He dreamt about the fire that fateful day when he was ten.
And about his mother standing between him and his grandpa's attacker. He dreamt of her face and arms and hands being covered in bloody, crimson marks. Of how his eyes teared up and he screamed at her to leave them, and please just run while she could.
Leave them where they were and save herself.
But she never did.
Instead she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and just said, "Yuji...it's okay." And then she smiled at him as if to reassure him that despite the situation that they found themselves in- everything really would be fine.
He remembered how angry her eyes had looked. And how resigned she had sounded to him.
As if she had had no other choice but to be there and save them, while thick black smoke and flames began to fill every corner of the old house that he and his grandpa had lived in.
He recalled the struggle. Seeing her grappling to disarm their attacker. The sickening coppery smell of blood as more and more of it was drawn until finally she managed to get the weapon away from the attacker and a shocking snapping sound ricocheted through the sudden silence of the room as the attacker slowly fell to the floor.
With his head completely twisted around on his shoulders.
It was wrong. And he suddenly felt as if he couldn't breathe.
And just like every other time before he would wake up in a cold sweat, panting for breath that felt as if it would never come while his heart pounded in horror.
The echo of his own voice crying out while his mother killed the attacker and then walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him, still fresh in his mind as he sat up in his bed.
The sound was both shocked, and horrified as he heard his past younger self sobbing almost hysterically against her shoulder. "Momma what have you done?!"
Sighing as he ran a shaky hand over his face, and took a moment to get his bearings before then grabbing his cell from his bedside table and checking the time and date.
It was three thirty am. June the eleventh.
Blinking at the date and time, he inwardly flinched, suddenly knowing why he was dreaming of that hellish day when his mother's work had come crashing down so violently.
It was the anniversary of that day. And just like every year before, he still blamed himself for the small part that he'd had in it.
His guilt tended to get the best of him sometimes. He still hear that ever present nagging voice in his head that always told him, It was because of him. Because he lived. Because he existed- that his mother had lost her two younger sisters, her cousin, his wife and their six month old son.
He was close to crying at this point. Which was both normal for him and not at the same time, when his phone suddenly rang and he let out a startled sound and nearly dropped it.
Fumbling to catch it, he finally managed to grab it and then took a moment to flip it open and put it up to his ear just in time to hear his mother's voice greet him.
"Hey kiddo. Having trouble sleeping again?"
He didn't really trust himself to respond at the moment since his mouth had just gone dry on him. So instead he whistled like she'd taught him too whenever he didn't feel like he couldn't or shouldn't speak.
It wasn't as if the whistle were anything truly special. Just one long drawn out sound but it got his message across just the same.
"Alright, want me to tell you all the news that is news again?" She asked.
His lips twitched a little bit despite his present mood. He couldn't really help it. She always told him such interesting things about what she was doing at work, her friends, and other stuff.
He knew that she only told him everything that she could think of to bore him back to sleep. But he appreciated her efforts anyways since it always seemed to take his mind off of his own issues.
He wasn't sure how long he managed to listen to her drone on and on about her latest misadventure, all he knew was that he started yawning a few minutes in and not too long after that, his eyes slid closed and he fell over onto his side on the bed.
So naturally he wasn't all that aware of her saying goodnight to him before she finally hung up.