It always seemed like the ZPD's lunch break was never long enough. It was far too short, but it dragged on like no one's business. Nick mostly wasted his break analyzing cases with Judy out of sheer boredom, though Clauwhauser often joined the two to add some much-needed charisma. However, this time seemed much different. Nick couldn't stop thinking about how he wanted to know Miles more, as his last interaction had barely scratched the surface. His immersion was broken by Judy's paw waving in front of his face.
The lagomorph had caught Nick's eye and he shook himself back to reality. He disregarded his hazy mental state and returned his attention to Judy.
"Nick," she looked at him with a mix of confusion and intrigue. "You okay? You've been staring off into space for almost half a minute. I was starting to get worried."
The red fox brushed it off and gave an honest confession.
"Sorry Carrots, I'm not sure what got into me there. But I've just been kinda distracted lately."
"Distracted how?"
Nick smirked as he decided to open up about his lack of focus. Judy was his closest friend, and a long time friend at that. She had been there for him even when they first started working together, back in his days of hustling.
"You know that boy, Miles?"
"Vaguely, what's your point?"
"He's what's got me distracted. Remember how I gave him that note to keep in touch?"
"Don't tell me, he got in touch?"
"Right on the money. He called me up the other day, and he ended up coming over to my place. It's pretty safe to say I enjoyed his company. He really was more than meets the eye. He's had it rough, and I thought that maybe what he needs is somebody by his side."
Judy playfully nudged his bicep with her elbow, "Well, look who's out making friends!—With random kids we meet during our shift. Little weird, but beggars can't be choosers, right?"
It was an odd happenstance, but he supposed she was right. When Nick was first recruited to the force, he barely spoke a word to anyone outside of Judy. While many were fooled by his debonair and quick-witted front, his true feelings made it seem like night and day. Nick felt isolated, confused and a little afraid, and just thinking about this past was all too familiar.
Nick began to see what was so odd about this situation. It felt like he was reliving a memory, but with tiny or often huge details changed around, though the premise stayed the same. He couldn't help but think out loud.
"Yeah. You know, Miles reminds me of someone. I feel like I've seen this before somewhere, but I can't put a finger on it."
Judy added her own thoughts to the mixture, "I feel it too. Wait, do you remember your first few years here?"
"How could I forget? You and I were practically inseparable, and everyone else wouldn't get so much as a passing glance. It's like you were drawn to me somehow, like we had some kind of connection…"
"...Like how you feel about Miles."
The vulpine's forest green eyes widened at the notion. How could he not have seen it? Like before, when he saw the fleeting figment of little Nick as he stared into Miles' eyes. What were these feelings? It all started making so much sense, yet it was so much more confusing. Each new factoid brought in several more questions. Nick was taking one step forward and two steps back at this rate. He felt Judy place her paw on his as she continued her idea.
"Nick...Now, this is just my opinion, but I think you saw yourself in him. You saw somebody who was like you, alone and depressed, and you know what he feels like because you were him at one point."
Yet another striking point. That was it, that was why it felt familiar. "Dumb fox," he snickered to himself. He had to talk with someone about this, but his break had come to an end. He let Judy wrap her arm around him in a friendly embrace.
"You know I love you, right? I trust you'll figure this out. It feels crazy right now, but if you need any help with this whole thing feel free to give me a shout."
Nick leaned into her and smiled. He offered to give her Miles' phone number, but Judy politely declined, even if she expressed some interest in the boy. The two parted ways and began to go about their duties. Nick would figure this out, just like she said, and he would do it jot just for himself, but for Miles too. No matter the adversity, Nick would succeed in this new mission, this mission of a lifetime.
The red fox had checked out early, but for good reason. He had his regularly scheduled therapy appointment today, and he had much to talk about. It would probably be another month or so before he could get in again, so he had to make this count. Nick tapped his toes anxiously in the lobby and awaited his turn to be called in. Suddenly the voice of the psychologist called out in tandem with the click of the door.
"Mr. Wilde, if you'd follow me now."
Dr. Jasper Talamantes was an odd fellow, but certainly a wizard at his job. He was a lanky spotted hyena whose mane was spiked up like a cartoon character and had been dyed a color somewhere between lavender and periwinkle. His fashion choice was not anywhere close to the other doctors Nick had seen in the past. Dr. Talamantes wore a white button-up with red flannel jeans and a pair of black suspenders. His ensemble was topped off with a honey yellow bow tie, which any observant person could tell was fake. Today he wore a shade of eyeshadow that matched his hair along with winged eyeliner sharp enough to cut a person with one blink.
The doctor pushed his circular glasses up and clumsily attempted to organize his papers on his clipboard. Though he seemed out of it, there was no better man to rely on. Not one detail about someone escaped his mind, and he could read people with almost telepathic accuracy. Nick followed him back to his room and sat on the black leather couch, sinking into the fabric slightly. Dr. Talamantes' desk was decorated with little toys and trinkets which was akin to a child's bedroom. He picked up some kind of toy that looked to be designed for fidgeting with, which he promptly demonstrated as he carried on conversation. It was your stereotypical "how have you been"'s and other such follow-ups, jotting down certain information as he went along.
As the two mammals communicated, Nick looked for an opportunity to mention his new mission and spoke up during a moment of silence.
"How do you help somebody you know is facing the same pain you have?"
The eccentric hyena raised an eyebrow, "Elaborate on that."
"Well, there's this boy. His name is Miles, and life's treating him like crap. My friend and I thought I might have seen myself in him. I don't know why, I just feel like I have to help him. You remember how sad and alone I was back when I first started seeing you. I feel like he needs someone to be there for him, but I don't want to scare him away."
Dr. Talamantes nodded as he tapped his pen on his lip. He remembered when Nick first opened up to him about two or three months into their sessions. The hyena pondered this notion before offering his thesis.
"You sound like you like this boy an awful lot. What drew you to him?"
Nick scratched the back of his head before replying. More puzzling questions, but at the same time more answers.
"It was the look in his eyes. You said something like the window to the soul, and I think you may have had a point with that, Doc. Those big blue eyes held a story that I just have to understand. Deep down in that boy, there's a piece of little Nick Wilde who needed somebody to give him a glimmer of light in this dark world. I don't ever want to see anyone face what I have, and now that the reality is right in front of me, I just can't miss this opportunity. I can't let him fight this alone like I did. I have to help him, but what if he doesn't trust me? I need to help this little grey fox. I need to be his light."
Dr. Talamantes soaked in Nick's every word like a candy-colored sponge. He clearly loved his job, his oakey brown eyes glowing with passion for this moment. He was hyper fixated on every detail, though he managed to be grounded and have more advice at the ready. The man was truly a sight to behold.
"You want to be his light, but often we don't know how badly we need that light until we truly evaluate ourselves. Miles might not know how much he wants to have someone who cares for him yet, I know you didn't. It's a noble thing you want to do for him, and you're right, he might not trust you at first. The best way to do this in my humble opinion is to take it slow, let Miles come to you. You've shown him you're a friend, and he clearly finds something worthwhile in you. Just let him figure things out and keep trying to listen to him. Do like you've been doing and be there for him every step of the way. You can do this Nick. I know you can."
The red fox stood up and shook his therapist's paw. The man always did have a way with words.
"Thank you, Doctor Talamantes. Keep me updated when you've got a vacancy."
The hyena rested his arm on Nick's shoulder.
"Oh Nick, of all my patients, it's you I've told nearly a thousand times! Just call me Jasper, there's no need for formalities."
Nick couldn't help but be charmed by the spunky psychologist. It was no wonder this was the guy he had kept after being bounced around from doctor to doctor. The vulpine finished up his paperwork and left the building, eager to meet his nice soft bed. He was ready to collapse right in his car, the stress of work was almost too overbearing. Perhaps he'd just go with takeout tonight, seeing as the energy to cook would never find him. As he sat in his car, he thought about what Dr. Talamantes told him, to let Miles come to him. The red fox started up his car and said a silent prayer that he wouldn't fall asleep at the wheel, content with the information he had gained.
Muffled yelling came from Miles as he pressed a pillow deep onto his face. Things were, in fact, not turning out better for him. Today was not his day, his dysphoria was at an all time high considering it was time for what he not-so-lovingly referred to as "shark week," and his depression took this opportunity to drop his mood to a new low. The grey fox couldn't stop thinking about how he opened up to Nick, and why it was the worst decision of his life. When Miles left Zootopia forever, he knew no one would miss him, but Nick's little friendship he wanted punched more than a few holes in his plans.
As if on cue, Miles' phone lit up as he received a text message. It was, of course, from Nick. The boy wrinkled his face and unlocked his phone, entirely not excited to see what lied before him.
"Hey Miles, I don't know if and when you'll read this since you don't really respond to my texts, but I really enjoyed talking with you the other day. I'd love to get together again sometime so I could get to know you more, no pressure of course! I know life looks dark right now, but I promise you'll find your light someday. There's sure to be people who care about you, even if you don't know them yet, so don't give up the fight."
Miles hated to believe it, but that comment really touched him. He almost felt like smiling a bit...no, what was he thinking? It's just his hormones acting up because he was literally bleeding out of his nether-regions! Even if there was anyone out there who cared about him, he didn't know them, and he had no desire to know them. He didn't need anyone. As he told himself these things, a small voice began to enter the conversation in his head.
"I shouldn't say that."
What did that mean? Why shouldn't he say it? He never needed anyone, so why start now? Nothing would ever make him need anybody in his life! Nothing!
"But I'm lonely. I've never had a real friend in my life, and being an orphan isn't helping that matter. I feel isolated..."
So what? If he felt isolated, then that just meant he was doing a good job at shutting out all the stupid people in his life!
"It isn't healthy to do this to myself. I'm so depressed. I just want somebody...anybody...who won't treat me like I'm just some kind of mistake."
That gave way to a new question—who? No one cares about him, no one has ever cared, so why should he waste his time on trying to find them?
"Nick cares about me."
Miles stared at his reflection on the black screen of his phone. Nick? You mean the clearly insane fox who he's talked to once, maybe twice if he was being technical? This was that special somebody who cared about him? He had to be kidding himself, but Nick was really the only candidate. His kind words, his actual sympathy for him, the fact that he actually LISTENED to him. It all was enough to say Nick at least had something to admire in Miles' opinion. He got up and looked at himself up and down in the standing mirror.
"I hate you, Miles Dakota."
He stared at his small book bag as he untied the faded maroon bandana he wore on occasion. The grey fox threw the covers over his head, not even bothering to change clothes, and debated this next move. He'd have to test it first, but if this succeeded it would only prove his suspicion. Even so, it may not indicate one way or another. Miles clutched his aching abdomen and tried to sleep, wondering how in the hell he was going to execute this crazy plan. That was a job for future Miles, the Miles of tomorrow, the Miles far crazier than himself.