Chapter 41b: Squares: Toekomstige Lol Politie

Squares was long past done with his bathroom trip. He was happy the toilets seem to be regularly cleaned. 'The janitor does his job right.' He smiled, still wandering about. 'I must tell the Principals this building is not… uh… what word am I looking for?...' He couldn't find the word for it. 'This building could use a map on the wall…'

He found himself on the third floor. Stunned by seeing the open roof garden through the glass in person. He questioned why the school needed an open-roof garden.

The orc tending to the garden waved hello through the glass. Squares waved back.

The school's newest Freshman decided to visit the garden at a later time. It's his first time seeing an orc this close, they are an uncommon species in Kaamolen. Only seen like three of them from a distance.

As the 14-year-old further explored this floor. He had a few questions: "Why are there so many spare classrooms here? Why are the showers up on the third floor? FOR THE LOVE OF...! Wh-why is this classroom flooded? None of this is right." He wrote them down.

Traveling back to the previous floor he was lost in thought. 'This is my first day at this school… But my real first day starts on Monday. I should use this to get a good feel of what to expect of my classmat-.' "GYACK!" Something had swiped at Squares' feet, naturally making him fall over. He barely caught himself with his hands. He caught his breath.

Before he could look around who made him trip a sentient pumpkin with an animate face bounced up to him on eye level. She placed a piece of paper on the floor with her whip-like vine. "Kekekekekeh!" And the vegetable bounced off in a hurry cackling all the way.

"Pumpkin"
No Good Troublemaking Plant

Squares gritted his teeth and got up. Picking up the piece of paper on the way.

"Oh my Creator and all he holds dear!" The Freshman Chico ran up to her new classmate. "Are you all right, Mister Squares?" She helped him get up.

"I-I am. Just a few bruises on my knees and palms." He looked at his palms before he noticed an earlier pain at which he winced. "Ah… And a whip lash at my legs." He kneeled to hold the where it hurt.

"Oh! Can you walk? Do I need you me to take you to Dr. Bonnet, Dr. Felix, or the Creator Shrine downtown?"

"I am… fine. It just hurts a little, that is all…" Squares stood up again. He put the pumpkin's note in front of his face.

Chico tried to reach it, but Squares is like two heads taller than her. Meaning standing on her tippy toes isn't gonna help her. "Uh… " The humanoid girl uttered. "Can you please read it out loud?"

"To my new classmate.

The taller they are, the harder they fall, Cubes.

With love; That pumpkin you're stuck with for the rest of your stay at this school."

"That fruit is my classmate?" Squares winched at the thought of getting picked by on something that doesn't even reach anyone's knees, let alone his own.

The religious girl nodded. "Yes. If you catch her in the act she'll back off. So please for your own sake and everyone else, if you hear a "Kekekekeh" or even better are spiritually sensitive and you sense a small amount on the floor be on your guard. Though that may not help you too much. She isn't the only spirit around, like Principal Akuma and his family.

"Thank you for your advice regardless. May I have your name?" He said in a polite, but in a haughty-sounding way.

"It's my duty as the Creator's servant. And my name is Chico. I hope she moves on someday instead of clinging onto that pumpkin."

Squares had a few questions about the pumpkin. But nothing he couldn't figure out for himself.

"Oh, speaking of which." The girl reached into her pockets. "Here's a coin you can trade-in at the local Creator Shrine for spiritual guidance with a free lemonade."

"You do know your religion is bogus, right." Squares said with superiority as he figuratively pushed the coin away.

"Oh." His classmate felt dejected.

"All religions are." He asserted as he walked off.

Squares felt hungry, so he located the canteen. 'First floor, I have to remember that.' He entered the room. It was respectably full. Several students of all years were here enjoying a meal and company. 'Seems like everything is right here…"

Squares had to adjust his glasses looking to the left to make sure he saw what he saw. "Is… that a robot? This weird building can afford a TetraTech-esque robot?' At least he had a safe bet now as to why that flooded room on the third floor hasn't been fixed yet. The 14-year-old went in for those tasty-looking cupcakes he could smell.

"Greetings. My scanners indicate you aren't familiar to me." The canteen robot gently greeted the new face. "You must be Squares."

Squares stood there straight-faced. "Are you…" He couldn't quite believe it. "sentient?"

"Yes." The round robot affirmed. "And as free as the three laws allow me to be. I am Zed, nice to meet you. What would you like?"

"That blueberry cupcake, please."

"It is my duty to recommend something more healthy for you instead."

"I do not care, give me the cupcake." Squares quietly demanded.

"As you wish." Zed reluctantly complied and put the pastry on the plate. "I encourage you to also put something healthy on your plate."

"No." It's implied Squares' wordy statement made Zed frown.

"Very well. But one warning. My sensors indicate Panotty is attempting to prank you."

Before Squares could say something: "No, I'm not!" The elf beneath Square's line of sight said to the left of him with the dinner plate.

"Your benefit of the doubt is at zero."

Panotty grumbled. "I wasn't planning on anything…. I swear." He said looking between the robot and the human, who was very tall for his age. "Especially not on a classmate's first day." Crisis averted(?)

'He is my classmate as well…' His opinion on them grew even lower. He's gotta spend how many years with them again?

After a mostly orthodox mealtime for Squares' liking, he wiped off the frosting from his decent cupcake from his mouth.

He's had better.

The human boy looked at his phone. 'Just 2 more hours and 45 minutes before I can finally go home... I wish I had some homework already to catch up on. I am so bored… I wonder where Marle is, how is it going for her? I should look for her in case she-'

"Hey, you!" Squares looked down the hall. A long-haired, blonde kid about his age made it clear he wanted his new classmate to come to him. 'At least he someone is rightly dressed around here.' The dark-haired boy thought to himself. He liked the semi-formal look that kid went for.

"Stop!" A voice said around the corner where Alucart was. Squares was surprised at the boy on rollerskates who smoothly halted his momentum drifting in a circle. He gave a firm/stern nod to the new boy as if to say he'll be okay.

All Squares saw was a face that said: I'm here to rescue y- who?

"Ugh… Not you again." Alucard moaned at the lavender-haired boy's presence. He ran off. "Just wait until I bring Schezo!"

"Follow me." Tee said. "That kid's a small fry of the biggest bullies in this school!" That statement made Squares wanna meep. He followed this stranger immediately.

A little later, on a floor above…

The two sat on a bench in the commons room. "There, the SchezCo wouldn't dare hurt you here." Said matter of factly.

"SchezCo?"

"Oh. The bullies we're hiding from. They also do gambling. Come to think of it, they're probably preoccupied with that… You can never be too sure."

"Gambling at a school?" Squares was a little disgusting at how unright that was.

"Indeed… So you must be one of the new guys."

"Correct."

"Nice to meet you." The boy on wheels extended his hand for a handshake. "I'm Tee. I'm a 2nd-year student here."

"My name is Squares. I am…" He took a big sigh. He knew what to expect. "A 1st-year student." He averted his gaze.

"Oh. Did not see that coming."

Squares was almost angry at that response. No laughter? "What."

"Huh. Did I say something wrong?" Tee politely asked.

"No." Squares dismissed. "So who in this SchezCo have I get to worry about?"

"Great question. Try to avoid them. They go by their real names or by their gang names."

Tee went on to describe the physical appearances of the SchezCo and their names:

Schezo "Demon"

Lawrence "Demon Servant"

Carrie "Pirate" (Allegedly)

Alucart

Squares took a mental note. "No codename for Alucard?"

"I don't think he's a real member yet. Hold it out. I think their reign will be over next year." Tee said, hopefully comforting this kid a year or 2 younger than him.

"Let us hope." Squares dreaded getting more first-hand experience with bullies. More than that trip-inducing whip lash from Pumpkin at least. "A lot of troublemakers in my class." Squares gritted his teeth.

"That's just every class."

Squares stood up and clenched his fist. "I shall make this right the same way I tried to make things right in my last school!" The boy said in a determined tone.

Tee looked in anticipation for the next inspiring-sounding collection of words.

…

Squares turned back to face Tee again. "Does this school have a hallway monitor program?"

"I am the hallway monitor." Tee stated bluntly.

"AND YOU DO IT ON SKATES!? That is not right…"

Tee, being the polite boy he is, took it in stride. Sorta. "I don't see why not. I get to be quick, I don't use up much stamina(, my traction is awful,) and…" Tee held his finger up as if he's showing off a magic trick. He reached for his heels and CLICK. "They're clip-ons." Tee said holding the bottom of his skates separate from his ski boots like it was the neatest thing in the world.

"Hmm… It is not right. But it is efficient, I can give you that..." Squares conceded. "Can I become a co-hallway monitor?" He wanted to go back to his point.

"We can ask the person in charge of that."

"HOHO, TEE! Another hallway monitor you say. WHY NOT, HOHO? This young super heroho's just gotta prove himself first! Hoho!" A pudgy, adult, pink, flamboyant bird a little shorter than Tee proclaimed as he did sentai poses the whole way.

Hoho (Security guard)
BEAK BOMB OF JUSTICE!

… Squares had no words for this force of personality having the job he has. It's not right someone like him had that occupation.

He later told Tee: "This is no ordinary school."

"You get used to it."

Authors' Notes:

HUSK: These were all meant to be one chapter. But on Twitter to promote these chapters via Character + EarthBound battle background. But for the first chapters, Marle & Squares are in silhouette. So we cynically decided to split them up. Hurray cynicism!

Marle's up next.