the flap, there's some change somebody left."
"We better hurry up," The brown-haired nerd warned bossily. "The plane's leaving shortly."
"Shut up, Hermione!" the two best-friends yelled, which was pretty inline with their characters.
Hermione huffed off, mumbling about catching the plane with or without them.
"No change in here," said the raven-haired, scar-headed orphan pessimistically. "Hey, a penny."
"Can I have it?" asked the freckle-headed lad enthusiastically, since he was poor. The raven-haired Harry tossed it to him.
"Hang on, Ron, did you see which way Hermione went?"
Ron was too busy admiring the penny, and Harry realized they were lost.
"! #! !" said Harry, sounding exactly like himself. It is necessary to have at least one curse word in every fanfiction, to add to the professionalism. "We're lost now, don't you see? Hermione is the only one who knows anything, so how can we find our way to the plane?"
"Oh no," said Ron distressedly. "What will we do without Hermione? I mean, she's always the smart one. Hermione is so smart and great and betifu…" he broke off like he was in a corny sitcom genre. But for some reason Harry didn't hear, even though he was just a couple feet away, so it all worked out. "I meant to say, I hope she's not lost too."
"C'mon, I think the plane was this way somewhere," said Harry annoyedly. "Try not to bump into anyone else with your sombrero."
As they wandered the crowd it became necessary to reminisce about something in the books, that nobody felt like reading since there is no point in having it retold to you, but worse. (Might also be a good place to paste irrelevant song lyrics).
"Look! It's Hermione!" said the dumb one, pointing to her characterisitally bushy, frizzy brown mophead that stood out in the crowd familiarly and endearingly. At the sound of their voices, Hermione spun around, making her hula skirt twirl.
"There you are," she said bossily, rolling her eyes. (Sorry I didn't make anyone roll their eyes sooner, I will add it at least six more times before this chapter is over, no fear.)
"I thought I was going to get on the plane without you," the bookworm rolled her eyes.
"Well we caught up now, didn't we?" said the raven-haired, scar-headed orphan annoyedly, rolling his eyes.
"Everyone board the plane now, we're leaving," said a speaker, rolling its eyes.
Soon enough the trio of friends sat in the plane, heading to their destination.
"I can't wait to arrive," said Ron hopefully, pressing his face against the window, taking in all the muggle phenomena. This was hard with a sombrero.
"Yep, we'll have to make Hagrid a thank you card for getting us these tickets," said the bossy girl. "You guys are going to remember, aren't you?" she rolled her eyes.
"Shut up, Hermione," groaned the two very best friends unhappily, rolling their eyes.
"Hermione, do you still have that time-turner? We should use it as a convenient plot-device to skip this plane ride."
"Sure," said Hermione, who still had it with no repercussions.
The three friends appeared on a beach.
*insert purple prose about the beach*
Harry fainted.
"Bloody hell, I didn't expect that to happen at some point in the story," said the best friend. Tears streamed down his face, for this was a dramatic moment and none of them would ever be the same.
"All the good times we had..."
"Wait, guys, I'm actually okay. I just had to do that quickly, for the melodrama."
"Oh, okay," said the red-head moppet. Then he gasped.
Hermione had uncharacteristically changed into an immodest bathing suit. In fanfictions, characters can never retain any values, as a rule.
"Wow, that immodest bathing suit looks really hot and amazing," said the orange-head.
"Yeah, immodest clothes look really good on you," said the glasses-wearing orphan.
"Thanks boys," said Hermione bossily.
"Do you think this is a disappointing enough place to end the story?" asked the weasel-like red-head curiously.
"What d'you mean?" inquired the black-haired boy inquiringly.
"If this is to be a proper fanfiction, the author has to end on a disappointing note and be too lazy to finish the story they never took any pride in in the first place. The fanfiction just kind of floats around cyberspace, waiting to disappoint the three people who might find it and actually get to this part someday."
"Oh. Yeah, probably," the scar-head agreed decidedly. "On this note it'll be just what everyone expects out of a fanfiction."
Hi guys, I'm going to over explain everything I wrote and I'm definitely going to finish this someday after my exams/Christmas/birthday/Easter. I worked really hard on this chapter, hope you enjoy! Please comment: "Wow! Are you JK Rowling?" Thank you.