Chapter 5

"Hey, what kind of place you running here anyhow, Wonka?" piped up Mr Beauregarde. "Ah, mesdames et messieurs, maintenant nous allons faire grand petit voyage par bateau." Said George, speaking in French. "What's he talking about?" grumbled Mr Salt. "Voulez-vous entrer de Wonkatania." The Wonkatania boat sailed toward the group in all its glory.

"Wow, what a boat!" said Charlie. "Ooh! Looks good enough to eat!" said Joe. "That's, er, quite a nice little canoe you've got there, Wonka." Said Mr Salt, only furthering George's dislike for the Salts and his like for Charlie. He was considering leaving the factory to him the most.

"All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by." Mused George. "All aboard, everybody!" "Ladies first, and that means Veruca." Said Mr Salt, pushing to the front with Veruca in tow. "If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid." Said Joe. George couldn't agree more.

"You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?" said Mr Salt. "With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured." Said George, patting the man's rather large stomach with his cane. "She's tres jolie, but is she seaworthy?" asked Mrs Teavee next. "Nothing to worry about, dear lady. I take good care of my guests." "Yeah, you took real good care of that August kid over there. That's for sure." Said Mr Beauregarde, getting on the boat. George ignored him and asked, "Everybody aboard?" He sat at the front of the boat and said, "You're going to love this. Just love it."

The boat set off. Everyone sat in silence, in awe. George overlooked his Fred memorial and a tear came to his eye. At least until the wart interrupted his thoughts with, "Hey, Daddy, I want a boat like this! A beautiful paddle boat. That's what I want." "What she wants is a good kick in the pants." George heard Joe say to Charlie.

"I think I'm gonna be seasick." Said Mrs Teavee. "Here, try one of these." Said George, handing a Rainbow Drop to Mrs Teavee. He and Fred had made a prototype when they were still running the joke shop, but George hadn't made them fully until he got the factory running. "What are they?" said Mrs Teavee. "Rainbow Drops. Suck 'em and you can spit in seven different colours." "Spitting's a dirty habit." Said Violet, picking her nose. "I know a worse one." Retorted George.

Violet's and Veruca's fathers had a conversation he couldn't hear. Just then, they reached the tunnel where George had planned a…'surprise.'

"Hang on, where are we going?" said Mr Salt. "I don't know, but I don't like the looks of that tunnel up there. Hey Wonka, I want off!" said Mr Beauregarde. George took no notice and simply half-yelled, "AROUND the world and home again! THAT'S the sailor's way!"

He kept chanting, "Faster!" while the people in the boat freaked out as the tunnel began flashing with psychedelic colours and strange images. It had taken a lot of elaborate magic to set the tunnel up, but George could see from the guests' reactions it had been worth it.

"I don't like this ride, Daddy!"

"Wonka, do me a favour? Tell those people to stop paddling back there!"

"We're going too fast!

"We're gonna sink, I know it!"

"Why doesn't he stop the boat?!"

"Faster!"

"Hang on, darling! Just close your eyes and hang on tight!"

"What's happening?"

"What is this, a freak out?"

"Hey, this isn't funny, Wonka!"

"You can't possibly see where you're going, Wonka!" screamed Mr Salt. "You're right. I can't." replied George calmly. "Boy, what a great series this would make." Said Mike, unfazed and enjoying it. The only other two enjoying it were Joe and Charlie. "This is kind of strange." "Yes, strange, Charlie. But it's fun!" They both laughed.

"This is terrific!" agreed Mike. "How much to get off the boat, Wonka?" moaned Mr Salt, obviously not enjoying it as much.

There was a lot of other screaming and clamoring. At one point, even Mike screamed and pulled out his toy gun to shoot at the inside of the tunnel. Just to freak them out a bit more, George decided t start singing again.

"There's no earthly way of knowing…" Mr Salt gave a nervous chuckle. "He's singing." "Which direction we are going…There's no knowing where we're rowing..." "Rowing…" Mr Salt half-sang, trying and failing to follow along with George.

"Or which way the river's flowing…Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing?"

He gave a small gasp for effect. "Not a speck of light is showing so the danger must be growing…Are the fires of Hell a-glowing? Is the Grizzly Reaper mowing? YES! THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING FOR THE ROWERS KEEP ON ROWING…AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING…ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!"

He started giving a wail for effect, but even he was wondering if he had gone too far. "Oh, make him stop, Daddy!" wailed Veruca. "Wonka, this has gone far enough!" yelled her father. For once, George agreed. And they were at their next location anyway. "Quite right sir. Stop the boat!"

The boat stopped and suddenly it was at the door to the Inventing Room, and the cream room. "We're there." Announced George. "Where?" moaned Mrs Teavee. "Here." Said George. "A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore."

"Let me off this crate!" said Mr Beauregarde, pushing to the front of the boat.

"Now why don't they show stuff like that on TV?" said Mike happily. "I don't know." groaned his mother.

"What a nightmare." Said Mr Salt. "Daddy, I do not want a boat like this." Said his daughter. Finally, something she doesn't want. Thought George.

Charlie and Joe stood at the door to the cream room, aka Storeroom No. 54. "Dairy cream…" "Whipped cream…" "Coffee cream…" "Vanilla cream…" They exchanged glances. "Hair cream?" they said in unison.

"Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir Ihre Aufmerksamkeit." George said in German. "That's not French!" exclaimed Mrs Teavee.

"Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimstein Raum meiner Fabrik." Continued George. "I can't take much more of this!" complained Mr Salt.

"Meine Damen und Herren: Der Inventing Room."