Hazel did her best to clean herself off before stumbling her way to bed. She showered for a very long time, feeling worse than she ever had before. It took her forever just to get her trousers off; her knee was swollen badly. Her baggy pyjamas hid it well, which was for the better. The other girls were starting to wander back in by the time she was done. She limped her way over to her bed, noticing that not a single one of them bothered to ask her what happened.

Climbing up to her bed was one of the hardest things she ever had to do, but not a single person noticed her struggle. When she got up, her leg ached so badly that she needed to do another quick healing charm just to have a chance of falling asleep.

The chance proved to be miniscule. The cold air of the frozen lake felt like somebody was pushing daggers into her joint. She continued laying in bed, trying to will the pain away, as the rest of the girls rose and left around her. Only when the room was completely empty did she come down, and only because she thought a hot shower would dull the pain a bit.

It did, at least when combined with another Episkey. It was enough for her to crawl back into bed and fall asleep.

She spent the entire day there, sometimes pretending to study or do homework just so people wouldn't bother her. That was hard to do. She found it impossible to focus. She just stared at the pages.

Monday was far worse than Hazel expected. She stayed in bed as long as she dared, as long as would be allowed, and then finally limped her way down to Potions. Snape seemed coldly furious that she failed to come to her early detention, but he didn't say so much as a word to her. When she turned in her vial, Snape didn't even look at her. When he swept out of the classroom, towards his office, she noticed her Comradery Concoction was still sitting on his desk, neglected and alone. She tried not to let it get to her. She waited until the rest of the class was gone, so they wouldn't see her healing her leg, and then stuffed it into her pocket. She went straight back to the common room, needing a rest before Ancient Runes. She skipped lunch, and the subsequent detention.

She left very early for Ancient Runes, heading for an abandoned cell in the very back of the dungeons. It was easy to find, being the only one without a door. She tapped her wand twice on the center brick, and the wall slid open to reveal a staircase upwards.

It went all the way up to the seventh floor, far higher than she needed to go, but it did so in only two flights compared to the four she would have needed to climb otherwise. She hoped going down would be much easier than going up.

Unfortunately, going up was far more difficult than she expected. By the time she reached the top of her shortcut, she needed to rest on the other side of the tapestry, leaning on the dusty wall. She was already covered in sweat, and she needed to reapply her healing spell.

By the time she reached Ancient Runes, she was ten minutes late, despite leaving half an hour early. Professor Babbling didn't even seem to notice; she was too enthralled in drawing a large, elaborate rune on the blackboard. Hazel took a seat in the far back, where nobody else was sitting, and tried to massage some relief into her aching joint. The swelling was down from the previous night. She wondered how many more it would take before it fully healed.

Hazel's notes were sporadic and not very useful. Just like the previous night, she was having a hard time focusing on anything. Occasionally, Professor Babbling would call on somebody, startling her enough to pay attention for a few minutes just in case, but then she'd fade back into her own misery. She somehow managed to make it through the session without being called on.

She was starving by that point, but she didn't want to eat in the Great Hall with everybody else. Instead, after a painstakingly long time making her way down the stairs (using shortcuts and hidden passages to avoid others), she snuck her way into the kitchens. The elves inside thrust all the prime dishes her way, but she ate only bread.

Her leg was hurting worse the next day when she woke. She skipped Transfiguration, so she wouldn't have to deal with McGonagall, and then dragged herself up to Charms.

Flitwick finished their lessons on the Skating Charm, Lapsius, that they'd be using outside during the final week before Holidays. When applied to an object, not just your shoes, it allowed it to skate along any surface as if it was ice. Hazel hardly paid attention. She was positive Flitwick noticed her limp as she left the classroom, determined to make it to Herbology.

"All right, Potter?" Megan asked kindly. They were working on defanging Vampiric Verbena. Hazel wished the cold would just kill them.

"Yeah," Hazel said.

"You keep limping around," Megan said.

"Tripped earlier," Hazel lied.

"Well, you should get it checked out if it doesn't go away. Don't want to make it any worse."

"I'll be fine," Hazel said with a thin smile.

Megan looked around nervously, then leaned in. "Hazel, do you want to come to a party with me? The Hufflepuffs throw one before every Holiday, and we're always allowed to bring guests."

"To your common room?"

Megan shrugged. "We're always allowed to bring friends in, so long as we escort them back before curfew. Hufflepuff wanted everybody, didn't she?"

"And you want to invite me?" Hazel asked. She tried to hide the suspicion in her voice. Megan looked away and scratched at her nose, as if she was embarrassed.

"Well, I thought you might like the company," she said.

She feels sorry for me, Hazel thought.

"I'll think about it," she said.

"Just let me know," Megan said with a smile. It faltered very quickly. "Err- I think that one's bit through your hand, Potter."

"I noticed, thanks," Hazel grumbled as she yanked the flower from her glove.

Hazel almost stumbled on her way back from the kitchens that night, twisting her leg awkwardly as she made her way down the dungeon steps. She barely managed to catch herself, but limping back towards the common room was agony, even with spell work assisting her.

When she woke the next morning, she was feeling the effects. Even the slightest movement nearly brought her to tears. She was pretty sure that if she got down, she wouldn't be able to get back up. She kept trying to work up the willpower to try anyway, between massaging and stretching her knee. Eventually, she gave up, put a book in her lap, and pretended to spend the day in bed studying and working. Nobody questioned it. It wasn't like it was unusual for the Potter girl to skive off classes. Sae looked like she wanted to say something when she came back. Hazel heard her crawl into her own bed soon after, and she never came off of it.

Hazel knew she couldn't get away with it again the next day. Lupin would come looking for her if she missed his class. She wished she didn't make that stupid agreement with him. She was already pushing her luck by not meeting with Snape and McGonagall. She rolled out of bed very reluctantly.

She thought climbing up in bed that first night was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do. She was wrong. It was walking to the bathroom on this day, leaning on various beds for support. She did so in the darkness, making as little noise as possible, so nobody would notice or call her on it. She barely managed to make it into a stall when the lights clicked on. She let the sound of her shower drown out the sounds of her cries.

Hazel waited for the rest of the common room to depart before heading out. She'd be late, but she didn't care. She took her same shortcut to the seventh floor, then took a different one to the third floor. That one was hidden behind a cranky suit of armour. It only worked in the one direction.

It was hard going. She paused outside the classroom, just to catch her breath and wipe the sweat off her face. She wasn't sure how she made it this far. Episkey barely did a thing to relieve her pain at this point. She took one last breath and then went in the classroom on shaky legs, intending on taking the first seat she could reach.

There were no chairs or desks in the room. Most of the class was bundled up near the front, standing around a shaking cabinet. Lupin was giving them another lecture, but Hazel could barely hear him.

It was the Boggart day. She forgot. She had a perfect excuse to not come. She never even turned in that essay, like she promised so long ago. Half of Slytherin wasn't here, as a matter of fact, and those that did come were occupying one corner, staring at the happy Hufflepuffs with hatred. Hazel took up in the opposite corner, sliding down the wall and coming to a seat.

"Right," Lupin continued, glancing one more time around at the Slytherins in the back. "Remember, if you can find the courage, just come join the group. The rest of you, queue up, now, and keep the image you chose firmly in your mind. We'll start with you, Perkins."

Hazel watched Sally-Anne walk towards the wardrobe, but then the rest of the class closed in around her, ignoring Lupin's request for order, and she lost sight of it. She heard her shout the incantation, followed by a great gale of laughter, but she couldn't see a thing. She leaned her head back against the wall, taking a deep breath. She didn't know how much longer she could stand it before she had to go to Pomfrey. If it was going to go away by itself, it would have by now.

"You're late," Lupin said quietly. Hazel glanced upwards. She didn't even realize she had her eyes closed. Lupin was leaning on the wall next to her, eyes focused on the students confronting the boggart. Hazel heard more laughter.

"I didn't want to see the boggart," she said with a shrug.

"We'll talk after class," Lupin said. He walked back towards the rest of the class, making a brief stop by the Slytherins. He managed to convince a few of them to give it a go, and they followed after him, but the rest stayed put. Hazel leaned her head back again, this time closing her eyes on purpose.

She was in trouble. Lupin never sounded that stern, not once before. It seemed he was tired of her. They all got there eventually.

Hazel listened to the rest of the class laugh, an occasional shriek replacing it, only to replace itself soon after by more mirth. She wished she could bring herself to join. Even if she wanted to, she didn't know what would come out, and she definitely didn't want everybody else to know.

She had ideas, and none of them were pleasant.

Finally, the class was done, and Hazel stayed seated as they passed out of the classroom. Megan shot her a sad little smile, Hazel waved, and then she was alone with Lupin. The professor kneeled down in front of her, not offering a smile of his own.

"What happened, Lily?" he said.

"Nothing," Hazel said. "I told you, I just didn't-"

"I'm referring to your leg," Lupin said. He pointed at her right one. Hazel swallowed down the lump in her throat.

"Pulled it a couple of days ago," she said.

"I do not want the story you fed to Megan," Lupin said, shaking his head. "We have all noticed you limping around since the weekend. I hoped it would pass, but you've been missing classes."

"Professor, it was just-"
"Hermione told me you came in to the castle late after practice," Lupin said. "She seemed quite distraught about it, actually. I should have called you into my office right then and there, but she asked me not to."

"She's just-"

"I don't know what happened, but something has caused you to slip back into your old habits," Lupin said. "We will discuss it after your leg is patched up. I asked Ms. Jones to fetch Madame Pomfrey once class was over. She should be here any moment."

"You didn't need to-"

"Of course I did," Lupin said sharply. "You have friends that care for you, Hazel, even if you are doing your best to push them away."

"I'm not pushing anybody-"
"We will discuss it later," Lupin said. "Dumbledore has arranged for somebody else to cover my next class, so we may talk uninterrupted. You will not be leaving until we are done."

"You can't-"

"You forget who has the map," Lupin said. He stood up again, walking towards the closed door. "I can find you wherever you go. There is no getting out of this."

Lupin opened the door, and Madame Pomfrey pushed a cart inside the room. Hazel never even noticed her knock. Pomfrey pushed the laden cart over towards her, then gave her a sharp look.

"Injured again, Potter?" she said. She sounded disappointed.

"It's just a sprain," Hazel said.

"Roll it up, now," Pomfrey said, motioning towards her leg. She started fussing about the cart. Hazel looked over at Lupin. He had his arms crossed, staring at her. Hazel swallowed down another lump, unbuttoned her robe, and then winced when she leaned over to her trousers. Pomfrey made a noise of irritation, bent down, and rolled up her right leg herself. She let out a little hiss as she got it over Hazel's knee.

"It's not that bad," Hazel said, staring up at the ceiling. She refused to look at it.

"You stupid girl," Pomfrey said, shaking her head. "Why did you not send for me immediately?"

"Poppy," Lupin said, "Perhaps now is not the time to-"

"Look at it, Professor," Pomfrey said. Hazel followed the same command, even if it made her feel sick.

Her knee was twice the size it was supposed to be, maybe even more than that, with purple and red splotches all over it. It pulsed and twitched, occasionally, making her feel like she needed to vomit. Pomfrey prodded it with a finger, and Hazel let out a sharp gasp.

"Answer the question, Potter," Pomfrey said, turning back to her cart.

"I didn't think it was that bad," Hazel said quietly.

"How have you been walking on this, Lily?" Lupin asked sadly.

"She's been healing it herself, no doubt," Pomfrey said. Hazel saw her mixing a couple of potions together. "Only way I see her putting weight on that is if she was dulling the pain. Episkey, if I had to guess, although I have no idea where she learned it. Sheer stupidity. Episkey is for minor wounds only, Potter."

"Lily, you weren't," Lupin said. Hazel didn't meet his eyes. "Why didn't you seek help?"

"Pomfrey said she wouldn't help," Hazel admitted. She couldn't stop the tears coming from her eyes, although she did wipe at them.

"I only meant it as a word of warning, Potter," Pomfrey said. She sounded a bit regretful. "I wanted you to stop injuring yourself, not to refuse treatment when you did."

"Wasn't you," Hazel said. She closed her eyes again, leaning back as Pomfrey resumed prodding at her knee.

"Who, Lily?" Lupin said gently.

"I-" Hazel swallowed again. "The- The Weasleys. I didn't want them to- to know."

Pomfrey snorted. "With all the twins get up to, Potter, I doubt they would have minded."
"They h-hate me," Hazel said. "I- I'm just a- a nuisance."

"She's staying with the Weasleys," Pomfrey explained to a confused Lupin.

"When was the last time you heard from them, Lily?" Lupin asked. He put a hand on one of hers.

"I h-haven't r-read any of their l-letters," Hazel said.

"I'm sure they don't hate you, Lily," Lupin said. "From what I have heard, the Weasleys are wonderful people."

"I-I'm not," Hazel choked out. She wasn't bothering to wipe her eyes anymore, but she was keeping them firmly shut. "I-I'm the p-problem."

"Poppy," Lupin said after a long pause. "Can you fix her? I think it best if I talk to her alone."

"Of course I can," Pomfrey said, "But it won't be easy, with how much damage she caused. Her frequent spells may have caused some irreparable issues."

"You said-"

"I can get her walking again, but she'll need more," Pomfrey said. Hazel felt her put a potion to her lips. "Drink this, Potter, it's a Strengthening Solution."

"What kind of assistance will she need?" Lupin asked. Hazel downed her potion, and then set the empty cup to the side.

"She'll need a brace and a cane, for starters," Pomfrey said. "Brace will likely be permanent. Cane will come and go. She'll need Strengthening Solutions, too. Weekly, until Easter, and then monthly afterwards. She'll need to work on it for an hour every night, to keep it strong. I recommend squats. That'll work it adequately enough."

"I don't-" Hazel said, taking a moment to clear her throat. "I don't need a cane."

"Should have thought of that before you self-medicated, Potter," Pomfrey said. "You won't need it all the time, at least not after the Holidays. You can shrink it, carry it in your pocket, and bring it out when necessary."

"But-"

"No arguments, Potter," Pomfrey said. "I am sorry it came to this, but there's no going back, now. Your healing charms have done some work, and not what we wanted done. I can't undo it, not with how many times you cast it. None of us are licensed for the proper treatment. You'd have to visit St. Mungo's over the summer for a consultation. The best I can do is make sure it doesn't cripple you. You'll need to use the cane until the Holidays. The brace stays on, except when you're sleeping. Do what I say, and you might still be able to play Quidditch when we're done. Refuse, and I'll make sure you never touch another broom at this school again. Do I make myself clear?"

Hazel nodded. Pomfrey seemed to take that for confirmation, and then touched her wand to Hazel's knee.

"This will hurt," Pomfrey said. "But I need to get the swelling down so the brace will fit. You can scream if you need to. Remus, be a dear, have the thing ready to clamp down as soon as I'm done."

Hazel didn't scream, once Pomfrey cast her spell, but she had to fight hard against the urge. It felt like her knee was cracked open, everything bursting out of it. She had her eyes clamped tightly, each agonizing second threatening to crack her clenched teeth. Finally, it was over, and Hazel doubled over in relief, her breathing come in deep gasps. When she opened her eyes, her knee had a sleek, black brace over it, and while the colouration was still off, it was back to normal size.

"Done," Pomfrey said. She stood from her position near the ground. "There will be a Strengthening Solution by your bed every Thursday morning when you wake. Make sure you drink it. After Easter, it'll be there every third Thursday. You'll still be aching at the end of every day for at least a month, but it'll be gone by the time you return from the Holidays. Speaking of Holidays, you'll need to purchase or brew your own potions during them. Once you're stronger, the pain will be mostly gone. You may feel it again after a particularly long day or a very stressful task. Use the cane as needed. Send for me immediately if it ever gets that bad again. Do not attempt to walk on it. Got it, Potter?"

"Yes," Hazel said quietly.

"Then I'll leave the two of you," Pomfrey said. She pushed her cart towards the door. Lupin let her out, then walked back over to Hazel. He leaned against the wall, then sat down next to her. He was silent for a long time before he spoke.

"Would you like some tea?"

"No," Hazel said.

"Perhaps a more comfortable seat?"

"No," Hazel said. She didn't feel like she deserved it.

"Can you stand?"

"I don't know," Hazel said with a shrug.

"Let's find out," Lupin said. He put his arm around Hazel, grabbing her under her shoulders, and together, they got her off the ground. Lupin placed the cane Pomfrey left behind firmly into her hand before he let go.

Hazel took a step forward, leaning heavily onto her cane. Her leg still hurt, but it was significantly better than before. Each step didn't make her wince, didn't bring her close to crying.

"I'd like to ask a favour of you before we begin, Hazel," Lupin said. He stood close to her, just in case she wobbled.

"What?" Hazel asked, taking a deep breath. Walking was still exhausting.

"I would like you to face the boggart," he said. "I believe it will do you some good."

Hazel glanced up. He guided her to the wardrobe, all without her noticing, and he was standing by it now, ready to open it.

"I don't know," Hazel said nervously. "I- I don't know what- what it will turn into."

"If you are unwilling, we will start somewhere else," Lupin said, giving her a kind smile. "Do not worry. I will stop it if you cannot handle it. You have my word, Hazel: I will not tell a soul what happens here tonight. I did the same for Hermione, months ago."

"Hermione?" Hazel asked.

"I did not tell you, because she asked me not to," Lupin said. "And those who witnessed it agreed to do the same. I believe that was a mistake, now. This is the same boggart that they faced, Lily, back in September."

"But you said they killed it," Hazel said.

"I did," Lupin admitted, "But only because I thought it a mistake to let them face it. I changed my mind, later. It was a valuable experience, and Hermione herself told me she did not regret it. I decided it was best you lot get the same, but I wanted to come in more prepared for it. We'll chalk it up to my own inexperience; I didn't want to be caught off guard again."

"What was her Boggart?" Hazel asked.

"You," Lupin said. "Or, rather, you, laying on the floor, dead, with the Basilisk's fangs still sunk into your arm."

Hazel swallowed hard, shifting her weight awkwardly. "I- I never knew."

"I didn't expect it," Lupin said, "Nor did she. She was lucky; most of the class wasn't paying attention. I am not sure if any of the Ravenclaws saw. They had already gone, and were busy talking amongst themselves. If they did see, they still chose not to talk about it."

"I don't see how it's supposed to help me, Professor," Hazel said.

"You told me before that you weren't sure what your boggart would be," Lupin said. "You cannot carry these burdens if you are not willing to face your past. I do not know what happened to you. From what your friends have told me, you refuse to talk about it, even to them."

Hazel glanced at the wardrobe. Her stomach was caught in knots again.

"What is your boggart?" Hazel asked.

"A full moon," Lupin admitted after a long pause. She got the impression he didn't want to admit it, but he thought refusing to answer would scare her off. He was right.

"Why?" she asked.

"I don't suppose I can convince you it is not important?"

"No," Hazel said. "If you tell me, I'll do it."

"I am a werewolf," Lupin said with no hesitation. "I have been since before Hogwarts. The full moon is my fear because it causes my transformation. My biggest worry is that I will attack somebody while I am transformed, but the moon is the cause of it all."

Hazel nodded. He never missed any of her classes, but she knew he did for others. It made sense. "Did my parents know?"

"They did," Lupin said. "Your father found out in our third year. I will never forget his kindness. I worried he would leave, that he would tell the others, and I would be forced out of the school. He kept my secret, instead, and treated me as a brother."

Hazel nodded. "I won't tell either, sir."

"Thank you, Lily."

"Do I have to?"

"You do."

"Open it," she said quietly. Lupin clicked the lock open, and then took a step back. Hazel raised her wand in a shaky hand. The door was cracked open slightly. And then it swung open fully, and the scene in front of Hazel came to life.

To any other person, it might have seemed perfectly normal. In fact, Lupin seemed confused. Hazel, however, took a step back, a panic coming over her.

The staircase ran upwards, over the white door with the golden latch and the small, slitted window on the outside. The walls were painted a sickening off-white colour, and they were adorned with frame after frame of a happy, smiling family of three. Vernon and Dudley had hardly any neck, they were so large, and Petunia's thin frame was stuck between the two of them, smiling so proudly and happily. Not a single one of them had her in it.

Hazel didn't even really have the time to properly check. As she searched around, the cupboard door swung open, revealing the cavernous darkness within. She took an involuntary step back as a spike of pain shot through her brain. Hazel smelled something burning from the kitchen. Somebody was crying down the hall.

"Lily!" Petunia shrieked. There was a loud smack. The crying grew louder. "You stupid girl, why can't you do anything right?"

There was another smack and then, from the left, Petunia's tall, crane-like body was dragging a small, red-haired girl by her head. The girl kicked, cried, and tried to drag herself out of her grasp, but it was no good. Petunia tossed her into the cupboard and slammed it shut. The door shook slightly, when the girl tried to open it, tried ramming it open by throwing her full body against it, but Petunia slid the lock shut.

"Thank you so much, Lily," Petunia said with hatred. "I'll have to clean your mess. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"P-please," the girl whined from inside. "I-I-I did-didn't m-mean to, p-please let m-me-"

"You should have died with your freak of a mother," Petunia said as she closed the flaps, trapping Lily fully inside the darkness.

The staircase morphed, changing into a silvery moon hidden behind dark storm clouds. Hazel felt herself wobbling, threatening to keel over. She managed to catch herself, her cane propping her up, her head thumping with each rapid beat of her heart.

"Riddikulus," Lupin said with a wave of his wand. The moon transformed into a squealing balloon and Lupin forced out a laugh. The boggart flew back into the wardrobe for safety, and Lupin quickly clicked the lock before it could get back out.

Hazel felt herself falling backwards. Lupin waved his wand, aimed in her direction, and she fell into an armchair, sinking into its comfort. Her body was shaking. Her wand was on the floor. She dropped it without noticing. Lupin placed it back into her hands. She hung it in a loose grip. She couldn't take her eyes off the ground.

"What happened, Lily?" Lupin asked quietly. "What was that?"

"You saw it," Hazel said, her voice trembling.

"All I saw was a staircase and a door," Lupin said. "Why does it terrify you like this?"

"It's not the cupboard," Hazel said quietly. "It- it's the m-memories."

"What happened?" Lupin asked gently. Hazel swallowed down the lump in her throat.

"I don't like to remember," she said.

"Please," Lupin said. "I know its hard, Lily, but talking it through, facing these memories- it'll help you. I promise."

"That was where I lived," Hazel said after an excruciating silence. She was crying again. "Where my Aunt and Uncle kept me. If I did anything w-wrong, they'd shut me in. That's- that's what the- the lock was for."

"They did not give you a room?"

Hazel shook her head. "I didn't deserve it. I- I couldn't do anything r-right."

"Lily-"

"Petunia was the one who wanted to call me Lily," Hazel said, unable to stop herself. "I went by Hazel until I was s-six."

"Why did she want-"

"It was some tradition," Hazel said. "'We've always named the daughter after a flower,' she said. A- a teacher, during a- a conference or something, they called me Hazel and- and she-"
"It's okay, Hazel," Lupin said. He put a hand on hers again.

"They put me in the cupboard for the whole Holiday," Hazel went on, "until I could 'learn my name.' Every day, she'd ask me, and if I didn't- didn't say Lily, they would- I- I didn't argue after that. I was always Lily."

"Did they hit you?" Lupin asked. He sounded angry.

Hazel nodded. "I deserved it. The- the first was- It was Dudley's birthday. He was 7. I was- was at the stove, cooking breakfast. I- Dudley was throwing a tantrum. I was supposed to- to go with them to the zoo, see, but h-he didn't want me to, I always made everything worse, and- and Petunia promised him that they'd leave me somewhere else. I was- was 6. I wanted to go. I'd never been before. Petunia, she- she yelled at me, but I just- just didn't get it, and I- I got distracted and the- the food burned. I deserved it. I- I ruined e-everything."

"Why did you never tell anybody?"

Hazel swallowed again- staring at the ceiling to try and stifle the tears. "I- I just- I don't know, I- I didn't want to- I wasn't supposed to- to-"

"Why didn't you tell anybody after you left?"

"What was the point?" Hazel said. "Nobody- nobody ever asked, Professor, they- they didn't actually care what- and I- I deserved it, I always did, so- so, I-"

"It's okay, Hazel," Lupin said. He pulled Hazel tightly to him, closing her in a hug. "They can't hurt you anymore. You're okay now. Things will get better, I promise."

Hazel pushed him away then stood up, leaning on her cane. "But I'm not okay, Professor, I'm- I'm not."

"Hazel, I promise-"

"Nothing ever gets better," Hazel said. "Nothing. There's- Nobody wants me- wants me around, Professor, nobody- not even- Gran didn't want me, see, she always- m-my parents didn't want me, they- they didn't want a g-girl- and the W-Weasleys, they don't- They gave me a room, yeah, but they've never- never- I-"

"Hazel, please, calm down and-"
Hazel paced faster, her face twisting. "They hate me. I- I heard them, Professor, just- the- the night before we left, before the- the train- they think I'm a- a- a nightmare-"

"Hazel, I promise you, you're-"

Hazel raised her voice. "I'm not, Professor, I- they write to me and- and I'm just- I annoy them, I just- I just want them to- to-"
"Hazel-"

"I'm not their kid," Hazel said, wiping at her face. "I- They have a clock- it- it has a hand for- for every family member and I- I'm not on it- I- I don't even have a- a picture-

"Hazel-"

"I try my best- but- but I'm always- I- I just- why doesn't anybody-"

Lupin pulled her into another hug. She never even noticed him stand.

"Hazel, I promise you, you're-"

"Nobody wants me around," Hazel continued. "I- None of them do, I- R-Ron won't even talk to m-me, I- my stupid cat killed his rat and- I want to apologize but he won't even l-look at me- and- and- and Hermione I- I-"

"Hermione loves you, Hazel," Lupin said. He let her go, so he could stare into her eyes. She was surprised to see that he was crying, too. "I promise you that. You were her Boggart. Losing you is the thing she fears above all else."

Hazel moved away, finally, resuming her manic pacing.

"But I- She'd be- be better off if I- if I was-"

"Don't say it-"

"If I was dead," Hazel finished. "You- they- they all would be, I- I wouldn't be such a- a burden anymore- and- and-"

"Hazel-"

"Nobody would miss me, not really, they- they could- could-"

"Hazel, I promise you, people love you, people-"

"I can't take anymore, Professor, I can't," Hazel said. She crouched, not able to hold herself up anymore. "I just- every day I wake up and- and I can't even get out of bed, sometimes, Professor, not unless- unless I force myself to- I have to- to promise myself, 'Just one more day,' but it never gets easier- I don't want to- I- I just want it to- to end-"

"Hazel-"

"I can't stand it here," Hazel said. "I- everybody hates me- I- I hate them- every single one of them- I just want to be- to be-"

"Hazel-"

"I wish I'd never written that stupid letter," Hazel said. She was on her feet again, yelling, her throat hoarse. "I wish I'd never come to Hogwarts, I wish I'd never been- been born- I wish-"

"Hazel!"

"I wish I'd never left the Dursleys," Hazel said. "I hated them, I hate- but I was- I could pretend to have- have- a- a family- but- but here, not- I don't want to be at H-Hogwarts anymore- everybody hates me- I can't go through a single- a single day without- without somebody telling me I'm better off dead or- or-"

"Hazel-"

Hazel wormed her way out of his grasp again. "What's the point? I- I thought I'd escaped, I thought I'd- I'd be happy but- but now I don't even want to be here, I just- I just- I- Why couldn't the- the H-Hat just-"

"We can ask him again, Hazel," Lupin said calmly. "We can convince him to-"

Hazel shook her head. "We can't- I- I- I don't even want to go back, not anymore, I- I couldn't look at Her-Hermione because- I- I wish- I- I can't stand it anymore- I wish I'd never- never-"

Hazel squeezed her eyes tight, her mind twisting in agony, a primal sob tearing out of her. She nearly fell, but Lupin hurried to catch her. She shoved him away, both of them collapsing to the ground. Hazel scrambled to her feet.

"Hazel, don't-"

Hazel ran, her cane discarded on the ground, Lupin yelling after her. The door was still unlocked, and she got through it before the Professor could fix that mistake. She ran up the stairs as quickly as she could. She could hear Lupin shouting after her, but the halls were thick with people, some also calling for her, but she didn't care, she kept running, all the way up, as far as she could go. Her leg was screaming at her in protest, begging her to stop, begging her to rest, but she ignored it, she didn't care. She reached the seventh floor and ran off down the left corridor.

She turned, sprinting past a blurry tapestry, heading for the Gryffindor common room. She needed to find Hermione, she needed to-

She couldn't go that way. She couldn't say it, she couldn't apologize without saying- without-

She turned back. Lupin was on the floor, running towards her calling her name in desperation, bringing the attention of a few lingering to students to her agony. Hazel couldn't take anymore. She turned back again, looking for another way out, just wanting, just needing to be alone-

There was a door across from the tapestry, one she'd never seen before. She wrenched it open, threw it closed behind her, and then collapsed against it, back pressed against the solid wood, her chest shaking with her ragged sobs.

"I wish I'd never saved Hermione," she whispered, her voice silent as death.