Our Love Shines

by Rose Malmaison

In the aftermath of a shootout in a Mexican town, Tony heads to the airport to get a flight home. He turns up on Gibbs' doorstep with no memory of how he got there, and while Gibbs is taking care of him, and a relationship is budding, and he's trying to sort things out, the Reynosa cartel comes to town with killing on their mind. Slash DiNozzo/Gibbs

1. Chapter 1

Hi readers! I wrote this for the NCIS Reverse Bang Challenge. It's 10 chapters (32,000 words) and it is finished - but I'll post it at regular intervals. I'd love to hear your comments so it doesn't feel like I'm writing this only for myself.

Rose_malmaison
Our Love Shines

Slash, Gibbs/DiNozzo
32,000 words in 10 chapters
Written for red_pink_dots

Tags: Season 7, hurt!Tony, Gibbs' house, brave!Tony, smart!Abby, understanding!Gibbs, Jackson Gibbs, Ducky, McGee, Reynosa cartel, Paloma, Alejandro, CIA, DEA, Mexico, drug dealers do bad things, jet travel, shooting, some gore, amnesia, drugged, hypnosis, happy ending, season 7, Tony/Gibbs

Thanks go to Jacie for being such a great sounding board and beta!

Note: This begins at the end of Season 7, episode 24, Rule Fifty-One, May of 2010. As in the show, Tony is sent to Mexico to observe Alejandro, and Franks turns up with killing on his mind – but then this story goes in a different direction.

Note: I do a bit of research and then write my own skewed and imaginary version of the facts (scientific, medical, procedural).

OUR LOVE SHINES

Red Pink Dots, who created the beautiful art for this story, suggested this song as additional creative incentive.

Love Shines
~ Ron Sexsmith

In every nowhere town
There are somewhere dreams
Patiently holding out
To grab the brass ring
To see their dream come true sends a spark
Through dark end of the mind
Till light appears in happy tears
That's where my love shines
If we've disquiet in mind
There are silent days
To see ourselves defined
By all we embrace
And I long to hold you with all my might
As through the night our hopes combine
To ignite our eyes like fireflies
That's when our love shines
Our love shines
In every nowhere town
There are somewhere dreams
Gracefully reaching out
To pull love's strings
And I've seen what love can do, I understand
It's like the candle glowing in the wine
It fills a heart with silver stars
That's where my love shines
When light appears in happy tears
That's where my love shines
My love shines
Our love shines
Our love shines

… n • c • i • s • ~ • n • c • i • s …

• • • • •

CHAPTER 1

The Volunteer

Of what significance are the things you can forget.
~ Henry David Thoreau

"Agent DiNozzo? I need a minute," Vance called out, stopping Tony before he had a chance to follow Ziva and McGee from the director's office.

Tony plastered a smile on his face, hiding his impatience. It had been a long day and all he wanted to do was go home. Or, even better, go to Gibbs' home.

Vance indicated Tony should take a seat across from him at his desk. He was wearing his serious expression, the one that warned Tony he was going to be volunteered for something he'd prefer not to do.

After taking a deep breath, Vance said, "We have obtained information that Paloma Reynosa is going to be in Mérida, Mexico, tomorrow. Her brother Alejandro Rivera will be present, and they plan to hand over some very large sums of money to government officials from Argentina and Cuba in exchange for their cooperation. I need you to be there; you'll fly out tonight."

"And NCIS is involved in this because…?"

"One of the people attending this clandestine meeting is believed to be a U.S. Naval officer."

"Does that mean we don't know who it is?" Tony asked.

"We don't have confirmation yet," Vance said, sounding annoyed. "SecNav wants one of our people to be present, and that's you. Your assignment is to observe and report. Once you've set eyes on the naval officer meeting Paloma Reynosa, and confirm the man's identity, you will report to me. I will then give you further orders. Do not start anything. Understood?"

"Is this official, director?" He had no desire to get caught up in a bad situation south of the border, and then find out he had no authority there.

"Yes, it is, Special Agent DiNozzo."

"Then I'll expect to see the orders filed, as per regulation," Tony said, raising his chin a little.

Vance looked like he'd eaten something sour. "You will."

"Where did this tip come from?"

"The intel came through INCA, and they want to know who'll be at this meeting. The Mexicans are not in on it," Vance said. "There is also some concern Paloma Reynosa has a hit list of people she wants taken out in the US. No further information on that yet."

"Well, that's easy. She wants everyone standing in her way to be killed, starting with any rival drug traffickers," Tony said humorlessly. Ever since Paloma Reynosa's husband, head of the Reynosa cartel, had been murdered – and it was suspected she had a hand in killing him – Paloma had been working hard to expand the distribution of their drugs. Her men had been steadily killing off the competition, and were currently working their way north into the United States.

"True, but we should also consider she may strike closer to home. I've already assigned protection to everyone on Gibbs' team, including Ms. Sciuto. And you watch your back, Agent DiNozzo," Vance said.

So far, INCA, the International Narcotics Control Agency, of which NCIS was a partner, had proven to be as tight-lipped and secure as any government agency could be. Many in the Mexican government, on the other hand, seemed to be fueled by bribes and primarily used underhanded methods.

Vance hesitated a moment before saying, "Apparently the higher-ups in the Mexican government are looking for a way to get rid of Alejandro Rivera. The guy holds so much power over some key people – his uncle's the Minister of Defense and his cousin is a DEA agent in Mexico City, and Paloma has bribed or threatened half the Mexican government – and they're scared of both of them. INCA wants to catch Paloma and Alejandro red-handed in order to bring charges against them, as do we."

Vance gave Tony further instructions, including leaving his service weapon behind. Tony took that to mean he should carry weapons that didn't trace back to him, which made him uneasy. Not that it was a problem. He had a couple of off-the-books handguns in his safe at home, and he never went anywhere without a backup strapped to his ankle, and, of course, a knife.

As Tony turned to leave the director's office, Vance called out to him. "Remember, this is confidential."

Tony nodded, even though of course he was going to tell Gibbs what was going on; he should have been brought in on the meeting in the first place.

At times, Vance tended to hold back information from Gibbs just to exert his authority over him. Tony thought it was petty, and unnecessary, not to mention potentially dangerous, and if Gibbs learned about Tony's special assignment after the fact, he'd be fuming. There was no way he was going anywhere without Gibbs knowing where he was headed, and what he was supposed to be doing. As it was, Tony knew his boss wasn't going to like that Vance was using his authority to send Tony out of the country without even telling him.

• • • • •

An hour later, his travel bag packed and stashed in his car, Tony stood in front of Gibbs' home, prepared to counter a direct order from Director Vance.

He pushed open the front door and entered, knowing he wasn't there just to let Gibbs know about the assignment Vance had given him. The truth was, Tony wanted to see Gibbs before he left for Mexico. It was a ritual of sorts, as if a face-to-face goodbye would somehow protect him from what could possibly escalate into a dangerous situation. After all, how many times had Gibbs tracked him down when he'd gotten in a tight spot? Tony had done his share of rescuing Gibbs, too. Not that he was keeping count or anything.

He'd do anything for Gibbs. When he'd first joined NCIS, he'd had a bad case of hero-worship for his new boss. He'd never worked with anyone so driven, so straightforward, so fucking attractive before. Not that Gibbs was the best-looking guy he'd ever met, but there was something about him that had, right from the start, drawn him in like metal filings to a rare earth magnet. It didn't hurt that every time his boss's piercing blue eyes met his own, Tony's dick started to harden. It wasn't long before Tony became certain that Gibbs knew exactly what his glares, his head slaps and other signs of attention were doing to him, and that he pushed Tony's buttons on purpose.

Over the past few years, that initial idolization had been tempered by the reality that was Gibbs. The man could be downright mean at times, overworked his people until they were so exhausted they could barely stand, much less think, and rarely doled out even a hint of praise. And yet Tony still turned up at his door for the occasional cowboy steak dinner, or sat patiently at the bottom of the basement stairs and closed his eyes to the tune of the gentle, rhythmic rasp of a planer on wood, or came running when Gibbs called just because… well, he didn't really need a reason.

There was more to it than being attracted to his boss. He felt strongly attached to Gibbs, so strongly, in fact, that Tony was scared that, if Gibbs should die before him, how would be he cope? The thought of living without Gibbs in his life hurt Tony right down to the core, and if that wasn't the definition of love, then what was?

Considering the dangerous situations they consistently found themselves in, one or both of them biting the dust while on the job was distinctly possible. Tony's frat brother Mike Maloney was an actuary, and when he informed Tony that nobody in their right mind would insure him – he was simply a bad risk – it made Tony realize that he'd better enjoy life now, rather than later, because if Mike was right, there wasn't going to be any 'later.'

That brought him around to thinking that maybe it was time he found a way to let Gibbs know how he felt about him. Working out what he was going to say, finding the actual words, was difficult to do. In the end, after a considerable amount of rumination – and a bout of heavy drinking on the mistaken belief it would help his thought process – Tony came to the conclusion he just had to face Gibbs and tell him he cared for him. Like really cared for him. If pressed, he might even be convinced to admit he had feelings of … of love for him.

And no, he didn't have to tell Gibbs, but Gibbs was pretty astute, and he'd probably already figured out that Tony was worrying over something personal. Gibbs might not ask straight-out what was going on, but all it would take was a few beers after a long day, and Tony would likely let it slip: "Well, you see, Gibbs, I've loved you for a long time now, and I figured it's a good time to let you know how I feel."

Based upon the way Gibbs normally handled things, Tony expected he'd stare at him for a long, awkward pause, then sigh and tell him to go home and get sober. It would be days or even weeks before Tony would be able to meet his boss's eyes, but eventually, and without saying anything further on the matter, they'd be right back to the way they'd been prior to Tony speaking of his feelings.

But it would always be hanging there, a one-way declaration made to an infuriatingly reticent man, who Tony knew, yes he knew, had some feelings for him as well. And he'd be stuck somewhere between unrequited and hopeful, because you never really knew how another person would respond to a declaration of love, and maybe one day Gibbs would admit he had a soft spot for him. Tony didn't expect them to be romantic, or to do anything to consummate that love – although getting fucked by Gibbs had always been on his bucket list. He simply wanted Gibbs to listen to him, to understand the depth of his feelings and to accept them. Of course, a bit of reciprocation would be nice. Nice, but Tony wouldn't hold his breath waiting for that to happen.

Of course. Tony started second-guessing his feelings. Maybe he was just lonely, or needed some kind of deeper connection, and Gibbs was simply handy, he reasoned. Maybe he was over-inflating the whole thing, seeing things where there were none. Maybe it was best not to say anything, to keep his feelings about Gibbs to himself. Don't rock the boat, Tony thought.

Still, avoiding talking about it didn't mean it would go away. The bottom line was that Tony cared about Gibbs, too deeply for his own good. His heart ached because Gibbs could not (or would never) reciprocate the kind of feelings Tony had for him, and the unfortunate truth was that Tony had lived a lifetime of either being rejected, or doing his best to avoid any situations in which he was likely to be rejected. So, whether he spoke up or not, his future didn't look very bright.

• • • • •

Tony made his way to the kitchen. There was a small light on under the hood of the stove, and he spotted a pizza box on the kitchen counter. A peek under the lid told him Gibbs hadn't had dinner yet; the pizza was still warm, and it smelled damned good.

Gibbs was most likely down in the basement, working on the boat he'd just started to build. Was this the fifth one? Generally, he didn't mind if Tony hung out for a while, so long as he didn't get in his way while he worked.

The lights were off in the basement, so Tony had a quick look around. He soon spotted Gibbs sitting outside on the deck in the dark. He was on a chaise, feet up, nursing a beer. Stepping through the sliding door, Tony asked casually, "Hey, Boss, you having a pizza party out here without me?"

Gibbs greeted him with a small nod. "Grab yourself a cold one. Bring me one, too."

"You want some pizza?"

"Sure, and turn on the lights so we can see what we're eating," Gibbs said, motioning towards the small recessed lights along the edge of the deck.

After pulling two bottles of beer from the fridge, Tony grabbed the pizza box and a pile of paper napkins. Placing the pizza and the beers on a small table between them, Tony took a slice and settled in the chaise next to Gibbs. He stretched his long legs out with a sigh. "Nice evening," he commented before taking a big bite out of his slice.

Gibbs grunted. "June bugs will be out any day now."

"I hate those bugs. They're like flying dates." Tony chewed and swallowed a mouthful of pizza, then observed, "Huh. This is sausage and pepperoni. And extra cheese."

"Yup."

"But… you prefer pepperoni and onions. Has your taste in pizza evolved while I wasn't looking?" Tony teased.

Gibbs eyed Tony sideways, and said, "I got it for you."

"How'd you know I was coming?"

"Vance kept you late," Gibbs said, as if it was natural for Tony to turn up in direct response to being called into the director's office at the end of the day.

"Oh yeah. That." Of course Gibbs knew about his meeting with Vance earlier. He'd given up trying to figure out how Gibbs knew such things, a long time ago. "He's sending me to Mexico, on a strictly observe-and-report mission." Before Gibbs could say anything, Tony added, "I have to catch the red-eye so I can't stay long."

"Who's your backup?"

"Um… I'm flying solo. Like I said, I'm just there to observe." Tony quickly added, "I'll be fine."

Tony could feel the anger coming off Gibbs in waves, so it wasn't much of a surprise that Gibbs said harshly, "He's sending you after that bitch, isn't he?"

"The Mexicans are looking for a way to get rid of Paloma and Alejandro in one fell swoop. I get the feeling they're scared shitless of both of them, and the empire the cartel is trying to build. They need to catch the pair of them red-handed in order to bring charges against them." Gibbs was looking at him expectantly, knowing there was more. Tony continued, "Vance has it on good authority that Paloma is meeting her brother in Mexico tomorrow, along with some fat cats with their greedy hands held out for a boatload of cash."

"And…?"

"And… and Vance wants one of us there – that's where I come in – because an unknown naval officer is on the Reynosa cartel payroll. We need to know who it is."

Gibbs glared at him. "So you're going in alone? I only got out of there in one piece because Paloma thinks she has enough on me to make me her inside man, and all that's left of Mike Franks is his finger! What the hell is Vance thinking, sending you to Mexico?"

Tony held up a hand. "Hold on! The good news is I'm not going all the way to Baja. Just to the Yucatan. To Mérida. You know it? I went to Cancun, years ago, with my frat brothers. Beautiful water, great for snorkeling. We went to Chichen Itza, saw the ruins and–."

"Forget the travelogue, DiNozzo. Where did this intel come from?" Gibbs asked, all business.

After taking a pull on his beer, Tony said, "The director didn't say outright, but I get the feeling it's from the CIA. Or the DEA? Nobody knows exactly where Paloma is, but the word is she's joining her brother in Mérida. I'm sure the minute she shows her face, all hell's gonna break loose." He shrugged. "We know Alejandro and his sister are trying to grease the wheels so the Reynosa cartel can have a free and clear delivery route all the way to the Canadian border."

"Not exactly free," Gibbs said sourly.

"Okay, not free. Bribes are going to cost the cartel millions, but that's cheaper than getting an entire shipment impounded at the border," Tony said with a shrug.

"And why the hell does Vance think it's okay to send you down there alone?"

Tony shrugged. "I'm staying on the sidelines. I just do what I'm told."

Gibbs gave Tony a skeptical look that plainly said he knew better.

After eating another slice of pizza, Tony asked, "You think this is a wild goose chase, Boss?"

"I sure as hell don't think Paloma's going to fall into a trap that easily," was all Gibbs would say.

"By the way, how's your dad doing?"

Gibbs looked sideways at Tony. "You mean, is he making everyone's life miserable because he doesn't want the State Police sitting on his doorstep 24/7? What d'ya think, DiNozzo?"

"You could bring him here…"

Gibbs scoffed, "You ever try dragging a mule to water?"

Tony wanted to remark that the Gibbs men were alike in that respect, but he refrained from doing so. "I checked before I left the Yard and the NCIS protective detail you put in for is going to be in Stillwater tomorrow. Noon at the latest," Tony assured him. "Besides, even Paloma isn't crazy enough to attack your father. Is she?"

Gibbs' response was a loud "Hmmph."

"According to Vance and his source, Ms. Reynosa is going to be in Mexico tomorrow morning, if she isn't there already." Tony glanced at his watch. "Well, my ride will be here soon. Be back this time tomorrow." He'd arranged with Gibbs to leave his car parked in the driveway. It was easier to take a cab, and Reagan was only a fifteen-minute ride at this time of night.

When Tony rose to leave, Gibbs got to his feet. Before Tony knew what was happening, Gibbs pulled him into a hug and insisted, "You promise me you won't take any chances, Tony."

"Didn't know you cared," Tony said, enjoying the way Gibbs was holding him tightly.

Gibbs' hand caressed the back of Tony's head, and then he gave him a light slap. "You call me," he said firmly as he stepped back. "And don't do anything that'll make me come down and rescue you."

"No, Boss," Tony said, unable to stop his smile from widening. All the way to the airport he kept thinking about the warm and fuzzy feeling he'd gotten from the way Gibbs had hugged him. It gave him hope that maybe, someday, his dream of being able to kiss Gibbs, and maybe even take it further, could actually happen. But then reality slapped him on the back of the head, and he reminded himself that that was never going to happen.

• • • • •