Coping

25th of August, 2006.

Where do I start with this? I'm not even sure if this is even going to help me. Is this supposed to be for my eyes only? I guess I'll pretend that I am writing for someone else. Yeah, like a future me or something.

My name is Miles "Tails" Prower, and as of now I am twelve years old. It's funny really, if you told me I would be here doing this five years ago, I probably wouldn't believe you. Things used to… Hurt… Back then… I still don't know how to deal with pain like that, you know. I mean, I wouldn't be writing this if I knew how, probably. I just started writing in this notebook cuz Sonic told me it would help.

Jeez, can't get my thoughts across. Get to the point, Tails…

Alright, so, the reason I'm writing this is because of Sonic. He is… Sick. Very sick…

At first it started off innocently enough. He used to, like, cough every so often, and people just assumed that it was dust or allergies or something like that. Ugh, we were all so dumb and stubborn. Even when the coughing got worse, Sonic just kept acting like nothing was wrong. But there were other signs. Tiredness, drowsiness, all that. And we knew nothing about it 'till it was too late.

It was about a week ago that everyone got worried. It was supposed to be a friendly gathering that day, and there were about six or seven of our friends, I think. Sonic was feeling very lightheaded that day. We were all just chatting, hanging out, and then Sonic just coughed real bad. It looked so painful; it was like he was coughing his lungs out… And then came the blood... The blood on his hand... And we were all just staring at him, who was barely standing straight, and there was this huge splatter of blood he coughed out.

I'm sorry, just need a minute.

We rushed to the hospital as quickly as we could. Luckily, all those heroic deeds he performed counted towards something, so he was quickly sent for testing and later assigned a room.

It took hours before I saw him again. I was just waiting there in the hall, with my friends. We were all so silent, it just felt so wrong. I felt my heart beat loud and fast, it felt as if it was gonna just jump out of me. I couldn't sit still for a minute, I just stood up and walked in circles repeatedly. After about an hour all my friends left, one by one, until it was only me left. Alone. Nervous. And there I was, waiting for another good hour. Someone had to wait, and it couldn't have been anyone else but me.

…

The doctors told me they didn't know what was wrong with him. They ran all the possible tests they could apparently, but they'd never seen anything like it. Whatever condition Sonic had, no one else had… Yeah, of course I couldn't believe it. I mean, he was always so healthy and full of life. It's like, it had to be a joke. There's no way for someone like Sonic, who is probably one of the fittest people I knew, to suddenly get so badly sick. And these doctors just come out after a painful two hours and tell me that they have no f*****g clue what's wrong with him.

Sonic wouldn't want me to swear like that, huh. I'll just scribble over it, y'know, like I am retracting it.

I might have yelled at them. I mean, I know that they did their best, but back then, I thought that they were the most incompetent amateurs the world has ever seen. I'm sorry, you guys, I appreciate your patience with me.

They took me to see Sonic in one of the hospital rooms, and he just seemed so different. Something has left him that day. I'll never forget that awful feeling I had when I saw him, looking at me with those big eyes, saying how he's gonna be ok, even though we both knew he was lying.

I am such a coward. Or maybe I'm lazy. Or just plain stupid. I should have visited him more than once this week, it was clearly the logical thing. But I got scared, I just didn't wanna face Sonic in that state again. If we had gone the moment he coughed like that, then maybe he would have been okay. Maybe whatever thing he had could have been easily treated. What kind of friends were they when they didn't insist on Sonic paying a visit to the doctor? What kind of a brother was I? I hate them, and I hate myself for letting this happen.

Alright, I'm calm. It's ok now. I just needed to let it out. I didn't mean what I said just now.

I got a call from the hospital two days ago. They, um, said that they were trying out some treatments. They think it's something like cancer, and they didn't actually say what treatments they were using, but I know chemo and radiation are used to treat cancer so they probably went with that. They said it was too early to determine whether or not they could treat it, but I have hopes. We're talking about Sonic after all. There's nothing he can't defeat.

None of my friends have really said anything to me. I haven't really talked to them lately. Actually, wait, speaking of them, I have this suspicion that they know something that I don't. I mean, I could be just imagining things. To be fair, we're all shaken up by this. But like, they just don't seem as confident as I would like them to be. Is that just how adults are? Just some lonely people full of doubts and stuff? I don't wanna grow up to be like that.

Heh, I guess these past few days I've been more of an adult then. Should change that. Gotta visit Sonic more. Just rather not be lonely. I can't really stand it. I mean, I do stay up at night when people are asleep to do my own stuff, but even then I know someone is in the other room. Makes sense, doesn't it.

I don't know what else to say. Is that just it, then? Jeez, I have loads of questions and for the first time in years I have no one around to answer them for me. I'll just leave this here.

Sonic, if you see this somehow, get well soon! Luv ya!

Goodbye!