Trigger Warning: PTSD, probably some other upsetting things as well.

Fawkes Chau, 19, District 3 Tribute POV

I hate the jungle.

The shadows are long and green. I can't take two steps without my feet or my crutches catching on some undergrowth and, every time, I feel like it's not just leaves and vines, that it's a monster that wants to drag me away.

Night was terrifying. I lay on the ground, unable to sleep because I was so scared. But, even though the sun is up, the darkness in my mind isn't going away.

I looked death in the eye in the bloodbath. My heart stopped. My body shut down. When I'm short of breath from all the walking and I feel like I'm drowning again. It feels like another nightmare in a long list. Another shovelful of dirt in my grave. Every night, they'll bury me.

Every night, I will claw my way to the surface until I find my way back to Binah.

I'm grateful for my allies. Régine noticed that the snakes were freaking me out, even though they weren't attacking, and suggested we move away from them. I didn't have the guts to tell my allies how scared I was. Now I can't tell them how hard it is for me to move through the jungle. It feels like my leg is falling apart and every shadow is readying itself to pounce on me. We're making steady progress away from the snakes but I feel like I'm slowing everyone down.

A silver parachute floats down from the sky. I see curving lines on the side of the package - either a three or an eight - and my heart begins to race. It could be gift from Binah. Even if it's from one of the other mentors, I can take comfort in the knowledge that she's watching over me.

Sankie catches the parachute and reads the number. "It's a three."

"It must be for Fawkes," Régine says, giving me a kind smile. "Want to open it?"

Before I can answer, Sankie hands me the package. I smile. "Of course!"

With trembling hands, I rip the box open. Then I squint at what's inside. I don't realise what it is straight away, since it's hard to see without my glasses, but dread seizes me as it dawns on me that Binah's sent me something I never wanted to see in my life.

"What is it?" Sankie asks. "Is it a cake? Please tell me it's a cake!"

I can't answer. I don't have the air. The tentacles are creeping up my throat again. There, in the box, is a digital watch made of bulky, black plastic. The watch from my arena. How many hours had I spent, huddled in that pitch-black cellar, feeling a monster grow inside me and staring at that watch? My eyesight was so bad, I couldn't even read the numbers.

I remember I'd been hoping for Binah to die. That was the only thing that would save me. There'd once been a time she would've done it. She would've laid down her life for me, just because I was her district partner and that was sacred to her. But nothing was sacred to me. I'd betrayed Binah. I'd almost succeeded in killing her. I'd been so evil that there was no way she'd want to save me anymore.

That watch is a reminder of the monster I used to be. It's a reminder that there's no point surviving this games, no point getting back to Binah. I could tell her that I loved her, that I'd only clawed my way out of the Quell because of my love for her. But she wouldn't believe me. Binah still sees me as that liar who'd do anything to live.

And maybe I am.

Maybe I'm so scared of who I truly am that I created this great big lie in my head. Maybe I never really wanted to kill myself, I just wanted pity. Maybe I only want Binah because she's a victor, just like how I used to want Manel. Maybe I only stopped wanting Manel because I'm cruel and fickle. Maybe I'm only rebelling because it'll save my life. And maybe all those nightmares about the mutt don't mean what I thought they did.

Maybe my dreams are trying to tell me that the mutt wasn't what turned me into a monster. Maybe, all the Capitol had needed to do to turn me into a monster was to to trap me in an arena with the knowledge that I'd die if I didn't kill and become rich and famous and loved if I did.

Maybe I'd been a monster before then. Maybe I'd been a monster all my life.

Now I see what Binah's trying to say with the watch. Time to stop pretending you've changed, Fawkes. You haven't changed. You're still the same terrible person you used to be.

You tried to kill me. Nothing will change that. You can't love me and I can't love you.

I almost laugh at how painful it is. I was so desperate to be myself again, I never realised that I was still myself and I should've been desperate to escape him. I hate myself.

You don't mean that, Fawkes. You love yourself. You love yourself so much, you'd sacrifice anything for him. You're just in denial.

"What's wrong?" Régine asks, staring at me with concerned, hazel eyes.

I realise that I've just frozen up. I need to think of an answer but I don't know what to say. I don't know what the truth is. I've lied too many times.

"It's the watch," Ageis says, peeking into the box. "You wore one in your arena, didn't you?"

I nod. She must've worn one as well, since her arena was underground.

"Then there's no way Binah sent it to you," Régine says. "It must be a gift from Ramona to me. She must just want me to know the time."

She reaches into the box, pulls out the watch and attaches it to her wrist. None of my other allies stop her. I wonder if I can stop doubting myself now that there's a possibility that Ramona was the one who sent the watch.

Taking the easy way out again, Fawkes?

I force myself to breathe, to pretend that everything's fine again but I can't help wondering what I'm supposed to think.

Easy way out of what? Hating myself? Not knowing what's real and what's not anymore?

We keep walking but I find that I'm a little slower than before. The distance between myself and my allies is widening. Maybe, at some point, they'll turn around and I'll be gone, swallowed up by the jungle. I'll get what I deserve.

When I feel something tighten around my bad ankle, so tight that shards of my bone scrape together, the pain makes me scream. It feels familiar. I look down and I see the tentacles of the mutt curling around my legs.

The mutt begins to drag me away. I claw at the ground, trying to pull myself free. As my fingers dig into the forest floor, my head tells me to give up. I deserve this.

My heart tells me that, whether I deserve this or not, Binah doesn't deserve to watch.

I'm back in the haunted house, back in my arena. Every day I've lived between then and now stretches out. I remember when Binah found me in the cellar, before she was even a victor. I remember when we were just two tributes, both dying from poison. I remember trying to find something nice to say to Binah, just to make up for everything I'd done to her while I had the chance. It was easy. She was brave and honest and selfless.

That was the moment I'd started loving Binah. When I had nothing to gain from her anymore. No more schemes, no more betrayals. In that moment, I'd just wanted to make her happy.

Then she'd had to watch that mutt tear me apart.

Fawkes, I tell myself. Whatever kind of monster you are, however unworthy you are, you've changed and nobody can take that away from you. Now you are going to live.

My allies rush over to me. Régine reaches for my hand. I reach for her hand.

I want to live. Does that make me a monster? Does that make me selfish?

No. Not this time.

Régine grabs my hand.

Then the mutt tugs at my leg again and I almost black out with pain.

Ageis Sacro, 18, District 8 Tribute POV

The mutt almost pulls Fawkes out of Régine's grip. Régine just about manages to hold on.

"Kill it!" She cries.

Silver and I rush towards the mutt. I don't know if it even has a body. It looks like a tangled ball of tentacles.

The mutt seems to have given up on dragging Fawkes away and is trying to envelop him with tentacles. It creeps forwards, tangling around his legs, his waist, his chest. Silver and I try to slice the tentacles away so Fawkes can pull free but there are too many of them. Régine can't help because she's keeping hold of Fawkes. I doubt her arrows will help much against the monster anyway. My spear isn't doing much good, since the tentacles only stop moving when they're severed.

"Should I help?" Sankie asks, from a safe distance. Her voice shakes. She's terrified.

"No, stay back," I say. The mutt sweeps a tentacle out to tangle around my legs but I dodge it with ease. It's getting braver. One tentacle manages to brush against Fawkes' face before Silver slices it in half. Another one shoots forwards and, instead of attacking Fawkes, curls itself around Silver's wrists.

Silver cries out as he's pulled closer to the mutt's body. His sword is knocked out of his hands. A tentacle snakes towards his neck.

I see his eyes fill with fear. For a second, Silver Oberst isn't the fearsome warrior anymore. He's a scared little kid who was hurt too much, just like every Elite.

Just like me.

I have to kill that mutt. It has to be me.

Silver's sword is within reach. I grab it before the mutt can pull it away and slice through several tentacles in a wild arc. Silver manages to scramble free. Then I plunge my spear towards the centre of the mass of tentacles. There has to be a body in there, a heart or other vital organs. The tip of my spear must've scratched against something because the mutt lets out a squeal of pain and draws back from Fawkes. Régine tries to pull him away but there's still one stubborn tentacle around his ankle that won't let him go. I rush forwards and slice it.

Just as the mutt launches itself forwards.

It must've been aiming for Fawkes but it glances off me instead. It feel its teeth dig into my torso. I raise my spear and plunge it into the monster's mouth, pushing it to the side before it can pounce on Fawkes. We land together on the forest floor, the monster and me. I push my spear further into the mutt's mouth as its teeth scrape against my arm.

I feel nothing.

I was made to be a weapon.

My spear tears through something new. The jaws close on my arm like a bear trap. The tentacles finally fall limp.

"I've killed it!" I cry. "It's dead."

I try to pry the jaws open and end up pulling my arm free. It's covered in cuts and scrapes from the monster's teeth. My allies are all scattered around. Sankie is wide-eyed. Silver looks rattled, his hand resting on his throat. Fawkes looks the worst. He's trembling in Régine's arms. I don't know if he's realised that the mutt is dead and he's safe.

I don't know if he'll ever realise.

Régine stares at me over Fawkes' shoulder, eyes wide and full of fear.

"Ageis," she says. "It's venomous."

Régine Maurin, 18, District 3 Tribute POV

"I... I'm dying?" Ageis asks. She looks like she might cry.

I want to rush to her and hold her but I'm already holding Fawkes and he doesn't look strong enough to support himself. I could see the pure terror in his eyes as the mutt tried to pull him away from me. I know what he's so afraid of now. Even though the mutt's dead, the nightmares still have their grip on Fawkes and I'm scared that, if I let him go, the nightmares will drag him away and never give him back.

"You are," I say. "Unless we cut off your arm-"

"No," Ageis says. Her hand moves to her side. I see a livid red scratch that wasn't there before. "I'm dying."

She sinks to her knees in front of me, close enough for me to reach out and brush one of her tears away. I feel a sob of my own catch in my throat. This is all wrong. Ageis isn't the one who's supposed to die. I'm the one who's supposed to sacrifice themselves.

But I was too busy trying to rescue Fawkes from the mutt to fight it properly. I wasn't anywhere near its teeth.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out. "This is my fault. I should've let go of Fawkes. I should've used my knives..."

"You did everything right," Ageis says. "If you'd let go of Fawkes, the mutt would've killed him. You saved him. I should've been more careful. This is my fault. Now you need to kill me, Régine."

"No!" I cry. "We can get an antidote. We'll work something out."

"If there's a way out, Fawkes would've found it in his first games," Ageis says. "I don't want to die like he did. I just want it to be quick."

"I can do it," Silver offers.

"You'll do it like a robot," Ageis says. "I watched your games. You kill people like they're animals and you're a robot. You don't give them last words or comfort or anything, just one slice and they're dead."

Silver scowls. "I kill like a robot?"

"There are worse ways to kill," I say.

"Then I'll give you one good kill," Ageis says. "Kill me. Then, if you die tomorrow, you'll die knowing that you can kill people without making them suffer."

I look down at Fawkes resting in my arms.

"If I slit your throat, I'll get blood on Fawkes."

"I'll take him," Silver says. "He needs someone to look at his leg. Plus it'll get me away from all your romance."

"Wait," Ageis says. "I want to say goodbye. You first, Silver."

"I get a goodbye?" Silver asks.

"You're one of us," Ageis says. "Whether you like it or not. I trust you to look after the others. Maybe you can let them look after you at some point. You can complain all you want but I know you miss being loved."

"Is that it?" Silver asks, his expression unreadable.

"Yes," Ageis says. "Sankie, come here."

Sankie rushes over and throws her arms around Ageis.

"It was great being your friend," Ageis says. "You made lunch so fun every day. Keep the others out of trouble and stay smart. They're going to need you."

"O-okay," Sankie says, tears in her eyes. "I'll miss you."

"Fawkes," Ageis reaches across and squeezes his shoulder. He doesn't respond. "I don't know if you can hear me but I need you to know this. That sleepover you threw together was the best night of my life. Thank you for making me feel alive."

"Right, I'm out of here," Silver lifts Fawkes out of my arms and carries him away. Sankie follows them. For a moment, I stare after them, worrying about the way Fawkes' leg hangs. It looks even worse than before.

"Régine," Ageis says. There's so much pain in her eyes.

"Do you regret it?" I ask.

"No. I don't regret anything I did with you. You are... the love of my life, Régine. You are beautiful and kind and I know you're going to save your allies. They need you. They need a leader. And they need a good friend. A friend who I know will do anything for them."

"I love you," I say. That's all I have the strength to say.

I know that I need to let Ageis go.

I lean forwards and kiss her for one final time. I can feel tears on my face but I don't know if they're mine or Ageis'.

Then I reach for my knife. My hand closes around the handle, bringing back all those dark memories. I've been trying not to use a knife all games because they remind me of how I used to kill.

But, if I'm ever going to hold a knife again, now has to be the time, when I'm killing someone I don't ever want to hurt.

"Ready?" I ask.

"Are you?" Ageis asks.

"No."

"You promised you'd let me go."

I sigh.

Ageis smiles, sadly. "It'll be okay, Régine."

I know it won't.

I still make a slash across Ageis' throat. A cannon fires.

Gently, I lift Ageis' body up in my arms and carry her away from my allies. I don't know when we'll be able to move again and I'd hate for Ageis' body to just be sitting there and rotting in the jungle heat while we camped nearby. Once I've carried her a safe distance away, I lay her down on the jungle floor.

My district token is a heart-shaped locket. There's no picture inside. Before my games, I'd never met anyone worth putting in a locket. I take it off and curl Ageis' hand around it.

It's not that she has my heart. It's not that I really loved her. I could've loved her if we'd had more time but the rush could've just as easily worn off. But Ageis was a beautiful girl who was so kind to me and willing to give me something I've been dreaming of my entire life. I'm going to miss her so much.

So I leave my empty locket behind. I leave all my emptiness, all my longing for something I've never even had.

I've had a girlfriend now. I've had some love to fill up my empty heart. It's not full. I feel like I'll be able to work towards finding someone new if I ever make it out of the arena. But it's not empty anymore.

Whenever I think of Ageis, I'll thank her for it.

I knew from the start that I had to put Fawkes in the beast segment. The books never specify exactly what the beast is but I decided to make it a single mutt modified to target a single tribute's weaknesses. This time, the tribute was Fawkes and the beast was a clone of the mutt that poisoned him.

11th: Ageis Sacro, throat slit by Régine after being poisoned by the beast.

I knew that one member of Fawkes' alliance had to die to the beast. It was painful choosing one, since I liked them all and they all had space to grow in the story and advance the plot but Ageis was the one with the least space. At least she went out like a hero. She will be missed, especially by Régine. It's a shame she never got to have a life outside the arena.

Now we're in the top ten. Wasn't that quick?