"Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!"
Subaru Natsuki felt as if his blood was on fire! The frustration, the indignation, the pure ire of it all made him feel as if he was going to explode! He couldn't believe the situation he was in. That he was repeating the same thing one time too many! He felt as if he was stuck in a hole where the walls were covered with butter along with chips of broken glass underneath! And to top it off, the hole was quickly filling with water. He was on a time crunch and he didn't have any space to idle around.
"Who do those three think they are, being so arrogant?!" His anger flared up just thinking of the failed interactions with the three royal selection candidates. "People like them are going to be entrusted with the future of a whole nation that's just lost its royal family? Gimme a break!" Desperate times may have called for desperate measures, but from everything Subaru has seen, those three women were completely unfit to even be in the running for such a lofty position.
The words of the Karsten duchess stabbed into him like a hot knife as he recalled her unfeeling criticisms.
"—So that is the true motive for your actions? You hate the Witch Cult. That's the reason you approached Emilia, is it not?"
His fists clenched until his nails bit into his palms. So what if he hated them? Everyone vilified and feared the Witch Cult. The only reason she could sit there behind that desk with such a cold look on her face was because she had never encountered any of those psychopaths. It was easy to say such things when you were removed from the situation. The further away a problem was, the easier it was to minimize it, after all.
She didn't know the whole story. It wasn't that Subaru was hiding information because he wanted to deceive anyone. If he was at liberty to tell everything that he knew, he would have jumped up on the roof of the Karsten mansion and started singing to everyone within her domain. He didn't want this to be difficult and it wasn't Subaru's fault that it was. Because of this damn penalty on him, he couldn't explain that he'd already experienced the terror of the Witch Cult and knew their exact movements. He'd already seen what was going to happen multiple times!
"You cannot deceive others with the lies you tell yourself. Right now, the glint in your eyes can only be called bloodlust or madness. Have you not noticed, Subaru Natsuki?"
"So what?!" He barked out into the streets, not caring who saw and thought he may have been unhinged. He shouldn't have been surprised. As a matter of fact, Subaru should have expected this kind of behavior from a privileged noble who'd likely never suffered and been in a position of weakness before. Those words of encouragement she'd given him when they'd had drinks together? They were nothing but empty platitudes likely meant to get him to let his guard down. Why couldn't she understand? This was not a situation involving some thugs off the street who could be punished by the law and perhaps redeem themselves in a few years. Killing those murderous bastards would solve everything. It was as simple as that. Just removing moving them from the situation would protect so many people now and in the future. Why did it matter how frustrated and infuriated he was at them? Did she seriously think he would get on his knees and beg like this if he wasn't truly this angry for good reason?
Yes, spoiled aristocrats were exactly like that. They didn't understand what real strife was because they always had someone to shoulder that burden in their stead. That was exactly why that haughty bitch in red could talk down to him so viciously.
"What you have is neither loyalty nor faithfulness. It is filthier than that. It is a dog's existence and a pig's greed. A lazy pig that wants, wants, wants. A swine's greed is the most unsightly of all."
Lazy? Him? Yet again more trash by someone who probably had never even gotten dirt under her manicured fingernails. Subaru would admit to living a pointless life in his bedroom before he came to this world. But after that? It had been nothing but sweat, toil, struggle, and death. Nobody handed him anything for free. "A bitch who talks about how the world itself is made to her own favor can't tell anyone anything about being lazy!" Would a slothful person be going to these extremes? Would someone who only knew how to want for himself shed tears over the lives of the innocent who had been so brutally massacred by insane lunatics? Subaru should have known from the beginning that Priscilla was a lost cause. She was the worst type of upper-class snob. Just because she had been born with money, status, a Divine Protection, fantastic beauty, and ungodly luck, she thought that pathetic mortals like himself needed to crawl and beg to get her to even breathe in their direction.
"Seriously, how the hell does that Al guy even put up with her?"
Those two interactions may have brought him nothing but disappointment, but his encounter with the merchant princess, Anastasia Hoshin left a true mark on him. For while he had come to Crusch and Priscilla and been ruthlessly turned down, with the Kararagi native, it was different. With the same tactics she'd likely used to conquer other businesses, she'd sought him out and dangled what he wanted right in front of his face before taking what she wanted. And all with that cheerful, small animal-like smile on her face to boot.
"If you want people to believe your path is just, you have to show them something concrete that backs up your claim. I don't see that in you, Natsuki. I can't help but value you less for the lack of it."
Value him less? Not so little that she didn't think he wasn't worth stealing information from. With the mood he was in toward Crusch, if the leader of the Hoshin company had approached him differently, he may have even told her the same thing. Why did she have to come and basically kick him when she knew he was down? It was like she wanted to hurt him!
"Your worth is decided by what you've done. In other words, your past. No matter what you do, you can't change the past. So the worth of the Natsuki I know hasn't changed one whit. When you make a mistake, it never, ever goes away."
She may have been right about not being able to change the past. His checkpoint with Return By Death had already been altered to where his public shame was known throughout the entirety of the capital. He couldn't go back in time and prevent himself from making the biggest mistake of his life. But Anastasia Hoshin was wrong about something else. So incredibly, irrefutably wrong. She thought that his worth as a person was not going to change? She thought he was unimportant? She thought he was the type of guy that she could say those things to him and he was going to simply take it like a worthless idiot? It was to be expected from the master of a smug bastard like Julius. She may not have ran her mouth about her worthless pride as a noble, due to having been born in a different social class, but Subaru found both of those lavender-haired fucks to be equally obnoxious!
If he ever managed to get out of this situation and pull himself up, the only way he would ever associate with any of them would be on a field of equals. He would never grovel before the likes of them again, no matter the situation. They wouldn't steal even another shred of his dignity as a person. "No, even that's not good enough! I'll fix this! I'll make it right. And one day when I do, people like those women will be forced to see me in a new light! Writing me off like some wacko? Like I'm just some pig who wants for himself? Like people's perception of me can never change because I'm so lowly and worthless? They'll see. No matter what happens I won't give this up. I might fail, but I'll never give up!" Determination born from pure anger moved Subaru at this point. As long as he was feeling these emotions, he could never be stopped.
"They don't understand that this isn't about the damn royal selection! If Emilia dies, we're all screwed, anyway!" The white-hot fury inside him was instantly smashed by a phantom sensation of icy cold. The image of that monster that Puck had turned into flashed into his mind.
"—In accordance with the pact, I'll be destroying the world now."
"Bullshit you will!" Yet again, Subaru vented his anger, unable to control his volume. He wasn't even paying attention to which direction he was walking. It was as if his body was moving on its own. He felt as if you stopped he would be overcome by its maddening sensation. He needed to keep moving. It was the only way he could walk off some of its anger. No matter how many times it took, Subaru would protect everything from Puck's wrath. Destroying the world just because one girl died? Subaru may have done immeasurably stupid things, claiming it was for Emilia's sake, but never in his most backward delusions would he ever think such a thing was acceptable.
Despite the rage he felt toward everything around him at this moment, Subaru still had the clarity of mind to understand that there were so many people in this world who were simply trying to live their lives the best way they could. They didn't deserve to die in a blizzard just because an overgrown spiritual rat was having a temper tantrum. Puck was never his friend. If anything, he was the biggest phony out of all of them! Where did he get off, criticizing Subaru when he, one who had so much power, never showed up until the situation was already over? A real father would have torn himself apart to protect his invaluable daughter, no matter the consequences.
"Puck, you're not that different from me, putting the blame on other people for your own failures. You just hid your true personality better." Subaru had already given his life and his mental stability for the sake of the people around him. He had the scars on his soul to prove it. Where were Puck's wounds?
He may have disagreed with every fiber of his being with everything those women told him. But one thing was certain. He was still too weak. Subaru could not accomplish anything without strength. That was the simple truth of the matter. This world was not some kind of video game where he was going to become the hero who saved everyone while putting forth no effort in return. For the very little he did have, Subaru had busted his ass and worked his finger to the bone. This world, whatever it was called, may have been a world of magic, swords, and dragons, but this was no fairy tale. This was real life. And in life, weak people like him, ones with no allies, no money, and no luck? They were the bottom of the barrel. They were losers.
Power. He needed it.
"I need strength, damn it! And allies who aren't going to fuck me over the second I mess up one time!" His head was spinning with frustration so terrible that it made him want to tear his own hair out and chomp on his fingers just to feel something other than this!
Having found himself in an alley, if Subaru were in a more aware state of mind he would have noticed it was one very similar to the place those three punks jumped him when he first came to his place. But he wasn't aware. All he could do was lament his weakness, his lack of resources and opportunities. All Subaru had been given when he came to this place was a curse that prolonged his suffering. "I couldn't get one thing. Just one thing to protect myself! To protect Rem, Emilia! Everyone! That's all I need to make up for everything I've done wrong. I just want a chance to make this right! But I can't do this alone! I've tried! It doesn't work!"
Without thinking, Subaru threw his fist into the nearest wall with all his might! He imagined the faces of everyone who had ever caused him grief, wanting to crush everything under the weight of his own frustrations. And for the briefest second, as Subaru felt his fist fly, he felt a sense of freedom from his anguish and worries. Like his body was lighter than air. It was euphoric. And yet, it only lasted a moment, because the pleasurable feeling was replaced by waves of pain shooting from his hand through his body. His fist collided with the wall so hard that his fingers popped out in odd angles, skin scraped off from the impact and blood dripping from within as a sickening noise of bones snapping assaulted his ears.
"Arghh! Fuck!" Subaru fell to his knees, holding his smashed hand with the other! At this point, Subaru didn't even know if he could feel the pain of his wrecked hand over the mind-boiling hate that threatened to consume his very soul. He hated this. He hated this situation. He hated the Witch Cult. He hated the royal selection candidates. Subaru Natsuki hated everything around him and simply wanted a way out. Any way, he'd take it. He wasn't greedy. He just couldn't hack it alone.
"Why did you bring me here if it was all for this? Why isn't there one person who can help me help others? I haven't given up and I won't! I won't succumb to this frustration and despair, but I need help! If you're out there, whoever you are, just GIVE ME THE STRENGTH I NEED!"
He didn't know how many seconds had passed since he sank to his knees. It could have been minutes. He must have looked overwhelmingly pathetic. That's what pathetic people did, right? Slink off into dark alleyways and lament their misfortune?
"...Need to find Rem. Maybe I can find some sort of loophole this time 'round." Even though he said this, he was not naive enough to believe that that fortune would smile on him out of nowhere. A sense of self-loathing consumed him. He was about to ask his beloved Rem to once again walk into certain death with him. He, with no real plan of attack and no power, would get the one person who stood by him savagely killed. Again.
Managing to rise to his feet, Natsuki Subaru prepared to leave this alley and find his oni maid. But, before he could step out into the streets of Lugunica once more, he found himself absorbed in the shadow of one who was not there when he entered this place. Looking up, Subaru saw the image of an elderly man staring down at him. But though he was old, just from a single glance, Subaru would never dare to call him frail. He was dressed as a butler, wearing a crisp, black suit. His hair and beard were white, likely from advanced age, but just the same as his attire, the man's grooming was simply immaculate. But that wasn't what shocked Subaru most. It was the man's eyes. They weren't an unusual shape or color like some cliche anime badass. It was how the suited man's gaze peered down at him like two slabs of unbreakable iron, displaying calm, but unshakable conviction. "Excuse me, young one. But can I be of any help to you?"
Needless to say, Subaru was immediately reminded of Wilhelm.
"I...I just—" Words caught in his throat, Subaru didn't know what to say. He had no idea who this butler was, but he immediately gave off the impression of strength. Perhaps he was a servant of someone from the noble district? Maybe someone who was once a former soldier who had settled down into a life of servitude to a worthy master?
What exactly was he supposed to say? He couldn't just dump all of his business out on a complete stranger like this. Not to mention someone who could be affiliated with a noble who very well may have held some strong antipathy toward Emilia for racial reasons. But before he could choke out another pitiful half-sentence, the old man spoke first, "Are you in need of some assistance? You appear to be in quite a state."
Subaru could only cough up a hollow laugh and ask, "Really? What gave ya that idea?" It was a stupid question, but he was honestly at a loss for words and didn't know how to respond intelligently to this situation, as it had never happened before. But to his relief, the elderly man was willing to take the lead. "I heard you howling for help. People doing so in an isolated alley are oftentimes in a bind they cannot escape without the aid of another. And besides, you are nursing quite an injured hand."
Looking down at his own hand, Subaru figured he would need to find Rem ASAP to do something about this. But before he was able to laugh it off as a simple accident, the stranger once more took the initiative. "If you would but allow me," And without asking further permission, the white-haired butler took Subaru's hand in his own. The butler's gloved hand gloved a white light, and within seconds, Subaru felt his hand repairing itself. The blood loss stopped. The bones reset themselves with no discomfort. The skin was repaired in a snap! But what surprised him most of all was how his very vitality seemed to be restored! This felt different than any kind of healing magic that had been used on him since he came to this world. In fact, he was sure that he even felt less angry than he had ten minutes ago. Twisting his wrist and curling his fingers, Subaru noticed that his hand felt like a million yen!
"Wow, thanks, sir!" Without even understanding it himself, Subaru smiled. It was the kind of smile that he thought he would not be wearing anytime soon. A smile of true gratitude toward someone who looked at him like a person in need.
With a wave of his hand, the butler nodded and replied, "Please, think nothing of it. But you really should not try punching hard objects in anger."
From this, Subaru experienced yet another unexpected reaction. He laughed. While he wasn't doubling over to the point where he could no longer stand, he still saw the humor in the old man's words. He certainly did seem to have a way of calming the situation. "Yeah. You can say that again. Next time I'll try hitting a wooden training post and practicing my karate on something that won't bust my hand. My form's atrocious. But one day, I'll be busting down those solid brick walls!" Somehow, the Subaru Natsuki of one week ago who could joke about the silliest things reared his head. And to a total stranger, no less.
"Oooh, so you are a practitioner of karate, are you? A truly fine discipline, if I may say so."
For the briefest of moments, Subaru had completely forgotten about his struggles. He had forgotten that he was on a time crunch and couldn't afford to be sitting around doing nothing. Right at this moment, he felt like he could shoot the breeze with this old guy all afternoon. "Well, I'm just an amateur, but I gotta say, I—" He cut himself off upon realizing what was being said. "How do you know what karate is?" While quite a few things in this strange world held similarities to his native Earth, plenty of things weren't. For example, the written language in Lugunica was nothing like anything he'd seen at home. Emilia clearly had no clue what his home country was the first time he mentioned it. So how would this old man know of karate, a Japanese martial art? Was it possible? Was he someone like himself and the helmet-wearing Al?
"Ah. Well, I dabble in a few different martial arts and find them all to be both beautiful and mystifying. But it would please me if you thought of me as being a simple practitioner in the ways of the fist." He answered this as if it was the most natural thing in the world. But Subaru didn't believe it for one second. He had seen this in so many different movies and anime. The mysterious old man who shows up out of nowhere and claimed the only be an amateur in XYZ? No way.
If he remembered correctly, Al had once made a backhand comment about himself being near 40 years of age. By his own estimate, Subaru thought this old man to be about 60 or so. Even though he had the body of a thirty-year-old warrior who never slacked off in training. Was it possible this old man was also someone from beyond the Great Cascade who'd been stuck here for longer than himself and Al? And what's more, the old man looked no worse for wear. He hadn't a scratch on his form to imply he'd suffered any hardships in this unforgiving world.
His former anger and frustrations forgotten, Subaru had to know more. "Old man...just who are you?"
Seconds passed before the stranger introduced himself. With the grace of a lifelong butler, he placed a hand over his chest as he spoke, "I proudly bear the name of Sebas Tian."