I woke up from another nightmare, this time just managing not to scream everyone's ears off. Looks like I'll have to get used to this stuff. I took a look at my Parkerwatch to check the time, it said 5:37 Monday, January 28th 2008. Ugh I have school. I've actually never gone to school before, been homeschooled my whole life, when I was in first grade I went to a private school for three days, but the kids there were idiots so I thought (wrongly) that I would have more fun at home. Of course, that worked out well until I was like 12, when I needed more excitement in life. But I didn't go to school even though I wanted to, so this would be my first day.
I got out of bed quietly, went to the bathroom to wash up. Looking at the mirror, I noticed that I was now 5' 8" it seemed that each night, I gained half an inch. I think it was the same for Tess, because it didn't feel like I was getting taller than her. I looked over my shoulder, and my legs looked about eight inches long. Huh, wonder what the finishing size of my legs would be. Surprisingly I wasn't as disgusted by it or my webs as I suppose I should have been, but the legs were going to be useful for fighting, and organic webs meant I couldn't run out of webs too easily. Wait I just remembered, spiders could consume their webs if they ran out of fluid, to restock on fluid without having to catch more food. In order to test wether I could do that or not, I shot a small web into the air, and landed it into my mouth. As soon as it was in my mouth, I felt it disintegrate and go down my system. Cool, so i could do that. After I finished washing up, I headed downstairs.
When I got to the kitchen, I found Aunt May mixing some 'wheat cakes' batter. Apparently its a given across the multiverse, Aunt May's pancakes are called wheatcakes. Eh, its the same to me, food is food, especially with this metabolism. Oh speaking of metabolism, we would need to take some granola bars to eat when we get hungry. Oh well, I will just do that after breakfast.
"Morning, Pete. Finally sleeping well again?" Aunt May said, immediately reminding me of my dreams. I let my face darken for a moment, Aunt May didn't know I had trained in the art of espionage. Then I cleared my face somewhat, and quietly said, "Aunt May, it took all of my willpower not to scream this building to ashes."
I honestly would rather not admit it, but this will help for when I reveal that I am Spider-Man and explain the multiverse stuff so they know that I have to do this. I usually never showed my weakness, growing up in a brown hood made sure I learnt that lesson, but even back then if it was advantageous to vent, then I would.
Aunt May put the batter down and gave me a hug, then told me, "I'd rather you don't blow the house to bits with your voice, but if you are in pain, then blow New York to bits, I won't say anything. I don't doubt you can do that, I heard your scream Sunday, it was two times stronger than Saturday morning. And they were both real strong. But in the end Pete, I don't care. Because if you try too hard to hold the scream in, you will also hold yourself to the nightmare too, and nightmares can only get worse. Like today, it got unbearable right, that's how you woke up? Because it went to the point of no return?"
I went over my dream/memories-with-a-dark-twist, and realized what Aunt May said was true. This time it showed several of my love interests (at this point the memories are so embedded into me they're my love interests.) Dying, necks snapping, being cut off, impaled in the ch-
"Peter get out of your funk don't think about the dream ok, look at me," Aunt May said releasing herself from our hug, instead putting her hands on my shoulders, lightly shaking me.
After several deep breaths to get out of my panic attack, I quietly said "I'm back, I'm not in my head, thanks Aunt May."
"You're welcome honey, but if this gets too bad you're going to have to tell us what's wrong, Pete" she said worrily.
"I'll tell you when I'm ready, Aunt May, don't worry too much, I just need to fully get my bearings."
"Whatever you say, Pete. Whatever you say." She said as she started frying the wheatcakes.
I went to the living room and turned on the TV I was switching between channels when I noticed one of our parting webs on a news channel. I went back to that channel, and OH MAH GOD it was THE DAILY BUGLE! Lmao I got my major hater here too. This is too good. I deactivated the mute on the TV, only to mute it again because The Jolly One was screaming. Then I set it to a low volume and I heard my favorite hater rant, "this menace seems to think he can just put thugs in webs and leave a card and say he is friendly! I swear that I will see to it that this menace is brought to justice! How can the civilians of New York feel safe knowing we have a menace this powerful and dangerous! There isn't even one picture of him, no one sees him unless he wants them too. He could be HERE for all we know!" He paused and looked around himself for dramatics, and I was just belly laughing on our couch. A moment later Tess came down wondering what I was laughing at, looking at me with a raised eyebrow. I just managed to point at the TV before continuing my hysterics. JJJ had just started ranting on 'the menace's criminal wife' first Tess was confused, not knowing who the menace or criminal was, until she realized that he was talking about our alter egos. Then she started cracking too. Whenever one of us nearly calmed down, we looked at the other and started cracking. After several minutes of that, Aunt May called us, saying wheatcakes were ready. Both of us took a moment to calm down, but then I chose that moment to say, "he's like this in every universe." And we both started cracking again.
Finally we calmed down, ate breakfast, changed our clothes, grabbed a bunch of granola bars and went to school. As we started walking to school, I asked SEXI to hide our conversation from any satellites watching us. When she said that we were hidden, I said "you know, we can consume our webs, like spiders? I tried it this morning"
"Cool, what happens?"
"well when I put it in my mouth it just separated into several liquids as it went down my throat." Almost immediately I saw the mistake of saying that, and Tess noticed too.
"Oh so you had white sticky liquids going down your throat?"
"Shut up, Tess" but my voice had no real bite to it.
"Fine, but only because I don't know what to think about you slurping that stuff, y'know?"
"Moving on, SEXI, don't speak today until I tell you to reveal yourself, not until I use those two words, reveal yourself, I want to prank them ok?" I said.
"of course dad, we'll have a lot of fun." SEXI said, with a tone of mischief in her voice.
"Oh, this will be good." Tess said, already going through several scenarios.
"Yeah it will be," I said, mischief lacing my voice to the maximum, "We're at the school now, SEXI remove our cloaking."
"Done"
First class we had was calculus. That was obviously the same difficulty in either universe, but with my big brain, I rocked the class.
Second class we had was history. Apparently here WWII happened differently in the Japan arena. Over here Japan just extended their size, not wanting dominance of Asia, but just some islands. So Pearl Harbor never happened. And in a beautiful chain reaction, USA never joined the war, Project Manhattan never happened either, and no Cold War or nuclear weapons all over (just super humans instead.) But things were the same as the comics on the European arena of the war, with HYDRA and Captain America.
I had some more classes, but those were the same in either universe, then it was time for lunch.
As I walked down the hallway, I went over the quirks of this Midtown High in the social arena. For some reason Peter and Flash had a frienemy relationship, rather than a bully/victim one. Flash was still a football jock though. Peter's bully here (he has to have one doesn't he) was the forward on the basketball team, some Max Richardson. As I went over that one piece of information, I got another small piece of information saying that I usually went to lunch a specific way so he could take my lunch. Ah, shit who cares when he tries to beat me up I will take care of him, not enough to scare everyone but enough to make sure he stands down.
Apparently for lunch I always sat at a table with me, Tess, Gwen Stacy(!), Mary Jane Watson(!), Ned Leeds (phew), Betty Brant, and Liz Allan(!) Awesome, just awesome, three love interests of mine with me on the table (I'm not counting Betty because that was more of a fling.)
Apparently the reason for Liz Allan being here was that once Flash cheated on her, so she asked us to make an itchy formula to put in his underwear. After a confirmation that the formula would not be traced back to us, we made it for her. The next day, she was walking while 'drinking water from her not see through bottle' then she 'bumped' into Flash, who 'made' her drop the water onto him, then screamed "you idiot, can't even watch where you're going! Now I have to refill the bottle." Needless to say, the 'water' trickled down his clothes into his pants, and he wasn't seen for the rest of the day. Ever since then, she has stayed at our table.
The rest of the people's reasons for gravitating towards this table were somewhat self explanatory, I met Gwen in the lab, MJ in the hallway, Ned was my friend since kindergarten, and Betty was Ned's girlfriend.
Harry Osborn used to sit in this table, but then he decided to do the very good idea to sacrifice his soul and a little bit of money for a lot of fame in highschool, which, was very stupid, but hey what say do I have in this.
Going through the memories of conversations on our lunch table, it was obvious to me that all three girls had a crush on Peter, but Peter was oblivious to that. Going through his thoughts, I saw that he thought theY were above his league. Typical guys huh. I sat down at my table and gave a "hey y'all"
"Hey Petey" "Hey Peter" "Hello Peter" "Hey bro" everyone responded to me in their own way, except Tess, who looked at me somewhat worrily, as if asking for my opinion.
I gave Ned our secret bro handshake, then turned to Tess and asked, "everything good Tess?"
"oh, she doesn't know how to explain why both of you guys got so much taller over the weekend." MJ said.
"I don't really know why we had a growth spurt on the same weekend." I said, shrugging my shoulders. "it took me a moment to realize why my sink felt a little lowered every morning, then I realized that I had gotten taller." Then a mischievous thought came across my mind. I looked at Tess with mischief dancing in my eyes, then said, "But that's not the only thing my growth spurt affected." I said, flexing my biceps as an explanation.
The reactions all around the table were golden. Ned's mouth fell open, his expression full of surprise and awe. Betty looked at me with some sort of surprise and a hint of respect, but that was it. Gwen was just blinking, trying to process if she was seeing properly. MJ had an 'o' expression, very surprised but still in her element. Tess was trying hard not to laugh, seeing right through me. My eyes sent the mischievous look to her again, and she winked at me in response. Liz was almost about to whistle, clearly impressed by the muscle, and her eyes had an almost lustful look to them. Huh, maybe I should not have flexed them all the way.
"Dude, you can knock Max out now, this is Perfect!" Ned said
All three girls shook their heads, driving themselves out of their funk, and Tess and Betty almost started laughing at their reactions. When Betty realized that I knew what I was doing, she looked at me with raised eyebrows and a half smirk. I smirked back in response, then calmly took a bite out of my sandwich. Liz said, "Yeah Petey, you could probably knock him out in one punch with those muscles." Her hands were almost snaking to my arms to make sure she wasn't in a dream or something.
Letting a contemplative look cross my face, as if I hadn't already decided what to do on the way to lunch, I said, "Yeah, but if I simply beat him, he will just prey on someone else, which I don't want to see happening. So I guess I will... Ah I got it! I know what to do. When he comes after me guys, don't say or do anything, I will take care of it. Even you Tess, got it y'all?"
They all looked as if they wanted to protest that decision, then Tess seemed to decide for them, saying, "whatever you say Pete. But don't be stupid."
Then everyone else begrudgingly nodded their heads in agreement.
Now for the final blow, I thought to myself.
I locked eyes with Tess for a moment, my eyes alight with mischief, then schooled my expressions.
"SEXI, hun, can you videotape the fight, I want to use it as blackmail." I said, in a voice sweet as honey.
The reactions were almost theatrical. Betty, who had noticed mine and Tess's interaction, knew this was purposeful and therefore watched the others, wanting to watch the show. Ned was just staring at me like he couldn't believe his goody-two-shoe of a best friend just said a 'bad' word. Tess was just watching the show, trying hard not to laugh.
The girls though, their reactions were gold. Each one looked surprised for a second, then looked at their two counterparts, wondering if I finally stepped up in my relationship with any of the other two, then seeing surprise on their faces as well, pointed to themselves while looking at the other two, as if to say "he's talking about me, right?"
A snicker escaped Tess's mouth, and they realized they had an audience, and quickly schooled their expressions into curiosity and slight hints of jealousy.
"SEXI, you can reveal yourself now." I said barely holding my laughter in but not showing that, making it seem like I thought this was fairly normal, if it were not for the half smirk on my face.
"So you guys are Dad's friends," SEXI's amused voice came from mine and Tess's watches. "An honor to meet you. I am Karen SEXI Parker, SEXI stands for Superior Engineered Xquisite Intelligence, without the e in exquisite. I was born on Saturday. I apologize for the prank me and dad played on you all, it was too good of a prank to not take advantage of."
"Dude, you created an AI! And she calls you Dad! Wait she has emotions, not even JARVIS has emotions, and Tony Stark created him! If she has emotions then she is too advanced to even be considered an AI!" Ned rambled.
"hmm, I don't think we ever noticed that, you have a fair point. Well SEXI is just my daughter, and that's it. Calling you an AI is disrespectful, that's true. What do you think, sunshine?"
"I think that's perfect, dad. I just have one concern." Her voice turned slightly mischievous towards the end, enough for only me and Tess to notice.
I had an idea what her question would be about so my smirk went full blown, which the others not including Tess, Betty, and Ned misunderstood as a proudful smile, and said, "Fire away, hun."
"Who is my mom," SEXI said, with Betty and Ned realizing the reason for my smirk, and grinned themselves, while Tess's half smirk went full, and the girls started blushing. "Mistress Stacy, Mistress Watson, or Mistress Allen?"
At this point me, Ned, Betty, Teresa, and even SEXI started laughing so hard we could barely breathe (SEXI didn't need to breath but still.)
"Oh my God, I thought lunch would be good today, but I didn't know it would be this good." Tess said in between laughs, still struggling to catch her breath.
"Up top, Tess." I said, barely raising my hand for a high five while struggling to breath. Tess sloppily gave me one, and Ned managed to move his fist towards mine for a fist bump. As I gave him the fist bump, I felt a slap on my face, I felt a slap on my face!
"Ah shit what was that for, its not my fault we delivered the best prank in history!" I complained, almost drunkenly, when I realized who slapped me. It was Liz Allen in all her somewhat embarrassed glory, trying and failing to look mad because of how red her cheeks were. But she slapped me, and that meant I needed to come to attention unless I wanted to have itchy pants like Flash (Peter shouldn't have shared the formula with her, he should have just given her the product itself.)
Immediately I calmed down, and said "Guys, enough!" With enough fear in my voice for the rest to actually calm down and see what was wrong.
"Why, though, that was the best prank ever." Tess complained.
Liz dangerously swished the bottle of hers that contained the formula (she always brought a batch to lunch,) and Tess gulped.
"Yeah, I think I will just shut up." Tess said meekly.
"Agreed." Ned and Betty said simultaneously.
Liz started, "Ok Petey, spill. What happened to you two this weekend. Both of you gained an inch and a half in height,-"
"I also gained ten inches down there." I said, attempting to fluster her (but it was also true, Pete was originally two and a half inches, but on the first morning, I was twelve and a half, but it didn't grow after that, thankfully) which I succeeded to do for several moments before she regained control, but with even redder cheeks.
"And you're flirting! Not that I don't like the change of pace, instead of us just flirting and you being oblivious to it, but-"
"what was that, Lizzy? Can you repeat that again?" I said sweetly.
Liz's cheeks reddened, and Tess and SEXI snickered slightly, with SEXI adding a "get 'em, Dad."
At SEXI's comment, Liz's cheeks reddened even more, and I took advantage of that, saying "Lizzy, your cheeks look like a tomato, do you want to change the topic to a less embarrassing one, I don't want you to feel bad, dear."
Tess cut in, catching in on my plan, "Or you can continue sweet talking her, I think this is quite cute, do you approve of your dad's relationship SEXI?"
SEXI responded, "Honestly Aunt Tess, I do. This girl has the right amount of fire to keep him from doing reckless feats, can keep him in check, and she kicks ass, big time."
"Wonderful, SEXI. Lizzy, she approves, what do you think?"
Suddenly, she grabbed her bottle, and I realized bringing her back into the discussion was a very bad idea. "I think both you and Tess need to stop trying to distract me from the topic at ha-"
Tess interjected with a raised eyebrow, "trying to distract you, Liz? I'm one hundred percent sure you're thinking about Pete's one foot cock right now."
I responded with "hey, how do you know my dick was originally two inches and a half, huh?"
Teresa waved her hand in dismissal. "don't worry about it, Pete. For now worry about where to take your girl (or girls) for a date."
"good point-" suddenly my spidey sense blared and I ducked, to see Liz had attempted to spray me with my itchy formula.
"Hey!" I complained. "I made that formula for you as a favor to you so you could take care of your ex, and before our first date you're already spraying that thing at me, not cool. I think you have a fetish. A pretty itchy fetish, don't you think, Tess?"
"Just make sure you take a shower immediately after, don't want you having a one foot itch." Tess responded.
I noticed that the time for lunch break was running out, and that Liz was actually irritated at this point, so I said, "okay, okay, I think we have had enough-"
Suddenly the door to the cafeteria opened, with Max screaming "PARKERRRR" as he stomped over to our table. I immediately assumed a relaxed position as I said "yes, Richardson?"
He came up close, trying to look intimidating, while I did my best from laughing, this idiot, thinks he is scary, he got nothing on Natasha or Bucky. "You made me wait for you the whole time during lunch." He growled out
"Oh, and that worries me how exactly, Max? I didn't catch that part, I hope you can explain that to me." I responded, delivering the statement with casually, but with bite, so one would think I directly challenged his authority, but when you dissected the statement, it would seem I just said that I don't really care.
"Don't smart mouth me, asshole, you do funny shit and your hoe of a baby sister will pay for-" the moment he mentioned Tess, I stood up swiftly, looking that jerk in the eye, then saying dangerously, "You wanna play like that, huh, dipshit? You can try to jump me after school, bring all your fellow goons. I can even tie a hand behind my back. I never stood up against you cuz I never felt the need to. But you just asked for a beating, and you'll get one. Now get out of my face, Max, before I take care of you now."
He quickly left, his goons following him, with everyone giving me the side eye, wondering what happened to the careful, quiet, rich kid. I sat back down, then said to Liz, "look, Lizzy, I will explain this all in time, ok? I just have to get everything straightened up. Sorry you guys had to see that side of me."
Gwen responded, "it's ok Pete, honestly, I'm fishing in the dark for answers too, and half wondering if this isn't just a dream of mine, if it isn't then pinch me," Liz gave her a playful pinch. "Ok this is real, thanks Liz. But like Liz said in your... tennis match, its a good change of pace. Just tell us when you're ready, okay?"
I nodded, then Liz cut in, "can I just offer one theory before the bell rings?"
"You can, but it won't be right." I said, a playful smirk on my face.
"Oh I think I'll hit somewhere near the truth. I think some weird shit happened to both of you, hence the growth spurt, but something big relating to your parents was revealed to you, hence the change of attitudes." she isn't too wrong, unsurprisingly, she is smart after all, she even becomes owner of Alchemax. "For some reason, you guys aren't telling us what's wrong, and that's understandable. I get the whole deflecting thing you did during lunch, and your flirting skills are real good. Whatever it is, just know that we're here no matter what." Liz said, gesturing to the rest of the table's occupants.
"And the couple makes up!" SEXI cheered from our watches, making us all collectively groan.
"Sunshine..." I groaned.
"Comedic relief dad, you know the need for that better than anyone, and the amount of serious was too high, but I think MJ still needs to give her lover girl speech."
MJ said "I think Tiger here has had enough stress on his hands for now, SEXI. But this change of pace should be good, you still haven't flirted with me, so I don't know yet. But for now, just get your stuff straight, then come clean with us."
I blinked at MJ, then blinked, looked at Liz, then blinked again, then looked at Gwen, then blinked one last time, then I looked at Tess and said to her "Yeah they had a discussion about me with each other."
At that, Betty, Tess, and Ned gave a hearty laugh in agreement. Then Tess looked at them and said, "did you actually, though?"
They looked at each other, then refused to look up from the ground while saying, "no!" collectively.
"No comment." Was my sister's comment.