Trigger Warning: PTSD, mentions of suicide, addiction and other upsetting topics. This chapter's kind of long so I managed to fit a lot in.

Lumas Taffeta, 25, District 8 Mentor POV

The first day of the games was exhausting.

Shortly after nightfall, Binah gives me the news that District 13 is still going to try to rescue any surviving tributes from the arena as long as Fawkes Chau is still alive. I'm a little surprised that the rebellion has taken such an interest in him but maybe I'm just tired. I slept badly last night, nerves and excitement keeping me awake. The fact that Binah seems to have so much energy makes things even worse. She usually seems so bored and detached.

I decide to go to bed.

There are disadvantages to sleeping in your own room when you're mentoring. The time that it takes for a friend to run downstairs and wake you up could be the difference between life or death for a tribute. Luckily, Cecelia is around to watch Ageis and there's nothing I can do that she can't.

There are several bunks available in the main room that other mentors like to use but I've never felt comfortable using them. I'm at my most vulnerable when I'm asleep and I can't stand having other people around. Even last year, when I slept with Ramona, I was scared. But it was for a different reason.

I know that Ramona will never hurt me. I trust her. But I was terrified of hurting her. I was terrified of slipping into a nightmare and waking up with my hands around her throat.

I'm still a little insecure around Ramona. She's been my girlfriend for a year but we haven't had any time alone together to get used to our relationship. I think it's easier for her than it is for me, since she was married for three years and all I've had is unfortunate encounters that I was too high to remember. This is completely new territory for me. Right now, I'm doing things one step at a time. I'll focus on the Quell and the rebellion. Then, when we're safe in District 13, I'll find my footing with Ramona.

I take the elevator to the District 8 floor and walk into my room. I'm careful to lock my door behind me, just in case someone or something tries to sneak in. Then I lie down on my bed and try to banish that prickle from the back of my neck.

It doesn't go.

I roll over to check the time and, suddenly, it's almost two in the morning and I've had no sleep.

And there's a spider on my bedside table.

My muscles tense up. A sweat breaks out on my forehead as I remember legs scuttling all over me, poison in my veins. I'm paralysed. I can't breathe. I can't move.

Snap out of it, Lumas! It's just a spider.

I struggle out of bed, sheets tangling around me like webs. I look at the spider.

I can't deal with it. I need Ramona.

I stumble out of my room, hands shaking as I unlock the door. Then I rush up the stairs - too shaken to wait for an elevator - and burst into the main room. I find Ramona at her station and tap her on the shoulder.

She takes one look at me and figures out exactly what's wrong.

"Spider?" She asks.

I nod.

"Okay," she says. "I'll kill it. It'll be okay."

Her hand slips into mine as the elevator doors close behind us. I'm grateful for it. I can already feel the fear leaving me. Ramona has been helping me recover from my games for so long that just having her close to me makes me feel stronger.

"Where did you see it?" Ramona asks, as we walk into the room.

"The bedside table," I say.

Ramona looks over the table and her eyes light up. She presses her hand to the table and then scoops up the spider's crushed body.

"It's dead," she says, calmly. "It's safe now."

She brushes the dead spider into the nearest bin. I smile and lean in to kiss her. I realise that it's almost been an entire year since I last kissed Ramona. We've both been either busy or in different districts.

"Thank you," I whisper. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Ramona says. "I need to go and watch the alliance. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," I say, gently. "We can kiss more when this is all over if you want to work. Maybe it'll be for the best. If you spend to long here, people might get suspicious."

"Exactly," Ramona says. She gives me one final kiss before she leaves. I take a moment to silently celebrate. I have a wonderful girlfriend and a chance to destroy the government that has oppressed people for decades.

I could have a happy life. A happy ending. Something I haven't dared to dream of since I was a child.

I'm just about to lock the door when I hear a muffled scream.

Dread sweeps over me. I resist the urge to call out for Ramona. If anyone's attacking her, I want to take them by surprise. I reach for the tie I keep curled up under my pillow. It's another little thing that helps me sleep, knowing that I have a weapon nearby.

I rush into the corridor, trying to stay as quiet as possible. It's an old instinct from robbing people in alleyways. If I made a sound, my mark would hear me coming. If my mark heard me coming, the best I could hope for was them running away and costing me a meal. The worst I could expect was them handing me over to the peacekeepers, who'd hang me in the town square.

I see Ramona almost instantly. Gloss has her pinned against a wall. Her mouth is covered with tape and now he's trying to tie her hands behind her back.

Gloss doesn't notice me.

I launch myself at him, slipping my tie over his head. Then I tug him away from Ramona before he can recover from the shock. Maybe it was stupid of me to take on a trained Career but I know that, even if Gloss kills me, I'll have tried my hardest to keep him away from my girlfriend.

I hope Ramona runs to get help. I know I shouldn't let her distract me from Gloss but I can't help looking over to her to see if she's okay. She looks shaken but the ropes have already fallen away from around her wrists. My eyes meet hers as she reaches up with a trembling hand to peel the tape away from her mouth.

She'll be fine, Lumas. Focus on the fight.

Gloss tries to kick me but he hits my false leg instead of my real one. He lets out a strangled cry of pain. Then his hand moves to his belt. The signal flashes in my brain instantly.

He has a knife.

I dodge backwards before Gloss can stab me, letting the tie slide through my hands so I don't just pull him with me. Then I push my false leg into his back before he can slip free. He slashes at my leg but his knife just glances off the metal. Then he seems to realise what sort of position he's in. He cuts the tie and yanks one of the pieces forwards. I don't let go in time and my arm is pulled forwards, making me lose my balance. Gloss sweeps his leg out and I'm knocked to the ground.

I look up to see Gloss standing over me, trying to get his breath back. His knife is raised but, just as he's about to stab me, he hesitates. I catch the look in his eyes and my blood runs cold.

I'm not the one he's after.

Before I can react, Ramona hurls herself at Gloss from behind. His eyes widen with shock as she clamps a hand over his mouth. For a second, I have a foolish hope that she might have a weapon in her other hand. But Gloss seems to realise that Ramona doesn't pose a threat to him. He grabs her wrist, so tight that I hear her give a small cry of pain. She tries to pull away from Gloss but he shoves her in front of him and raises his knife to her throat.

"I thought you were supposed to be smart, Hirose," Gloss sneers. "I'd expect your boyfriend to be stupid enough take me on but not you."

Ramona looks down and bites her lip. She looks so scared.

"Let her go!" I cry, beginning to struggle to my feet.

"No," Gloss hisses. "You are going to turn around and walk away, go back to mentoring your tribute and not tell anyone about this. If you give me any trouble or tell any of your rebel friends, I'll kill your precious Ramona like I should've done years ago."

"What are you going to do to her?" I ask.

"Oh, you'll have to wait for that..."

"Nothing," Ramona says.

She looks up and a smile spreads across her face.

Gloss Goré, 29, District 1 Mentor POV

I think I've finally done it. I've broken Ramona Hirose.

I'm shocked by how little effort it took. All I needed to do was sneak up behind her, tape her mouth shut so she wouldn't be able to scream for help, and start tying her up. That freaked her out so much, she attacked me without thinking and now she's deluded herself into thinking that I won't hurt her.

I knew from the start. I knew that underneath that black veil, behind those cold eyes, Ramona Hirose was just a scared, weak little girl trying to hide how far out of her depth she was.

But, now I know she's out of her depth, I'll be sure to hold her head beneath the surface for as long as I can. Maybe it'll finally make me feel like the victor I'm supposed to be. Maybe it'll even make me feel better after watching Honey die.

"What makes you think you're so invulnerable?" I ask, stroking Hirose's chin with my knife.

"If you kill me," she says. "You'll never find the antidote."

I laugh. "What antidote?"

But I already know. There's a strange, tingling sensation in the back of my throat. It's been there ever since Hirose put her hand over my mouth. I'd been pretty out of breath. It would've been so easy for her to get me to swallow something.

"I poisoned you," Hirose says. "You have just over three hours left to live. Unless you do everything I say. Now be a good boy and give me the knife."

She holds up a hand. I have a brief fantasy of stabbing her to death but I know that she'll take me with her. Her ghost will taunt me as I die from her poison. So, wordlessly, I let the handle of the knife rest in her hand. Her fingers close around it.

"Good," Hirose says. "Now come with me. You too, Lumas. Bring the rope."

Calmly, she walks towards Taffeta's room, the knife pointing towards my throat. I follow her, shocked. Taffeta follows me, looking absolutely stunned.

"Sit there," Hirose points to a chair. "Lumas, tie him up."

I sit in the chair and let Taffeta tie me up. As I sit there, I wonder how I'm going to complete my mission from Snow and kidnap Ramona Hirose when she's basically kidnapping me. Coriolanus Snow is definitely a man I don't want to be angry at me.

But, first, I need to get the antidote from Hirose. I need to deal with one person trying to kill me at a time.

"Why did you attack me?" Hirose asks.

I know I have to think of a good lie. If I tell Hirose that Snow's after her, she'll be prepared for more kidnapping attempts. I'll be sabotaging Snow if I tell Hirose the truth.

And if Snow finds out I've sabotaged his plans, even against my own will, I'll be in big trouble.

"I... I want you." I say. "I saw you and I just... got tired of waiting."

Hirose and Taffeta exchange glances. I notice he puts a hand on her shoulder.

"You're lying," Hirose says. "That was predetermined. Unless you just carry tape and rope and a knife around in the Control Centre."

I laugh, hysterically. Hirose shudders.

"Why now?" Taffeta asks. "Why this year?"

"What's so special about this year?" I ask. Taffeta's eyes widen as he realises that he's given too much away. There's a tense silence.

Then my communicuff rings from my pocket. Hirose pulls it out.

"Answer it," she says. "Act like nothing's wrong."

Then she holds it to my ear.

"Hello, Mr Goré," President Snow says.

"Hello, Mr President," I reply, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

"Are you okay?" Snow asks. "You don't sound like yourself."

"I'm fine," I say, quickly. "Just... I was very close with my tribute. She was my closest ally. I was really hoping she'd win."

A tear rolls down my cheek. My world's falling apart. I can't even mourn my friend's death because I was so desperate to complete my mission for Snow.

"How is your mission going?" Snow asks.

"Not very well," I say, truthfully. There's no point lying. I know that, if I lie to make myself sound better, Snow will expect things from me that I can't deliver. "Hirose's always surrounded by friends. She never leaves the room. I can't catch her alone."

"I expected more from you, Mr Goré," Snow says. "Still, now your tribute is dead, you won't have any distractions. I expect you to put all of your effort into bringing Ramona Hirose to me."

Taffeta opens his mouth to say something but Hirose raises a finger to her lips.

"Yes, sir," I say. "I will give you all my effort."

"Good," Snow says. "Don't fail me, Mr Goré. Otherwise there will be major consequences. I'm not the only one who depends on your success."

"What do you mean?" I ask, dreading the answer.

"Gloss!" Cashmere cries. "What kind of mess are we in?"

"Cashmere, are you okay?" I ask.

"I'm tied up and there's a gun to my head," she says. "But I'm ninety percent sure that I'm too important for them to kill... okay, maybe only fifty percent. How badly did you screw things up-"

Snow snatches the communicuff from Cashmere. "Complete your mission or your sister will be punished. This is your final warning, Mr Goré. You'd better get to work."

"Okay," I say but Snow hangs up before I can say anything else.

Guilt and shame threaten to choke me. Snow is holding my sister captive. If I fail, I'll know he'll hurt her. He might even overlook her status as a victor and kill her. And Cashmere is trying to shrug it off. She makes me feel even more like a coward for being scared for her. I know that, if Cashmere had been given this task, she would've succeeded.

My sister is much stronger than I am. I've always known it and I've always hated myself. But now she's in danger and I know it's all my fault.

She knows as well. That makes it even more painful.

"You heard all that, didn't you?" I ask my captors. "He has my sister. Are you just going to let him hurt her?"

"If you want us to help you, we need to know exactly what Snow wants," Hirose says. "Did he tell you why he wanted you to kidnap me?"

I nod. "Snow knows about you two."

"How?" Taffeta asks.

"He sent an assassin to kill you last year," I say. "But they spotted you with her. Snow decided to keep you alive just because he knew you'd get involved in the rebellion and then he could threaten your girlfriend and get you to give up all of their secrets."

Taffeta puts his head in his hands.

"Sorry," he says. "I put you in danger. I put the rebellion in danger. This is my fault."

"Lumas..." Hirose whispers, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder. "They were going to murder you. I'd rather be in danger than watch you die. We can make a plan. We can turn this into an advantage."

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"I have an idea," she says. "But I'll need Gloss to help."

"No," Taffeta says. "We can't trust him."

"Will it save Cashmere?" I ask.

"Yes," Hirose says. "And you can help without the Capitol ever finding out. Even if the rebellion fails, you'll be safe."

I swallow my pride. As much as I hate Hirose, her plan looks like my only way out. "I'll help. What do I have to do?"

"Take me to Snow, just like you promised him," Hirose says. "Leave when he lets Cashmere go and take her back to the Control Centre. There are other victors who'll keep you safe. I can handle the rest."

I nod. I have a vague idea of why Hirose would want to be handed over to one of her enemies. She has a habit of tricking people into thinking she's weak and then taking them by surprise.

"I'm going to let you go now. Go back to the main room and tell everyone you're watching Eidolon. I'll let you know when I need you. I'm not ready to go to Snow just yet."

She slices through the ropes binding me to the chair with the knife.

"What about the antidote?" I ask.

Hirose laughs. "You really think I carry poison around the Control Centre? I'm not that paranoid. I fed you a breath mint," she pulls a tin out of her pocket and slips one of the white sweets inside into her mouth. "See? Harmless."

I take a moment to process what she'd just said. Then I sigh. I hate her even more than I did before.

"If we were on different sides, Hirose..."

"You'd kill me," she says. "I know. It's a good thing we're on the same side."

I turn and run from the room, before I punch her. Ramona Hirose has a talent for making me feel a poisonous mix of scared and confused and stupid.

President Snow has no idea who he's messing with.

Ramona Hirose, 24, District 3 Mentor POV

The moment Gloss is gone, Lumas throws his arms around me.

"Are you okay?" He asks. "I was so scared, Ramona."

I lean into his embrace, trying to banish the fear from my head. One moment I was fine. The next, I was pinned against a wall with tape over my mouth, with no idea who was attacking me and what they wanted. I'd let my guard down. I'd assumed that I was safe in the Control Centre. My mind is a frenzy of new plots and escape routes.

"I'm fine," I say. "You saved me."

Lumas saved me. Or, at least, he distracted Gloss and gave me the time I needed to save myself. I don't want to think about where I'd be if he hadn't been there.

I don't want to think of what might happen if he isn't there next time.

Next time, you'll be ready, Ramona.

"Tell me you're not actually going to Snow," Lumas says. "Tell me that was just a lie to get Gloss off our backs."

I sigh. "I have to."

"Why? Is it for Cashmere?"

I take a deep breath. I know that there are no bugs in the Control Centre but it still feels scary saying the words. "I'm going to kill President Snow."

"How?" Lumas asks. I can hear the hope in his voice.

"My wedding ring contains a poisoned spike," I say. "I had it altered after Alexander died. Since I always wear it in public, it won't arouse any suspicion. The moment I get close to Snow, I'll stab him with it."

"What if you can't get close enough?"

"Snow will want to talk to me. I used to be his granddaughter-in-law. He likes to think he has so much power over me. He'll want to see the fear in my eyes for himself."

"How will you get out?"

"Being poisoned has a strange effect on people," I say. "You saw what happened to Gloss when he thought I'd poisoned him. Once I've stabbed Snow, he'll risk everything for an antidote. He won't be able to hurt me until he's cured. And he won't be able to let anyone else hurt me. If we get someone on the inside - Plutarch, for example - to 'threaten' me with a gun, Snow will be forced to do everything Plutarch wants. He'll have to let Plutarch take me away. Maybe he'll even let us end this war before it even begins. I could make the most powerful man in Panem beg for his life."

"What if something goes wrong?" Lumas asks. "What if Snow figures out what the antidote is without you or he dies before Plutarch can save you?"

"Isn't it worth the risk?" I ask. "At the very least, it'll save Cashmere. I know she's a Career but she's suffered enough at the Capitol's hands."

Lumas takes my face in his hands and looks me in the eye. His blue eyes are full of pain.

"Don't make me do this, Ramona," he says. "Don't make me choose between you and the rebellion. I don't know what I'll choose... but I know it'll destroy me either way."

"Then let me choose," I say. "I choose the rebellion. Whatever they do to me, know that they're doing it because of my choice. Not yours."

"I can't," Lumas says. "I can't let you put yourself in danger. I love you."

"Am I your first love?" I ask.

"What?" Lumas asks. It hurts me to reopen an old wound of his.

Her name was Tarantella Hessian. She was his childhood friend. She was reaped for my games and stabbed to death in the bloodbath.

I wasn't the tribute who killed her. In fact, I was the one who made Tarantella's killer vomit blood into the snow until she died.

Lumas used to talk about Tarantella all the time, back when the morphling and grief were still in his system. I can't pinpoint the exact moment when he stopped. Maybe it was because he'd fallen for me. Maybe he didn't want to make me jealous, even though I was married to the president's grandson. Maybe he just wanted to move on.

"Am I your first love?" I repeat.

"No," Lumas whispers.

"Did you feel like you could never love again, when you lost her?"

"Yes. You proved me wrong."

"Then you know you're strong enough to survive this," I say. "I don't want to put you through losing someone else but I also want you to be free. If you have to sacrifice me to save the rebellion and set Panem free, do it. Because, once this country is free from the Capitol, I know you'll be able to find someone else to love. You'll have another chance at love. But you might never have another chance to rebel."

"I understand," Lumas says. Then he closes his eyes and sighs.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I'm worried," he says. "I know what you're willing to sacrifice yourself for and how important that is but... sometimes I wonder if you really know what you're sacrificing. I look at you and I wonder if you know how wonderful you are. You always end up hurting yourself. Especially after Alexander... Is there a pattern between how you felt then and how you feel now? You can tell me, Ramona. I just want to know how to protect you."

I'm stunned into silence. I hadn't connected my risky plan to assassinate Snow to one of my risky plans of the past. But Lumas has.

"I'm sorry," Lumas continues. "I know you might not want to tell me everything. I just want you to know that your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of. I... I once thought about killing myself."

"When?" I ask, shocked. Lumas has always been so determined to live. But, sometimes dark feelings can take root in unexpected people.

"It was the day I saw you for the first time," Lumas says. "I'd been drugged out of my mind for days. Everything seemed so bleak. I thought the morphling was going to kill me and I might as well just end it rather than watch myself get worse and worse for the rest of my life. But I promised myself I was going to see your games through. Then I saw you, sitting there and smiling, waiting for your victory. You looked so... innocent. Like nobody had ever really hurt you. I made myself a new promise, a promise that I would live long enough to protect you from the Capitol. Even if it was just making you smile when everyone told you you were worthless. I felt like I didn't have a future but you did, so I might as well give you the happiest future I could. Every time they hurt you, every time you hurt yourself, I wonder if there was something I could've done, to be better. I wonder if I've broken my promise."

Something inside me breaks. I rest my head against Lumas' shoulder and cry. I feel his arms around me, so warm and comforting.

"It's okay," he whispers. "It'll be okay. It's not too late to back out. I'll keep you safe, I promise. I won't tell anyone about your plan. It can be our secret."

But that just makes me feel worse. I know that it's not too late to back out. I could come up with a new plan to rescue Cashmere or put Gloss off long enough to escape his wrath.

But it's too late for me.

I want to kill President Snow. I've got the idea trapped in my head and I can't stop thinking about it. I know that it'll lead me to Snow's mansion, no matter what Lumas says.

"Lumas," I take a shuddering breath, trying to regain my composure. "I think I'm ready to tell you why I took poison three years ago."

"Okay," Lumas says.

"I wasn't trying to kill myself," I say. "I knew exactly what I was doing. I knew the risks and I tried to minimise them. I was pregnant... with President Snow's great-grandchild."

Lumas gasps.

"I knew that, if I let my child live, Snow would take them away. I wouldn't be able to protect them. He'd threaten them to make me obedient or he'd twist them into a monster like him. I knew my child would never have a real life. They'd just become Snow's puppet. And I was... terrified. So I made sure my child would never have to suffer. I had to make it look like an attempted suicide, otherwise I'd be punished."

"You should've told me," Lumas says, his voice rough and hollow. He's holding back tears.

"I was scared you'd get angry."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Lumas reassures me.

"At the Capitol," I say. "I was scared you'd act too soon and get hurt or give my secret away. But now... you need to know why I want to destroy Snow, why I need to destroy him. I think of everything he did to me, everything he did to you, everything he did to this entire country and I can't stop thinking about how he needs to die. He's caused too much suffering to live. That man needs to die and I'm going to be the one who kills him."

Lumas stays silent. Maybe he's not quite sure what to say. He just strokes his hands down my back, gently. I know I can't put it all into words, the helplessness that Snow has made me feel. That feeling that haunted me on my wedding day as I was given away to a man I didn't love and when I sat on my bed with a bottle of poison in my hand. It's that feeling of being trapped, cornered, with no other choices left. Of being the rat in the alleyway or the fox in the hunter's snare. Of feeling like your humanity is being stripped away.

I know that Lumas understands it. Most victors do. But that's what makes it more painful because he went through it before I did. I watched Lumas suffer when he was a stranger and I was an innocent teenager. Lumas watched me suffer knowing exactly what it was like. I know that he blames himself for letting me go through this. I know that he hates himself for not saving the smiling girl I used to be, for letting me become as broken and as bitter as he is. But I don't think he could've done anything more.

"We've both been hurt so much..." Lumas says. "But I still love you. The Capitol could rip my heart from my chest and it would still be yours."

I close my eyes, suddenly aware of how tired I am. My mind longs to stay active, to keep plotting, but I know that I'm in a period of grace. I need to coincide my escape from Snow's mansion with the tributes' escape from the arena. That means I need to wait until the third day of the games to put my plan into action.

It would be better if I let myself relax.

"I don't want to think about the Capitol," I say. "I don't want to think about the world. I just want to think about you."

Lumas kisses me. His warmth flows into me and melts all the jagged feelings frozen inside me. I know I'll never love anyone like I love him. I've never met anyone else who I've wanted to share my future with.

I just hope that I have a future.

It seemed fitting for Gloss to make a move after Honey's death, partly because he doesn't have to worry about her anymore and partly to escape his grief. Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for the good guys) he underestimated Ramona. In my first draft of this particular scene, Lumas beat Gloss without any help but then I came up with Ramona's trick with the mint and it worked perfectly. Gloss has become a reluctant rebel and a major part of Ramona's master plan to assassinate Snow.

Speaking of Ramona's master plan, I had a lot of fun coming up with it. Ramona's reached a level of self-destructive obsession to rival her lowest moments in The Bride and The Widow. Now she's got the idea of killing Snow into her head, she can't get it out. It reverses the roles between her and Lumas a bit, since he's become the cautious one and she's the reckless one.

Next chapter, we shall return to the arena.