CHAPTER 9
An Open Mind

Set adrift on the sea of love
Ride on the breeze
With only heaven above
You'll be sailing the sea of love
Open your mind
Be careful what you find

~ Sea of Love lyrics by Def Leppard

Tony went upstairs and changed. He borrowed a polo shirt from Gibbs, and pulled on a clean pair of sweatpants with one hand. His left arm was still sore, and he expected it would be a few days before he could comfortably live without the sling.

The table was already set, and Gibbs was putting bowls of stew on the dining room table when Tony joined them. "Bring the bread in," Gibbs said, making it sound like a request.

Juggling a basket of warm bread and a butter dish, Tony asked, "Ducky leave?"

"Wanted to get home. He has an agent driving him, and another will be there overnight. Can't be too careful."

Tony asked, "The others?"

"Everyone has a detail protecting them. They know how serious this is," Gibbs replied.

Jackson watched Tony as he sat down next to him. "You alright, son?"

Tony mustered a smile. "I'm fine." He caught a glare from Gibbs and amended his response. "I'm still a little out of it after being grilled this afternoon," he joked. "However, it's a well-known fact that DiNozzos bounce back fast. I'll be back to normal real soon." Although the stew looked good and smelled even better, and he was sure Jackson had spent considerable time and effort making it, Tony had no appetite. He covered his lack of enthusiasm for eating by taking a piece of bread, tearing off small pieces and eating them slowly. Gibbs and Jackson tucked in, and the whole while, Tony could sense them watching him.

"Your appetite on the fritz?" Jackson asked.

Tony looked up, intending to placate the older man, but the second he met his bright blue eyes, he choked up. "I… I don't think I can…" He stood abruptly and said, "I'm sorry but I can't," then rushed out of the dining room and up the stairs.

Sitting on the bed with his head in his hand, Tony tried to catch his breath. God, what was wrong with him? He felt as though he'd run a marathon, and when he stood up and started to pace nervously, the room was swaying. A strong arm was around his back, supporting him, and he was gently pushed to lie down on the bed.

Tony swallowed hard and slung his arm over his eyes. He didn't want to see Gibbs' expression, which was probably disgust at his weakness. "Sorry, Boss," Tony said, in barely a whisper.

"Nothing to be sorry about."

"I don't know what's wrong with me." Tony's cheeks grew hot with embarrassment.

"Hey, you listen to me, Tony. You've been through a lot, getting hit on the head, shot, making it back here…"

Tony lowered his arm. "I notice you left out all that middle stuff, like finding out I'd been infected by some engineered memory-loss drug so now I can't remember anything that fucking happened to me! I thought this antidote and the hypnosis were going to do the trick, and instead, I only know half the story, and it looks like my friend is a cold-blooded killer."

"Chris did shoot Raymondo," Gibbs reasoned.

"No big loss there, but what the fuck is Chris doing? Senator Landry almost got killed today! He should've turned himself in. Or gone back to Ohio or somewhere – anywhere other than in a brownstone in the middle of DC where Paloma and friends can find him, apparently without any difficulty!"

"Take it easy," Gibbs said in a soothing voice. "When we locate the senator, or Chris, you can be the first to ask them, okay?"

"You really think that with the Mexicans gunning for them, they'll stop by for a chat?" Tony asked, his voice rising with frustration.

"Tony, do you trust me?"

"Of course… yeah, I trust you," Tony replied, bemused. He sat up and wiped his eyes, and started to ask what Gibbs was getting at, but before he could get a word out, Gibbs was hugging him close, and being hugged was really nice, especially by Gibbs, who exuded a sense of comfort and strength and safety – all of which Tony really needed just about now.

This was sort of strange, and Tony didn't understand what was going on, and he thought maybe he should disentangle himself from Gibbs' arms, but instead, he relaxed into the warm embrace. Gibbs made a small sound in the back of his throat, and Tony grasped the back of his shirt, and next thing, Gibbs' lips touched his cheek, and before Tony's mind could even process what was going on, their lips met, and Gibbs was kissing him.

Tony was shocked, bewildered and dealing with a dozen other emotions, and then Gibbs' tongue gently entered his mouth, and Tony groaned and Gibbs groaned back, and that short-circuited his brain. His right hand wandered under Gibbs' shirt and across his well-muscled back, and when Gibbs took Tony's head in his hands and sucked on his tongue, he simply melted. Blood was pounding in his ears, and every time Gibbs made one of those sounds – of need and triumph and longing – Tony shivered in reaction, it was all so fucking intense.

Minutes later they parted with a gasp, and if Tony had ever had any doubts about whether or not he and Gibbs would feel strongly enough about each other to get physical – and he'd definitely had his share of doubts – Gibbs' erection pressing against his leg, and his own body's response, made those doubts disappear.

Breathless, Tony asked, because he really had to know, "Why? Why'd you do that? And if this is leading up to a pity fuck, you can tell me now – even though I really don't care if it is."

Gibbs smirked. "Oh, I don't think pity comes into this at all. You're okay with this?"

Tony nodded and said, "Well yeah," as if he'd be dumb to think otherwise.

"I did it because you needed it, and because… I guess I did, too."

"You did?"

Gibbs nodded and smiled ruefully. "I've been wanting to kiss you for just about as long as I remember, Tony. I guess, after everything you've been through, and seeing you so down, I finally got the balls make a move."

Tony's heart sang at Gibbs' confession. "You've really wanted to, for that long?"

Gibbs rubbed his jaw and shrugged. "Couldn't though."

"Me neither," Tony admitted. "I wish we'd done this a long time ago."

"I don't know. Probably wouldn't have worked out if we'd done it years ago."

"Maybe not. But… you think it'll work out now?" Tony stared at Gibbs, afraid to hear a negative answer.

Gibbs smiled at him, with confidence and affection. "Better than that, I'm sure of it."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I guess it's because, well, anytime things have been tough, and I wonder what the hell I'm doing, I think of you and… things brighten up. You bring me hope, I guess."

"That's fucking poetic," Tony said, getting emotional.

Gibbs took Tony's hand. "You want to do this, be with me? Long term, I mean. Not fooling around here. And, for the record, I don't do pity fucks."

All of a sudden, Tony's confidence crumbled and he looked away. "What if I forget?"

"Forget what?"

"All of this? What if, tomorrow, I wake up and can't remember any of this, the hug and the kiss?" Tony asked plaintively.

To Tony's surprise, Gibbs smiled. "If you forget, then I'll remind you. I'll hug you again, and kiss you again. I'll do that every morning when you wake up, to remind you, for the rest of our lives. And if you don't remember, we'll start all over again. In fact, whether you have problems with that memory of yours, or not, I plan to start every day hugging and kissing you. I'm here for you Tony, all the way."

Tony stared at Gibbs for a long moment, looking into his eyes. "Oh…my God. You love me." Gibbs nodded. "You… you're in love with me?"

In reply, Gibbs drew Tony into his arms and kissed him, sweetly at first, and then deeper, more possessively, letting him know exactly how he felt. Somehow they got their clothes off while kissing, and for the first time, Tony felt Gibbs' body pressed against his, all muscle and hipbones, and hot sweaty flesh, and when Gibbs moved sinuously against him, and rolled his balls in his hand, Tony thought he'd died and gone to heaven.

It was indescribable, their shafts sliding against each other. Jethro did most of the work while Tony laid back, thrusting into Jethro's fist and gasping with pleasure, and when Jethro bit him on the neck while pinching his nipple, Tony cried out and came. A few more thrusts, and Jethro followed suit, arching his back and breathing heavily as he came.

When Tony was finally able to catch his breath, he laughed. "If I forget this when we wake up tomorrow, feel free to repeat it. Just in case it jogs my memory."

Jethro, lying beside Tony, grinned. "I plan to do it, even if you don't have amnesia."

• • • • •

They ended up eating warmed-up stew while Jackson watched a war movie on TV in the next room. Tony, back to wearing his sling, needed his right hand to wield his spoon, so he had to settle for playing footsie with Jethro under the table.

Jackson came into the kitchen a couple of times more than necessary, for another helping of pie, for a glass of water, for … whatever … each time glancing casually at his son and Tony sitting at the table. He couldn't have missed Tony and Jethro casting sly glances at each other and trying not to laugh.

Eventually, Jackson said goodnight to them and said over his shoulder, "It's tough getting old. My hearing aid battery's on the fritz again. Can't hear a dang thing. Night boys."

• • • • •

"Everything okay?" Tony asked from the center of Jethro's large bed.

He had hesitated when he had gone upstairs that night, unsure if he was assuming too much; should he go to the guest room, or was he going to sleep with Jethro? In the end, he decided to slip into Jethro's bed because, after all, they should begin their relationship as they meant to continue. When Jethro came up a few minutes later, he'd smiled with pleasure at seeing Tony in his bed, so apparently it was all okay.

"Yeah, I told Dailey he and Fisher can come inside if they get cold, just to keep quiet," Jethro replied as he removed his wristwatch and got into bed. Instead of telling Tony to move over, he draped himself over him, careful not to jostle his injured arm, and moaned into his neck. "Mmm, nice."

Amused, Tony rubbed Jethro's back – he'd have to get used to calling him that – and asked, "You tired?"

"Mmm." Then Jethro's head came up and he said, "Not too tired."

A wave of uncertainty washed over Tony. "You know what, I'm, uh… not sure I can… do much. That hypnotism took a lot out of me. And, with my arm still sore and… and you sorta stripped me dry earlier."

Grinning, Jethro surged up and kissed Tony hungrily, and after a few minutes and a lot of moans and sighs, it turned out that Tony did have some juice left in him after all.

• • • • •

Tony woke up to the sound of his cell phone ringing. Without looking at the caller ID, he mumbled, "Yeah?"

"Is that how you greet one of your oldest buddies?" the voice on the other end of the line asked.

Tony sat up in bed abruptly, waking up Jethro as he did so. "Chris? What the fuck are you doing?" A glance at his watch told him it was only 0500, and still dark outside.

"Hey, hang on there, man! I wanted to tell you I wouldn't have killed Raymondo if… if I had another choice. He was going to drop you in a hole, and let Paloma do… well, let's just say she planned to cut parts off and keep you alive while doing it."

"Your dad? Is he safe?"

"Yeah, I found a place for him to stay," Chris replied. "Look, I got your message and thought… hell, I don't know what I thought."

"Tell me what happened when we left the airport," Tony demanded, his voice tight. "Raymondo was driving."

"You were still under the influence, could barely walk," Chris said with a sigh. "I knew you didn't have a chance, and all I could think about was getting us off the road so I could maybe reason with Raymondo but… hell, I knew there was no way I'd make him change his mind. He'd been sleeping with Paloma for a year and was still into her, even after all the shit she'd pulled. I stuck my gun in Ray's neck, and when he stopped the car he got his gun out. He was going to shoot me… I didn't even think. I pulled the trigger and that was the end of him." When Tony was silent, Chris said, "I've seen what she's capable of, Tony. I couldn't let that happen to you."

Tony ran a hand over his face. He could feel Jethro's warm body pressing against his side as he listened in. "Thanks for saving me, but that doesn't let you off the hook!"

"I know it doesn't, but things are complicated. I can't turn myself in," Chris insisted.

"Just… just tell me how I ended up at Gibbs' house."

Chris said, "You were slurring your words, but you were able to give me an address. It was only fifteen minutes away, so I… dumped Ray's body and drove you there. When I saw the guards outside the house, I cruised past and let you off a few doors down. I figured they wouldn't see me, it was raining so hard. I waited until I was certain you were okay, and then I left," Chris said, as if it were all in a day's work.

As Chris related what had occurred, Tony could picture it, so clearly that he knew they were memories – a bit hazy, but memories. He remembered being in the back of the car and seeing Chris shoot Raymondo. The sound had been deafening in the enclosed space. He remembered the rain, Chris driving slowly along a residential road, letting him out. "Where's Paloma?" Tony asked.

"Probably in bed with her brother?" Chris suggested with a laugh.

"C'mon, it's too early in the morning to hear that," Tony protested.

"I swear I don't know where Paloma is now, but she's not going to give up. She's gonna kill you and anyone Gibbs ever cared about, and she plans to start with you, Tony. She kept saying you were Gibbs' favorite and she wanted him to suffer. Nice, huh?"

"We're looking forward to seeing her then," Tony replied, his anger building. "Tell me the truth, Chris, was that really just a coincidence that we bumped into each other at the airport? Or were you bringing me on board, on Alejandro's orders?"

"Jesus, Tony! How can you… ? Of course it was by chance. I had no idea they were going to sandbag you, honest. Alejandro thought it was funny, the way you fell into his grasp. He said it was God's will."

Tony took a deep breath and then said, "All right. I believe you." He'd be glad – and relieved – when Paloma and her brother were caught and under lock and key.

"That's good. Look, Tony…?"

"Yeah?"

"You see the list?"

"You put that in my pocket?"

"Ray Cruz wrote it up, gave it to Alejandro. I wanted you to know what they were planning."

"Thanks," Tony said.

"Something else. About the past. I got into some bad shit. You know that. But I got clean and… fuck, I shouldn't tell you this but, what the hell, I got recruited over a year ago to keep an eye on the drug trafficking in the Yucatan."

"What?" Tony exclaimed. "Not the CIA. Please don't tell me…"

"No, the DEA. I was going back and forth to Mexico so they took advantage of that, and I've been undercover for nine months now. Nobody knows, not even my dad."

"You got Alejandro to trust you…. and Paloma?"

"They don't trust anybody. You know the stuff they injected you with? TrackMed's parent company was bankrolling the development of PCP-R, and somehow Paloma got wind of it and stole some. Apparently, I was her first guinea pig. I just… I know what you've been going through," Chris said. "Something happened to me. I don't remember any of it, but they showed me a video of me dealing in coke with some Cubans, and it's pretty damning. They blackmailed me into smuggling their drugs, flying them to the US and back, introducing them to people they could bribe or bring into the cartel. It's been… tough, even though my boss at the DEA knows everything."

"We can clear this up," Tony said. "But you have to come in. We'll take care of you, if you think the DEA won't."

"No, I trust my people. It's not that. I… I have something to do first, then I'll come talk to you," Chris said.

Tony didn't like the sound of that. "What are you planning?" he asked warily.

"Same as you – to kill that bitch Paloma," Chris said and then hung up.

Jethro put an arm around Tony and pulled him close. "We got this."

"I hate it, knowing she intends to hurt us, kill us. Abby, Palmer… what did they ever do?"

"I know. We'll get her. Today," Jethro said firmly.

Tony turned his head and they kissed. "Good," he whispered. "Because I want tonight to be just about us."

"You do, huh?"

Tony got out of bed with a groan and headed for the bathroom. "Yep, and you'd better be in good shape, Jethro, 'cause tonight I want you to fuck me until I scream the house down."

Jethro stared after him and muttered, "Better get my dad a hotel room then."

• • • • •

When Tony threw up his breakfast and collapsed into a chair, looking as "white as a sheet," according to Jethro, he knew he wouldn't make it into work that day.

"Damn it," Jethro said angrily. "I never should have let you go into work yesterday. I knew you had a concussion, and…"

"If you say you shouldn't have had sex with me, I'm gonna get mad," Tony replied in a bland voice. He didn't have the energy to fight at that moment. "Besides, it was Ducky who signed off on me going in yesterday. I think this might be from that antidote Abby cooked up. I feel weird but I don't have a headache. I've had enough concussions to know this feels different."

"Ducky left you some pills yesterday," Jethro said. He found them and gave the prescribed amount to Tony, along with a glass of water. "Think you can keep these down?"

Tony nodded. After taking the meds and resting for a bit, he felt a lot better.

Jethro, now in Gibbs-mode, ordered DiNozzo to remain at home "and rest, and I mean it," for the day.

Tony protested, to no avail, so he turned to bribery. Jethro was dressed for work, filling a travel mug with coffee to take with him. Sidling up to him from behind, Tony, clad only in sleep pants and a sling, rubbed himself sensuously against the man, and whispered in his ear, " How can I rest when every time I close my eyes I imagine your hot cock thrusting into my ass…" His good hand slid across Jethro's stomach and down to gently massage his dick through his heavy cotton Sears pants. "Mmmm, so big and all mine."

Jethro turned his head and looked over his shoulder at Tony, who was now nuzzling his neck. "If you don't move your hand right now, you're gonna need a second sling because something's gonna get broken."

Pouting Tony backed off. "You're no fun."

Jethro turned around quickly and pressed Tony against the kitchen sink, kissing him hard. By the time he was finished, Tony was melting in his arms and gasping with need. Jethro shook his head. "Fun is going to have to wait until tonight," he said with a rueful smile. "And only if you don't look like death warmed over."

Hurt, Tony asked, "That bad?"

Jethro kissed him on the temple and sighed. "No, but you're still pale. I hate to see you hurting."

"I'm not hurting, not now," Tony assured him.

"And you'll feel even better if you stay on the couch all day, watching movies," Jethro countered.

"Fine. Fine," Tony said begrudgingly.

At that moment, Jackson came downstairs carrying a piece of pipe and some washers. "That sink has been dripping ever since I got here. Need to go to the hardware store. You want to come, either of you?"

"Work," Jethro said, and headed out to his car.

"Thanks, but I'm on house arrest," Tony said with a smile, watching him go. Once Jackson and one of his security guards had gone to the store, Tony went upstairs for a shower.

As the hot water cascaded over his tired body, he thought about having sex with Jethro, and how he could do with another round of it right about now. He pictured himself on his knees, taking all of Jethro's cock in his mouth, exploring the thick, veined shaft with his tongue, sucking him hard until he came down his throat. Holy fuck, that was hot. Or, better yet, getting pounded mercilessly, shaking with pleasure while Jethro shouted his name. Aroused, Tony took his cock in hand – it jumped as soon as he touched it – and stroked it to the verge of climax. With his head tilted back against the tiled wall, panting heavily, he moaned Jethro's name as he came.

• • • • •

Tony opened his laptop and connected with Abby by secure video-con. She was thrilled to hear the antidote to the PCP-R had worked, and raved about how smart and kind Igor was, and how she should plan a trip to Russia to spend some time with him.

"Better not. They'll want to keep you, Abby."

Tony told her his symptoms and after some thought, she said, "I'll have to run it by Ducky, but it sounds like you had side effects from one of the components in the drug we created to break down the PCP-R. It's Liftonadrine, a high-test memory anti-inhibitor."

"A what?" Tony asked, getting a sinking feeling. "Wait a minute, isn't that the Alzheimer's drug they banned because college students were abusing it? It had a street name… Lift-off! That's it, right?"

"Now Tony, don't get freaked out–"

"Oh no, why would I do that? I mean, you only gave me a banned drug–"

"It wasn't banned."

"–that fries your brain–"

"It was strictly controlled," Abby said, justifying her use of the drug in question.

"–that makes me puke, and looks like all the blood has drained out of my body, and… Oh my God, it isn't making my blood drain out, is it?"

"No, it doesn't do that."

Tony stared at Abby on-screen and cautiously said, "Okay, spill. What else does it do?"

"It helps boost your memory," she said slowly, twisting the hair at the end of one pigtail.

"What else? Abby…"

"Maybe some… CSB?"

"What the fuck is CSB?" Tony demanded.

Abby sighed and said, "Compulsive sexual behavior, although I'm leaning towards hypersexuality because it's a repetitive and intense preoccupation with–"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Why? Are you having hot fantasies?" Abby asked, leaning close to her screen.

"What? No. Yes. No, I'm not… I can't tell you…" Tony wondered if this is why he'd been throwing himself at Jethro this morning, and last night, too. Fuck, and the fantasies he'd had while in the shower. "Is this all in my head or is it physical?"

Abby laughed. "Well, it's not like you have anyone to get physical with, stuck at Gibbs' house."

Tony stared at the computer screen, and his expression may have been one of dismay or possibly even horror, because Abby picked up on it and screamed, "You. Did. Not!"

As he closed the lid of his laptop, Tony heard Abby shouting, "You have to tell me all the details, Tony! In the name of science, I need to know and–"

• • • • •