Jennie

Lisa shut down again. She's been doing that a lot lately. A few weeks ago, I thought we were making progress. She told me about that call from Somi's sister and opened up to me about the guilt she still feels over what happened that night. But since then, she hasn't told me much. Whenever the topic of the accident comes up, or anything related to it, she shuts down.

She's just like Mino that way. I can't even ask Mino a question about the night he lost his leg. He shuts down whenever the topic comes up, like Lisa did just now.

"I missed you last night," Lisa says, leaning in to kiss me as her hand grips my ass, sliding me closer.

"Lisa, there are people right outside."

"Who are drunk off their asses and don't give a shit what we're doing in here."

"But—"

She quiets me with her lips, then her tongue, as her hand slides up my thigh, under my dress.

So I guess we're done talking. Lisa was right. We can't just talk when we're in bed together.

We do it, but keep it quick, then go back out to the party. People are now paired up, making out on the patio and on the lawn furniture. There's a girl for every guy and it makes me wonder if Jackson planned that or if it just worked out that way.

Irene is with Jackson, straddling his lap, grinding against his crotch while she kisses him. It's something they should be doing in private, not out here on the patio, but both of them seem too drunk to care.

"Maybe I'll just toss some sleeping bags out here and everyone can stay the night," Lisa says, assessing the scene.

"You have sixteen sleeping bags?"

"No, but some of these people are drunk enough that I could probably give them a towel and they'd think it's a sleeping bag."

"I think it's better if I take them home."

"Let's take the liquor inside." She goes to gather the bottles from the patio table. "They'll sober up if this isn't around."

When we get to the kitchen, she starts emptying what's left in each bottle, pouring it down the drain.

"You staying with me tonight?" Lisa asks as I dump the empty bottles into the recycle bin.

"Probably not. But I can stop by here tomorrow if you want."

"Stay with me." She takes a bottle from my hand and places it on the counter. "I like it when you sleep with me."

"I like it too but I don't want it to become a habit."

"Why not?"

"Because school's starting soon and you need to get back to your routine."

"What routine? When school starts, I'll go to bed and get up, just like I do now. Nothing's gonna change, Jennie. I'll still want you beside me every night."

As much as I want to believe her, I don't. I know things will change once school starts. Her classes, friends, and football will occupy all her time. And I don't want to see her only at night. Only for sex. The sex is great but if we keep dating beyond the summer, I'll eventually want more than that. I already do want more than that, but I keep telling myself I don't because I know this isn't going to last.

"Will you stay?" Lisa asks as she kisses my neck. She knows I get weak when she does that. I'll agree to most anything.

"Okay, I'll stay," I tell her.

She looks at me and smiles. "That was easy."

"Don't get used to it. That's not going to work forever."

"We'll see about that." She smirks, then goes to kiss me but my phone rings.

I check to see who's calling. It's Tricia. Why the hell would she call me? She knows I can't stand her after what she did to Mino.

"I have to get this," I say to Lisa, then I answer the call. "What do you want?" I don't bother being polite. She doesn't deserve that.

"Jennie, it's Tricia. How have you been?"

Is she serious? She's acting like we're friends. We've never been friends. Even when she dated Mino, I didn't like her. I was only nice to her for Mino's sake.

"Why are you calling me? I don't want to talk to you and neither does Mino."

"Jennie, you don't understand. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't handle—"

"If you love someone, you learn to handle it." I bite out the words, furious with her and the fact that she's trying to justify what she did, as if it was somehow okay.

"It's more complicated than that. You don't know what he was like when he got back. It was like he was someone else."

"He was injured and dealing with what happened that night. And I do know what he was like because I went to live with him right after you left."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I live with him now. We share an apartment, not that it's any of your business."

"I didn't know." Her voice quiets to almost a whisper. "He hasn't talked to me since I left."

"Have you called him?"

"A few times. I've left messages but he won't call me back."

Mino didn't tell me that, probably because he knows it would make me mad. I'm surprised he told me about that text she sent.

"He doesn't want to talk to you. He's trying to move on."

"Does he have someone else?"

"You don't get to know that. You don't get to know anything about him. You left him, which means you don't get to know about his life anymore."

"I just want to talk to him. We were together all those years and then—"

"And then you walked out on him. And he's finally moving on so you need to leave him alone. He's been through enough. He doesn't need you coming back into his life."

"Jennie, please. Just ask him to call me."

"I'm not doing that. And you need to stop calling him. And me. Leave us alone." I hang up on her.

"Who was that?" Lisa asks.

"Tricia. Mino's ex-fiancé. She took off right after he moved here. He'd been in the hospital for months and when he finally got out, he moved in with her and a few weeks later she took off."

"Shit, that's harsh."

"That's Tricia. She only cares about herself."

"So that's why you moved in with him? Because she left?"

"He needed someone to help take care of him and he needed money. He couldn't pay rent." I glance at the clock. It's almost midnight. "I need to get home and talk to Mino. Let's go load the drunk people in the van."

"They can just sleep it off. I took their keys and we took away the alcohol. In a few hours, they'll sober up. If not, they can crash on the lawn."

"Lisa, really, I don't mind taking people home."

"I'll go make the offer and see what they say." We go outside and Lisa shuts the music off and says, "Party's over. If you want to go home, Jennie will drop you off. Otherwise, you're crashing here for the night. Nobody's driving drunk."

Everyone ignores her. They're too busy making out to care.

"Guess they're staying," she says to me. "So you coming back after you talk to Mino?"

"No. I'm gonna stay at my place tonight."

"Okay." She kisses me. "Call me when you get home so I know you made it."

"Okay."

I hurry home and find Mino and Rosé snuggled up on the couch, watching TV.

"Hey," I say, announcing myself.

"Hey," Mino says, looking back at me. "You're actually sleeping here tonight?"

"Hi, Jennie," Rosé says, smiling at me. I don't even know her and I already like her better than Tricia.

"Hi. So, um...Mino, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I should get going," Rosé says to him. "I have to be up early for work."

"Yeah, okay." He walks her to the door. I hide in the kitchen as he tells her goodbye.

"So what's going on?" Mino asks, joining me at the kitchen table. "You have a fight with Lisa?"

"No. But I was just over there and while I was there, Tricia called."

His body stiffens and he sits up straighter. "What did she want?"

"She said she's been calling you. Leaving you messages. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you didn't need to know, and I knew telling you would just upset you."

"You didn't call her back, right?"

"I was going to, but no. I decided not to."

"Well, she's not giving up. She called to ask if I'd talk you into calling her back."

"Why? What does she have to say?"

"She wants to know how you're doing. I told her it's none of her business and then I told her to leave you alone." I look him in the eye. "You can't call her. I know you want to, but you just need to ignore her. She had her chance with you and she blew it. And in the process she ruined my—" I stop, wishing I hadn't said that.

"Ruined your life," Mino mutters, looking down the table.

"No, that's not what I meant. I just—"

"It's okay. I know what Tricia did changed your plans. That's the main reason why I won't call her. I can handle her hurting me, but the fact that this ended up involving you, ruining your life, pisses me off. I'm having a hard time forgiving her for that."

"It didn't ruin my life. It just changed the course of it for awhile. And I'm okay with that."

Actually, I'm not okay with it but I'm not letting Mino take any of the blame for this. I'm not letting him feel guilty. My having to leave nursing school and move here is all because of Tricia and what she did. It's not Mino's fault.

"What else did she say?"

"That was it. I didn't give her a chance to say anymore. I hung up on her."

"Jennie," he says, shaking his head. "You could've at least said goodbye."

"Why? She doesn't deserve a goodbye. She didn't give you one. She just left." I pause. "Promise me you won't call her."

"I won't." He doesn't look at me as he says it, his eyes going to the salt shaker that's between us. He picks it up and taps it lightly on the table.

"Mino, I mean it. Don't call her. You have Rosé now. You don't need Tricia. You never did. She was never right for you."

"Rosé and I aren't serious."

"You're not?"

"No." He sets the salt shaker down. "We're both getting over people. She was engaged too. The guy got cold feet and took off right before the wedding."

"But you've been spending the night there. I thought it was getting serious."

"We're comforting each other. Meeting each other's needs. That's all it is. I mean, I like her. I like her a lot. But I can't be in a serious relationship with her, or anyone, when part of me is still hung up on Tricia."

"Why can't you just let her go?" I raise my voice, my anger building. I'm angry at Tricia, and angry at my brother for still having feelings for her. "Mino, she treated you like shit. How can you feel anything for her after that?"

"I was with her since high school. I know we spent some time apart but, still, she was my first love, and I was hers. I'd planned to have a life with her. A family. And then she was gone. You don't just get over that in a few months."

"Tricia did."

He looks down.

"Mino, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just trying to be honest. She took off when you needed her the most. That tells you what kind of person she is. You're better off without her. There's no use hanging onto those feelings."

"It's not that simple. If you ever break up with someone you love, you'll see it's not that easy to get over them."

His comment makes me think of Lisa. If we break up, how will I feel? I don't want to think about it so maybe that's my answer. It would hurt. A lot. And I'd miss her. So I don't want to think about it.

I'm starting to understand how Mino feels. I've only dated Lisa for a little over a month but the thought of losing her has me feeling anxious and sad. Mino was with Tricia for years, so yeah, it's gotta be tough, even if their break-up was for the best.

I know this thing with Lisa won't last so what am I doing? Why do I keep getting closer to her? I'm only setting myself up to be hurt.

"Do you ever wish you'd never met her?" I ask.

"Tricia?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you'd never met her, you could've dated other people all those years. Found someone better."

He shakes his head. "Life doesn't work that way. You can't avoid being hurt. It's a part of falling in love. It's a risk you have to take. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Look at Rosé and me. We're both hurting right now but we haven't given up on love. We've both accepted that our last relationships just weren't meant to be. At this point, we're not ready to fall in love again but it could happen without us even knowing it. That's how it works. You meet someone, and over time you develop feelings. It isn't planned and you can't stop it. At the time, I thought Tricia was the one, and we had a lot of good years. I don't regret being with her."

"I don't want to be hurt like that."

"Like I said, you can't avoid it." He pauses, his eyes on me. "You love Lisa, don't you?"

I let out a laugh. "No. We're just dating for the summer. That's it."

"She's ending it after the summer? She told you that?"

"No. I told HER that. She wants us to keep dating."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because it has to end. Once she's back in school, she won't have time for me."

"If she wants to be with you, she'll make time."

"Maybe, but it'll never work. We're both heading in different directions."

"You'll make it work if it's what you both want."

"I'm not sure I want it."

"Why? Because you're afraid of getting hurt?"

I sit back in my chair. "How did this turn into a conversation about me? It's supposed to be about you." I check the clock. "It's late. I need to get to bed."

"Then go to bed." He smiles. "We'll talk about how much you love Lisa some other time."

I laugh. "I don't love her."

"You think you'll get married here or somewhere else? This isn't really our home so—"

"Okay, stop," I say, still laughing. "I am not in love with Lisa and I am definitely not marrying her."

"Stranger things have happened," he says as I walk away.

Me marry Lisa? Why would Mino even say that? He knows I have no interest in getting married. Not after seeing what happened to my dad. He devoted his life to my mom and then she just took off. Just like Tricia. At least Tricia took off before the marriage.

After witnessing those relationship disasters, I've decided I'm fine being single my whole life. Or maybe I'll live with someone. But marriage? No way.