Author's Note:

Ooof, here we go, the second to last chapter. The last one will only be sort of an… epiloguesque one (is that a word? :D )

It really still feels odd that we're already at this point. I hope you're still not tired of the story, because it just keeps getting longer and longer :D

In any case, I hope that you enjoy the read.

Chapter CXLIX – Come to an End

"You know… I… I was so angry."

Aeyrin continued to speak quietly. Bishop wasn't sure if she was just trying to save her sore throat or if it was just sorrow talking. She may have suffered from the same uncomfortable lump in her throat as he was.

"When I found the bounties… and… that other thing… what was that?" she scowled briefly.

What was she talking about? Bishop had no idea what 'other thing' she was referring to, but he didn't really care enough to ask. He was too anxious to get even a word out anyway. She said that she didn't hate him, but… why did he still feel like he was walking to an executioner's block?

"I-it… doesn't matter…I guess," she sighed while her eyes still refused to meet his. "I just… I didn't even think about it that much. I was so angry that you kept things from me. Even before I found those things I… I tried to leave the tavern. I wanted to at least look around the city but the men there stopped me. So I… looked for your potions. And when I found the bounties… I… I just left. I thought that you kept things from me because you didn't trust me. Because you thought that I'd mess things up, like at Fellhammer. I was so mad. I wanted to show you that you were wrong. I wanted to show you that I could take care of this even if you didn't think so. And then I… I only realized that I had no idea what to do or where to go when I was deep in the forest. And before I could return… I… stepped on a trap." Aeyrin shook her head with a disappointed frown on her face, as if she was chastising herself silently.

"I… I know that I should have controlled myself," she continued with a palpably quivering voice. "I know that I made everything worse. I… I should have waited for you… to talk about this… but… but…" I didn't believe that you would tell me the truth.

"Love," Bishop's voice cracked. His eyes were trying to meet hers desperately, but still she kept them averted. "Don't blame yourself for this. This was all my fault. I did the same shit that I did with Jules. I should have talked to you and instead… instead I drove you to… this…" his words trailed off. He was not even sure how to properly describe the horrors that his insecurity had gotten her into. "None of this would have happened. I knew what it meant to drag you into my life. I knew that I wasn't free of this shit. But I… I didn't care at first. Not when… not when you were with me. And then… when everything started to catch up to us… I… I couldn't let you go." Bishop himself was a little caught off guard how choked up he sounded just now. He couldn't help but avert his eyes from Aeyrin in turn, even though she wasn't looking at him anyway. He couldn't stop wondering, constantly. Would things turn out better if he had told her, if he had tried to find a way out of this with her? There was still something telling him that things would have turned out even worse, but… maybe he was just kidding himself. Maybe he was just telling himself that to make himself feel better about all this. Pfft… as if he was actually feeling better. He was pretty sure that he couldn't feel any worse.

"I wouldn't have wanted you to," Aeyrin whispered. She couldn't even imagine letting him go. Not back then. Even if he had told her all this, she was sure that she wouldn't be able to keep herself away from him. Back then.

"Keeping all this from you… it was killing me," Bishop continued to speak with a strained voice. "But I… I couldn't stop. Not when I thought the truth would make everything worse. When I thought it would put you in danger. But… but the lies were no better." He took a deep shuddering breath. The next words left a bitter ashen taste in his mouth. "I did this to you." He lowered his head mournfully. He was unable to say anything more after that. The lump in his throat felt like it was choking him.

Aeyrin's brows creased deeply at his words. She couldn't let him think that. No matter what her heart was telling her to do, she couldn't let him blame himself for the pain she had suffered at least. She still felt angry, she still felt betrayed, but he couldn't think that what that monster did to her was on him.

"You didn't," she said resolutely. "You know this Bishop. Mercer wanted to use me even without you in the picture. I… I would have gone against him even without your encouragement. And… and…" She couldn't say Thorn's name. "He... he didn't do this because of you. This… could have happened with or without you. And… without you, I wouldn't be alive now."

Her eyes finally turned towards him with resolve but he didn't look like he believed any of what she had just said.

"Bishop, look at me, please," she whispered quietly.

It took him a long time to avert his eyes from the ground and to finally look up at her.

"This was not your fault."

Bishop nodded slowly, but his face remained forlorn. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve her forgiveness. He thought that he'd almost feel better if she was angry at him. He feared that she'd feel a gnawing silent resentment, that she'd still blame him in the back of her mind, even if her reason told her not to.

He wanted to do something to fix this. To make up for this.

But how could anyone ever make up for this?

"Come here, please." Aeyrin beckoned him over once more with a soft voice.

He stood up on his feet with effort and only with the support of the wall again. He walked towards the cot much too slowly and uncertainly as she sat there, covering herself with the blanket.

He didn't sit by her side when he reached her. He just stood by the cot rigidly only a hair's breadth away from her.

She reached out with her hand, but this time, she didn't touch him. Her hand hovered over the skin of his shoulder and it lit up with magic only a second later. The light was much fainter than usual. She definitely didn't have enough strength in her to do this, but she still made the effort.

The wound on his shoulder got smaller, but it didn't close. Still, she repeated the same process over the gashes over his torso and arm. None of them closed fully, but at least it did feel better. And it made him feel better that she still wanted to help him, despite everything that she had just learned.

Aeyrin did her best to work on the wounds, although in the end, he still looked all battered and bruised. But she hoped that it helped at least a little. The wounds on both of their bodies were too severe to be healed in her weakened state. They needed to get to a temple. The sooner the better.

"Are… are there any clothes here?" she asked him after a while and, for some reason, she averted her eyes from him again, staring into the ground.

Bishop went over towards the drawers where he had previously found the rags and he began rummaging through them. After checking all of them, he finally found a large robe and one pair of old worn shoes. It wasn't much but it was definitely better than nothing.

He brought the things back to her and promptly handed them over without a question. He still felt like he couldn't talk, so he just waited for her to drape the robe over herself and dispose of the blanket.

There was still so much tension in the room, even after he had told her everything, even after he had laid his secrets bare.

Anyone could feel it.

Even Karnwyr was shifting uncomfortably. It appeared to have an effect on him too. After some time, the wolf got up on his feet and stepped up on the stairs leading up to the trapdoor with his head hanging low, and a low whine escaping his maw.

No wonder he wanted to escape this.

Bishop moved towards the trapdoor with a deep sigh and he held it open for him before the wolf darted forth, rather faster than Bishop had expected. Perhaps he was worried that Bishop would change his mind and keep him there with them in the uncomfortable atmosphere.

Everything felt so… off. He still had no idea what Aeyrin was thinking. He closed the trapdoor again and walked back towards the cot to stand some distance away from it. He idly put his hands in his pockets, uncertain what to say next, when his fingers felt something cold against them.

He had almost forgotten about it.

He pulled out the silver ring on a thin leather strip from his pocket. He didn't know if Aeyrin still wanted this – the thought that she wouldn't, sent a painful jolt through his chest. But he still wanted to try. He wanted her to have it.

He reached out and stretched the string to drape it over her head while he held his breath.

He wasn't sure if he could take it, if she refused it.

Aeyrin didn't say a word. She kept looking down on the floor, but she must have seen what he was doing out of the corner of her eye. He waited for a while, worried that she would flinch or shake her head, but she didn't stop him, allowing him to lower the string with the ring around her neck. It dangled over her borrowed robe and she watched it with a deep crease between her brows.

She stayed silent.

She couldn't even process everything that he had told her. It was… too much.

"Bishop…" she turned his eyes towards him. Her lips were quivering with fear and sorrow at what she needed to say.

His eyes met hers and he gave her a look full of regret and mourning. He looked so desperate and sad just then. It was heartbreaking.

She couldn't do this!

But she couldn't imagine not doing this either.

"Something… something went so… wrong with us. I… I don't know why. I don't know when this started… but… we don't trust each other. I… I don't just mean… this." She swallowed audibly. The words were sticking in her throat, making her feel all parched and sore. It was all so overwhelming. She wasn't sure if she shouldn't even be grateful for the mess that was in her head now. At least she didn't have it in her to think about what had happened in that cave.

"We… we keep trying to keep each other away, trying to… trying to do what we think is right. But we end up hurting each other. It's not just this. I… I went behind your back in Whiterun… I didn't trust you to do things my way with my fa-… with Faldaen. And… just the fact that you thought you needed to hide this from me…" She lowered her eyes, no longer able to contain the slow tears that began escaping them. It hurt so much that he didn't think that he could tell her about any of this. That he went to such lengths to plot with others to keep her in the dark. And she knew that it hurt him the same way when she had done it to him.

This was not right.

"I… I know, sweetness," Bishop sighed. He got the urge to embrace her and to console her, but he stopped himself. He suddenly had no idea how to be with her, if he could touch her, if he could soothe her. He didn't know if she wanted it anymore. "I promise you, love, I will not keep things from you again."

She scoffed a little. She wasn't even sure if it was directed at his words or at the situation that they were in now.

"There you go again… and… again… I don't know if I believe that. I want to. But… I don't think that I do. Even when I think about how I… how I should have waited for you at the inn, how I should have talked to you instead, I still… I still keep wondering if you would have told me the truth," she closed her eyes for a brief second and tried to wipe the tears away. It was no use – new ones rolled down her cheeks instantly.

Bishop remained silent for a while. He knew that he wouldn't do this again. He had learned his lesson. It was painful that it took so much time and suffering for him to do so, but he did. Never again.

"What… what else is there to do?" he asked her uncertainly. They did hurt each other. They did make mistakes. But what else was there to do but to move on? They couldn't take it back, as much as either of them might have wished to.

Aeyrin turned her eyes to him again and he could see a deep sorrow etched on her face.

She didn't mean…

Bishop's eyes went wide at her. His previous fear and trepidation were steadily turning into full-blown panic.

"I can't go on like this, Bishop," her voice cracked weakly and she forced herself to maintain eye contact, as painful as it was to see the hurt on his face. The words left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she knew that she had to say them, no matter how much it pained her to do so.

"What… what are you saying?" he stammered while he looked at her pleadingly, desperately. He couldn't lose her! Not now! Not after everything! She was still in danger and things could still go wrong and… and… he needed her!

"I'm so sorry, Bishop," she sniffled a little while her voice continued to quiver uncomfortably. "I… I think that I need… I need to be alone right now. I… I need time to… to think about this. I can't… I can't be with you when… when I don't trust you. When I don't even trust myself around you." She couldn't keep looking at him, she couldn't resist lowering her eyes again while she wiped away another bout of tears quickly. She knew that she had to do this. She couldn't listen to him and wonder whether he was lying, whether he was hiding things from her. How long would it take before there was another 'danger' that he felt like he needed to protect her from without her knowledge?

"Princess, that's… I… I'm sure that we can work on this. I swear, I will not keep things from you again. We can't… there's too much against us. There's still that bounty… and the dragons… I can't… I can't leave you alone to face this. Please, don't do this. We can work through this," his hands darted instinctively to try to embrace her, but he forced them back quickly. There was that strange uncertainty again, he wasn't sure how to talk to her, how to act around her. But he couldn't bear the thought of losing her, despite the state that all of this had left their relationship in.

"See? You don't believe I can do things alone." She shook her head at him while tears still streamed down her face. "And… maybe… maybe I didn't believe that either. But I need to. I need to learn to rely on myself again, because I… I can't…" rely on you.

"Yeah… you're right. I don't believe that you can do this alone." Bishop scowled with worry etched on his face. "Because I can't. I never could. Even before. Even with Mercer and Thorn… I… that's why I got so… obsessed when Karliah reached out. I needed someone who could help with that. And now… princess… I need you. Come on, love, we look out for each other, you know that." He gave her another pleading look. She could have sworn that she saw something glitter in his eyes.

He made it so difficult. But… this was the hardest thing that she had to do, even without his pleading. She was constantly waging an internal battle, against what she knew to be true and against the urge to fall in his arms and let him comfort her. But for how long? How long until he said something that made her doubt every word out of his mouth? How long until he chose to talk carefully again, to deter her from prying into something that he didn't want to share? It was all too familiar now, and while she kept telling herself before that he just needed time, now just the memory of his evasiveness broke her heart all over again.

"And yet… it got us here," she whispered almost silently before she sniffled and averted her eyes again.

Bishop didn't have an answer for that. How could he convince her that things would be different? How could he prove to her that he would not let the insecurity consume him again, that he would trust her with everything, with more than his life?

Every time they had fought before, every time things looked dire for the two of them together, he could see the struggle in her eyes. He could see how much she wanted to salvage things, to stay with him, to never leave his side.

He couldn't see that now.

It was more heartbreaking than her words.

"I'm so sorry, Bishop. I love you. So much. But I can't do this anymore." She shook her head at him with deep regret in her tearful eyes. She couldn't even take this conversation anymore, it all hurt too much. She quickly shifted herself on the bed, letting her feet dangle down, as if she was trying to leave as fast as her injuries would allow.

She hopped down from the cot swiftly, landing on her feet right in front of him, but then a sudden sharp pain in her calf shot through her without mercy. It appeared that the potion wasn't strong enough to suppress that completely.

She screamed out in pain and stumbled on her feet within an instant. Bishop, however, was quick to catch her in his arms before he could even realize what had just happened.

That strange feeling of uncertainty came over him again and he quickly positioned his hands on her shoulders, pulling her off of his chest and straightening her up on her feet to put some distance between them, no matter how much he wanted to just keep her clutched in his embrace. He couldn't shake the heartbreaking feeling that it was not what she wanted.

He only gave her another desperate look. She couldn't even walk right now! Why wouldn't it convince her that she needed him? That they needed each other.

"I… I'm fine," she stammered and she tried putting a little pressure on her wounded leg. It was still bad, but now she was at least sure that it wasn't completely broken. She could probably walk. She had to. She had to do this alone.

"You're not 'fine', princess! Please! Don't do this. Let me help you. Please, let me stay with you," his voice cracked again and he kept his hands on her shoulders, no matter how much he could feel that she wanted him to let go.

He couldn't let go.

She gently moved her hands to his wrists. She had to put in a little effort to actually make him let go of her – he was palpably reluctant to. She tried to at least give him a reassuring smile, but she was sure that her lips were incapable of quirking up right now.

"I'll… I'll never want you out of my life, Bishop. Never. But please, let me go. I can't do this right now. Please," she bit her lower lip firmly while tears still continued running from her eyes. She didn't know what else to do. She just needed to get away.

This time, Bishop teared up too. There was such overwhelming defeat etched on his face, it was so painful to see.

His hands fell from her with a limp motion and he swallowed hard. Aeyrin noticed him clench his fists tightly, as if he was forcing himself not to stop her this time. It must have taken a lot of effort on his part.

Without any more ideas about what to do, how to convince her to stay, without any more strength to stand there and listen to her begging him to let her go, he closed his eyes firmly.

He couldn't watch her leave.

…

Aeyrin tried to take a deep breath, to take in the fresh forest air.

It didn't help at all. Even the air around her felt suffocating. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

She couldn't stop the tears that were constantly escaping her eyes, but as much as her mind was swirling with doubt, she knew that she had done the right thing. There was no other way. Not now. Not with this overwhelming mess in her head.

She limped away from the old cabin weakly.

At least she could see the road in the distance. She wouldn't get lost in that awful forest again. She just needed to watch out for traps.

She could find the path on her own.

She grabbed a long stick from the ground and began supporting herself with it on her walk. It helped a lot. At least now she didn't have to put much pressure on her leg. And the potion still made sure that she was numb to all the other aches.

She just hoped that Falkreath wasn't too far. That potion wouldn't last forever.

But before she could reach the road, a rustle of leaves made her snap her head back, searching for the source of the disturbance. Suddenly she got worried about being alone in that forest again, wounded and weak. But she had to remind herself that she was not defenseless. Not if she was ready.

Much to her relief, it was Karnwyr that jumped out from the thicket. He quickly ran towards her with his ears lowered worriedly and a questioning look on his face. He was confused. Confused about seeing her here wounded and… alone.

"Karnwyr… I… I'm so sorry. Please, go back to Bishop," she sighed in exhaustion. She didn't have it in her to say yet another painful goodbye. It was all too much.

The wolf whined at her sadly, but she only shook her head at him. She needed to go. She needed time to clear her head, to at least get a minute to think. Instead, it felt like everything was threatening to overwhelm her constantly.

When she wouldn't budge, Karnwyr bit into the fabric of her robe, dragging it in his teeth and trying to make her come back to the cabin with him.

Gods, this was heartbreaking all over again.

"Please, don't make this harder!" she cried out desperately. The wolf's gesture seemed to break her even more. She let go of the stick and buried her face in her hands, sobbing uncontrollably. She couldn't take this anymore.

Karnwyr stopped instantly when he saw that and another low whine escaped his maw. He walked around to face her and he quickly began nuzzling his head to her leg to comfort her as much as he could. Luckily, he picked the healthy leg.

Aeyrin crouched down and pain shot through her body again with that motion, but it was worth it for this. She needed this. She hugged Karnwyr's head to herself, clutching his fur with her hands desperately. She was still unable to stop the crying.

"I am so sorry. I… I will miss you both so much," she sobbed with her voice muffled by the wolf's fur. Karnwyr only whined again in response and he immediately began nuzzling himself more firmly to her, warming her with his soft fur.

They stayed like this for quite some time, but she knew that it couldn't last long.

She needed to make it to Falkreath while the pain was still bearable. The physical pain at least.

She disentangled herself from him and ruffled his fur lovingly one more time.

"Please, take care of Bishop from me." She had to bite her lower lip again to try and prevent herself from falling into another fit of tears.

The wolf nodded before he nuzzled her again one last time. She waited for him to be done while she tried to find comfort in his warmth against her. But as painful as it was, she still needed to leave. She grabbed the stick again and got back up on her feet with palpable effort.

This would be the most grueling journey of her life.

Another Author's Note:

I'm really sorry :'( I know it's a shitty end, but second book! Remember, second book :D It's not really an end, just a splitting point. It was just an inevitable development at this point, but things will get better again eventually :) You know that I can't keep it all angsty too long anyway :D

The last chapter will be up in a few days, as usual, and then it's on to the next one ;)