"Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning-hooks into spears: let the weak say, I am strong."

- Joel 3:10

Loren told Cassie the Kings' number. She repeated it back to her, then went into her house to use the phone. She came back a few minutes later with her bookbag and nodded. "Erek says they're coming." And with that, she settled on a hay bale next to me and took her books out.

Merlyse cleared her throat. "Thanks," she said to Jaxom. "For trying to get the Chee to help. Even if it doesn't work out, well, it was worth a shot."

I was surprised at her for saying that. She said, You shouldn't be. This is part of where we went wrong with David. She's new to this. She needs extra encouragement.

"Yeah," said Quincy, flashing a fanged smile at Jaxom. "Thanks."

Loren stared at me, Jaxom at Quincy. Her stare was intense. Not like the hawk laser-eye you get from Tobias in human morph, but more like how you squint at a really hard question on a test.

Merl became a sage grouse and hopped up between Marco and me. Dia flicked her long chameleon tongue against Merl and grumbled a wordless complaint. Whether it was about the Chee in specific or homework in general Merl couldn't be sure. It was really for Marco and Dia's sake, though, that I was even willing to consider the possibility of using the Chee for therapy or whatever. They needed it. Marco was still more paranoid even than normal, quizzing me on whether I thought some teacher or another might be a Controller, and Dia couldn't joke around with the other dæmons in class as much as she used to.

"I do not have homework, kuh," Ax said, "but I would like to stay. I wish to see what the Chee will do."

"I would like it if you and Tobias and Loren could stick around a while," I said. "I want to hear what you think."

Tobias and Loren nodded. I took out my backpack and flipped to the chemistry section of my binder. I could get started on the easy problems, at least. As I worked, Merlyse kept her attention on the barn door. When she heard a knock, she turned into a horse and nudged the door open with her nose.

There was no one there.

"Could you get out of the way, please, Merlyse?" came a voice from the empty evening air. It was Erek.

"Oh," she said. "Right. Sure." She backed up, then turned into a sage grouse again to take up less space.

Once the Chee were inside, they turned off their holograms. Well, the ones that made them invisible, anyway – they all looked human. There were five of them: Erek, Delia, and two women and an old man I didn't recognize. The old man stood out as the only one among them who didn't have a dog dæmon. The hologram of his dæmon was a grizzled coyote, gray peppering her brown fur just as gray twined in thick strands through the man's black dreadlocks.

"Hi, everyone," said Erek.

"Hi," we said, with different degrees of enthusiasm.

"Let me make some introductions," Erek said. He gestured at the younger woman, who looked kind of tattered but had an elegant Afghan hound for a dæmon. "This is Lourdes Portero and Euscavier." Then he gestured to the older woman, who had striking green eyes in her bronze face and a huge black Newfoundland dæmon. "Safiya Malek and Rakhamet."

The old man stepped forward and introduced himself. "I'm Luis Javier Turner, and this is Zefirita."

"I thought we might pair off with the people we pretended to be when you were away at the North Pole," Erek said. "Since we know you the best."

It was a little creepy, but I was willing to accept it. I nodded. I wondered which of the Chee had impersonated me. Whoever it was had really got me ahead on my chores.

It was Luis who came up to me and held out his hand. "It's nice to meet you, Jake."

I shook it. Merlyse became a coyote, too, and sniffed at Zefirita's face. Zefirita sniffed back. It felt like the thing to do, even if Zefirita was a hologram. "Uh, hi," Merl said. "Thanks for doing all those chores."

"Least I could do," said Zefirita.

"What do you need my help on, Jake?" said Luis.

I pointed at my problem sheet. "Know anything about chemistry?"

Luis sat on a stack of hay bales lower than mine, so his face was closer to my binder. "Plenty. What's giving you trouble?"

"Well, okay. I do fine on simple questions, but word problems always confuse me. 'Which molecule takes the most energy to break down: N2, O2, or F2?'"

"So what makes a molecule hard to break down?" said Luis.

"Well, I guess if the bonds between the atoms are really strong," I said.

"Sure," said Luis. "So what affects how strong the bonds are?"

"Well, there's the size of the atoms, right?"

"That's true. So flip to the table in your textbook with the atom sizes and check."

I checked. "They're all about the same size. I mean, there's a difference, but not very much."

"Okay, let's think of something else, then," said Luis. "What else affects how strong the bonds are?"

"How many there are."

"Right. So let's figure out how many bonds there are between the atoms in these molecules."

He watched me draw out the diagrams for the molecules, giving me pointers a couple of times. I looked at the diagrams. N2 had a triple bond connecting the two nitrogen atoms. "That's the answer," I said, pointing at nitrogen. "That's the only one with a triple bond, so it would be the hardest to break apart."

"That's it," said Luis. "In fact, that's the reason why whole battles in World War II were fought over tiny islands of bird guano."

"What?" I said. I'd been reading a lot about war, and I remember reading about how some of the battles were fought over tiny islands, but I didn't see what that had to do with the triple bonds in nitrogen gas.

"Well, the nitrogen in living things is found in molecules that are much easier to break down, like nitrate. Can you draw the diagram for nitrate?"

I did. It had a few mistakes, which Luis corrected. "It's all single bonds between the nitrogen and the oxygen atoms," I said.

"Right. Which is exactly why both sides in World War II wanted it so badly. In the 50s they invented a way to convert nitrogen and hydrogen gas into ammonia, though, which meant they didn't need to fight over islands of guano anymore."

"Ammonia," I said. "That's NH3, right?" I drew the diagram for it. "All single bonds, just like nitrate. I get it."

We did some more problems. They got easier and easier for me to understand as they went. Luis used examples that made everything feel real and not useless, like when he talked me through a question about the density of gases by telling me about the hydrogen gas the Germans used in their zeppelins.

When we were done, I put my pencil down and looked Luis in the eye. I said, "You know a lot about World War II."

"I should hope so," said Luis. "I was there."

"How? You can't fight."

"There's more to war than fighting. I treated combat fatigue in the soldiers."

"My Grandpa G fought in World War II," I said. "Gilbert Berenson. Did you ever treat him?"

"Right, Grandpa G. Your father mentioned him when I was acting your part." Luis shook his head. "They wouldn't have sent him to me. I only saw the colored soldiers."

Merlyse noticed that Marco was finishing up his homework, and Diamanta was listening to our conversation with some interest.

"Some of them still could have used my help after the war, but the military didn't pay for it anymore, so they were on their own. Managed to stay in touch with a couple after the war. Civilian life didn't treat them kindly when they got back. Three years with the finest technology the nation had to offer, fighting with their brothers, risking their lives for this country, only to come back to life as a second-class citizen."

"I can't imagine what that's like," I said. I didn't get any recognition for everything I sacrificed for this war, but at least I was treated the same as anyone else my age.

"That better not happen to us," said Marco. "I want the full hero treatment when we win this war. Parades, fanfare, my name up in lights."

"I do hope this country is more ready for a hero of your color now than it was in 1945. Whether it's ready or not, you could be an inspiration to a lot of people."

Marco blinked. I don't think he was expecting a serious answer. "Hey, it's not like I have some big message to send to the world once I'm famous. Maybe just 'Stop fighting each other, guys, because guess what, war sucks.' Like anyone's ever listened to the zillions of people who've said that before."

"Who knows?" said Luis. "Maybe it'll carry more weight coming from someone who helped save the whole planet. It's an admirable goal, at least."

Marco and I went quiet. We don't think much about life after the war. It seems too far away, and it's scary too, in its own way. Sometimes the only way I make it from day to day on not enough sleep is to think about what will happen next in the war. It takes up so much of my brain. When it's over, what will be left?

"You're right," said Merlyse. "I think it's a good thing, to have a wish about what will happen after, even if it's kind of stupid. It's something to hope for."

"Done," Rachel declared, setting her textbook on the ground with a loud thud. "Finally. Thanks, Lourdes."

I looked around at the barn. Cassie and Delia were talking with their heads close together, obviously done with work. Erek, finished helping Marco, was talking to Ax. Loren was in a corner, deep in conversation with Safiya.

I raised my voice. "Thanks for your help, everyone." They all turned to look at me. "I think I'm speaking for most of us when I say that I'm going to bed about an hour and a half earlier than I thought."

Marco, Cassie, and Abineng nodded.

"We'd like to talk privately now," I went on, "but I'm pretty sure we'd like to do this again. What do you think?"

"We'll come when you call," Erek said. For a second I was surprised he didn't ask the others for confirmation, but then, they were androids. The other Chee had probably beamed him their answers in a fraction of the time it would have taken to talk. It was easy to forget that.

The Chee started to go. Diamanta said quietly to Zefirita, "One question. If it's not, too, uh – why aren't you a dog like the others?"

Zefirita shook her head. "Some other time."

When the Chee were gone, I said, "What do you think?"

"Getting homework help from Erek was just weird," Marco said. "In school he doesn't do so well. But it really is all just an act. He's a billion years old and way smarter than me."

"Luis was OK, though," Dia said.

High praise coming from Dia, Merl noted.

"It creeps me out that Lourdes pretended to be me," Rachel said. "But like Marco said. She's way smart. I like the idea of sleeping more. Spending more time with my sisters. My work would have taken twice the time without her. At least."

"And you had a good time, Cassie?" I said.

Cassie smiled and nodded. "With Aftran? Of course. I think Ax is right. I'm going to see her more often so I can get some weight off my chest about everything we've gone through. I think it'll be good."

I fidgeted a little. It is probably good for her, Merlyse thought. For us. We don't have to spill our guts out, but Luis could be a friend. An adult friend who knows about the war. We could talk about World War II. Nothing too personal.

Maybe. I said, "OK, everyone. I'll get the word out about the mission once we know more. When is everyone free for another homework session?"

#

I went to the Dry Lands and watched the Yeerk facility in owl morph again all night. It gave me time to think.

Of everything I had seen and remembered since Tobias first came to my house two months ago, Safiya Malek – no, Chee-koril – was the hardest to believe. I wouldn't have believed it if Jax hadn't reminded me a hundred times that I had had a baby with an alien, so I didn't have much of a right to be skeptical.

Koril had lived in Damascus at the same time as Saint Paul. She was an android created by aliens, and she had been a Christian for 1800 years.

They, Jax corrected me. They said that being a man or a woman was their human persona, not their true self.

Right, they, I said. They observed the founding of the Catholic Church – there's so much I want to talk about!

Maybe we can ask them, Jax thought, wincing internally as the Controllers' Dracon beams set a dead tree alight. If they believe in Jesus, then maybe he really is the Savior of all people, not just us. Maybe we can fight for the freedom of all in His name...

The truck never came. Just before dawn, I passed the watch to Toby and flew home to sleep.

I woke up in the afternoon, and only after I showered was I alert enough to remember I was supposed to meet Cassie at the Gardens after school. I touched my Braille watch. There was just enough time, if the bus didn't run late.

Cassie raised her voice to greet me as I approached the gates to the Gardens. I was glad she did; it was hard for Jax to pick out anyone specific in the crowd. He noticed her watching, though, as I paid for my ticket, riffling through bills precisely folded so I could tell apart their value by touch.

"No news from our friend Toby," Cassie said as she led me to a door that opened to the access corridors behind the exhibits. "You don't have to be on duty tonight, though. Tobias volunteered."

"Thanks. I'm getting a bit worried I'll become permanently nocturnal if I keep this up too long."

"You will. Trust me." She unlocked the door and entered the access corridor. "Thought about what you want to see back here?"

I flinched a little. I'd thought about it during the long night. What it would be like to have a blade like Elfangor's and use it to slit a Hork-Bajir's throat. "Is there a – a snake or something that paralyzes with its venom? I'd rather not kill anyone if I..."

Cassie's face went very grim. "No, Loren. There isn't. And you don't want that. First off, attacking someone with your mouth is... look, I think we have something in common there. Neither of us wants to do that."

I hadn't thought about that. She was right. I swallowed. "OK. You're right. Nothing where I have to use my mouth. But is there something that can just take them out? Without killing?"

She shook her head. "I tried that. With wolf morph. I thought it would be better that way. But it isn't. The Yeerks have no use for a paralyzed or maimed host. They kill them anyway. Better to do it quick, so they don't have to suffer."

I rubbed the heel of my hand against my forehead, trying to shut out imagined screams in my head. Yes, of course the Yeerks wouldn't want a worthless host. Worthless like I used to be, like my friends in the low-vision support group still were. That shut out the screams with relief. None of my blind friends were Controllers. "OK. OK, fine. You're the expert. What do you recommend?"

"There's an American bison recovering from surgery," Cassie said. "She's still sedated, so she should be safe to acquire. But she's dangerous, make no mistake. She can gore with her horns and trample with her hooves. They're said to be more dangerous to a hiker in the wild than grizzly bears. And they're herd animals. Protective, not predatory. You might like those instincts better."

Jax butted at my hand. What do you think?

Something about this decision felt momentous. So much of the hawk came through in Tobias, and Cassie had been deeply affected by her choice of battle morph in the past. What did my choice say about me? I didn't know. "Sure," I said. "Lead on."

The air took on the sharp tang of disinfectant as we entered the veterinary wing. One of the vets said, "Oh, hello there, Cassie. Your mama isn't here right now. She's in a meeting."

"Oh, that's all right," Cassie said. Quincy fluttered down from her shoulder and settled on the base of Jax's neck. "I'm not here to see her. I'm doing some volunteer work at St. Theresa's. Loren here loves animals, but she can't see them, of course, and I thought it would be really nice to give her the chance to touch the bison in recovery right now."

Quincy whispered in Jax's ear, "Sorry about this. We figured the 'poor blind lady' angle would be the best way to get you in."

Jax almost asked how they knew that I worshipped at St. Theresa's, until I remembered with a chill that they had all spied on me. Of course they knew my church.

"I guess it's all right if you're there to keep on eye on things," the vet said. "Just don't touch her face or the surgical site, OK, ma'am?"

"I understand," I said quietly, trying to project 'meek pitiable blind lady.' I'd used the façade many times before to get what I needed from people. It always made me feel dirty, and it made me feel even dirtier now. Cassie took my hand and led me on. I felt ridiculous, like a child; I could get around just fine without someone holding my hand, but then, it would give the right impression to the vet. Cassie was good at this. Scary good.

The bison lay on her side in a semi-open area, her great chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm. Hay crunched beneath our feet as we approached her. The bandaging on her side was a sharp white contrast to her dark fur.

"She's huge," I said.

"Weighs nearly a ton," Cassie agreed. "And the horns are two feet long."

I knelt beside her and touched her neck, feeling the enormous hard muscle under the coarse-furred skin. I imagined being her, the head of the herd, protecting the little ones from wolves. I could hear in my mind what my voice would sound like, resonating low in my chest. I saw the outlines of the big, blunt hooves she walked on, and thought of using them to kick bones to fragments, turning plowshares into swords. It was hard to tell when the acquiring trance was over, since the bison was sedated anyway. I gave it a while just to be sure.

"There you go," Cassie said. I got up, and she took my hand again. "Sorry. Just another minute of this."

I gave my humble thanks to the vet, who felt she'd done a good deed, no doubt, by letting a blind woman finally experience the wonders of wildlife. As if I hadn't been to the Gardens before, and listened, enraptured, to the lyrebirds singing each to each.

When we left the veterinary wing, Jax hissed to Quincy, "You have to warn us before you pull something like that!"

Quincy shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry. I thought it would be OK."

"It is OK, but still, that shouldn't come out of left field!"

"Sorry..." Quincy flew back to Cassie's shoulder.

"Well, you got the job done," I admitted. Cassie opened the door, and sunshine warmed my face. "I'll take the bus to your house with you. I'm going to visit Tobias."

"Any news from Toby?" Jax whispered to Quincy on the bus.

"I haven't heard anything. You'll have to ask Tobias."

After a pause, Jax said, "Thanks. For the advice. We were trying to make judgments about things we don't understand."

"I'm just glad you get to learn these things the easy way. Whatever mistakes you make, we've probably made them before."

Jax was struck silent by that, because it made Quincy sound so old, though he was so young.

At the bus stop, I waved goodbye to Cassie and set out toward the woods beyond her home. Tobias saw me before I saw him, of course. «Hi, Loren!»

I still got a pang when he said that. Other children called their mothers "Mom." But then, Jax often reminded me, it didn't make much sense for him to yell, «Duck, Mom!» in the middle of a mission. It would only remind him of how much he now had to lose. Anyway, he probably wasn't used to the idea of having a mother in the first place.

"Hi, Tobias," I said, smiling in the direction I was mostly sure he was. "How are you?"

«I'm all right. Last night was interesting, huh?»

"Definitely."

«Toby said you didn't see anything last night. She didn't see anything either. Ax is out there watching now.»

"I'm sure we'll catch them at it again," I said. "So, how about a flying lesson?"

«Sure!»

I smiled. Tobias' enthusiasm for flying was infectious, even if I found flying more scary than fun. I focused on the long-eared owl I'd already morphed twice by now. It wasn't any less strange.

«Oh,» said Tobias, as the long feathery tufts sprouted from my head. «You're morphing the owl.»

"That's the morph I'll be using for the mission, right? Makes sense to practice with it."

«I hate owls,» Tobias grumbled, and Jax wanted to laugh a little but it was so sad that Tobias had to deal with owls as a serious concern in his life that he couldn't laugh at all.

I got that disconcertingly sharp vision again, and Jax disappeared from sight, and then the owl mind spurred me up and up through the trees.

«Feel this headwind?» Tobias said, tacking upward. «Pay attention to the wind. It's your best bet flying at night, since there are no thermals. This headwind is helping you take off, but it'll slow you down soon because it's blowing in your face. We might want to turn around so the wind is with us, not against us.»

I focused on the sensation of wind ruffling the feathers on my face and wings. He was right. It was blowing against me, maybe a little from my left. But it was also subtler than that: it curled into vortices above my wings, splitting and shifting around the contours of my body.

That's amazing, Jax said. That openness, the flow of wind above and below and all around.

And in that moment, focusing on the complex contours of air flowing around me instead of the constant stream of painfully bright detail assaulting my eyes, I finally began to love flying.

«Let's go!» I said, banking around on my wing, reveling in the way the air moved as I scooped it with powerful strokes. The wind was with me now, increasing my speed. Tobias pulled ahead of me in moments, but I didn't care. The sky was an ocean, thick with currents, and I could navigate it more neatly than an Olympic swimmer, if I put my mind to it.

«Less flapping,» Tobias said. «We're not in a rush. You'll just tire yourself out. You only need to flap when there's no wind, or you're doing a maneuver.»

«What's a maneuver?»

«Like this.» Tobias dove, tucking his wings precisely, and grabbed an acorn from an oak tree in his talon.

«Show-off.»

«If you work at it, one day you'll be as good as me. Try a dive.»

The owl knew what to do. It tightened its wings close to its body. A funnel of wind coiled close around me. The ground flew up to meet me at alarming speed. «Aaaah!» I cried.

«Extend your wings, then scoop up!» Tobias yelled.

And just like that, there was a layer of buoyant air beneath my wings as solid as a landing tarp. «That was fun! I should do it again.»

I dove again, this time letting myself get closer to the ground before I broke the fall. It was harder this time. «How close before I'm a goner?» I asked.

«Don't say that. And don't worry, the owl always knows, even when you don't. Come on, let's fly toward the mountains. The wind is different out there.»

«Thank you. For showing me. I think I get it now.»

«I like sharing it. I know it's not mine, but it feels like I'm sharing some great secret I have. I guess I am the only person who gets to fly this much.»

That seemed to please him. Was it worth it, to him? I wondered. He missed being human, having El, but maybe he would miss the sky just as much.

«So,» said Tobias, «who was that Chee you were talking to last night? You got really into it with her.»

«They,» I said. «They told me human gender doesn't apply to them. Something like that. Anyway, their name is Koril. They're... really different from Alem and Naxes.»

«That's Mr. King and Erek, right?»

«Yes. But you shouldn't forget that those are just personas. Fifty years ago they were different people.»

«So what? A year and a half ago I was a different person.»

«Because they have a choice. If the Yeerks found you out, you'd be stuck. You can't just throw away your lives and become new people. But if the Yeerks became suspicious of Alem and Naxes, they could throw off their identities and take on completely new ones, and the Yeerks would never know. They have a lot less at stake. That's why it's important to remember.»

«I thought you wanted them to help more than they do.»

«Yes. They've been doing much less than they could, even though they're not the ones in the line of fire. No matter how much they help us, we have to remember that about them. That their first instinct was to do less, and let you take the heat.»

«When you put it that way...» Tobias sighed. «You're kind of right. I think we were all used to thinking of Erek as our classmate. So when he didn't step up to be our homework helper or getaway driver or whatever, it seemed normal, because Erek King the schoolkid wouldn't do those things.»

«It's hard to remember with Koril too. They're so nice. And so smart. They've been a Christian nearly since Christ walked the earth, and there's so much I want to ask, but what Christian sees children fighting a war for them and doesn't offer to do their utmost to help?»

«Most people wouldn't offer to help. They'd want to keep their heads down and stay safe. But the Chee aren't people. Or aren't human, anyway.»

«No. But I still want to talk to Koril. They know so much about the universe, all these things I've only just remembered again. Maybe I can reach some kind of understanding. I'd like to, if I can.»

«Let me know if you do.» We passed over the mountains, and the wind changed as we flew down the leeward side into the Dry Lands. «Elfangor could only tell us so much. If we want to learn more, the Chee, and maybe Aftran, are it. And I think we should learn everything we can. Not just because of the war, but because the galaxy is full of life and we only know one corner of it. It's like only learning the history of the U.S.»

«What about Ax? He must know a lot about the galaxy.»

«He knows some. I've been learning, from his lessons for Toby. But not as much as you think. He wasn't a very good student.»

I laughed. «Elfangor wasn't, either. When he went to college he said it was nice to finally have teachers who didn't think he was a goof.»

Tobias laughed, a little uncomfortably. «It's kind of hard to imagine Elfangor as a bad student. He's a hero, you know? Heroes are supposed to be good at things.»

«You're a hero too, Tobias,» I said softly. «Are you good at everything?»

«Definitely not. Oh, look, there's Ax. I guess he's been here a while. One of us should take over for him.»

«I would, but I can't. I don't have the digital watch. Unless Ax has it – oh, right, no need. Internal time sense.»

«That's fine. You can take my place before dawn.»

Jax groaned internally at what this was going to do to my sleep cycle, but I didn't object aloud. «It's been nice talking. You should visit more often.»

«You want me to?»

«Of course.»

«Hello Loren, Tobias,» Ax cut in. «I have nothing to report. Which of you will be my replacement?»

«Such sweet talk, Ax. Reports and replacements. It's nice to see you too. And it's me on the next watch, by the way.»

«Then I will have your company on the return flight, Loren. Be well, Tobias.»

«I'll see you later, Tobias,» I said, and Jax wanted to giggle a little, because Elfangor's formal chivalrous streak was so much more pronounced in Ax. Elfangor never said things like «It would be an honor to share your company» as Ax did.

Ax and I flew back toward the mountains together. «What is your favorite human food, Loren?» Ax said.

I laughed. «Well, if you really want to know, it's gazpacho. It's a kind of cold vegetable soup we eat when it's hot outside.» A pause to think back. «Elfangor's was cheese soufflé. It's a very hard food to make. At first he ruined it more often than not. But over the years he learned.»

«I have not tried either of these foods.»

«Right, your friends only feed you junk food. Well, I can feed you some real food when you visit me.»

«Are cinnamon buns not real food? What are they, then?» Ax sounded alarmed.

«It's an expression. Cinnamon buns are real food. But they're not good for us. It's like feeding your body junk. Thus, junk food.»

«There are grasses on the home world with low nutritional value,» Ax said. «But no one consumes them unless there is no alternative.»

«Junk food for us is different. It's food that isn't good for us but tastes good, so you want to eat it anyway.»

«Your sense of taste is not adaptive, then.»

«Maybe it was back when humans lived in the wilderness and had to forage for food. But I guess not anymore. It's still useful sometimes, though. If you taste something very bitter, spit it out. That means it's probably poison.»

«I will remember.» We passed over the mountains, back to their green windward flanks. «Do you think the Chee's visit was a success?»

He was breaking the ice! Jax realized. With small talk! He's been learning how to manage humans from Tobias!

Unless he just felt like talking about food. You know how he is about it.

No, Jax insisted. I think it was on purpose. Tobias pretends to be his dæmon, right? When he's morphed human? Tobias could have given him all kinds of tips on how to pass. He could have learned things by now about being human that Elfangor took years to figure out.

«Yes. I think so. Though I'm still afraid they'll never open up to the possibility of therapy.»

«I admit I find it difficult to imagine confiding in any of the Chee we met last night. But then, I only observed them. I did not speak with them personally. I should make the attempt.»

«You could arrange to meet them on your own. You have plenty of spare time.»

«Yes,» said Ax, sounding a little glum. I wondered how bored he got sometimes, and Jax cursed me for being insensitive.

«I'm planning to meet Chee-koril tomorrow,» I said, realizing it was true only as I said it. «Not for therapy, but... to discuss things.»

«What things?»

I hesitated. If I told him my doubts about whether I was prepared to kill the enemy, he would hold me in contempt. In his eyes, I would be three times a traitor, to Jake, to my family, and to my people. So I said, «Koril shares my beliefs. They're a Christian. I want to hear their perspective, as an alien who has adopted my religion. And it's something we have in common. That's the first step to trust, I guess.»

«Here are my woods,» Ax said, in the same way I might say "here's my stop" on the bus. «I will go feed now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, Loren.»

«See you soon, Ax.»

I flew home, demorphed, and went to my phone. It beeped at me. I had a message on my answering machine. I played it back.

"Hi, Loren, it's Ellen. I haven't heard from you about what hours you want to work this month on the hotline. We miss you here. You do good work. Call me back."

Jax leaned against my leg for support, nauseated with guilt. It had completely slipped my mind the last few days. "We can't keep this up," I said. "We have to cut some hours at the crisis hotline."

"Ellen will be so disappointed," Jax whispered. "She's right. We do good work there."

"None of what we do there will matter if all of humanity is enslaved," I said. But it didn't feel true. It wasn't much consolation to a distraught teenager that the person who could be talking them through a crisis was off fighting aliens to save the world.

"Leave it for now," Jax said. "We'll tell her in person at church on Sunday. Let's call Koril."

It would be both easier and harder in person. Easier, because Ellen would be able to see how hard it was for us to do this, and harder because we'd know how hard Ellen was taking it.

I picked up the phone and dialed Koril's number. They answered after one ring. "Hello. This is Safiya."

"Hello, Koril," I said. "It's Loren. Are you free tomorrow afternoon?"

"I'm afraid not, Loren. My Bible group meets tomorrow after work. I should be available Friday after five, though."

"I'd like that. We should meet somewhere private, so we can talk."

"Don't worry. We can be private anywhere," Koril said. "My holograms can block whatever we say."

"Seriously? And you've never offered that to the Animorphs to help with secrecy?"

"Once," said Koril, voice flat. "They needed a way to get rid of David's body."

Jax retched uselessly, uncontrollably. "OK. OK, I'm sorry I asked. But you need to talk to Jake about how to use that more. Never mind. Let's just... Rose's Diner, OK? I already know the menu, so I don't have to ask the waiter to read it for me."

"No. I'm sorry. I should have put it more gently."

I laughed harshly. "Is there any way to put that gently?"

"I suppose not. I'll see you on Friday."

I shuddered as I set down the phone. I got ready for bed and set my alarm for 4:30 am. When I slept, I dreamed of Tobias and Elhariel perched on the body of a dead boy, pecking out his eyes.