Желание - Longing

Madripoor had changed him. At least that's what he tried telling himself. Slipping back into the Winter Soldier persona at the Brass Monkey had been way too easy and much too comfortable. But in reality, it had begun before that night. Zemo had been right. The Winter Soldier was still in there… a lot closer to the surface than everyone had thought.

Bucky Barnes sat alone in a ramshackle apartment in Romania, having chosen to go there instead of staying in New York. He wanted to be left alone. Away in a strange place that wasn't so strange. After all, this was where he had escaped to when he eluded Hydra. As he sat at the kitchen table, he pondered what to do next.

He could tell someone what was going on. If only Steve was around to talk to. He could send a text to Sam. It was easy enough. By now, Bucky knew Sam would help out in any way that he could. Bucky also knew he could return to Wakanda and call on Shuri and Ayo. After all, they had helped remove the Hydra Winter Solider programming… at least he thought they removed it. Maybe they had only provided a temporary block or their remedy was now failing. Maybe he was imagining the entire thing.

Bucky had first noticed this subtle shift when he had visited Zemo at his German prison cell. He had told the prisoner that the words weren't having any effect but that was a lie. They had triggered something. He had hoped it was just a memory resurfacing but as time went on, he was almost certain it was something more.

Желание (zhelaniye).

The word brought on a slight jolt of electricity inside his head. It was nothing like the wiping Hydra had performed on him many times but it was so very familiar.

Ржавый (rzhaviy).

Again, he felt the jolt and wondered if it was real. His dreams had always seemed so real but they were just nightmares of the past.

Bucky had shut Zemo down at the German prison and stopped him from going further with the commands. He denied it all and said that the words no longer had any effect. But it had all been a lie. The underlying feeling that something had been triggered inside him continued throughout his and Sam's interactions with the Flag Smashers. No one had noticed. Bucky himself had brushed it all off and paid no attention until that night in Madripoor.

As he sat lost in thought his cell phone rang. Bucky didn't recognize the number but he answered it anyway. When he heard the voice on the other end of the line, Bucky was jolted from his reverie.

"James, how are you?"

"Zemo!? How did you get my number?" Bucky asked and held the phone away from him for a few seconds as he memorized the phone number.

"I have my ways, even now. I'm worried about you, James," Zemo said.

"You're worried about me? That's hard to believe."

"I'm being sincere. Things aren't good with you, are they? Was it Madripoor?"

Despite his initial instinct to end the call with Zemo as soon as possible, the mention of Madripoor captured Bucky's full attention. He didn't want the prisoner to believe he had been correct with his supposition, so Bucky took his time replying and did his best to sound casual. "What do you mean?"

Zemo chuckled. He knew he had piqued Bucky's interest.

"You enjoyed it, didn't you?"

"Enjoyed what?" Bucky asked vehemently, any attempt to mask his feelings gone.

"That night. Being the Winter Soldier again. Acting without remorse. Feeling the fear you instill and the power you wield."

"No," Bucky said.

Zemo paid no attention to his protest. "I understand. I can help you."

"I don't need your help."

"We both know that you do, James," Zemo said. "Sam Wilson can't help you. Would he even understand what you're going through?"

Bucky didn't respond. He looked at the bleak walls that surrounded him. He knew that Zemo was right; Sam wouldn't truly understand what was happening. However, trusting Zemo to help also wasn't a good idea. Bucky tried to come to a decision as quickly as he could.

HeImut Zemo took the silence as full confirmation of his suspicions. The prisoner was more than willing to use Bucky's vulnerability to his own advantage. "I spoke to the Hydra operatives who ran the Winter Soldier mission. Those same men who were responsible for making you all you are told me things."

"They didn't make me," Bucky said.

"They gave you an arm and a purpose. Now what do you have? I'm in jail and America has a new super soldier."

The longer Bucky continued the conversation, the happier Zemo was. Even though he wasn't admitting anything, Bucky was giving the prisoner information and validating his ideas by not ending the conversation.

"Is there a point to this?" Bucky finally asked.

"Come and see me, James. We can speak more."

"I have nothing to talk about with you."

"We have many things to discuss. And... as I told you before, I understand. I can help you."

Again, Bucky lapsed into silence. Far away from Romania, Zemo smiled. After all, he had nothing but time. He knew he had touched a nerve with Bucky and eventually the former Winter Soldier would seek him out again.

"Can I expect you in the next few days?" Zemo asked.

"No. I am not coming to see you."

"A call perhaps?" Zemo politely inquired.

"No," Bucky said firmly.

"Желание (zhelaniye)," Zemo said and then the call cut off.

The spark of electricity, that jolt Bucky had felt before returned again. It was too much to be a coincidence. Bucky thought about calling Sam and telling him everything… from what he had been experiencing to the call with Zemo. He was sure that Sam would advise him against going to see Zemo. In fact, Sam would probably be upset that he even spoke to Zemo for as long as he did.

But Bucky wanted some semblance of normalcy back. He wanted to feel at ease in the world. If Zemo had really spoken to the men who had been responsible for the Winter Soldier program and had some information, maybe Bucky could discover what was going on inside his own head. Maybe he could get some answers. Maybe he could get some peace. In the end, Bucky decided to make a short visit to see Zemo alone.