"RECAP!" Deadpool said as he exploded.
"Okay, this is getting REALLY FUCKING UNFAIR, AUTHORS!"
Over on the other side of the Earth, I was excited because September just started which meant the 31st of October was approaching!
"Hey, guys, are we all going to be doing Halloween this year?" I asked hopefully. "I've never done it with a family..."
Mr Stark looked sad at me talking about my old lack of family.
"I beg your pardon? You want us to celebrate Halloween?" Mx Loki asked.
"Oh, don't you know what Halloween is, Mx Loki?"
"I... Do. They celebrated it in Mean Girls, did they not? I just don't know much. On Asgard, we celebrate something closer to the Celtic Samhain than Halloween," Mx Loki explained. "It's also most similar to Álfablót and Dísablót, except we don't do the same things as the mortals, so no sacrificing animals to the elves, valkyries, and dísir. Actually, on that note, I just realised I haven't had an animal sacrifice for about a century. All thanks to those dunga Christians ruining everything. No offence, Steve. At least I think you're a Christian?"
Mr Rogers just shrugged in response.
"Um, well I don't really want to make sacrifices of poor innocent animals, so can we just do Halloween instead?" I asked.
Mx Loki sighed. "If you insist..."
"I'm making the costumes with Peter!" Miss Darcy decided, appearing out of nowhere, though not in the Deadpool way.
"Yay! Okay, let's gooo," I dragged Miss Darcy away and we got started.
"Couple costumes?" Miss Darcy asked.
"Yesss," I agreed.
"Disney?"
"Yesss."
"Alright, so Stucky can be Snow White, Frostiron can be Sleeping Beauty, and-"
"Wait, you gave everyone ship names?"
"Of course! I also named Nat and Pepper 'Black Pepper' but I think they're with Wanda too now, and I haven't come up with a ship name yet. Any ideas?"
"Uh, how about Black Pepper Witch?"
"Yes!"
"Wait, who's Frostiron?"
"That'd be Tony and Loki."
"Oh. Wait, why?"
"Isn't it obvious? Iron Man and Loki, the frost giant."
"He's a frost giant? I thought he was Asgardian!"
"Nope. Anyway, how do you not know that? Number one he's one of your dads, and number two, you're friends with Deadpool and he knows everything."
"We're not friends! Not really..."
Wade appeared and gasped. "Don't lie, Spidey!"
"Bye, Wade," I sighed.
"Wait, no, I-" but then Wade got killed by Yondu's arrow that had gone astray.
"Anyway, how did you know that, Miss Darcy? Do you know everything as well?" I asked.
"I guess so, apparently. But honestly I feel kind of out of character right now, so this'll probably turn into a deleted scene," Miss Darcy said. "Except apparently it didn't. So that's confusing."
"So you really are like Deadpool!"
"I... guess so, except I haven't died yet. Anyway, back to costumes!"
"Okay!"
"Seriously, why do I have to keep dying? I just met someone who seems to understand this is all a fake reality of two bored teenagers, and I can't even talk to her!" Wade appeared again, sitting on the window with his arms crossed like a child.
"You can talk to me," Miss Darcy said, amused, staring at the man.
"Great! I think you're absolutely stunningly gorgeous and hot, and you seem amazing and like you'd be an entertaining person to talk to, because you're as aware of this fake shithole as me, and this is clearly the start to a beautiful relationship," he said, staring intensely at Miss Darcy.
"Nope," Miss Darcy said, and then Deadpool died. "Anyway, so do you know any polyam relationships in Disney, Peter?"
"I refuse to die!" Wade yelled, back on the window again.
Miss Darcy pushed him off.
"Um, not really," I answered Miss Darcy's question. "But we can make them Merida, Ariel, and Anna, because they all have red hair."
"Good idea!" Miss Darcy agreed.
"And you and Deadpool can be-"
"NO!"
"Okay, fine," I sighed. "Alright, that's all the ships, what should everyone else be?"
"Actually Clint and Pietro have seemed pretty close lately."
"Yeah but Pietro's aro."
"So is Loki, and he's with Tony."
"Good point. But still they haven't said they're together so we probably shouldn't give them a couple costume."
"Okay then. So..."
Then we decided all the costumes and made them.
I started to hand out the costumes, and found Mx Loki first. He was on his phone, which was a strange thing to see the god doing.
"Hey, Mx Loki," I greeted.
Loki looked up. "Hello, Peter."
"So, whatcha doing?"
"I'm trying to talk to Anthony but he's ignoring me again."
"It seems like you two have a pretty unhealthy relationship, which probably doesn't have a very good effect on my mental health, as I'm your child."
"Yes... We should do something about that."
"Mhm! So, any ideas to get him to talk to you?"
"Hmmm..." Mx Loki thought about it for a second then I saw in his eyes that an idea had appeared. "Aha, it's a little something called Get Help. Want to help me do that?"
"Wait, I think Mr Thor told me about that. I don't really want to throw you at Mr Stark, sorry."
"No, no, we're going to do it differently."
Then a little while later we had sent Mr Stark a photo that looked like me dying, and then Mx Loki's message, "Help! Anthony, our son is about to die, come quick!", and also told JARVIS not to tell Mr Stark what was going on.
And sure enough, a few minutes later, Mr Stark appeared.
"What's happening? JARVIS wouldn't tell me anything!" he yelled upon entry.
"Hi, Mr Stark!" I said cheerfully.
"Wh- huh?"
"Hello, Anthony. We're fine here. But Peter wants us to fix our relationship to help his own mental health. So it may not have been a physical health crisis like we made you believe, but Peter still needs our help," Mx Loki explained.
Mr Stark grumbled out his annoyance for a while but then he said, "okay then, let's do this."
"Great!" I jumped up. "I'll be your relationship counsellor!"
"Mmm, maybe not?" Mr Stark said. "I just... I feel like it wouldn't be good for a kid, for the kid, to be a therapist? You know?"
I looked down. "Okay then... Well, Dr Banner can be your counsellor! He's a doctor!"
"Good idea!"
"If we're getting a counsellor, shouldn't we, you know, get an actual, qualified, counsellor?" Mx Loki said logically.
"Relationship counsellors are expensive," Mr Stark said.
"You are a literal billionaire," Mx Loki said, deadpan.
"RELATIONSHIP COUNSELLORS ARE EXPENSIVE," Mr Stark repeated, and then more calmly, "JARVIS, can you call up Bruce?"
A little while later Dr Banner appeared.
"Hey, Brucey Bear, would you mind being our therapist? You are a doctor, after all," Mr Stark said.
"I'm... I'm not that kind of doctor," Dr Banner said, confused.
"Great! You're hired!" Mr Stark smiled.
"Okay, I should go, but I brought you your Halloween costumes," I said, and handed them out. "We made them all Disney themed. Dr Banner, you're Donald Duck just because you are."
"I-" Dr Banner said, as he looked at his costume.
"Mr Stark you're the prince from Sleeping Beauty, Prince Phillip I think, and Mx Loki, you're Sleeping Beauty," I continued. "Because Mr Stark woke you up from the enchantment on you, AKA he broke your mind control."
"I don't get that reference at all," Mx Loki said.
"Don't worry, I'll explain it to you," Mr Stark said. "Thank you, Peter!"
Then I went to deliver the rest of the costumes. I found the gaggle of redheads first.
"Hello! I'm here to deliver Halloween costumes," I said, and handed them out. "We were trying to do Disney couple costumes for those who are in a relationship, but since there's no polyam relationships in Disney, we just went with giving you all redheaded princesses."
"Wait, are we... all in a relationship together?" Miss Potts asked.
"Oh, you aren't? OMG, whoops, sorry!" I said quickly, suddenly feeling very embarrassed and anxious.
"I mean..." Miss Romanoff looked at Miss Wanda.
"I... I would like that, to be honest," Miss Wanda looked between the other two women.
"Yeah, well, I mean, I love you both... a lot... and I would be happy to be with both of you if you're okay with that, Nat?" Miss Potts asked.
"Yeah! Yes, yes, I'm okay with that. I would also love to date you both," Miss Romanoff said.
Now all three had pink cheeks, and I was smiling. They were so cute!
"Cool! So, Miss Romanoff, you're Ariel. Miss Potts, you're Anna. And Miss Wanda, you're Merida," I explained.
"Okay!" they all said.
Next I gave Steve and Bucky their costumes.
"So, Mr Rogers, you're the prince from Snow White, and Mr Bucky is Snow White," I explained.
"Uh... I'm a woman?" Mr Bucky said.
"Yes! Because Mr Rogers rescued you from HYDRA with his love, like how the prince rescued Snow White from her Sleeping Death with true love's kiss. And also Snow White, Winter Soldier, ya know?"
Both of them just nodded slowly.
Then the rest of the costumes were handed out.
And then... HALLOWEEN ARRIVED!
Everyone had their costume on, and I had a Simba costume, but then I noticed someone in the crowd wearing a costume that me and Miss Darcy hadn't made. It was Wade wearing a cardboard cut-out of his mask on top of his mask.
"What are you doing here, Wade?" I asked.
"I'm doing Halloween! I came as myself because I'm a Disney character now. Ah!" He had just spotted Miss Darcy, who was approaching us. "My beautiful princess, Darcy, hello, how are you doing?"
"So are we all literal Disney characters in real life then?" Miss Darcy asked.
"Yes! We're all Marvel characters, and as such, we're Disney. X-Men, which is me, and Spiderman, didn't use to be part of Disney, but we are now," Deadpool explained.
"Wait, if we're all Marvel, how come we weren't all Disney?"
"Well the X-Men were part of 21st Century Fox, but Disney bought that, so now we're Disney. But that's why there's no X-Men in this universe. Well, besides me, but I'm not technically meant to be here," Wade said. "Speaking of, I've been alive for quite a while now. Things are improving, just like our relationship, I hope."
"Yeah, the writers are getting slack," Darcy said dismally.
Just then, an empty plane crashed on top of everyone, but it harmed nothing but Wade, and then it flew off again, Wade, crushed, stuck to the bottom of it.
"DAMNIT, I SHOULDN'T HAVE JINXED MYSELF!" Wade screamed as he disappeared into the sky.
I started looking around at everyone again.
Mx Loki was in female form and with long blonde hair too, and he was wearing his Sleeping Beauty costume.
Mr Stark found him and looked him up and down. "Damnnn, Loki, I didn't know you could do that. Things are about to get fun in bed."
"Are you implying that my male form isn't fun?" Mx Loki asked.
"Wait, what did I say?" Mr Stark asked, worried.
"You said things were 'about to get fun'."
"Oh! Damnit, I'm bad at wording stuff. I meant things are about to get a different kind of fun, you know?"
"Good, you had me worried you were straight for a second."
"Oh god, no," Mr Stark shivered at the thought of being straight. Mx Loki gave him a look. "Oh sorry, oh gods, no."
I realised that I maybe shouldn't have been listening in on my parents talking about sex because that's gross and also possibly not good for my mental health, so I quickly ran off to the other side of the room.
And then I found Wade again.
"I've nearly wooed Darcy, I can feel it in my bones," Wade told me.
I looked over to find Miss Darcy far away from Deadpool, clearly avoiding him.
"Hm... No, you haven't," I replied.
"I'm so close, though!" Wade said, and he went to continue trying.
And then we all went trick or treating.
A lot of people were very shocked to see the Avengers (and oh yeah the kings of Earth) trick or treating at their house, and one lady may have either died or passed out, I have no idea, because we quickly ran away. But apart from that, it was fun!
We got many sugar highs, we pulled some pranks on each other, and then I went to bed. Oh yeah and my parents have a wedding date now. They're gonna get married in the next chapter, or so Deadpool told me.