Trigger Warning: Suicidal ideation.
Fawkes Chau, 19, Survivor of the 75th Hunger Games POV
I wake up to blinding hospital lights. The world is white. For a second, I forget how I got here. Then I begin to fill in the blanks.
I was in the Quell. I think I survived.
My leg hurts. I have memories of waking up in hospital beds before and feeling no pain. But, this time, there's a dull ache in my leg. I take it as a good sign. If the Capitol had me, they probably would've healed everything.
"Am I… safe?" I croak.
"You are," Binah replies. I turn my head to see her by my bedside. It feels like an eternity since I last saw her face. Her eyes are bright with joy, twin stars.
"Yes!" I cry. "I… I did it! I survived!"
"I knew you would," Binah says. Her smile is the most radiant smile I've ever seen. My heart skips a beat.
I don't know how I'm going to say it.
I've flirted with people before. I have a sixth sense for the perfect words that'll charm strangers at parties. But it feels wrong to think of Binah as a stranger at a party. I know her too well. I love her too much. I don't want to come across as too calculated.
If you've put so much thought into this, you're already too calculated. Just say it, Fawkes.
"Binah," I say. "There's something I have to tell you."
"Hold on," she leans forwards and brushes a lock of my hair away from my face. Her hand lingers there for a few seconds. "Your hair's still a mess."
I laugh. I find it sweet how Binah notices things like that.
"What was it you wanted to say?"
"I…" I realise that the world's a little blurry. "I don't know where my glasses are."
"Here," Binah hands me a pair of glasses from the bedside table. As I put them on, I notice a bandage around my left arm, where Silver cut the tracker out. The world comes back into focus.
I notice the dark circles under Binah's eyes.
"Were you worried about me?" I ask.
"Of course," Binah says. "I really wanted you to live. I care about you, Fawkes. It was so hard watching you go through the Quell. I'm so glad it's all over. We're in District 13 now. You'll be safe here, I promise."
She squeezes my hand. I feel a jolt through my body like electricity.
"Binah," I say. "Can I show you something?"
"Okay," she says.
Gently, I take her hand and press it to my chest.
"Feel that?" I ask.
"Your heartbeat," Binah says, eyes wide.
"It beats for you," I say. "I love you, Binah. I only made it through that games because I wanted to see you again. I want to make you happy. You showed me that I'm still human and that's the only reason why I managed to hold on in the arena. I owe you everything."
"Fawkes," Binah says. "I love you too."
I never expected her to say that.
"Really?" Even after everything we've been through together, I still can't quite believe that Binah could love me. Part of me still believes that she deserves better, that I'm just a boy who'd fallen in love with a star in the sky. I thought she'd always be out of my reach.
"Really," she says. "You're fantastic."
Slowly, carefully, she leans in to kiss me. She's a little hesitant, either because this is her first kiss or because I'm injured and she's scared she'll hurt me. I don't mind. Even the slightest brush of Binah's lips against mine is enough to fill my heart with joy and desire.
Everything feels right. Whatever was broken inside me feels like it's fixing itself. The world seems to open up for me when I realise that I can heal. I can have a future.
That's all I want. I don't want power or fame or money anymore. All I want is Binah's love and the knowledge that I'll still be alive tomorrow.
Eidolon Wrack, 19, District 2 Tribute POV
When I come to, I'm strapped to a chair. I remember things in fragments. The wild-eyed archer girl about to kill me. Doctors strapping me to a bed and trying to keep me alive. I tried to tell them how much I wanted to die but the only sound I could make was a desperate howl. A syringe plunged into my neck and everything went dark again.
"Hello, Eidolon."
I hear a voice and look up. There's a man sitting across the table from me. He looks strangely familiar but I can't place him. He's gorgeous in a polished, Capitol way. He doesn't have brightly-coloured eyes, dyed hair or any obvious tattoos but he does have a smart suit and his hair is just a little bit too perfect.
"I'm sorry for keeping you tied up like this," the man says. "The doctors all tell me you'll hurt yourself. I know you're going through a lot at the moment. I can't say I've ever died but I've been through the Hunger Games and I've lost family. If there's anything you want to say, you can type it into that computer. I'll try to help you as much as I can. I hope we can work something out and I can convince the doctors it's safe to let you go."
There's a computer resting on the table in front of me, just within my reach. I reach my hand out and type as fast as I can. It's agonisingly slow. I had access to computers at the academy but I never got the hang of typing fast. When I'm done, a robotic voice plays my words through a speaker.
"You can't help me. I want to die."
The man sighs when he hears the words. I realise that he can't be Capitol; his eyes are too sad and he definitely doesn't have the Capitol accent. He must be a victor, one of the ones that won after I died. Even though his suit makes him look older, he must only be two or three years older than me.
"Tell me why you want to die," he says.
I type as fast as I can.
"My sister is dead. I kill everyone who comes near me. I'm a monster. I can't sleep without having nightmares. I can't even speak. I am always in pain and I have nothing to live for anymore. Nobody's going to miss me."
"I see," the man says. "Do you know how your sister died?"
I shake my head.
"She breathed in some poisonous gas while trying to free you from a net," the man says. "She gave her life to save yours."
"She should've lived," I type. "She was so full of life and I'm just an empty shell."
"If she died for you, it means she believed that you can get better."
I shake my head. "I'm never getting better. I'll always be like this. Honey wouldn't want me to suffer."
The man's eyes fill with tears. "I know for sure she wouldn't want you to destroy yourself. My brother killed himself. He volunteered for the games. I had to watch knowing that he was going to die and it hurt so much. Would Honeydew have wanted that?"
"She's dead. She doesn't have to know."
"But she wouldn't have wanted that. She would've wanted you to have a second chance at life. I know you've suffered so much but I can find a way to keep you safe. I'll keep you away from Enobaria and make sure you never have to watch the Hunger Games again. I can teach you sign language as well. It must be so lonely, not being able to speak. If there's any way I can make you feel less lonely, I'll do it. I know you have the potential to live a good life, Eidolon. Let me help you."
For the first time, I consider it. A new life. A way to recover from all the pain. Living my life without having to fear. Meeting more kind people like this man.
My sister died to give me this chance. Maybe I should try to make something of it.
"You know sign language?" I type.
"I started learning it six years ago," the man says. "My mother was avoxed and I thought, if I ever found her again…"
He trails off, his breath catching in his throat.
"I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't burden you with my problems."
"It's alright," I type. "Have you found her yet?"
"She's very sick," the man says. "Snow poisoned her. She's been in a coma for months. They're saying… she might not make it."
"That's awful. I hope she gets better."
"Thanks."
He smiles but his eyes remain sad. His teeth are a little bit too white.
At least they're not razor sharp.
I shudder, suddenly overcome by bad memories.
"What's wrong?" The man asks.
"I'm scared," I type.
I remember my childhood in District 4. Every time I admitted I was scared, I was told that fear would make me weak. Some foolish part of me expects this man to tell me that. But he doesn't.
"It's okay to be scared, especially after everything you've been through," he says. "You're safe but it might take a while to get used to being safe. I'm going to talk to the doctors and see if I can get you out of here. Would you like to live with me until I can find you a proper home? There's a lot of space. I've just moved into President Snow's mansion."
I gasp. My fingers fly over the keyboard. "What happened to Snow? Who are you?"
"President Snow is dead," the man says. "I'm the new president but you don't need to worry about addressing me by my title all the time. Just call me Manel."
He smiles. I smile back. If President Snow is dead and someone new is in power, things could really change for the better. Especially if Manel is as nice as he seems. There's something reassuring about him. I think he's suffered a lot but he's overcome it and now he's here to help me overcome my suffering.
I decide I like him a lot.
"Thanks for the offer, Manel," I type. "I like the sound of it."
From The Ashes is finally over! I hope you enjoyed reading it. It was a lot tougher for me to write than my previous stories because of exams but I had fun writing it. I decided to start the final chapter with what everyone was hoping for - the reunion between Binah and Fawkes. In earlier drafts, I considered having one of them captured by the Capitol but I decided they've suffered enough. They need some time together.
I decided to give Eidolon the last word. This chapter holds the key to why I kept him alive. Under Snow's rule, he would most likely have been interrogated and tortured but, once I realised that Manel would take over as president, I knew that Eidolon would have a much brighter future out of the arena. They make an unlikely pair but they actually have a lot in common.
I don't know when I'll start a new story since I am on holiday for a long time and I don't have any major deadlines or exams to think about. I'll probably take a bit of a break while I work on other things and then I'll start a new story when I feel like it. My next story will be the Mockingjay to this story's Catching Fire. We'll see how all the characters cope with the conflict between the Capitol and the rebellion.