This is my first story so if it's trash... oh well.
Soooooooo, this is basically Harry Potter snorting crack. This is completely random I don't even know what to write but I'm just going along with whatever comes to mind. So if shit gets offensive... oh well.
This shit is gay as fuck, so if you a problem...oh well.
There will be some mistakes... oh well.
This will be set during the 20th and 21st century just because I want it to.
If I owned Harry Potter everybody would be smoking weed together. EVERYBODY's getting high. And I mean EVERYBODY.
Summary: The bitch ass Dursley's didn't even bother bringing Harry Potter in their home they drove him to an orphanage thinking he was going to be treated like dirt. Too bad he gets adopted not long after by an American couple. He grows up in Brooklyn, New York with a family who loves the hell out of him. But when it's time for him to go to hogwarts the truth comes out. The Dursley's fucked up.
WARNING: Language
ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ
October 31, 2003
"Are we doing the right thing?", Minerva Mcgonagall said, as she walked in pace with an old man.
"Of course we are, Minerva, he will live a great life with a family that loves him.", Albus Dumbledoor said smiling at the woman.
"Are you sure about that? I've been watching them for a while. Albus, they are horrible people. I don't think this is a good idea.", Minerva said, stating facts.
"I assure you Minerva he will be fine. This is all for the greater good.", The old man said.
"If you say so."
Years ago a troubled boy grew up in an orphanage not knowing who his parents were or if they were even alive. He a very smart and beautiful boy. He exceeded in his classes. He could talk to snakes. He was charming. Like *Ted Bundy charming. He wanted to be immortal so bad he killed thousands of people just to get there. Years later the same man barged into a home to kill a baby. Psychotic, right? He killed the father first and wanted to spare the mother but she wouldn't get the fuck out the way so she had to die. He attempted to killed beautiful boy but it didn't work out because when he shot out the killing curse that bitch bounced back and melted his hoe ass. The boy was hailed The Boy-Who-Lived cause his ass didn't wanna die.
ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ
Petunia Dursley's horrified scream could be heard through out the neighborhood, waking everyone up out of their slumber and pissing them off in the process.
"What the fuck is that bitch screaming for?"
"The fuck is wrong with her?"
"What in God's name?"
"If she don't shut the fuck up."
"The fuck is going on?"
"She always screaming and shit like shut the fuck up."
"What the hell?"
"I'm going to kill this hoe."
"BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP! ITS 3 IN THE DAMN MORNING AND YOU'RE SCREAMING!! SHUT UP!!!"
Petunia paid these comments no mind as she stared at the beautiful baby boy that was sleeping in the basket on her doorstep. He had a strange lightning bolt scar on his forehead.
'The fuck?', The giraffe thought. She saw that there was a piece of paper sticking out from under the blanket. Petunia was careful when grabbing for the paper, afraid of touching the child.
"VERNON!!", She screamed once again.
"Is this bitch on drugs?"
"What is she screaming for?"
"They gotta be fucking!"
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
"Where is my *glock?"
A big ass whale looking man wobbled down the stares looking like a panicking pig.
"What's wro-", Vernon cut himself off when he saw the beautiful child on their doorstep.
Petunia handed him the note that explained what this child was doing on their door step.
"He's a freak!", Vernon shouted, disgusted with himself for admiring the thing.
"Get rid of it", the ostrich said, backing away from the baby.
"Anything for you, love" the rhinoceros said, grabbing his car keys.
Vernon ran the short distance to his car with the basket that contained the baby. He threw the basket in the back seat like there wasn't a baby in the basket and got in the car out of breath. He sped out into the night towards the farthest orphanage from his home.
He was driving for over 2 hours when St Peters Orphanage came to view. Vernon sat in the car for a few minutes wondering about what he should do. Until he decided to write a note. He grabbed the boy and laid him on the concrete doorstep of the orphanage. The whale was surprised the boy didn't wake up yet. He was stuck on whether he should knock on the door and (attempt to) run or to just leave him out in the cold until someone opened the door. The elephant went with the latter and left the boy where he was. He hopped in his car, making it sink down, and drove back home believing shit was going to be sweet.
ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ
"EVERYONE WAKE UP! SLEEP TIME IS OVER! TIME TO GET THESE CHORES DONE AND OVER WITH!"
Children all ages scrambled to get ready for a new day, thankful Madam Suzy seemed to be in a good mood today.
"Good morning Madam Suzy, I hope you had a wonderful sleep" a rather peppy woman that worked along side Madam Sluzy and 6 other women that had "love" for children.
"Get out of my face Christine." The wrinkly biever said.
"Of course Madam Suzy." Christine said, skipping away.
The sound of glass shattering drew Madam Sluzy's attention towards the kitchen.
The children that caused this heard her heals clicking their way and wanted to haul ass but had no where to go. A few of them suggested the window but it was too late.
"WHAT IN GODS NAME?"
There goes her good mood or what seemed like a bad mood to the outside world.
Christine could here the cries of the children as they received their punishment for a little mistake.
"Isn't she being a bit harsh?" She asked another care giver, Katherine, she worked with.
"Why would it be harsh?" Katherine asked.
"It's was obviously an accident, why does it require a punishment for a little mistake?" Christine asked.
"Look, Christine, I know you are knew to this child care thing but you need to understand that this is what happens when you make even the smallest mistake. It's not just to spite them it's so they won't do it again." Katherine said.
"That doesn't make any sense. How does a beating stop them from dropping glass again?" Christine asked, confused.
"They'll be more careful, won't they?" Katherine said walking away, chuckling.
'I oughta slap her Sandy Cheeks lookin ass' Christine thought.
Christine is the youngest of all 8 of them, pushing 30 years, so she wasn't used to the "old school ways" since she was raised to never lay a hand on anyone unless provoked. She didn't understand their logic when it comes to their punishments and consequences. She had a beating when she was 8 for calling an elder a "fucking bitch" but never for accidentally breaking glass.
Christine decided she needed fresh air and she opened the front door to find a child in a basket on the doorstep. A note was laying over the child's blanket.
'Harry James Potter, July 31, 2002
Do your worst'
"What the fuck?" Christine said, as she picked up the child.
"What you got there, Christine?" Another care giver, Chelsea, asked.
Christine handed Chelsea the note and took the child upstairs. "Go get Madam Slu- I mean Suzy for me." She said as walked in the room to see Cheryl, another care giver, watching the toddlers.
"Why?" She asked as she stared at the unknown beautiful boy in Christine's arms.
"You see why. Go" Christine demanded as she sat the boy down who was just waking up.
As his he opened his eyes Christine was immediately drawn to the boys mesmerizing green eyes. That could literally suck someone's soul out. Christine was staring into his eyes for so long she didn't even notice all of the care givers enter the room.
"He's so beautiful" Elizabeth said.
"What is his name?" Heather asked.
"Harry. Harry James Potter." Christine said, finally getting herself together.
"Why is he so quiet?" Chelsea asked.
"He isn't normal." Madam Suzy said. "There is something definitely wrong with him"
"How could you say that Madam Suzy. He's a one year old boy with beautiful eyes that was left on our doorstep and that makes him abnormal?" Christine said, crossing her arms.
"Watch your tone with me, missy" Madam Suzy said, "his family is obviously wealthy look at his blanket."
It was a royal blue silk blanket with his initials printed in big bold letters H.J.P.
"That makes him abnormal?" Christine asked.
"I suppose not but there is something about this child, I don't know what it is but it is definitely something." Katherine said.
"I agree" Madam Suzy said.
"He scares me. He's not making a sound." Chelsea added.
"He must have had terrible relatives" Elizabeth said, "the note said 'do your worst'. What does that even mean?"
"I know exactly what it means." Madam Suzy said, smirking.
ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ
The other care givers ignored Harry like the plague, afraid of whatever is "wrong" with him. The care givers had the other children avoiding Harry too. Some are even picking on him just because they were told not to like him.
Harry didn't pay them any mind, in fact he doesn't even say a word, he hasn't said a word to anyone. He other children think he's "creepy" because of this. It's not that he doesn't say anything at all its just that he doesn't speak to anyone he feels that are a threat to him. That is everyone in the orphanage excluding Christine.
Christine was the only one who cared for him, believing he was an angel sent from heaven because of his beautiful looks.
Christine had Harry freshened up knowing he would be adopted. She knew the other care givers would try to stop Harry from having a good life so she tried her best to give as much love as possible if/when he gets adopted.
"Everything will be alright, little bird." Christine told Harry, as she tickled him. "You'll find you a family that will love you and will take care of you."
Harry laughed and threw his head back.
"You are so adorable! I just wanna take you home with me and give yo-"
"CHRISTINE! While you are caring for this one and only child like there aren't other children who need your attention. This house will be filled with people who want families, if you don't get your act together you will be gone. Go help the children clean the kitchen." Madam Suzy said.
"Sorry, Madam Suzy." Christine said, picking Harry up and putting him in his crib. Before she left she whispered to him, "I'll be back, little bird."
The other children were tired from all of the extra chores they had to do around the house. Couples and families looking to adopted children were coming later. So the building had to be spotless and they had to act like they loved the place when these people came.
Madam Suzy was in a bad mood today, the children didn't want to make her upset even more than she already was. It didn't matter what they did, one little mistake and they would be punished severely, no matter If families were looking to adopt them. All of the care givers were giving the kids a hard time.
But through all the commotion through out the big house they didn't hear the commotion outside.
"Marcel I told your ass not to fucking wear that ugly ass shirt. Don't no child wanna go near your Sheen Estevez face ass lookin like this. Dummy." A women's voice was heard from outside. She had a strange accent.
"Joder, dios mío! My abuela said this shirt was adorable! You're just hater, my girl." A man, Marcel, said. He also had a strange accent.
"Yeah right before she backhanded you and called you stupid. She was trying to say stop asking her dumb questions. Fuckin idiot."
"Yo, Sade, stop getting reckless with me out here! You feel me? Tryna act out because we in London. Chill the fuck out." Marcel said.
"Who the fuck are you talking to you busted carebare looking mothafucka! Stick pole built ass bitch and you look like a fucking llama with that retarded ass shirt on, my guy." Sade said.
"Girl don't make me get on your winged RAT lookin ass out here tryna be li-" Marcel was cut off by the door of the orphanage opening.
A old ass chipmunk stood in the doorway lookin mad as fuck.
"May I help you?" She asked in a boujie voice, staring at which she assumed were Americans from their accents.
"We here to adopt some kids the fuck it lo-" Sade was cut off by Marcel stepping on her foot.
"I apologize about her, hormones, you know how it is. My name is Marcel Martínez and this is my wife Sade Martínez. We are here to take a child home with us." Marcel said.
"Well my name is Madam Suzy and we don't exactly open until 9-"
"Girl boo, it's 8:46, open the door." Sade said, as she pushed passed the boujie hoe.
"Excuse me!" The boujie hoe said as she was pushed aside.
"Where are all the kids?" Sade asked as she looked around the living room.
"In a moment." The boujie hoe said smiling. Obviously fake. She walked out the room.
"Ever since we been here in London. We ain't seen nothing but boujie ass bitches. I'm sick of being here. When we get us a kid we going back to America. I can't stand it here." Sade said, sitting down on the leather couch.
"Chill out, *B, we ain't gon' be here long." Marcel said.
Suddenly Madam Sluzy walked in and behind her were a bunch of kids from oldest to youngest, in a single file line. Some children went to play with toys and some of the older children went and sat down or went to the book shelf.
"Age?" Some lady with graying red hair asked them.
"What?" Sade asked, irritated.
"I apologize, my name is Elizabeth Wells I was asking..." Sade stopped listening to her as she watched a young women that looked a few years older than her walk in with a beautiful boy with messy black hair and captivating green eyes that you could get lost in. The women sat the kid in a play pin and watched him eight a smile on his face.
"Sade! Are you even listening?" Marcel asked her, tapping her shoulder.
"Marcie, look over there by the doorway." Sade told him. Marcel looked at the doorway to see what his wife was referring too and he was lost for words. "Him. He's the one."
"Oh you wouldn't want him. He's a bit of trouble maker and he's kind of weird. He just doesn't say anything. He doesn't make any noise any sound affects. The other children don't really like him, he-" Sade cut Elizabeth off by putting a hand to her face and walking towards the woman and child.
Christine looked away from Harry to see a beautiful brown skin woman and a man with a lot of tattoos coming towards them. Christine smiles at them.
"Hi, I'm Christine. How may I help you." Christine said, smile never faltering.
"Wassup, who's this?" The brown skin woman asked. The tattooed man nudged her.
"My name is Marcel and this is my wife Sade. She's taken a liking to this kid." Marcel said.
"Of course! This is Harry. He is new, just got here just a few weeks ago. The the children and the other care givers tend to ignore him for whatever reason. He w-"
"We want him." Sade said, smiling at Harry.
"What about getting to know the other kids?" Marcel said.
"Fuck them kids. We want this one." Sade said going to play with Harry.
"I apologize about her rude behavior, she is pretty blunt." Marcel told Christine.
"It's fine, I'm used to the rudeness from the women I work with. But your wife is somewhat adorable. So what makes you want to adopt." Christine said, still smiling.
"Sade grew up in abusive foster homes and decided she wanted to help as many kids as possible." Marcel said.
"Well isn't that amazing." Christine said, still smiling. She hasn't stopped.
"Do you know his full name?" Sade asked. Tickling Harry's belly, making him squeal and laugh.
"Harry James Potter." Christine said, smiling a the duo.
"Harry? Just Harry? The fuck is a Harry. It's not short for anything?." Sade said, *mugging Christine.
"SADE!" Marcel shouted.
"What? I'm just saying!" Sade said defending herself.
"Nope, not that I know of. On the note it just said his name and his birth date." Christine said. Her face don't hurt? The fuck she so happy for?
"No? Not Harrison? Harold? Henry? Harris? Hadri-HADRIAN!! That's his name!" Sade said.
"He isn't even ours yet, Sade!" Marcel said.
"That can be arranged." Christine said.
"Well lets have it arranged." Sade said.
"I don't think that is a good idea." Madam Suzy said from behind them. They all whipped around. Sade *posted up like someone was about to run up on her. Christine finally stopped smiling.
"And why the fuck not?" Marcel said, crossing his arms.
"He isn't well. He-"
"Don't lie." Sade said, standing up with Harry in her arms.
"I'm not lying. That is absurd." Madam Suzy said, acting appalled
"Girl bye, I was born and raised in the slumps of Bronx, New York you think I can't tell who is a liar when I see one?" Sade said, scrunching her face up in a "fuck you mean" face.
"And that just makes us want him even more." Marcel said, smirking. He looked at Christine. "What we gotta do?"
Christine smiled at him. "Great! Right this way." She lead Mr. and Mrs. Martínez our of the showing room.
They did the shit they needed to do. The signed the shit they needed to sign. The payed the shit the needed to pay. They cussed out (some of) the people they needed to cuss out. (But they don't know that yet) Whatever they was supposed to do, they did it. (Cause I don't fuckin know)
It made Christine happy that Harry, now Hadrian, got adopted so quickly. She was happy that he seemed to like his new parents even if they were intimidating sometimes.
The care givers were acting funny style while aiding the new parents like they didn't want a good life for Hadrian. Oh well. Bitches.
Christine hugged the family goodbye and wished them good fortune on their journey. As she closed the front door she knew she was going to receive hell but it didn't matter to her.
"Ok Hadrian, my name is Marcel but you can call me Marcie, Mari, Marmar or even daddy if that's ok with you because if it's not that's totally fine because you don't know us and we don't know you but we cou-" Marcel was cut off by Sade as he was trying to make sure Hadrian was comfortable in the back seat.
"Marcel! Shut the fuck up! He's a year old he don't know what the fuck you talking bout! Anyways. Hadrian I'm gonna be your new mommy. We will love you and spoil the hell out of you." Sade told Hadrian from the passenger seat, reaching back to pinch his cheeks. "Wait till momma sees him, she ain't neva gonna let him go."
"Girl sit back." Marcel said, starting the car.
From the rest of the ride from the orphanage to the hotel. Sade played Before I Let You Go by Frankie Beverly and Maze on repeat.
"Before I let you gooooooOOOoooOOOOOooooOOoooo! Ooooohhh! I will neva neva neva neva NEVA neva NEVA neva let you go before I gooo!" Sade sang. Marcel looked at her like she had three heads.
But Hadrian just laughed and sang along with her.
ᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛᴘᴇʀɪᴏᴅᴛ
And that's the first chapter. Ass right? I know. And ima keep writing too.
*Ted Bundy: a psychotic serial killer and necrophile who kidnapped, raped and murdered young women and girls during the 70s and most likely earlier.
*Glock: type of hand gun
*Mugging: mean mugging; giving a dirty look
*Post up: getting ready to fight
Sade; Shah-day
She is an African-American woman
Marcel; Mar-sell
He is a Hispanic man (Puerto Rican)
Just clearing that up for the people that are confused.
If anyone has any questions just ask and review and shit like that.