TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of depression, self harm, and suicide throughout this story. Please read at your own risk.
Trapped, that's how Miles Dakota felt today. The grey fox watched raindrops race down the window pane against a dreary sky. The muted color matched both the boy's fur and his mood as he slouched in his chair. His cell phone was silent as he almost seemed too bored to listen to his music playlist. He sighed as he adjusted his elbow and muttered to himself longingly.
"One day, I'm getting the hell out of here."
The boy hated the orphanage he lived at, known as Greypaw's Home for Cubs. It was an old, repurposed apartment complex with 20-something-odd children, both predator and prey alike. Miles was indifferent towards or avoided them as much as possible. Most of the children were younger, around six through ten years, some were Miles' age or a bit older, and very few were approaching sixteen or seventeen. All of them were the same. All of them were normal.
Miles was very much unlike them all. Not because he dressed in all black, dyed his hair teal and wore dark makeup, not in his music taste, or not even because he was transgender. He was just...different. This was a crime that the world told him was of utmost offense. He hated how life had treated him, so he chose to not give it any more chances to hurt him. No friends, no family, and no hope. Miles was completely alone, and that's just the way he liked it.
The young vulpine tried to ignore his peers on the matter of being different, but they didn't help at all in forgetting. He implied feelings of gender dysphoria and lack of the will to carry on living to his caretakers only for them to neglect the notion entirely. This whole thing to be a phase that he would grow out of for them and was "just how teenagers are." He never bothered with the younger ones, they would never remember him when they left. The only one who actually seemed to feel anything other than apathy towards him, or let alone used his preferred pronouns, was Jonah, a large stocky lion about three years his senior who lived across the hall with his little brother Theo, who was about seven. He was the only one who he officially came out to 8 months into knowing. Miles wanted out of Greypaw's as soon as possible, but due to his own slip-up that was not an option.
Miles was not cooped up here by choice, no, but as instructed by one of his caretakers. Typically the children here were allowed to go where they pleased as long as they returned by a scheduled time, and only if accompanied by a guardian or older child. The boy often snuck out to feel alive of freedom and joy, but he was always carted back home by officers of the Zootopia Police Department after recklessly getting himself caught last night. He received only a scolding and was grounded for a week, which were actions that ultimately did not deter him. The grey fox's gaze into the void of a sky was broken as the door to Jonah's room creaked open. Jonah entered the room adjacent to Miles and slugged his backpack to the ground, followed by the voice of a young bear woman, one of the caretakers. She spoke in dulcet tones as Miles casually eavesdropped into her conversation.
"We'll have the Hendersons visit with you two scheduled next Friday, Jonah."
The woman noticed Miles standing in the doorway and turned her focus to him.
"Now as for you Millie, that's about enough sneaking out for one week."
Miles cringed upon hearing his dead name, finding himself a seat and slouching with his legs apart. He rolled his eyes and gave a muttered reply back.
"I wasn't sneaking out. I want to get out of this place, I hate it here."
The ursine woman gave a frown, "I've told you before, if you want to apply to see a family or enroll in foster care, you're more than welcome."
"Like anyone would want me."
"I'd also ask you to come down when a patron comes by. You can't expect someone to want to adopt you if you sulk in your room all day."
Miles scoffed and crossed his arms. The woman took note of this and continued.
"And do try and sit like a lady! I'll tell you many people do not care for ill-mannered children."
"I'm not a lady."
"We're not having this conversation again, Millie. I'll see you all at dinnertime,"
The woman concluded, emphasizing on Miles, and exited the room to attend to other children.
That was just the thing. Miles didn't want to be adopted. He was tired of this idea that he had to be held down by society's rules and regulations for him. He just wanted to be free, but not in some "I do what I want without consequences" way. He wanted to stop feeling different and to stop feeling like he was a mistake or a slip-up or a burden. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized. He was a mistake. Why else was he here at this orphanage if he wasn't? He exited his room and put his paws up to his head. He would be screaming bloody murder if there weren't so many people around. Alas, as he always did, Miles kept his emotions to himself.
Jonah patted Theo's little head, ruffling his small tuft of hair. He motioned for him to give him some privacy as he ran his fingers through his own hair, which in stark contrast was a long silky mane. He sauntered over and patted Miles' shoulder blade.
"How was your day then, Miles?" he gingerly asked.
How was his day? How was his day!? He thought it was quite obvious that his day was boring at best and awful at worst. Was he daft? Miles collected himself so as to not take his anger out on the innocent lion and gave a quick retort.
"Take a guess. You think you could vouch for me if I go out tonight?"
Jonah took a deep sigh as he lowered himself to the fox's level.
"You just got grounded for 'going out', and you're gonna try it again? You're on some shit, man."
"The only shit I'm on is that I'm sick of being treated like a problem child. I wanna get out of this place free, Jonah." He weakly pushed away the lion's arm.
"You're not the only one, Miles. We all want out of here, why cause all this trouble for yourself? You could get outta this place much easier if you found someone to take care of you or just asked to go out, so why act out like this?"
That question made the gears in the grey fox's head start turning furiously. Why did he go through all this trouble to get out of the orphanage when he could just be adopted? One simple issue, nobody wants him! Why didn't Jonah get it through his thick ass head!? That's why he's here, right? He was put on this planet only to be rejected by it, so why try and fit in?
"Because nobody wants me!"
The fox exclaimed as he shot up, his razor cut teal locks angrily thrashing as he paced.
"Why else am I in this shithole orphanage anyway? If the world doesn't care 'bout me, then I don't care 'bout it! And if getting outta here is how I stick it to everybody who hates me, then so be it."
The big cat sunk into his seat, clearly done arguing with the younger mammal.
"Miles, people here don't hate y–"
"Don't fucking start with that shit."
"Fine, go out, I'll vouch. Jus' don't expect me to save your sorry ass if you get into any more trouble, 'ight?"
Miles gave an exaggerated sigh. Sometimes the feline really got under his skin. He was slightly fond of Jonah and even found Theo kind of cute, but they didn't have a clue about the fox's situation. He hated confiding in the cat, or anyone really, because none of it even mattered to him. Jonah and Theo would get adopted or move out one day, and when Miles turned 18 he would be out on the streets, never seeing each other again. They only talked because Miles had nobody else, they were forced to grow a bond by virtue of this funny little thing called society. Even if he liked the two lions, he still hated the world, he hated himself, and he hated everything that made him feel like shit. The fox grabbed his bag from under the dresser, flipped up the hood of his black zip-up hoodie and cracked open the window. He was careful to slip out onto the fire escape and made his way down the second and first story. Miles was off again, and once more he had no intention to return.
"Zootopia, 'a place where anyone can be anything...'"
Miles rolled his eyes at the notion.
"my fuckin' ass."